#why am i suddenly anxious!

[borderlinebelle]

Hi.

This is heaven.

About to start my 2nd class 🥹

I am proud of me.

Streaming tonight 🖤🥹

Favorite meeee.

#new year same me #tumblr streaming #live streaming #hot yoga #why am I suddenly anxious! #anxiety #nervous #okay bye

[bylertruther]

...

#i think.... i am getting.... performance anxiety when it comes to writing omg..... #i opened a google doc to jot down some ideas that have been floating around in my head lately #and i suddenly got very anxious? girl what da hell................. #@brain can we not do this................. can we PLEASE not do this can we PLEASEEEEEEE NOT DO THIS..... #it even goes for my personal writing not just fandom stuff which is so SILLY bc LITERALLY WHY AM I ANXIOUS #ONLY ONE OTHER PERSON IS GONNA SEE THAT WRITING AND THEY'RE MY BUDDY.... SO WHY THE ANXIETY? #i hate it here. 😠 #ennyways.......... if anyone has ever related...... and has any tips...... shakes my can at u

[jorvikzelda]

Somehow despite fully optimal conditions having the worst day of my entire life

#To be fair the conditions may not have been fully optimal but there is no reason for Everything to be This Horrible #I’m not even in a particularly horrid headspace! like in fact! probably better than usual!!!!!!!! #which is why this is fucking MADDENING #what do you MEAN my brain is turning on me. what do you MEAN everything has to be bad and horrible suddenly. #Fully internally. Everything is great and fine and I am not even that anxious #It is simply Bad In the World For Me Today #z talks #not horse game #look I don’t want to put words on things I shouldn’t put words on and call it sensory issues #but last time I was like ‘I don’t want to put words on things I think I’m experiencing’ #a mental health professional was like oh you have THAT thing. you got it SO bad. so like……. #anyway give me One reason to not fucking GO HOME #(the reason is I will not get Shit done today if I do) #(but also I am GOING TO CRY i hate it here)

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y

[cookies-over-yonder]

cookies sad hour whining hour ignore me (<- actually loves attention)

#i'm sad because i wish people would message me first more #i'm always the person who messages first #but when other people send me messages it makes me feel like oh you actually like talking to me and wanted to reach out and talk to me and #are giving me attention without me messaging first #i am a person who needs a lot of attention #and i don't mind asking for it bc i'm the kind of person who says what i want and need #but i get really sad at it sometimes because #when i'm feeling depressed or anxious then i isolate myself and if other people were to reach out to me first more then it would be less #likely to happen #like i even just want people to check in on me every now and then. ask me how i'm feeling if i've mentioned going through a depressive #episode #or whatever mental troubles #idk why i'm feeling so emotional about this suddenly #like i don't mind messaging people first but i guess when it comes to me struggling badly then i WISH people would message me to ask me #how i'm doing #@ all my friends reading this i am not upset at anyone at all btw i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert #almost no one messages me first which is whatever cuz i'm chatty and used to initiating conversations but i guess it also makes me sad #i dont ask people to because i'm not about to force people to be doing something that is uncomfortable for them #i do ask people to check in on me though if they know i'm having an episode #idk if it rly happens though #i just sometimes fear that if i stopped pulling my weight in relationships due to a mental health crisis that all of my friendships will di #because i'm the one who initiates everything #again i'm not upset at anyone i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert #vent #you can heart this or reply or whatever idc but rbs are off for obvious reasons

[corntort]

EROTO FUCKING MANIA ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

#I THOUGHT I WAS RID OF YOU YOU SLY BITCH! #rambles #ive been asking myself for WEEKS why am i so anxious talking to people suddenly. #well not. Suddenly just significantly moreso #EROTOMANIC DELUSION. FUCK #i get it now. AND NOW WE MITIGATE IT

[angeltism]

6min til i risk my life walking somewhere in an area i'm nawt v familiar with . pray for me guys

#➳ the fool speaks #if a car suddenly appears out of nowhere and flattens me like a pancake #ya'll better mourn me ok !!!!! #damn why am i so convinced i'm gonna die T_T #i won't ! probably #just anxious ig :P #i'm more likely to just get Super Fucking Lost

[blueberryratz]

boooo my social anxiety is returning

#🦈 #me walking thru campus like why am i suddenly struggling to breathe and feeling extremely anxious . weird

[astrxealis]

sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself? #and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways #humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good #and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up #leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that #me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies #pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm #yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice #and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since #christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??) #OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure #which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata #and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing #ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that #im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk #and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my #personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol) #but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am #and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS #anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends #as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho #that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so #sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like #we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids #but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone #who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways #OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

Oh ffs not now why now

#meows #I woke up from my nap and #now I’m struggling to speak #of all fucking times I can’t just not speak #I think Ik the cause at least #since I’m mostly moved out my parents #have begun moving some attic stuff into my room #and so my stuff is not where it’s supposed to be #and when I woke up my hair was a mess and I #wanted to brush it #but my pink basket was suddenly missing #cue the anxious and upset stimming #throat closed up can barely get more than a couple #of words out #jfc not now my f*thers #like a cat on a hot tin roof I can’t just not talk #why is it that every time a new [redacted] comes out #my life falls in line w it? it’s uncanny really #well maybe not exact I mean here I am writing right

[b-rainlet]

Absolutely hate having to explain things to people

#Especially if it's like...obvious things #Like my cousin asked me why peta is bad #And on one hand sure asking for info is always good #But on the other I am HORRIBLE at explaining things without making it sound like I'm 100% just making things up #With no back up whatsoever #On the other YOUR PHONE IS RIGHT THERE #Also it makes me second guess myself so much #I was immediately like: Maybe I was wrong? #It's fucking PETA #How could I second-guess myself? #That's like somebody asking why autism speaks is shitty or chick-fil-a #And me suddenly going are they ACTUALLY bad? YES #YES THEY ARE BRAIN STOP BEING SO ANXIOUS ABOUT HAVING OPINIONS

[kavehater]

AURGHH I KEEP FLASHBACKING TO THE AWKWARD SITUATION TODAY

#it feels unreal #gonna cry #I wish guys didn’t exist !!! that way I wouldn’t be so awkward around them !!!! #like it’s so mean to expect me to suddenly be okay with interacting with them when I’ve been shut out from them for most of my development #years #its like so unhealthy 🧍‍♀️ #anyways I already have a tough time talking when I’m in a mildly stressful situation but … #like my words always get stuck in my throat / I just mumble random nonesense / I don’t know how to articulate my thoughts / stammering #I’m a rlly anxious person and it’s rlly debilitating 🧎‍♀️ #who ever thinks stammering is cute can respectfully … idk IM JUST LIKE 😭😭😭 how’s stammering cute I am stressed beyond belief !!! #I hate socialisation #anyways ughhh that was so embarrassing pls like now I think I made him feel bad about himself … #I didn’t mean to I swear I would never 😭 he just misunderstood me is all 😭 #Muslim Girls CANT TOUCH ANY GUY INCLUDING HANDSHAKES FISTBUMPS ETC #pls … why are guys trying to fist bump me I am not a bro 😔 #I Ran out of the lab basically #my mum when I told her the story she was sympathising w him more than me and said I should get over it !!!! #girl … I cannot stand men … even the normal ones creep me out to some extent #I’ve been shut out from them for centuries everyone wants a token goody two shoes good girl #who doesn’t talk to boys until she’s thrust into said mixed environment and is expected to deal with it how about no … #dora daily #yeah I dislike every male idk they make me feel weird ? it’s hard to explain 😭 #it wouldn’t be that deep if everyone didn’t slaughter malala for the handshake UGHHH ID RATHER JUST SHAKE HIS HAND WHY IS THIS AN ISSUE #like on one hand I could’ve said hey I’m not allowed in my religion but doesn’t that just sound like rlly bad ? #the only thing I managed to tell him was after I stared at him like a deer in headlights was “uh …. I … can’t” #and he was like wdym you can’t LIKE LOOKING UPSET 😭 #I DONT DO WELL WITH MAKING PPL UPSET IM SOBBING #I hope he didn’t take it personally it’s just 😭😭😭 #anyways time to shut up !!!

[painted--constellations]

did sw for so long and now the though of it is making me nauseous fuck lol

#immensely ready to leave it #but letting go of my clients is gonna suck #and the anxiety of it following me will likely never die #but god. #i am so tired of my body not being mine. #i have let people use me for too fucking long i am so tired of it #i just want to. disappear. never be found. #but i know that would just make people worry instead of just ending it you know? #it sucks. #i spent like. a year just shitposting and venting and trauma dumping at these people and now i just want to never speak to them again. #it isn’t even about them. i have just. suddenly and drastically changed as a person #but also i cannot fucking stand interacting sexually with anyone who isn’t my husband anymore. #i think i was just. disassociating my way through it before. because now that i am like. alive and here. FUCK THAT SO BAD DUDE WHAT???? #i just let men objectify and use me for a year and a half!!! why!!!!!! i let so many people over step my boundaries!!!!!!!! what the FUCK!! #i am exhausted #i am anxious #i am stuck in paralysis #i know what i want but i don’t know what to do and i don’t know why i feel like i need to take action #like i am on break rn it is not that deep #i also don’t fucking owe anyone an explanation!!! i am autonomous!! fuck!!!!!!!

[spidersunday]

i was like "you guys should be grateful that someone likes your posts that much!!!!!!!!" until this person on twt started liking literally EVERY thing i've posted in the past week or so

#severin.txt #i didn't follow her back because she doesn't post anything #it makes me feel kinda awkward and i'm like 60% certain she was the one that asked if i had a girlfriend on curiouscat #it's not necessarily bad it just irritates me at worst #why am i even annoyed like actually #idk it feels weird being ignored for a long time #and then suddenly getting a lot of attention on twt and tumblr #like i gained about 40 more followers on both sites it makes me sorta anxious i guess

[worstlovesong]

Standing in the kitchen aggressively flappy hands stimming while listening to triple dog dare on repeat to keep myself from having a meltdown while I cook supper

#me: why do I have anxious tummy suddenly? why am I overstimulated? why am I angry #girl you’re starving! #help meeee #I’m just a dog with autism fr #asd #cj.txt

[timetravelingmilkshake]

Me: I will not steal grief from the future, I will not suffer anticipatory grief about someone who is still alive and entirely themself, I will not mourn someone who is still here

Also me: *lays in bed for hours wondering how I would ever be okay if something happened to her when I really should be asleep because I work nights tonight*

#personal #like very personal #did you know suddenly and unexpectedly losing a friend at a tragically young age makes you a little insane about the illnesses of others #and it makes things that used to be easy very very hard #i literally got my 'they arent texting back because theyre dead' irrational anxious thoughts validated and it on and off ruins me #hence why i am. posting on tumblr. because i spent all night talking to my friends and i dont wanna bother them again