#who knows maybe i'll live past graduation and i can continue my art as usual | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kygo-keigo · 4 years

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• MDZS ONESHOT FANFICTION • MODERN X ANCIENT AU •

Two worlds apart, Xiao Zhan meets a mysterious man in his dream, Lan Wanji. Who is this man wearing an ancient costume?

Two worlds apart, Lan Wanji saw Wei Wuxian inside of a bizarre man's clothing. Is it Wei Ying? Why does he look exactly like Wei Ying?

Two souls separated from different eras, bonded by unknown incense burner.

Art by: 陆离-popo

https://m.weibo.cn/u/1974871217?uid=1974871217&luicode=10000011&lfid=1076037266317551

for wattpad link, visit: https://my.w.tt/qs7X83uah8

•••

Inside the Cloud Recess Pavilion, disciples of Gusu Lan Sect often hear Lan Wanji's inquiry. It is like a morning ritual for Lan Wanji to play his guqin, every day for 10 years, without skipping any day. Many of the disciples know the notes he's playing. It is a solemn melody full of agony and longingness. In Gusu Lan Sect, it is forbidden to talk about the person behind their back. But it is rumored that song is dedicated to his long lost lover. As to know whether it is true or not, no one dares to ask.

Today is a different day. It is Wei Wuxian's birthday. Lan Wangji places his guqin on the table and stares outside the window. It is autumn now, the Ginko trees outside fills the whole pathway with its yellow leaves. He strums the strings on his hands and plays the tune he composed years ago. When the one who heard it was still here, beside him in the cold and desolate cave, asking what's the title of the song.

Wangxian, he said. But that person can no longer hear it.

Lan Wangji turns his head up in the sky as he plucks the chords out of his guqin. Begging the heavens to answer his most ardent prayer.

"Wei Ying, where are you?"

Lan Sizhui turns his head towards the melody he's hearing. Although it is faintly heard, he notices a different melody from what Lan Wangji usually plays.

"Jingyi, have you heard that melody? It is different from what Hanguang-jun usually plays."

Lan Jingyi shook his head. He's struggling to reply as the long tips of his headband were on his lips while doing a handstand, copying all of the sect rules. "Focus on your work and stop distracting me. If we are caught loafing around, we won't be able to have our dinner."

---

"Zhanzhan, are you dizzy again?"

Xiao Zhan turned his head and shook it. "Just a simple headache." Xiao Zhan presses his temples and massage in between his eyebrows. He shakes his head the continues to rummage inside the garage sale.

Mei Hui grabs an incense burner and places it on top of the table. "I'll give this to you, you just need to buy some calming oil and place it inside. It will help you with your headache."

It is an old ceramic incense burner with intricate design holes where the smoke goes out. Using the tip of his finger, he touches the incense burner, he felt the electricity flow on his fingers and immediately remove his finger away.

Mei Hui laughs, "It has not been used for a while, why do you react as if you're scalded?" She immediately stuffs the incense burner in a paper bag and shoves it to Xiao Zhan. "Use it well."

It's almost midnight when Xiao Zhan finished his portfolio. He's a dedicated and hard-working student. It is his last semester in university, so he just needs to endure countless sleepless nights before he graduates. That's why he often caught a headache because of a lack of sleep.

He stretches his whole body to ease those tensed muscles from prolonged sitting, suddenly caught a glimpse of an incense burner from earlier. He already bought a lavender-scented incense oil to help him sleep tonight. It doesn't matter if he wakes up late tomorrow since it is the weekend.

After he lits up the incense burner, Xiao Zhan finally rewarded himself under the quilt as he snuggles his body into the soft mattress under him, ready to meet his deep slumber.

Bright noonday welcomes Xiao Zhan in his dream while walking in a pathway covered with yellow leaves. Although the sun is on its peak, he didn't feel any heat in the air. A sense of familiarity envelopes his body as he takes long strides in this place. Maybe he's already been here before?

At the end of the path, there is a small hut located in the middle. There is a man inside the hut, wearing a long white dress with clouds design on his lapels, a white headband on his forehead, and a guqin on his lap. Xiao Zhan feels like he's on an ancient drama, Who is this man wearing an ancient costume?

As soon as Lan Wanji sets his gaze on the man under the tree, his heart skips a beat.

Lan Wangji knows deep in his heart that this man is certainly Wei Wuxian. He exactly looks like Wei Wuxian, but his hair is short and wears bizarre clothes that he never saw in his life. Is it Wei Ying? Why does he look exactly like Wei Ying? His heart starts to waver, but it didn't stop him from going outside of the hut.

"Wei Ying?"

When Lan Wanji was a meter close to Wei Wuxian, he disappeared. A glimpse of Wei Wuxian vanished in thin air, all of a sudden Wangji wakes up from the dream. Tears start to fall from his eyes when he opened his eyes.

Xiao Zhan fell from his bed and wakes up. He turns his face to the large mirror in front of him, and tears start to roll down from his face. He didn't know why he is crying, maybe he dreamt of something sad but he can no longer remember.

—-

After that hellish exam, Xiao Zhan finally can rest peacefully on his bed. Just as he walks out, Mei Hui invites him for a couple of drinks with their friends as they successfully finished their final exams. Just a couple of requirements to make and they will graduate a few months from now. Although Xiao Zhan doesn't like to socialize, he agreed. He didn't know why but he's in a good mood and a couple of drinks won't be a bad idea.

They enjoy good hotpot meat and a couple of drinks. This place is full of students that also came from finishing their exams. From different departments, although they did not know each other, as they sang their alma mater's hymn, they unite as one. Some cried and some drank as they sang their final song. Eventually, someone plays a graduation song and everyone must state their name, age, and department after that take a one-shot of alcohol. They can also add witty remarks if they want to.

All of the students are on their high spirits with an alcohol-induced body, so everyone is willing to do this nonsense.

After their friends and Mei Hui introduced themselves, it is now Xiao Zhan's turn. Xiao Zhan is a bit tipsy now but can manage to stand up. "Hello everyone, my name is Xiao Zhan, 24 years old, from the modern international art design department. For the future of Chongqing university, Gānbēi!"

Everyone also raised their cups and drink. Xiao Zhan slightly slipped from the corner of his chair. Luckily, someone grabs his arms to find his balance.

"Thank you," Xiao Zhan didn't shot a glance at the person as he drops his head on the table. That last shot knocked him out.

He didn't know how he managed to go back to his bed. Xiao Zhan can hear Mei Hui's voice and some strange yet familiar voice of a man. He tries to open his eyes, but all he can see is their shadow. The last thing he saw is Mei Hui putting something on his incense burner then he passed out.

---

Lan Wanji strums his guqin inside the hut. He solemnly plays the notes while picturing Wei Wuxian in his mind.

Once again, Xiao Zhan goes back to the last scene on his dream, but this time he heard an ancient guqin plays. Like he was calling from the past. He followed the sound until he saw that man again playing his guqin while softly whispered the word, Wei Ying.

"Wei Ying?"

Lan Wangji suddenly stops playing. When he opened his eyes, he saw that bizarre man that looks like Wei Wuxian.

"Wei Ying!" Lan Wanji immediately stands up and reached his hand to the man.

Xiao Zhan panicked and raised his two hands, "So... Sorry. I.. I am not Wei Ying."

Lan Wangji stepped back.

"I'm afraid you recognized the wrong person."

Lan Wanji's eyebrows furrowed. He hides his face from the man with his hand, I am wrong.

Xiao Zhan saw the man's sorrowful face, he felt guilty. "That person... I mean Wei Ying, is he your friend?"

Lan Wanji pressed this thin lips, "He is..."

Lan Wanji didn't finish his sentence when Xiao Zhan interrupts him, "Oh, you also have that incense burner?"

Lan Wanji picks up the incense burner, "You also have the same kind?"

Xiao Zhan nods.

Now Lan Wanji finally understands the situation, "The incense burner brought you into my dreams, I was calling for his spirit and you came here. You don't belong in this world, that's why I don't recognize your clothing."

Xiao Zhan quickly lift the hem of his clothes, "In your dream? Is it kind of magic?"

Lan Wanji slightly smiles. He explained that incense burner they both use is an ancient treasure, maybe it was passed down for generations. Lan Wanji didn't know it is capable of meeting two souls from a different era, until now. What bothers him is that he met Wei Wuxian from the other world, is it really him or not?.

Lan Wangji, "What's your name?"

Xiao Zhan, "My name is Xiao Zhan, you?"

"Lan Zhan." Lan Wanji didn't know why he easily gave his birth name.

Xiao Zhan chuckled, "Lan Zhan? I'm Xiao Zhan, we're both Zhanzhan."

Lan Zhan saw Xiao Zhan's bright smile. In a split second, he looked like Wei Wuxian from where they were young. His sweet smile that can brighten up any gloomy day. A smile that completely conquered his heart. They stayed there for a couple of hours, asking about their world, how people live from Wanji's time, how different is Xiao Zhan's generation.

"Lan Zhan."

Lan Wangji's heart pounded so hard when he hears his name.

Xiao Zhan, "I'm glad to see you. Even if it's a dream, I can feel we're both knew each other. The next time we see each other, teach me how to play that some from earlier."

Lan Wanji, "Mn."

Xiao Zhan, "See you in my dreams."

---

It continues for three weeks. Xiao Zhan always meets Lan Wangji on his dream. He learned that Lan Zhan's real name is Lan Wanji. That he's a cultivator in Gusu Lan Sect and people call him Hanguang-jun. He also has a brother that looks like him. He also learned about Wei Ying called Wei Wuxian by his real name. Also a cultivator like him.

Even if there are so many things to comply with their graduation, Xiao Zhan manages to sleep whenever he can. That's why among their group, he's the only one who looks fresh while everyone carries a black bag underneath their eyes.

Mei Hui, on the other hand, noticed something unusual from Xiao Zhan. Unlike last month which he really looked like a dead fish, now he looks vibrant even his skin looks plumper than hers. Envy rose from her, he never saw Xiao Zhan this happy before. From the looks of it, people might see it as the excitement from the graduation, but in her eyes, it feels like he's in love.

Mei Hui, "Zhanzhan, you look so happy these past few days. Are you dating someone?"

Suddenly, Lan Wanji's face crossed his mind. Xiao Zhan slightly smiles in a fraction of second, but it did not escape from Mei Hui's eyes.

"Nope, I don't have time to date someone, " Xiao Zhan nonchalantly said.

Mei Hui didn't bother to dig deeper from his personal life and focused on other things. She just silently wished that when one day, when she falls for the other person too, she'll glow brighter too just like him.

Each day they're getting closer to his graduation, each day Xiao Zhan almost perfected Lan Wanji's melody score using a flute. Though he only plays on his dream, Xiao Zhan silently wished he could play it in real life too. So the next day, Xiao Zhan bought a Dizi (Chinese Flute) from a shop referred by Mei Hui. He wants to test his conjecture to play the flute just like what he plays in his dream. Although it wasn't as good as what he did on his dream, he's still happy that he remembered all of the notes.

Xiao Zhan wants to play the melody after his graduation.

—--

Lan Wanji waits for Xiao Zhan to appear in his dream. He noticed a man wearing a black coat and a hat. That man walks towards him while waving his hand. His heart nearly escapes from his chest. It is pounding so loud and hurts each time it pumps blood. He didn't know if he was hallucinating as he saw Wei Wuxian in front of him.

"Lan Zhan!"

Wei Wuxian smiled at him and began to press his mouth towards the flute that almost looks like Chengqing and plays Wangxian. Lan Wangji's world stopped right in front of him. His eyes only glare at the man in front of him. Maybe he's delusional but if he can only wish to live inside his dream, he's willing to give up everything just to be with him. Only with him.

"Lan Zhan, what is the name of the song?" Wei Wuxian asked.

Now, Lan Wanji can say the words that he wanted to say a long time ago, "Wangxian."

"Wangxian..."

Lan Wanji noticed some changes from Wei Wuxian's face and quickly turn his body away from him. He grabs his shoulder only to see Xiao Zhan's bloodshot eyes. Lan Wanji quickly retracts his hand that was resting on Xiao Zhan's shoulder. He just imagines him as Wei Wuxian.

Xiao Zhan, who wears graduation clothes just to play the melody he's been practicing for weeks in front of Lan Wangji as a surprise was defeated by Lan Wanji's past lover. He never knew that the song was named after their combined name.

He silently clenches his flute as he speaks, "Is this song... For that person, you called Wei Ying?"

"Yes."

"But you've been waiting for him for 13 years now. How can you sure you'll find him again?"

"I don't know."

Xiao Zhan swallowed the invisible lump he feels on his throat. He quickly suppresses his sour feeling and said, "Lan Zhan, I... I like you."

Lan Wangji remained stoic. He takes 3 steps away from Xiao Zhan and looks into the sky and closes his eyes. Xiao Zhan's personality is somehow the same as Wei Wuxian, but Xiao Zhan isn't Wei Wuxian.

"I've been waiting for him for more than a decade now, how much more if I wait another year for him?"

Xiao Zhan just received an indirect rejection from Lan Wanji's rhetorical question. He silently accepts it as he twists his feet against the ground.

"What you are wearing?"

"Oh this, I just graduated from the University."

Lan Wangji pats his head, "Congratulations."

Xiao Zhan paid him with a smile too, "I wished to receive that same kind of love like you have for Wei Wuxian."

Xiao Zhan, "I don't want anyone if it's not you."

Lan Zhan, "You're still young Xiao Zhan. I can't accompany you in your world nor you can in my world. I have my life in Cloud Recess, you also have your life in your world. Maybe he's waiting for me somewhere in the underworld and there are people waiting for you there. We can only move forward with our life. We can't be stuck in a dream no matter how much we wanted to. So this will be the last time we'll see each other."

Xiao Zhan finally broke down, tears came falling down from his face as his body slowly fades away.

Xiao Zhan, "I'll never get to see you again?"

Lan Wanji, "If you're Wei Wuxian's spirit from another world, maybe you'll meet me there too if fate allows."

After that, there is only an empty dream.

Maybe Lan Wangji was right, or maybe he's not. Maybe he is Wei Wuxian in his past life, or maybe not. In any case, whether he hopes for another Lan Wanji in his world or not, if fate allows it will happen.

Three years had passed, Xiao Zhan never saw Lan Wangji again. Being consumed by his work, he no longer thinks about him. After his encounter with the incense burner, he never used it again. He sometimes dreams about Lan Wangji until he can no longer remember his face. He even dreamt of himself wearing wuxia clothes but never really know what he did there.

One thing is for certain, he still plays Wangxian.

Xiao Zhan fiddled the flute in his hand, smiling at the thought of that dream under the ginkgo tree. That yellow leaves that are slowly covered the road. He didn't know why but he felt like playing the song in his flute.

As he blows his breath, the melody starts to play.

Whether if it's 16 years or hundred years, Lan Wangji still waits for Wei Wuxian. Until the day comes when he hears Wangxian in the air. It is played roughly but he can still recognize the notes. He quickly followed the melody and saw a ridiculous man playing his bamboo flute with makeup on his face. Now he certainly knows, he came back.

He grabs that man's wrist and stares directly at him.

Wei Ying, you came back. It is you. I found you.

Xiao Zhan stops playing his flute when he notices a man in front of him calling out his name, who looks exactly like a man he's familiar with.

'Maybe you'll meet me there too if fate allows.'

It is no longer a maybe. Lan Zhan, I found you.

"You're Xiao Zhan, right?"

"Yes, I am. And you are?"

"Wang Yibo..."

Whether in this life or your life, we are destined to belong to each other no matter where we are.

•••

NaverGirl

#oneshot #wangxian #yizhan #mxtx novels #mxtx fanfic #mdzs fic #mdzs au #pastxfuture #wattpad

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thisnerdsadventures · 3 years

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a 2021 update

Ah, so I have forgotten to update in a million years, per usual

~ Random thought section ~

I woke up this morning and read this tweet thread about Alice Wu's director's note for her movie The Half of It. It's streaming on Netflix, and I highly encourage to go watch it, it's probably one of my favorite movies from the past few years. Anyways, she talks about how she produced the film while digesting the heartbreak of a friendship breakup - the whole thread hit me on a different level, but here's a quote that really hit home for me, especially a month from graduation: "The end of the film is each of their beginnings. And for my characters, I can think of no happier ending." We spend a lot of time worrying about the end of things and the uncertainty of things to come. Yet, there was a time where we worried about the exact same things for the very chapter we are now so nervous about leaving.

1. I'm nervous about leaving school and starting the..... rest of my life???

2. I'm nervous that my friends will slowly fade away. I'm nervous that they'll get on with their lives and I'll be slowly still trying to get my bearings, stuck in limbo.

3. I'm nervous that starting adulthood will be difficult because there are no more college orientations, no more awkward freshman dinners, perfect opportunities to meet new friends who are just as nervous as you are.

In writing this out, I felt a sense of deja-vu, like I had written these words before. So I just looked back at some of my posts right before entering college, and lo and behold:

08-18-2016: Today I said goodbye to one of my closer friends, and i realized that without even knowing it, Sunday’s party was the last time I would see some of my closest friends. It’s awful that way, that you don’t even know it’s the last time until it’s passed, and you’re left to pick up the the end of a chapter of a relationship from the scraps of an unexpected and improper farewell.

I feel like I’m in a weird twilight zone between college and high school where my present friends are all beginning to fade away to move on in their lives, and I’m yet to really meet anyone in my class yet, so at the moment,,,,,,there really isn’t anyone.

I wrote this less than a week from moving to Boston, and it's so shocking to me that I also experienced the "unexpected and improper farewell" part in senior year. It's almost the exact same thing that happened in COVID and is continuing to happen. You never know when the last time you might see someone might be, except instead of consolidated over the course of one pre-college summer, it's over the course of more than a year, the time that this pandemic has been going for.

And I hate that I said the "fade away and move on" thing verbatim, literally nearly five years ago. To be honest though, it's true, a lot of them did fade away and move on. But so did I, I wasn't left behind. To some extent, I was the one who did a lot of the moving away. And like many things in life, a couple of us continue to hang around, and maybe our friendships cycled in and out over college, but have come around again after a few years. I guess those are the ones that you know will stick around. The limbo period between chapters is a hard one, and it's nice to know that present-day me isn't the only one who has felt this. It's nice to know that past me met so many incredible people so fast, that I forgot this limbo period happened.

I know this part is getting a little long, but there's just a couple more snippets I want to share:

08-13-2016: I recently read Marina Keegan’s essay The Opposite of Loneliness, and one line resonated with me a lot: We’re so young. It seems silly and almost pretentious for me to think that this party would be so final, and yet it does, even though we have decades upon decades to build and connect or reconnect.

We’re so young, but that doesn’t stop the understanding that we are going to a new chapter in our lives and that it’s going to redefine our relationships. I hope it doesn’t change them too much.

I suppose much of the anxiety of going to college results from having to build my own community from the ground up again.... I tell myself the pieces will fall together and everything will be ok, but it doesn’t stop the increasing anxiety from, well, increasing.

I loved this collection of essays, if you haven't read it, I recommend you do. In moving around for so many years, I haven't been able to keep a lot of books in my possession, but I kept this one because that essay really hit home for me, and continues to, no matter what part of life I'm currently experiencing.

I think moving to college did change my relationships. But change is not a bad thing - your childhood friendships, the few of them that survive, end up strengthening and growing into adult friendships. And in the end, isn't that better than not changing at all? I'm hoping that a few of my college friendships will do that too - we'll go from college friends to family friends, and my kids will call them "Aunt" and "Uncle" and they'll grow up watching their parents talk for hours in the front yard before finally getting in the car and leaving for home.

08-13-2016: But hey, this is part of what I signed up for, I knew I wasn’t going to have much of an initial safety net, but I’m sure I’ll survive. We, as humans, always find a way to adapt right?

I think I survived and adapted. Not in the way I saw things going, but we can never really fully predict things, can we? One day, I'll learn to give myself a safety net for the next chapter, I'm sure. Today's not that day though.

Going back to her director's note, there was one more thing that just struck an emotional chord for me:

Fun fact, Alice Wu actually went to MIT for a bit before transferring to Stanford, and then she became a software engineer at Microsoft! I relate a little too much to her. Maybe one day I too will dump coding for my art form. But for now, in this above example, I relate far too much. I worked on my album, Imperfect, a little too obsessively this past winter while trying to digest the throes of heartbreak from one of my own friendships that ended. I still don't know if there was an ending for that friendship. I think I've spent a lot of time trying to put off the end, like a TV series that just keeps adding more and more seasons. Regardless of whether it needs to end or not (which I have not decided and will continue not to do so), I spent a lot of time thinking about who I was before and after that friendship, and I've concluded that a lot of who I am now, what my life looks like now is a result of that friendship. I'll give you a hint: I really like who I am now, compared to who I was before, and it showed me a lot of parts of life and friendship that I never expected would happen. That friendship was (is?) one of the most beautiful things that has happened to me in my life.

Let's finish off this reflective post with a quote from Khalil Gibran, that's kinda related to that point about how transformative the past can be, and how we're far better off in future chapters of our lives because of it.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

Again, if you haven't read his collection of poems, you should absolutely 100% drop whatever you're doing right now and do so! Wow, I really just assigned an entire reading list in this post.

I hope in making this movie, Alice found peace. I would hesitate to say that I found peace when making my album. I wrote a lot of songs about the heartbreak I felt from that whole experience. But the last song I wrote, "Best Friends," ends the whole thing on a positive note, that at the end of the day, I remember how my friends (past and present) literally saved my life and how things are looking a little better, and whatever happens, I hope my best friends will be there waiting for me, whoever they end up being.

- OK I PROMISE I DIDN'T SET OUT TO BE 100% SO EMO -

But yeah, I haven't really been doing much otherwise? I guess just tryna stay alive, I've been cooking a lot and cooking a lot of good good food, I did apply to an MBA program, I got my COVID vaccine (second shot this week!), I am excited to announce I am publishing a paper in my MEng lab, which is a really big accomplishment imo, I am thriving in my (1) econ class that I kept, even though I didn't realize we had readings assigned like for the past month, I went to try pastries from this Turkish bakery, I biked, probably, 15 miles over the past month, I've read at least 4 or 5 books this year so far, and am hoping to knock another one out today. Currently dying because trying to finish my thesis in like . a week, which is looking a little challenging, but I'm sure it'll happen!!!??

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