teamshewantsthednd

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4chan’s April Fools prank was the combining of boards.

/co/ and /ck/ are responding super well. New BFFE. 10/10

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I like the idea that sorcerers think wizards are nerds

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*whispers sweet nothings into your ear but in infernal so it’s more like a maddening non-language that sounds of the abyss and feels of a thousand beetles crawling up your spine* ;) 

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Once you go gnome, you never go home. Did I use that one already? Oh well.  Submit your stories and check out more here!

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He’s too beautiful to be lying.  Read more and submit your own stories here.

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What does happen if you die in DnD? Do you just… stop coming to the sessions?

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the signs as weird shit they did in d&d

aries: broke a temple on the first meet, which later became crucial to defeating one of the major bosses.

taurus: created a small army of tamed animals to fight for them.

gemini: exploited the rules to get a rocket pack for another player.

cancer: tried to boss everyone around but ended up arguing with themselves.

leo: made shipping charts. for everyone. killed wild animals and ate them instead of bothering to buy rations.

virgo: became a vampire. somehow convinced the dm to let them wield a chainsaw.

libra: took lawful neutral to new levels. licked everything as a free action.

scorpio: pushed taurus off a cliff. twice.

sagittarius: used a bow the entire time, even though they didn't have proficiency with it.

capricorn: fucked around for most of the campaign. somehow became part of the main villain?

aquarius: kept killing all of the npcs, even though they clearly weren't supposed to.

pisces: had civil conversations with cthulhu.

#it's homestuck

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Get naked.

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Dungeon Master Tip: D&D can be difficult to really get into for people who aren’t used to improv, because a lot of the time, they feel vulnerable and nervous about taking it seriously. To balance silly vibes and serious vibes and make sure your players are having fun in a way that moves the story along, stick a googly eye on your forehead. It’s a whimsical way to remind your shithead idiot friends that you’re their omnipotent god now, and that you can, and will, murder all of their characters if they keep guessing “dildo” as the answer to your puzzles, even when the puzzles aren’t text-based or even puzzles at all, like, what the fuck, guys, you just keep pausing every few turns and asking, “Is the answer dildo?” What’s up with that? Tell me how “dildo” is the answer to a boss battle. No, I’d love to know. I’m waiting. I can wait all day. I gots pajamas on under this velvet Party City cloak, I’m comfy as hell.

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For the Hundredth Time...

We are in a dank cave with water flowing from somewhere. Our Cleric is fighting the last enemy. Dwarf Cleric: I throw my shield, Captain America style. Me GM: Ok. (rolls nat 1) Me: You throw your shield into the river. Dwarf: What river? Me: That one. (Points to map) Dwarf: Shit.

Later… He bought another shield. First enemies. Dwarf: I throw my shield at a random guy. Me: Anyone? Dwarf: Yeah. Me: (Rolls to determine target.)(Target is himself. Rolls nat 20. To shake things up, I roll on the something happens table. “An old enemy returns…” is what I got. Me: Holy shit. So…you throw your shield, it curves round, and conks you on the skull. (Rolls max damage possible) Dwarf: At least I still have my shield. Me: A river comes crashing down the mountain, and sweeps away your shield. As it fades away, you can see your other shield in the river. Dwarf: I fight the river. Me: (rolls nat 1) Me: The river forms a water elemental, and the water elemental takes both of your shields… Me: (rolls two nat 20s) Me: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! THIS ELEMENTAL SLAPS YOU AROUND WITH BOTH OF YOUR SHIELDS UNTIL YOU ARE UNCONSCIOUS, AND THEN LEAVES. Bard: I loot him

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Our first DnD session

DM: You see a dog Barbarian: Can I roll to pet it? DM: Uh… Sure? Barbarian: *rolls a critical miss* DM: You slap the dog

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Then and now.

#ciri #aqua #nighting #Ashton #Uto #nightin #keya #dnd

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when the DM rolls to see how bad your character gets hit and he just slowly looks up at you like

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D&D players will always come up with the most bizarre, workable solutions to problems when you least expect it.

In one game I ran, the party needed to find a magical artifact and didn’t have any idea where it was at all. So they decided to use Commune to figure it out - but Commune as a spell only lets you ask yes or no questions, and get an answer out of it. So they took a map of the continent, drew a line down half of it, and asked “Is the artifact on this half of the map?”. They then continued, narrowing the artifact’s location down further and further, until they were able to pinpoint the exact building in question.

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So our dungeons and dragons group are facing their first ever dragon and I didn’t have a minifigure for it so…

TOOT TOOT