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checkurwindow · 3 years

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you’re smiling, right?

Book: Open Heart

Warning: a pinch of suggestive material Rating: General Pairing: Ethan x F!MC Word Count: 3200+ Author’s note: A sequel to “i’m so scared”, angst, angst and more angst. I love this fic so much. Check out my masterlist for more!

He should have done more.

She looked so small and frail in the hospital bed, a stark contrast from her usual healthy and fit form. With her hands resting on her stomach, rising and falling in sync with her low breathing, it reminded Ethan too much of death. He impulsively reached out, stopped himself, then reached out again to shift her hands so it laid at her sides.

His hands were quivering, his breath was more shaky and heavier than even hers. He wasn’t supposed to be there, he wasn’t on call and visiting hours were long over, but he was Doctor Ethan freaking Ramsey, world-class attending, which was exactly what he told the nurse who came in a while ago. He wasn’t forceful, he hadn’t demanded (something that rarely occurred), but he figured the nurse had let him stay not because of his position, but because she heard his raw and thready voice, or maybe it was his red and slightly swollen eyes that gave it away, maybe because he looked like he was prepared to leap out the window.

To be truthful, he was. But he held on because he had hope that the light at the end of the tunnel was nearing. She was improving, only by an incredibly small margin, but improving nonetheless. That’s what he told himself: she was getting better, she’ll be fine.

Lying was bad, but sometimes lying to himself was the only option he had left.

He should have done less.

It was all his fault. It was his idea to bring up that stupid clinical trial, it was his actions that pushed her away, it was his fault that he wouldn’t even be able to say goodbye now. The knowledge that if he hadn’t done anything, he would still be able to hear her voice one more time, to see her smile, to hear her laugh, it ate away at him.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” She said to him when he first told her about it. He should have listened to her, she was always right, but he wanted her to get better so damn badly that he made it worse.

“It’ll work, I know it will,” He told her when she started feeling so weak from the drugs that she could barely sit up in bed without her chest heaving. If only he hadn’t gotten involved, she wouldn’t have to go through so much pain, he wouldn’t have to go through the pain of seeing her like that either.

He stood in the corner of the well-decorated hospital ward that felt so empty without her joyous personality to fill it. It was strange, really. He had been in more hospital wards than he could count, he broke the news to sobbing patients and family members without feeling much of his own emotions, but even entering the vicinity of her room could make him break down in a fit of sobs.

Letting himself slide down onto the cool floor, he curled his fists tighter in his green leather jacket, wrapping it around his shoulders as best as he could. It smelled of a number of things, the most significant being her. It smelled of cheap alcohol, of cigarettes, and sweat, it smelled of those trashy clubs he never liked to go to, but loved it whenever he went with her.

“Doctor Ramsey?” The voice and a knock on the door made him peel his eyes away from where she laid on the bed in the middle of the room.

It was the nurse from earlier. Taylor, he vaguely remembers her name from before. She had a piping cup of hot coffee in one hand, a bun in the other, both undoubtedly subpar and from the cafeteria.

“Thanks,” is all he mumbled when he received the items from her, lazily tossing the bun onto the bedside table as she slipped out and back into the hallway.

The coffee wasn’t whiskey, which was what he told himself he really needed at that moment, but at the very least it was enough to keep him awake a while longer, enough for him to continue watching over her. Because he would, he’d stay up all day and all night until she woke up and he gets the chance to say he’s sorry, even though Ethan Ramsey never apologises; but if she did, if she just opened her eyes, he’d do anything she wanted him to.

And if she didn’t. Well, he just hoped he wouldn’t have to find out anytime soon.

He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

There was a point where rage met serenity, where the anger and the storm that roared would settle, the point before all hell broke loose. It was the eye of the hurricane, where the pain and the fury that built up inside of him just stalled, paused, and there was a moment of peace, the calm before the storm.

That was where Ethan found himself now. He was enraged, but too tired and helpless to do anything about it, so he did nothing. The world grew quiet and his skin went numb. The rain no longer stung against his bare flesh, the pain that had erupted in his chest faded to a sort of hollow feeling between his ribs. The shouts that came from his throat grew silent, and the fog that clouded his eyes cleared. Complete clarity, complete silence.

He remembered the way the adrenaline pumped through his blood as he stood in front of the classroom. The time he found her friendly smile amid the sea of judgement.

He smiled at the memory of running away in the evenings in search of exciting adventures in their teenage years, how carefree and unknowingly in love they were with each other. He could remember the sound of her voice, every small agreement and hum as he rambled on and they drove late into the night, nowhere in particular they had to be. He could remember the sound of tires on a lonely stretch of highway, and the crackling of the radio in between their favourite songs. He could remember the sound of her almost obnoxiously enthusiastic singing slowly turning to a quiet mumbling as they drove further and further away from everyone else, just the two of them.

He could remember the sound of her breath in between kisses, the mattress shifting under them as they melted into one another. That day was so clear in his head, the day after he told her, the day after she told him. The drastically different pieces of information they gave each other was uneasy at first, but they soon agreed that they had waited too long to not be with each other. He remembered the steady beating of her heartbeat as he held her close.

He could remember the blissful sound of her laugh; her real, hysterical, full-of-wheezing laugh, the one that erupted from her chest whenever they shared something as personal as an inside joke or something as simple and stupid as finding each other’s gaze in the middle of a terrible school presentation. He could remember every math formula or history fact she repeated to herself while studying for finals, in hopes of achieving her dream of being a doctor and getting the chance to help people. He could remember every note, every chord, every lyric of every one of those acoustic, raw pop songs that she loved so much throughout the years. He could remember the sound of puddles splashing and metal fences clanging as they ran away from a place they weren’t supposed to be at in the first place.

He could remember the moment when he woke up in her bed, his nostrils intoxicated by her scent that he loved so much and his arms wrapped around her, her head nestled deep in his side, all the what if’s filling his head, imagining what could’ve been if only those few little things were different. He could remember the way his fingers gently traced those three little words endlessly on the skin of her forearm, and the way she let him go on and on for who knows how long while she was awake before she finally mumbled a single, “love you too” and they contently drifted back to sleep.

He could remember being held back by her friends as he helplessly watched the code team rush into the room, desperately hoping that they could help her, that they could help him. He could remember the feeling of pain in his throat as he let out a desperate scream when he saw them step away from where she lifelessly laid, the doctor looking down to his watch and calling time of death.

He could remember the way he felt when Lahela came to their his apartment and cracked the type of joke that she would have told him, the kind he used to enjoy hearing from her, but despised it when it came in somebody else’s voice. He could remember when Bryce quietly uttered a pitiful “I’m sorry” and handed him an envelope. He couldn’t muster up the strength to find out what was inside, so for a long time, he didn’t.

He couldn’t admit it to himself that she was dead and his whole world had fallen silent.

One day, when he finally felt ready to face the music, he went into his living room, picked up one of the throw pillows she bought him to “add a little bit of colour to your monochrome world”, he unzipped it from the side, stuck his hand in and retrieved the letter.

He peeled off the little sticker holding the envelope together and let his hand run over her handwriting on the paper. And for the first time, he finally felt like he was ready to admit that she was actually gone.

To Ethan,

Did Bryce crack a joke or try to cheer you up before he handed you this letter? Did Jackie tease you with an obviously fake amount of sarcasm because she’s too scared to say that she’s been crying? Did Elijah offer to come over to our your place and insist on having a Marvel movie marathon, or offer to watch those boring nature documentaries that you’re too embarrassed to admit you enjoy but everybody already knows you do? Did Sienna bring you all our your favourite baked goods and groceries and enough home-cooked food to feed you and Jenner for the rest of the month? Because I know you, and I know you won’t be able to go out to get your own, and I don’t want you to have to live off my old instant noodles, even though they’re great (for taste, not nutrition).

Well, they should have, because I specifically asked them to do every single bit of it, and I’ll be mad if they don’t force you to take their help, even though I know you’ll try your best to convince them that you’re okay, but I know for a fact that you aren’t.

I don’t want you to shut everyone out of your life now that I’m gone, because I won't be there to help you open back up when you’re ready. I want you to embrace their help and maybe even embrace them. (What? A girl can’t dream?)

Most importantly, I don’t want you to feel empty. It’s perfectly fine to feel sad and to grieve, but don’t let yourself feel empty. I’m still here, I always will be, which means I’ll be watching you, so I don’t want you to associate me with sadness, because I deserve so much better than that and you know it.

I want you to get everyone together, and I mean everyone. Pick a place to sit down (extra points if it’s on a roof with lots of alcohol, ask Bryce about that) and talk about your favourite memories of me. I know everyone has good ones. I’m giving you explicit permission right now to tell them about the...snorkeling incident, only because I love you so much and I know you’ve been dying longing to embarrass me and tell everyone about what happened. You remember it, right? Y’know what, I’m gonna take this time to get ahead of the story so you don’t paint me in too bad of a light.

It was two years ago, you had just discharged a very wealthy patient. Who, for the record, was totally into you, I mean the lady took every opportunity possible to sneak a look at your ass (I should know, as I would’ve done the same thing in her position). She gave you the contact number to her travel agency, where she had booked a 3-day trip to an ultra-swanky private island holiday that she and her husband couldn’t go to as she was on bed rest for another week.

You were going to refuse it and let it go to waste (like the idiot you were are), but I convinced you that we could make it a friends’ getaway from the busy Boston life, and you agreed.

4 hours and a lot of owed favours to cover shifts later, we were toes deep in the smoothest sand I’d ever had the pleasure of experiencing in my life. The only thing your patient failed to mention was that it was a couples retreat, which we definitely weren’t (back then, at least). It was too late to go back, so we just decided to make the most of it.

We were snorkeling, and I was having the time of my life...until I spotted a jellyfish. I know you’re laughing at this right now, so stop it. I panicked and started yelling for you to swim back to shore, but you came to me instead, and in the midst of all the panic, I got stung. It was a pain to swim back to shore, and I was totally gonna ask you to pee on my leg if the stinging continued (as a last resort, because I’m not that gross), but you knocked some sense in me by reminding me that white vinegar works so much better.

It would’ve been all fine if it ended there, but it most definitely did not. The lifeguard didn’t have any vinegar, but the restaurant was nearby. I practically sprinted into the kitchen and stole the first bottle of vinegar I could find, somehow dodging all the guards that were shouting at me. (I’m fairly sure I’m still a wanted patron there, but I’m not going back anytime soon)

We made it back to our suite, the pain had subsided a little but the swelling wasn’t looking like it would anytime soon. I passed you the bottle to open...and it wasn’t vinegar. I still have no clue how my mind was THAT clouded that I grabbed a bottle of vodka instead of vinegar. There was no way I was going back to the restaurant, so I snatched the bottle back and took a swig, and oh god was it strong. I think the burning at the back of my throat was worse than whatever the jellyfish could’ve done to me. And you were laughing, you were laughing so hard at me, who was in so much pain, and I’m pretty sure I heard a snort in between your uncontrollable fits of laughter, how dare you?? I know you’re still laughing at this now and I hate you for it.

We spent the rest of the night talking and drinking (and you making petty jabs at me), and it was the best night of my life, minus the whole jellyfish fiasco. The rest of the trip was even better, do you remember us pretending to be a couple to enter that competition and winning a private dinner on a yacht? I loved every second of it, and I didn’t know it yet, but I loved you too.

You’re smiling, right? Good, because that’s exactly how I want it to be, I want you to smile when you think of me, I want you to remember all the good times we had, and forget the bad. I want you to be happy when you think of me, even though our last shared memory wasn’t the best one. When you think of me, hopefully you’ll feel the same way as I do when I think of you: lucky that I fell in love with the most incredible, generous, sweet, comforting person I know, and the person who’s been by my side right from the very first apple slice.

I know it’ll be hard, I know that you’ll struggle with all the firsts after me, the first time you go out, the first time you smile, the first time you visit me, the first shift you pick up at the hospital, the first time you feel happy without me, the first person you can talk to about all the things we used to talk about late at night when I couldn’t sleep, the first time you get nervous and you heart starts to race just by the sight of someone else, the first kiss you have without feeling guilty that it isn’t me you’re sharing the moment with, the first I love you with someone else. As much as I want to be the one you share all of it with, the one you spend the rest of your life loving, I can’t. But I still want you to have it, every single little bit of good that you have, I want you to keep it and treasure it, because you deserve it. You deserve all the good in the world and so much more.

Most importantly, I want you to move on. Shed all the tears that you need to and hold on to every one of my possessions for as long as you need, hide in as many supply closets and pour your feelings out as many times as you need to, but one day I want you to be able to read this letter with a smile on your face and let the light of the world shine down on you, because that’ll be me up there, making sure you know that I’m always looking out for you.

Since the first day I saw you in your little blue button-down, to when you helped me up when I fell off my bike, to when you sneaked me out of my dorm room to get midnight milkshakes, to when we passed our boards, to when you stood by my side at the trial during intern year, to when we had that picnic at the park, to right now, as I write my letter to you, to the day I go, to the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that, and every single day after that. I don’t regret most of the things I’ve done in my life, even all the bad choices I’ve made. The only regret I have is not realising just how much I cared about you earlier, we could have been so much greater if we weren’t so stupid. It’s almost poetic, don’t you think?

Eventually, one day, when I see you again, I’ll be able to tell it to you myself, but for now, you’re just gonna have to make it through with the words in this letter.

I love you, Ethan Jonah Ramsey, now and forever.

With every single ounce of my love,

Your best friend.

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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718

If you lived in Bikini Bottom, would you befriend Spongebob or Plankton? Obviously Spongebob. I’m there to have a good time and catch jellyfish, not eat holographic meatloaf and make it my life’s goal to steal a secret formula. Do you have any bananas in your house right now? I think we still have some left. My dad bought a pack? a group? a bunch? of them so he can make banana cue and turon for my mom and sister while we’re all stuck at home for the meantime. Which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? Eh I don’t judge this easily since I assume tattoos mean a lot to people but where I’m from, line tattoos are pretty overused. They DO look nice and I get why they’ve been trending for a while, but yeah they’re evvvvvverywhere. Is it easy to distract you? Yes haha I have a rather quick attention span. Do you prefer to drink from glasses or mugs? Depends on the drink. I drink my water from a glass but I prefer my coffee in a mug, that sort of thing.

What was the last thing you taught a younger kid? I don’t feel confident teaching kids just yet, huhu. It usually works the other way around: when I’m with kids, they teach me how to play their toys or whatever game they’re playing on their parents’ phone/iPad. Are the clocks in your house mostly digital or analog? We only have one analog clock. We mostly tell the time from our phones. How long have you had your television(s)? Answered this before but we have two TVs that are 12 years old and two others that were bought within the last decade. Do you like watching movies made with CGI or do you prefer hand-drawn ones? I don’t care. As long as the end product is done well I can enjoy the movie. Where did your parents buy their car(s)? I know for sure the two family cars were bought directly from the official dealers. I think mine was a secondhand one. Do you know why your grandparents chose your mother's name? No. I think they just liked the name. That makes me want to ask my grandma though. What is your favourite kind of soup? Miso is the only one I really like. Have you ever made your own musical instrument? Nope. What do you think of Leighton Meester's singing voice? I only know one song of hers and I reeeeeally loved that when it came out, but I don’t think it’s enough for me to have an opinion for her music altogether. I definitely don’t hate her voice though. Do you think you'd do well at teaching the English language to a foreigner? Yeah, it’s my other everyday language and I’m a little bit more fluent in it than I am in Filipino. How long have your neighbours lived there? About the same time as us, I think. We all moved in at sort of the same time when the village was newly developed. Is it weird to hear your name in movies or TV shows? It’s not a very common name so it does feel a bit weird to hear, yes. It’s weirder if I have to refer to the character in third person cause I never liked saying my own name :/ Why do so many people seem to hate the Jonas Brothers? Am assuming this refers to the Jonas Brothers pre-reunion because I’m sure no one hates them and their new music now lmao. I think, simply put, it was because they were teenagers then, and pre-teen and teenage girls was their main fanbase? Most people liked to shit on that category of celebrities, even today – case in point, Justin Bieber, 5SOS, One Direction haha. What is a store you like that is exclusive to your country? Fully Booked! It’s the most complete, up-to-date, and chic bookstore brand we have. The Fully Booked branch in BGC in particular is a partnership with Starbucks, so you can immediately walk over there to get a coffee and read after buying a book heh. If you attend school, what time do you usually get home after? I always have extracurriculars like org stuff, meetings, or fieldwork after my academic schedule so more often than not I’ll get home by 9 or 10 PM, which leaves me feeling exhausted as fuck at the end of the day. When was the last time you really needed to just let loose? Like two weeks ago? I was bored out of my mind being stuck at home so I chugged a lot of soju that I asked my dad to buy so I can at least be drunk while being bored lol. Have you ever been blackmailed? Kinda. There was a time when I didn’t talk to my sister and didn’t really feel well enough to reconcile with her yet, but my mom threatened to go to our class guidance counselor and expose me and ‘the kind of older sister I am’ if I didn’t make amends with my sister immediately.

This might sound sarcastic but thanks, survey, for reminding me what kind of mom my mother actually was during the years that were the most critical to my development lmao. I always need reminders like this because despite how our relationship has ‘improved’ now that I’m older, I shouldn’t forget the trauma she caused me and the fact that I had always planned to detach myself from her as much as possible once I’m fully independent. I can’t disappoint my younger self by keeping her in my life as if nothing happened.

Do you suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome? No. I keep forgetting what that means. Would you rather have novels based on your life or a series of comic books? Novels, so I’d be more interested to read it. Have you written a resume before, either for yourself or someone else? I did a resumé when I applied for my internship. Did you know that they plan on releasing a movie based on The Smurfs? This survey is sooooooo old hah they’ve made a bunch of films on it already. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to live underwater? Not really. Mostly I’ve just wondered what it would be like to be a creature from the deep sea, where it’s totally dark and most of the animals there look prehistoric as fuck lol. Have you ever worked in a bakery? If not, would you like to? No but this question reminded me of Harry Styles, aw :’) ANYWAY if I did I’d probably take up a job in the office, since I can neither bake nor deal with people on a regular basis even if one argues that bakeries aren’t really particular spots for angry Karens or Barbaras. What is your favourite thing about snow? I like that we don’t get them because it’s bound to make my first encounter with snow in the future magical as fuck. Is there a big personality difference between you and your sibling(s)? Yeah. I tend to adapt to new environments way better than they do and I’m definitely the most extroverted of the three in all aspects. Do you enjoy decorating things with stickers? Hahahah yes, it’s an uncontrollable urge. I keep my stickers to just my laptop case these days, but back then I used to put stickers on my phone case, my ID case, clipboard, wallet, etc. Did you lose anything recently? Did you end up finding it? I lose my hair tie every now and then; my hair’s a bit short for a ponytail now so my hair tie gradually slips out my hair with me barely noticing it, so it always ends up in random places around the house. I do end up finding it after a while but it gets frustrating whenever I realize it had fallen off again. What colour oven mitts do you have? We don’t really use the oven so we barely use the ones we have. I don’t even know the color of it.

Why do you/don't you watch award shows? Because there are sooo many commercials in the middle of it, some presenters are awkward as fuck and I’d rather save myself from the secondhand cringe, and most of the time the choices for the winners are undeserving and end up pissing everyone off. It’s always easier to just wait a few hours and check the results on Google; and besides, the only fun parts are seeing what everyone is wearing and who attends to begin with hah. What do you think of Ellen DeGeneres as the new judge on American Idol? God this was a lifetime ago. I think I mostly didn’t mind it but I never did get over the replacement of the OGs Randy, Simon, and Paula. Do you ever do the exercises featured in some magazines? No. Have you ever watched What The Buck? What do you think of it? I don’t think I’ve heard of that. How long ago did you switch from cable to satellite, if you did? We didn’t make a ‘switch,’ per se. We had cable in our old home but when we moved to our current house in 2008, having extra channels wasn’t really the priority as moving already entailed a whole lot of expenses to begin with. That meant we only had free TV for a while which was extremely fucking boring, but eventually my dad got us satellite in like 2011 or 2012. When was the last time you partnered up with someone to complete something? I decided to partner up with Andrew for my undergraduate thesis in like August last year. Do you consider Lady GaGa's appearance artistic, or just plain weird? Artistic. What do you usually do when you have trouble sleeping? I put a lengthy YouTube video on so I can fall asleep to the background noise. At least that’s what I do these days - I always thought I needed complete silence to fall asleep, but apparently that’s not the absolute case. What was the last thing you used scissors for? I opened a sachet of 3-in-1 coffee.

Have you ever used some kind of food as a facial mask? Nah I always just use Korean sheet masks. How many USB cords do you have lying around? I personally don’t have any but I do have a hard drive. Are you satisfied with your social life (or lack thereof)? I’m very satisfied with it and I’m glad I got to open up in college. Do you know anybody whose initials spell something? Sure. What is your favourite flavour of Kool-Aid? I’ve never had Kool-Aid. Is there a specific food you think NEEDS to be at Christmas dinner? My grandma’s steak. Would you be able to re-string a guitar? I wouldn’t even know where to buy guitar strings. What TV show do you just assume you wouldn't like? How I Met Your Mother, just because their fans love to make fun of and compare their oh-so-great show to Friends so much when I’ve never seen a single Friends fan make fun of HIMYM like ????? Why the one-sided, unsolicited hate??? I was always planning to watch the show and appreciate Friends and HIMYM at the same time but because the fans are so pathetic I just stopped wanting to watch it altogether. Do your friends have more money than you? Seems unfair to pit ourselves against one another when we’re all still depending on our parents’ money lmao. Who always has the power to make you feel intimidated? Ate Frances has always had a very strong personality. Do you have more bread or cheese in your house? Bread. What was the last movie trailer you saw? Not sure. I don’t really like trailers since most of them give away too much of the plots already. Did you purchase any meat product when you were at the store last? My dad did. Have you ever been told that you have chubby cheeks? Well I don’t, so no I’m not usually told this lol. Do you know how to properly use a saw? Nope. Isn't it a shame that what Kanye West did at the VMA's overshadowed what was supposed to be a night dedicated to Michael Jackson? Hahahaha not really, I found it hilarious and so so stupid. There were a billion other tributes to MJ that year that went smoothly so it doesn’t really matter to me if the 2009 VMAs will always be known as the Imma-let-you-finish VMAs.

#survey #surveys

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magzoso-tech · 4 years

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New Post has been published on https://magzoso.com/tech/meet-the-b2b-videoconferencing-startup-thats-gone-crazy-for-online-dating/

Meet the b2b videoconferencing startup that’s gone crazy for online dating

Founder Andreas Kröpfl has spent almost a decade hard-grafting in the b2b unified communications space, building a videoconferencing business with a patented single-stream system and a claim of no ‘drop-offs’ thanks to “unique low-bandwidth technology”.

His Austria-based startup’s current web-based videoconferencing system, eyeson (née Visocon), which launched in 2018, has had some nice traction since launch, as he tells it, garnering a few million customers and getting a nomination nod as a Gartner Cool Vendor last year.

Eyeson’s website touts ‘no hassle, no, lag, no downloads’ video calls. Pricing options for the target b2b users run the gamut from freelance pro to full-blown enterprise. While the business itself has pulled in a smidge less than $7M in investor funding over the years.

But when TechCrunch came across Kröpfl last December, pitching hard in startup alley at Disrupt Berlin, he was most keen to talk about something else entirely: Video dating.

That’s because last summer the team decided to branch out by building their own video dating app, reusing their core streaming tech for a consumer-focused social experiment. And after a period of internal beta testing — which hopefully wasn’t too awkward within a small (up-til-then) b2b-focused team — they launched an experimental dating app in November in India.

The app, called Ahoi, is now generating 100,000 video calls and 250,000 swipes per day, says Kröpfl.

This is where he breaks into a giggle. The traction has been crazy, he says.

In the staid world of business videoconferencing you can imagine eyeson’s team eyeing the booming growth of certain consumer-focused video products rather enviously.

Per Kröpfl, they had certainly noticed different desires among their existing users — which pushed them to experiment. “We saw that private people like the simple fun features (GIF reactions, …) and that business meetings were more focused on ‘drop-off’ [rates] and business features,” he tells us. “To improve both in one product was not working any more. So eyeson goes business plus SaaS.”

“Cloning eyeson but make it social,” is how he sums up the experiment.

Ahoi is very evidently an MVP at this stage. It also looks like a pretty brave and/or foolish (depending on your view) full-bore plunge into video dating, with nothing so sophisticated as a privacy screen to prevent any, er, unwanted blushes… (Whereas safety screening is an element we’ve recently seen elsewhere in the category — see: Blindlee.)

There’s also seemingly no way for users to specify the gender they wish to talk to.

Instead, Ahoi users state interests by selecting emoji stickers — such as a car, cat, tennis racket, games console or globetrotter. And, well, it goes without saying that even if you like cars a lot you’re unlikely to change your sexual orientation over the category.

There are no generic emoji that could be used to specify a sexual interest in men or women. But, er, there’s a horse…

Such limits may explain why Ahoi is generating so many early swipes — and rather fewer actual calls — in that the activity sums to (mostly) men looking for women to videochat with and being matched with, er, men.

And frustration, sexual or otherwise, probably isn’t the greatest service to try and sell.

Still, Kröpfl reckons they’ve landed on a winning formula that makes handy reuse of their core videoconferencing tech — letting them growth hack in a totally new category. Swipe right to video date.

“People are disappointed by perfect profiles on Tinder and the reality when meeting people,” he posits. “Wasted time. Especially women do not want to be stalked by men pretending to be someone else. We solve both by a real live conversation where only after a call both can decide to be connected or never see each other again.”

Notably, marketing around the app does talk rather fuzzily about it being a way to “find new pals”.

So while Kröpfl frames the experiment as dating, the reality of the product is more ‘open to options’. Think of it as a bit like Chatroulette — just with slightly more control (in that you have a few seconds to decide if you don’t want to talk to the next in-app match).

The very short countdown timer (you get just five seconds to opt out of a matched video chat) is very likely generating a fair number of unintended calls. Though such high velocity matching might appeal to a certain kind of speed dating addict.

Kröpfl says Ahoi has been seeing up to 20,000 new users added daily. They’re bullishly targeting 3M+ users this year, and already toying with ideas for turning video dates into a money spinner by offering stuff like premium subscriptions and/or video ads. He says the plan is to turn Ahoi into a business “step by step”.

“Everyone loves to make his profile better,” he suggests, floating monetization options down the line. Quality filtering for a fee is another possibility (“everyone is annoyed by being connected to the wrong people”).

They picked India for the test launch because it has a lot of people on the same timezone, a large active mobile user-base and cheap marketing is still “easily possible”. He also says that dating apps seemed popular there, in their experience. (Albeit, the team presumably didn’t have a great deal of relevant experience in this category — given Ahoi is an experiment.)

The intent is also to open Ahoi up to other markets in time too, once they get more accustomed to dealing with all the traffic. Kröpfl notes they had to briefly take the app off the store last month, as they worked on adding more server capability.

“It is very early and we were not prepared for this usage,” he says, admitting they’ve been “struggling to work on early feedbacks”. “We had to make it invisible temporarily — to improve server capacity and stability.”

The contrast in pace of uptake between the stolid (but revenue-generating) world of business meeting-fuelled videoconferencing and catnip consumer dating — which is money-sucking unless or until you can hit a critical mass of usage and get the chance to try applying monetization strategies — does sound like it’s been rather irresistible to Kröpfl.

Asked what it feels like to go from one category to the other he says “crazy, surprised and thrilling”, adding: “It is somehow also frustrating when all the intense b2b work is not as closely interesting to people as Ahoi is. But amazing that it is possible thanks to an extremely focused and experienced team. I love it.”

TechCrunch’s Manish Singh agreed to brave the local video dating app waters in India to check Ahoi out for us.

He reported back not having seen any women using the app. Which we imagine might be a problem for Ahoi’s longer term prospects — at least in that market.

“I spoke with one guy, who said his friend told him about the app. He said he joined to talk to girls but so far, he is only getting matched with boys,” said Singh. “I saw several names appear on the app, but all of them were boys, too.”

He told us he was left wondering “why people are on these apps, and why they have so much free time on a weekday”.

For ‘people’ it seems safe to conclude that most of Ahoi’s early adopters are men. As the Wall Street Journal reported back in 2018, India’s women are famously cool on dating apps — in that they’re mostly not on them. (We asked Kröpfl about Ahoi’s gender breakdown but he didn’t immediately get back to us on that.)

That market quirk means those female users who are on dating apps tend to get bombarded with messages from all the lonely heart guys with not much to swipe. Which, in turn, could make a video dating app like Ahoi an unattractive prospect to female users — if there’s any risk at all of being inundated with video chats.

And even if there are enough in-app controls to prevent unwelcome inundation by default, women also might not feel like they want their profile to be seen by scores of men simply by merit of being signed up to an app — as seems inevitable if the gender balance is so skewed.

Add to that, if the local perception among single women is that men on dating apps are generally a turn-off — because they’re too eager/forward — then jumping into any unmoderated video chat is probably not the kind of safe space these women are looking for.

No matter, Kröpfl and his team are clearly having far too much fun growth hacking in an unfamiliar, high velocity consumer category to sweat the detail.

What’s driving Ahoi’s growth right now? “Performance marketing mainly,” he says, pointing also to “viral engagement by sharing and liking profiles”.

Notably, there are a lot of reviews of Ahoi on Google Play already — an unusual amount for such an early app. Many of them appear to be five star write-ups from accounts with European-sounding names and a sometimes robotic grasp of language.

“Eventhough Ahoi has been developed recently, it had high quality for user about calling, making friends and widing your knowlegde [sic],” writes one reviewer with atrocious spelling whose account is attached to the name ‘Dustin Stephens.’

“Talking with like minded people and same favor will creat a fun and interesting atmosphere. Ahoi will manage for you to call like condition above,” says another apparently happy but not entirely clear user, going by the name ‘Elisa Herring’.

There’s also a ‘Madeleine Mcghin’, whose profile uses a photo of the similarly named child who infamously disappeared during a holiday in Portugal in 2007. “My experience with this app was awesome,” this individual writes. “It gives me the option to find new people in every country.”

Another less instantly tasteless five-star reviewer, ‘Stefania Lucchini’, leaves a more surreal form of praise. “A good app and it will bring you extra income, I would say it’s a great opportunity to have AHOI and be a part of it but it’s that it will automatically ban you even if you don’t show it. Marketing. body part, there are still 5 stars for me,” she (or, well, ‘it’) writes.

Among the plethora of dubious five-star reviews a couple of one-star dunks stand out — not least because they come from accounts with names that sound like they might actually come from India. “Waste u r time,” says one of these, who uses the name Prajal Pradhan.

This pithy drop-kick has been given a full 72 thumbs-up by other Play Store users.

#Miscellaneous

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itishypatiaofalexandria · 7 years

Text

Sometimes, for reasons unknown to you in retrospect, you pass up great books because you think that they will not interest you. When you finally stop and read them, you can only despair over what you have missed for so long.

I’m talking about Seanan McGuire’s October Daye series.

They have been sitting on the shelf at my local library for years, and I had consistently passed them up, because of a little faded sticker that reads paranormal romance. Which is not to say that romance is bad, I do read it occasionally, if I am assured that it is really good, or has some other feature that I know I will like. But as I am A) a lesbian, I tend to have less than zero interest in men who are described as devilishly handsome, or rippling muscles, ect.; and B) somewhere on the grey-ace scale, so I tend to have higher standards in romance than see them, must have them, or love triangles, or this person is attractive and rich, lets get married (I know its a fantasy, but it just doesn’t do it for me). Paranormal romance tends to be the worst of the lot, especially in the post Twilight world. So I tend to steer clear.

Then I read Every Heart a Doorway. When I say read, I mean devoured once, reread slowly again, left for a while, reread, put on my Christmas list, didn’t get it, bought it myself, and read at least two more times. If you haven’t read that book you should do so immediately. It has everything, an interesting idea, a fascinating mystery, engaging characters, and rarest of rarities in a semi-mainstream bestseller, queer characters and themes. (Also Jack. She quickly became a fictional crush for me at least.) It was all wrapped in gorgeous and heartbreakingly clear prose and style.

Anyway, that book was ridiculously good. So the other week when I saw her name on this series that I had ignored for years, I thought, yes, I trust this author. There are some authors whose books you will read even if you know nothing about them, or even if every sign points to them not being you cup of tea. People like Niel Gaiman, or Terry Pratchett, or Brandon Sanderson, or Megan Whalen Turner, or Katherine Addison, or Seanan McGuire. So I check out the first two and I definitely do not regret it.

I’m currently partway through the third book and wow does this series deliver. The main character is a half-human, half-fae woman who is a a PI for the local courts of faerie named October ‘Toby’ Daye. I knew I would like her from the moment she said that she wasn’t a lady, she was a sir (because she is a knight). The books have the same sort of fantasy noir tone to them as Jim Butcher’s Dresden books, but exquisitely done and much more cheerful. (It also feels like, just like the Dresden books, this is going to sprout a complex and well executed myth-arc any second now. I eagerly await.)

The plots are mysteries, as befits a fantasy noir setting. They are also really well done. In the first one I just have to applaud the narration, which despite being first person, made it very clear that the villain was super creepy/suspicious, even though the narrator trusted them implicitly. The second book had an excellent variation on a locked room mystery, where the murders seemed impossible by the known laws of the world, but were happening anyway. (Also, wow does that book go hard. I wasn’t expecting that high of a death count. It really wasn’t high at all numerically, but it was like the literary equivalent of a kill em all horror film.) The third book is changing the formula, where we know who the kidnapper is, its rescuing the kidnappees that is the problem.

Worldbuilding is starting out good, with clear signs that it will only improve. It is clearly based mostly on Celtic mythology, with Sidhe and selkies and the Wild Hunt, as well as Oberon, Maeve, and Titania (by the way, even time it is mentioned that they are missing, my myth arc senses tingle). McGuire easily fills in plot holes, using things like glamour and the nightgasts to explain how a society of non-humans hide. She also doesn’t limit herself to European Mythology either. There have been several kitsune characters, and mentions of Djinn and Peri, which makes the setting much more diverse and realistic. I really enjoy the weird streak of practicality, like mostly nocturnal fae working at twentyfour hour grocery stores, and cell phones that don’t work in deep faerie unless you get a dwarf to magically fiddle with it, or shapeshifters needing to raid goodwill for clothes that will fit their new form.

Characters are many and varied. There are a lot of excellent characters, and many of them are introduced quickly and concisely, so that you really get a feel for what they are like from a single scene. SO many of them are recurring. It gives a real feeling of weight to them, to know that this knight will still be upright and honorable (Sir Etienne-very little screen time so far, but checks so many of my boxes. Also, Toby doesn’t like him. I really hope he comes into focus in a future book, I need to know more about him so that he can become a favorite character.) and this undine will still offer healing and sanctuary (Lily of the tea gardens, who has healed Toby many times so far. You get the feeling that they go way back. I am so not here for the blatant foreshadowing that she doesn’t have the power to protect Toby from anything powerful, because you just know that she would try.). Also, there is the way that previously minor characters come into focus and are more important in different books, like Quentin, who had two minor scenes in the first book, but was one of the most important characters in the second.

I’ve compared these books to the Dresden Files, so I feel like I should say at least one thing that these books are doing a hundred times better. The women are so much better written. There are so many of them, with different personalities and priorities, from Lily, guardian healer spirit; to January, mother and scientist; to Dare, a kid who is in a bad situation and wants to get out; to the extremely dangerous Luidaeg, who is older then all the other immortals, and lonely; and many, many more. It’s amazing. Every book passes the Bechdel test easily.

Finally the romance. Three books in and I’m still not sure why that sticker was on these books. There really hasn’t been much of a romance subplot. When the character of Connor was introduced I thought here we go, but the books are nicely subverting my dread. Connor seemed at first glance to be the stereotypical nice guy/childhood friend/Betty (though not really a “Nice Guy”, thank you Seanan McGuire) of the common love triangle, but it is much more complicated than that. He’s actually an ex of Toby’s and their past relationship didn’t work out, and is now unhappily married. Although he seems interested in rekindling his relationship with Toby, she is much more practical, denying him off the bat. She is very conscious of the way it didn’t work in the past, and of her honor, which I really appreciate. The Veronica of our tale seems to be recurring character Tybalt, but so far (two and a half books in) Toby doesn’t seem to realize it. My grey-ace self is really enjoying this, because the romance is being played so, so subtle. From assuming that Tybalt didn’t like her when he was obviously flirting with her, to very casual displays of trust, to him obviously worrying about her being in dangerous situations, to her wondering where he is when he doesn’t show up to bother her. Three books in and Toby has only now admitted to herself that they are sort of friends. It’s slow and very well done, and like I said before, not really important. The romance plot takes up less than 5% of the action, which is an excellent ratio.

As you can probably tell, the Dresden Files are one of my favorite series. These books feel like someone asked me what my favorite aspects of that series are, and what disappointed me, and then tailor made these books for me, personally. I am enjoying them wholeheartedly, and cannot wait to read the rest.

#book reviews #October Daye #Seanan McGuire

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sheminecrafts · 4 years