#weirdly it also like..... reminds me of pyre???

[autopotion]

There are a number of things in Crimson Shroud I was kind of iffy about that put me off playing it, but now that I am I actually find I'm liking it quite a bit. The writing, art, and music are all very moody in a way that's familiar to me (Yasumi Matsuno + Basiscape, you know how it is lol, plus I think the guy who did the art took notes from Akihiko Yoshida) and while I originally found the tabletop aesthetic to be off-putting (your guys are always represented by little tabletop figurines, and dice that you physically roll with the stylus are a big part of the mechanics) over time it's really really growing on me. I think it's kinda cute ngl.

I feel like this is the type of game I would've been obsessed with if it had come out in the early 2000s and I'd played it then. Really weird, very stylistic, thick with lore for a relatively short game, not very well known, moody tone... Like it brings Summoner to mind, actually, which was a flop of an RPG that came out in the early 2000s that was also openly and heavily inspired by Dungeons & Dragons, but also I have a lot of fond memories of it lol. And that game was also very moody

Also you can totally tell this was intended to be a sequel to Vagrant Story originally, it wears its spiritual predecessor on its sleeve. It really feels like a journey through Lea Monde abstracted through figurines, dice, and dungeon maps. This might be heretical to say... but I'm kinda... enjoying it more than I was Vagrant Story, LMAO. I think for two reasons: 1. turn-based combat is more familiar to me, so I'm adapting to Crimson Shroud's mechanical depth much more quickly, and 2. the major female character in this game, Frea, is actually playable, and is your party's linchpin. Will always be lamenting Callo Merlose's demotion to NPC in vanilla Vagrant Story for game memory reasons u_u

The main dude is also growing on me unfortunately. "Giauque," the stupidest possible version of "Jack." I had my hackles up when he internally referred to Frea as a she-dog early on (shortly after she was revealed to be a member of an oppressed fantasy ethnic group, which like. I don't even want to get into all that shit right now, but it's the other reason I was put off by this game) but over time I think it's clear that was just a very poor way of demonstrating their usual dynamic, which is that he took Frea under his wing and likes her quite a bit, but portrays himself as a gruff, amoral lout, so he prefers to bicker instead of be effusive. The implication is that they're a bit like each other IMO, both too sharp-tongued for their own good

I also know a ton of spoilers so I'm paying lots of attention to Frea in the frame story... We'll have to see how it's handled, but I do like that the main antagonist of this game is a woman. So few games feature a woman as the primary villain, and even if they do, they find ways to blunt her impact (like Ultima in FFT, she's resurrected at the ass end of the story and then Ramza & co. kill her immediately), so I'm curious to see where Crimson Shroud will go with Abigail (an insane name for a villainess in a dark fantasy piece btw)

BASICALLY I think if CS was a fifty-hour game I might find it more exhausting, but since it barely hits twenty if you're taking your time, I'm a lot more invigorated by it. The short runtime works in its favor IMO.

#crimson shrouding #weirdly it also like..... reminds me of pyre??? #which is an insane thing to say the two have very little in common #but there's like.... a tone thing. a 'pack in a bunch of lore in a tiny space' thing. #a 'you can see our fantasy inspirations openly and obviously' thing #CS is doing a spin on TTRPGs #pyre is doing a spin on console RPGs especially those that were inspired by TTRPGs #something something #... a 'there's a lot of depth here but we're still focused in on the one concept' thing

[doctor-plagueis]

Nora's Knightly Love

Trigger Warning: mentions of noncon and rape you have been warned.

Nora had some troubles, well actually it was a lot of troubles.

From night terrors, to night terrors and night... ok so, Nora has nightmares because of...a lot. Nora lived in the North where if you aren't strong, you die,and she almost did, repeatedly from Beowulfs to Ursas to...people...

Gods...if it wasn't for mother she wouldn't be a virgin today...

That's not a memory she relishes, watching her mother be used as a toy for men like she's nothing but a hole to fuck...Nora was five years old and they were gonna do that to her...fuck, she's crying and shaking again.

Damnit fuck fuck fuck why can't she forget that night daMNIT!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nora's crying again...he should do something...

"Hey Nora, you ok?" he asked meekly

"Huh!" she nearly jumped from her bed at that "Um, um, ye 'm fine..."

"You're not very good at lying" he said while getting up...he's not wearing his pijamas.

"When’d you start sleeping shirtless Fearless Leader? Also are those shorts?" she was curious...and also deflecting.

He moved closer she could see him better now...when'd he get so buff? When he sat down at her bed she realized something...Pyrrha and Rennie were out on their date...

"Started when Yang decided to steal it, apparently she feels comfy in it...weird huh?"

"Yea..."

Awkward silence, more awkward silence even more awkward silence...

“C’mon Nora you can talk to me I'm your leader...and hopefully your friend?" wait, was he unsure of that?

“‘F’course you're my friend Jauney, why, did you think weren't?" Huh weird she's calmer, maybe it has something to do with talking to Fearless Leader? He does have a pretty reassuring presence.

"Well, maybe there's some culture shock with you being a Northerner and me being Arcadian, but in Arcadia when a friend is feeling down we talk about it and sort it out together, would you like that? Would you like to talk?" He was trying to be reassuring… his sisters were always better at it than him.

"...ok" Nora sounds so meek, this is weird.

"You sure? We don't have to y'know" He was calming to her, talking with him made her less scared...maybe this is what she needs?

"Growing up in the North is difficult Jaune-" whoa she called him Jaune not Fearless Leader or Jauney...this is serious "-You either fight back against the world and it's dangers or you die...or worse..." at that Nora saw Jaune recoil slightly not noticeable if they weren't this close…huh…

"My mom and I lived with dad until he was taken by the cold...my only memory of him is lighting his pyre with mum..." she took a breath...this is harder than she predicted. Damnit...

"Then me and mum decided to head south, to warmer lands, away from the shithole that is the North-" wait...is Jaune ok, he looks weird...she'll keep talking with a closer eye now..."-But before we got to the seas...we...we were attacked by raider..."

Jaune was now visibly sweating and breathing heavy, memories were flooding back...bad, bad memories...

"Nothing happened to me but...mum let herself be...used by them she, she was raped Jaune, just so I wouldn't, and then they took her away like some trophy of conquest...that's how I became an orphan...Jaune?" uh oh he's freaking out.

"Jaune, JAUNE!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaune awoke today was a special day, today would be the day his dad finally train him, actually, really train him, with Crocea Mors! This was going to be the start his glory, his heroism would begin today! Hahah oh that’s corny heheh…But he really couldn’t wait…

…So Jaune had taken Crocea Mors to train alone in the woods, so what? He was already gonna train with dad anyway!

(CRACK)

“Huh? What was that?” oookkk so Jaune was suddenly a little worried.

“Well, well, well ain’t you a pretty lil’ thang” came a hoarse voice from the trees.

“Who? Who’s there!? I-I have a sword!” Shit shit shit; Jaune wasn’t ready for this sorta stuff! Fighting some Creeps or young Beowulfs is one thing but fighting someone is different!

“Ohohoho, looks like this blond cutie has sum fight in’im…good, more fun this way…” that’s really, really creepy and concerning.

“Where are you!? Show yourself!” Jaune tried being intimidated.

“Oh don’tchu worry, ya won’t have time to anyways”

“wha-”

“you’ll be more worried about breathin’ with a cock in yer throat hahahaha!”

At that Jaune chose to make the smart move: run like hell!

Except he didn’t get away…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“JAUNE!” Nora screamed.

“Huh, wha!?”

“Are you okay!? No, don’t answer that you, clearly aren’t!”

“I-I uh…”

Jaune was silent now, which for Nora was a bad sign…

…Maybe it’s time for Nora to act less like a Northerner and start acting more like an Arcadian…

“Jauney…yo-um-ya-crap, ok, Jaune” she said searching for words and getting his attention.

“Jaune look at me” he did.

“Did did-um did I bring some bad things up? I mean obviously I did but-um” ugh this is difficult how do Arcadians do it?

“Did I bring anything bad for you?”

“Ye-yea, I um…you just reminded me how I lost my…”

“Virginity?” she really hopes he says no, please for Brothers sake say no!

“Yea…”

“Oh Jaune I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to I-” She made him remember such a horrible thing…

“Don’t, you couldn’t have known” she shouldn’thave known…

Nora got up stood in front of Jaune and held her arms open…Nora isn’t good at this but at least she knows hugs are good comfort…

...Jaune accepted the hug.

“You can cry Jaune …please cry it’s good for you…”

“(Hick) I’m not goin’ to cry (hick)”

“Stop forcing yourself to be strong…isn’t that what you made me do? I’m here…”

At that Jaune broke down like a faulty dam, and he didn’t stop crying for a long, long time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That was a week ago.

Jauney and I have been spending more time together we’re supporting each other as best we can…

…My nightmares are going away, well, not really, but with Jauney's help they’re…manageable…I’ve found myself talking less with Rennie, and I don’t really mind it weirdly, oh well, Rennie does need to spend more time with his girlfriend after all…

…Hope Pyrrha's taking care of him well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nora and I have been talking about our…pasts a lot lately, its helping.

Nora and I also have been having these weird silences, not awkward but comforting, is this what friends feel all the time? Pyrrha and I don’t have these silences, neither do any of the other girls, huh, kinda feels special for some reason…

…I like the silence.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost a month now, me and Jauney have been talking for a month, and I feel like we’ve bonded so much over so little time, maybe we’ve bonded even faster than Rennie and I did...I like it Jaune and I’s bond, feels good, really good…

…I think I like him, like, like-him-like-him. I’m okay with it, more than okay actually…

…Does he feel the same?... Why am I even worrying he doesn’t?...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really like Nora, oh who’s believing that blatant lie?

I Love Nora. As more than a friend, I love Nora romantically…

…Maybe she feels the same? Oh, who am I kidding? she’d never love someone like me, not after… (sigh)

Maybe I should just ask her out she’ll reject me and we can go back to talking like friends.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright perfect Ren and Pyrrha are away I can ask Him/Her

“Hey Nora/Jaune” they said simultaneously

“Oh, go ahead Nora” always the gentleman, one of his many charms.

“Nu-uh Fearless leader you first!” she said playfully

“yeahokayIcandothis” Jaune said under his breath

“Nora” “Yeah?” “Would you go get some dinner with me?”

“Ooh like dinner pancakes? Sure Jauney, you’re the best!” she was so excited (sigh) she’s amazing…

“N-No more like a-ummm”

“A what Jauney?”

“Wouldyougooutonadatewithme?” Oh great, he messed it up.

“…” her silence is so deafening, I really fucked up huh?

“…YES!!!” wait wut?

“Ohyoudon’tknowhowmanyweeksI’vewaitedforeitherofustoaskthatIwasgonna askyououtmyselfbecauseIcouldn’twaitand-”

“Nora! Nora calm down and speak in a way I can understand”

“I, yea, sorry, got too excited, started talking Nora mode, anyways-” she was…still talking really fast, but at least he could understand now! “-The answer is yes, also fuck yes and also gods I’ve waited too long to do: this!”

Suddenly Nora lunged forward and stabbed Jaune…Nah she just kissed him…WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!

“mhnph!” “Mmm~oh yeah, always knew you’d taste good Jauney~” “…izzat a yes?”

“What do you think?” “I think I’m dreaming that’s what” Nora giggled at that, fuck, even her laugh is adorable

“Well you’re wide awake, and, you got yourself a date! Isn’t that a confidence boost~” Fucking hell Nora knows how to be seductive.

“I’m the luckiest guy in beacon right now!” he said with his signature goofy grin

“Well” she wrapped her arms around his “where’s our date going to be?”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Notes]

[Pyrrha and Ren are indeed dating.]

[Yes the Booty Tier List will affect this check it out]

[Again this is going to be my first smut story so I'd apreciate the criticism]

Here ya go this is the first part of this two-shot.

Nest one will be smut I promise.

Part 1 / Part2

#nora's arc #jaune arc #nora valkyrie

[adecila]

Game of Thrones – 8x04 “The Last of the Starks” episode analysis – or who the fuck ever let D&D write stuff

You know I am pretty much like this dude here –

so I will be the woman to lead this ship or so help me all the old gods and the new.

Spoilers, d’uhh.

Aftermath - but everyone has their wardrobe on fleek, hair looking fab and they even had time to clean the entire field of Winterfell

The episode starts with the funeral pyre and how DARE you make me love Jorah even more and twist the knife in my heart. And did you have to show me Theon, Beric, Edd’s and Lyanna’s bodies??? 

RUDE.

Jon is doing a big speech and it is nice and drove the sobbing further, but I get it this is Jon’s turf so he has to be the one making the big speech. That is such a Dany thing though, and I can’t help to think, when put into perspective with the rest of the episode, that it’s yet again a thing Dany has lost. But more on that later. 

The pyres are lit, sad music, more sobbing from me. OOOPS BUT DID YOU CATCH THAT JONERYS EXCHANGE OF LOOKS? Because I did! I can’t help but think how he looks at her for reassurance and she feels it and she turns and she is just.so.broken. And then she cries and I cry again. 

A feast for crows the survivors 

And then we get a feast and suddenly everyone is happy and stuff… ok, I guess life goes on. Maybe Sandor’s crass remark, under the guise of a funny moment, was meant to make us think on it. But maybe that’s too deep for D&D who the fuck knows. 

Let’s talk about Gendry’s legitimisation. 

Dany does it quite publicly, and small exchange between her and Tyrion makes sense. Honestly, if she hadn’t done it herself then and there, it would have come up at a later point, but with 2 episodes left there’s no time. S.ansa does her shady looks because she throws shade and Bran just stares into the void smh. 

In which I am the Hound unimpressed and eating his chicken. 

Davos x Tyrion

The Lord of Light fucked off into the sunset when he saw D&D’s piss poor writing and honestly same. He probably fucked off when he saw Melisandre was still getting his prophecies wrong. 

Every time S.ansa comes into frame my soul leaves my body a bit more because whY THO. 

Tyrion x Bran the 3ER

Cool beans Bran, that’s how you use you abilities? OMG JOJEN FUCKING DIED FOR YOU–

“I mostly live in the past now” - to me this means Bran has become this empty shell of a man and he just visits the past and checks out cool shit. It’s like a kid who gets access to YouTube for the first time. Heck he can even see his dad or whoever else he misses if he feels anything at all now. Because if he doesn’t even have “wants” then? What was the point of it all? God I swear the writers will not rest until they will have reduced all characters to tropes and empty shells of their former selves.

Tormund and the gang around Jon; Tyrion with Jaime ; Dany alone

This scene right here was the beginning of the end. Remember when Tormund was a dude who was in awe by strong women? D&D don’t. He suddenly is so far up Jon’s ass nothing could take him out. Guess it pays off for him in the end since Jon just gifts him Ghost.

S.ansa just fucking stop OMG PLEASE STOP WITH THE FUCKING LOOKS JFC.

But where was Missandei??? Why was Dany alone? And what the fuck was that look, VArYs?? Someone give Dany a hug because my god the isolation is real. Fuck. STOP. TAKING. EVERYTHING. FROM HER.

Never have I ever… thought the writers would stoop so low but here we are

So it’s all fun and games until it isn’t. 

Poor Tormund. Jaime never deserved Brienne and that’s a fact. 

And the mystery of Willa, the sassy Northern girl has been solved! Bless!!!

SanSan, but with more misogynistic undertones than you ever thought

Yeah you know what, I am not touching this scene. Fuck D&D for daring to say that.

Gendrya - or the moment Gendry decided to pull a Ted Mosby 

I feel so bad OMG they did this ship so dirty. However. Arya saying that was expected. But I call bullshit on her never rethinking her decision. Girl’s got a list and she just can’t NOT try to finish it, I mean, wouldn’t you? After you killed such a big boss as the NK? 

At the same time, they would be trying for faux feminism, pulling a Arya doesn’t need a man to be happy. Guess the sex was just to try it? Wow can you believe they cheapened this ship and that beautiful moment like that? 

I’m so sorry babies, you deserved much better. Guess Gendry was always meant to have his heart broken by a Stark girl once he became a Baratheon. Wow. 

Weirdly enough!!! And spoiler maybe?? Leak? Idk. But I feel like Gendrya will prevail (also because she looks heartbroken to reject him like that…). When asked if Gendrya will rule the 7K, Friki said no, these two aren’t made for ruling anything. For what’s worth, Friki mentioned he does know Arya’s endgame and shebis confirmed alive in the Dragon Pit in 8x06 :)

Oathsex

Uff yeah I did not like that. It felt wrong in the context and it felt cheap and I…. yeah IDK. And then Jaime leaves. He could have at least told Brienne that he is he only one who can kill Cersei or IDK, but not leave her like that. Jeesh dude my poor Knight, she is gutted by him. 

Jonerys makeout and chat and hey who wanted angst? Turn on your location I just wanna chat. 

Sooo flip side: I somehow, for the second time, predicted a thing in my fic. HOWEVER D&D keep only getting half my fics because GURL DID YOU NOT GET THE SMUT MEMO? AND THE FLUFF MEMO?

So Dany goes to find Jon, again, who is tipsy, and Jon suddenly remembers to give Dany some comfort for having lost Jorah… 

The set up for Dany saying ILY it’s a bit .. ehh. But her actual words: “He loved me, but I couldn’t love him back, not the way he wanted it. Not the way I love you. Is that alright?” 

A+ scene. I love how he can’t help himself and as soon as she is in his arms’ range he just pulls her into him, BEFORE she asks “Is that alright?”. 

Uff emo side note here, this scene and this phrase reminded me of this song. Listen and sob. you’re welcome.

On that depressive note, wow that make out tho. Two things I learned from this scene: 1 - Jon is horny drunk, which same; and 2 - Jon is a tiddies guy like he dove in and went for the tiddies, which also same. Am I Jon? Is this why I keep guessing his fucking reactions but D&D won’t give me the rest????? We’ll never know.

And… then Jon stops and pulls back. And I KNOW that in the BTS we are told he is disgusted or whatever along those lines, but to me?? That look means he is CONFLICTED. And listen, if y’all wanted it to make it to mean "disgusted" then you should have made Kit do it differently since YOU KNOW HE WAS FAKE GAGGING TO EMILIA EVERY OTHER MINUTE. YOU CAN’T KEEP ADDING SHIT LATER YOU FUCKING DUMBASSES YOU EITHER PUT IT IN THE ACTUAL  SHOW AND THE ACTUAL ACTING OR STFU.

But I guess to me that rejection was more for the general audience than for us. C’mon he clearly loves her, his dick was so hard he was about to nut then and there. Stop bringing your 21st century considerations into a feudalistic fantasy where you have Royals and dragons. Also FUCK YOU VARYS BECAUSE EVEN IN THE NORTH AUNT AND NEPHEW MARRIED SO FUCK YOU BALDIE.

I digress. Then Dany echoes what Jon himself thinks/said - wishing she would have never known. And then we get something that I felt when she was alone and sad at the feast. “I saw the way they looked at you. I know that look; the same way people looked at me, but never on this side of the sea” - yeah so I need a break.

This here - cemented for me what I think the show is doing: stripping everything away from Dany: her armies, her children, her people and the love her people have for her… then Jon. And I don’t mean that as in the sense of some bullshit fleak. No, I mean it in the context of this episode. Because Jon never says I love you back (and maybe @normalisjustafairytale is right and Jon is afraid to say it after Ygritte), and he rejects her, and he says he can’t NOT tell his sisters, even if Dany begs him not to. So in a sense, for now at least, Jon is being taken away from her. So you have all this isolation and losing and losing and then what does she have left? The only constant in her life? The fucking Iron Throne. Because at the moment there is nothing else for her and she probably feels like she will be nothing without it. Hence why she presses to go and take Cersei down. I won’t lie to you, it is cheap writing and very lame and honestly I have read fics a million times better than this bullshit, but they will, at one point, hit us with the boatie reveal, and when that happens, and when Jon fucking finally pulls through and stands by her side, she will have something else, a different constant in life. Moreover, because she realises that the people here in Westeros will never love her, she will have even more of a reason to bow out, say a big fuck you, take her boatie and her hubs and get to her house with the red door. 

This is not just wishful thinking, it is very much D&D, and they will of course “humble the powerful woman” (I puked in my mouth by writing that). But also, my consolation is that with this episode, heck even the people who weren’t necessarily her fans, are on her side and asking her to burn KL down. Which I don’t think she would, but more on that in a different post. God this post is already long.

*bathroom break*

BAck. Then Dany echoes what I also said in my fic ugh I hate myself what we all know and are thinking: it doesn’t matter if Jon doesn’t want it; it matter that there are people out there (fucking S.ansa jfc this fucking UGGHDGugduzdahidfg) who don’t like Dany and will support Jon immediately over her. She is right and he is stupid for not seeing it. 

I guess I also got my bending the knee from my fic. Kinda. FUCK.ME.

I cannot believe that my Queen had to BEG him and Jon had to be so naive. BOY DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE LESSON FROM YOUR FATHER? Two can keep a secret is one of them is dead, Jonno. Did you not watch Pretty Little Liars??? Why the fuck do you think Ned Stark didn’t tell his wife?? LMAO she would have sold him just like S.asnsa blabbed on you, guess the J___sas were right, it was a bit of a Ned x Cat parallel, probably Cat would have sold Ned also in a fucking instant. Dany is absolutely right. This shit cannot be contained because you don’t know how people would react to it. 

“She’s not the girl you grew up with” … BOOM.

I love how he cradles her face into his hands MY FUCKING HEART MY HEART.

Pause. The part where she begs remind me of this traumatic moment:

… fuuuuck. Anyway.

And I love how she turns the tables on him. But Jon… is still Jon for plot reasons I guess. Maybe he didn’t understand why Ned had to keep the secret for so many years. 

The end of the Northern plot - BYE NO ONE WILL MISS YOU

The Starks can choke. They are cancelled. 

Yeah no. Bye. Fuck S.ansa or Sandra, who the fuck this OOC shitty ass character is. Fuck every single one of them. Wow, emotional manipulation at its finest. I just love how they basically called this episode the last of the Starks because they just character assassinated all of them. Edit: LMAO you know what this is? The shitty family that pulls over one member and tries to break him up with his wife, for the sole reason they don't like her. Because fuck their brother's happiness. Because they are fucking selfish people.  

Jaime x Tyrion x my headache

Let’s add to the list of cancelled people Jaime and Tyrion just for that fucking chat.

“I will pay you double” ex machina, and that’s how the Bronn issue is solved. Just as Friki said, btw. 

Arya x The Hound

So I guess Arya just fucking lies through her teeth now smh, since she was guilt trippig JON JUST MOMENTS AGO and she just up and leaves BECAUSE FUCK FAMILY I GUESS 

Tyrion is suddenly afraid of Dany so I guess we are supposed to excuse Sandra’s petty shady jealous ass 

Sandra is fucking jealous and insane. Littlefinger will be proud. Her face though. This fucking bitch doesn’t like that he is a Targaryen LMFAO she is scheming so hard bahahahahah

She is fucking cancelled. They murdered her character the moment they took her out of the Vale. FIGHT ME ON THIS I FUCKING DARE YOU.

Jon x Tormund x Ghost - say your goodbyes

Hey hey hey so that line where Jon belongs in the North? The real North, which for Tormund is North of the Wall since he calls Winterfell the South? Guess where those waterfalls from 8x01 are?

Jon is the worst dog owner KILL ME.

Fucking Sam Tarly

Jon was like yeah no don’t name your kid after me. Interesting how he could tell from a hug that Gilly was pregnant. Hope Dany starts showing soon *wink wink boatie is still coming*

The IT or Southern plot

Tyrion x Varys

I cannot wait for Varys to die. Like, he is spewing inaccurate information and then, he is suddenly against Dany and suddenly only Jon is a war hero. Just because he has a dick. Fuck D&D and their sexist asses Also VArys keeps talking about the realm LMAO YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE? I see kings dying all around you, and the only constant it’s you. Who is the problem, I wonder? 

Euron ex machina

Makes no fucking sense. But I guess nobody cares anymore.

Yeah I screamed when Rhaegal died. And I screamed again with Dany.

I guess Dany couldn’t just fly behind Euron’s ship and roast them all for plot reasons. 

Dragonstone mess

Fuck you, Varys. And fuck you, Tyrion. Not you, Greyworm, ILY *hugs tightly*

BONUS: FUCK YOU JAIME FUUUUUCK YOU FOR LEAVING BRIENNE LIKE THAT. BYE BITCH GOOD RIDDANCE.

King’s Landing mess & the shitty ass parley that even Captain Sparrow could have organised better

Ew how much time has it passed since Cersei is already claiming to be preggers? 

“So much for the breaker of chains” - is again, a sign they are trying to strip Dany of everything she has and is. 

Tyrion and Qyburn - ew, but also Qyburn has a point, why would Cersei surrender? Oh and I think the point to save Rhaegal from the NK only for him to die at the hands of Euron is to further handicap Dany and make the Cersei threat real, and have a reason to keep Drogon away from KL - HAVE YOU ALL SEEN THE SCORPIONS EVERYWHERE?

Ugh Tyrion stop trying to get Cersei to love you LMFAO she doesn’t. But I know, it is hard to break from toxic relationships and abusers. Tyrion told Cersei “you are not a monster” and she literally went “HOLD MY BEER”.

Missandei’s death made me sick to my stomach and traumatised me for life. We should all collectively agree to NEVER give D&D our attention again and never let them write anything again. 

Missandei hatefully spewing DRACARYS as her last words was so strong it made me start crying because holy shit this was a peaceful person, and for her to show this much hate and rage was so gutting…  fuck me. I am crying again. I think she also meant, besides from the obvious, “there is no reasoning with these people, so why bother. Might as well blow it the fuck up.”

And Grey’s reaction wow - again, I was about to puke, despite the scene not being the most gorey on GoT, but it was so intrinsically and viscerally wrong my mind could not deal. 

In conclusion

Poor Dany, she has lost everything. EVERYTHING. She is literally at her lowest. After the discussion with Jon, she slipped back the Queen mask - like you can pinpoint the moment she does so! And she keeps it on in front of everyone else but her dragons.

I am expecting a very very cold (but very fragile inside) Dany in 8x05. I am expecting her to push Jon away. Oh and at the ending of 8x04 she totally just gets up on Drogon and goes back to Dragonstone. No way she does anything yet so soon.

I haven’t watched any of the BTS and Making of videos, nor have I watched the 8x05 promo. Will do soon.

Stay strong, jonerys is still going strong. I am here until the very end and I still think this will end with jonerys together. Will it be good writing? Nope. But it will end well. As I keep saying. We’re missing the “sweet” in this fucking “bittersweet” shit show. Stop saying it ends badly because of 8x03.

If you need me, you know where to find me. Image of me in the fandom. Except I charge nothing.

Oh and PS: FUCK D&D.

#got spoilers #got spoilers 8x04 #got 8x04 analysis #game of thrones

[choupetit]

GOT Recap:  The Last of the Starks

Airdate:  5/5/19  Season 8, Episode 4

Ack! The remaining episodes of Game of Thrones are dwindling as fast as the number of secondary characters �� we’re more than halfway through the season and merely two episodes away from the end of the series.  Waaaah, I just want it to last forever!  This latest episode offered up a buffet of secrets, strategy, and surprises, oh my! There’s a lot to unpack, as the writers rush to neatly tie up storylines and set things up for the next big battle, so get comfy, grab a cup of your favorite Starbucks beverage and let’s hop right into the recap for “The Last of the Starks”:

We start off at Winterfell, with a somber send-off of all the valiant heroes who died in the battle against the Night King and his Army of Dead.  Ser Jorah’s body lays on a funeral pyre and a grief-stricken Daenerys Targaryen bids him farewell and whispers something into his ear.  

Sansa Stark stands by Theon Greyjoy’s pyre, crying.  You can’t help but think of all the horror they both endured together at the hands of Ramsay Bolton – the one person who best understood what Sansa has been through is now gone. She places her Direwolf sigil pin in his vest.  Awww, Theon has officially been redeemed in the eyes of the Starks.

After everybody has had the chance to pay their respects, the camera zooms out and we see the enormity of the casualites – rows and rows of multi-leveled funeral pyres stretch across the battlefield.

Jon Snow gives a heartfelt speech and reminds all the survivors of their honor and duty to keep the legacy alive of the brave men and women who died to ensure the safety of humankind. The pyres are lit, and the gigantic cloud of smoke they emit is immense.

With the mass funeral behind them, it’s time for everybody to celebrate their survival with a grand feast in the Great Hall.  Bran Stark, Sansa, Jon, and Daenerys are all steated at the VIP table for the festivities, though Daenerys won’t even look at Jon.  Arya’s absence is noticed by Gendry, who asks everybody he knows if they’ve seen her.  

As Gendry walks past the VIP table, Queen Dany calls him out.  It’s a tense moment as she asks him “Hey, aren’t you the son of Robert Baratheon? You know, the dude who tried to have me killed?” Gendry cautiously replies, “Um…well, about that, see, I didn’t even know my pops and I only recently even found out he was my dad, so…” and then Dany’s all “Dude, I’m just messing with you.” She makes him Lord of Storm’s End – which is apparently a title that is totally up for grabs, and she also tells him he’s not a bastard anymore. Because. She. Said. So.  She also decrees that it’s time for the realm to have access to hand-crafted coffee drinks from entirely different universes and everybody hails both Queen Dany and Gendry, Lord of Storm’s End.  Tyrion leans over to Dany and praises her on the smart move:  It’s both a fitting reward for a war hero and will ensure Gendry’s line will always be loyal to her.

Across the room, Jaime Lannister convinces Brienne of Tarth to let loose and drink a bit, seeing how they have fought Death and survived.  

Meanwhile Tyrion and Davos share a quick chat about Melisandre and the Lord of Light thing that was, actually, weirdly accurate -  and now  it’s all over without much rhyme or reason.  Thanks for acknowledging my feelings, GOT writers, because, yes, it does seem odd that we would have so much cool prophecy-driven stuff and have it suddenly vanish.  Tyrion cynically states that even though the Dead may be gone, they still have people to contend with – and humans are doing a pretty decent job in destroying themselves without the help of the Night King.

Tyrion makes his way to Bran and I can’t help wondering what conversation these two had the night before the battle.  When he points out that Bran’s abilities as the hard drive for their world’s memories will surely serve him well as the Lord of Winterfell, Bran shrugs it off, saying he’s not a Lord, and honestly doesn’t have need for wants in this world as he pretty much spends most of his time in the past.  Gah, I really want to see more time jumps!!! I’m really hoping that Bran’s nifty warging days continue and that they will have a role to play in the following two episodes.

As the men and women continue to celebrate and drink heavily, Tormund Giantsbane gives a toast to the Dragon Queen, who in turn toasts the absent Arya Stark as the true hero of Winterfell that she is.  Meanwhile, Tyrion joins Jaime, Brienne and Podrick Payne for a rousing drinking game.

The night wears on and Tormund  is sloshed out of his mind.  He boistrously sings Jon’s praises, listing his many daring accomplishments and at one point Tormund even roars “Who flies a dragon?  A madman!  Or a king!!” and the room breaks out in cheers.  Daenerys ain’t liking it.   She sulks in the corner and gives major side eye to Jon and his group of pals who are all having a blast as she sits alone and friendless.  Varys looks on with suspicious concern.  She rises with a resentful scowl and exits the hall.

Brienne, Podrick and the Lannister bros thoroughly enjoy their drinking game until Tyrion pulls an a-hole move by speculating about Brienne’s virginity.  It’s very Breakfast Club-y  (“Answer the question, Claire!”) and it sobers Brienne up real quick.  She excuses herself and walks off.  Jaime follows after her.

Sansa spies the Hound and joins him for a chat.  At first he’s his usual gruff self, but he soon comes to realize just how much Sansa has changed since her time in King’s Landing.   He points out that she could have been spared all the torment she’s lived through, if only she had trusted him and left King’s Landing with him the night of the battle at the Blackwater.  Sansa – boss that she is – goes full Christina Aguilera and tells him how all those hardships made her stronger and the woman that she is today. It’s really an awesome scene and solidifies why the Hound is one of my faves and also how savvy and confident Sansa has become since the start of the series.

Gendry leaves the hall and finds Arya, shooting arrows by herself in the courtyard.  He shares the news of his Lordship with her and before you know it, he’s professing his love for her and bends his knee to propose that she become his wife and the Lady of Storm’s End. Aw, Gendry! That’s sweet, but that’s also not Arya’s jam at all.  She lets him down super easy, and while it’s kind of a bummer these two aren’t going to settle down and make babies together, it’s totally the right move. Hold on, though – maybe they already HAVE made a baby together?!  I know it seems a bit far-fetched to throw that log onto the storyline fire with just a few episodes left, but it could be an actual possibility.  Just sayin’.

With the festivities winding down, errbody is looking for a booty call.  Jaime comes a knockin’ on Brienne’s door to do some serious follow up on the question about her virginity.  They hook up and it’s the first time for them both – for Jaime it’s the first time sleeping with a knight…and probably also somebody who isn’t related to him.  For Brienne, it’s the first time sleeping with a dude with a golden prosthetic – which might come in rather…handy.  Also, she is a virgin.  Well, she was.  ‘Till Jaime gave her a hand in that department.  Ok, I’ll stop.

As Jon sits in his room, there’s a knock on the door.  It’s Daenerys and he invites her in.  She gets super vulnerable with him and tells him she loves him.   Things start to heat up and they make out until Jon remembers that she’s his aunt.  Weirdly, it spoils the moment.  Dany wishes he had never told her the truth about his parents, and she begs him to keep it a secret. Jon reasons that he has to tell his family and he downplays the significance of putting the truth out into the world for everybody to know. Danerys counters that this will destroy them and he has a choice, but is being a d-bag about it.  “Ugh, why can’t you just go along with my awesome plan to live in blissful repression so I can be queen and everything stays amazing?!” She leaves in a huff.  I’m so torn by the stuff going on with Dany.  The writers are turning her into this unlikeable, selfish, pouty brat.  On the one hand, I feel she is justified to feel and act the way she does.  On the other hand, she’s making a lot of poor and rash decisions lately and really isn’t winning people over.  She needs a PR overhaul to get her mojo back, stat.  

The next day in the War Room, all the important people are discussing strategy as it pertains to knocking Cersei off her Iron Throne.  Daenerys has lost half her Dothraki and Unsullied troops.  Same for Jon and the Northerners.  They are now at an even balance with Cersei’s fighters which include the Golden Company.  Yara Greyjoy has managed to take back the Iron Islands, so Dany has her support. Dorne also stands behind Daenerys’ claim to the throne, because they hate Cersei’s guts.  Daenerys points out that is doesn’t matter that she has half of Westeros’s support if  Cersei remains in power in the capital – she must be removed.  And Dany’s gut instinct is to completely annihilate King’s Landing.

Lord Varys points out that it’s not the best move to kill thousands of innocent people, if they can find a better way to remove Cersei from power.  Tyrion suggests they make use of the Greyjoy fleet and cut off all food from coming into King’s Landing – he’s seen the people revolt against their monarch on their own in the past.  If they show the starving plebians what a crappy leader Cersei is, they’ll handle her  downfall on their own.  He also suggests that Daenerys offer Cersei a bargain, wherein the current queen can keep her life if she steps down without a fight.  At first Dany bristles at the idea, but she agrees to this plan, if only because it will make Daenerys look good to the people of King’s Landing that she attempted to broker a deal with Cersei to minimize the suffering of the common folk.

Sansa speaks up and says that her men – aka the North – need time to rest and heal from the battle against the Night King.  Daenerys snaps back like a petulant child. “Excuse me?? We need to attack my enemies NOW. I lent my forces for the Winterfell battle – and now that it’s time to pony up the North’s soldiers for my pet project of conquering the realm, you don’t wanna do it yet? What do we say to the God of stalling for time?  NOT TODAY, BIATCH!” Jon interjects that they’ll give Dany whatever she wants, when she wants, and both his sisters shoot him a look.   Ugh, I think it’s a really dumb decision on Daenerys’s part, and it is really solidifying her continued descent into becoming an unreasonable tyrant.  Plus, it’s not winning her any favor among the Northerners, which she badly needs. Really, what’s the harm in waiting another week or two?

Everybody agrees that Jon and the Northern army will march south along the King’s Road.  Meanwhile, Dany and her Unsullied will head to White Harbor and sail back to Dragonstone.  As everybody leaves the room, only the Stark siblings are left behind and Arya grabs Jon’s arm. “We need a word, bro.”

In the Godswood, Bran, Sansa, Arya and Jon all talk about how Sansa and Arya don’t trust Daenerys. But why?!  Cause she’s not family.  Ooooo-kay? Jon argues that’s a pretty stupid reason (I agree), as you can’t go far in life if you don’t widen the circle of trust beyond your kin. When Arya remarks the four of them are the last of the Starks and they need to stick together, Jon says he isn’t really a Stark.  Both sisters tell him that they see Jon as their brother, not their half-bro or a bastard.  Jon’s face is all “Oh, crap.  Maaaan, do I need to get this out now???”  “Dude, it’s your call,” says Bran.  And then Jon spills the beans.  Or rather, he swears his sisters to secrecy and then makes Bran fill them in on the details of his true parents.  Sadly, we viewers don’t get to see that part, so I’m left to imagine Bran pulling out a powerpoint presentation with a venn diagram of two circles that say “People Jon is related to” and “People Jon has slept with.”

The Lannister bros are chilling in one of the parlors at Winterfell, when who should walk in, but Bronn of the Blackwater – crossbow in hand.  Tyrion and Jaime ask him what’s up and Bronn tells him of Cersei’s plan to have him assassinate the two of them for a handsome reward.  Only problem is that Bronn doubts Cersei will win the war against Daenerys, and then she won’t be able to pay up.  When Tyrion reminds Bronn of their mutual understanding that Tyrion will double any amount that Bronn is offered to kill him, they reach an agreement. Jaime and Tyrion can live, and at the end of it all, when Dany takes over as queen, Bronn gets to be Lord of Highgarden – formerly the home of House Tyrell.  I don’t really think Tyrion is in any position to make this offer, but it gets the job done and Bronn is out of the picture till the fighting is through.  He’s always wanted that Castle, and now he may actually get it.  Huzzah for Bronn!

Outside Winterfell, the Hound is on a solo ride, when Arya shows up on horseback and joins him. They both disclose that they are each headed to King’s Landing for some unfinished business with no intention of returning to Winterfell.  And since these two travel so well as a duo, they agree to make the trek together. When the Hound asks Arya if she’ll leave him to die again, should he get hurt she quips “Probobaly.”  He grins and they trot off side by side.  It’s such a good scene.  These two are #FriendshipGoals. My guess is the Hound means to kill his big Frankenbrother, the Mountain.  And Arya, obviously, must be planning to murder Queen Cersei.  Hopefully she’ll do it disguised as Jaime and give Cersei the shock of her life when she ends it.  

From the ramparts, Sansa watches Queen Dany take off with her dragons.  Tyrion approaches and asks “What’s wrong, Buttercup?  How come you don’t like my queenie?”  Sansa considers things for a while and then goes “What if I told you there was a better choice?” Ruh-roh, don’t trust Sansa with your secrets, y’all!  Gurl is savage when it comes to pushing her agenda.  It’s a calculated move on her part, but damn, that is a major betrayal to Jon. I wonder what it’ll do to their relationship.

In the courtyard, Jon is ready to hit the road and bids farewell to Tormund.  His wildling pal is over life south of the Wall, and plans to head back North once the winter storms calm down.  Jon tells him to take Ghost, too.  WTF, Jon!  Rude.  Sam and Gilly say goodbye and reveal that Gilly is preggers.  Yay, Sam will have a legit heir for House Tarly…I mean…if they tie the knot, I guess. They’d better hop to it.  Then Jon gets on his horse and trots off without so much as a belly rub or a pat on the head for poor Ghost who just looks at him like, “Wow.  Ok, so all those times I saved your ass, and protected your dead body and saved your friend AND then ran like a madwolf into a horde of Dead for you…that meant nothing? Screw you, Jon Snow.  P.S. I peed on your entire collection of hair ties. See ya never.”

Dany’s fleet is on the home stretch with Dragonstone in sight. Tyrion and Varys are aboard one of the ships and discuss Jon’s secret and what it means for the future of the realm. Varys questions Daenerys’ state of mind and Tyrion sticks up for her.  Grasping onto hope that Dany and Jon might be able to get married and rule in harmony, Varys shuts it down.  “He can’t marry his aunt, dude!  He’s from the North and that just ain’t cool.  You think his people would stand for that union?”  But Tyrion lobbies hard for Dany and tells Varys she needs guidance from her trusted advisors.  Varys just gives him resting eunuch face.

Above in the skies, Dany flies on Drogon while Rhaegal soars nearby and the dragons both shriek out happy dragon sounds at the sight of their home when…THWACK!  Out of nowhere a spear pierces Rhaegal’s chest.  And then another comes at him.  Holy moles!  Euron’s fleet has been lying in wait and each ship is outfitted with a giant dragon-killing spear launcher.  More shots are fired and Rhaegal gets it in the wing and goes down, crashing into the water below.  Dany is furious and steers Drogon straight at Euron – pure rage burning in her eyes. This is exactly what Euron wants.  He readies the next spear and aims it at her.  But when the spears are launched, Daenerys manages to dodge out of the way and changes course away from the reach of the weapons.  Next, Euron turns the spears on Dany’s fleet, completely destroying all her boats.   Survivors – including Tyrion and Grey Worm –make it ashore, but Grey Worm soon notices that Missandei is missing.

In King’s Landing, Cersei watches from her balcony as commoners file into the Red Keep – she plans to use them as human shields.  Should Daenerys try to lay fiery waste to Cersei and the Red Keep, she’ll have to do so at the expense of the death of several thousands of innocents.  Not a great way to gain the love of the masses, Dany. Euron is there, too, and confirms that Dany’s one dragon was killed.  Cersei smiles smugly and tells  Euron how their child will rule both the land and sea.  Nice way to break the news to him – even if it’s a lie.  Euron is delighted that he’s knocked her up and secured his spot as future king.  As Cersei saunters away, we see she’s taken Missandei as her prisoner.  Ugh, Cersei is such a ruthless biatch.  I don’t understand why she wants to be queen if she doesn’t give a crap about her subjects and hates to be an actual leader to her people.  Seriously, she should just go and be a filthy rich Real Housewife of Casterly Rock and day drink all the time – it would be so less stressful and her quality of life would improve immensely.  

In the War Room at Dragonstone, Daenerys, Varys, Grey Worm and Tyrion all discuss next steps.   Both Dany and Grey Worm are out for revenge and are driven by their emotions, due to Missandei being kidnapped.  Grew Worm pushes for them to storm the city with no regard for the thousands of civilians who will die in the process.  Varys advises strongly not to do this and Dany gets a frightning look in her eye as she says it’s her destiny to free the world from tyrants – no matter the cost.  Somebody call Alanis Morissette because we really need to work this into her “Ironic” song.  “It’s like killing 10,000 peeeeeeeps, so you can be their beloved queen…”

In the Dragonstone throne room, Varys and Tyrion are in for more hand-wringing as they discuss the Daenerys/Jon problem.  Ultimately, Varys has lost faith in the dragon queen and he’s ready to bet all his chips on Jon.  He questions her ability to keep a cool head and worries she’ll get more ruthless and impulsive with more power.  When Tyrion protests that Jon doesn’t even want to be king, and can’t they just rule together, Varys dismisses it as an option.  In the end, Tyrion chooses to stand by his queen and do what a good advisor SHOULD do.   Varys, however, is ready to board the treason train.  When Tyrion asks Varys what would become of Dany, Varys just give him a look.  “Don’t do it, dude.” – “I’ve made my choice – now you make yours”, says Varys.  Oh man.  We already know Varys is gonna bite it, due to Melisandre’s prediction last season. I’m betting Dany is going to find out about his plotting and have him killed.  

Word of Daenerys’s ambush is delivered to Sansa.  When Jaime approaches her, she fills him in and adds “I always wanted to see your sis get executed – looks like I won’t have the chance. Tsk, tsk.”  That evening, Jaime leaves Brienne’s warm bed and saddles up a horse in the courtyard.  When Brienne notices he’s gone, she runs outside and begs him to stay. She believes he intends to save Cersei from Dany’s wrath.  Jaime won’t be persuaded and he gallops off as Brienne sobs, heartbroken. Personally, I think he might just go and try to kill Cersei himself – because, prophecies.  That is, unless Arya beats him to it.  Oooh, maybe he’ll get to King’s Landing just in time to see Arya disguised as him…killing Cersei.  Whaaaaat?  Mind blown. It could happen.

Outside the walls of the Red Keep, Daenerys and Cersei have a parlay.  Cersei stands on her ramparts – which have several dragon-spearing weapons set up – along with Missandei and the Mountain.  Both Hands of the Queen, Qyburn and Tyrion, meet up.  Tyrion informs Qyburn that Dany demands Cersei’s unconditional surrender and that Missandei be released immediately.  Qyburn placidly parrots nearly the same demand back to Tyrion:  Cersei demands Daenerys’s unconditional surrender and if she doesn’t, Missandei will die on the spot.  As Tyrion attempts to reason with Qyburn, he can see it’s pointless and he bypasses him, trotting right up to the gates to talk to his sister directly.  

When Tyrion approaches, Cersei’s archers all pull back their bows, ready to shoot him and oh my goodness, I’m so worried that Tyrion is about to get killed!  Cersei raises her hand, and after a good long moment of  trepidation, she gives her men the signal to stand down.  Whew!  Tyrion appeals to Cersei’s one good side – her loving nature as a mother – and he tells her she and her child don’t have to die if they cut a deal.  She can end her rule, and still have a great life with her child.  But Cersei ain’t having it.  She walks over to Missandei, who stands dangerously close to the edge of the wall. Cersei leans in and places a hand on her arm – is she going to push her?! Will she release her?! Nah, instead she tells Missandei this is her chance for some final words.  Ugh! WHY?  Missandei tearfully stares out at her Queen and Grey Worm and in a cracked voice calls out “DRACARYS!” The Mountain draws his sword and in one fell blow, chops off Missandei’s head while Daenerys looks on in helpless horror.  Her shock turns into pure simmering rage as Daenerys turns away and storms off.  And roll credits.

Ruh to the roh! This episode was rough! Poor Missandei. And poor Grey Worm!  I mean, I did assume one of them was going to die by the end of the series, but my money was on Grey Worm.  RIP Missandei!  I’m so upset that Daenerys is losing her most trusted people who love and support her completely.  I’m not happy at all that the show really seems to be setting her up for a total Mad Queen downward spiral.  Say it ain’t so.

I can’t say I really liked this episode, though I guess it was a necessary one to get all the pieces into place for the last two episodes.  I found it hopped all over the place to get as much stuff in as possible and tie up lots of characters’ stories.   I just hate all the things Dany did in this episode and it feels like a total betrayal to the viewer, if I may say so.  They just had her be this pouty, impulsive and manipulative person who makes a lot of dumb choices. If this is all meant to lay the groundwork to make her seem more and more power hungry and unstable, then well-done, but it doesn’t seem true to her nature at all and feels a bit like a cop out. Unless the writers just WANT us to believe they are going down that track and then they’ll surprise us all. Ahhh, the GOT mind games are messing with me.

Also, I really hope Arya gets to kill Cersei and I’m thinking maybe she’ll even help the Hound kill his bro – because Cleganebowl is starting to look like a sure thing here, right?  I kinda feel like Arya will die by the end of the series, because all four Stark siblings can’t possibly survive, can they?

I’m getting super excited for the big battle episode next week and I’m hoping it doesn’t leave me as disappointed as “The Long Night” in its resolution.  Hang in there, friends, and I’ll see ya next week!

#GOTrecaps

[princepestilence]

New Year’s Resolutions 2018: January.

Sounds of the month: Glorious/Keeping House/I Can’t Decide/Stand By You&Me.

Post-January horoscope: “You’re going to suffer, but you’re going to be happy about it.”

In January, 

- work to a schedule: it ended up not totally working but I’ve already gotten better at quarantining different things to different parts of the day. I’m trying not to do work at night. I’m working on getting things written before the sun goes down. Learning how to draw boundaries is important, and I’m getting there. I think if this is the start of the year, I’ll have nailed this one by the end of the year. We shall see. 

- write 10,000 words: I’ve only gotten to about 6,000, but I’m still happy with that! They’re not a very good 6,000 words, but having them means this month I can make them better: the only improvement you can make on nothing is something, but you can make endless improvements on something. I’m cautiously optimistic today, which is a great feeling compared to... most of the month. I was in despair of myself and my future. So glad to have gotten away from that a bit now. 

- turn electronics off by ten-thirty: I’ve been doing really well on this one, except on the few nights where I was working or writing and completely lost track of time and looked up and it was like two in the morning. Overall, though, a success!

- read a book a week: I fucking smashed this one. I’m so stoked. I’ve read (not in order) All the Crooked Saints by Maggie Stiefvater, The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherynne M. Valente, Heat and Light by Ellen van Neerven, The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley, The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett, half of Carpe Jugulum (also Terry Pratchett), Beauty and the Beast: Classic Tales About Animal Brides and Grooms from Around the World edited by Maria Tatar, half of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, a third of Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan, several short stories, and a dozen fanfiction stories of not inconsiderable length! I am flourishing. 

- play games more often: I smashed this one too! I’ve been playing Okami all month and I’m sort of thinking I’ll go for a 100% because why not. I’ve unlocked a lot of trophies already and the fact is, I actually really don’t want to leave this game. It feels so damn good to play. I wish there was like... way more of it. (Please... DLC... a second game... anything. Let me play this same game all over again, but change the landscape and the plot and the enemies a little bit. I will eat it all up and beg for seconds. Do what Pokemon does... you have found the perfect formula...)

- catch up with a friend each week: this one didn’t really need to be a resolution, but I’m glad it is because it reminds me to seek out and say yes to opportunities when they arise. I am even more pro-active than before, which is ideal, because it’s so nice to spend time with friends. 

- write letters: I wrote and sent two letters this month, which means there’s only ten left for me to reach my goal of twelve. If we fall into a habit of writing one a month or every second month, that will be wonderful. I love the whole experience of letters: letter-writing, sending, waiting, the excitement of checking the mail, the opening (with my very beautiful and beloved letter-opener sword), the reading, the cherishing, and then the writing back. As good as texting and the rest is, there’s a lot to be said for pleasure in the practical doing of letters and the delayed gratification involved. 

- use your nice things: I have been doing so, although the weather has not encouraged me to use many of them--it’s too hot for especially nice clothes, or tea, or candle-lit baths. Nevertheless, though, every day is special.

- fill commonplace book: I’ve been doing so! I’m really hooked on it now, and look forward to sitting down for a little while and writing out words that are really meaningful to me. This will become a lifelong habit, I can tell. 

- finish the Sunshine Times: my heart has not been right for this. But I’ll get there when I’m ready. I think about it often. I visit my children from time to time and remind them how much I love them. 

- be open with, and to, writing: holy shit, did some cool and great stuff happen this month! Not to brag, but guess who’s finally, finally getting out of the other side of the deeply upsetting break in writing that’s been plaguing him for several years? Me. Guess who’s--somewhat typically--gone from zero to a thousand and discovered the idea he’s been sitting on for quite a while is actually 1. good, and 2. a duology? Also me. I’m not ready to commit to a writing schedule yet, so early on, but stars blazing am I here to have fun and be myself. 

- Japanese study: I did a little but kept forgetting. I’m not upset, though, because I still did sort of a lot with this month in other ways.

- work on podcast: not a lot, but did some good thinking and figured out how best to help me progress from here. I’m really looking forward to our practice episodes, which is a good sign! I want this to be something I love and am passionate about.

- be more forgiving: it’s early days but. I think I am healing. I’ve been... quiet for a long time. I think the longest I’ve ever been, since I was thirteen or so. To begin with, it felt weirdly less stable, like any minute things would plunge into the dark waters below, but it hasn’t happened yet. Sometimes only through sheer willpower, but sometimes because the dark water itself is further away. I can feel like... the watchful pressure of it still, like if I’m not careful I could slip and fall from the bridge in a second. And there are days when the spray still hits me and I can’t get it out of my eyes or my ears or my head. But. There’s no doubt I’m going better than ever before. I am cautiously taking steps forward and feeling lighter.

In February, I will:

- write at least 330 words a day, but aim for more. 

- read a book a week.

- write another letter or two, if given the opportunity.

- keep adding to the commonplace book.

- do the first practice “episode” of the podcast.

- continue to be open with writing, and flourish. 

- turn electronics off by ten-thirty. 

- play games often! If you run out of Okami, maybe rebound by starting Pyre or any of the other ones you’ve been sitting on? Or replay Bastion. Whatever works.

- pick a spot to use as your Loud Place, and just... say a whole lot of whatever. Whatever comes to mind, whatever lights your fire. Talk about your characters, your interests, the tropes and archetypes and whatnot you fucking love, make recommendations and natter about what you’re reading, toss out bits of writing if you like, be obnoxious if you have to! It’s more important to be excited and engaged and expressive than being “cool.” Those who don’t try never look foolish, but those who are afraid of looking foolish never achieve anything. 

- see The Shape of Water somehow. 

#i've decided that every january for the rest of forever is going to have this horoscope. it sets the tone for the whole year. #2018 resolutions