#zoro's so gay i am sorry i can't | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gellavonhamster · 2 months

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assigning each straw hat pirate a knight of the round table

because I am currently obsessed both with One Piece and Arthuriana; not any kind of serious AU material, just silliness; I Wrote This for Me but You Can Read If You Like

Luffy: Arthur, not due to any similarities in characterization but purely on the functional level - the boy king, the inspirational leader and, as Sun God Nika, a mythical figure believed to return when people need him the most

Zoro: Lancelot, the perfect warrior who embodies that post that's like "it's not my fault that my love language is acts of service and all I know how to do is kill". There is no Queen Guinevere here, so all the undying devotion is aimed at the king instead. Canonically has massive tits. Mihawk is thus implied to be the Lady of the Lake, and I think that's hilarious

Nami: hear me out: Kay. Sharp-tongued, rather cynical, but loyal to a fault to his king/adopted little brother. Nami as part of the Coward Trio vs. Kay being unlucky on quests and generally the butt of the joke. Isn't known to be a great warrior but occupies an important position (navigator vs. seneschal) that keeps the ship/court going. Besides, looking from the opposite direction, I just think Kay deserves to be the hot girl

Usopp: Usopp, sweetie, I'm so sorry, but I gotta say Tristan. Because Tristan is constantly lying about his identity in the most ridiculous manner possible and it somehow works. That part in Le Morte d'Arthur when he's asked what his name is and goes "Tramtrist" and no one suspects a thing even though "Tramtrist" is just "Tristram" with syllables switched around has big Sniper King energy. Also, can't forget the beautiful blonde healer girlfriend

Sanji: oh, that's the easiest one. Gawain. The Maidens' Knight, the ladies' man, a great warrior and one of the king's closest and most trusted men. If you put together Gawain's characterizations from different texts, from SGATGK to Le Morte to the Vulgate & Post-Vulgate to Chrétien de Troyes to everything, you end up with a contradictory character who is simultaneously the best and the worst guy you'll ever meet, which is how I often feel about Sanji, tbh. Would totally fight at a tournament on behalf of a little girl. Has some kind of an epic gay thing with Lancelot

Chopper: Yvain. Son of a sorceress - ah, pardon, a woman of science; associated with animals; known to be nice and kind (the Vulgate Cycle describes him as the one "whose heart will be filled with every kindness"). Occasionally goes insane in the woods (Monster Point), but, like, who doesn't

Robin: try as I might, I can't pull any direct parallels out of my ass, but I do think that narratively she can be seen as kind of a quasi-Mordred. Since her very childhood she was proclaimed to be bad news and expected to eventually cause a catastrophe, but where Mordred, whom no one tries to persuade the prophecy doesn't define him, ends up becoming exactly what he's expected to become, Robin has people who support her and trust her even after witnessing her be the bad guy in the past, so she never becomes the evil others expect her to turn into

Franky: Sagramore the Desirous (or the Unruly, depending on the text/translation) is a big, strong, good-natured knight who probably has low blood sugar needs to have a snack after fighting because otherwise he'll pass out, much like a certain cyborg needs his cola. In the Post-Vulgate, he and Mordred were raised together, which can be linked to Frobin's fates being intertwined since childhood, because I've Connected the Dots (you didn't connect shit)

Brook: I wanted to pick a character of the older generation who nevertheless isn't a mentor figure to Arthur, and I struggle to think of a better option than Pellinore - not the predatory piece of shit in the medieval texts, but the eccentric but loveable old man in Camelot (1967). Brook is also on a quest focused on an extraordinary beast! Only he's not hunting it, he's trying to get back to it because that beast is his friend 🥺

Jinbei: I honestly don't remember if he counts as the Knight of the Round Table, but I am hereby appointing him Ector - Arthur's adoptive father and one of the nicest parental figures in Arthuriana (and probably one of the nicest people in Arthuriana, period). I've also considered Galehaut for the "(partially) non-human ruler who allies himself with Arthur" angle, but that would imply Jinbei/Zoro and I'm not ready to deal with that.

#one piece #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #cat burglar nami #god usopp #black leg sanji #tony tony chopper #nico robin #cyborg franky #soul king brook #jinbei #gella talks one piece #talk talk talk #initially this included a line about sagramore being a himbo & franky being a genius engineer easily mistaken for a himbo #but i ctrl+f'd through a couple of volumes of the vulgate & i can't find what prompted me to think of sagramore as a himbo. besides Vibes #wouldn't wanna throw unwarranted accusations around

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gildedmuse · 2 years

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OK look I just watched One Piece: Film Gold, and I just need to talk about the OUTFITS for a second here… specifically Zoro’s.

They’re all good, don’t get me wrong, but the CATSUIT

I mean…

Just imagine Zoro wearing this with Law’s pirate flag on the back as a uniform… Law wouldn’t get anything done.

Or Mihawk seeing this? He would absolutely HAVE to fight Zoro the second he saw what he was wearing… obviously to test how far Zoro has come along - no other reason

I mean come on! He’s literally doing the Black Widow pose here!

Sorry for yelling but no one ever seems to talk about this outfit so I needed to talk to SOMEONE about how good this look is!!

It's not just a shared fashion sense, Zoro actually has a lot in common with Black Widow. They both like to pretend they're the Realistic & Serious Faced teammate, but neither of them bother to zip their "tactical" cat suit more than halfway up at any time, and spend a ridiculous amount of time giving all their gear/attacks thematically matching names. To be fair, are YOU going to be the baddie who informs them that, actually, no one really notices any of that since they tend to be busy, you know, running for their lives....

This reminded me that I currently have roughly 400 screencaps from One Piece: Gold on my phone. I keep meaning to write up some reviews of the movies, since I know a lot of fans don't bother to watch them, but at the same time so many are....

Well, what's a good way to put this?

Oh, right: Gay As Fuck (For Zoro). THAT'S the good way to say it, the good and accurate way. The One Piece films may not be canon, but they are definitely Gay As Fuck (For Zoro).

It's sort of one of their running themes.

[Okay, so I know I'm a Zoro fan and have the habit of making things more about him than they really are but also.... I didn't write this dialogue. You can't pin that on me.]

The cat suit definitely gets points for looking like how I imagine Zoro would look if Law put him in one of those baggy boiler suits he has for the rest of the crew. He has every intention of keeping Zoro-ya safe from the wandering gaze of all those perverts out there (*openly glaring at Mihawk*) who would use any excuse to oogle HIS Kenshi-ya. Actually, multiple movies have provided a great way to illustrate Law's relationship with how Vice Captain Zoro looks wearing a Heart Pirate uniform.

Like, Law went for Heart Of Gold:

Something that would probably protect Zoro-ya from the cold, you know, and also all those longing gazes and eager hands and stretchy arms and - maybe they should just get Zoro-ya a suit made of sea stone. And less of a suit more of a cage.

But it's Zoro, and no matter how much you bundle him up, you can't contain that much hotness (or that much muscle).

So he ends up more Stampede:

[For the record, I am still pissed that they have us a movie based around pirate*con - which anyone who has been to a convention can tell you are basically hook up parties but with much better costumes - that included Law as a central character and even put Zoro in what is CLEARLY some All Hearts Cosplay a knock off Hearts Pirate uniform, and yet the boys almost never actually interact. That's how you know the threat is real: Law didn't get on the SunnyGo, take one look at Zoro and immediately stop mid-sentence. "It's more dire than I had assumed, Mugiwara-ya." *Eying Zoro up and down* "I'm working on new strategy, and I will need to borrow your swordsmen. It's the only way to make me come. Make him come to us. Whatever. ROOOOOM! SHAMBLES!"]

[Oh, but don't worry. Law may not have shown up just to stand there openly staring at Zoro's ass, but at least one sword welding former shichibukai has that covered. Because these movies are just so very, very gay for Zoro.]

I imagine Bepo tried doing that thing up so many times the zipper eventually came off. Well, someone has to look out for their little kenshi's modesty! Sure, it's a little less dressed than Law would like others to see Zoro-ya (and a little more dressed than Law wants him) but he's in uniform and it fits and shows off Law 's jolly Roger, that's what's important.

Skip ahead two years and Zoro has filled out quite a bit. Like.... quite a bit. Honestly, no one even expects that old boiler suit of his to even fit anymore.

But Zoro isn't going to eschew his captain's jolly Roger just because he got a little bigger and the stupid suit a little smaller (Penguin: That's not what happened....) So he pulls it on and, hey, look! It's a bit tight in some places but it still fits.

It fits like Gold:

No, seriously, look at his arms in this shirt. Whoever made these clothes was definitely working with a devil's fruit because that suit looks like sin on him and makes people wet and weak.

Of course, on a story telling level, I have to be objective and point out that the outfit was clearly a mistake. Just look at the way it hugs that boy's muscles. It makes it impossible NOT to emphasize with the bad guy. After all, given half the chance, I can't promise I also wouldn't try and kidnap Zoro and ask him to "repay his debt" to me on my private island where prostitution is definitely legal.

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captainwholecake · 4 years

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The Straw Hats reacting to you being a mermaid with a devil fruit power

A/n: I'm doing the straw hats since you didn't say which characters exactly and Fluffy is supposed to be in place of Luffy (and sorry if this is written weird)

Warnings: fluffy shit and Luffy being Luffy, Idk if there will be anything else or not

——

Monkey D. Fluffy

The effect this kid has on me IS HARD

GOd, he'd been so FUCKING EXCITED man

He's Luffy l-

He just wants to know how it effects you and shit

It also probably finds how you adapted to it really cool

Mf'er would probably ask you to join the crew/ or you end just traveling with them for a while

Luffy straight up would be excited just of you being a mermaid and how the fuck you get around without the water thing

Unless the devil fruit allows you to do stuff to get you underwater or whatever?

He generally be just Luffy at you and be cautious as ever

Zoro

Sword daddy really doesn't have any reaction but "hmm" to me

He be interested not gonna lie

He's sword daddy after all

Idk I feel like this bastard would just straight up watch Ussop, Luffy, and Chopper just be amazed but you

And be like lowkey "what the fuck? It's mermaid who can't be in water?" or something

imagine the soft smile he would have seeing Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp surrounding you and just be amazed

aw, I'm not FUCKING okay

I honestly don't know what else he'd do? He seems like the type to be a little impressed by the power if it something cool?

Like he would have that almost impressed face the moment he hears and all

Nami

I love this girl so much and I haven't written stuff for her in so long

I feel like she would like kinda in to it?

She would also get mad at the dumbass trio for bothering you

Honestly, I feel like y'all would get along great

And she would also be impressed by the devil fruit power if it was strong and would feel bad that you can no longer go in water

Nami has the vibe of someone who every could get a long with tbh (Probably because she was a thief at one point) but I feel like y'all would have entire conversation over your situation and shit

In my mind, Nami is some material tho

Like she cares OKAY SHE CARES - homegirl would care

She just seems chill with it tbh

Usopp

Idk why but my favorite Usopp is the newest animation style Usopp? He just looks very good animated in it?

So, we have the dumbass trio-

That's it

Those three who just get amazed by everything

I feel like Luffy and him would keep trying to push each other out the way while chopper's in the middle

I feel like all them would just ask a shit ton of questions

Homeboy would just be impressed

He's part of the dumbass trio

Honestly, The dumbass trio is all I have

Sanji

Older sanji/new animations sanji hits fucking different

Okay, first of all he'd be excited if you are gal (honestly, I like the idea of sanji going both ways tho he just horny-)

Next, he gives me the same vibes everyone else but the dumbass trio would have - he'd be 'wait, you're a mermaid but can't swim?'

Why am I soft? Like I just feel like him and Nami would look at each other if you looked down while saying why you can't swim

JUST IMAGINE ABDJSNS

god I'm in pain - Everyone seems like the type to not care and think 'oh' but sanji just ugh I love him so much sometimes

He also seems like the type to get mad at the dumbass trio too

Like they're idiots but you're clearly trying to say something serious

Inclusion - He makes me softtt

Chopper

I know, he's part of the dumbass trio but he knows how you feel

He's basically a human reindeer with a blue nose

Chopper would be amazed by the devil fruit power and all if you're like a shark mermaid or something but he feels yall

He understands how it feels you know

Oh god, I just imagine you getting attracted to him some way

Who doesn't love Chopper (ngl I have keyring pop figure of him)

Okay, so chopper doesn't have much for me other than the fact his amazement is kinda different than the other two

His is more because he's chopper a humanoid reindeer with a blue nose and is a docTOR OF A FUCKING PIRATE CREW (wasn't Law surprised to hear that he was the doctor of the straw hats that one time)

Honestly, that's all I have for Chopper caused we all know how he would react tbh

Robin

I have a mentioned she's basically the reason I'm gay

Honestly, Robin would probably have a reaction in between Zoro's and Nami's

She would be like 'oh' but y'all would get to talk about it

I actually feel like she would be surprised for some reason BUT LIKE NOT A LOT

She would find it kinda cool y'know (istg im from the edge of the bible belt I'm sorry)

ROBIN IS BEST GIRL TELL ME IF IM WRONG

Baby would be so soft tho (like she isn't)

I honestly don't know how she would react

It would probably be inbetween Zoro and Nami's

Franky

This fucker is a fucking cyborg

He would totally act the same

But I have to get to nine bullets

If like he would get a little excited if it's a really cool power but feel back that you can't go back into water

tbh young Franky in the gif tho

I'm not sure how he and Brooks would act like they would be somewhat super chill about it

Three straw hats have devil fruits power too, he's a cyborg, and Brooke a skeleton from a devil fruit power all them are used to this time of stuff

But you my friend is also a mermaid and they would be little shocked because of the whole water thing

Honestly, he would be chill about it tbh and thats all

Brook

Two things

He's skeleton

And he would ask to see you're panties even though you're a fucking mermaid

Also he would feel a little bad

He's Brook

He's a soft skeleton with a panty addiction or some shit

Honestly thats the tweet

Thats all Brooke has

P.s. I love him

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beanghostprincess · 4 months

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HiyorixKuina anon again!

I was thinking about Kuina more than average and I came up with this concuction.

So you often see that in many Modern AUs you have Perona and Zoro being Mihawk's adoptive children, and while I like this what if Kuina 2as also his adoptive daughter???

Imagine, you have Zoro being an orphan from a young age so he gets taken in by his relatives. But then something horrible happens (could be Kuina's mom dying or Koushiro kills her since everybody seems to agree he is murder coded) so Kuina and Zoro are taken away by CPS and are assigned to Mihawk, who had already adopted Perona. (I hc that Moria would be her bio dad, and he lost custidy due to his experiments on corpses and other stuff)

What we get is a sit-com like dinamic of middle aged single parent swordsman with 3 kids: one is goth, one is insane, one is bith and they are all gay.

I think that Kuina would really like Mihawk since he would teach her and not discriminate (as far as we know) and he would also reconize that Kuina is a better pupil than Zoro, which would add another layer to their rivarly and relationship.

Plus Perona and Kuina being vastly different older sister who are the two opposing extemes on the lesbian spectrum but still come togheter for each other when they need it and to annoy their dumb little brother would be so funny to me. I think Kuina would protect Perona from bullies and general pricks and they would both do wierd shit togheter like mutilate their Barbies to scare people.

I think Kuina would really get along with Zoro's friends siblings, obviously Ace and maybe also Sabo since they both reject the bigoted values that some people impose, but I think she would like Nojiko as well. The two of them both know the horrors of the real world so I think they would use some of the darkest humor ever with each other. And all of them would obviously keep talking about their siblings, that can't be avoided.

I also think Kuina might be Sanji's rival too. After all he treats women vastly different from men (even if its with benevolent intentions) and Kuina woukd interprete thus as Sanji thinking women are weak. So its Zoro and Kuina coming togheter against their shared rival: swirly eyebrowed dumb cook. But ironically Kuina would be fond of the dumb cook's boyfriend, after all Usopp is also a very underrated genious who defyes people's expectation to prove himself as strong and worthy.

Bonus headcanon: Yamace and Hiyoku double dates. Wlw and mlm solidariety at its finest.

HEY BESTIE!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAA I love all of this. It's awesome. I just know Kuina and Perona would be complete opposites but would love and protect each other a lot. Like, they're weird in their own ways. People don't like Perona because she's all dark and creepy and with a very princess-like personality and people don't like Kuina much because she doesn't fall in the standard men have for women and swordsmen. So they fit together perfectly even though they're different. And they'd take care of Zoro and also make fun of him 24/7. This is great. Also, Mihawk be adopting children every fucking where. I don't know if I should be sorry for him or not. At least his family is cool. Perona is his princess <3 Kuina is his fav pupil!! And Zoro is Zoro. He's just Zoro.

This is basically the situation:

(He does care btw, he's just shitty when it comes to feelings and Zoro isn't as cute as his girls)

And yes, Kuina would definitely not stand Sanji but love Usopp. I agree completely. Their views don't match at all but well, Sanji can live with it (he can't. He's crying).

AND YAMACE AND HIYOKU DOUBLE DATES!!!!!!!! CUTE!!!!!!!!! It'd be a bit chaotic, honestly. Both couples have such a different energy 😭😭 Ace might seem a bit more relaxed but the second Yamato goes insane about something, he probably does too if he likes it. So I can definitely imagine Kuina like "I wanted this to be an actual date,, I am sorry, I should've thought about this better-" and Hiyori would just laugh softly at Yamace's shenanigans because she's having the time of her life.

#aghh they're all so cute #this is really funny we just gave another child to mihawk to take care of #at least kuina acts more like an adult than the other two #one piece #kuina one piece #perona one piece #roronoa zoro #dracule mihawk #kozuki hiyori #hiyoku #yamace

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