#unfimiliar texture

[voidwoods]

I just discovered a new doom2 texture

ive been modding doom for about a year now and just 5 minutes ago i was scrolling through the textures looking for on one to use and i see an unfamiliar texture ive scrolled throuh every texture in this demon infested game and never once seen it!!!! tl:dr i saw a texture i dident reconise and got so upset i posted it on tumblr

#doom modding #id software #classic doom #unfimiliar texture #doom2 #this texture drove me mad #this is'nt a joke #im crying about a doom texture

[ghostcrw]

its 12 am and my brain is braining again so have some autistic billy hcs 🫶

hes nonverbal 60% of the time; the other 40% he wont be quiet

he stims by vocal stims, such as mouth sounds or little puffs of air or random blabbers.

grabby hands >>> speaking to tell what you want

shutdowns are not unfimiliar. sometimes he shuts down for so long the others get scared 😭

meltdowns are also not forgien. its one little thing if hes overstimulated and its all down to hell.

he screams cries yells kicks oh god you name it

hes always clinging to either griff or bruce. hands fisted on their shirts as he hides behind them

way of stimming is also flappy hands and happy noises, thats what bruce calls it

"billy is doing the happy noise thing again"

okay hear me out him with a special interest towards animals and nature

is very texture picky

loves felt but hates velvet, loves bland foods but cant eat anything too filled, y'know?

also his speech is slurred 💔

rolls his r's and shushes his s' a bit too much sometimes

has his comfort weighted blanket. he makes himself a burrito on it and lay there happily bcs hes in sensory heaven

back to the meltdowns; whenever he gets overstimulated, he becomes nonverbal and starts grabby handing and whining to symbolize his emotions. sometimes it ends in tears bcs the others (also autistics) dont know how to help

he also might regress on occations, full on baby talking and baby like behaviour. no shame.

griffen is his safe person. they're each others comfort and security bcs they both know what its like.

constantly sleepy. like all the time.

not a moment where he isnt yawning

he sometimes twitches and giggles because it feels silly

him and griff happy stim together and the rest think its the cutest shit

also loves sweatpants and sweaters, will wear baggy jeans on occation

moooood swings happen as well

#the black phone #tbp fandom #the black phone fandom #billy showalter #i love billy #epes rambles #headcanon #hc

[self-recovery-discovery]

Hi future me,

I'm not sure what exactly "comfort" is.

Self soothing, I get. It's like a touch, a distraction, to keep your mind afloat. To have a link with reality. Cold fingers on my chest to feel my chest rise and fall with each breathe.

But comfort?

Ever since I remember, there was no such thing as comfort food, no favorite shows or stories to reqatch and reread. No repetition would calm my mind. No familiarity to take comfort in.

Seeing people online mention their favorite shows, comfort drinks or foods never caught my attention that much. I never experienced it so it wasn't really important now was it?

Instead I searched for new things, for mental stimulation instead. For unfimiliarity in new works. New art. New works.

Instead of favorite colours I had colours that looked pretty, colour that created pretty pictures and feelings. Grey looks mesmerizing with green, blue hues making the orange seems like it's glowing. Pinks and browns and yellows.

Similarly with food, unless I didn't enjoy the taste or texture, all was fine with me. Pizza was the same as oatmeal to me.

I didn't mind.

I still don't.

Maybe it has to do with my aversion to touch, to warmth. Too much was easy to reach, and too much was suffocating.

There was a quote by someone, on an astrology forum. I quite like the study of the stars. It's fascinating. But the quote was about how taurus moon would take a cozy weighted blanket in a cold world. It's comfort for it.

For aries moon, comfort in a cold world was dangerous.

It struck me how much it resonates.

I feel comfortable in new things. In excitement. In movement.

Not in touch, drinks or warmth.

And isn't that fascinating, how a study of behavior, be it astrology, psychology or body language can make you think about a part of you that you never even thought about.

See you soon,

Isa

#recovery-discovery-diary #diary #self discovery