my progression of vashwood thoughts as I went through trigun media generally went like this
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Depression is such an effective tranquilizer that it creates a great opportunity for plot twists in your real life. I have a pretty consistent opinion of myself which is "low" and "never ending guilt and shame for reasons I don't understand."
Recently received feedback from two different editing clients that started with "Please pass along to your editor that she is phenomenal at her job" and "I was blown away by the evaluation I received."
You always hear about how depression (and anxiety) lies to you and distorts reality, but there is logically knowing that and then there is like, physical proof of it and you are suddenly Neo in the Matrix jumping out of the fucked up little tube machine.
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I WAS GOING THROUGH THE DR NEFARIOUS TAG, W H Y IS THERE BOT STUFF ON THERE
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Vil is one of the most well-written characters in Twisted Wonderland and I’m still baffled that people still manage to misinterpret him when nothing about him is that difficult to understand.
People always bash him for his obsession with beauty and reduce it to vanity when it was explained time and time again that Vil cares as much about internal beauty as external beauty. His search for growth was never centred around aesthetics only.
It’s also further explained that his pursuit of beauty is the path he believes would help him reach his goal of staying the longest on stage/being the hero. Vil’s book is about an actor who has been told ever since he was a child that he was meant to be the villain. Which was a role he didn’t wish to entertain so he worked his hardest to be worthy of the role he wanted, the role that would allow him to stay the longest on stage.
He learned all sorts of skills, pursued his studies, took care of his appearance, he did anything and everything in the name of improving himself, to be worthy of a role that keeps being denied to him and given to someone else, Neige. Then when he finally reached his limit after years of trying his hardest just to keep failing he lost it.
Even then why did he overblot? Because he couldn’t forgive himself. Because he couldn’t accept that he had become the villain, the exact thing that he had spent all his time and effort rejecting. Vil is terrified of being ugly inside and outside. He is terrified of being corrupted. He’s terrified of being bad.
People also love to bash him for being strict but he is one of the most caring housewarden. He does rule with an iron fist but even at his worst his motivation is always in his students’ best interest. Even Epel has to concede once he understands Vil’s true goal. On top of that Vil actually shows that he takes accountability for his actions, he knows how to apologise and he feels remorse for his wrongdoings.
Let’s not even talk about how he sacrificed himself for Idia and the world’s sake later on. As if this wouldn’t fully compromise his future.
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Idea expanded, Rockstar Eddie falling head over heels for Bartender Steve working in a high class club type of joint. He sees him working one night and thinks God damn, he's hot. I'm taking him home tonight.
Except bartender Steve has developed a significant distaste for celebrities and rich people in general because of getting cut off from his homophobic parents for coming out and the general bad way many have treated him at work whilst sloshed. But lucky for Eddie, Steve doesn't recognize him. And even though he started off in a trailer park, the fame has gone to his head a little and he asks Steve out with the full intention of getting into his pants and never seeing him again.
But oh no, would you look at that Steve isn't easy. And what Eddie thought would be a booty call ends up being a ten hour date around the city where he has more fun than he even thought was possible. Just from talking with Steve about anything and everything, flitting to parks and museums. And Eddie doesn't even realize until he's back at his hotel that they didn't even kiss.
And they go out more and more, and Eddie likes him more and more and he finds out where the rich people hate comes from. And it scares him. So he keeps lying. Like an idiot. And he tells Steve a fake last name, he tells him a fake job (which is only half fake because he did used to be a tattoo artist) and he rents an air bnb that he pretends is his own place. And the lies keep getting more elaborate to cover up more lies. And he keeps refusing to meet Steve's friends out of fear that they'll recognize him. And he really just drove himself into a corner here because he is absolutely in love with Steve at this point but how the fuck can you have a normal relationship when you are pretending to be someone else?
Turns out you can't, and Steve finds out the truth despite his efforts. But the twist is, he thinks it's fucking hilarious. After a normal period of What the fuck reaction time he gets over it. But never let's Eddie live it down.
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6/27 Edit: Welp, now there's a fic.
Two fics actually. The other is by KikiZ on ao3 which is great if you're not looking for an explicit fic! Because mine will be. It's also a bit more introspective than what I got going on, and also thus far, hella romantic.
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—Random School Game Show—
Host: And for your final question! Please identify this statue.
Ace: …Like are we supposed to know that??-
MC: *slaps buzzer* A 20TH CENTURY RENAISSANCE STYLE GOAT GARGOYLE-
Host: CORRECT!
Deuce: How could you have possibly guessed that?
MC: I attend all of Malleus’s Gargoyle Appreciation meetings.
Malleus: *from a distance within the crowd* YOU DO CAAAAAARRREEEEE!!!!
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