#yes i went a bit extra with the tracklist but!!

[canthelps]

Summer North's incredibly personal Fouth Album-A Little More Time- is OUT NOW! listen here

Happy Birthday @lcvewaslcst

Song explanations under the cut

The Alcott (The National and Taylor Swift)

summer wrote this after the meeting with their lawyers and going to the bar together. its the surprise that molly still wants anything to do with her, about how difficult it is for her to be with her after she knows shes hurt her so much. she doesnt want to get ahead of herself, because she still thinks that shes unworthy of mollys love. “how many times will i do this and you’ll still believe?”

Sunshine Baby (The Japanese House)

written while they were starting to get back together. shes worried that shes gonna fuck it up again but all she wants is just to be back with her wife and its all she can focus on. she just wants life to be easier “well ive gone a little crazy, surely someones gonna save me. i dont know whats right anymore, i dont wanna fight anymore”

I Love You but I Need Another Year (Liza Anne)

much darker sound, written in the depths of the break up. about how she broke up with molly because of her own mental health. she doesnt know how to deal with her mind. “you’re sticking around but how can you stand it? I can’t salvage your mind while im losing mine. and nobody should have to deal with this. but i need you i dont wanna leave you” Also a sick song live because she gets to show off her guitar skills and headbang. probs a fan favourite live. the whole thing sounds like a panic attack

Emily I’m Sorry (Boygenius)

Called Molly I’m Sorry (obviously). An apology song to molly, pretty obvious. she’s sorry for what she did. she shouldn’t have done it. she loves her too much. written a few weeks after the lawyer meeting/the bar. summer coming to terms that she could come back “im twenty seven and i dont know who i am but im becoming someone only you could want”

A Little More Time (Role Model)

Is about summer struggling being in LA, far away from her home and family. Molly is the only thing holding her to LA, so when they break up she doesn’t quite know how to feel about it. Its about her realising that the only thing that will make her love LA again is being with Molly. “in a city with no seasons, in a house thats not a home….am i permanently broken, or is it just the sunshine blues?”

Bad Idea (Girl In Red)

They hooked up while broken up. its literally just about that. they should not be booty calling each other when theyre broken up and trying to figure things out but they do. its a banger and the fans love it. summer wasn’t sure about putting it on the album bc it makes it sound like she cheated. but she and molly both know thats not true and thats all that matters. also the use of darling links back to the previous album

Big Star (Lorde)

another song about how she doesn’t deserve molly. summer does refer to herself as a cheater in this song but once again she never cheated on molly! just a lovely song about how amazing molly is and how much summer loves her. ignore that the original is about a dog. its romantic. “toss up if its worth it every time i get on a plane. i’ve got so much to tell you and not enough time to do it in” was probably written before the break up. when her downwards spiral was starting

Not Strong Enough (Boygenius)

I DONT KNOW WHY I AM THE WAY I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MAN. literally its just summers mental issues getting in the way of her being happy lmao who can relate! was written on the same day as sunshine baby bc shes what? TALENTED.

Gemini Moon (Renee Rapp)

another song about how summer believes she is actually the worst!! anxious avoidant attachment who? no its just her gemini moon. “i bet youre sick of it, believe me so am i….but really i should just be better to you” honestly this one is a maybe for the album but ive been working on this playlist for months and i want to get it done

Anti-Hero (Taylor Swift but the Keaton Henson Version)

do i really need to say it? its me hi im the problem its me?

Everything (Muna)

shes helplessly in love with molly and everything is about her even when theyre broken up. was written deep in the break up when all she could think about was her wife “four hundred and counting and my only question is how would you feel if one was me. would you wish we made love again, would you want to revisit the marks on my skin, cause the world could be burning and all id be thinking is how are you doing baby”

Show Up (Samia)

its a song for her fans, about how no matter whats going on in her life she will always show up and perform for them as long as they still want her to

#yes i went a bit extra with the tracklist but!! #summer has many emotions and its an important album #ship: summer and molly

[purplesurveys]

1104

survey by kaybee-x18

What was the highlight of your day? I mean, Flowers for Vases came out earlier on Spotify Philippines and I had no idea, and I waited all morning thinking the release would be in sync with US timezones so I was in for a nice surprise of a whole goddamn tracklist when I casually checked my Spotify at around 11 this morning haha. The album is beautiful and I’m so excited to take it with me on my journey to healing.

Also got paid today, so that’s shweeeeet. As a reward to myself (since I’m doing a bit of OT tonight) I also recently ordered banh mi and Vietnamese iced coffee for delivery and it’s currently on its way to me :) All in all, pretty solid day!

Do you know anyone who is anorexic? Not that I am aware of, but it’s possible that I do.

Are you dating the person you texted last? No. That would be the delivery rider who’s bringing my sandwich to me, and that is just creepy to think about.

Who has hurt you the most this year? I don’t let Gabie hurt me anymore, directly or indirectly. Everybody else has been gentle with me so far in 2021, which I appreciate.

What's the last insult someone said to you? Ugh it’ll stress me out to think about it again, but last week my mom was asking for some money and I advised her that I might not be able to just for the meantime; she immediately got all condescending, asking me how much I make in a month and what I spend it on. I thought it very rude and tactless, and it ruined the rest of my evening. I know she knows she has a tendency to be tactless, so I don’t know why she never does anything to change that behavior.

Trigger warning on a few questions belowwwww.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you last? It was a boy. Man is more proper actually, but whatever.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Dude, it’s a Friday night and I’m on the rooftop on a chilly night, I’ve laid out a mat with some pillows and a blanket and I’m surrounded by my banh mi and iced coffee while Hayley’s new songs are playing faintly in the background. I’m right where I want to be.

Have you ever given up on someone for good? Yes, and I had no idea how incredibly liberating it would feel :)

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? I think it was my mom, since she briefly knocked on my door to say goodnight shortly before I passed out.

How much did your car cost? I’m not sure exactly how much, but it’s definitely in the six-figure range. It’s a hatchback and secondhand so there’s no way it’d be worth a million bucks.

Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend in 6 months? No; I’ve ended up really liking being by myself. It’ll be a while before I open myself up to love again, if I ever do.

Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? One of our brand clients recently recruited a new guy to be a part of their team, so as we got acquainted I also got access to his contact details.

When was the last time you hugged someone? It was when Andi was leaving my car as we parted ways a few weeks ago.

What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Pretty sure it was work-related since my teammates share photos through Viber all the time. I can’t be bothered to check, though.

Are you better at remembering names or faces? Can easily spot familiar faces from a mile away, but I’m quite terrible at remembering names.

Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? See: the entirety of my relationship that ultimately failed. I cherished and took care of that relationship as much as I could, but the effort I got was never the same and I ended up being hurt, too. It’s going to take a while before I gain my trust and confidence back when it comes to these things.

Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? This was Gab’s perspective and reasoning, not mine. I’m starting to believe it’s all bullshit though; that it’s an excuse she used so that I could feel better about myself. At this pont in time, I’m pretty sure she just wanted to be free from this “burden” of a relationship that she increasingly found “exhausting.”

Who did you last share a taxi with? God I have not been in one of those in a long time. My last ride in an actual taxi was with my family; but in the last ride-hailing service I took (like Uber), I was by myself since I was headed to school that day.

Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? No, no reason to feel that way towards anyone at the moment.

What do you hear right now? I can hear the faint engine of a motorcycle. I can also hear a couple of dogs barking.

Do you remember the first time you met the last person you kissed? Yes.

Do you like polka-dotted things? Not always, but sure. Sometimes the look can be tacky, but there are times that it looks cute.

Do you do anything to help the environment? In my own little ways, like dividing all my notebook pages into two columns to save up on paper; reusing paper and plastic bags, turn off my car engine when I have to idle somewhere, etc.

What do you think of people who complain about Valentine's Day? I don’t care lmao, it’s not my problem.

Have you ever had to get stitches? No.

When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Trigger warning: Self-harm. Last week when I grabbed a key in my room and did stuff to my wrist with it. A few months’ progress down the drain.

What was the last thing you wore that was black? The shirt I am currently wearing is black.

Is your tongue pierced? Nope.

Do you think that you have a pretty smile? Yes, I like the way I smile.

What month were you born in? April.

When's the last time you cried over a guy? Wow lmao, literally no idea. The only instance coming to mind is whenever I miss either my grandpa or Nacho, but I can’t pinpoint the last time I found myself in tears over either.

Are you keeping a secret that would shock people if they found out? I think so.

What pissed you off yesterday? The internet has been going on and off for the last few days.

The person you like at the moment finds someone new, what is your reaction? I don’t know if I like anyone at the moment, at least not anymore. But I think I would still get affected if the word ever gets to me that my ex is seeing someone new, should it happen in the near future. That’s why I’m one step ahead and just stopped talking to her and have muted her on all social media.

Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. I was definitely scared and devastated at first, and I was for a while. Once I came to terms with the fact that nothing was my fault and that it isn’t my loss, it became much easier to get over it.

Has anyone seen you in your underwear this month? Nah.

Is your life falling apart or coming together? Coming together.

Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? When it comes down to it, and considering my stupidity when it comes to love, yes.

Do you know anyone in the army? Yes but just vaguely. Angela’s uncle is a high-ranking...army person. Army official?? Idk how to refer to them but yeah he’s like a general or colonel or something like that.

Do you have any friends that actually model? I wouldn’t count any of them as friends but yeah, I went to high school and/or college with people who have since become influencers and have endorsement deals and stuff. Cheenie is probably the most notable one.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? Probably.

Do you care about the last person you kissed? Again, when it comes down to it, yes.

Do they care about you? I have no idea but I don’t dwell on it anymore.

Are you for or against gay marriage? Of course I’m for.

Ever kissed someone whose name started with A, B, C, & D? No to all of these.

Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Mmm I don’t think so. I like spending this evening by myself.

Do you still talk to the person you liked 3 months ago? Nope. I don’t have a reason to.

When do you want to get married? I’d love to get married in my late 20s, but I don’t know if that’s still a possibility.

Do you know anyone who’s committed suicide? Yes.

Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I think about this with certain people sometimes, but most of the time they are annoying, unwelcome, invasive thoughts that I try to shake off immediately.

Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed died? What’s with some of these questions lmao??? Yeah absolutely. 

Is there anyone who doesn't like you? If there is, I don’t know anything about it and I doubt that I would care,

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Yesterday when a client was being extra annoying.

What was the last thing you cried about? I stumbled upon an emotional scene from Grey’s Anatomy on Facebook this morning, and I let myself go while watching it haha. It was a great snippet.

Do you have nice eyes? I’m not particularly known for my eyes, like they’re nothing special. I’ve got nothing to complain about them, though.

What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? I’m not sure if I’ve caught anything bad. If I did it most definitely would have stuck and continued to stick with me.

Is there anyone that is jealous of you or anything that you have? Not that I know of.

How many true friends do you have? Right now, I would say two very close friends.

Does anyone disgust you? Sure.

Do you flirt a lot? Never.

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? I have not, and I’m glad none of them have.

What phrase or saying do you use the most? I’ve said this on a recent survey but I say “Awesome!” a lot, but it’s a habit I picked up from my now-ex.

What mood are you in right now? I’mmmmmmm getting a little sleepy tbh, but I’m trying to keep myself up for a few more hours because it’s a Friday evening.

Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No.

Are you waiting for anything? Not really.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother? It’s civil at best. We don’t get at each other’s throats as often as we used to anymore but I don’t feel the need to improve our relationship, and I’d rather still keep a safe distance from her.

Do you think Jersey people are annoying? I don’t know any of them because I live on the other side of the world, so...

How many exes do you have? One.

Did anyone break up with you in the last 5 days? No. Last five months, sure.

Who was the last person that broke your heart? Cheesy phrase, but Gabie.

Do you love anyone? I love a lot of people.

Do you want to be single or with someone? Not looking for anything at this point in time. I mean I’d really rather be in a relationship when it comes down to it, but I wouldn’t force myself in one for the sake of being in one. If no one fits the mold, then I’d be just as happy being single, and this happens to be where I am right now. I’m okay with that.

What song are you listening to right now? No music.

Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because she was leaving and I wanted to say goodbye.

Does your mom think you’re a virgin? Yes.

Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I think my brother, but my mind is set on never saying a word to him again.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? I don’t hate him; he’s just a particularly difficult client to deal with.

Would you rather get high or have sex right now? Getting high would be a brand new experience, so let’s go with that haha.

Do you know anyone with a star tattoo right by their hip bone? No, I don’t.

Did anyone give you anything last Valentine's Day? Last year, yes. This year, no.

Do you keep condoms in your room? No, I don’t need to.

What do you think about people who party a lot? Like, in 2021?? I would think they are highly insensitive and irresponsible and putting so many of their loved ones at risk. 

Have you ever been caught sneaking out of your house? Nopes.

How much time do you spend on AIM a day? I don’t.

Is there a secret you've never told your parents? I hold way more secrets than actual things they know about me.

Ever kissed someone over 30? No.

What size bra do you wear? Baby bra size, whatever the measurement for that is HAHA

Does the person you last kissed still like you? Lmfao no. She hasn’t for a while now.

Are your parents still together? Yes.

Was your first time good or bad? Good.

#survey #surveys

[grimelords]

October Playlist

My October playlist is finished and it’s complete from Rico Nasty to Rachmaninoff. I absolutely guarantee there’s something you’ll love in this 3 and a half hours of music, and probably something you’ll hate too! Something for everyone!

If you’d like to have these playlists delivered to your inbox instead of having them randomly appear on your dash, please subscribe to my tinyletter here.

listen here

Santeria - Pusha T: In anticipation of Jesus Is King I relistened to the entire Wyoming Sessions project a few times, and a year removed from all the hype and controversy here's the thing: it's fucking great. The individual albums ranged pretty widely in quality and felt slightly unfinished for how short they were sometimes, but taking the project as a whole 5-album 120 minute playlist it turns out it's a masterpiece. My personal tracklist goes Ye/Daytona/Nasir/KTSE/Kids See Ghosts, which isn't release order but I think makes it flow the best - both Kanye albums bookending it and the less impactful Nas and Teyana Taylor albums buried a bit further in where you can appreciate them now that you're deep in the mindset of the whole thing rather than alone on their own.

Puppets (Succession Remix) - Pusha T & Nicholas Brittel: This remix is such a perfect match: Pusha T’s corporate villainy finally given a context and prestige it deserves. It’s also short enough that it could feasible be the actual theme song next season, which would be a marked improvement imo.

Use This Gospel - Kanye West, Clipse & Kenny G: I am and remain a Kanye stan, even after everything. It’s nice to see him going back to the extremely uneven mastering of MBDTF era, it’s a sound that is uniquely his and it’s fun to see him revisit it. The thick vocoder harmony is so soupy you get lost in it, and the way it opens up to include the full choir in the No Malice verse is beautiful. Kanye reunited Clipse through Christ and we have Him to thank for that at least. The Kenny G break is great, and the grain and dirt on the whole track when the beat kicks in is so gritty you can feel it.

Man Of The Year - Schoolboy Q: I didn't love the Chromatics album they surprise released but it did thankfully remind me of the time Schoolboy Q sampled Cherry for Man Of The Year. Taken exclusively on lyrics, Man Of The Year is a triumph: he's the man of the year and it's all worked out but the sample and the beat underscores the dead eyed melancholy that runs through the whole of Oxymoron of never winning even when you've won.

Cold - Rico Nasty: This song fucking tears your face off. Imagine STARTING your album at this level of intensity. She just goes straight to 100 and burns the house down. Outside of Lil John so few rappers can get away with just straight up screaming in the adlibs but the way she just lung tearingly screams GOOOO through this is fucking sick.

Fake ID - Riton & Kah-Lo: TikTok songs are becoming their own genre, but it’s a very nebulous sort of a mood encompassing everything from aughts pop punk hooks to skipping rope raps like this. It’s a strange new way for songs to blow up that everyone seems compelled to write articles about but my take on it is it’s exactly the same as ads were in the old days. Remember how many songs did absolute numbers because someone put it in a Motorola ad? Same thing except you’re not being sold a phone this time, so in some ways it’s better. Anyway, this song bangs. The spirit of 212 era Azealia Banks lives on even if she’s doing her best ever since then to kill it.

Doctor Pressure - MYLO & Miami Sound Machine: There was a very good era in the mid-2000s where you could just put mashups out as singles and they’d chart, it was sick. My only two examples are this and Destination Calabria but I’m sure there’s more. Drop The Pressure is a masterpiece but as an alternate version this mashup is equally masterful.  

If You’re Tarzan, I’m Jane - Martika: Martika is unfortunately best known for the 1989 one hit wonder Toy Soldiers, a sort of boring overdramatic ballad which is best known for being sampled by Eminem in 2004 in his quite bad super duper serious song Like Toy Soldiers. I say unfortunately because every other song on her first album is great, it’s all hypercolour 80s synthpop and I love this song especially because it is so completely stuffed with activity it becomes dizzying. It gets so lost in itself that they completely abandon the dramatic pause before “I’m Jane” for some reason toward the end and instead just layer three different tracks of vocal adlibs. Every part of this song is great, the weird ‘o we o we o’ chant before the second verse? The neighing horse guitar before the bridge? The musical tour of the world IN the bridge? The part where she says ‘I want to swing on your vine?’. This song has everything.

You Got Me Into This - Martika: Every part of the instrumentation in this is amazing. The bass sound, the main synth, the extremely athletic brass, the wonderful echoing 80s snare that’s as big as a house. I just love it. She also does some really intriguing slurs on the word ‘love’ all the way through, just moving it around absolutely anywhere.

Space Time Motion - Jennifer Vanilla: I love when someone has such a clearly defined aesthetic and mission from the very beginning. Jennifer Vanilla is the alter ego of Becca Kaufmann from Ava Luna who I've had in this playlist before but never competely investigated. Jennifer Vanilla feels like an episode of Sex And The City where Samantha gets really into Laurie Anderson and she is incredible. This video is the best mission statement I’ve ever seen and is currently criminally underviewed so please do your part and support the Jennifer cause by watching these two videos.

So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings - Caroline Polachek: Caroline Polachek said watch me write a Haim song and did it. Apparently the very early versions of this album started when she was in writing sessions for Katy Perry, but then it started to turn into something else and she took it for herself, and I think you can hear that. With more normal production and a little faster this is a hundred percent a Katy Perry song, but instead it’s completely uniquely Caroline Polachek and it’s all the better for it. And also Katy Perry must be furious because her new songs are simply not good at all.

Electric Blue - Arcade Fire: I just love the obsession of this song in the outro, chanting over and over and over “Cover my eyes electric blue, every single night I dream about you”

Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado and Timbaland: I got a youtube ad for one of those Masterclass videos the other day and it was Timbaland teaching production. This ad went for five minutes for some reason and I watched the whole thing and it made me admire Timbaland even more. He’s demonstrating his compositional technique which is basically to just beatbox, and then loop it, and then add some extra percussion layers with more beatboxing and hand percussion, then loop that and add a little melody by singing or humming. ‘It’s that simple’ he says. Then later he goes back in and puts in actual drums or synths or whatever. I was stunned because suddenly a lot of his music makes sense. Without the barrier of instrument or timbre to get hung up on it allows him to write from this instantly head-nodding place of just making up a little beat you can sing and dance to immediately. Listening to a lot of his music now you can hear the bones underneath everything so clearly, all his beats are supremely beatboxable and all his melodies are very hummable, they’ve never overcomplicated by instrumental skill or habits, they just exist to serve the song.

Serpent - TNGHT:  TNGHT are back baby and this song is like nothing I’ve ever heard before. It feels like afrofuturist footwork from another dimension, the mbira sounding lead against the oil drum percussion in this cacophony of yelps and screams that just builds to an irrepressible energy without a bassline in sight.

Ghosts Of My Life - Rufige Kru: I'm reading Mark Fisher's Ghosts Of My Life right now and some good person has put together a spotify playlist of all the songs he mentions. He has a whole essay about why this song is sick so I’m not going to go into it here but it’s interesting to hear about someone growing up with jungle when it’s a genre that has always felt very niche to me. I guess partly as a result of it never really making it mainstream as a genre here, and also me being a little too young for it.

Renegade Snares - Omni Trio: My biggest introduction to drum and bass comes from the game Midnight Club 3: Dub Edition and this really great song from the soundtrack that is finally on spotify after a very long absence. At almost the exact same time as I discovered this song with its spacious piano and repitched snares, I discovered Venetian Snares and breakcore in general. Having no particular frame of reference for breakcore as an offshoot of drum and bass only amplified its appeal to me as a completely alien genre that sounded like nothing else I’d ever heard, and so my personal history with drum and bass is a story of walking backwards into it after the fact which is interesting if not helpful.

Punching In A Dream - The Naked And Famous: The Mark Fisher book also mentions the Tricky song which I’ve never heard from which The Naked And Famous got their name and I thought ‘man remember The Naked And Famous, they were sick?’. The sort of harder edged Passion Pit instrumentation mixed with pop punk, a winning combination.

Vegas - Polica: My favourite part of this song is the unexpected blastbeats after the chorus, using their two drummers to their full advantage and just shaking the song by its foundations every now and then lest you get too comfortable.

Right Words - Cults: I’m beginning to suspect I may be the last surviving Cults stan but if this be my lot I’ll gladly do it

Running From The Sun - Chromatics: The new Chromatics album got me to relisten to their definitive document Kill For Love, and something new I appreciated this time about an album I love a lot is its length. Kill For Love is almost 80 minutes long and it luxuriates in that length. It’s sequenced perfectly so it never feels like it’s long for no reason, but large chunks just completely space out and go out of focus in the soft neon light and the second half of this song is a good example. The whole thing just evaporates into smoke and it feels perfect. If this were a shorter and more concise song that had a proper ending it wouldn’t feel right, this whole album has no straight edges at all and it’s all the better for it.

Chance - Angel Olsen: I cannot belive this song. This feels like she wrote her own version of My Way looking forward instead of back. Instead of the ruefully triumphant "I've lived a life that's full / I've traveled each and every highway" it's “I don't want it all / I've had enough / I don't want it all / I've had a love." before the turn from the future to the present at the end, where she gives up on a forever love in exchange for right now. I love how raw this vocal take feels. It's not her best voice but it feels very very honest as a result. She's just singing her heart out in this huge showstopping closer. In an interview she said "I didn’t love the recording of it very much, and now I just feel in love with it as a closing statement, because it’s a way of saying, ‘Look, I have hope for the next thing in my life.’ I’m not going to anticipate negativity or hate or an end. But instead of us looking towards forever, why don’t we just work on right now?"

Something To Believe - Weyes Blood: This album just keeps paying dividends. I’m systematically going through long obsessive periods with every single song on it and now it’s Something To Believe’s turn.

Don’t Shut Me Up (Politely) - Brigid Mae Power: Without meaning to, Brigid Mae Power seems to have created some incredible fusion of folk music and stoner metal. The way this song absolutely sits unmoving on one deep and resonant chord for so long is amazing. When it does change chords it feels like a full body effort to get up and shift. She has a similar feeling to Emma Ruth Rundle, who more explicitly wears her metal influences, but Brigid Mae Powers' strength is in how much it resembles the traditional folk side of the spectrum. Her voice is also amazing, with the huge effortless runs she goes on about halfway through just coming unmoored from the song completely and floating off into space.

Sweetheart I Ain’t Your Christ - Josh T. Pearson: I had a real problem with Josh T. Pearson for a long time because of how he presents as so authentic on this album, and as I’ve previously discussed in these playlists the concept of authenticity in country music is a source of neverending anguish for me. But his newest album The Straight Hits! has largely cured that for me because it’s not good at all, is extremely contrived (all the song titles have the word ‘hit’ in them) and he’s shaved his beard and replaced it with one of the worst irony moustaches I’ve ever seen. So now I’m free to enjoy The Last Of The Country Gentlemen as a character construction, which allows me a far deeper and truer engagement than the idea of a man actually living and thinking like this which is frankly a little embarrassing.

Codeine Dream - Colter Wall: I love this song, it has that feeling that great folk songs do of feeling like you’ve always known it. The strongest moments on this Colter Wall album to me are in songs like this that chase this particular feeling of morose isolation, and where he leans away from storytelling like his biggest hit Kate McCannon - a kind of cliche country murder ballad. This song is fantastic because of the way it wallows in this black depression not as a low point, but as a reprieve from the lower previous point. Things are as bad as they get now, and they’re always going to be like this, but at least I don’t dream of you anymore.

Motorcycle - Colter Wall: I only just found out about Colter Wall this month and have been listening to this album over and over. When I first heard him I though it was strange I'd never heard of him before because he's obviously some old country veteran based off his voice, but it turns out he's 24 and this is his first album he just sings like he ate a cigar. I love this song especially because it's so straighforward. It's a simple and supremely relatable mood: what if I bought a motorbike and fucking died.

Who By Fire - Leonard Cohen: I watched American Animals a couple of weeks ago and it’s a great movie, highly recommended. This song plays near the end and I waited for the credits to find out what this great song was, and like a rube found out it’s only one of the most celebrated songwriters of all time. I’ve never had much of a Leonard Cohen phase, somehow. In my mind I always get him mixed up with Lou Reed, which I’m learning is actually way off. I love the harmony vocals in this, and the way they move around into the shadows in the ‘who shall I say is calling’ parts.

Words From The Executioner To Alexander Pearce - The Drones: Alexander Pearce was a convict who escaped Sarah Island’s penal settlement in Tasmania with seven other convicts in 1822. He was recaptured two months later alone. In 1823 he re-escaped with a fellow convict, Thomas Cox and again was returned alone.He was executed by hanging later having eaten six men during his escape attempts.

It Ain’t All Flowers - Sturgill Simpson: I found this album going through the Pichfork 200 albums of the decade list and I feel like a fool for not having heard it sooner because now I am completely obsessed. Sturgill Simpson is doing the very best work in country music right now because he's looking backwards with one eye and forwards with the other and this song is a great illustration: a perfect Hank Williams Jr type country song with big voiced hollers that morphs into a surprise psych freakout for the whole second half.

Desolation Row (Take 1, Alternate Take) - Bob Dylan: I’ve always liked Desolation Row a lot as a song but the acoustic guitar on the album version is simply not good, it's just kind of mindlessly playing this long directionless solo the whole time and over the course of a song this long it really adds up to just being annoying. Luckily because it’s a Bob Dylan song there’s a whole universe of alternate takes and mixes and this is a great pared down version I found without it. The best kind of Bob Dylan songs are the ones where he just makes an endless stream of allusions and bizzare imagery, and this and Bob Dylan's 115th Dream are my favourite examples of it.

Living On Credit Blues - El Ten Eleven: This is a groove I get stuck in my head a lot, and this is also a song I think would work well as a theme for a tv show. I've been meaning to do a 30 second edit of it just for my own amusement, maybe I'll do that soon. El Ten Eleven are a duo where one guy plays drums and one guys plays a double necked guitar/bass and looping pedals and somehow against all the odds of that description they manage to make emotional, driving instrumental music of very deep feeling, like this song which is one of my all time favourites.

Dusty Flourescent/Wooden Shelves - Talkdemonic: This is sort of a companion Living On Credit Blues, and Talkdemonic are similarly an instrumental duo with good drums. This entire album from 2005 is highly recommended, it's a sort of halfway between the post rock of the time and a kind of acoustic hiphop instrumentals that ends up sounding very rustic and homemade, like a soudtrack for a winter cabin.

Turnstile Blues - Autolux: This is a perfect song, built around a perfect beat. Every part just fits perfectly.

Fort Greene Park - Battles: The new Battles album is finally out and I absolutely love it. I cannot think of another band that has shed members in the same way as Battles; originally a quartet on their first album, then a trio for their second and third and now down to a duo for their fourth album - and somehow still performing material from their first album live. The paring down has seemingly only servers to focus them and the new album sounds fresh but still distinctively Battles, with no sense of anything lost or missing. This song is my standout so far, and the guitar line in particular is so good and interesting to me because I don’t think I’ve ever heard Ian Williams play something so distinctly guitar-y in his whole career. This is a straight up pentatonic riff with bends and everything. Filtered through his usual chopped and looped oddness it feels like he’s almost gone all the back around the guitar continuum and is this close to just doing power chords next album. And I’ll support him!

Diane Young - Vampire Weekend: I've listened to this song a lot in my life and I only looked up the lyrics the other day to find out that the opening line is 'you torched a SAAB like a pile of leaves' which I somehow never noticed. What a power phrase. There's also this very good quote from Ezra about it: "I had this feeling that the world doesn’t want a song called ‘Dying Young’,“ says Koenig, "it just sounded so heavy and self-serious, whereas ‘Diane Young’ sounded like a nice person’s name.”" and he was right to do it. This song is 100 times better because he’s saying Diane Young than it would be if he was saying ‘Dying Young’. That’s a songwriting tip for you.

Monster Mash - Bootsy Collins & Buckethead: Hey did you hear Bootsy Collins and Buckethead did a cover of the monster mash? Thank god for freaks.

The Dark Sentencer - Coheed And Cambria: There's not that many bands that I absolutely loved as a teenager that I've completely abandoned. I've moved on from a lot but I'll still keep up with them if they have a new album or something. Coheed And Cambria are one that I've almost completely turned my back on. They've had 3 apparently pretty patchy albums since I stopped listening after Year Of The Black Rainbow, which was extremely bad and really taught me what people mean when they say an album is 'overproduced'. On a whim I decided to see what they're up to now and listened to their album from last year and guess what: it rocks. It's got everything you'd expect from them: big riffs, bad and confusing lyrics, his weird high voice, overwrought and overlong songwriting, cheesy muscleman solos. Everything about this band is sort of cheesy and embarrassing and takes itself way too seriously, but I'm discovering slowly that that's what's so good about it. The weird pulp sci-fi story and mindset that underpins this whole band is ridiculous and overwrought and as a result it gives the music a reason to exist the way it does. It’s so big and dumb because the story it serves is so big and dumb. It feels exactly like reading Perry Rhodan or some increidibly long and dense but not especially good series like that, it’s pulp music and that’s what I love about it.

Romance In A (6 Hands) - Sergei Rachmaninoff: Piano works for 4 hands (where two guys sit next to each other on the same piano) have always seemed to tend towards the realm of the gimmick or party trick, and works for 6 hands (where three guys do it) even more so - but this Rachmaninoff piece is just beautiful and I can’t believe I haven’t heard of it before this month. It doesn’t overload everyone with a million things to do, it just builds this very wide harmonic bed for the simple melody to swim in - then the way the melody transfers over to the middle register is just magical before the tension of the final section takes over and builds.

Love's Theme - The Love Unlimited Orchestra: I’m so glad I got to learn about the Love Unlimited Orchestra this month. Aside from having one of the best names in music, they were Barry White’s backing band and had their own solo instrumental records too. Here’s a fun aside: Kenny G was a member when he was 17 and still in high school. This is a genre of music that has seemed to totally disappear into the realm of parody and farce only which is sort of a shame because it is unironically very beautiful and dense in its own way.

Dancing In The Moonlight - Liza Minelli: Can you believe I thought Dancing In The Moonlight by Toploader was an original until the other day when my girlfriend played this Liza Minelli version that predates it by several decades? This also isn’t the original! It was written by a band named King Harvest in 1972, with this version AND a version by Young Generation both coming out in 73 and a whole bunch of others in between (including a Baha Men version in 94) before Toploader finally had a proper hit with it in 2000. Truly the world works in mysterious ways. This version is the finest I think, it just goes and goes, frenetically unwinding at a breakneck pace before opening up into a flute solo of all things and then winding up again even and finishing in a kick line breakdown. Absolutely no limits.

Girls - Royal Headache: The sheer amount of power and melody that this song manages to pack into a minute and a half is incredible, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more instantly relatable opening lyric than “Girl! Think they’re to fine for me! Oh girls! And I’m inclined to agree!”

Pov Piti - Matana Roberts: In anticipation of Matana Roberts new volume of her Coin Coin album series that just came out I relistened through the three previous albums and they are even more powerful than I remembered. This song serves as a pretty good mission statement for the whole project, and the heartrending tortured screams that open it set the tone for the rest of it. Matana Roberts sings the injustices of slavery into being, and her sing-song delivery highlights the trauma - her indifferent delivery mirroring the indifference of the world at large. The way she rattles off this story like she’s gone over it a million times and grown numb to the facts only accentuates the pain in the telling, a pain that rises to the surface in the screams of her instrument and herself.  

Kingdoms (G) - Sunn 0))): This new Sun 0))) album is one of my favourites they’ve ever done because it’s so straightforward and back to basics. Every song is just ten minutes of straight up no-nonsense, big, rich, drone. They even put the notes in the track names so you can drone along if you like.

listen here

#playlists

[jiminssizzles]

Track 4: Getaway Car

Summary: Hoseok is Bangtan’s sunshine and he has made it his life mission to bring a smile to everyone’s faces. He’s never seen much negativity in this world, always looking at the brighter side of things, until he met her.

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x named girl reader

Genre: Fluff, fluff, smut, fluff and ANGST

Warning: Unprotected sex. Have you watched ‘If Only’?

Word Count: 16k+

Author’s Note: Thank you so much, @minyoongail for beta-reading and creating the mood board! <3 16K is a lot of words, but you stayed patient, uwu <3  (Why are we still beating deadlines ever after work? :>)

Part of my TAYLOR SWIFT MIXTAPE SERIES

Tracklist:

Intro: Story of Us

Track 1: Daylight >> Park Jimin

Track 2: Afterglow >> Min Yoongi

Track 3: I Almost Do >> Kim Taehyung

Interlude: You Are In Love

Track 4: Getaway Car >> Jung Hoseok (You’re here!)

Track 5: _______ >> __________

Track 6: _______ >> __________

Track 7: _______ >> __________

Outro:

Interlude // Next Track

~

 It’s already 12 midnight and Bangtan still isn't done practicing. The practice room already smells sweaty, kinda slippery too because the members lie down after every set and their sweat just sticks to the floor. Hoseok looked at his bandmates, pulling them into a circle and sitting down with them (although most of them are lying down).

 “We’ll continue this tomorrow, alright? Or do you want to rest tomorrow?” He fiddled with his fingers, expecting that his bandmates will say that they want to rest tomorrow. “Let’s practice tomorrow,” the others simultaneously said, bringing Hoseok to a shock -- a good shock, that is. “Are you sure?”

 “We’re going to have a one month vacation anyway. Let’s just do our best until then.” Namjoon spoke, the others nodding to his direction. “Alright,” Hoseok said, standing up and helping the others up, “I’ll go home to Seungso-dong tonight, I think Jiwoo-noona left for a business trip.” They bid their goodbyes to him and he jokingly said, “Jimin, try not to mess up our room any further.” The younger boy just smiled and raised his thumb up.

 Hoseok decided to drop by a pub near his apartment. It’s not a high end pub, just a local pub where it’s dark and he won’t have to worry that anyone will recognize him. He saw a spot to park his car in when someone suddenly took over and parked their car first. Hoseok was infuriated, but he just held onto the steering wheel tighter because he couldn't blow his cover.

 A girl went out of the car and made her way near Hoseok’s window. She knocked on the window three times, Hoseok rolled his eyes first before pressing the button for the window to go down. He flashed her a smile, “Yes?” The girl is pretty, although she is in a disheveled state at that moment. “I’m sorry, I just need a drink right now and I need it, fast.”

 She did not wait for Hoseok to answer and ran off to the pub. The girl’s hair is tied up into a messy bun, strands of her hair falling off in every corner of her head. He’s wondering why the hell is she wearing a cropped top and shorts in this weather. He wanted to turn and just go home, but he found himself looking for another parking space just so he could look for the girl inside. It was like a match was lit up inside of him -- his curiosity getting the best of him as he went out of the car.

 He brought his extra jacket with him and went inside the pub. His eyes instantly landed on the girl that is sitting alone in the corner, downing a glass of beer. Hoseok sighed and walked to her, “Here.” He said, giving his jacket to the girl. “I don’t need that.” She replied, rolling her eyes and taking another shot of God knows what are these drinks in front of her.

 Hoseok sat on the chair in front of her, “Rough night?” The girl slurred, “Rough life.” Hoseok awkwardly nodded, looking around the almost empty pub, “Do you need more drinks?” The girl looked at him and tilted her head slightly, as if mocking him, “Why do you care? And why are you here? And who are you?”

 “You just look like… you need someone.” Hoseok honestly said, biting on his lower lip and avoiding her gaze. She downed another shot of one of her drinks and raised her voice, “There it is again! When will people realize that I can fucking live. this. life. alone?!” Hoseok raised his two hands as if surrendering himself, “Fine! Fine! I’m sorry, don’t shout.”

 The girl almost banged her head to the table -- good thing Hoseok catched her before the impact, “Have you been drinking all night?” The girl nodded, “This is my third location after being kicked out from the first two.”

 “Then don’t make them kick you out again. Get your shit together.” Hoseok replied while using his tone when he wants Bangtan to listen to him. If he can’t get her to listen while he’s being cheerful, then might as well use this authoritative tone.

 “I don’t care if they kick me out. People are mean anyway. Even my parents, they’re mean.” She rolled her eyes for the nth time tonight and Hoseok is not having any of it. He can’t believe that there’s a person who honestly thinks that people are mean. All his life, he knew that there are bad people, but calling everyone mean in general? There’s too much goodness for him in this world. Why does he feel like the girl didn’t have any?

 “What’s your issue with your parents?” He leaned her back to her chair and sat next to her. “They think they can give me away, just like that. They think that whatever they think is right for me. They think that I am their fucking robot, but I’m not.”

 Hoseok scrunched his face, “Give you away? What is this.. like child smuggling or what?” He asked, but the girl just keep rambling on. “The guy is not even nice to me. Borderline asshole!”

 The girl started to cry, making Hoseok panic internally. He just placed his hand on her back, rubbing it for comfort. She’s been sobbing non-stop, “The world is too cruel, even for me. I fucking built myself to be strong, but this world is too much.”

 Then she blacked out.

 ~

 Maine woke up in soft sheets and a dark room, the sunlight barely making it inside. She looked around and tried to remember hard where she ended up last night. The last thing she remembered was being kicked out of the second bar that she went into.

 Shit, stupid. She thought to herself. She sat on the edge of the bed and saw a post-it note with sunflowers as its borders along with a medicine and a glass of orange juice. 

 Drink this if you have a hangover! :) - H

 Huh, who is this H guy? She just drank the juice and medicine. Cupping her pockets, she’s thankful that her phone is still there. She smiled while checking it and saw that there are no notifications yet, Guess they haven’t discovered it yet.

 The door suddenly opened and she saw a boy wearing a colorful shirt going inside. “Hey, you’re awake.” The awkwardness in the room radiated from the two of them, “Uhm.. want to grab breakfast? I made fried rice and… other food.” The boy asked.

 She just nodded and followed him to the kitchen. The guy’s apartment is big. It’s spacious and it’s tidied up. The apartment has a minimalist vibe, but the displays are almost either colorful or cute. She snapped out from her reverie when the guy cleared his throat and pulled a chair for her which she sat on.

 “So, what’s your name?” He asked, she stared at him and focused, trying her best to shun the ache that’s clouding her head. “Aren’t you Jung Hoseok?” She replied. Hoseok sighed and nodded, “Yes, and you are?”

 “Maine.” She said with a straight face. Hoseok instantly smiled, “Nice to meet you, Maine. How did you know me?” Hoseok knew it was a dumb question. He’s a celebrity and the girl might have seen him on a couple of ads or on a performance.

 “Before I answer that, why did you bring me here? I can be a bad person, for all you know.” She crossed her arms and leaned on the chair. “You can be a bad girl for all I know, but you can also be a good girl that needs to understand the world more.” He answered, giving her fried rice on her plate.

 What the hell did I tell him last night? She shrugged at the thought and replied with no emotion on her face, “How can I understand the world? I never had any choice in it.” Hoseok bit his lower lip and nodded, “Yeah. That seems to be your problem since last night. Mind to share why?”

 Maine doesn’t know if she can trust him or not, but who cares? She’s bound to leave this place anyway, “Baby steps. I don’t want to overshare, but just so you know, I am Seokjin’s cousin. Now, I appreciate you being nice to me, but I need to go. And don’t tell Seokjin that you met me. Where’s my car?”

 Hoseok told her that he left it in the pub where they met last night. He heard her whisper, “Tch. Too close.” Then she made her way to the door, getting her car keys on top of the counter and went straight out.

 The girl never left his mind ever since. He doesn’t know what to make out of the things that she said. If she’s Seokjin’s cousin, then maybe she came from a rich family too. If she came from a rich family, why does she sound so miserable? If she really is that miserable, then why?

 ~

 “Three months? You’re going to stay there in Paris for three months?” Hoseok purposely enlarged his eyes, making Jiwoo laugh as they’re having a video call before Bangtan starts practicing. “Hi Jiwoo-noona!!” Jungkook said when he passed by, Jimin and Taehyung grabbed the phone from Hoseok and waved their hands to Jiwoo too. “Noona! Take something home for us!” Taehyung said while flashing his boxy smile, “Fine! I will.”

 “I want to taste macarons, noona!” Jimin said, squeezing himself into the camera’s view. “But you already look like a mochi, baby boy.” Jiwoo answered, making the two laugh. “I didn’t expect you to be part of this teasing, noona.” Jimin smiled and said his goodbyes, “Take care there!”

 They gave the phone back to Hoseok and started stretching. “What are you going to do there for three months?” Jiwoo answered, “Just fashion stuff. Don’t worry about me! Start practicing and don’t slack off!”

 “When did Hoseok ever slack off?” Yoongi commented and also waved to Jiwoo before joining the boys on the practice room floor. “Alright, noona. Take care of yourself there!” Hoseok waved again to his sister and turned the video call off.

 Seokjin entered the room with Namjoon and they both went straight to the boys. Whenever Hoseok sees Seokjin, he can’t help but think about Maine. The girl literally said things that are different from his perspective and his curiosity is not helping him either. He wanted to know what's happening to her.

 But he can’t even ask Seokjin.

 ~

 Hoseok’s on his way to his apartment in Seungso-dong when he saw Maine’s car parked on the side. The car looks like it has been left hastily so he went to check it. He pulled over and peeked through the window, but no one's inside.

 “Do you know the owner?” Hoseok heard a voice from behind and looked at the one who talked. He is a tall man that is wearing corporate clothes. He looks like a CEO of a company, or maybe it’s just him. What if he’s one of the people that Maine is talking about? “No, I don’t know the owner. I just thought the car was broken or something. Came to help.” He smiled at the guy and went back to his car.

 It’s good that his car is tinted. He stayed there for a minute or two and looked at what the guy is about to do. Looks like he’s just waiting for Maine to come back. Hoseok wanted to wait for her too, but he thought of the way she just went out of his apartment without even saying thanks. If the girl didn’t like company, then do he even have rights?

 When the elevator opened on his apartment floor, he was shocked to see Maine sitting in front of his door, her face buried on top of her knees and she’s hugging a backpack too. Hoseok did not mean to, but his feet automatically rushed to her. He knelt beside her, “Hey. What are you doing here?” She faced him and he saw how tear stricken her face is.

 “What happened?” He asked again. Maine grabbed his arm and tears started flowing again from her eyes, “Please keep me. Please hide me. Please, don’t tell anyone that I’m here. Please, I’m begging. Please, Hoseok, please.” Her head dipped down again, her voice wavering from all the sobs she’s producing.

 Hoseok pulled her up and opened his apartment door. Grabbing the backpack that she was hugging, he led her in and made her sit on the couch. He just stared at her while getting a glass of water. He feels like he’s with a different girl now. She became so vulnerable and scared. The girl he met a week ago would not even stay for breakfast, and now he’s begging him to keep her?

 Strange.

 He gave her the glass of water and she finished it in one drinking. She looks so exhausted and more disheveled than her wasted state that he saw a week ago. “They found me.” She said in a barely audible voice.

 “Who found you?” He shifted his position to face her. Maine kept on fiddling with her fingers, “My family. They found me.” Hoseok can’t hide his confusion, “Isn’t that good? Why are you hiding?”

 “You don’t understand.” She said, still looking down. Hoseok sighed, his mind exhausted too from all of the words that she says that he can’t seem to decode, “Then make me understand.”

 “Won’t you let me stay if I don’t make you understand?” She’s biting her lower lip again, doing her best not to cry.. again. Hoseok felt like there’s something tugging on his heart, and he doesn’t even understand why the hell does he care. “I’ll let you stay, even if I don’t understand.”

 With a deep breath, Maine faced Hoseok and saw the confusion in his eyes. She can’t see any judgment, just confusion and comfort. He feels welcoming, or maybe that’s what she wanted to believe. She was about to answer his question but he spoke first, “You can rest in the room that you slept in a week ago. I’ll order dinner for us.”

 She nodded and stood up, making her way to the room. Before closing the door, she called out to him, “Hoseok..” He stopped what he’s doing on his phone for a while and looked at her too, “Yep?” She bowed slightly to him, “Thank you for letting me stay.” Then she smiled and closed the door.

 Hoseok felt his heart skip a beat. He smiled to himself, At least now I know that she knows how to smile, he thought. He completed his order and left his phone at the kitchen counter. Walking back to the living room, he decided to rewatch his favorite movie “If Only”.

 Fifteen minutes into the movie, he heard Maine’s door open. She went out of the room wearing only a shirt and shorts. “What are you doing? Oh--” She looked at the big television screen, “You like ‘If Only’?” She asked. “Yeah, it’s actually my favorite. You can watch with me.” Hoseok scooted to the right side of the couch to make room for Maine.

 She sat beside him, leaning on the couch too, “Why is it your favorite? You know the girl died in a car crash, right?” Hoseok nodded, “I know! I’ve watched it more than ten times already. It still hurts though, even if I know what’s going to happen.” Maine sighed, “Then why do you keep watching it?”

 “For one, it keeps on reminding me that no matter how much fame, money and people adore me as a BTS member, nothing beats the people I know personally.. and that I should show my love for them every chance I can get.” He said while smiling at her. “Wow, that’s deep. I didn’t know you’re a serious person.” Maine replied, focusing on what’s happening in the movie.

 “So you thought I was all fun and games and jokes?” Hoseok asked while looking at her. Maine nodded and looked at him too, “I’ve only watched a couple of your clips with Seokjin. The two of you literally make everybody laugh. You make everybody happy, Hoseok.”

 “If that’s the case, then may I know if I make you laugh?” He asked while wiggling his eyebrows. Maine felt that he’s just doing that to make her laugh as she’s been nothing but sulky ever since they met, “Yeah. You did. A couple of times.” Hoseok nodded with a smug smile on his face.

 “Don’t be too full of yourself.” Maine commented and returned her gaze on the movie. “I’m not. It’s just nice to know that I can make a stone-hearted girl smile.” Hoseok returned his focus on the movie too. Maine threw him a quick glance and kept her smile to herself.

 They were quiet for the rest of the movie, only talking whenever they reacted to the movie scenes. The doorbell rang, Hoseok stood up first, “That must be our dinner. I’ll just get it.” Maine nodded and stood up to go to her room. When she came back, Hoseok is already placing the food on the dining table, opening it one by one.

 Maine stood beside him, “Hey.” Hoseok looked up and saw Maine giving him cash, “What is this for?” She bit her lower lip, half embarrassed but mostly grateful that he’s letting her stay here, “Since I feel like I’m going to crash here for a while, take this as my share in everything here. I don’t want to feel guilty for the electricity, water and food I’ll be consuming on my stay here.”

 “No need. This is free.” Hoseok pushed her hand gently to return the cash back to her side. “I don’t want it to be free,” she stubbornly said. Hoseok rolled his eyes and showed her his straight smile. He pulled her to her chair and made her sit, “You said that the world is cruel to you, right?”

 Her eyebrows furrowing, “When did I say that?” Hoseok sat on his own chair, “Hmm, on the first night that we met, on the pub, before you blacked out.” He pushed the food to her, “Eat.” She put a generous amount of pork and kimchi on her plate, “Oh, but it’s true. This world is cruel.”

 “If that’s the case, Maine, I’m going to show you that this world is not cruel and you can be happy. Keep your money, I got you from now on.” Hoseok started eating while Maine just stared at him, face still expressionless.

 She started eating too, thinking about how she was planning to just go after a day or two. She thought about her plans of going far away from here. Hoseok is too good for her, always so welcoming, always making her feel at ease. She never felt at ease her whole life which is why this is something new to her, something uncomfortably comfortable for her.

 Maine is really Seokjin’s cousin, one of his closest to be exact. When Seokjin is not yet an idol, they’re always together whenever there’s a family reunion, considering that her mother and Seokjin’s father are siblings. It just so happened that when he became an idol, a problem in their family business arised causing the drift between their parents. Seokjin became busy with BTS too, only talking to her occasionally.

 All her life, her parents told her what to do. When she was in middle school, her parents were the ones who decided where she’ll study, even if it means going away from her friends. When she was about to start college, she wanted to take up a medicine related course, but her parents wanted her to take a business course. They told her that it would cost her less time studying at school and more time studying how to take over the business soon.

 Her only escape is to ask her parents for her to live in her own dorm. She moved everytime she switched schools. She didn’t have a permanent home, not even considering her own house her home. All her life, none of her decisions matter, if it will not benefit their business, her parents’ answer will always be no.

 She was pulled out of her thoughts when Hoseok put his chopsticks down, indicating that he’s already done eating. “I’ll clear this up,” Maine volunteered, “Thank you, Hoseok.” He wiped his mouth with a tissue, “For what?” Maine started gathering the used food containers and placed them in the paper bag, “For everything… that you’re saying and what you’re planning to do.”

 “Anytime.” Hoseok smiled and tapped her shoulder. He went inside his own room to wash his face and to get ready for bed. He was letting his face mask dry when he received a text from Jimin, “Hyung, Mickey won’t eat.. maybe he’s looking for you?” Hoseok laughed and called Jimin.

 “Jiminie,” He said, Jimin shuffled on the other line, shifting on his own bed, “Yes, hyung?” Hoseok chuckled, “Mickey didn’t eat? Or you watched a horror movie and you just want someone to sleep in the same room as you?” He heard Jimin whining on the other line, “Hyuuuung… Insidious is so scary!! Why does Jungkook watch that?!” Hoseok laughed loudly, “Tell Jungkook to sleep in my bed instead! Goodnight, Jimin.” He listened to Jimin whining and complaining for a while before ending the call. The last thing he heard was, “Jungkook! Hobi-hyung told me that you should sleep in his bed tonight.”

 Babies, he muttered to himself, removing his face mask and laying down in bed. He’s set to go back to Bangtan’s house tomorrow anyway. He thought of Maine being in the other room, still wondering what went wrong in her life to make her that scared of her family. For now, he has a new mission, and that is to show her that life isn’t so bad and not all people will let her down.

 ~

 Usually, Hoseok only goes home to Seungso-dong once a week. With Maine there, he found himself going home to Seungso-dong four times a week. Maine doesn’t know this, she thought that maybe BTS living together is a hoax because Hoseok is just present there all the time.

 In contradiction to Maine’s original plans, she doesn’t know why she's still there. She told herself that she’ll only stay for days, 3 days being the maximum, but it’s already been a week and she’s still there. Two weeks into being roommates, she found herself waiting for Hoseok to get home even if she’s not sure if he’s going to sleep there that night. Hoseok helped her a lot, from changing her number, to stocking up food in the apartment just so she can eat when he’s not there, to giving her the password to anything -- his apartment (although she won’t go out), his Netflix account and everything that she can use in the apartment.

 The front door opened and Hoseok entered, both of them instantly smiling at each other the moment their eyes met. “Hey! You’re home. I made Kimchi stew.” Hoseok hid his surprise, his gaze softening as Maine stood up from the couch and went to the kitchen to prepare the dining table. “Ya! Why? You really didn’t have to.” He said, still suppressing his happiness.

 “I just felt an itch to cook, so here we are.” She placed a bowl of Kimchi stew and rice in front of Hoseok. They became comfortable with each other now, sitting next to each other while eating instead of being on both ends of the table. Hoseok took a sip of the stew, his eyes immediately landing on Maine again, “Is it required in your family to be good cooks?” The girl chuckled, “No. That’s just me and Seokjin. It was our hobby when we were still kids.”

 “Don’t you miss your family?” Hoseok asked, still having no idea why Maine is trying to run away from them. “No. Seokjin, maybe, but the rest, no.” Maine put a spoonful of rice in her mouth, “It’s kinda funny -- that I ran into you and you’re Seokjin’s bandmate.” Hoseok just smiled, “Don’t you want him to know that you’re with me?”

 “No..” She started playing with her food, lost in thought again, “I guess he doesn’t know that I ran away, because if he did, he’ll go find me.” Hoseok stopped eating and focused on Maine instead, “To return you to your family?” Maine just smiled, “No, I know Seokjin. He wouldn’t make me do anything that I don’t want.”

 “Is your family making you do something that you don’t want?” Hoseok innocently asked. Maine stared at him, she wanted to tell him everything that’s bothering her -- from her childhood up to the reason why she is running away, but she can’t, not now. “I’m not yet ready to talk about it. Not opening up to people, I think that’s my habit.” She bit her lower lip and looked down.

 Hoseok put his arm around her, rubbing her shoulder, “It’s okay if you’re not yet ready, but habit is also a dangerous thing. Change is good once in a while. Talk to me when you want to or don’t. Do whatever you want. You’re free here.” Reassuring her with a smile and a gentle tap on her back.

 Maine can’t help but look at him again. It’s the first time that someone treated her this good, great even, even if he doesn’t know anything about her. For the first time, she wanted to open up. For the first time in ages, she felt like someone could understand her. “Hoseok,” she said, almost close to a whisper. He just looked at her and raised his eyebrow as if asking what she needed.

 “Can I hug you?” She asked, but spoke again, “You know what, I don’t need your permission.” And just like that, she hugged him tight, as if she’s holding on for her dear life. Hoseok huffed into a smile and hugged her back, “Stubborn.” He whispered.

 She pulled away from the hug, her eyebrows furrowing. Hoseok was quick to pull her again to another hug, “But I did not say that I don’t like it. I mean, just keep doing you. I like you here anyway,” Hoseok stuttered, “Not that I’m saying that I like you. It’s just.. uhm, you know, happier when you’re here. But I did not say that you cannot go if you wan--”

 Maine gave him a peck on the lips, “Too much information. TMI. TMI.” She teased, making Hoseok laugh even if he feels shy already. His head is over the clouds because of the kiss, making him smile as if there’s no tomorrow.

 “Hey, I’m driving home to Gwangju tomorrow. Do you want to come with me?” Hoseok asked, hope evident on his face. “That’s your province?” Hoseok just nodded. “Of course. I’m bummed here.” She answered, giving him a soft smile.

 ~

 The next morning, Maine is the first one to come out of her room along with her things. Hoseok wants to spend at least five days in Gwangju and she will just tag along. While waiting for him to come out, she decided to finally open her Facebook account after weeks of not logging in just so she could ignore the messages from her parents. As soon as she opened it, the messages kept on popping up. As expected, her parents did not stop messaging her until late last night.

 Eomma: Do you really think that we can’t find you? Baby, come home, before things get out of hand.

Eomma: We just want a great future for you. This will be the best for all of us, especially for you. Don’t you get it?

Eomma: Your father is already furious. This has been going on for so long, Charmaine. Come home.

 Hoseok suddenly went out of his room, carrying his own things and grabbing his car keys before heading to the door, “Let’s go?” He opened the door for Maine and followed her outside. Maine took one last glance on her mother’s message to her and typed a quick reply.

 Charmaine: No.

 She quickly logged off and followed Hoseok to the elevator, flashing him a wide smile because he really looks excited to go home to his hometown. Hoseok is wearing something that he would wear in airports, complete with his face mask. “You look good,” Maine commented as they entered the elevator. “You’re not so bad either,” Hoseok replied. The elevator door closed and they were enveloped in silence, Maine thinking about what or who awaits her on Gwangju.

 “Are your parents there?” She asked. “Yup,” Hoseok nodded and looked at her, “Why? Are you scared of them?” Maine shook her head, “No. At this point, I’m scared of being left alone here.” The elevator door opened to the ground floor.

 Maine stopped on her tracks, looking at the guy standing outside the elevator, “Why are you two together?” Seokjin asked with his eyebrows furrowed. Maine instantly grabbed his arm, running to the corner, Seokjin repeatedly saying, “Ya! Ya! Ya! Answer me!” Hoseok followed the two of them, hiding with them in the mailbox room of the building.

 “Seokjin, I swear, please, don’t rat me out.” Maine pouted in front of Seokjin, continuously brushing both of her hands against each other. Seokjin gave her a flick on the forehead, “They’ve been looking for you for weeks and you’re with Hoseok?!” Hoseok’s eyes widened, “You knew she was missing, hyung?” He asked.

 “Of course, I knew! Her parents thought I was keeping her with me, but here she is with you.” Seokjin’s frustration is evident in his voice, he looked at Maine again, “Charmaine. You better tell me why they are looking for you and why did you run away from them.” Maine’s eyes went back to Hoseok then to Seokjin then to Hoseok again.

 “Seokjin, Hoseok doesn’t know yet.. Please, just let me tell him first. I swear, I’ll call you after.” Maine pleaded, Seokjin sighed and hugged her, “I really thought you were missing. I went by your house, that’s why I’m here, because I thought about visiting Hoseok too.” Seokjin finally noticed the bags that the two are holding, “Where are you two going?”

 “To Gwangju.” Hoseok answered, Seokjin getting a little confused. “Are you two dating? Are you gonna let her meet your parents?” The two are quick to deny, “No!” They both said, “We’re not.” Seokjin laughed teasingly and kissed Maine’s forehead, “You’re really hard-headed. Take care. Call me as soon as you can.”

 Maine raised her pinky finger in front of Seokjin. He smirked and laced his pinky finger with hers, “Yes, I won’t tell.” Maine flashed her genuine smile and hugged Seokjin again, “I miss you so much, Seokjinnie.” Seokjin laughed and pushed her gently, “Okay, stop saying things I wanted to hear just so I won’t tell your parents that I found you. Go now.”

 Seokjin calls Hoseok again before they leave the mailbox room, “Hoseok, take care of her.” Hoseok just raised his thumb up and went out with Maine. The two walked to Hoseok’s car quietly, Maine avoiding his gaze.

 Hoseok is still quiet as he was driving to Gwangju. Maine kept fiddling with her fingers, “Hoseok, I’m Dong Charmaine.” Hoseok gave her a side glance, “Hi, I’m Jung Hoseok.” He answered playfully, making it light for Maine if she wanted to finally share what’s happening in her life.

 Maine chuckled, “All my life, my parents decided for me. From what I should wear, how I should act, who should be my friends, where I should study -- but I really didn’t want any of it. I always stayed away from them, living almost my entire teenage life in a dorm. Until I can’t stand it anymore.” Hoseok nodded, as if saying he understands, then asked her the most difficult question for her to answer, “Why?”

 Honestly, it was easy to tell him the truth. Was. It’s hard now because she already has these feelings that she shouldn’t have, not when she’s still planning to leave him after this Gwangju trip.

 “My parents wanted me to marry a man I’ve never even met. I mean, I met him, formally, but not really.. get to know him.” She confessed. Hoseok’s eyes widened, “But Anna, you can’t marry a man that you just met.” Hoseok jokes, although Maine can see that he is already faking his smile.

 “I don’t want to marry him. They told me that the marriage has been arranged ever since I was fifteen! I’ve had enough. This is my forever we’re talking about, not just some pesky part of their business deals!” Maine crossed her arms in frustration, her eyebrows almost close together because of her scrunched forehead.

 Hoseok pulled one of her arms, held her hand and kissed the back of it, “I know we don’t have anything established right now, but I’m sure as hell that I don’t want you marrying someone you don’t even know.” Maine looked at him endearingly, biting the inside of her lower lip to hold back the pout that she was about to do, “Thank you.” She mumbled.

 Hoseok’s eyes were focused on the road, “Nah. Thank yourself. You’re too lovable to give away just like that.”

 ~

 “Your house is surprisingly… average-sized.” Maine commented as they both got out of the car. Hoseok just smiled, “It’s nice to keep your roots as it is. It feels like home more for me.” He winked at her, “Let’s go in?”

 Maine breathed deeply before walking with him, “What if they think that I’m your girlfriend?” She asked again before Hoseok entered the house, “So? I’d love to have you as my girlfriend.” He smiled again with his ever infectious smile that makes everything brighter in this dark world for Maine. She did not get the chance to answer because Hoseok already opened the door, “Eomma!” She heard him say, then he rushed to hug his parents.

 She stopped by the door frame, Hoseok greeted his parents cheerily and for a moment, she found herself smiling. If only her parents are like this, she thought. Hoseok immediately pulled her inside after hugging his parents, introducing her as Seokjin’s cousin who’s crashing at his place for a while. Maine is already preparing her answer to the question ‘Why is she crashing with you?’, but she heard a different question instead.

 “And you’re not dating?” Hoseok’s father asked, smiling sheepishly at his own son. Hoseok and Maine just smiled at each other. Hoseok doesn’t want to pressure her to anything yet, despite his heart having hopes because of a simple kiss. Maine, on the other hand, feels very impulsive when it comes to Hoseok, never really planning on what to do and what to say next to him. It just naturally comes out, “Maybe, we’ll date in the near future.. if he asks?” She suddenly answered while looking at him which made Hoseok eyes widen.

 Hoseok’s mother smiled, tapping her son’s shoulder, “Your father doing it for you, sweetie.” She teased, making Maine laugh. Maine is never really that comfortable around people, her anxiety always getting the best of her. Hoseok feels different, even his family. They just radiate so much positive energy which makes her heart feel warm and at ease. Hoseok’s parents stood up and made their way to the kitchen, telling the two that they will prepare the lunch table so they can eat.

 Hoseok led her to Jiwoo’s room along with her things, “You can stay here for the week. Jiwoo-noona’s on a business trip anyway. Just don’t touch her things, okay?” Maine nodded and walked inside, “I’ll arrange my things here first.” She said and was about to close the door when Hoseok stopped it from closing, “The thing you said back there..” Maine stared at him, “What? Which one?” Hoseok cleared his throat, “The one about dating in the near future?” Maine bit her lip to suppress her smile, “Yeah, what about it?” She crossed her arm and leaned on the door frame, closing the gap between them. “I was wondering if the near future can be now?” Hoseok asked.

 Maine chuckled, feeling her heart thumping on her own chest, “Okay, Hoseok.” She smiled at him and Hoseok can’t contain his happiness, stomping on the floor and smiling that reaches his eyes, “Really?” Maine just nodded, pulling him into a hug. She buried her face on his neck, then she felt Hoseok hugging her tighter. “I wouldn’t miss dating you for the world.” She murmured, Hoseok kissing the top of her head.

 “When did we become this sweet?” Hoseok asked. Maine pretended that she was thinking, drumming her fingers on her jaw, “Hmm. Maybe after I ranted about how shitty my life is and how I am a mess and you still accepted me.” He just nodded and pulled away from the hug, “You can be homeless and have tattered clothes and I’ll still accept you.”

 “Hoseok, I am homeless.” Maine laughed at her own joke, considering that she really ran away from her house. Hoseok cupped her face, “Not anymore.” Maine couldn’t help but smile at him again. This might be the first time in a while that she’s been smiling a lot. “I’m going to help them set the table first, I’ll call you when we can eat already.”

 Maine nodded and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Hoseok before closing the door. She leaned on the back of the door, clutching on her chest. Whenever Hoseok is in front of her, she wants nothing but to just be with him and say yes to him to anything. Now that she’s alone again, she started thinking again about how she can’t stay in one place because they will surely find her.

 How does she leave now? How does she leave him now? How will she find a reason to leave now when Hoseok is slowly becoming her reason for everything?

 ~

 On their third day in Gwangju, Hoseok suddenly entered Maine’s room, jolting her awake. “Fuck, what?” She mumbled while hugging one of Jiwoo’s pillows. Hoseok laughed and went beside her, “Look at my girlfriend being the sweetest ever. Saying ‘fuck’ to me first thing in the morning.” He teased. Maine smiled while her eyes still closed, “I’m sorry, you shocked me.”

 “Forgiven, but get up. Let’s go to Gwangju Family Land!” Hoseok said, making Maine turn and face him, “The amusement park? Let’s go!” Maine got up and went straight to the bathroom. Hoseok pouted while thinking that she forgot his morning kisses. He stood up also and headed for the door when the bathroom door opened and Maine wrapped her arms on his neck and kissed him on the cheek, “Good morning!” She ran back to the bathroom and closed the door again.

 Hoseok smiled to himself, thinking about how much Maine changed from the day they met. She’s literally gloomy when they first met, but now, it just feels like she radiated sunshine too.

 Before going to the amusement park, Hoseok wanted to grab lunch first since it’s already noon and they haven’t even eaten breakfast yet. While Hoseok is busy ordering their food, Maine stayed inside the car to call Seokjin. She used Hoseok’s phone just to be safe, Seokjin picking up on the third ring.

 “Hoba,” Seokjin said on the other line. “It’s me,” Maine said. “Ya, Charmaine! I’ve been waiting for three days, brat.” She knows that Seokjin’s eyebrows are furrowed which made her chuckle at the thought, “I’m sorry, Seokjinnie. This is the most fun I’ve had ever since we were little.” She said, suddenly opening up about another thing, “I think I really have strong feelings for Hoseok, Jin.”

 Seokjin sighed on the other line, “This is why I can’t understand you, Charmaine. You know you can’t stay in one place, right? Our family’s been there before, besides, I love both you and Hoseok and if that feelings turn into something more, it will become complicated.” Maine massaged her temples and closed her eyes, she knows Seokjin is right. “We’re dating,” she mumbled.

 “I can literally smack your head right now, Dong Charmaine!” Seokjin said in frustration. “Now that you’re dating, what do you plan to do? Do you plan on leaving him? Charmaine, I’m telling you I’m straight up pissed right now. I try my best to not include my bandmates in any family drama we have!”

 “Oppa, I don’t know. I wanted to leave him, but I can’t find a reason to. He makes me happy, and I feel good about myself. I feel like I’m worth keeping.” Maine explained, Seokjin stared into blank space because he knew it’s serious when Charmaine started calling him ‘oppa’ -- she almost never did. “Charmaine, it’s not love if it only makes you feel good about yourself. It’s love if it makes you feel good about yourself AND it makes you feel good because the other one is happy too. It should never be one sided. Am I making sense?” Seokjin asked for confirmation.

 “I get it, oppa. I just.. love it every time he’s around, you know? I waited for him every night to come home when we were staying in Seungso-Dong. I don’t want to marry another man, oppa, please..” Maine bit her lip, preventing the sob to come out again. Seokjin knows how much she doesn’t like this. He knows that Maine compromises as much as she can, but he thinks she can’t compromise this one anymore, causing her to run away from home.

 “I just don’t want you and Hoseok to hurt each other. You understand that, right? I’ll try to find a way to get around this shitty thing they’re trying to do. Just hide with him for the meantime.” He comfortingly said -- his mind going haywire on what can he do to make it right for the two, “Who do they want you to marry anyway?”

 “Choi Dong Woo.” She answered, Seokjin gasping on the other line but is surely overreacting it, “That guy’s horrible! I met him at some gatherings though. All he can talk about is business, money.. and you!” Shocked by what Seokjin said, she asked him again, “Me? He likes me?”

 “Yeah, since forever, but I know the guy, Charmaine. I went with him for a few afterparty drinks before, he’s not your type. Besides, I think he’ll always be dominant with you. Just stay with Hoseok.” Seokjin said, making Maine laugh, “You’re biased! Anyway, I don’t really like him, oppa. The first time we met in his house, the first thing he did was to invite me to his.. room. The nerve.”

 There it is, Seokjin’s windshield wiper laugh, “What the fuck!” He commented, still laughing out loud, “He’s not even slick. Fine, I get it. I get why you don’t want this.” Maine saw Hoseok going out of the restaurant and walking to the car, “Hoseok’s out of the restaurant, I need to go.” She said to Seokjin while laughing with him.

 “Take care, you two! I’ll update you through Hoseok’s phone on what I can do for you.” Seokjin said his goodbyes and hung up. Hoseok opened the door on the driver’s side, entering the car with a bag of food. “Gourmet food to eat at the car, a new thing to me.” He said. “Aren’t we quite the romantic ones?” Maine commented, Hoseok kissing her cheek before bringing out the food from the bags.

 ~

 Upon entering Gwangju Family Land, the first thing they did was to buy cute headbands, Maine laughing and joking if Hoseok is trying to copy Weightlifting Fairy, Kim Bok Joo. After that they went on with the rides, Hoseok not wanting to try anything extreme while Maine wants to do everything extreme. “If you want to try everything that’s extreme, I’ll let you go with Jungkook next time!” Hoseok said, pulling her to the carousel.

 Maine pouted, “Jungkook likes extreme rides? Maybe he should be my boyfriend.” She joked, but she saw Hoseok having a creased forehead. The next thing she knew, he was already pulling her to the highest roller coaster on the park. Maine couldn’t hide her smile as they sit on the ride, “We can still go out, you know.” She said while Hoseok is grabbing her hand to hold. “Let’s just do it.”

 The coaster started moving, slowly at first, which made Hoseok open his eyes and look at how high they are getting at. Just as when he’s about to say how pretty it is from this high up, the coaster suddenly dropped, making Hoseok shriek and Maine laughing out loud because of him. Hoseok gripped on Maine’s hand hard and gripped on the safety bar harder. He did not stop shouting until the ride was over, Maine’s eyes welling up with tears at how hard she laughed.

 “It’s dark already,” Maine said while they’re eating tteokboki from one of the food stands, “Maybe we should go to the ferris wheel already? Or you don’t want that because it’s too high up?” She asked, wiping the sauce that smudged on Hoseok’s side lips. Hoseok stopped to think for a while, then just said, “No, let’s do it.”

 They were holding hands for the whole day, even when they were still in the car, even when they’re in the rides. Hoseok immediately sat down after entering the ferris wheel. He wrapped his arm around Maine’s shoulder as they went higher. The ferris wheel completes 2 rotations until it slows down so everyone gets to stop on top.

 “You’ve been brave today,” Maine said while holding Hoseok’s hand that is dangling on her shoulder. They were at the top that time, looking down on the pretty lights of the amusement park and Gwangju. “Why?” Hoseok asked. “Well, for one, you tried all the extreme rides with me..” She chuckled.

 Hoseok smiled at her, “You make me feel brave, and I’ll brave anything for you.” Maine looked at him when she saw that he’s already looking at her. “When I said that I don’t want you marrying a man you never even met, I actually meant I don’t want you marrying someone who isn’t me.”

 Maine bit her lip and smiled, “Now, you’re really getting brave.” Hoseok attached his lips to her at that moment, not caring anymore if they’re high up and he’s goddamned scared. He found what scares him the most, and that’s losing her. Hoseok was already pulling her to straddle his lap, but Maine pulled away. “Not here,” she said.

 “Tease,” He shot back and kissed her forehead.

 The make out session in the car was not like anything else they’ve done before. It ached that they were sitting on their chairs respectively. It ached that they are not as close as they wanted to be. Maine pulled away to catch her breath, whispering while her face was buried on Hoseok’s neck, “Just drive home, please..” Hoseok nodded and immediately drove the car out to the driveway.

 Maine was busy playing with one of Hoseok’s hands while he was driving back home. She thinks this is the first time she saw him drive that fast, making her giggle. “You’re handsome,” she said, intertwining her hand with his. She stared at Hoseok while he’s driving, his hair slightly disheveled into a brush up, his lips slightly parted as he smirked. “Stop checking me out, or I’ll check you out.” Hoseok flirtingly jokes.

 “Hoseok, please do. Be my guest.” Maine fired back. Hoseok hastily parked his car in their garage, pulling Maine out of the car. They quietly entered the house, still holding hands, then they came to the hallway wherein Jiwoo’s room door is just across Hoseok’s. They both stared at it, but Hoseok is the first one to react, carrying Maine to his room. 

 He leaned Maine’s body on the back of the door to close it, attacking her lips and kissing her roughly than before. Maine automatically wrapped her arms around his neck, grasping on his hair at the back of his head. Hoseok trailed wet kisses to her jaw, down to her neck, and gently settled her on his bed. He removed Maine’s top, his top following hers on the floor right after.

 “We did not even open the lights,” Maine whispered while Hoseok is busy sucking a hickey below her right collarbone. His kiss trailed upward again, now on the side of her neck, while he’s working the button of her pants to take them off, “Why? You want to see me?” Hoseok asked, pulling her pants off her legs.

 Maine chuckled, “How do I check you out properly if it’s this dark?” Hoseok switched on the bedside lamp, crawling back on top of Maine, “I didn’t know you’re this naughty.” Maine pulled Hoseok’s pants downwards too, her feet tucking on its sides to finish taking them off him, “I didn’t know you’re this sexy too,” she commented, pushing Hoseok’s back on the bed and going on top of him. She stared at how perfectly lean Hoseok’s body is. Everything just seems to be buffed in the right amount and place.

 She caught his lips again, her right hand palming his clothed cock while her left hand enjoys his muscular bicep. Hoseok massaged her breasts, smiling while kissing her, “You’re wet,” he said, feeling her wetness on his thigh. Maine pulled his boxers down until she could fully grasp on his cock, already wet with pre-cum. She stroked it fast while kissing Hoseok’s neck.

 Hoseok doesn’t know where he wants to touch her the longest. Should he play with her breasts more because he absolutely loves them or should he go downwards now? Of course, he went downwards. His index finger played with her clit, not bothering to take off her underwear. “You’re so wet, babe.” He mumbled under his breath. “Do we have the patience for foreplay?” He asked.

 Maine stopped kissing him and looked him straight in his eyes, “No. No, we don’t have that, babe.” She pouted which made Hoseok laugh. “Push yourself up,” he said while lining himself on her entrance. Maine just swiped her underwear to the side without removing it and slowly sinks herself to Hoseok’s dick, “Shit, this is so hot.” Her breathing hitches, while Hoseok slowly bottoms out.

 In no time, both of them are moving gently. Although the stretch is new to Maine, she can’t say that it’s not good, gods, she loves it. When the pace got too comfortable to them, Hoseok flipped her over again, her back now on the bed and rammed faster into her. Maine’s back arched in pleasure, her moans filling the room. Hoseok was quick to drown it with a kiss, then his right hand snaked downwards to rub her clit without faltering his pace.

 “Babe, shh. My parents will hear us,” Hoseok said while silently laughing, which made Maine laugh too. “How.. do you.. expect.. me.. to shut.. up.. when, fuck, you’re this good?” She breathlessly answered, holding onto both his biceps and squeezing hard. She’s definitely losing it. She knew Hoseok is BTS’ best dancer, and she didn’t know that it will be a main factor during sex because she swears that he’s hitting a different spot with those smooth hip thrusts that he has.

 Hoseok’s breathing is already ragged, “Can I cum inside?” He softly asked. She nodded vigorously, “I’ll hate you if you don’t cum inside.” She said. That was it for Hoseok. He came as soon as he heard those words, pushing himself as deep as he could. He felt Maine bit on his shoulder, cumming also with him.

 He landed on top of her, breathing heavily. She just wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back. “You definitely made a mess on my underwear,” she whispered.

 “We did that,” Hoseok answered, pulling out of her and lying beside her. Maine turned to her side to face him, “I think that was the best I’ve ever had.” She whispered again. Hoseok smiled while looking at the ceiling, “I think that was my best too.” He faced her too, “Or maybe that was my best because I did it with someone I love.” Hoseok smiled at her, brushing the stray strands of her hair away from her face.

 Maine smiled too and gently shook her head, “I love you too.”

 ~

 “Be back soon, okay?” Hoseok’s mother hugged Maine. Hoseok walked out of the room with his bag, catching sight of the two, making him smile. “Eomma, stop forgetting your son!” He joked and hugged his mother too. Maine walked to the side, Hoseok’s father standing beside her, “See you soon, then?” Hoseok’s father asked her. “Of course. Thank you for welcoming me here.” Hoseok’s father gave her a brief hug also before walking her to the front door.

 Maine waited for Hoseok outside as he said his goodbye to his parents. He knows that it might be long again before he comes home, considering the schedule that he has with BTS. After kissing his mother and hugging his father, he went to Maine and off they go to Seoul again.

 The two of them bought a lot of snacks just so they would not run out until they reached Seoul. Hoseok’s mostly doing the talking, asking Maine questions about her life. Maine, on the other hand, always finds herself staring at Hoseok. She’s busy thinking about how she will leave him when he is always providing reasons for her not to go.

 Hoseok held her hand and smiled at her. “How can you eat your chips if you’re going to hold my hand?” Maine asked. Hoseok bit his lip, his gaze still focused on the road, his left hand held to the steering wheel, “You can always feed me, babe.” Maine shook her head while smiling, “Okay, babe.” Shock is evident on Hoseok’s face, “Jinjja? You just called me babe!” He can’t help but smile even wider. “We’re dating. Is it bad to call you that too?” Maine asked. Hoseok pulled her hand to his lips again to kiss it, “No! No! Call me that always!”

 ~

 Hoseok and Maine are holding hands while walking to the lobby of Hoseok’s apartment. Both of them have their backpacks and are laughing as they enter the lobby. Maine saw the men first and pulled Hoseok behind the nearest big plant. She leaned on the wall and hugged Hoseok to cover her. She felt her heart drop to her stomach, pounding like it was going to go out of her body.

 “Babe, we can do this in the apartment..” Hoseok whispered, not aware that there are suspicious looking guys near the elevator. “Shush,” Maine covered Hoseok’s mouth. “I think my parents sent those men. Don’t let them notice that you’re looking.” Maine said before removing her hands from Hoseok.

 Hoseok peeked while standing near the plant, still covering Maine’s body. There are three guys standing near the elevator. All three of them are wearing all black clothes and sunglasses. One of them yawned, accidentally facing Hoseok’s way who’s still staring at them.

 “There!” The first guy shouted. The other two immediately looked at where the first guy was pointing. Hoseok’s eyes widened, Maine pushed him while screaming, “Go! Go! Go!” Hoseok grabbed Maine’s hand, pulling her into a run. Both of them don’t have a plan in mind aside from trying their best not to get caught by those guys.

 Hoseok just kept running even if they were already out of the building. Maine took another glance at the men that were following them. The three are running too, while she just lets Hoseok pull her wherever he wants since she trusts that he knows the area more. “Stop!” One of the men shouted while breathing heavily. The second guy accidentally tripped on the pavement, knocking the other two down with him.

 Hoseok darted into a small alleyway with Maine then took a right turn which led to another road. He suddenly saw a cab and hailed it. Hoseok pushed Maine inside, “I’ll see you later. Go for now.” He did not wait for Maine to answer, he just closed the door and ran to another alleyway.

 Hoseok decided to go around the building so he can pass through the private door that he uses when he doesn’t want anyone seeing him. When he reached his apartment floor, he let out a heavy sigh, as if he was holding his breath since the incident. He entered his apartment and sat on the couch, rubbing his temples out of frustration. He stared at the ceiling, thinking about where did Maine go and how empty his apartment feels without her here. He sent her a quick text that says ‘Call me as soon as possible.’.

 Maine got out of the cab after paying the driver. She stood in front of a cheap looking hotel that should suffice for a few nights before she moves again. Her chest feels heavy -- heavy from the fear she felt earlier and heavy that she has to leave Hoseok without even saying a proper goodbye. The reception area is quite dark, only one girl manning the desk.

 “For three nights, please.” She said. The girl just nodded before asking, “What room?” Maine bit her lip, looking for some guide, “Uhh, whichever is available?” The girl just nodded again and gave her the key to her room.

 Once she’s settled, she immediately calls Hoseok. “Yoboseyo? Where are you? Are you okay?” Hoseok said, his questions piling up as soon as he picked up. “Hey, I’m okay.” Maine answered. Hoseok sighed, “Do you want me to pick you up there?” Maine closed her eyes, preparing herself to reject him, “No.. no. Just.. don’t.”

 “Do we have a problem?” Hoseok asked. Maine sounded passive, as if she doesn’t want to talk to him when he’s been worried sick. “No, we don’t. Just don’t reach out to me, okay?” Maine stated, trying her best not to let the tears fall.

 “Don’t reach out to you? How will I not do that? I’m worried!” Hoseok felt shocked, rejected and annoyed all at once. How can she stop him from reaching out to her when they’re perfectly okay the morning before this shit happened?

 Maine sighed. This is not easy for her either when all she wanted was to run to him and just cuddle with him until she forgets that she wasn’t meant to stay there. “Hoseok, I think it’s not safe for us to be together right now.” She can’t help but still be soft when it comes to him. “They saw me with you, and I think they know that I’ve been staying with you, considering that they knew you immediately when they saw you.”

 “Are you saying that we can’t see each other?” Hoseok asked. Maine bit her lip, contemplating if she should just end this relationship for good, but what can she do when her heart tells her otherwise? “Only for now, because it isn’t safe.”

 Maine’s inner goddess just laughed at her, mocking her for holding on to something that she’s not even sure if it’s permanent. “Jimin called you a few days ago, right? Asking you to go to Busan?”

 “Yep. That’s right.” Hoseok answered, staring outside his apartment window. “Go there for now. I’m in the outskirts of town. I’m okay here.” Maine instructed. She knows that Hoseok will oppose what she said, “Where are you exactly?” He asked, “I’m worried and you’re telling me to go to Busan!”

 “I’m okay here. Just listen to me, please. I’m a mess right now and I can’t handle everything all at once. I’ll think first. You can meet your friends for the meantime.” She sternly said, making Hoseok ruffle his hair in annoyance. “I’m leaving for the States a few days from now. Come with me.”

 “I’ll think about it.” Maine answered. “I am not asking you if you’re going with me. I said, come with me. I’m not leaving you alone here in Korea.” Hoseok said, finality evident in his tone.

 Maine sighed for the nth time that day, “As long as you go to Busan for the meantime so they don’t bother you.” Hoseok leaned on his window, “And you’re coming with me to the States?” Maine knew it’s a deal that he’s asking for, “Okay.”

 Hoseok nodded even if Maine can’t see him, “I’ll see you in a few days, babe. I’ll send you the details. I’ll buy your ticket. I love you.” He bravely said. Maine passively answered, “Yeah, okay. Me too.”

 She hung up.

 ~

 Jungkook and Hobi are sitting at Jimin’s living room couch in his family house in Busan. They’ve been waiting for Jimin since afternoon. It’s dark now and Jimin is still outside. When Jimin arrived, the two quickly tackled him and flicked his forehead a bunch of times.

 “Ya! Stop that boys! It’s time for dinner!” Jimin’s mother shouted from the kitchen. Jimin quickly pushed Jungkook and Hoseok away from him and ran to the kitchen. “Eomma, they’re hurting me!” Jimin said before sitting on one of the dining chairs, the two boys following him right after.

 Jungkook brought out the liquors they bought on their way to Jimin’s house. The three of them decided to meet up even if it’s Bangtan’s 1 month vacation at the moment. In Hoseok’s case, he wasn’t supposed to go if it wasn’t for Maine’s request for him to get out of Seoul for the meantime. Jimin technically begged the two to hang out with him in Busan just so he would not be in his coffee shop all the time.

 “Jimin-ssi, where have you been?” Hoseok asked Jimin while opening the first bottle of soju. “I was at Coffee Park.” They clinked their bottles and took their first gulp.

 “Your mother said that you were with a girl.” Jungkook declared with an accusing tone. Jimin pinched Jungkook’s cheek in reply, “Aigoo, is my Jungkookie jealous? I still love Jikook, don’t worry.” He joked. “Aish! I won’t find myself a girlfriend because all the girls are thinking that I’m with you!” Jungkook playfully punches his arm.

 “Yes, I was with a girl.” Jimin confessed. “I just met her a while ago.” Hoseok turned his head, suddenly more interested in this conversation as he knows that Jimin doesn’t want to meet anyone at the moment.

 “And?” Both Jungkook and Hoseok asked.

 “And, I think I don’t need the two of you here anymore.” Jimin answered.

 “Aaaah!! You’re so mean!” Hoseok placed his hand on top of his heart, acting really hurt. “Tell us what she’s like.” The sudden mood change made Jimin laugh.

 “Well, for one, she doesn’t know BTS, but she knows the song Euphoria.” Jimin looked at Jungkook and mocked him. “This maknae gets everyone!!” He ranted. “But really, she doesn’t know BTS. I like it.. I mean, I like that she treats me normally. I miss that feeling. That feeling that people just treat me as Jimin. I only get that when I’m here at home, that’s why I’m always longing for home. It feels like I don’t need to put my walls up, and I can just be myself.”

 “So you like her?” Jungkook asked. “On the first day of meeting her?!” Jimin jokingly raised his voice, “You don’t decide that you like someone on the first day, Kook!” He added.

 “Ya! You never decide on these things, you just feel it.” Hoseok interrupted Jimin and Jungkook. “I’m telling you, guys. The time you’ve known her doesn’t matter, let alone the way she treats you. If you like her, you like her.” He told the two maknaes, thinking about how he doesn’t understand Maine at first, but his curiosity got the best of him.

 When he saw her being vulnerable in front of him, all he ever wanted was to shield her from whatever harm that’s coming her way. When she decided to stay in his apartment, he was more than happy to let her, completely feeling excited whenever he’s going home to his apartment. When he took her to his parents’ house, he felt that contentment when he saw that Maine got along with his parents well. When they got back from Gwangju and they were chased by those men, he just wanted to keep running until he knew she’s safe. What’s more surprising is that even if she talks passively to him, as if rejecting him on the last phone call that they had, his feelings did not change. He still wants to protect her and keep her safe.

 Hoseok is drowning in his thoughts until Jungkook tapped his shoulder, “Woooow. That’s really deep, Hobi-hyung! Too bad, I’m only excited right now for the tattoos I’m planning to ink on my arm!” Jungkook exclaimed.

 “If that’s the case, Hobi-hyung, maybe I like her.” Jimin sighed. Hoseok tapped his shoulder, telling him comforting words. “If it’s meant to be, Jimin, then you have nothing to worry about.” He said. “Same to you, Jungkook.”

 “What? I’m not interested in anyone right now!” Jungkook defended, making Hoseok and Jimin laugh. They both knew that Jungkook has a crush on Lexi for the longest time now.

 ~

When Hoseok saw Maine at the airport, she just gently nodded and headed the same direction he’s going. The two of them already talked about this. They will be in a safe distance away from each other to not attract the public eye. Maine didn’t like the idea at first, but the separation with Hoseok got her thinking about how she wanted to just run back to him. It also occurred to her that her family might not think that she can go out of the country.

 This is the safest option for her now, and the one that she likes the most.

 The two of them settled on seats next to each other in the business class. Hoseok held her hand under the blanket that she placed on top of her legs. When no one else was around, Hoseok kissed the top of her head. “How are you?”

 “I’m fine. Just a little worried and paranoid, that’s all.” She answered, feeling the urge to apologize for the way she acted on their last phone call. She knew that Hoseok seemed to be a very happy person outside, but deep down, he craved for love too. He needed the sunshine too.

 The apology never got out of her mouth. She fell into a deep slumber in the flight, the first comfortable one she had for the week. It felt comfortable that she’s away from the problem she’s running from, even more comfortable because Hoseok is with her.

 When she woke up, she saw Hoseok sleeping while facing her. She let out a deep sigh, thinking how can she deserve Hoseok in this life. She brought a thumb to his cheek, slowly rubbing it while staring at him. They still have 3 hours left on the flight, and might as well appreciate the love of her life.

 Hoseok suddenly smiled even with his eyes closed and grabbed Maine’s hand on his cheek. He planted a soft kiss on her palms and pulled her closer so he can at least hug her arm. Maine smiled at the sweet gesture which led her to kiss his cheek and whisper, “I love you, Hoseok.”

 “I love you too, babe.” Hoseok whispered back, still not opening his eyes. “Now, get some more sleep because the timezone is different there.” He commanded sweetly. Maine refused to close her eyes and continued staring, “I know that. I just want to look at your face longer.”

 “Ya! Stop that.” Hoseok answered, finally opening his eyes while laughing. “If you don’t want to sleep, I will transfer on your side so we’ll squeeze each other over there.” He was about to stand up when Maine pulled him again to lie down. “Fine. Fine. Let’s sleep. I love you again, babe.” She chuckled and kissed him again before closing her eyes.

 ~

 Their stay in the States is definitely one of Maine’s favorites in her life.. ever. It felt good that she knows she’s far from the people who want to give her to another family. It felt good that she’s with Hoseok. It felt good that for the past week, even if Hoseok was busy with his work (which is shooting Chicken Noodle Soup), they’ve been doing the bare minimums that couples do.

 She’s been cooking for Hoseok, waiting for him to come home, doing their skin care routines together, tucking each other to sleep, exhausting all the sweet nothings that they want to say on each others’ ears and catching up on everything they want to know about each other’s lives before they met.

 Hoseok hugged her from behind while they were lying on the bed. “Babe, what are you thinking about?” He asked. Maine turned around so they could talk face to face, “Hmm, I’m thinking about how I’m happy right now and how long will it last.”

 “It will last because we will last. I just want you to be happy for the rest of our lives.” Hoseok replied, pinching her cheek and smiling reassuringly at her. Maine felt her heart tug on her chest, “I want to apologize.. for being.. cold, sometimes, you know? Everything just gets in my head and I can’t handle it.”

 “That’s why I’m here. You can let go through me. You tell me anything. Remember when I told you that the world is not as bad as you think?” He asked. Maine nodded and smiled at him, “Yeah. I remember that. It’s not as bad as I think because there’s you in it. I don’t know what I would do without you.” She confessed.

 Living with him makes her realize a lot of things. She realized that everything will be okay in the end and she wants him in her life for as long as she can have him. “I’m sorry if I lack sometimes in loving you.” Maine said, almost close to a whisper.

 “What are you saying you’re lacking? We’ve got years ahead of us. Don’t say that.” Hoseok said and pulled her closer to a hug. “Sleep tight now because our flight is early tomorrow. Where do you want to stay when we go back to Korea?”

 “Hmmmm.” She was thinking hard when Hoseok spoke again, “Do you want to stay in Gwangju? So you’ll get to know your in-laws more.” He teased, making the both of them giggle. “I want you to remember that whatever problem you’ll have now, I’ll be here for you. I got you in the highs and in the lows.” He said while planting soft kisses all over her face.

 “One of these days, I have to face my family again. I wonder if they’ll accept my refusal to marry another person because I want to be married to you.” Maine nonchalantly said. Hoseok’s eyes widened, “Is that your proposal to me? Do you think I’m that easy?” He teased.

 “Fine. Give me away then.” Maine answered, pulling away from him and turning around. Hoseok laughed and pulled her back, “I’m just joking! When do you want to get married?”

 ~

 Maine decided to accept Hoseok’s offer for her to stay in Gwangju. It was quite awkward at first--staying with Hoseok’s parents without Hoseok there, but as time go by, Maine felt at ease in their home. She loved how Hoseok’s parents treated her as their own. She loved how they can joke and laugh around the house whenever they do something together. Even if Hoseok’s not there, she never felt the gap because his parents always filled her with warmth.

 She always stays at the front porch at night, talking to Hoseok over the phone and just updating each other on what happened for the day. “Your mom made rice cakes, it’s the best that I’ve tasted!” Maine enthusiastically said, making Hoseok laugh. “That’s because you haven’t tasted my rice cakes yet!” He said competitively.

 “Then I should taste them soon! I’m excited to see you… when?” She asked. Hoseok checked his schedule, silently cursing himself for realizing that he doesn’t have time anymore. “Babe, I’m leaving for Bon Voyage in two days and I still have practices in between. Is it okay to just visit you there the week after?” He asked.

 Maine just smiled and nodded, even if Hoseok can’t see it. “Okay, babe. I miss you so much.” Hoseok felt himself getting softer for her. She changed a lot ever since they met and he’s sure as hell not prepared on how sweet she is once comfortable and assured that he’ll always stay with her.

 “I miss you too, Charmaine. See you in the next week! Are you doing okay there?” Hoseok asked. “More than okay! I just wish you were here too, but one of us needs to make a living, right?” She joked, making Hoseok laugh and tease her about her proposal. “Yeah, someone has to.. considering you proposed to me already.” They both laughed. Their marriage became an inside joke for the two of them, even if they both perfectly know that they really want to end up married to each other.

 ~

 Hoseok’s New Zealand trip with BTS is almost coming to an end. He’s always in contact with Maine, but she always tells him to just focus on his trip so he could enjoy himself. Maine never nagged him for anything. She just wants him to enjoy and to not tie him down to her problems.

 Maine received a message from Hoseok that they are walking to their airplane seats at the moment. She smiled when she saw the message early in the morning. This means he’ll arrive around 10 pm, considering that Hoseok will still get dinner with his bandmates. She wants to surprise him once he arrives so she spent the day asking for Hoseok’s mother’s help in baking a cake.

 After baking the cake, she went to the bathroom to wash up before dinner. Hoseok texted Maine that they just landed and he’s not sure if the boys will still grab dinner, also slightly oversharing as he told her that Bangtan is not sure if there will be dinner at home since Taehyung and Lexi are not on good terms. She just replied with an, “Okay! Just tell me if you’re near home already. I miss you!”

 Seokjin and Hoseok are talking at the back of the car while they were on the way home from the airport. “Hoba, I’m not sure if you should keep Charmaine in Gwangju. Remember how her so called fiance called me before we left for New Zealand? I don’t know if he’s had any leads on where she is. I just pretended I didn't know she’s missing.” Hoseok nodded, “Do you have any suggestions where I should take her, hyung?”

 “Don’t you have other places? How about Jungkook’s apartment? He rarely uses it.” Seokjin suggested. “The one near Gail’s apartment? Isn’t that quite near BigHit?” Hoseok thought, Seokjin continued fiddling with his fingers. “Yep, but at least none of us stays in that area, except Yoongi.. and Jungkook, of course. Look, I’ll ask him if you want. Just promise me, Hoseok, that if ever the time comes that her family found her, don’t fight them. Let them get her, then we’ll plan, okay?”

 The car stopped and they got out of the car one by one. Seokjin went beside Jimin as Jimin talked about how lucky Yoongi is for having his girlfriend near him. All of them got inside the house, admiring how delicious the food on the table looked. Hoseok went to his room first to put his luggage there, just picking up the stuff he would give to his parents and Maine.

 He was on his way to the kitchen when he received a text message from Maine. He felt his heart drop to his stomach when he read it.

 “Babe, they found me. Their car is outside and I’m in your room hiding. What should I do? Your parents don’t know why I suddenly ran to your room. I saw the car through the front window. I hope they don’t know. Babe, I’m so scared.”

 “I can’t stay for dinner, guys. I got some errands to do.” Hoseok said, grabbing his car keys and rushes straight through the front door without waiting for the others’ answer.

 “Where did Hoseok go?” Seokjin asked while looking around. He immediately looked for Hoseok when he saw Maine’s message saying that her family found her, but he’s guessing he got a message too. “He said he has errands.” Namjoon answered, getting food from the center. “Aish, I told him not to!” Seokjin left the house immediately without another word.

 Seokjin calls Hoseok immediately, which he picked up, "Hyung.." Seokjin did not waste his time, "Hoseok, I told you not to go to her. This is for her too, and you know that."

 "Hyung, I'm sorry. I can't just let them take her." Then he ended the call. Seokjin punched the wall in frustration, knowing that if the two did not do as asked, it may lead to more chaos.

 Seokjin’s never been so frustrated with both Hoseok and Charmaine.

 ~

 Hoseok drove to Gwangju as fast as he could. He doesn’t know if he’ll make it in time, but he still did his best to make it. When he arrived, it’s already quiet in their house. The lights are already turned off and there’s no car parked outside. Still, he ran to the front door, only to find it locked. He knocked really fast and his mother opened the front door, “Hoseok?”

 “Where’s Maine, eomma?” He immediately asked. “Maine? Her parents came to get her, didn’t she tell you?” His mother answered innocently, not knowing what really is going on. Hoseok sighed in frustration, leaning on the nearest wall to him. “Did they force her?”

 “Force her? No. Maine looked happy going with them. Why, Hoseok? Is there something going on?” His mother asked again. “So Maine willingly went with them?” He clarified. His mother nodded, “Yes, she did.”

 Hoseok sighed, his mother rubbing his shoulders, “Look, Hoseok, if there’s something you needed to talk to me about, I’m here. You’re making me feel nervous. I feel like giving away Maine to her parents is a bad thing with how you’re reacting right now.”

 He looked at his mother and asked her to sit down, then he started telling her everything.

 ~

 It has been a week and Hoseok never received even a single message from Maine. Seokjin has been keeping an eye on him too, which is why he can’t go to Maine’s house. He never failed to send her messages everyday, telling her how worried he is, how much he misses her and how much he loves her.

 Truth be told, his mind is going haywire to find reasons why she hasn’t been in contact for a week already. He’s staring at his ceiling when Seokjin suddenly enters his room, giving him his phone. He stared at the phone screen and he saw Maine’s contact name there. Hoseok quickly grabbed it from Seokjin and took the call.

 “Babe!” He shouted, “Babe! I’m so worried. What happened to you?! Are you okay? Where are you?” Hoseok asked questions after questions. Maine just chuckled, “I’m sorry for not getting in touch soon. Let’s meet tomorrow?” She asked.

 Hoseok immediately smiled, “Tomorrow? Sure! Don't you want to meet up tonight? I can go wherever you are!” He happily replied. Seokjin just leaned on the wall, staring at Hoseok while he talked to Maine.

 If only he knows, Seokjin thought to himself, but that is Maine’s story to tell. “I miss you too, babe, but let’s just wait for tomorrow, okay? I’m kinda tired today, but I’ve read all of your messages. I’m really sorry for not being able to answer. I love you so much, Hoseok.” Maine sincerely said, a tear falling from her eye.

 “What matters is you’re here now, and we’ll make everything right, okay?” Hoseok cooed, Maine nodding even if he can’t see her. She tried her best not to let him hear that she’s crying. “Okay, babe. See you tomorrow! I love you, Hoseok. I love you.” She repeated.

 “Aigoo, I love you too, Charmaine.” Hoseok softly said, Maine instantly ended the call. Seokjin saved the situation by shouting, “Ya! You two dared to get mushy mushy on my phone!” He said and grabbed the phone from Hoseok.

 Hoseok laughed and thanked his hyung, telling him how excited he is for tomorrow.

 ~

 Hoseok and Maine agreed to meet each other at Hoseok’s apartment. She’s already inside when he arrived from practice. The first thing he did when he saw her was to hug her really tight, “I was so worried, babe.” He whispered.

 “Don’t be. I’m okay now. I miss you and I made dinner!” She exclaimed. Hoseok happily pulled her to the dining table to eat with her. They fed each other until both of them couldn't breathe from being full. “What happened to you? What did your parents tell you? Do they still want to push through.. with the marriage?”

 Maine just looked at him and shook her head while smiling, “Really?” Hoseok excitedly asked. Maine nodded her head and Hoseok hugged her really tight. “So when will we get married?” He asked.

 “As soon as you want!” She happily said. “But I heard Rianne-unnie is coming home. Seokjin invited me to go with you guys on your weekend trip. Why are you not asking me? Are you planning to take someone else?” She asked, Hoseok laughed at her as she sounded jealous. “Ya! I was going to ask you, I just saw you now, right?”

 “Kiss me then, if you’re not going to take anyone else.” She said. Hoseok immediately crashed his lips into hers, both of them melting straight away into the kiss. The kiss felt brand new, as if it’s the start of something new. Hoseok’s heart felt lighter, now that he knows that Maine isn’t tied up to some other guy anymore.

 Charmaine’s heart just got heavier.

 ~

 “Gombae!!” All twelve of them shout at the top of their lungs before downing a shot of soju. All of the boys have their partners with them except Namjoon and Jungkook which made them partners in every game that they’re playing for the weekend getaway. They’ve been drinking for 3 hours now which made everyone pretty drunk except for the ones who don't get drunk easily -- Seokjin, Jimin, Eunice, Yoongi and Lexi. 

 Taehyung started being clingy with Lexi after the first glass. Jungkook started being talkative an hour ago too, along with Namjoon. Hoseok can’t stop talking to Maine while Rianne is already sitting on Seokjin’s lap. Jimin and Yoongi are both claiming that they’re not yet drunk but they’re both noisy and talkative. Eunice is just beside Jimin, holding his hand while laughing at everything that he says.

 Maine watched as Lexi pulled Taehyung out of his seat, Hoseok whispering to her, “They’ve been bestfriends for years and they only acknowledged their love for each other lately.” He shared. Maine kissed the tip of his nose, “If only I met you sooner, we could’ve been happier longer!” She said.

 Gail and Eunice both stood up to get more food in the kitchen while Rianne suddenly nudged Maine, “Too bad you didn’t meet Cammie! You’re going to love her.” Rianne said. “Who’s Cammie again?” Maine asked, not in a sober state anymore. “Namjoon’s girlfriend! It’s nice that we’re a lot here now. Before, it’s just me, Cammie, Jeongyeon and Lexi.. and Lexi’s not even Taehyung’s girlfriend back then plus Jeongyeon was always busy as an idol.”

 Seokjin tapped Rianne’s shoulder, “Love, enough..” He whispered before kissing her cheek. As much as the past is an open book, Seokjin is worrying that some of the members might find it as a sore topic. Maine leaned on Hoseok’s shoulder, whispering how she feels dizzy already and she should stop drinking for now. Hoseok wrapped his arm around her and she closed her eyes.

 She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, “I need to pee.” She said to Hoseok. “Do you need me to come with you?” He asked. Maine stood up and waved her hands at him, “Ani. I can do this.” She smiled at him reassuringly and went to the bathroom by herself.

 Once inside, she checked her phone and saw her father calling. She sighed before answering the call, completely shocked at his father’s loud voice. “Where the hell are you, Charmaine? We have a dinner appointment today, remember?”

 “I didn’t say yes to that dinner.” Maine replied, causing her father to get angrier. “I thought we already talked about doing this the easy way or the hard way? Why are you so stubborn?” He asked. Infuriated by her father, she raised her voice too, “Why are you so stubborn too? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” She asked.

 The argument went on for five minutes, both of them infuriated with each other. Maine felt brave at the moment, knowing that Hoseok is just there outside. He has been her comfort and she’s always safe whenever he’s with him.

 “Do you really think I don’t know that you’re at Seokjin’s house in the province? Do you take me as an idiot?” Her father suddenly asked after the outburst. She suddenly felt more dizzy, as if her soul was leaving her body. If her father knew where she was, then someone might be on their way to get her now.

 She ended the phone call at once, running outside the bathroom to find Hoseok’s car keys. She saw it on top of the refrigerator and quickly grabbed it. She also grabbed her purse and made a run for the garage. It’s dark outside, considering that it’s night already and Seokjin’s house is the only house near this cliff.

 She felt her head spinning, her gaze not clear anymore. She entered Hoseok’s car and quickly turned the engine on. She’s not sure if the fog she’s seeing is because of the haze from the alcohol, or because she’s already crying. Maine pulled the car out on the driveway immediately, speeding off.

 The drinking table was in Seokjin’s patio. Hoseok’s attention was caught when he saw his car getting out on the driveway. “Fuck,” he shouted. Seokjin immediately turns his head on where Hoseok is looking. “Fuck,” Seokjin also said. Both of them suddenly stood up and ran to the garage, but they did not make it.

 “Get Yoongi’s car keys, I’ll call her.” Seokjin said. Hoseok ran upstairs, the other remaining members filed one by one into the living room, just staring at Seokjin who’s in a disheveled state but at the same time, rummaging through his phone. “What happened?” Rianne asked.

 “Maine. She just.. ran away. Fuck,” Seokjin sighed out his frustration. Hoseok ran downstairs and into the garage. Seokjin followed him but Hoseok rejected his idea of going with him. “Just stay here, hyung. Call her for me, please.” Hoseok said.

 He did not wait for Seokjin to answer, he just ran for Yoongi’s car and quickly drove out to the driveway. Maine did not turn on her headlights, she’s just driving with her heart pounding hard on her chest. She struggled on keeping her driving straight as she went through a sharp curve. The only way out of Seokjin’s house is a steep road to the city.

 She gasped when she came across three black cars, all of them familiar to her. She knows that her father owns them and he asked his boys to go get her. When the cars passed her, she saw her phone ringing because of Seokjin’s call. She quickly rejected it and called Hoseok instead.

 Hoseok immediately answered, “Charmaine! What are you doing going out alone? Where are you going?” Hoseok said. His frustration is evident in his voice, “Hoseok..” Maine gently said. “I’m sorry, Hoseok.”

 “Maine, you’re drunk. Slow down. I’ll catch up to you, okay?” Hoseok said, holding himself up. Maine felt her eyes well up with tears, “Hoseok, listen.” She can’t stop herself from crying now, nonetheless, she continued to drive. “The wedding was never called off.”

 “What? But you told me that it was already called off?” Hoseok asked. “I just want to spend more happy moments with you, babe. When they got me from your home, they confiscated my phone and didn’t let me go out of my room until I said yes to what they’re offering. I held my pride up for a week, but I can’t do it anymore. I miss you so much and I need to get a hold of you, that’s why I said yes.” She explained.

 “Charmaine, you know you don’t have to do that.” He said. “But I had no choice, babe. I had to, for you, for us.” Hoseok sighed and drove faster to catch up with her, “But you spent the week with me.. I thought you’re free, baby..” 

 Maine just cried harder, “I just want to spend more time with you. I always slip out of my room, just to spend time with you. They thought I was going to that guy, fuck, Hoseok, I don’t know what to do anymore. I want out. Tonight’s supposed to be the wedding rehearsal.” She said in between sobs.

 Hoseok caught a glimpse of his car in front of him, almost at the stop light. Maine did not stop talking on the other line, “I just love you so much, Hoseok. Do you know that? You make me happy all the damn time. Sometimes, I feel like my heart is just going to burst with how grateful I am for you.”

 “I know, I know, baby. I can see you now. Stop the car now. You’re drunk, Maine. I love you too.” Hoseok cooed, trying to sound as gentle as possible for her to stop the car. He can clearly hear her still sobbing on the other line while repeating all the I love you’s she’s been muttering.

 “Maine, I love you too. Stop the car now, baby, please.” Hoseok said. Maine approached the stoplight, but Hoseok wondered why she still went on when the stop light is already red. “Charmaine, stop the car.” He repeated. He doesn’t know if Maine is still listening because the sobs stopped, but the I love you’s are still being said. “I’m sorry, Hoseok. I know you needed the sunshine too, but you got me instead. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be right for you, but I love you so, so much.”

 Charmaine reached the stop light already, but still went on. “Charmaine, stop the ca--- fuck!” Hoseok screamed.

 The last thing he saw was two cars from the right colliding with the car Maine was driving.

 ~

 Hoseok and Seokjin are both sitting on the hospital chairs, waiting for the doctor that just attended to Maine. Seokjin is biting on his own lip, while Hoseok is just staring into blank space. The others are already on their way to the hospital, but the two couldn’t care less. They just want the doctor to say that Maine is alright.

 The doctor went out of the emergency cubicle, making his way to the two boys sitting on the chairs. “Are you the relatives?” Both of them nodded while standing up. “I’m sorry, but she can’t make it.”

 Hoseok felt ringing on his ears. He felt his heart shatter to pieces, his stomach turning too, as if he’s going to vomit anytime soon. “She can’t make it? What do you mean she can’t make it?” Seokjin is furious, not wanting to believe what the doctor said.

 Hoseok did not hear the rest of the conversation, his eyes just fell on Maine lying on the bed. She’s just lifeless, and he can and can’t recognize her all at once. He made his way beside her and held her limp hand. Suddenly, he’s finding it hard to breathe, his eyes welling up with tears. “Babe,” He softly said.

 The rest of the boys entered the emergency room, catching Seokjin just in time before he fell to his knees. “Hyung, hyung, what is it?” Yoongi asked. Seokjin shook his head, “She.. didn’t.. make.. it. My cousin is a fighter, why can’t she make it?” Seokjin said, breaking into a mess of sobs. Rianne rubbed his back and Seokjin immediately buried his face on her neck, crying like a kid.

 Hoseok tugged gently on Maine’s hand, “Babe.. wake up.” Namjoon rubbed Hoseok’s back, comforting him, but Hoseok just cried hard that it made the maknaes cry too. They’ve never seen him this broken.

 “Charmaine, I told you that we will last.. Didn’t you tell me that we’ll get married as soon as I want? Baby, wake up, let’s go home.” Hoseok said, still tugging on her hand. “Hyung, she’s gone..” Namjoon whispered, not wanting to startle him.

 “Namjoon, you don’t understand, she’s not supposed to die like this! We’re supposed to get married, she’s supposed to live the rest of her life happy with me! Namjoon, it’s unfair! What did I do wrong?” Hoseok ranted while clutching his other hand on his chest. “Hyung, you did not do anything wrong.” Namjoon answered.

 “But it’s unfair! I cherished her everyday, I adored her everyday, I gave her all the love I have every. damn. day. but I still lost her. Fuck. It fucking hurts.” Hoseok sobbed, Namjoon gave him a tight hug. Seokjin knelt beside Charmaine’s bed, crying his heart out.

 “Charmaine, you brat, wake up.” Seokjin said, making the other members cry even harder. It’s hard seeing their two most cheerful hyungs cry like this. Hoseok suddenly blacked out, Namjoon catching him just in time.

 ~

 Jungkook and Hoseok were left alone in the dorm that day. Jungkook is busy cooking ramen while Hoseok just sat on the kitchen counter, staring somewhere far away. It has been a month since Maine passed away.

 Bangtan did not get it easy. They spent weeks trying to get Hoseok to eat healthily again, trying to make him smile again, trying to make him talk again. They tried making him do those unnecessary sound effects again, but he doesn’t, and he didn’t want to. It seems like life left him too.

 “Jungkook,” Hoseok suddenly said. Jungkook immediately looked up, “Yes, hyung?” They have always been so careful with their words around Hoseok, especially if they’re going to talk about something that reminds him of Maine.

 “Do you remember my favorite movie?” Hoseok asked. Jungkook just nodded, “If only, hyung?” He put a bowl of ramen in front of Hoseok so he could eat. “Let’s eat dinner, hyung.” He said, sitting next to him.

 “That was the first movie Charmaine and I watched. She even asked me if I know that the girl is going to die in a car crash.” Hoseok smiled bitterly, “It sucks, Jungkook. I learned from that movie that we should love the ones that are important to us as much as we can. Where did I go wrong for her to be gone so suddenly?”

 Jungkook stood up from his seat and hugged Hoseok, “Hyung..” Hoseok’s tears fell again, “Don’t worry about me now, Jungkook. I just have unanswered questions, but I accepted it already. Even if Maine did not live long enough, at least, she won’t have to feel restless everyday anymore. I love her too much to question her decisions, and if she can’t hold on to life anymore, then it must’ve been painful for her. I just love her so much, Kook, it hurts.”

 Hoseok pulled away from the hug, “So when you start to love, give it your all, alright?” He said. Jungkook just nodded, “I’m here for you, hyung.”

 “I know, Jungkook.” Jungkook just smiled at him and rubbed his shoulders again. “Eat your dinner, hyung, or I’ll feed you.” He said, making Hoseok slightly smile at him.

 They heard footsteps from the living room, coming into the kitchen. Hoseok looked up and asked him, “Is this really how it feels?”

 ~

published 04/17/20. 10:45 PM

#btswriterscollective #btswritingcafe #ficswithluv #bangtanidx #bts hoseok fic #bts hoseok fluff #bts hoseok smut #hoseok fluff #hoseok smut #bts hoseok angst #hoseok angst #hoseok fic #bangtan fic #bts fic #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff

[teddystrap]

Drama CD: [幽幻ロマンチカ・真骨頂] ≁Karasutengu Hifumi・Baku Utashiro≁

Ok I know this is out of order (I skipped over the previous Hatenkou discs, which I will do later), but I reallllly adore the Shinkocchou concept. This came at the end of a HECTIC week, so to myself and any readers out there, I say a well-deserved: お疲（憑か）れ様でした！

In this disc - the first in this subtitle - Crow-Heavenly-Dog Hifumi and Dream-Eating Animal-Thing Utashiro team up to fight crime and save the Universe... of Nanagiri High School. 

Before I say anything else, first look at the hidden msgs (x2) in the tracklist: 

１．壱、都市伝説『すきま』 ２．��、スイーツに囲<ま>れて ３．参、湧き出た<も>のは ４．四、陰<り>から立ちはだかる ５．伍、穏やかな夜だっ<た> ６．六、戦うなら<い>っしょに ７．七、都市伝説『すきま』看破 ８．キャストトーク

Hifumi: bold⋆ spells 「すきだから」 (’Because I like you...’)

Utashiro: <⋆> spells 「まもりたい」 (’...I want to protect you.’)

...

(ﾟ艸ﾟ(｡艸｡(ﾟ艸ﾟ(｡艸｡(ﾟ艸ﾟ(｡艸｡(ﾟ艸ﾟ(｡艸｡(ﾟ艸ﾟ(｡艸｡(ﾟ艸ﾟ(｡艸｡ ) ｽﾍﾟｼｬﾙｳﾝｳﾝ

We also find out bits about each character's past - like how Hifumi had been cold and uncaring when he first mixed with the human world, and how he developed a taste for sweet foods because that's what people used to give him as offerings. AND how hilariously angry U-kun gets when people try to point out that deep down he's really just a softie/sweetie.

NB. The audio track is a bonus bit at the end of the final cast commentary track where the two of them do a hilarious 'Free Talk' in character.

*

[The First Rumour: Urban Legend ‘Sukima’]

Something's lurking in the cracks and corners of Nanagiri High School. So far five students have disappeared, starting with a girl in 1st year. Everyone is freaking the fuck out, and even the police have got involved, but this being a paranormal case ofc they are not going to find anything.

On the orders of Toilet Flower Dude (abbreviated TFD), Hifumi and Utashiro are investigating the urban legends to prevent them from destabilising the forces of the Supernatural Seven. And they have come to you for help - after all, youkai get their powers from the goodwill of humans. TFD has even coined a team name for the three of you: DARK DESTINY FAN CLUB. And ofc you are the leader, because vagina power.

As part of the investigation, first you all go to... the nearby cafe and eat cake. Because Marie Antoinette said so. Because apparently a couple from your school was attacked when they went on a date there.

Hifumi decides that you have to act like a couple to bait the monster into attacking you. (Except this is more like a 3P scenario and for some reason nobody finds that just a little bit odd...?) The two of them start feeding you and wiping extra cream off your face, and ofc you become all shy and resistant. So then both of them possess your body and start putting their lips on you to 'make you understand how the cake feels'. #mfw = (*>艸<)ｷｬｧｯ. (Not even kidding, I actually made this face when I was listening to this.)

You finally cannot put up with this treatment anymore, and when they stop, you pick up a chair and start hurling it at them. Damn girl u so hot when u maddd. So much for Battle Plan RaiseBloodSugar1. XD

Plan #2: Ya'll patrol the empty classrooms after school to look for clues. Eventually you find a ...fluffy/slimy-looking... monster consuming a 1st-year boy. When the three of you approach, the monster devours him whole and disappears.

You suggest using yourself as bait, with the both of them possessing your body to fight the monster in invisible mode. Sounds all fine and dandy... except their demon powers totally don't even work against this mochi-mochi monster!! After some failed attacks, Utashiro forms a protective shield to fend off the monster and allow Hifumi to fly you off to safety. (Such beautiful teamwork I could cry...)

Later Utashiro catches up to the two of you. It seems that the monster is so 'impenetrable' because it is feeding off the energy of some human somewhere, whose vulnerabilities it is exploiting. At this point you are still reeling from the narrow escape, so your two manservants boyfriends manservants decide to call it a day and escort you home.

Back home, you refuse to sleep, so the two of them dogpile you on your bed (is it just me or does that sound kinda dirty, sports fans? ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)). You request that they both change into their chibi forms and hug them to sleep. Hifumi doesn't mind at all but Utashiro hates it!! XD

Turns out you can't sleep because you are still terrified from the episode earlier. So they change back into their hot-guy forms and possess your body (because your bed is too small XD) and hold your hand and caress your head. After you finally fall asleep, the two of them commence the BL action pillow talk:

Utashiro is feeling down and blaming himself for not noticing your fear sooner. Hifumi is all like ‘I KNEW U WERE A SOFTIE U SEXY TSUNDERE’, but Utashiro tells him that all the other baku perished because they were forgotten by humans, and this is why he can't forgive and embrace humanity the way that Hifumi does.

As Hifumi correctly figures out, Utashiro is/was the Chief of the baku, even though he was not the most powerful nor the eldest. But Hifumi thinks it's enough that Utashiro did his best for his companions, just like *you* always do, you useless piece of sh... person!! I mean person!!. Hifumi trusts you even though you are a human, but Utashiro is unconvinced, since you never risked your life for him (the way you did for Hifumi)...

...Aaaand you wake up to the kinako-mochi monster in your room!!! Hifumi flies both of you out the window, but it's too heavy for him and he and he drops you both. Orz (well U-kun cushions your fall ofc b/c what are manservants for, amirite?). Meanwhile the monster has followed you out here and multiplied, so you all escape to the school grounds.

In the school gym, the monster and its spawns appear again, and Hifumi tries to fight them off, maxing out his energy much to Utashiro's alarm. Hifumi explains to Utashiro that he was born out of people's wishes,... and just when he was about to be forgotten, *you* appeared and gave him a new meaning to life. So he can't help but be fond of humanity and want to do his best for them.

You stop Hifumi from over-exerting himself, and volunteer to be swallowed alive by the monster so that ya'll can fight it from inside its stomach. Hifumi is all like ‘LET'S DO THIS LEADER >:)’, but Utashiro FREAKS THE FUCK OUT X( and offers to come with you, forming a protective shield to protect you. At some point he finally admits that it would be 'troubling' if something happened to you... This is about as much of a love confession as you’re ever gonna get here, so I'm savouring the fuck out of this line indefinitely <3.

Inside the monster's belly, you find... a girl that was eaten, and pull her into the safety of Utashiro's protective shield. The monster grows weak, and Hifumi uses this opportunity to blow it up into smithereens. All its spawns become inactive as well.

The girl turns out to be the aforementioned 1st-year who was the monster's first victim. She appears to be asleep, so Utashiro takes a peek into her dream: she is infatuated with a senpai, but too shy to talk to him, and can only watch him from afar. The pain of her unrequited love bore cracks in her heart, which the kinako mochi monster has exploited and subsisted on.

You ask Utashiro to change the contents of her dream from #badend to #goodend. As he does this, the cracks in her heart start to mend, and the monsters disappear. But ofc, changing her dream doesn't do much irl; she still needs to make her own happy ending.

Thus, peace is restored to Nanagiri High School!! >:D The five missing students are all found safely and soundly asleep in the school gym, and the first girl finally found the courage to speak to her senpai.

Hifumi teases Utashiro for risking his own life to protect you during Battle Plan MonsterBelly1, but Utashiro claims he only 'changed his mind a little bit about humans'.

But then Hifumi readily admits that he got to see both cool and uncool sides of you during this adventure, and it makes him like you more <3. Upon hearing this, Utashiro is all like ‘GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER’ and instructs you to stick with him so that he shall protect you from the Crow-Dog-Whatever that is *even more dangerous than any urban legend ever*! <333333

*

[Thoughts] OH WOW I got so used to the DiaLovers twisted personalities that I figured this was going to be like a Versus disc where they compete and fight with each other over you. But like I said, the teamwork/bromance is so beautiful it brings a tear to my eye :').

First of all, as KENN observes in his part of the Free Talk, this disc is kind of a parallel world where you are not strictly *romantic* with either of them. But at the same time both of them seem ok with some 曖昧さ (e.g. light touches/kisses) here and there. I guess it's less like a FB "it's complicated" situation, and more of youkai having some harmless fun with a human.

[cf. Remember how all the vampires stripped Yui down to her undergarments and bit her in all the embarrassing places, and she STILL thinks: 'They only see me as food T_T.' Yes that's totally non-suggestive, yes yes, carry on.]

Secondly, like Kimura-san notes, the two personalities make a striking contrast, and Utashiro seems *even more* tsundere than usual compared to Hifumi. But because Hifumi has one more disc than Utashiro, I think he's had more opportunities for character growth, so I'm optimistic about U-kun :)

I think between the two of them, Utashiro is the more mature and sensitive one - as shown by their hidden msgs, Hifumi's feelings lean more towards 'I like you'/displays of affection, whereas Utashiro is more about protecting you & supporting you emotionally.

Hifumi has a more impulsive/careless personality; sometimes he misses little details, and he's ready to take risks if you are. In that regard I think they counterbalance each other quite well, Utashiro talks sense and 'anchors' the situation; Hifumi brings the positivity and the momentum.

Using the two roles of the manzai (traditional Japanese standup-comedy) for analogy, U-kun is the 'straight man' who provides the tsukkomi, and Hifumi is the boke or the one with all the gags.

...Also it just occurred to me how most of the time the tsundere role is either like a younger/spoiled brat type, or a kichiku megane (à la Sakamaki Reiji). Utashiro is kind of like a... tsundere-oniisan? XD Not sure if that's a type, but in any case it’s kinda refreshing, plus he's precious and I love him :3

NB1. KENN's chibi voice is THE BEST. X3

NB2. I wonder what trousers (「なっちゃうパンツ」) Kimura-san was wearing in the recording studio on his dates with 'Dummyko-chan' - which is what he calls the dummy-head mic XD. Now, I'm not sure about this, but there is a good chance that he's the one who came up with the worst nickname in the entire universe 'M-neko-chan'...  

#otome #drama cd #rejet #yuugen romantica #shinkocchou #yuroma #hifumi #kenn #seiyuu #utashiro #kimura ryohei #youkai #tsundere #supernatural #mystery #kaidan

[drrubberfunk]

Earlier in the year I was asked to contribute to the excellent ‘Dusk Dubs’ mixtape series, and jumped at the chance. They have a nice format of asking guests to provide music that has a special place in their memories and in their souls - ‘...music that moves them, that invokes images of sunrises, sunsets, good times and good people’. 

I thought it’d be a nice way to compliment the other ‘My Life At 45′ themed mixes that I’ve done this year, with a selection of music you’d be likely to hear playing at my house over the last 30+ years, with tracks featured in full, mixed end to end, and a little story to go with each track. 

Here’s the full tracklisting, and photos of some of my well-loved vinyl that the tracks were recorded from - hope you enjoy this laid-back late summer stroll through my record collection, and My Life At 45!

1) Peddlers - ‘Whole Lot Of Sunlight’, from the 1970 Philips LP ‘Three For All’.

I picked this up in Avid Records in Oxford in the late nineties, I got a lot of good stuff from them around that time, picking up cheap classic soul, blues and jazz LPs, bargain priced late ‘80s / early ‘90s 12” singles that I’d missed the first time round and just taking a punt on interesting looking sleeves, or bands I’d heard about in sampling cirlces. ‘Suite London’ was the hot crate digger’s favourite from The Peddlers, but the production on ‘Three For All’ is right up my street, with wonderful hammond playing and a killer drum sound. It’s a great album from start to finish. I’ve used tracks on a few mixtapes in the past 20 years, but not this particular one, and with an apt title, it seemed like ‘Whole Lot Of Sunlight' was a nice way to kick off my late summer Dusk Dubs selection!

2) Joe McDuphrey Experience - ‘Solar Waves’, from the 2002 Stones Throw 12” ‘Experience EP’.

Madlib made a big impression on me when I first started producing with a sampler and a second hand Hohner Pianet. I really enjoyed this era when he was mixing live instrumentation with the straight up MPC sample business. ‘Solar Waves’ has it all - lolloping drums, wonky synths and tasty electric piano - a super laid-back groove, and is one I rediscovered in my collection recently. Plus, I’m a sucker for coming up with a bunch of aliases to cover all the roles you might play on a record - Madlib is the undisputed champ at that.

3) Paul Weller - ‘That Spiritual Feeling’ (New Mix) from the 1993 Go! Discs promo 12” GOXDJ 102.

My first proper music industry job in the mid nineties was as a radio plugger, and we shared an office building with Go!Discs - home at the time to Portishead, David Holmes, The Beautiful South and Paul Weller, amongst others. There was a little shared kitchen area with a photocopier, and I was busily copying press releases one afternoon on about my 3rd day in the job, when I heard someone making a drink behind me. Turning round I was confronted by Mr Paul Weller himself, impeccably dressed (with an AMAZING tan) stirring his cup of tea. ‘Hello’ he said, ‘I’m Paul - nice to meet you’.

I managed not to swoon or drop my photocopying and introduced myself as the new boy. I worked on radio promo with him across various album projects for the next 4 years, culminating with a week on a tour bus with Paul and his crew doing sessions at radio stations across the country. Story for another time maybe … Anyway - also in that little kitchen area at Go! Discs was their stock cupboard, which I rinsed for releases I’d missed in the years prior to my starting work there. ‘That Spiritual Feeling’ was originally on his first solo release ‘Into Tomorrow’ in 1991, but got remixed and added to this promo, as well as appearing on the ‘Sunflower’ 12” (taken from ‘Wildwood’) It’s got the instantly recognisable JBs on it, with a classic horn arrangement backing up a kinda hypnotic 2 chord groove that just rolls and rolls. I can listen to it for hours.

4). Rhianna - ‘Word Love’ (4 Hero Soul Mix) from the 2002 Sony Soho Square promo 7” XPR 3600.

4 Hero were killing it in the early ‘00s as their productions evolved from the breakbeat mastery of the ‘90s into the wonderfully orchestrated arrangements that saw them covering ‘Les Fleur’, and bringing their deft touch to an increasing number of quality remixes. I don’t think this version of British soul star Rhianna’s ‘Word Love’ - which I loved in it’s original form - ever made it to a commercial release, but it’s something I’ve played out a lot over the years, and it always gets great comments and a bunch of info requests from the crowd.

5) GangStarr - ‘Jazz Thing’ (Instrumental Mix) from the 1990 CBS promo 12” XPR 1571.

I saw Mo Better Blues at the cinema in Australia in November 1990 and bought the soundtrack on cassette the next day. Brandford Marsalis and Terence Blanchard have a superb dialogue across all the tracks, especially on the Canonball Adderley-esque title track. However, Gang Starr’s ‘Jazz Thing’ blew my tiny teenage mind, and I became a bit obsessed with it over the next few years, the samples, the cuts, the live loops - especially after my new college mate Pete made me a tape a year or so later with two extra versions from the 12”, including this, the Instrumental Mix. I finally tracked down my own copy of this import promo in the Soul & Dance Exchange in Notting Hill in the late nineties, and it’s lived in my record bag pretty much ever since.

6) John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers with Peter Green - ‘Greeny’, from the 1969 Decca LP ‘The World Of Blues Power’.

Everyone my sort of age with some records is bound to have one or two liberated from their parent’s collection, and this was an album I discovered in my folks collection in about 1987, not long after buying a drum kit. I’d been rinsing their Beatles albums since I was a kid - singing along to ‘Drive My Car’ and ‘Octopus’s Garden’, but the World Of Blues Power seem a bit of alien concept until I gave it a good listen as a teen. There’s some classic pyrotechnic stuff from rising Brit Blues stars like Eric Clapton and Paul Butterfield, alongside US veterans like Champion Jack Dupree and Eddie Boyd, who’d moved to Europe in the ‘60s.

Always understated, Peter Green’s playing on ‘Greeny’ is perfect; simple and catchy as hell, but with complete mastery of his instrument.

7) Stanley Clarke - ‘Blues For Mingus’, from the 1979 Nemperor LP ‘I Wanna Play For You’.

This was another ’90s bargain from Avid Records in Oxford, but I first heard it when babysitting in the late ‘80s. The couple who’s kids I was deemed suitably responsible enough to be left in charge of were very happy for me to listen to their small but perfectly formed record collection, and many happy evenings were spent with a pile of C90s taping all sorts of classic jazz and blues. Took me the best part of the next 20 years to find my own vinyl copies of them all mind you. The uptempo jazz rock that Stanley Clarke was known for in the ‘70s is featured throughout the part-live ‘I Wanna Play For You’ album, but this downtempo small group number perfectly encapsulated my idea of what a jazz club gig should sound like; dark, smoky and soulful.

8) Al Green - ‘Lay It Down’, from the 2008 Blue Note LP ‘Lay It Down’.

Is it controversial to call this my favourite Al Green album? I mean, you can’t deny the classic ‘60s and ‘70s hits, but for me, this Questlove produced LP is right up there in terms of songwriting and production. I could have happily featured any of the album tracks here, but went with the title track for the silky strings and restrained playing from Questlove. Something as a drumming producer myself I’m less good at ;)

9) Matt Deighton - ‘Hey, My Mind’, from the 1995 Focus LP ‘Villager’.

This whole album is stuffed full of timeless sounding songs, it's one I’ve listened to alot over the years and comes complete with alot of happy memories.

Just before I got the plugging job, I’d been working in promotions for (the original) Virgin Radio in London, driving a branded vehicle around town all day. Seems mad and pointless in 2020, but it was fun in 1995, I was young, it seemed to be sunny all the time, I had a free 4WD and it paid quite well. I used the station’s copy of ‘The White Book’ - an entertainment industry directory that cost a small fortune back then - to look up the addresses of my favourite record labels, and spent most days knocking on their doors in an attempt to blag some free records. One of these labels was Acid Jazz, and, having announced which station I worked for, I was rushed in to meet their head of marketing and plied with records and CDs, before someone eventually asked ‘so, what is it you actually do at Virgin again?’. I bluffed my way through the next 10 minutes and agreed to have a chat to the producer of the evening show about getting a session for Matt Deighton. Matt was the singer and guitarist with Mother Earth, of whom I was a big fan, and was currently promoting a new solo album ‘Villager’ - Mother Earth had been a guest on the Virgin show before, and so the producer said yes to a session. I’m sure she would have booked him anyway, but she graciously let me set it up with Acid Jazz, gaining me some vital industry kudos and connections in the process.

10) Money Mark - ‘All The People’, from the 1998 Mo Wax / A&M LP ‘Push The Button’.

Mo Wax were one of my favourite ‘90s labels, having been introduced to them by a college friend sometime in ’93, and I think I tried unsuccessfully blagging my way onto their mailing list in my Virgin days, but later on, after the A&M deal, I had better luck getting occasional freebies. ‘Mark’s Keyboard Repair’ was the record that the genre lo-fi was invented for, with the mix of bit-crushed samples and live vintage keys, but ‘Push The Button’ is a brilliantly rounded record, with some great pop songs. Session legend Jim Keltner is playing drums on this track, which I’d forgotten about until I was reading the sleevenotes while recording this mix - his playing with the likes of Delaney & Bonnie, BB King, Leon Russell, Bill Withers, Eric Clapton and all of the Beatles on their various solo projects has been a big influence on my drumming style over the years. Records I’ve never heard of but have bought just because Jim Keltner is on drums is an extensive section of my collection.

11) Bedouine - ‘Summer Cold’, from the 2017 Spacebomb Records LP ‘Bedouine’.

Spacebomb are one of my favourite contemporary labels, with a studio sound and ethos that I aspire to greatly as I enter my third decade as a producer, and I’ve been picking up their releases since hearing label owner, and talented artist, Matthew E. White interviewed on 6 Music back in 2015. LA Based Syrian born Bedouine put out one of my most listened to albums of 2017 (and since!), and I would have featured any of the tracks in this mix, but something about the found sounds at the end of ‘Summer Cold’ seemed to work very nicely with the start of the following song from Emily King. Bedouine’s vocal and guitar sound is wonderfully distintive, and beautifully enhanced by the sympathetic Spacebomb Horn and String arrangements - get yourself the LP!

12) Emily King - ‘Distance’, from the 2015 Making Music Records LP ‘The Switch’.

I didn’t listen to many new records while I was producing Izo FitzRoy’s debut (track coming next!) - I think I thought I’d find it distracting, I suspect that wouldn’t have been the case, but once Izo’s record was in the can, I gorged on releases I’d missed and found things that have become all time favourites. Most of them seem to be by women with a very different sound to Izo, but equally captivating writing and energy. Emily King is one of those artists, along with Bedouine, Jane Weaver and Aldous Harding amongst others. ‘Distance’ is such a great song, and I love Emily’s voice and guitar playing, plus the production and feel too - ticks all the boxes for me.

13) Izo FitzRoy - ‘Heads Held High’, from the 2017 Jalepeno Records LP ‘Skyline’.

This was one of my favourites from Izo’s debut that I produced and played on a few years ago. A great lyric and performance from Izo over a groove that we worked hard to sound like a mix of samples and live instruments, but was in fact all recorded and produced in my studio at home. Initially Izo and I were writing on some tracks that I’d already recorded with a view to them going on a Dr Rubberfunk album, but it was pretty clear after we’d written a few things together that she had so many great songs that the project needed to be an album for her. Even at a few years distance, I’m still really pleased with how the record turned out, with a ’studio sound’ I can call my own, and one that I’ve been able to carry over to my recent ‘My Life At 45’ LP - on which Izo turns in another couple of killer performances!

14) Urban Species - ‘Blanket’ featuring Imogen Heap, from the 1998 Talkin’ Loud LP ‘Blanket’.

Along with Acid Jazz and Mo Wax, Talkin’ Loud were another label I was madly collecting everything they released throughout the ‘90s and beyond. Having DJ’d in support of Urban Species at my college in 1994, I was already a fan, and their second album ‘Blanket’ is one of my all-time favourites by any artist. It features two great collaborations with Terry Callier, and two with Imogen Heap, including the title track featured here. Great writing and production, I was very influenced by this record as I started working with vocalists. Always love the guitar solo over the fade out too - if it exists, I’d love to get my hands on the full version without the fade!

15) Routes In Jazz - ‘Out In The Jungle’, from the 1992 Concious Records 12” CON 999.

Another sure shot from my days as a nascent DJ at Froebel College in West London in the early ‘90s. I was fortunate to have the support and encouragement of a couple of older students as I joined the Student Union and started organising events, and one of them - Lee - actually let me borrow his records a few times to play out with. Cheers Lee! This was one he used to play in warm up and bar sets, and I loved the double bass loop and ear worm horn sample (I never have worked out what it’s from), so had to get a copy. In some ways it’s a very 1992 record, but has stood the test of time in terms of production as far as I’m concerned.

16) DJ Krush - ‘Yeah’, from the 1994 Mo Wax LP ‘Strictly Turntablized’.

Early Mo Wax classic, from before all this sort of thing was considered ‘trip hop’, it was just killer instrumental hip hop as far as I was concerned, and DJ Krush, along with DJ Shadow, was right up there, leading the way. Another big influence on me when I eventually got a sampler - tough drums: check, swinging bass sample: check, jazzy horn and vocal samples: check. Love it.

17) Freak Power - ‘My Heart Sings’, from the 1994 ‘In Dub - The Fried Funk Food EP’, bonus album with some vinyl editions of the ‘Drive Thru Booty’ LP

They say never meet your heroes, but having meet and worked with both Norman Cook and Ashley Slater, the creators of the Freak Power project, I’d have to disagree. Naturally, if you’ve read through the tracklisting this far, you’ll have worked out there’s another showbiz story to go with this selection, and there is, but I’m saving it for another time, ‘cos it’s LONNNGGGG. Suffice it to say, ‘Turn On Tune In, Cop Out’ was a massive tune in ’93, and when the album dropped the following year I was straight down the record shop on release day. I wasn’t expecting a bonus ‘Dub EP’, much less one with almost unrecognisable remixes of the album tracks, but I was very happy to have it included. Some of the best downtempo beats Norman has made I think, and the drum programming on the second half of this track had me scratching my head in my pre-sampler owning days and wondering how the heck it was done. Fabulous sample choices, and nice and long too - handy for those DJ set comfort breaks.

18) John Martyn - ‘Sunshine’s Better’ (Talvin Singh Mix), from the 1996 Go! Discs promo 12” SSB1.

Talking of long tracks, here’s 10 minutes plus of John Martyn and the balearic classic ‘Sunshine’s Better’ reworked beautifully by Talvin Singh. John was another of the artists on Go! Discs when I was plugging for them, and I think it’s widely accepted he was a challenging character at that stage of his career. Still an amazing songwriter and performer though, and sounding as good as ever on the album ‘And’ from which ‘Sunshine’s Better’ is taken. Phil Collins on drums too.

19) Incognito - ‘Out Of The Storm’ (C’s Planet E Mix), from the 1996 Talkin’ Loud promo 12” TLDJ54.

If you were putting together a downtempo set in ’96, and you had ‘Sunshine’s Better’, you needed this Carl Craig mix of ‘Out Of The Storm’ for sure. Hip hop drum loops, swirling synth pads, a wobbly flute sample and some perfectly placed little bass guitar fills and turnarounds made this perfect in so many ways. I was VERY excited to get a promo copy, and definitely felt I had ‘arrived’ as a DJ when this came through the letterbox one morning. old DJ voice “Those were the days.” LOL.

20) Freddie King - ‘Gambling Woman Blues’, from the 1977 RSO LP ‘Freddie King (1934-1976)’.

In case you were worried I’d skipped over my love of the blues with just one track, here’s a less well known number from Freddie King, recorded during sessions with Eric Clapton and his band in the early ’70s, just a few years before King’s untimely death in 1976. I’ve got plenty of albums by the ‘Three Kings’ (Albert, B.B and Freddie) and they all had some very funky moments in the late sixties and early seventies. This posthumous compilation album was also in the collection of the family I used to babysit for, another tape that had pretty much worn out before I could track down my own vinyl copy, which, as you can hear, has been well played too. Again, a track that seems to fade just as it’s getting going, but fear not - there’s a 20+ minute version on some of the popular streaming services.

21) Donny Hathaway - ‘What’s Going On?’ from the 2014 ATCO Records LP ‘Live At The Bitter End 1971’.

I heard Gilles Peterson play tracks from this album on his 6 Music Show on Record Store Day in 2014. RSD often falls on my birthday weekend, so I thought I’d treat myself to this re-issue (with previously unissued tracks) of Donny Hathaway’s 1971 shows at the Bitter End on Bleecker Street in New York City. Although there aren’t many artists that can make a convincing go of covering Marvin Gaye, Donny is definitely one of them, and ‘What’s Going On?’ sounds just as relevant today as it ever did. I felt it was an appropriate choice, given the state of the world today, my love of black music and the fact that my whole music career is based on it. Once more, for the people at the back, BLACK LIVES MATTER.

22) Wes Montgomery - ‘Sun Down’, from the 1966 Verve Records LP ‘California Dreaming’.

3 quid from, you’ve guessed it, Avid Records. Bargain. I listened to an absolute ton of blues guitarists in my late teens, but it was a few years later that I started going sideways into jazz guitar, falling in love with the soul jazz / acid jazz sound of Grant Green and Ivan ‘Boogaloo Joe’ Jones, before finding the earlier generation - the likes of Barney Kessel, Kenny Burrell, Joe Pass and Wes Montgomery. Tricky to pick between them to be honest, but it seemed this upbeat and optimistic big band number from the 1966 ‘California Dreaming’ album by Wes Montogomery, a mixture of contemporary pop covers and jazz standards, with Herbie Hancock on piano, and engineered by Rudy Van Gelder - two more heroes of mine - was a good way to close out my Dusk Dubs choices.

#lp #7 #dusk dubs #dr rubberfunk mix #my life at 45 #vinyl collection #record collection #mixtape #vinyl mix #soul #jazz #blues #funk #singer songwriter #wes montgomery #donny hathaway #freddie king #eric clapton #incognito #carl craig #talkin loud #acid jazz #mo wax #john martyn #freak power #dj krush #routes in jazz #urban species #izo fitzroy #emily king

[airadam]

Episode 115 : Our Streets

"Watch the roads before crossing."

- Tyler

Beating the deadline, coming in a few hours before the New Year, giving you time to play this on the way out - or if you're staying in! This month's mix has some of my favourite tracks of 2018, as well as some choice selections from deeper in the crates. Enjoy the listen, and spread the word!

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

The Mouse Outfit : Late Night Doors

One of Manchester's finest crews blessed us with the acclaimed "Jagged Tooth Crook" album this year and they continue to bring the quality every time out. New collaborator Berry Blacc takes his place on the mic alongside old hands Dubbul O and Ellis Meade for some quality low-tempo flavour, with the beat being an absolute gem. The drums, bass, and piano are all played without flash and to absolutely perfect combined effect - the mark of musicians who know exactly what they're doing!

Maes & Fybre : This One

Pure Manchester again, with these two dub producers almost outlawing everything that isn't bass on this one! One of the many (seriously, many) great tracks on the "From Manchester With Love" compilation.

Curren$y : Drone Footage

I pretty much planned this segment in reverse, and this was the last tune to fall into place. 70-ish BPM is a tricky speed for Hip-Hop, unless it's got trap-type production like this - which ironically was so slow I had to boost it up a bit! Not much to say about this succinct track - a bite-sized portion of Curren$y's signature lifestyle rap over an 808-heavy beat. Pick it up on this year's "Parking Lot Music" EP.

Andy Mineo & Wordsplayed as Magic & Bird : Kidz

I think I found this album on a random Spotify search and was drawn in by the "Magic & Bird" theme - as it turns out, it gave me a great tune for my gym playlist! Andy Mineo isn't someone I've heard before but he's a Christian Hip-Hop artist (well, that would explain the sudden prayer right before the last hook!) out of NYC who's been recording for the last five years or so. Apparently the lyrical theme for this one came from the producer Beam, who, when Mineo complained on hearing the beat that he wanted to get away from the trap sound, told him "just do one for the kids!" Mineo and Wordsplayed ride the beat ably and prove him dead right :)

Z-Ro : Like A Rocket

With the recent release of the "Sadism" album, and last year's "Codeine", it looks like the retirement is off! I'm always here for Ro's half-sung, half-rapped delivery style, and it fits perfectly over Risko Funk's 80s ballad-sampled track. The original flavour isn't overwhelmed by the drums or extra bass, but there are lots of nice touches along the way - heavy filters sweeping in, extreme pitch shifting on the drums towards the end, and a general tendency to make you want to replay the tune :) I don't know if the track title is taken from K-Rino's quote from a Houston Chronicle article a couple of years back, but if so then it's a great connection! Oh yes - didn't realise I bought the clean version of this until I put it in the mix :)

Zero 7 ft. Hidden : Mono

After a long hiatus, Zero 7 are back and I'm always interested to hear what they're bringing. This single starts off with pure spacey vibes before the solid drum line comes in, followed by the vocals of Hidden - soulful, and also restrained. 

Kaytranada : Nevalie

A very old one from the man out of Montreal, first posted on his Soundcloud about six years ago. Took a while to find a good track to follow the Zero 7, but EQing this one down to just the snare and trappy hi-hats initially opened up a really good opportunity for a mix!

Children of Zeus x Black Milk : Won't End Well

Manchester and Detroit combination! When this was released at the start of December I thought it was a one-off single, only to be completely surprised on Xmas Eve with the release of "The Winter Tape", an essential and completely free album! This track featured appropriately bleak and sparse production from Black Milk while Konny and Tyler describe the lack of happy endings in the street game - as your parents certainly did if they're anything like mine. 2018 has absolutely been the year of Zeus and they're carrying big momentum into 2019.

1982 ft. Lil' Fame and Haile Supreme : It's On You

The union of Termanology and Statik Selektah has finally returned for their second full LP "Still 1982" - and not before time. The hi-hat-less drums and occasional chimes in this beat made it mix smoothly with "Won't End Well" and got it the nod over another cut that we'll definitely play here in the future. Haile Supreme is new to me but the soul he puts into the hook certainly grabs your attention, and M.O.P's Lil' Fame steals the show on the rhyme side, though Termanology is absolutely solid as always.

Marco Polo ft. Invincible : Drunken Sleuth

It's always good to hear Invincible, who is always one to come with high-quality bars. In the guise of an overlooked drunk, she takes on corruption, homelessness, and the lack of democracy in her home city of Detroit on this ambitious and well-executed track. This is one where it's well worth reading her own annotated lyrics to get more background on the specifics. Beat-wise, Marco Polo is one of the finest in recent years and his work here and on the rest of the "PA2 : The Director's Cut" album is a great example of modern production that is inspired by a classic sensibility.

Cormega ft. Chantelle Nandi : More

The Queensbridge veteran brings a positive, uplifting message on this selection from the 2014 "Mega Philosophy" album, with the vocalist Chantelle Nandi making her debut appearance. As the album title suggests, the 30-minute collection is centred around this kind of theme, so it's definitely worth taking a short while to hear the whole thing!

Doo Wop : Castle To Castle (Instrumental)

I was torn in planning over whether to play the vocal version or just this beat, but the direction the mix went in meant that we'll save the Raekwon bars for another episode. This is the A-side to a vinyl that features the Rahzel-voiced "Ten Tape Commandments" on the flip, with both of course produced by one of the undisputed legends of the mixtape game.

Pusha T : Numbers On The Boards

Stomping, aggressive tune from Pusha's first solo album "My Name Is My Name" with Don Cannon, Kanye, and 88 Keys all combining to provide the production. No matter how good the beat though, you come to Pusha T for lyrical ability and he brings it as per usual - double-meanings aplenty as he dresses down any and all challengers. Michael Kors also catches a stray on the second verse!

The Step Brothers : Step Masters

I hadn't played this album for a while and am not sure how the illness of this cut slid managed to be forgotten by me for so long! Evidence and Alchemist are both underrated on the mic, and Alchemist must get the biggest "WTF?" laugh for "flippin'... like things that flip" :) The energy in this track is much more than you'd think possible given that it's only about 91 BPM, which is a credit to the production from these two heavyweights. Oh yes - do have a genuine laugh at the video!

Alchemist & Prodigy : We Got This

I was sure that one of the samples from the previous track had been used by Alchemist before, and I was right! This version is from the "Chemistry Files" mixtape, but for the full version you'll need to find the bootleg 12" single that includes it.

Camp Lo : Love Is Love

Just the right tech-sounding track to fit this space in the mix! This wasn't even my favourite track on 2017's "The Get Down Brothers" but it's a great example of how Sonny and Geechi aren't afraid to jump on different kinds of beats and lace them with their trademark slang waterfall.

K-Murdock : New Religion

A friend of the show who is an endlessly creative beatsmith, and his "Soundscapes Vol.2" is a mix of video game-inspired beats and instrumentals from his work with MCs. I had this one playing in the house and found a good home for it here :)

9th Wonder ft. Skyzoo and Ness : Let It Bang

Closing with pure slick-talking battle rap here from the "The Dream Merchant 2" compilation, all produced by 9th Wonder, then only about five years into his career. The drums and bass definitely have the classic flavour of early 9th, as well as the great chop/re-purposing of a nice soul sample. It's all east on the mic, with Brooklyn's Skyzoo and Ness from Philadelphia (you may know him from Da Band) trading bars and telling us to play this until you break the tape - which I suppose gives away the age of the track...

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[lagroupie]

Interview : Vacations

Vacations on the lakeside in Nyon through my Olympus Trip, right before going to the restaurant.

A few weeks ago, I went to Nyon to meet an Australian band called Vacations. I was very happy to be there to witness the band’s first concert in Switzerland, and as usual I took my Olympus camera with me. Many people had come out to watch them play, and they sounded great. After the concert, we ended up going to Nyon’s old town, climbing a pointy fence - even I ended up doing it, although with zero coordination - and going to our local “beach”, which made the band laugh a lot. I mean, Léman lake doesn’t really have any waves!

Besides their music, what I liked about Vacations was their honesty and their accent full of Australian sunshine - which was more than welcome, as we had had a pretty cold week. I like to think that they brought the warm weather with them, because it was gone as soon as they left!

Before the concert, I had a little conversation with Campbell about the band’s new album Changes, his life in Newcastle and the local scene, and his newly-found celebrity. Many thanks to Vacations, Ben and Joren for their kindness!

To get to know you better, I wanted to know what your life was like in Newcastle when you’re not touring.

Campbell Burns: Hmm… when I’m not touring, I try to take it very easy and just relax – no pun intended to the song! (laughs) Because I don’t actually have a job outside of Vacations and my other band Fritz, I’m solely just a musician, I just write and record. So if I’m not touring, I’ll be doing that. Or I’ll be hanging out with friends, and I’ll be helping manage my collective No-Fi back home, who put on events. It’s a group of artists and musicians who work together and boost each other up.

Yeah, I was going to ask you about it too! And for some reason I thought No-Fi was also a label?

Yeah, we started out as a record label and then we tried to put out music consistently. And it worked out for a little bit, but we started when most of us were… 18, 19. Because we just wanted to help each other out. But then it got to a point where it’s like, “we’re not really a record label, we don’t know what we’re doing. So let’s just put on really big parties and events instead, and try and boost the profiles of ourselves, the musicians of Newcastle, and also nationally by trying to bring in other bands and musicians to Newcastle. Trying to foster the creative scene in Newcastle. Because it’s a small coastal city. A lot of bands will just… pass over it you know. They will play Sidney and they will go to Wollongong, but they won’t come to Newcastle. It’s like- what about Newcastle, what about this city? So through what all the musicians and the artists do independently, and also together as a collective, we try to put on these really big events and try to get people to recognize Newcastle as a city of cultural significance.

That’s great! We should try and do the same here. We have a small scene, and people try to lift each other up, but perhaps we’re missing a collective like yours. We just… do things, I guess? (laughs)

When you’re starting out, it can seem really daunting. When I was 18 or 19, putting out EPs I would ask myself “wow, where do I play? Who do I talk to? What about backline? Who do I get for support?”. But you talk and mingle with other musicians of the area, and they’re all in the same position as well. And it’s like “hey, why don’t we all just work together and try and put these things forward?” Because everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and that’s something we recognize with No-Fi. So by banding together, we can take those steps forward a lot more easier. And make the process more possible.

Campbell in Nyon

From what I’ve understood, it’s your first time in Europe right?

Yes! First time in Europe as a band. I’m having a great time. It’s a huge tour- the biggest tour I’ve ever done. I got hit up by Joren from The Lullabye Factory. He sent me an email and came through with a few offers. He said he’d heard the EPs Vibes and Days on YouTube, and he wanted to book a European tour. I was initially a bit sketchy on it, I thought it might have been spam or something! (laughs) But he came with a few really good offers, and then started to book more and more shows. I thought “ok, this is a very legit thing”. I told the band “guys, we can go to Europe. There’s guarantees, we should be okay and able to make this work out.” And here we are! It’s been a lot of fun so far. This is four shows in to our tour, and I think we have another 20 dates or so. It’s really hard to keep track, we’re in a different country every single day.

Haha! I guess you must be like “wait, where am I? What language do they speak here?”

Yeah, the language barrier has been kind of interesting as well. I know just a tiny bit of French, like “Bonjour” or “merci”! Just basic phrases. I’m just trying to incorporate it into our banter. Because we get up on stage and we’re like “what do we say?” (laughs) We don’t really know if they’re going to understand what we’re saying. So we’ve been speaking a bit of French the past couple of shows, and it’s been well received!

I also wanted to talk about Changes. I’ve read in a few interviews that the lyrics were inspired by your personal experiences…

Definitely. It’s kind of an introspective record, and I wanted to be very blunt with the title as well. I didn’t want to give it some fancy word. I wanted it to be like “ok, this album is about changes; you know what you’re getting into”. It documents the last year or so in my life, and all the movements that I went through- with songs like Moving Out, that’s about myself, Jake and my old housemate and good friend John. Moving out of home for the first time, and the experience that came with that. Another song, Club Social, is dealing with the online reception that Vibes got and how that affected us personally. Just getting messages every single day from fans saying “come to this country!”, “this song affected my life, you’ve helped me get through this moment” or “can I have the tabs to this?”. It’s really crazy receiving that, because that only came out last year or something. So much has happened so quickly, and it’s been a lot to take in.

Vacations at La Parenthèse

…So, when you write lyrics, would you say that you mostly get inspired from your own life?

Yeah. Some singers-songwriters can craft stories- they can make up that sort of thing. But I can’t- I could do that, but I don’t find it as interesting. I like to write based off my personal experiences, or experiences that I’ve lived vicariously through friends. If someone is going through a hard time, or if they had something cool happen to them, I might try and base something off that.

That’s interesting! I interviewed Stu from King Gizzard a while ago-

Wow King Gizzard? Huge!

Yeah, I still don’t know how it happened, they’re so nice! (laughs) So, I was asking him about that song he wrote that’s inspired from that book, The Day of The Triffids (ndlr: Cold Cadaver). He basically said: how come when someone writes a book, nobody automatically thinks that it’s about the author’s personal experiences, whereas it’s the opposite in music. We tend to think the songs’ lyrics are talking about what the singer is going through.

Which I find interesting.

Sorry, I don’t know why I said that!

No, it’s true! I do feel that a lot of the audience will always hear a song by a musician or an artist, and think “it obviously must be about them”. And that’s not always the case- in my own case it is about myself, but I recognize other singers-songwriters try and craft stories, like King Gizzard- where they’ve got a whole universe of songs supposedly! But… yeah! (laughs)

I also wanted to talk about my favorite song from the album, Be There. I really like the lyrics and the rhythm-

Yeah, the 6/8 drumming pattern! That’s a fun song. That’s actually a song me and Nate wrote together. It’s the only song on the album that got re-done, it was on an old EP called Friends, which came out a year or two ago. We were looking at the album and at the tracklisting and thinking, “this needs to change up, all the songs are in 4/4. We need some funky, dancy song”. It was always part of our live set, and always got received really well. So we looked at that song and thought about how we could make it a little bit better, and how we could revisit it and make it sound a bit more fresh. So we took that, re-recorded it and added some extra parts to it. I added a lot more vocal harmonies to it as well. I think it’s a lot nicer, it flows really well.

Finally, if you had to drink one thing for the rest of your life, what would you choose between tomato juice and red wine?

Hmm… Honestly I think I would die if I just drank red wine every day! But I probably say red wine anyway. It sounds really nice! (laughs) Tomato juice just doesn’t sound pleasant. I think I’d be very healthy with tomato juice, but red wine sounds a bit more fun!

Ndlr: A group of young girls passes by. They recognize Campbell.

Please join us! (laughs) That’s so great! You have a lot of fans!

That’s weird- imagine having fans in all these countries, it’s just bizarre! Like, when we were playing in Paris at Olympic Café, third song in, a guy in the background yells “Moving Out!” and we were like “oh my God that’s the next song that we’re gonna play!” and then that guy is singing all the lyrics and dancing around! And I’m like “this is wild, I’m on the other side of the world and people are just into it!” That’s crazy, it feels like a dream. But it’s real. It’s really sweet.

https://www.facebook.com/vacationsfanclub/

#vacations #vacationsband #lagroupieenglish #la parenthese #nyon

[palethorpedj-blog]

All About You

It’s become apparent of recent, well saying recent over the past years really that there are varying levels and expectations of those in the industry OR wanting to be in the industry.

There are the old school who know what they do, they do it monotonously liken its ingrained in their dna, BUT then there are a lot of newbies that just aren’t aware of what’s available to get themselves out there.

The SOCIALS:

To some a massive headache, to some the most useful tool on the planet. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram being the main 3 social media sites. With practice, these are great tools to be used. You can create events, do live video streaming, actually interact with a fanbase, don’t be a wallflower just watching the (Facebook) world go by. Follow those you admire and keep up to date with newest music. And possibly the easiest useful tool to help get noticed…. # yes, the simple hashtag, when tagging the right things in, people will notice.

The PROFILE:

If you haven’t got one, get one. BUT make sure the 2 are different, not everyone wants to see what you ate for lunch, or what you went to the cinema to see. So make it about your music and KEEP it about your music. Post your favourite tracks, favourite places to dj, go out clubbing, and In other words keep it RELEVENT.

The EVENT

So are you gigging? Playing out anywhere? On any shows? – IF you don’t tell people then no one will ever know! Not saying you have to create events for everything you do BUT nothing stopping your Facebook banner having your shows on, scheduled posts with when your playing, logo’d posters pinned to your wall. As much as you can say, “I do enough”…when you look at it…Do you? Or is there more you can do (90% of the time there’s always more)

The BRANDS

Now a contentious issue of recent times, and another part of expectation. A lot of people will expect/assume a brand they’re djing on will promote them, showcase them etc. WHEN in actual fact it’s the other way around. A brand nowadays has as much, if not more competition as you the dj, and therefore not just expects BUT also publicly states on their sites they want you to promote them. YOU make them bigger THEY will return the favour. Pretty much every radio station has a sentence or longer that states they expect you to promote your show on social media, some say tag the station or have the station logo on your promo material, so to some this is not new information. This is more a ‘standard practice’.

The MIUSIC SITES

There are a mass of music-based sites out there for you to upload mixes and tracks onto and stream/download to fans, let alone link to social media accounts. Mixcloud, HearThis and Soundcloud are the biggest 3 and free sites to use. All are simple, upload, add tags, tracklist and publish sites, then giving you a link or directly posting on your socials where people can then go and listen/download the music of choice. BUT don’t forget to promote the mix, everywhere to push what you do to listeners/new listeners. There are masses of sites out there dedicated to mixes ad free to use, so use them.

The COLLABORATION

What screams “listen to THIS”? Well if you ant that extra bit of coverage then get collaborating with someone, either look to guest mix on their show OR vice versa, sometimes they may have higher profile than you, so it can be beneficial either way to work together, that way there’s 2 people promoting the one event, therefore double the audience (in theory).

As well as double-teaming on collaborations, look for new artists music, Soundcloud is great for this, you find a new track that blows your mind, and all you do is contact them artist, ask if you can use and win, win you have a grateful artist of getting some airplay, and again doubling the promotion base. Some of the best tracks or remixes you will ever hear come from artists you may have never heard of, there are dj’s out there that only use brand new, unsigned artists work and work closely with those artists to gain all round and increase the listeners overall.

The ACTIVITY

I have mentioned this above BUT its that important, its worth talking about again. Bering active is the most important thing about any artist especially nowadays in a world where everyone is an artist and the competition has never been so high.

Keep your social media pages up to date, there’s nothing worse than going onto an artist’s page in April and seeing their last post as December the year before.

If you have nothing to post, go and make a mix or teaser track to post, keep the listener base updated.

Post when you have gigs or shows coming up, tag in the brands your working with, post your track of choice, monthly top 10, inspiring images/quotes, anything that keeps your page updated and listeners know you’re doing more than nothing.

Get LIVE; using the Facebook live video, Twitter, Instagram video apps, they are free easy to use tools, which give a more realistic connection to any fan/listener base.

Be REAL

Yes most radio shows are pre-recorded, BUT that doesn’t stop you being on air when your show is on and giving a ‘live experience’ chatting in any forum or chat room with anyone listening in. post your tracks, people often hear a track and want to know what it is, so tell them. By being on air whilst your mix is on gives you something of an extra edge in the interactive experience.

THEN use the radio show pages to post your mix IF/WHEN its uploaded onto a mix site, this helps those who missed it, catch up with it. Also use ant other pages/groups you’re in to do the same, spread the word.

So, in short you have to put in the work, to get what you want from what you do. Never assume, always read the fine print and if ever in doubt, the biggest and best tool to use is quite simply… ASK.

Palethorpe

#djpromotion

[magnusmade]

Warm chocolate pouring over the famous Mile High Pie – Pontchartrain Hotel

The following morning, I woke up with a bit of a much-deserved headache. I think I was slightly hung over… most likely. After strolling the French Quarter the previous day, we stopped for a full dinner at Café Sbisa on Decatur Street. I had eaten some of my blackened fish accompanied by many full glasses of water. (As you may recall, I had had 3 drinks by lunch and it was enough for me.)

Where was I? Oh, right: the hang over. It wasn’t too bad; just a basic headache. I needed a coffee really bad. So, I popped down to the Silver Whistle Café located in the lobby of my hotel. I ordered my Americano, with an extra shot because I don’t know. Anyway, I stared at the array of freshly baked goods behind the glass: warm Southern biscuits, buttery croissants, bustling muffins, and more. I ordered a ‘croque monsieur’ to go – ham and cheese croissant sandwich – brought it to my room and scoffed it down like a ravaging beast. Immediately, the headache was gone! And I smiled from ear to ear.

It was Sunday morning. I had scheduled an elegant brunch at the famed Commander’s Palace in the Garden District. I donned my favorite navy blue sports jacket and even popped on a bowtie that I had just learned to tie a week prior. (Pat on my back.) Stepping out of my hotel, I crossed St. Charles Street and proceeded into the quaint streets of the Garden District. I walked down the streets of Prytania, First, and Coliseum, admiring the incredible houses that lined each. I found the former home of the celebrated author Anne Rice – known for her vampire and witch book series that are set in New Orleans; and one of the main reasons why I wanted to ever visit New Orleans in the first place. I don’t know who owns the house now, but I bet you they are annoyed by tourists like me.

I continued to waltz along, passing the home of Archie Manning – famous New Orleans Saints football player, and father of the famous Eli and Peyton Manning. I continued along looking for the former home of musician Trent Reznor, and inconspicuously sneaking a peek of movie star Sandra Bullock’s home. Eventually, I made it to the house that was once a boarding house where F. Scott Fitzgerald once stayed just after publishing This Side of Paradise – his first novel – and while still courting Zelda.

The stroll through the Garden District was lovely, but I was dying of heat in my heavy navy blue sports jacket. Eventually, I slid on over to the bright blue Commander’s Palace; the reason I was even dressed up so nicely on this darn hot day.

We were seated in the main room to experience the famous and classic New Orleans Jazz brunch. As we ate, the three-piece band – trumpeter/vocalist, bass, and banjo player – made its rounds from table to table singing by request.

Jazz Brunch

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We had a 3-course meal, starting with a yogurt and fresh local strawberries. My main course of choice was the cornmeal crusted catfish on top of sautéed crawfish tails, red beans and grits; accompanied by a thyme-infused cocktail. My brunch companion ordered eggs Benedict, but instead of ham, the eggs sat on top a pile of slow braised pulled-pork, which sat on top of a beautiful biscuit. The jazz band continued from table to table, in the main room and out to the courtyard and back, stopping at our table again during dessert. My dessert of choice was the pecan pie a la mode.

Soon after brunch, we hustled back to my hotel to change out of the heavy elegant attire, and into more comfortable heat appropriate garb. Our other friends met us at the hotel for an afternoon cocktail on the hotel’s popular rooftop bar, Hot Tin. The bar’s name was a nod to local author Tennessee Williams’ famous play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Here, I had my second cocktail of the day: a pineapple upside-down daiquiri.

We collected ourselves and proceeded to tour the Garden District some more, starting with Lafayette Cemetery. After a short walk-through, the groundskeeper walked around with a megaphone and blow horn, warning all that the gates would be closing early. So, we hustled out and headed down to Magazine Street for more strolling. We stopped at the popular pastry shop Sucré for incredibly wonderful macaron; my favorites were Pineapple-Coconut and Bananas Foster.

Later, we had dinner at Coquette on Magazine Street – a locally sourced restaurant. The meal started with fried chicken and pickles. The rest of the meal included a garden salad, one of us had pasta with lamb neck Bolognese, and seafood stew. The meal was absolutely delicious and I recommend it to anyone that will be in the area. After a cheesecake type dessert, we went back to my hotel for a nightcap… and maybe an unintentional second dessert?

Back at the Bayou Bar – my favorite spot in my hotel – we ended the night with Chef John Besh’s revival of the Pontchartrain Hotel’s famous Mile High Pie. With it, we enjoyed cocktail experiments by the hotel bartender. When the pie arrived: Oh boy! Yes, a very tall, three-layer ice cream pie: chocolate, vanilla and strawberry, sitting on a thin chocolate cookie crust, and topped with a cloud of toasted meringue. The server placed the pie on the bar in front of us and proceeded to pour warm chocolate sauce all over it. I was too happy to feel guilty for ordering this second dessert.

Mile High Pie

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-Day 3 coming soon.-

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Silver Whistle Cafe

Posing in front of the former home of the celebrated goth author Anne Rice.

Boarding house where F. Scott Fitzgerald once stayed.

Commander’s Palace

Cornmeal crusted catfish on top of sautéed crawfish tails, red beans and grits. Accompanied by a thyme-infused cocktail.

Crow in the Garden District.

Pineapple Upside-Down Daiquiri – at Hot Tin rooftop bar.

Hot Tin in comfortable clothing.

Macaron at Sucré – Pineapple-Coconut (blue) and Bananas Foster (yellow)

Wall at Lafayette Cemetery.

Lafayette Cemetery

Naked Mile High Pie

Doused Mile High Pie.

New Orleans: Day 2 – Garden District, Fancy Jazz Brunch, and the Revival of a Famous Dessert. The following morning, I woke up with a bit of a much-deserved headache. I think I was slightly hung over… most likely.