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kaminaepicwin · 6 years

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Twilight Princess, first play through, part Fifteen.

-Wait a second, are you trying to tell me that Midna was the Twilight Princess the whole time? I thought it was Link! I mean, that is the logic behind the normal game-name issue, isn’t it? Was the actually supposed to be a surprise? I admit that 26 year old me isn’t exactly the ideal or expected audience, so I have no idea if it was done well or not. -Off to the Twilight Realm Dungeon! Or the Trungeon, if you will. -“Is my sword more shiny than usual?” -Is that the master hand? He certainly keeps trying to grab my ball, the perverted scamp. -So fun fact, my Wife apparently has some childhood trauma related to this enemy. Nothing to do with giant grabby hands, just anxiety because of the music and the stealing and the ever-present threat of having your work undone by a giant grabby douche. -Also the second grabby hand you fight has an interesting glitch I discovered. In the room with the spine of hookshot targets on the roof, it is super easy to set the wall up so that Grabby hand is just stuck on the other side of it, giving you plenty of time to get everything ready. -The lighting effects in this dungeon are pretty neat. I know that it is a weird little comment, but it is mine. -Zant…sure was an experience. His lovely little back-leans where he just looked up to the sky and said “oh noes I am le evilz” were amusing, and I got the impression from his actual fights that he 100% had no idea what the hell he was doing. Throwing temper tantrums on top of platforms, making little finger-guns at me, flailing around with swords he clearly didn’t know how to use, just… if they wanted to get across the message of an entitled whiney little shit-wizard than they did it. -I would be more okay with this, except the rest of the game has him in a very serious light, bitch-slapping us with no difficulty. Maybe the rest of his appearances were part of an act, putting on a brave face while he tried to be cool in front of strangers who didn’t know how much of an awkward chuckle-fuck he was, but that still doesn’t explain the lack of Link-being-bitch-slapped in his final boss fight. -Speak of being bitch-slapped, Midna popped his dumb ass like a balloon. It was kind of wonderful. She was all like, “BEGONE THOT!” and then… POP! No more Zant. -Except apparently yes more Zant? I remembered him saying something along the lines of “my master has been reborn in the world of light, but I cannot die until he does”, but I thought that was just him being full of bluster and hubris? You know, instead of hot air, which is what Midna popped out of him. -Except apparently yes, Gannandorf his-damn-self has not just been reborn in the Light-world, he is back in his old body (scar the size of my head and all), and is raring to go. -I addressed my confusion to my wife, admitting that I thought his previous quote was him being metaphorical, only to be told that “Zant is too badshit for metaphors.” Oh well, off to the castle to save the princess from the evil dark lord. -And Kaiju Midna is here to save the day! She is truly wonderful, and I think link is suddenly regretting all of his short-jokes. Although I also feel that there was a lost-chance to have Link ride her around during a final boss fight like she rode us around during the whole game. -Fought the Bokoblin Captain who jousted me using my good friend again. This fucker just won’t die. And in fact, he didn’t. He acknowledged my strength, gave me the key to his chastity belt the castle, and then fucked off. Huh. Very much wanted to murder him… -Lot of Dark-dark knights, but thankfully the Cave of Ordeals gave me some practice on those assholes. -*Me, facing Gannon’s Door*, “Welp, time to face the ominous music.” -Gannon’s entire entrance scene is amazing. Sitting on the throne like a boss, almost convincing Midna to mercy kill Zelda, all good things. -Also neither of us remember the exact details, but at some point during this exchange I said, “huh, wouldn’t it be fun if we got to fight Zelda in one of these games,” to which my Wife only replied. “If.” -Which Gannon, buddy, darling, literally every other member of your race was a woman, and presumably you were raised by all women, how do you not know how to fight in a dress? Seriously, you should show more respect to the body you are possessing to kill me with. -Oh no Midna don’t teleport us away, whatever could possibly happen now that you are trying to monster-mash Gannon? *five seconds later, seeing Gannon posing dramatically in front of the setting sun, the crown of a lesser king crushed beneath his heels* Oh no Minda, who could have possibly predicted that this would happen if you tried to monster-mash Gannon? -Also apparently Zant survived? Even though we haven’t seen him since Midna popped him like a balloon, but here he is! -And now he isn’t. Good. We really needed that. Seriously, why bother with this? I am sure that they could have come up with some way to make it so that Midna popping Zant like a balloon was somehow that final piece of the puzzle to bring Gannon back, instead of Gannon being brought back into the Light world offscreen, Zant surviving being popped like a balloon but not showing up until the 2 seconds it takes him to snap his own neck, and the whole thing feeling cheap. -Hell, I spent about 2 minutes thinking about it. Gannon’s Warlock pact with Zant was that whatever Zant wanted, Gannon would want, and would make happen. Couldn’t this whole thing be Gannon setting Zant up to fail so that Zant would want “to live again/have another chance”, which Gannon would then piggyback on and abuse? I just feel like we needed *ONE* more scene, something to establish Zant being around, and we’d be fine, but oh well. -And Midna survived? What a twist? -So… before I knew what *actually* was happening, when I saw Midna cry her single tear, I said in my Link voice, “Oh no, Midna, what’s wrong?” and then answer in my Midna voice, “Nothing, Link, just realizing I might actually have to put up with you more in the future,” in a kind of Tsundere kind of joking way? -Except nope, no happy ending for my otp. Goth girlfriend has left us forever. -And yes, I have a Link and Midna Voice. Fight me.

-And now for the part you all are waiting for, my final thoughts on the game, and comparison between it and Wind Waker. -Honestly, I ended up saying most of what I have to say now back 2 weeks ago in my post, “Twilight Princess, first play through, extra ramblings.” Wind Waker has the characters and art, Twilight Princess has the gameplay.-Something that I feel needs to be added to that is that Twilight Princess’s dungeons felt a whole lot more challenging and fun. Even though I didn’t always agree with every part of said dungeons, I found the puzzles a blast, whereas I cannot really think of too many memorable puzzles from Wind Waker. -Except for the Triforce block puzzle. Man, that thing stumped me for hours. No wonder it kept Ganondorf, master of evil magic and criminal mastermind out for centuries. -After giving the whole thing some more thought, I would say that Wind Waker makes a better story, but it isn’t just a story. It is an interactive game. And that means gameplay is kinda of important. Thus, Twilight Princess moves forward just enough to get my preference over Wind Waker.

-Next up, I’ll be (eventually) doing skyward sword, because if I just go straight to BotW, I will never be able to go backward.

-If you have any questions feel free to send them my way.

See you, Space Cowboy

#LOZ #legend of zelda #a certain little bird #Twilight Princess #Sunbear Seeks Twilight #text #blind playthrough #Wind Waker #like a balloon #Zant #Ganondorf #Midna #Kaiju Midna #friend jousting #excessive sarcasm.

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