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chayacat · 3 years

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Devil’s Sweet Star (26)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut

***

When you're a journalist, you have to know a lot of things. The most important thing in this business is neutrality of course. Even if the temptation to give his opinion is strong, a journalist must remain neutral in all circumstances. He must then have good source and good contact. A good source is even essential to get a good scoop. And having good contact in the field makes it easier. But if there is one thing a journalist must have... It's cold-blooded.

And luckily for Wilhelm, Danny has A LOT of composure. Oh, how many times did he dream of sticking anything in his skull? how many times did he dream of burning, drowning, skinning, dismembering him and what else do I know? Far too much to remember. and every time he dreamed of it; Danny took an indescribable pleasure in it. he would have liked to spend his day with you, not to move from the bed, your little body so fragile in his arms ... Unfortunately, you both work, and if the prospect of going to the police station does not enchant him basically, seeing Wilhelm's face early in the morning, did not help either. And as if that wasn't enough, Wilhelm was in a bad mood. Has he been in a good mood at least once in his life? There's a good chance he won't.

Luckily, Mattew and Melina were there. They're the only ones, with you of course, that Danny will never kill. It's rare to be off the Ghostface hunting board. You can thank God for your luck. But that doesn't mean he won't get revenge in bed. And that you will not escape, you can be sure. Wilhelm was chatting "calmly" with his officers while our trio of journalists sat down working a little further away.

“That's bullshit! There must be a connection between this story and McKellan's murder! They are accused of fraud on a national scale and coincidentally one of the suspects dies! And as luck would have it, Horace Hoggins threatens him three f***ing days before the murder!” said Wilhelm shouting and striking the table.

“Yes, but the modus operandi is too similar to Ghostface's. What if it was really him that he killed him? Or he hired him. But I can't see the "Ghost of Roseville" playing mercenaries.” Said one of the officers.

“Hoggins has money. He could hire any mentally ill person to do the job. After all, we don't know who we actually see in this city. Sometimes the most honest citizen can be the greatest criminal.” replied another one.

“And then reproduce the modus operandi of Ghostface is not very complicated if you have all the necessary equipment to leave no trace. And that, Hoggins can provide.” said the third one.

Danny bit his lips inwardly about it. Copying his modus operandi? not complicated? No criminal even thinks about going that far! Even the bloodiest, or the craziest, would have made a mistake! Danny is the mixture of the two, and yet you never suspect him because he never left any trace, you idiots! But he has to hold back... it was his plan to get Hoggins charged. He must stick to it, and remain calm.,

“Well, he needs to relax a little, inspector... He's going to end up having a heart attack. But hey I can understand, he wants to bring justice to Roseville.” said Melina.

“Yes, but in the meantime, the boss, he's very nice but he's not the one who has to face Wilhelm's nerve attacks... Why did it have to fall on us?” said Mattew, lying on the table.

“Simply because we published this article. Now we can't go back.” responds Danny by putting his glasses back on properly, while looking at his laptop. It was the one the boss gave him so he could store his work. He had a personal one but I do not draw you on what it contains ... You're smart enough to know that.

He looked at all the pictures he had taken in his job as a journalist and a big smile was on his face when he found something to incriminate Hoggins. It is true that he had spied on him at his home that day. And it's like a day or two before Hoggins threatened McKellan. It's perfect.

“Wilhelm. You should come and see this. Maybe I have something for you.” Said Danny.

“If it's to waste my time Olsen I swear I'll put you in jail in the second that comes. Then it's better for you that your find advances the investigation.” respond Wilhelm annoyed before advancing towards Danny.

“Oh, I'm sure you'll like what I have in front of me. When the "scandal" broke out, my boss asked me to take pictures of Hoggins. Spy on him if you prefer. And I remember that a few days before he threatened McKellan... Mr. Hoggins was with someone at his house.”

“... I should arrest you for violation of a private property Olsen... But these photos are important evidence. I would be curious to know what this man who was chatting with Hoggins that day will tell us... and given his face, this man is not a saint. it pisses me off to tell you that but... good job Olsen. Print me these photos so that we can add them to the evidence board.” Replied Wilhelm looking at the photo seriously before leaving the room to get some coffee.

Danny smiled inwardly in front of Wilhelm's face. it's so good to see this bastard feel compelled to thank Danny for helping him. Even if, in truth, Danny was directing him on a false trail. But in the end, everyone will win, Danny even more. Once again, he will escape all suspicion. And his pleasure will be even greater, when he announces to Wilhelm that Hoggins had nothing to do with the story in the end. It's going to ruin his career and that's all he deserves. And then... he will begin his descent into hell. Which will end sooner or later on Ghostface’s knife. Danny does not yet know what he will do to Wilhelm, but he is sure of one thing; He'll love to slaughter him. It doesn't matter how.

Wilhelm returned a few minutes later with his coffee and the photos Danny had printed in the meantime. He put down his coffee to hang the pictures on the board. Then took his cup back to sip coffee.

“Ok. Thanks to Olsen, I'm pissed off to say it, we know Hoggins was talking to this man a day or two before the threats. Which means that long before he threatened him, he was carrying out his plan. We have to find this man and question him! search our entire police registry. His head tells me something.” said Wilhelm.

“Yes Sir!” responds the three officers before leaving. Wilhelm, Danny, Mattew et Melina were now alone in the room.

“You still here? You don't have to do anything else?” replied Wilhelm, looking at the trio.

“Always so kind, we just gave you a boost in your investigation, I point out, you could be nicer at least.” said Mattew.

“You may have helped me, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sympathize with snoops. Olsen is already lucky that I don't arrest him to be entering on private property because he took the right pictures. So now you can go and do your snoops somewhere else! I'll call you when I have news. Get out of the way!”

“Ok, ok, we leave. See ya later, inspector.” said Melina before leaving the police station with Danny and Mattew. Once outside, she couldn't help but grumble. " What a dirty jerk. We help him move forward in the investigation and he treats us like that? Frankly next time, he's going to get fucked.”

“Forget it. We did our part, now it's up to them to do theirs. Anyway, he has to work with us until the end, so we're going to have to be patient. He will be happy to have solved this murder, and we will be free to avoid him... until Ghostface's next murder.” respond Danny calmly, even if in his mind, he wanted to slice Wilhelm's jugular.

“Yes, you're right. So, what do we do? Are we investigating on our side? Or are we going back to the paper?”

“Wilhelm doesn't have us at the right side, if we start snooping around a little too much in his investigation, you can be sure he's going to put us in the most disgusting cells in the prison.” Said Mattew worried.

“Mattew's right, we'd better not pissed off the inspector. Even if I feel like he doesn't need much at the base to piss him off. He said he'll let us know when he gets information, let's trust him, for once. I'm going home for my part. I need to work quietly right now.” Said Danny.

“Say instead, you want to see your sleeping beauty. How's she doing? It’s said that she recruits employees.” ask Melina.

“Yeah. I don't know what it turned out for; I don't think she's made up her mind yet. And then with Ghostface hanging around... she feels a little insecure. We plan to live together in the same apartment. Well, I'm on my way. Say hello to the boss for me! See you later!”

Danny got into his van and greeted his colleagues one last time. Once far enough away, a crooked smile appeared on his face. What a beautiful bunch of fools they all make. It's so easy to fool them... It becomes comical by force. They don't need much to believe anything. But as long as it served his interests... it doesn't mind him more than that.

He went home to work calmly as he had said. He still has articles to write. It's hard to be a journalist and a murderer at the same time, it's a very busy schedule, on both sides. He put down his glasses and rubbed his eyes to wake up a little. He then went to his office to admire his hunting board. A big smile was on his face, watching all those people who fell under his blade... And it wasn't over. He did not forget those he had killed in all the other cities... he wondered if he was still wanted there. And he was already thinking about his future victims. The ones he'll kill when he lives in another city. With you.

What to do tonight? go see you for the umpteenth time? certainly. He is tempted to go to see Wilhelm, to finally confront for the first time, Ghostface and the inspector who is stalking him. That would be great! That would be a huge provocation from him! but... you have to be clear-headed. Throwing yourself into the wolf's mouth after all this work... would be a pity to be captured or killed, so foolishly in addition.

“Don't worry Wilhelm... soon we will meet you and me... Ghostface and you should I say. I can't wait to see that day come, just to see your reaction. I'm sure it will be memorable. For now... I'm going to focus on my plan, to make you go crazy. And also... focus on my beautiful angel.” Danny said looking at your picture.

He knew how to play on both charts. Scare you and reassure you about himself at once... He didn't want a coward, but he still had to keep control of you, and if he has to scare you from time to time to remind you who's in charge... then he will. That won't change the fact that Jed will have to disappear. After all... it's just a name. A ridiculous character he invented to disguise himself in people's eyes. Danny Johnson is real compared to Jed. And you will have to accept it, one way or another.

He moved to his computer to work on his articles, which he was to return soon. He couldn't help but think about your idea of recruiting employees for your coffee. He didn't really like the idea, especially if there's a man among your future employees. He might be tempted to seduce you without worrying about the consequences. Let him try once... and he'll lose his hand. Or the leg. Or the head. It depends on Ghostface's level of anger.

He's going to have to watch your employees very closely. At least when you choose them. At the moment that’s not the case. Danny got up for coffee and went back to the office, taking a sip to keep writing. Occasionally he paused, to stretch a little and move, eat and take a shower to have a clear mind. When he writes, nothing can stop him. If he doesn't take a break himself to feed himself or whatever, he'd spend the whole day at his computer, typing his articles. He could have been an author, but he did not have the faith to write books that, over time, would lose meaning and logic, because of the stress and pressure that would set in and grow.

The last glimmers of the sun disappeared on the horizon, leaving the dark but starry sky of the night. Danny typed the last words of his article, before backing it up and getting up to stretch. Once again, he had done a good job. If Carla were still here... he was sure that she would have scolded him for having worked so much without resting. She used to do it when they were together in high school... she would have done so even today. And you would have done the same if you'd been there.

Danny reread the message you sent him during the day, so adorable that it made him smile, a sweet and sincere smile. He grabbed his Ghostface outfit before putting it on, looked in the mirror and smiled, before putting on the mask and leaving out by the window, like he does every night. You were brushing your teeth when Danny came into your house. He walked discreetly to the bathroom and looked at you from the door. You're so adorable in these pyjamas.

“You're brushing your teeth with a child toothpaste? How cute. Just like this outfit for that matter. Do you want me to make you a pretty braid like little girls?” He said, laughing when he saw you spit out the water you had in your mouth by surprise.

“Hahaha... I didn't know you had such a great sense of humor. Given what happened last time it's hard to guess...” You said ironically, pushing him away to get out of the bathroom.

“Oh, but I'm a very funny person when I want to. Hawn, are you still mad at me for that? But in what sense? Because I almost did it without your consent... Or because you wanted to and I held back?” he replied, smiling when he saw your angry face. “You don't have to give me that face, sweetheart. I'm not here to do it again, I told you: I'm going to make you languish. If I'm here, it's because I heard you were recruiting employees... I'm disappointed, I'd think you'd call on me.”

“Like I'm going to ask a lunatic like you. I want to keep my coffee shop open, not shut it up for murder. I guess you're proud of yourself right now, everyone's talking about your achievement on McKellan. You must have enjoyed slaughtering him like that.”

“Obviously! You should have seen that; he was screaming like a chicken and no one could hear him because this fool puts the music to an almost inhuman volume... It was perfect. I confess that to make deer antlers with his legs and arms, it took me a lot of patience and concentration but... The result is only magnificent. the inspector had to vomit his guts...”

“You're making me sick. Unfortunately for you, I don't plan on being alone for very long.” you replied with a smirk.

“Oh! Are you going to live with your little nerd? How cute. I feel sorry for you, he's just working, working and still working. While I... Well, I'd be more available.” Said Danny with a smirk.

“I fully respect his life choice. And I understand that. I would do anything to make sure he could work while taking care of himself. After what he's been through... he deserves to be looked after.”

“Everyone's been through something tragic, sweetheart. I'm one of them. And I'm going to make everyone pay for it. Until my last breath. And if someone hurts you... So there... I can't guarantee I'll leave him in one piece. I know that one day... You'll call on me for that. Everyone has a dark side to the bottom of their heart; it only takes one click to bring it out. Even the most beautiful angel can't escape it. I'm going to let you sleep... You've had a rough day. As for me, I still have work to do. Goodbye, sweetheart. Have a beautiful dream.

Danny sent you a kiss before disappearing out by the window like every night. He knows that one day you will ask him to kill someone who will hurt you. Or at least you'll make him understand. And on that day, he will be like a knight obeying his queen. Patience and composure are necessary.

It’s only a matter of time.

***

(This little stay at my friend's home made me feel good! I was able to clear my mind a little and now I'm on the attack for the next chapters to come! Don't hesitate to ask me questions or other, I'll be there to answer you! In the meantime, it's time for my brain to rest! Have a great weekend to you all! See ya!)

#dbd fanfic #dbd #dead by daylight #Ghostface #danny johnson #jed olsen

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nightfuryobsessed · 5 years

Text

What happened?

Summary: Set before Heist, you are in charge of putting criminals away. After going over an older case, you find a few discrepancies. Being one for justice, you find yourself at Happy Trails Penitentiary.

Warnings: Angst and mentions of murder, mild

Tags: @shannons-fucked-life @bribrifeefee @scarletender @rats-this-username-is-taken @friendlyphantom @bumble-bitch-sanders @ghosting30s @lildevyl @sketch1205 @of-chaos-and-flame @jadehowlettthewolf @2b4gotn

“Mr...Yancy was it?”

“Yeah, whos’ you, why’d them gua’ds pull me from lunch, we was havin’ a good time ya know?”

Traditional response. Kind of.

Yancy Imeda Plier.

Tried at the age of seventeen, homicide and possession of drugs. He’s spent nearly fifteen years in jail, just missing parole many times. He shows corrected behavior but when parole comes around, he suddenly snaps. As does the rest of the prison. It’s odd.

“I’m sorry, if things go well you’ll be back with your prison-mates soon. Please be aware, everything we’re saying is being recorded. My name is (y/n), I’m a detective in charge of homicide cases, I’d like to ask you a few questions about September 15th if that’s alright with you.”

He went still. He remembers. His files said he didn’t. Something’s wrong.

“Why that particular day?”

Dodging the question. Fear. Unease...maybe regret.

“Do you remember that day Mr. Yancy?”

He’s looking around. His hands are under the table, moving. He’s uncomfortable, he’s got to be. Anyone in their right mind would be.

“The fifteenth. ‘Twas m’ recital, just got the pa’t of Danny ya know. Proudest moment of m’ life,” he says. He seems proud, but something about his voice. I don’t know how to explain it, the closest I could get would be fear.

“Okay, after you got the part, where did you go? What did you do? Please, answer as honestly as you can.”

He’s fidgeting. He brings a hand up to his hair, gently moving it out of his face. He’s scared. Not from me, or the questions. He seems scared of himself.

“I uh...don’t ‘member. Long-time ago, ya know?”

Right, ten years is a long time.

“Let me rephrase the question,” I start, watching as he sat up a bit straighter. Pretending to be strong perhaps.

“Why are you in prison?”

He flinched. He gulps. He looks around before looking down at the ground.

“I’s done lots of bad thin’s.”

“What kind of things.”

No response.

“Yancy, what did you do? Why are you in prison? I want to help you, your file makes no sense, I want to make sure that you’re not sent here because someone didn’t fact check.”

He’s quiet. He doesn’t move. I sigh before grabbing a file from my bag, pulling it out and gently placed it on the table. It’s of the murder scene.

He looks up, freezes then looks down.

“Yancy.”

No response.

“Yancy, do you remember this night?”

He nods.

“The night I...lost my ma and pa. Killed.”

“By you?”

“Y...no. Not by me. Someone else. Nobody believes me, why bothe’.”

“I’m here now,” I say softly, making him lookup. “Please Yancy, tell me what happened that night. Who killed your parents? Why did no one help you?”

“Fine...just, don’t make me leave ‘ere, I know nothin’ else,” he mutters, putting his hands on the table and sat in a more depressed manner. His back was slouched, his head down, eyes closed, and his hands grasped together.

“I was seventeen. Just got out o’ practice. Got the pau’t, lead role if yous’ believe it. I ran home, wantin’ ta tell my ma and pa. We didn’t have much, if I had got the lead, we might get mo’ money. Every kid wants that yo’ knows. I got home and...there was so much blood. I saw ma layin’ on her stomach, she was face down in blood.

“I-I didn’t know what to do, I ran to her and shook ‘er, beggin’ ‘ma, ya gotta get up ma. I got the lead. Ya gotta see the show’. I was just a kid, I didn’t know what to do.”

He was shaking. I stand up and grab a tissue before giving it to him.

“It’s okay Yancy, take your time. I know it’s a lot. If you want you can take a break.”

He wiped his eyes before shaking his head.

“No, no ’m okay. I got cut, the person was still there, but left before the cops showed up. Given how I looked at the time, the blood and show getup, they assumed I done it. I didn’t speak fo’ ‘bout five months. By that time, I was put in jail. It ain’t that bad doe, got food, got a family. ‘Ell I got exercise ‘n visitation every third Sunday. It ain’t too bad ‘ere.”

I frowned before nodding.

“Thank you Yancy, your cooperation is greatly appreciated. I swear, I’ll do everything I can to bring your family peace. I’ll return regularly to give you updates. Thank you for your time,” I say softly before pausing the recording and called the guard back to take the inmate back to lunch.

I saw him relax and gain confidence before leaving with the guards, the large sturdy door closing with a soft thunk. I sighed before gathering my things, only to go still when I heard the door open once again. I hummed softly before putting my hand on my taser. I learned a long time ago that I have to keep one on hand.

Sometimes the dangerous inmates prove that they need to stay in prison. This was one of those times.

#Markiplier Yancy #reader insert #Yancy

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nightmare-circus · 4 years

Text

Serica | Reaction 4/4 | Ode to…

When: Second motive, when their surroundings were not these ephemeral islands but a quiet village. In the midst of suffocating fear, after she had committed to holing up in her room, before he had come to stay with her.

Where: On their mirrors. Due to aforementioned self-isolation.

Who: One conspiracy theorist, one nurse. Just friends, for now.

What:

( > seriously though i dont want to find you dead )

> then don’t go looking

( > how could i not? )

Why:

IX. Yamamoto, Deacon

Was it her fault, for trying to make concrete plans for the future?

( “Deacon Yamamoto, I will do everything in my power to make sure you and I can leave here, that I will find you and bring you home and we’ll spend days just sitting on the couch watching terrible sitcoms, riding on the subway gossiping about tourists, walking through the park hand in hand…“ )

No, that was stupid.

Serica may have been a woman who believed in more than the average person, trusted in platitudes and jinxes where others would scoff, but even in the midst of the unthinkable she was dimly aware this wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t his fault. It was…. someone else. Someone else’s fault.

A someone else who she needed to find. But, she found herself once again incapable of meaningfully investigating. Not this time for exaggerated pain and weakness, but of a pure inability to move forward both physically and psychologically.

She’s done this before. She had just forced herself to shallowly rationalize and pack away the deaths of Miles, Juniper, Tatsuya, Elise. One more couldn’t be bad. She was great at compartmentalization wasn’t she? She was able to laugh and have drinks hours after poisoning a man, she was able to pretend to be a victim when only half an hour before she had killed one Danny Ostergard with her two hands. If she approached this from a distance, with the veneer of a woman who had nothing to do with the dead man before her, with the objectivity of a woman who simply was trying to figure out what was going on… she could do this, right?

Let’s begin.

How does she even begin to explain Deacon Yamamoto?

(Ah… he’d probably like that reference, wouldn’t he?)

u/BoysBBUGS || u/aviary23

Head mod of Fanatical Ravings of the Disappeared, he(?) had a lot of theories that she didn’t necessarily subscribe to, but saw his contributions interesting to pick at. Ships passing through the night on the world wide web ocean.

IX. The Hermit || XI. Justice

A neighbor of a neighbor, though she hadn’t seen him around much. Does he keep to himself? Why the mask?

Cockroach & Serica

A riot of a man, able to make her laugh to hysterics at their first meeting. Supposedly 32 years old, supposedly unable to bath for fear of chemicals, supposedly with child with a man he had just met. Willing to have himself come off as incredibly unreasonable in public. Despite all this, clearly intelligent, clearly possessed a mind that had a voracious appetite for information and was wonderful to bounce theories on. An asset, despite it all.

( “I’m Serica by the way!” )

[…]

“They gave me the name Cockroach. Fucking COCKROACH Ser. What kinda joke is this shit?”

“I have a dumb fucking gift and Cockroach might as well be my real name since I doubt I’ll ever hear my original one ever again.”

Roach & Riccy

Slippery in every way, but not so unreasonable as he seemed. Logic was a great way to combat him, and any answer often had to be weaseled with either heavy theorizing (her specialty) or with a tango with some off the cuff roleplaying (decidedly not her specialty). She wouldn’t be so cocky to say that he changed his habits for her but… she thinks she had a hand in convincing him. He really wasn’t so bad, if you gave him a chance, and he’d surprised her more than once with acts of care and thoughtfulness.

Dee & ██

A friend for sure, and one who seemed to have a genuine loyalty. No qualms at seeing her drop a stun gun in front of him, no reservations when she admitted tentatively that she slept with a knife, no judgements when she casually brought up murder once more. Morals in the traditional sense didn’t seem to shackle him, which was very convenient to incorporating him into her tentative plans. 26, not 32. A New Yorker, as well though rather than any borough, his car was his home. Given his life he had become a stranger to hugs, to positive affection, but once he had a taste he was hungry for more. For all his mock lovers and public swooning, he was dense to actual subtle flirting.

( “My middle name. Aka, no risk of harming me if a faelien hears it. ██.” )

“I don’t have a middle name. I’d tell you if I did, swear. You can call me Dee though. It’s a part of my first name and you already know the first letter of it when I fucked up that one time. So Dee is a pretty good substitute then, yeah?”

Deacon & ███

Incredibly cute. A true newcomer to being hit on, to being told he’s handsome, to being kissed, to being in a relationship. A strong backbone even as she herself wavered in the days leading up to the decisive moment. Determined, stating possibilities as if they were facts and refusing to acknowledge her agonizing over the worst case scenario. Through everything, an unwavering support, a hand on her back, a shoulder to lean on. A good singer of lullabies, in her opinion.

( “███. My name is ███.” )

“Deacon.”

Deacon Yamamoto & ███ ██ █

Did not hold himself in the same concern he showed her. Makes a fuss in the public chat about the wrongs done to him but brushes off the severity when questioned by his own girlfriend. Still a liar, still a master of faking a smile.

( “I won’t remember much but i’ll know your name, your, that you helped me so much in escaping that, that you mean the World to me–” she’s just babbling “I probably will believe myself if, if I actually try to find your information or maybe your drivers license– maybe if I put you in as a missing person or– But oh no will you believe me? What if I just show up at your car and you just think I’m a scam artist or–” )

“My license plate is HGO789. Deacon Yamamoto. I’ll believe you. I’ll always believe you.”

( “…█. My last name is… █.” )

███ ██ █

There once was a man upon whom was foisted a change. Upon his rise to a breathing dream, he was stripped of his taste and stripped of subsequent limits. Immune not only to the aches of poison but the salve of saccharin, the burn of capsaicin. To match with his steel stomach was his mercurial tongue, not gifted but cultivated carefully. Silvery and poisonous with every other word, it was at the command of a mind that paralleled in fluidity. It was as if he was a maestro, and his instrument of choice was a dictionary, phrases and scenarios slung with such rapidity that all who listened were on guard for constant whiplash.

So, it meant something when words became actions.

Anyone can say anything. He especially was able to say anything, a master class perjurer of the highest degree. The sun was about to peek through the sky at any moment, he was a Staten Island woman in an unhappy marriage trying to hook up her hair dresser with her son, he was fine, he was going to be okay, he was going to get out of here–

…

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will take consideration for the situation, and spending precious currency to fit yourself with a weapon.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will help them, protect them, and taking the extra mile to pull down the mattress of a woman who’s waking hell of a gift would not let her climb up the steps otherwise.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want them to live and helping them plan and execute the death of another person.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want to live and…

…

(She was failing miserably in this task).

…

No one who looked at his body, at the stagnant ichor dripping out of his head, could understand the potential for warmth like she would. His fingers combing through her hair, pulling out loose tangles and tucking locks behind her ear so she could look at him unfettered. A grin, not sharp and pulled taught, but gently reassuring, murmuring soothing phrases to ease her anxious hands. Irises, bright not with the promise of information to unravel but with unbridled emotion that made his eyes crinkle, a devoted gaze meant for one.

One person, who stood here alone.

“And it’s not like I need it, yanno? I kinda wasted my life away before all of this. Not sure if I want it back.”

"I won’t die. Not yet at least. I have some things that need getting done."

“I mean I’m not gonna let myself die after I break a leg like some racehorse. I wanna be useful, not a damn trigger happy martyr. ” He had snorted. “I’ll still make a valiant effort to get out of here Rics. But if it comes down to me and you? Well.” He had shrugged. “As a consolation prize I will say, you do make me wanna become someone worth living again.”

"I was impliiiied my dear, of course I’m making it out of here with you. What would the point be otherwise. I was trying to make it seem all badass and broody, adding a technicality to it all would’ve been underwhelming.”

“You’re going to be stuck with me until the end of times.”

“You’re getting out of- we’re getting out of here. You were wonderful.”

“Yes I know. I will. I’m going to get out. With you.”

“Of course, █. We can live a life worth living together out there.”

“It’s going to be alright █.”

“I love you █, please. Trust me, things are gonna be fine.”

“One day at a time.”

One day at a time, she had repeated.

One day at a time, she repeats, staring at his face, flesh frozen in the way that only a cadaver could. She’d never forget the first time she had touched a dead body, and was forced to confront the jarring dissonance, the coldness, the stiffness, the pallor of the skin that had been warm, soft, pliable, just hours before. Only a child, forced to confront the concept of lives ending for the first time. Since then she had seen more than her fair share, from work, from this place, before her very eyes.

Joints creak and echo through her body as she moves, finally. To fold her knees under herself, sit at his side, hand hovering indefinitely, torn between not having to face that final moment of confirmation and wanting to just hold him once more. Before she would have to be torn from him for hours, before they returned from a useless trial and his body would be gone, before she’d have to trudge to their caravan, who’s emptiness would threaten to collapse on her.

“There is nothing worse than not knowing.”

( “No, there’s nothing worse than not living.” )

#ch4 #serica #submission

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flowerfan2 · 6 years

Text

Bound To Be Together - Ch. 9

McDanno, M, A03 A continuous story of Season 9 codas exploring the bond between Steve and Danny as they grow even closer.

(Author’s note... I had no idea that this story would turn out to be so smutty, but what can I do... for this chapter I added the tag “a touch of superhero kink?” on A03...)

Chapter 9: 9.09

Danny is a little disappointed that he had to bring Charlie back to Rachel’s after the release party at Other Realms, but the view as he walks through Steve’s house and out onto the lanai does a lot to cheer him up. Steve is kicking back in a chair, eyes closed, late afternoon sun turning his skin bronze.

There’s a flutter in Danny’s chest at the sight. He and Steve haven’t had any time alone together to speak of since Danny got back from Jersey, since he’s had the kids with him all week. Danny is hoping that tonight he might finally get a chance to see up close and personal what he experienced over the phone.

Steve barely twitches as Danny approaches, however. Whether he’s tired, blissed out in the sun, or just teasing, Danny figures he’ll play it cool for now. Unless they catch a very poorly timed case, there’s no rush.

A copy of “The Mysterious Night Sentinel” is lying on the ground by Steve’s feet, open to the “Book ‘em, Danno” page. Danny grins. Leave it to Jerry to immortalize their catch phrase. Danny looks from the comic book to Steve, still pretending to sleep, and wonders if there’s any connection.

“Hey, babe,” Danny leans over and presses a quick kiss to Steve’s forehead. Steve blinks his eyes open, and Danny shifts so that he blocks the sun shining in Steve’s eyes.

“Hey,” Steve says, hands coming up to rub his face.

“You okay?”

“What? Yeah, I’m fine.”

This isn’t exactly the reception Danny was hoping to get tonight, but he knows Steve well enough not to be offended. When something is bothering him, Steve doesn’t cover it up in front of Danny, and that’s worth more than a roll in the hay.

Danny sits down in the chair next to Steve and stretches his feet out in front of him. “Any chance you wanna talk about this Batman thing?”

Steve grunts. “Nothing to talk about.” He turns to Danny and raises an eyebrow. “Where’s the beer?”

Steve’s playing the Neanderthal card, but Danny can play along if that’s what he needs. “You said you had plenty.”

“Well, maybe I wanted you to get some more. Or at least, you know, bring me one.”

Danny pushes out of the chair and heads back into the house. He could really use a beer. “You’re deflecting,” he calls over his shoulder. “Think about what you’ve done, and I’ll be right back.”

In the kitchen Danny loads up a bucket with ice and a six-pack’s worth of cold Longboards, and snags a bag of pretzels and a pack of oreos for good measure. They’ll probably order a pizza soon, but it isn’t healthy to drink on an empty stomach.

“You’re actually a lot like Batman, you know,” Danny comments when he returns, handing Steve a beer. The idea has been haunting Danny ever since their conversation in the car about superheroes. Danny isn’t sure how Steve thought he could avoid the obvious comparison between himself and Bruce Wayne, or between himself and the Night Sentinel, for that matter – parents dead, father investigating dastardly deeds, son out to avenge his father’s death.

“Nah, I’m just a regular guy,” Steve says flatly.

“One who trains for years to bring himself to the height of physical perfection, in order to seek out justice.”

Steve smirks. “You think I’m the height of physical perfection? Thank you, Danno.”

“Okay, you’ve got me there,” Danny admits, enjoying the brief look of surprise on Steve’s face when Danny doesn’t brush it off as a joke. Steve may not be as young as he once was, but he’s perfect in Danny’s book. “But seriously, now that this fascinating chapter in Oahu history has come to a close, are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“What’s with this sudden need to deconstruct superheroes, Danny? Can’t we just let poor Gene Wahale be?”

“You’re saying it didn’t feel weird to you, maybe bring up some… difficult thoughts, looking into Gene’s investigation into his father’s murder?”

Steve pauses, finishing off his beer and taking another one from the bucket. “If I got all worked up about every case involving a father and son, I wouldn’t get much work done.”

“This isn’t exactly your ordinary case.”

Steve scowls. “Fine, I’m a messed up little kid just trying to be a superhero so I can catch the bad guys who killed my parents. Now can we just relax and enjoy the evening?”

“That’s not what I meant-”

“No? Then what did you mean?” There’s an edge of anger in Steve’s voice, and Danny isn’t sure how it happened.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Danny holds up his hands. “I didn’t mean to piss you off, or insult you, or whatever’s going on here.” Maybe his superpower really is irritating people. “I just wanted to let you know that…” He trails off. It’s hard to speak all of a sudden, especially with Steve glaring at him.

“Let me know what?”

“I think you are kind of like Batman. Your parents’ deaths’ did mess you up, and look what you did in response – you trained to be one of the most elite soldiers on the planet, and now you fight crime. You save the world – or at least the island – on a regular basis. You’re one up on Batman, too, because you don’t have a fortune to use to build your crazy tech, you’ve got to go through all the red tape and requisition it from the government. You are a superhero, Steve, a real one. Making a difference and saving people’s lives.”

Steve looks away, biting at his lip. “There are plenty of people I haven’t saved.”

Danny knows this all too well, it’s part of the job. “We try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes that doesn't mean everybody, but we have to find a way to live with that, or next time maybe nobody gets saved.”

Steve starts to grumble something in response, and then turns sharply towards Danny. “Did you just quote Captain America at me?”

Danny grins. “If you’re Batman, I get to be Cap.”

“That makes no sense,” Steve protests. “They’re not even in the same universe.”

“So, we’ll do a crossover.”

Steve shakes his head at Danny and pulls his phone of out his pocket. “It’s clearly time to order dinner. I think the beer is going to your head.”

*****

It’s hours later, after dinner and beer and getting progressively closer together on the couch as they watch a movie (of course Danny had argued for something with Captain America, while Steve voted for one of Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies, just to keep the debate going; they finally settled on Deadpool 2, because it’s hilarious). Steve grabs the remote and turns off the television, the strains of Pat Benetar’s “We Belong” still echoing in Danny’s head.

Steve doesn’t move to get up, keeping his arm over Danny’s shoulders where it’s been for most of the past hour. It’s dark in the room, a trickle of light coming in through the windows, and it’s pretty clear what might happen next. Suddenly Danny feels almost shy.

“Do you, um,” he starts, but then Steve shifts and presses him back against the couch with a fierce kiss, big hands pushing hard against his shoulders. It goes on until Danny’s breathless, and then Steve lets up. Danny can feel Steve’s smile against his cheek, and his breath hot on his skin.

“Oh,” he says gracelessly, and Steve chuckles.

“Want to go upstairs?”

There’s only one answer to that. “Sure.”

For all Danny’s anticipation, it turns out that sex with Steve is a lot like other things he does with Steve – mostly they move together easily, they laugh when things get awkward, and they can’t seem to decide who’s in charge. They clunk heads as they each attempt to get into position to blow the other, and then Danny’s foot gets caught in the sheets and he swears until Steve yanks the sheet off the bed, almost taking Danny with it.

Finally they’re both naked and lying facing each other, Steve’s hands running up and down Danny’s sides and Danny exploring every inch of tanned and inked skin on Steve’s body. Steve grabs Danny’s ass and pulls them close, and damn, it’s good.

“Just like this for now?” Steve stutters out, questioning. He’s gotten a handful of lube from somewhere and is stroking Danny’s dick with it, his own, too, and thrusting them together.

Danny’s on board, sucking kisses into Steve’s neck. No need to make this complicated. Steve’s leg comes over Danny and pulls them closer, coarse hair rubbing against Danny’s skin. Danny tries to get his hand in the mix, wanting to feel Steve’s heavy weight, and Steve kind of elbows him out of the way, finally flipping them so that Danny’s on his back and Steve is looming over him.

“Stop it, just let me-” Steve pants.

“I just wanted to-” Danny doesn’t have the breath to explain, and he doesn’t really care, because now Steve has got one hand on his dick and another pulling at a sensitive nipple, and his whole body is on fire.

“You can’t even stop arguing during sex, can you?” Steve says, and lets Danny take a hold of his dick, moaning low as Danny gets a rhythm going. Soon there’s no more arguing, just heat and fantastic friction.

Danny is teetering on the brink, and he hears himself letting out a stream of pleas, “oh yes oh god Steve yes…” Steve’s doing much the same, his “that’s it, there, Danny, right there” the hottest thing Danny has ever heard.

Not letting up for a minute, Steve drags a hand over Danny’s body, up and down and back again, then landing at the jut of his hip and holding tight as they grind into each other until there’s nowhere left to go. Danny feels Steve come first with a shout, shuddering above him, and it pushes Danny right over the precipice, white-hot pleasure shooting through his body.

As they come down, Steve flops over the edge of the bed and comes back with the discarded sheet, using it to wipe up the mess on Danny’s stomach. Then he gathers Danny under his arm, and Danny lets him, cuddling up close on his chest and not even caring about how ridiculously sappy he feels.

Steve trails a finger along Danny’s side, then spans his palm across Danny’s waist, possessively.

“You’re right, you are like Captain America,” Steve says, his voice soft.

Danny hums, pleased, brain still too fuzzy to parse this. “Okay. Thanks for the compliment.”

“I mean, you know, maybe pre-serum Steve Rogers. Tiny, can’t walk away from an argument-”

“Tiny?” Danny jerks the pillow out from under Steve’s head and swats him with it. “I’m gonna kill you.”

“Well, not everywhere…” Steve drawls, giving Danny’s cock a pointed look. “But I like it.” Steve drags Danny back down into his embrace, arms going all the way around his shoulders. “I like that I can wrap myself around you, hold you like this.” Steve’s voice trails off. When he speaks again, there’s a trace of uncertainty in his tone. “That’s okay, right?”

Danny pulls away enough to look at Steve. “Is there anything about what just happened that makes you think it wouldn’t be okay? Anything that makes you think I’m not one hundred percent, head over heels into you, mister superhero Seal?”

“I dunno,” Steve says. “We’ve never exactly done this before. It’s different, in bed…”

“It’s not. It’s not different. It’s just right, just like always.”

Steve’s face lights up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll even play Robin for you sometime, if that’s what turns you on.”

Steve freezes, and Danny laughs, Steve quickly joining in. “You’ve got a dirty mind, Williams.”

“Holy kink, Batman,” Danny teases, loving the blush on Steve’s face.

“Stop it,” Steve protests. “I’m too old to go another round, it’ll have to wait ‘til morning.”

“Fine. But settle down, you make a lousy pillow when you’re squirming.”

“Sir, yes sir,” Steve says, his voice light and happy as he gathers Danny against him once again. Danny feels him press kisses into his hair, and he lets himself drift off, secure in the knowledge that tonight all is well in Gotham.

#H50 #mcdanno #episode coda #9.09 #Danny Williams #Steve McGarrett #my fic

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daresplaining · 7 years

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I loved the recent ask you guys answered about Matt as a lawyer and ethics. I'm a recent law school graduate and big DD fan, so my question is: What are some of your guys' favorite moments from Matt in the courtroom in the comics? They could be ones you think are his best work, silly, dramatic, insightful, made an impact, etc. I'd just love to hear some more about his legal work and find some future issues to read. Thanks! :)

Thank you, and congratulations on your graduation! Neither of us have law degrees, so we can’t actually vouch for the accuracy of the legal antics portrayed in DD, but here are a few of our favorite law-centered stories.

Matt on the Legal Rights of Aliens (Daredevil vol. 1 #28)

Matt: “Only the law stands between justice and total anarchy–! And that law must offer equitable protection to all– regardless of race, creed, or color… Now, in this age of space exploration, we may need a fourth qualification… with regard to planet of origin, as well!”

Not a whole trial, but this is a funny early issue detailing Matt’s thoughts concerning the legal rights of extraterrestrials. In his defense… that’s actually a legitimate topic of conversation in the Marvel Universe. This scene was gently mocked fifty years later, in Daredevil vol. 3 #30:

Matt: “It… wasn’t completely serious.”

Ru’Ach: “It seemed heartfelt.”

Matt: “I can’t swear I was entirely sober, even.”

Matt Defends the Black Widow (Daredevil vol. 1 #83)

Natasha: “Once I was a spy– they’ll use that against me, too. All my life I’ve been afraid, Mr. Murdock– first of my Soviet masters– then of a strange curse– and now, when it seemed I’d found a country at last– where I could feel safe– everything’s come crumbling down!”

Matt: “Believe me, Natasha. I understand your fear– and I won’t let it happen– I promise you.”

This is one of a series of issues from around the same time, which all strike at similar themes: Matt defending those neglected by the system. This could describe most of his career, but the similarity of these early cases is what has led us to group them together. The above example comes from Matt’s earliest interactions with Natasha Romanov, who later becomes his partner/girlfriend, and remains one of his closest superhero friends. The Scorpion is seemingly killed while fighting Natasha, and bystanders claim that she was responsible. As a Soviet emigre and reformed spy, Natasha is so sure she will be convicted based on her background and cultural biases that she tries to run. But Matt convinces her to go to court and trust in the system, and manages to prove her innocence.

The other, similar stories from this era that we’ll point you toward are Matt’s defense of blind war veteran Willie Lincoln in Daredevil vol. 1 #47, and his defense of Bruce Banner/Hulk in Incredible Hulk vol. 1 #152-153. They explore many of the same themes, and are equally good.

Matt v. His Childhood (Daredevil vol. 1 #203. Not digitized)

Foggy: “Tell me what’s going on here! Stymie Schmidt is guilty as sin and you know it!”

Matt: “He still deserves a decent defense. A lot of what I am today is due to that man. I own him more than you’ll ever know. This may be my one chance to pay him back.”

This isn’t a full-on legal story, but it’s a fascinating character study and another look how Matt’s emotions can interfere with his ethics. When one of his childhood bullies comes to Nelson and Murdock for legal help, Matt agrees to take the case himself… but Foggy soon realizes that his friend is planning to lose on purpose, for revenge. This is not the only time Matt’s past trauma comes back to haunt him in this way, but it is by far his worst reaction to it.

Karen Page v. Mr. Fear (Daredevil vol. 1 #375)

Matt: “Let’s get some reasonable doubt in this joint.”

Karen: “Matt? Matt? What happened to your face?”

Matt: “Cut myself shaving, of course… That’s what the invincible, cocksure hero is supposed to say, isn’t it?”

DD vol. 1 #375 is the final issue of Joe Kelly’s phenomenal run, and is one of our absolute favorite issues of Daredevil. The story arc leading up to it details Karen’s attempts to deal with an increasingly violent stalker. When he ends up dead thanks to some supervillain meddling, she becomes the prime suspect and is put on trial for murder. Way too emotionally close to the situation for obvious reasons, the issue follows Matt’s frantic attempts to win a case that seems more and more unwinnable the harder he fights, all while attempting to take down the supervillain responsible. It’s a powerful story, and a great look at the point of contact between Matt’s legal and extralegal careers.

Playing to the Camera (Daredevil vol. 2 #20-25)

Matt: “Foggy, meet Samuel Griggs. Mr. Griggs wants to sue Daredevil.”

We mentioned this magical arc in the other post, but it always merits more attention. Matt and Foggy are hired to sue Daredevil for some property damage that Matt knows he didn’t cause. He accepts the case (against Foggy’s wishes) in order to keep the situation under control. Chaos, ethics violations, and a massive superhero law-based comedy of errors ensue. This arc isn’t afraid to take itself less than seriously, which makes it a hilarious read and by far the most lighthearted part of volume 2.

The Trial of the White Tiger (Daredevil vol. 2 #38-40)

Matt: “Sitting in judgment over a total stranger. There is no larger burden that we as a society will put on ourselves. But I can ease that burden for you… because Hector is innocent of the crime he is accused of.”

Luke and Danny talk Matt into helping one of their close friends– Hector Ayala, the original White Tiger– who has been charged with murder. Knowing Hector is innocent, Matt agrees to represent him, despite the danger this association will present to his already vulnerable secret identity. This is a courtroom drama, pure and simple, in which all of Matt’s skill as a lawyer can’t prevent his case from imploding.

(Flash Fact!: Barry Allen (the Flash) has a cameo in this story. Don’t tell DC.)

The Spartacus Gambit (Amazing Spider-Man: Extra!)

Matt: “I’m trying to keep your mask on and get you out of the civil suit. It’s going to take a little more than what I’ve got planned to get the criminal charges against you dropped.”

Peter: “What do you have planned?”

Matt: “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”

This is a great little story, in which Matt defends his buddy Peter Parker in court. He is his typical smug self, which we always enjoy, and he comes up with a creative argument to reduce Peter’s charges. It hits a lot of the same superhero legal issues covered in “Playing to the Camera”, but it’s still a fun read. This issue runs parallel to Amazing Spider-Man vol. 1 #587, so we recommend reading that as well, for context.

Leopold York v. Foggy Nelson (Daredevil vol. 3 #12)

Matt: “Welcome to the mock trial in the case of Leopold York v. Foggy Nelson. […] Professor, will you be defending yourself?”

It isn’t an actual trial, but this flashback to the origins of Matt and Foggy’s partnership is too fantastic not to mention. Foggy is accused of plagiarism by a spiteful professor attempting to get him kicked out of law school. Knowing it’s a frame-up, Matt insists on fighting back, and forces the professor into a trial-like situation in order to argue the truth out of him. It’s a nice glimpse at Matt and Foggy’s early friendship, and a testament to why they make such a good legal team.

Supreme (Daredevil vol. 5 #21-25)

The arc that just ended was a great law-based story, enhanced by the fact that the current writer, Charles Soule, is also a lawyer. Matt attempts to craft a new law that would allow masked superheroes to testify in court without revealing their identities. Wilson Fisk and the supervillain community at large take issue with this. Soule mixes legalese with physical action in clever ways (e.g. Matt’s metaphorical brawl with the Supreme Court, shown above), brings in Jen Walters and Fisk’s badass lawyer Mr. Legal, and generally celebrates the heck out of the intersection between superheroics and legal work. This may be our favorite law-based DD story yet.

#madqueenofhellskitchen #Daredevil #Matt Murdock #Asks #Recommendations list

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dinoalexander · 6 years

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The Semi-Quotable 2017 Part 4

I never had his problem with Livejournal. I’ve had several problems but never this... Part 4.

——

"Note to terrorists: During WWII, London endured this thing called 'The Blitz'. Google it. They will endure your petty stupidity. Note to Trump: During WWII, London endured this thing called 'The Blitz'. Google it. They will endure your petty stupidity. Keep calm and carry on." -Kevin

"When you scroll to find your name, don't see your name for a really long time, and wonder if you could have squeezed just a couple more fucks in there. Missed fucking opportunities!" -Laura

Jay: "Who doesn't love a Brazilian steak?"

Joe: "Who doesn't love a Brazilian ass!"

C: "Who doesn't love a Brazilian?"

"As soon as American Idol came to America, we were all fucked." -Jenna

"This isn't football, it's boy bands!" -Q

"To quote the great philosopher Cornell Haynes Jr., it's getting hot in herre." -C

"I'll always love UNC but Gonzaga destroyed Tokyo." -Austin

"Make chicken salad out of that chicken shit!" -Q

"If one more person adds me to LulaNotLemon group without asking me, I swear I am going to find every pair of leggings on this island and burn them in a huge bonfire at Bayview Park. #YouveBeenWarned" -Shannon

"Stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face. So I have two, maybe three days to live." -Q

"I got some antibiotics for the bug I've had for over a week. I think it's adorable that CVS colored the antibiotics green for St. Patrick's Day and they taste like mint. I think those lazy bastards just gave me a container of Tic Tacs." Klauss

"I used to date somebody with lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side." -Rammson

"Is that a thing? Because I just made it a thing." -Jordan

“What is the current bar for "most awkward human on the planet" in the Guinness Book of World Records? Cause I wouldn't mind getting something back for all my suffering.” -Christina

“You’re like a WetJet with a lab degree!” -Q, on cleaning up the ER doc’s messes

“Supporting my husband’s love for this awful team.” -Kyle

“THANKS FOR NOTHING, CRABTREE!” -Robin

"Had homey on some Globetrotter shit." -Jabari

"NBC: Where Every Night at 8 PM is Fuckin' Christmas." -Klauss

“Diane, it’s ‪Tuesday, August 1st‬ and I’ve stumbled upon quite a few mysteries here at Fashion Peaks. Tully the horse has been sent to the glue factory, The Ascension has a very peculiar taste in music, and my partner, Deputy Dango, has been abducted - possibly by extraterrestrials. That leaves me with two questions: One, who kidnapped Fandango? Two, why didn’t I just call you instead of record this?” – Tyler Breeze

“Wait, so that giraffe still hasn't given birth? Have we explored the possibility that the zookeeper just overfed her a few months ago and lied instead of admitting the mistake?” - Nedeff

“Just finished watching ‪Die Hard‬ for the first time (we can discuss later). ‪Die Hard‬ is 100% not a Christmas Movie. Just because it ends with Christmas Music doesn’t make it a Christmas Movie.” – Dan O’Toole with the most wrong hot take of 2017

“We're still gonna get near-daily articles trying to Understand The Le Pen Voter though right” @pattymo

“Of course any portrayal of a real-life figure is about so much more than physical resemblance, but come on guys: how did they NOT cast Christopher Plummer as J. Paul Getty in the first place?” – Richard Roeper

“Danny Ainge the only American who can outsmart a Russian.” – David Dennis Jr.

“The Yankees haven’t been in the playoffs in a while so I forgot how punchable Brett Gardner’s face is” – Brad Rutter

“HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” – Dougie Jones

“There’s no fucking way he sold 200 Streamdaddy’s” – Prez on IYH

“By far the most bizarre trivia fact about Dean Stockwell to me is that he’s a trained martial artist.” – Allison Pregler

“Don’t Worry, We’ll Let You Know When The Last Surviving World War II Veteran Dies” - ClickHole

“And I thought Ashley Judd’s sleaziest boss was Benjamin Horne.” – Ken Jennings

“Because hey, if you lose $35 Million one time, try try again!” – Scott Keith on Vince McMahon relaunching the XFL

“I don't recommend going to Wal-Mart 2 days before Christmas. And by "2 days before Christmas", I mean ever.” – BFG

“Pepsi: That was the biggest PR blunder of the week, year maybe.

United: Hold My Beer

Sean Spicer: LEEEEEEEEEERROOOOOOOY JEEEENNNNNNKINS!” - @Lance_Bradley

“IF THE TITANIC HAPPENED TODAY: “Sir, we’re heading straight for that iceberg. / That’s a fake iceberg. / Sir, it’s a mountain of ice and it’s right in front of us. / Full speed ahead! / Sir, we just hit the iceberg and now we’re sinking...Sir?...Women & children first, Sir...” – Jeff Daniels

“Hot on the heels of his triumphant rebranding of MySpace, Justin Timberlake brings sexy back to the NFL.” – Kevin M.

“Derek Jeter is so freaking hot. I hate the Yankees!” – Greg’s friend Kat’s mother

"Marty Jannetty couldn't buy a date..." thankfully 24 years later Marty will make sure his dates don't share his DNA...” - Dane

“Next year's State of the Union should have an In Memoriam montage with everyone who's been fired.” - Nedeff

“What can bring an end to an angry dance montage? FUCKING ‘NAM!” – The Cinema Snob

“IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BUNNY! ………… Is it about the Bunny? ………. No, it’s not about the bunny.” – Tommy “Hawk” Hill

“WARREN WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?” -Jimmy Kimmel after the Oscar Best Picture fuckup

“GOODBYE AOL INSTANT MESSENGER GO FUCK YOURSELF” – The Iron Sheik

“A producer pitches a show to an NBC executive.

"Wow me."

"Okay- it's The OJ Simpson Trial... but wacky!"

"Go on..."

"It's a procedural comedy where we don't know whether he did it until the end of the season!"

"But... this is a murder, right? Someone dies?"

"Oh, yes- good 'n' dead."

"I see... and who were you thinking would play the role of the is-he-isn't-he murderer?"

"The Trinity Killer from Dexter, John Lithgow."

"Dick Solomon?! GREENLIGHT THAT ISH" - Fard

“EVERYTHING TRUMP TOUCHES DIES!” – Rick Wilson

“Can’t believe Weinstein didn’t go with the old “locker room talk” defense.” – Matthew Yglesias

“So here's what we're gonna do. Without my knowledge, my husband came to you for a loan of $20,000. You were nice enough to give it to him. But he should never have been gambling like that. I'm gonna pay you back. Now, at my bank, where we make less than one percent interest on what little money we have, people would be turning cartwheels just to get 25 percent interest on any loan, and that is what I'm generously gonna give to you right now, $25,000. That is my first, last, and only offer to you. What kind of world are we living in where people can behave like this? Treat other people this way without any compassion or feeling for their suffering? We are living in a dark, dark age, and you are part of the problem. Now, I suggest you take a good, long look at yourselves because I never want to see either of you again.” – Janey-E Jones

“If professional wrestling isn't real why have I spent the past hour watching Bobby "The Brain" Heenan videos quietly alone in my hotel room?” – Tom Arnold

Gordon Cole: “We’re not anywhere near Mount Rushmore.”

Albert Rosenfield: “I brought a picture for you.”

Gordon Cole: (Looks at picture) “There they are Albert, faces of stone.”

“This is pretty exciting to be apart of this nomination for @VeepHBO especially since my mom watched the entire last season of Madame Secretary and was confused why I was never on it.” – Paul Scheer

“Nice to know that while other industries are turning to tablets and screens, game show hosts are still plugging away with those little cards.” – SC Duncan

“We will remember the unappreciative, ungreatful, evil, awful, Anthem owl men and the man who’s fond of slapping nuts on how they treated us on our exodus from Impact Wrestling YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!” – Matt Hardy shooting on Double J’s business practices

“Steve Bannon gets tonight’s Last Word – which for him, is the complete silence of utter humiliation” – Lawrence O’Donnell

“SHOVEL YOUR WAY OUT OF THE SHIT!” – Dr. Lawrence Jacoby

“Sorry I took your suit. I mean, you had it coming. Actually, it turns out it was the perfect sort of tough love moment that you needed, to urge you on, right? Don't you think? Let's just say it was. Look, you screwed the pooch hard. Big time. But then you did the right thing: you took the dog to the clinic, you raised the hybrid puppies... alright, not my best analogy. I just wanted to mention that I think with a little more mentoring, you could be a real asset to the team. There's about 50 reporters behind that door, real ones, not bloggers, so when you're ready...” – Tony Stark

“In the Alabama Senate Race, the predicted result among many pundits was a narrow margin of victory. Roy Moore himself, however, was hoping for a shocker in the teens.” – Nedeff

“Sports Illustrated called and said I was probably going to be Sportsman of the Year, but it was going to take a long photo shoot and interview. I’m not proud of my recent perm and have a interpretive dance class at the interview time so I turned it down! No Thanks SI!!” – Noah Syndergaard

“Wow, if I had invested $1,000 in Bitcoin last week, today I would have... still no idea how Bitcoin works.” - @StephenAtHome

“In a confusing twist, Han Solo's name will be revealed to be Luther Campbell.” – Jeff Gerstmann

“Lordy, I hope there are tapes!” – James Comey

“This is the water, and this is the well. Drink full, and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes, and dark within.” – The Woodsman in Episode 8 of Twin Peaks: The Return

“We need some loving profiles of a small town in northern Alabama that thinks obstruction of justice is fine because Drumpf respects cops.” – Matthew Yglesias

“Why are Greg Gumbel and Seth Davis sitting at a desk for ants?” – Andrew Bucholtz

How many more of these things will Tumblr tolerate? Stay tuned...

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