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babyboibucky · 3 years

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Should’ve Known Better

Pairing: EB!Frank x Reader

Summary: You should have known better than to sleep with a friend.

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: Smut, FWB set-up, a little bit of toxic shit, angst

A/N: Frank got the most votes when I asked which other Seb character I should write for, so here it is! This is very personal to me lmfao it’s somewhat based on my own experience that really fucked me up a couple of years ago aksncajscna no but for real, stay away from the friends with benefits kind of relationship if you can��t keep shit purely sexual lmao also some guys are just fucking assholes even if they’re your friend lol

ALSO, I tagged those who are in my Everything Bucky Tag List. I’m not sure if I’ll write more Frank in the future too so I won’t be creating a separate tag list for him yet.

MAIN MASTERLIST

"Do you love me?"

It was a simple question that was supposed to make you think. Given your experiences and your personality in general, you were supposed to cringe and ignore it. Maybe even make a joke out of it, especially that it was Frank who was asking you this question.

He wasn't supposed to ask it too. He wasn't one to ask such thing, not especially with the relationship that the both of you have. It was clear from the get go that this was nothing serious.

So why was he asking it now?

And why did you respond to it right away, as if you knew your answer even before he asked?

"Come on, it'll be fun."

You should've said no. You should have known better.

"I'll make you feel good, you won't regret this."

It did feel good, you were going to give Frank that. Possibly the best, even. But the latter part? You weren't so sure. Were you regretting it? Honestly, no.

Maybe not yet.

You'd rather not think about it for now.

"What's there to lose? We know each other too much to develop feelings anyway, you said so yourself."

Oh there's plenty to lose. Maybe a decade's worth of platonic (was it really platonic from the beginning though?) friendship. Your self-esteem was on the line too, but you didn't know it yet. You'll get there though, whether you like it or not.

"I'm free next Friday, come over. Spend the night with me. What do you say?"

You should've said no. You should have known better.

"Next Friday. I'll see you, okay?"

You should've said no. You should have known better.

"Ugh, fine."

But you said yes because you didn't know any better.

That first night with Frank was something else. It was fun and he kept his promise to make you feel good. So, so good. You never thought that sex could be that fucking good. At least, not with your previous partners. Not that you had many in the first place.

But god, Frank knew what he was doing and he loved doing things to you. He loved the entire process of knowing your body, what you liked and what you loved. How you liked to be kissed and touched and fucked.

He studied your body like his fucking life depended on it and you let him. You let him own your body because you needed someone to. You needed to feel something, wanted to have a purpose even for just a short while, even if it meant being someone's fuck buddy.

You felt lost for the longest time, but as you laid on Frank's bed with his tongue lapping up your cunt, you actually felt like you belonged somewhere.

You weren't a booty call, definitely not. And when things escalated between the both of you, Frank was already single and had broken off with his recent girlfriend, Daphne. You weren't a doormat nor a side chick. Frank had been your friend for the longest time, one of your closest actually. He knew you the best and not just physically. Frank knew the darkest parts of you the same way you knew him like the back of your hand. He was the most open to you, he said so himself.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." he told you one time.

Frank wasn't afraid to show you his true colors; how he wasn't the kind to settle for one or how he would often end up with someone immature or toxic. He himself was toxic and for the most part, you tolerated him.

That was the mistake on your part.

You let him be himself, that's why you held a special place in his heart. Not even his past girlfriends could get rid of you. You were untouchable.

"Are you sure she's fine with us going out?" you asked Frank one time, as the both of you headed to the movies.

He scoffed, "Yeah, don't worry. I already told her you're my best friend. You're off limits." he chuckled as he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you inside the cinema.

"You're fine." he reassured again, this time wrapping his arm around your shoulder and then cradling your head playfully.

Looking back, you sometimes ponder whether the friendship was really platonic. You were sure of it when the both of you first became friends; he was a couple of years older than you. You sort of looked up to him like an older brother for the first few years of your relationship. And he was very caring too, always looking out for you.

Your other friends were the first one to notice the closeness. They often told you that Frank seemed to have a thing for you. You brushed it off though, saying that it was impossible.

His girlfriend then was an acquaintance of yours. She was nice and wasn't bothered by how Frank was affectionate towards you.

Indeed, you were untouchable. You were the best friend after all.

"We fought again."

You rolled your eyes at Frank as he sat across from you at a local coffee shop near your place. It was your birthday and as always, you spent the most part of it with Frank.

It was like a tradition already, to celebrate your birthday with Frank first before you went out with your friends. Or even family. It was that kind of friendship.

"I'm sorry but who are we talking about again?" you joked.

Frank made a face, "Daphne." he responded. "I just told you about her like, two days ago."

You snickered, "I was kidding. But honestly though, you have to stop flirting with other girls. It's been really difficult for me to keep track of your record, Frank. And are you and Daphne even official?" you asked, taking a sip from your cold brew.

He rubbed his chin and shrugged, "Sorta. Well, we were official two weeks ago. Now though, I'm not so sure. Here's the thing, Daphne can be really..." he said, trying to search for the right words.

You hummed and shook your head, "Immature?" you said and mindlessly scrolled through your phone.

"You should really stop dating girls who are immature, Frank. I swear to god, this is like...I don't know, the fifth time you dated someone like her? Why don't you settle for someone who actually acts her age?" you blurted out.

Frank groaned and transferred to the seat next to you, his body facing yours and his hand landing on your thigh. You didn't mind, didn't think it was too touchy or intimate for someone who was in a relationship. It was pretty common for Frank to be this touchy with you anyway, you never paid much attention to it nor given it any malice.

"We fought because of you actually." Frank admitted with an apologetic smile.

Your head snapped towards him, a scowl etched on your face. "What did I do?!" you asked in defense.

"It was my fault. Daph saw your photo inside my wallet." he said.

"You should really throw away that photo. Jesus, why do you still have it anyway?" you complained.

Frank scoffed, "That's my favorite photo of you. I don't wanna get rid of it."

That was the last day that you considered your friendship with Frank platonic.

Come over

I miss u xoxo

Miss eating u out

Miss ur moans, wanna hear them again

You groaned at the continuous notifications that flooded your phone. While you were at work. After that first night with Frank, he had gotten extra clingy. No lies though, it felt nice to be wanted like this.

im free nxt Sat

Yay

Cant wait to see u, missed u a lot

dude, we were at the mall together just last wk

U really dont get attached do u?

Frowning at Frank's reply, you honestly didn't understand what he was implying.

what u mean?

Nothing

Work kept you busy for the entire week, with Frank bombarding you with sweet texts. You've avoided being sweet with him, it felt wrong. You weren't an affectionate person but Frank was, it was sort of one-sided. It wasn't a big deal anyway.

No one from the rest of your friends knew what had become of your friendship with Frank. You just thought it wasn't something that should be revealed. It was like your and Frank's little secret. You had to admit, the thrill only made the sex better.

Whenever the both of you went out with other people, the tension was there and it was fun. It was fun trying to brush off the way Frank's hand would steal touches from your waist, or how he'd subtly squeeze your thigh. The looks you exchanged from across the room; how Frank's "fuck me" eyes were meant for you and only you.

Things like that made you feel a certain type of way. But you never dwelled on it, or at least, you thought you didn't.

"Yeah, fuck...just like that, baby."

Frank's fingers dug deeply into the skin of your ass as he guided your hips. You gripped onto the back of the couch as you bounced on his cock, head thrown back from pleasure as Frank suckled one of your nipples. You could feel each of his fingers pressing down against your skin, it's probably going to leave bruises again.

"Frank, shit. I'm close." you panted against the skin of his neck, your arms wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him close.

Frank grunted and took your face in between his palms, forcing you to look at him as he began to thrust his hips upwards, eliciting a high-pitched whimper from you.

"Wanted to see you like this ever since." he breathed out, pressing his lips against your open mouth.

"Wanted you since we met, d'you know that?" he asked, grabbing a fistful of your hair and tugging your head back so he could nibble on your throat.

You shook your head and gripped his shoulders, nails scratching at his skin as you continued to ride his cock, "God, Frank...so close." you moaned.

You felt Frank's lips curl into a smirk against your neck, his fingers gripping your hair to keep you in place as his other hand slipped in between your bodies, finding your clit and rubbing it to help you reach your climax.

Every single time he touched you, you felt like your entire body was on fire. You felt the most alive, the most free whenever Frank fucked you. Maybe because he was truly gifted in bed or maybe he just knew your body and how to make it sing.

Or maybe it was because of the way he looked at you whenever you fall apart for him. Like he only had eyes for you, like it was only you that he could see.

Sweaty bodies and hoarse voices, the smell of smoke and sex lingering in the air. It was such a familiar ambiance by now. You liked how the aftermath of fucking Frank was never awkward, if any, it was a comfortable experience with the both of you just talking casually about how each other's day went.

"So I'm talking to this girl..." Frank said, turning you around so he could spoon you. Oh, the irony of the intimacy and conversation.

"Where'd you meet this girl?" you asked.

"Tinder." Frank snorted before pressing a kiss on your nape. "No, but she's different. I don't know, there's something about her."

You merely hummed in response.

"Think I might ask her out."

The first sting. The first realization. The first denial.

You should've said no. You should've known better.

The art exhibit wasn't a flop, but you wouldn't call it a success either. When you got a call from the organizer asking whether they can include your paintings in the exhibit, you said yes instantly. What can you say? You were a struggling artist who was seeking validation.

But now that you stood in front of your works with barely ten people attending the one-day exhibit, you thought that this wasn't a validation. It felt like a wake up call that maybe, art wasn't your calling and that you should probably give up on your dream.

"These are amazing."

You were on the verge of breaking down when you heard his voice. Turning around, you were surprised to see Frank. He was nodding his head as he approached you, his eyes scanning each of your painting.

"What are you doing here? I thought you had work." you asked.

Frank gave you a face, "Did you really think I'd miss out on your first exhibit?" he said and pulled you into a warm embrace.

"I'm proud of you." he whispered before kissing the crown of your head.

One validation from Frank was all it took for the walls to crumble down. He was the one who had been there for you all along and that was why you completely trusted him.

Frank will never hurt you, he'll never bring you down.

Or so you thought.

"Do you love me?"

It was a question that was supposed to make you think. But you didn't, because even before Frank decided to ask you that, you already had your answer.

You knew your answer for the longest time now, but decided to lock it into a box that you kept in the deepest part of your heart. It remained there unbothered and almost forgotten, up until this point.

That's why it was so easy for you to respond to it without even batting an eye.

"Yes."

It was too late when you realized that you had just admitted that you were in love with Frank. But you felt like it was the right time for you to bring out the key to that box, open it and just set your truth free.

They said that the truth will set you free, but why does it feel like it only imprisoned you?

"Shit, I was kidding." Frank said, his face panicked and body stiff from your unexpected admission.

Before you could even say something, Frank let out a nervous laugh as he ran his hand through his locks. "Wow, I didn't...are you serious?" he asked again.

It took you everything to brush off the pain, "Yeah, but it's no big deal. Come on." you shook your head and forced out a breathy chuckle.

Frank heaved out a deep sigh, "Fuck, I was messing with you. Are you sure it's fine? I mean, would this change anything?" he asked.

You deadpanned, "No, Frank. It wouldn't change anything. Like I said, get over it. It's not like I'm in love with you. I just love you...if that makes sense? You're my friend." you explained, more like lied.

"Look, it's not like I'm unattracted to you. I like you, I like spending time with you. It's just that I sort of don't see myself committing to you."

It didn't sink in to you immediately, Frank's statement. You didn't pay it any mind because again, you knew Frank. He wasn't one to commit so that was fine, you understand where he was coming from. It's not like you were going to force yourself on him too. But then you accidentally glanced at his phone and saw the messages he'd been exchanging with a certain someone.

When r u coming home?

In a little while, Daph

That night, Frank's statement hit you like a ton of bricks but again, you chose to deny what you actually felt. It's fine.

You're fine.

You should've said no. You should've known better.

Those words rang in your ears on the day that you found out. Your body turned cold, your vision blurred and your head spun. You'd never experienced hurt and anger like this, the kind that consumed you.

The kind that made you realized and admit that fuck, you'd truly fallen for Frank only for him to break your heart.

It didn't help that you were having such a terrible day at work. And Frank was so sweet to ask you whether you wanted to meet up with him. Not for sex, but to talk. The sex came rarely recently and was replaced with wholesome trips to the grocery, shit like that.

You knew there was something special going on. Even after he told you that he didn't see himself being with you, there was something.

Apparently, that something was just an assumption. Because when you asked Frank to meet you up that night, he said he couldn't and needed to be somewhere. That he'd meet with you the next day instead, a promise.

But then you saw him post a photo of him and Daphne. And it made your blood boil.

u back together?

No. Not really, been trying to fix it but u know how it is.

if ur trying to fix it with her then im out, frank

Wait what? Hey, are u mad?

r u fucking serious? u knew i love u and u come here parading ur ex, what the fuck is that all abt?

Shit, hey. Look, let's talk later, okay? Im out, will txt u when Im free.

Frank didn't text you back for the rest of the day.

You should've said no. You should've known better. But you said yes because you didn't know any better.

Were you regretting it? Yes. Sometimes.

You didn't know which hurt the most, the fact that Frank kept you in the dark while he was trying to patch things up with his ex, or that he considered you his best friend and still chose to break your heart.

He knew you the best, your relationship and trust issues and out of all the people, he really had to be the one to fuck you up the most. You trusted him so much, trusted him not to hurt you. Hell, if he doesn't want to commit then that's fine. But for him to treat you like a second option? Fuck that.

For him to confuse you with his actions, the intimacy...were all of those even real? All the times he came to your support when you had no one, when he was there for you on days you felt alone. What were those? He made you feel so fucking special, like it was possible to actually turn the friendship into something more than just fucking.

All this time you thought it was one-sided because you never actually showed Frank how much you meant to him the same way he did to you. Turned out that it was one-sided, but only because you were the only one who fell.

The following day, you received a voicemail from Frank. You pondered whether you were ready to listen to it but at the same time, you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was pretty stupid, he fucked you up and there was no excuse for that. But the friendship you had with him had a strong hold on you.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. That was my mistake." he started off. "I thought that this was really just sex and having fun, but I want you to know that I like you. I really do, you're special to me. Please give me a chance to make things right. Daph and I...I want to end things with her. Please stay, I don't know what I'd do without you."

“I just didn’t expect that you’d end up falling for me, I mean shit. You know the real me, how fucked up I am when it comes to relationships. Just please...please stay?”

Did you stay? Sort of. But you kept your distance, didn't meet up with Frank after that and only responded to his texts occasionally. Did he end things with Daph?

He didn't.

He said he would but instead, they got back together.

It was fucking selfish of Frank to ask for you to stay only for him to get back together with his ex. It'd be better for him to just slap you in the face then.

Being told that he couldn't see himself committing to you but then going back with his ex was the cherry on top. God, if that didn't mess up with your self-worth.

You totally stopped talking to Frank, ignored his texts and calls. You stayed away from him, tried to get over him and eventually, you did. But you'd be lying if you said that he never left an effect on you. Because he did, Frank did a number on you and it would take you a long fucking time to completely recover from the damage he inflicted on you.

You should've said no. You should've known better. But you said yes because you didn't know any better.

And that's okay, because there's nothing wrong with taking risks and ending up in heartbreak.

You live, you love and you learn.

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes @i’m-squished @tcc-gizmachine @sipsteacasually @prettyintopeerpressure @weloveyasmin @est19xxshit @bloodhon3yx @dressed-in-prada @lizette50 @thatfangirl42 @sunflowerbunny2 @unmagically @okiegirl24 @sugarpunch-princess @enlyume @vvipgotbb @slimeyderp @lyoongx @just-deka @nobody-will @jaziona92 @elisebuitron @dpaccione @suvikamahes98blr @buckybarneshairpullingkink @earthtonav @x-judyjude-x @nani-kenobi @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @belladonnabarnes @iloveangstposts @weenersoldierr @asemistablehundredyearoldman @reidbuck @lizzarooni @girlfriday007 @bonkywobble @lost-in-the-stars03 @its-yasbxtch @whoth3hellisbucky

#bbb writes #oneshots: eb frank #endings beginnings #frank endings beginnings #sebastian stan

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biotek · 3 years

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* before getting into this, i do want to talk about the weird conflation society has with sexual experience and maturity, with societal expectations somehow commingling the two. as is the lived experience of many lgbtq+ individuals, often when dealing with issues regarding one’s identity, coming out, and all of those related things, some in the community experience physical and emotional attachments much later in life. this isn’t something to poke fun at, it’s literally reality for so many people.

do you even remember that night before ilos ? that night meant everything to me... maybe it meant as much to you.

whenever i think of the kaidan romance throughout the series, this line always sticks out to me. as a young gay man, i’ve always found that a lot of the narrative regarding kaidan’s backstory, as both a bisexual man and as a biotic, seems to draw inspiration from the lived experiences of those in the lgbtq+ community. kaidan hides aspects of himself, after being physically segregated from the rest of humanity in order to control his powers, to escape being treated differently from those around him. being different has absolute negatives, he’s learned through trauma, and draws far too much attention to himself. he hates that attention. it’s something he’s constantly worried about, to the point that he isolates himself unwittingly.

in short, i think his night with shepard is one of the first sexual experiences, if not the first, kaidan has experienced his life. when shepard brings up the idea of teenagers going at it at brain camp, kaidan immediately rejects this idea. it’s noted in canon that kaidan rejects hookup culture in general, only engaging physically with partners whom he feels an emotional connection with. this is a stark contrast with other characters, for example: garrus who openly talks about his sexual experiences with shepard, thane who has a son, miranda who hooks up on ipartner, jacob who ends up having a child as well, james who flirts and sleeps with ashley, etc. in contrast to all of them, there’s this quiet man who expresses discomfort with such topics. he doesn’t really grow comfortable talking about such unless he enters a romantic relationship with shepard, thereby creating that level of trust between the two of them.

his partner exists on a pedestal but even from a platonic standpoint, he idolizes them in a way, in the sense that he’ll give his entire being for them. shepard, even when not in a relationship with kaidan, is important enough to kaidan to draw these aspects of himself out. we see him betray the alliance, the institution whom he’s given everything towards for over a decade, because he believes in shepard and their visions.

in a relationship, kaidan is left wanting to be the strong one to protect his partner, to be the rock in a storm, the quiet consolation during the long wartime nights. he will give everything to his partner and as shown in me2, he’ll go into quite a dark place if he’s felt vexed by said partner. he shows a level of anger shepard’s never seen before when they reunite at horizon.

he often talks about how he’s never had friends in his adulthood but i think his isolation goes even deeper. i do think that he holds shepard so close, when the two are engaged in a romantic relationship, because shepard is literally the first person to make kaidan feel so strongly, to feel accepted and safe. and this goes beyond shepard, of course, this would be the case with any partner kaidan grows close to. i just am using shepard as the driving force for this meta because as shepard, you can experience the blooming relationship with kaidan over several years.

so yeah to conclude, kaidan is incredibly new to romance, sex, all of that sort of thing. he requires a partner that will understand that, who will work with him as he discovers these aspects of relationships. it is why some of his actions may seem irrational, such as his anger on horizon, because he’s literally never dealt with such things before in his life.

#i. i’ve shattered my shackles. / about.#i've been thinking abt this all day so no formatting lol just words

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yoinenchuugumi · 5 years

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Proof - A YouAoi Fic

This is the first fic I’ve written in literal years and it’s YouAoi. I’ve betrayed my own OTP.

You has been in a relationship with Aoi for a month now. Yet he can’t stop thinking that he may not be the only one who is on Aoi’s mind.

I remember that day as if it were yesterday.

All my life, I thought I was only into girls. Sure, I could appreciate a good-looking man, but I thought it was all about the large breasts and the voluptuous curves that only a woman possessed. But he, no, he was different, and bisexuality is most certainly a thing.

His sparkling blue eyes lit up whatever room he was in. His sweet smile, a smile so innocent and filled with pure joy, chased away the darkness of whoever looked at him. He was always at the top of the popularity polls for a reason, he was our sunshine, our heart, and our beloved prince.

He was my beloved Aoi-chan.

I remember the first time I met Aoi-chan. He was introduced as a Gravi member, shyly standing behind Arata, who looked like he couldn’t care less. “I’m You,” I said, outstretching a welcoming hand to Aoi-chan. A sweet smile. “I’m Aoi Satsuki. It’s nice to meet you, Haduki-san.”

Haduki-san, eh? Kind and well-mannered, that I could tell from a mile away. Man, TsukiPro really found the most quintessential blond, blue eyed prince character, didn’t they?

“Nice to meet you, Aoi-chan.”

Yoru, my best childhood friend was standing next to me, and in my peripheral vision I could see his eyes grow wider than Kuroda’s after he was caught stealing food. “You~~,” he snapped. “Manners!”

But Aoi only laughed, a melodic sound that filled my body with jubilant tingles, and smiled at me. “Aoi-chan is fine.”

I didn’t know it at that time, but I had already fallen for him.

“Mmm.” A soft voice next to me.

I beamed, running my fingers through his soft, fluffy blond hair, gently massaging his scalp. In my musings, I hadn’t realized it was morning and past both of our times to wake up. We had been dating for a month already and really weren’t supposed to show any romantic displays of affection. Hajime, Shun, and probably the rest of the guys knew about our relationship (how could they not, I could barely look at Aoi without blushing) but we were strictly forbidden from acting like a couple in public. So I was forced to rely on these fleeting moments, waking up in a bed that was slightly too small for two people, next to the person I loved so.

“You?”

I frowned. I knew him well enough to know that his voice was hoarse. Sick? Sick again? He had just gotten over a nasty bout of the flu about a week ago. Was this a continuation of the flu? Another illness? I positioned my hand to lay gently on his head, and I glowered again. Yep. He definitely had a fever.

“You’re sick again.”

“Mmm? Am I?” Aoi asked as if he somehow didn’t know, adorably attempting to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“You have a fever,” I said firmly yet gently at the same time, kissing his bare shoulder, exposed by my old oversized tee that he slept in. Aoi gave me a cheeky grin, one he flashed whenever he was feeling slightly mischievous.

“You’re right, it is hot in here, but I don’t think a fever is the source of the heat,” he whispered, his voice tingling my every senses, nuzzling against me. I could only chuckle at his terrible corny line which was definitely part of his many charms.

“Oi,” I said, resisting every urge I had to just give myself to him then and there. “You’re sick. You should rest today.”

“Don’t wanna,” He pouted childishly, biting gently at my neck, his surefire sign that he was in the mood and more than ready. I hesitated for a brief second, not wanting to take advantage of my feverish and slightly delirious partner, but caved into my instinct and pulled the already too large shirt down a touch further…

“Get a room, will ya?”

See, this is the reason why the other group members should not have access to master keys.

I scowled, the mood immediately ruined, and turned to face the invader. Arata.

“This is my room,” I grumbled, knowing full well Arata would ignore me.

“Arata!” Aoi perked up, as he always did when Arata, his childhood best friend was around. He straightened immediately, breathing a touch heavier from his fever, his soft breath warm against my cheek.

Try as I might, I couldn’t stop the irritated green-eyed-monster that dwelled deep within my subconscious. Arata had already given me his “permission” to date Aoi—not like I needed it, mind you!—and Aoi had already assured me time and time again that his feelings for Arata were platonic in nature, but…but…

I instinctively pulled Aoi even closer to me, kissing him on the cheek. Much to my dismay, Aoi gently pulled away, fumbling with the covers and stumbling out of bed to greet his childhood friend, looking absolutely adorable in nothing but my oversized t-shirt.

“What’s up?” Aoi coughed almost immediately after his question. I reached out to comfort him, to rub his back, but Arata beat me to it, patting Aoi on the shoulder and flicking him on his forehead.

“Sick people should stay in bed,” he said soothingly.

My brow furrowed in displeasure. Platonic feelings or not, there was no doubt that Arata was a different, kinder person when he was around Aoi.

I hated it.

It was awfully selfish of me to hate it, but I hated it nonetheless. Aoi looked at Arata differently than he looked at me, differently than he looked at anybody, really. He never showed that level of comfort around me. Yoru tried to tell me it was because our relationship was still relatively new while he and Arata had been friends since the beginning, but that advice did far more harm than good.

Will I ever be more important than him?

I was so caught up in my internal rant that I hadn’t noticed Aoi place a gentle hand on my left shoulder, as if he was fully aware of my insecurities and trying to subtly reassure me that he was still mine.

“You’re right,” Aoi said, “I really am not feeling well. I’ll go to back to bed.”

Oh, so you’ll listen to him, but not me. I see how it is.

“Cool. I just came in to grab something, so I’ll see you later, then.” Arata held something up, what exactly he had stolen from my room, I hadn’t noticed. I was far more concerned with the dignity Arata had robbed from me. A soft click indicated that Arata had left the room.

Aoi coughed again and side, leaning next to me as he sat back down on the bed.

“You.”

I didn’t answer, lost in a maze of my own thoughts.

“You.” A sweet kiss on my lips. He may have kissed me, but was his heart truly with me, or were his thoughts following Arata out the door?

I didn’t hear the pained sniffle, nor did I feel the tremor from his shaking fingers.

“You!” Aoi rubbed his cheek against mine to get my attention, and while I felt the unnatural warmth from his fever, I also felt an unsettling damp sensation.

Damp? Was he sweating from the fever? Wait…

With all my willpower, I forced myself to swim out of my sea of insecurities back to reality, greeted by a crying Aoi.

Aoi was crying.

I cursed, furious at myself for ever hurting him so much that he cried, and pulled him into a deep embrace, resting my head on his and rubbing circles on his heaving back. Aoi gasped for air as he cried, his already weakened lungs struggling to breathe. I fought back my own tears that threatened to fall.

Why did this always happen when Arata was involved?

Why do I do this!?

“I’m sorry,” Aoi choked out between a mixture of sniffles, coughs, and sobs. “I’m so sorry.”

Why are you apologizing? I’m the one that’s selfish.

I kissed the top of his head, desperately trying to find something to tell him to calm him, to tell him it was my fault, that I was the jealous boyfriend that couldn’t stand it when his partner merely exchanged two words with another man…

I opened my mouth to speak, but Aoi beat me to it.

“Arata is and always will be important to me,” he choked. “But…but…if it makes you upset, I can tell him not to—”

My eyes widened. No way in hell I was letting him finish that statement.

“Aoi-chan,” I said firmly, pulling him back slightly so I could force him to stare at him. The sight of my beloved, flushed from a fever, tears streaming down his face, a runny nose, and disheveled hair was enough for tears to fall down my own face. I hated myself sometimes. Aoi must have sensed my jealousy and insecurities and immediately blamed himself for causing my internal conflict. He really was too kind for his own good.

It was one of the many things I loved so.

“You said it yourself,” I said, my own voice hitching from my terrible attempt to hold back my own tears, “Arata is important to you. What kind of partner would I be if I didn’t treasure that relationship as much as you did?”

“But…I see how it makes you feel, that pained look in your eyes, that self-deprecating look that you always torture yourself with…” he broke off into a fit of coughing and I pulled him close to me again, caressing his forehead tenderly. “I don’t know how I can prove to you that you’re the one I’m in love with.”

What kind of proof did I want?

I glanced down at him, relishing in our tender embrace. I chuckled, brushing away that nagging gremlin in the back of my head away, even if it was for a brief moment.

Just having Aoi here in my arms was all the proof I could ever need.

Okay, jealous You is adorable.

Well, that was supposed to go one way and then it went another way. Then I didn’t want it to drag so I ended it. I meant it when I said this was the first fic I’d written in oh, about 5 years now, so please bear with me. I’ll be getting an AoOO account, I wanted to post this and it hadn’t been created yet. Let me know if you’d be interested in reading some more of my writing, I’m open to requests, but of course I know the Nenchuu-gumi the best. Might be nice to have some prompts to get back into writing, I used to be quite the little fanfic author, maybe I’ll share some old links if I ever get bold enough. ^^

AraAoi is still life, btw.

#tsukiuta #haduki you #satsuki aoi #my fic

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nomxsicmiguel · 6 years

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- Task 001 : -

BASIC INFORMATION.

- What is your character’s full name ?: Miguel Rivera - How is it pronounced ?: mee-GHEL ri-vair-uh - Is there a meaning behind it ?: Spanish and Portuguese form of MICHAEL. A notable bearer of this name was Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547-1616), the Spanish novelist and poet who wrote 'Don Quixote'. - Does your character have any nicknames ?: Chamaco, De la Cruzito and Julio - When and where were they born ?: April 24th, 1997 What’s their zodiac sign and what traits do they most relate to ? Taurus, and the traits he relates to the most is being dependable, stubbornness and practical. - What’s their nationality ?: Mexican - What’s their occupation ?: Shoe maker, delivery boy, shoe shiner, etc. Anything that involves his familia’s shoe making business is part of his occupation. - What gender do they identify themselves as ?: Male

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

- What’s their eye color ?: Brown - Do they wear glasses or contacts ?: Nope, he has 20/20 eye sight. - Hair color ?: Black (although in the sunlight it looks dark brown) - Have they ever dyed their hair or wanted to ?: Miguel never saw the interest in dying hair, and even if he did his familia would probably have a heart attack if he tried. - Height ?: 5′8″ - Body build ?: Lean and a bit tall but not exactly to the point of looking lanky. More along the lines of a runner’s body type. - Do they have any birthmarks ?: He has a mole right above his mouth on the right side of his face. - Do they have any piercings or tattoos ?: None. - If not, do they want to get some ?: Maybe?!!! - Do they have a healthy life style ?: With the type of food his abuilita cooks? And how much she makes him eat?! No, not really. But Miguel is constantly running off to places, so that helps him burn all of the fat he get’s from eating so much. - How easy do they get sick ?: Not very often. Only get’s sick every four or five months, and that is usually if Miguel over exhaust himself with little to no sleep. When that happens, it’s hard to ward any member of his familia away, but honestly Miguel would just want to rest in bed with the sheets all over him the entire time he his stick. - Any marks on their body ( injuries, … ) ?: A few faded scars can be noticed on both sides of his hands he received mainly from years of making shoes. - What’s their personal style/how do they like to dress ?: T-Shirt, hoodie, and jeans. On other occasions, it would be: t-shirt, flannel (cotton), and jeans. - What is their favorite and least favorite feature about themselves ?: Favorite: He only has one dimple that appears when he smiles, which Miguel thinks is cool. Least Favorite: He sometimes thinks that he would look better without the mole on his face, as it’s just there.

PERSONALITY.

- Positive traits ?: Creative, Hardworking, Well-meaning, Passionate, & Protective - Negative traits ?: Defiant, Selfish, Rumbustious, Stubborn, & A bit Hot-Headed - What do they consider to be the best and the worst part of their personality ?: The best part of his personality is that Miguel will always try and do anything to make others smile. but the worst part is that once he has his mind set on something, he would also try and do anything for it, even if it may unintentionally hurt others in the process. - Are they more extroverted or introverted ?: Extroverted - Any talents ?: Musically incline, especially vocally (self-taught) and with a guitar (also self-taught). Miguel is also a craftsman, as he built his own guitar from scratch and has the habit of creating little knick-knacks here and there. Also, he had to learn how to built shoes thanks to his familia’s business. - What are their fears ?: Having his familia discover his secret passion for music and reject him for it. - Do they have any phobias ?: Thanatophobia – The fear of death - What is their soft spot ?: Miguel’s prima and best friend, Coco. He would literally do just about anything for her. - List 3 pet-peeves they can’t stand ?: 1.) “No music” 2.) Anyone insulting his familia 3.) Not being able to play music whenever he wants

EDUCATION.

- How far did they go in school ? Are they still studying ?: Currently in college as a junior. - Do they like school ?: Yes, but mainly because going to school is one of the only few chances Miguel has to play music openly without his familia knowing (unless Abel or Rosa is around, then Miguel would have to continue to stay quite). - What type of student are they ?: Average. Tends to get B’s and C’s the majority of the time, with the occasional A- here and there. Only had 1 F, and that was in Chemistry back in his senior year of High School (had to re-take it during his freshman year in college). - What is their favorite subject ?: Music Appreciation Communication - And their least favorite ?: Chemistry, and anything science in general to be honest. - What were they voted as “most likely to…” in the yearbook ?: “Most likely to stay and work in the family business.”

FAMILY.

- Who are your character’s parents ?: Enrique Rivera (Papá) and Luisa Rivera (Mamá) - How would your character describe them ?: Well-meaning, Supportive, kind-hearted, always trying to do what they think is best for the entire familia and overall loving. - Do they have any siblings ?: In two months, Miguel will be the proud big brother of Socorro Rivera aka his baby sister. - Are they close with their family ?: Pfft, THE CLOSES ANY FAMILIA COULD BE!!!

ROMANCE & SEXUALITY.

- What’s their romantic and sexual orientation ?: Open-minded, as Miguel has never had the time to focus on romance, so he doesn’t completely have a sense of what his orientation is. He is possibly demisexual? Panromantic-Demisexual?? Maybe?! - Are they seeing anyone right now ?: No, not romantically anyways. - Have they ever been in an relationship ?: Never, too busy working in the familia business and sneaking off to learn music to ever try and be in one. - Have they ever been in love ?: No. - How easy do they fall for someone ?: It depends? Miguel doesn’t often fall for looks, but if he is attracted to someone because of it, it is only the matter of finding something in common with them before he starts crushing. It needs to be a deep and personal kind of thing too, because otherwise Miguel may have a small crush or likeness to someone for a moment, but could then transfer it into a platonic feeling in the end. - In their view, why didn’t any past relationships work out ?: Lies and turning your back on the familia. - What do they look for in someone ?: Needs to like music. No offense to his familia, but Miguel does not think that he could date someone who hates music as much as his familia does. Doesn’t think he could handle it if that happens. It would be nice if the person also has a deep passion for something like he does, like it doesn’t have to be music but to know that someone can understand him and his passion and love for music would help him easily connect with that person. Not minding his familia is another bonus too, as at the end of the day Miguel cares about them all and would not be with someone who hates them. A good personality doesn’t hurt too, and some cute quirks maybe? - Do they believe in love at first sight ? or fate?: He would say neither, but if he had to choose then he would go with fate. He would rather believe that there was a reason behind why he fell in love with someone, than fall for someone over their looks. What’s their views on romance ? Do they go after it or avoid it ? He use to find it gross, but now Miguel thinks it’s kind of sweet. If two people are meant to be together, he would support it but romance is also a cautious thing for him thanks to what happened to his tía Imelda. - Did they have their first time already ? How was it in their point of view ?: Nope. Once again, Miguel does not have the time for romance, much less being intimate with someone. - What is their view on sex ?: It is okay? He has never experienced it, so he doesn’t exactly have an opinion on it? If he had to, it should be good for both partners, and not one over the other????? - What are their turn ons and turn offs ?: Passion! Just someone being passionate in general. Singing, I mean who wouldn’t want to see a lovely duet with their loved one? Singing in Spanish especially. Hand touches, like once Miguel finds someone he will want to be affectionate with them even if he is a little awkward about it. As for turn offs, insulting his familia is the biggest one of all because once again, anyone who dislikes his familia is no future Rivera. - Were they ever cheated on or have they cheated on someone ?: Nope. - Do they want to get married in the future ?: Possibly. If he finds the right person. - Have kids ?: Nuh-uh.

QUIRKS.

- Are they right or left handed ?: Left, but trying to learn to be ambidextrous. - What’s a word that’s always on their lips ?: “Oi” - Is there a saying they keep on repeating ?: “Mi familia *insert*” , “-sigh- No music” and “I want to be a musician” - Do they curse ?: Sometimes - What’s their worst habit ?: Sneaking off late until the night, only to arrive back home to get two to three hours of sleep (almost daily). - Do they drink or smoke ? How frequently ?: Miguel would be smacked by a chancleta if he smoked, but he does drink. Normally on special occasions does he drink, or when he is just not in the mood to deal with anyone or anything. - Are they an early bird or a night owl ?: Both???!!! Generally, he is a night owl but his familia has a thing for waking up extra early in the day, so.... - How tidy is their room ?: It’s a mess, let’s leave it at that. - How long to they usually take getting ready in the morning ?: About ten to fifteen minutes flat. Thirty if he chose to shower, but he normally leaves that for the night since his days are always productive.

FAVORITES.

- What’s their favorite color ?: Can never go wrong with red. - Favorite movie ?: Literally, just about any film that Ernesto de la Cruz had starred in. He is also a fan of The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise as well. - Music Genre ?: Latin and Country - Food ?: Tamales - Book ?: The Road by Cormac McCarthy - Favorite non-alcoholic drink ?: Piña Colada - Ice Cream Flavor ?: Horchata - Indoors or outdoors ?: Outdoors (only indoors when he is playing music, but even then he would rather much prefer to do so outdoors if he is allowed to)

#carthaytask #carthaytask001 #don't mind my header image #i am not the best at that #wrote too much here lol #like always #and picking his favorite book and movie was hard since i am a very generic person #but i'm glad i finished it!

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eludum-a · 7 years

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500 follower follow forever!

it happened. god knows why so many of you are here, but apparently you like what i do, so... well, thank you! to everyone! but this is a very informal follow forever meant specifically for people i speak to regularly/people i consider my friends/people i feel i owe something to. i haven’t done anything like this since the 100 follower mark, so please bear with me.

i felt like i needed to do this because, in the wise words of taako the wizard, “it doesn’t always have to be goof goof dildo. i’m traveling around with the boner squad and i never get to say... what i’m feeling! i have emotions!”

if you’re not here, please don’t feel like i don’t appreciate you! i only have the energy for so much love here in my body. if you’ve been inactive/are on hiatus, i might have missed you, and if we haven’t really talked a lot ooc, same thing applies.

(i have been working on this on and off for weeks. im so tired pls just let me be finished with it)

anyway, call outs below the cut!

@unsuspicious: cou, you send me so many baffling and strange images at all hours of the day. i had to lead up with this because where do you even get all those. anyway, you’re definitely the person i talk to the most every day, and it’s weird as shit to think that the last thing in tumblr messenger was me sending you the link to the discord channel. you’re a fantastic roleplayer when you actually roleplay and you’re fun to have around!

@hismalice: raz you are one of my favorite people on this god forsaken hell site and don’t ever forget that. if you need a reminder you can come back here and look at this and see this seal of approval, and also the mental image of me saying “no, fuck you” to your negative thoughts and then punching them in the face heaven slaying dragon fist style. if you ever wanna talk you know where to find me and it’s also ok if you don’t want to!! i’ll still be here regardless.

@cantalazarus: god bless the hinatatas, may they grow strong and powerful this year. amen. on a more real note: this is my official notice that i really appreciate you just... in general, as a person, even if im an asshole who has trouble with, like, Feelings and shit. so there’s that. same as with raz above, you obviously know where to find me whenever you wanna talk. and take as long as you need to recharge your batteries!! no rush

@mxssias: ALEX MY MAN... BOY... GUY! DUDE, PAL, WHATEVER. your naegi is LIT. i love the good good egg boy so much and you do him justice!! you don’t just focus on the lighter aspects of his character, but you recognize his various struggles as well! you’re also just a fun person to talk to and i’d love to do more naenami in the future of COURSE

@ayatsurii the sparkliest of cats! yo, sparkle, thank u for turning me on to pekonami because it’s so good and pure, and thank you also for trying to keep things from burning down in the chat when we get too rowdy (even if you’re not successful... we can’t be tamed). i look forward to future pekonami interactions!

@snappshot: sarah is wonderful at everything she does, sorry i dont make the rules. you’ve been around this blog for what feels like forever now?? first as mahiru (and your mahiru rly captured my heart) but also sayaka and kaede and your persona muses are equally wonderful! idk what i’d have done if you weren’t there to reassure me i was doing a good job. god bless sarah

@anemoia-avenoir / @ongakuvoices: rrrrrrrrIO! you’re lovely and you should know it. i know we don’t really talk much ooc but you definitely deserved a spot in here! your passion for your muses is incredible! your love for them shows in the details of your writing, and i know it can be frustrating sometimes to feel like you’re not good enough (believe me... i have been there many times), but believe me... you’re gonna do amazing things, i just know it.

@malchancevilain YOU STILL OWE ME 15 DOLLARS AND I AIM TO COLLECT, GREG GRIMALDIS. NO MATTER WHERE IN THE MULTIVERSE YOU ARE. ahem. we share a lot of common interests, watchy, and i really do love your luckgami, like, a lot. i love how different his background is without changing who he is fundamentally as a person, aka a snob

@shpionaz: *insert obligatory ‘like a boss’ joke here* ok now that we’ve gotten that over with,,, im so grateful i got a chance to play out the oumanami brotp interactions with you because that was on my wishlist almost as soon as i found out about their sprite similarities and we didn’t even have to try, it just happened. you’re first ouma in my heart forever and i can’t wait to do some things with your oc too!!

@gambogeish: it’s kind of ironic how i didn’t finish twewy until we became friends, when it was first gifted to me by my boyfriend... it’s probably just the difference in maturity/gaming ability from then to now, but ANYWAY: i am so glad to have met you. you’re one of the first people in the community i’ve really connected with, and you’re an awesome person who i’d love to roleplay with regardless of muse. i’ve got a virtual high five right here waiting for you. o/

@pseudxcode syd, god bless your chihiro, honestly. he’s such a sweet little guy and i love his interactions with chiaki! of course i’ve always been a fan of these two together (even when she’s NOT an AI created by him), because their talents complement each other so well! they’re good for each other. i’d love to see more chiaki & chihiro action, especially if it involves chiaki encouraging him and reassuring him that he’s not as weak as he thinks he is.

@kibcu / @krclowa we only recently started talking but you’re such a welcome addition to thotchat, liz! take that as you will. this one’s probably gonna be a bit short but im looking forward to platonic naenami interactions and ur sonia too! aunty nanami’s gonna babysit the hell out of those naegi kids (aka give them all smartphones and sit back and relax)

@synthxsizxr GOOD IDOL, BEST SISTER, AKI LOVES HER HARU even if she really doesnt understand the idol lifestyle like, at all. chi, you yourself are very sweet and kind, it’s wonderful having you here in this community! i hope you’re having a lot of fun with your talentswap chiaki and i hope

@relixum / @lxckyclovers: i hope you two don’t mind that i put you together here. i know you’ve been busy with school lately (good luck with that, by the way!!) but i didn’t want you to think i forgot about you! you guys make a mom/dad/parental unit so proud. you’re wonderful writers and i hope you find happiness wherever you go. *bob belcher voice* you’re my family and i love you but you’re terrible, you’re all terrible.

@tcndcrloins levi you’re the other constant presence in thotchat and you’re such a fun person to have around. you’re so welcoming and comfortable in a sense that i never feel like i’m bothering you, and thats a pretty incredibly accomplishment considering how often i convince myself im annoying. get those drafts done, i believe in you!!

@delinqueon avery, you were probably the first person within the community i talked to one on one, and thank god you approached me because at that point i never would have had the courage to speak up! your leon is such a delight to interact with and so are your other characters. one day you’ll get me back for making you read the bee movie script out loud for fifteen minutes.... one day

@betraycd last but not least, first i have to thank fin for my current editing software that i still have yet to figure out even 10% of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but i’ll get there! fin, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i absolutely adore your souda, all of the time and effort you’ve put into his characterization and how you don’t ignore the uglier parts of his personality. he’s a lovely flawed boy and you really do him justice!

after word:

like any community with more than a few people, there have been ups and downs in the path few months. i wanted to add here as a general shout out that i have never felt so welcome and loved in a community that i originally would have thought would be more disjointed than what you might find on a forum. like, i’ve changed a lot thanks to you guys! i’ve been able to get over some of the hurdles of my social anxiety (i didnt jump over them so much as drag myself across the ground and painfully crawl over them) and i just... i feel good? i feel like people like me? there are still times where my anxiety insists i’m nothing but a useless burden, but i actually... feel like people enjoy having me around? holy shit!

i made some really cool new friends and got to know a different kind of roleplay community. im overall incredibly grateful for this wild and weird journey i’ve been on, and the journey certainly isn’t over by any means! i hope to keep seeing you guys around!

these words really arent even enough to express my gratitude. i havent been to some really dark places, but there for a while i felt like i was almost completely alone. i simply wasn’t connecting with other people like i wanted to. about 3-4 years ago i lost contact with (long story) my roleplay partners of 4 years and it wasn’t an easy thing to recover from, but i’m here now and it’s just... really good! incredible, even!

komussy

#[welcome to my christian minecraft server // ooc]#follow forever #it's 12:36 am and im posting this. fuck it #i'll reblog it again tomorrow #...later today

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