thoughtsbykae

[thoughtsbykae]

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

— Joseph Campbell

[thoughtsbykae]

currently reading

currently reading where the crawdads sing! i'm almost done with it and cant wait to give it a full review! i'm also reading some spiritual/Christian books that i'll probably review once i've really read through them. i'm hoping this will help me read more often.

#reading room #book review

[thoughtsbykae]

short life update -- a summary of posts to come

so, in the fashion of messy thoughts let me just dump what 2021 has given me. i had my first edible and learned through a series of horrible events (which included an interaction with the police) that i am genetically predispostioned to have schizophrenia or manic episodes... still trying to figure that one out. so that's been a hassle. my first year of uni is complete, and believe it or not despite having ptsd and now manic episodes i'm actually doing good in classes. i cant wait to finalize and publish my psych ward chronicles. i guess you could say it's been a long year

#short life update

[thoughtsbykae]

just an update

hi to all zero of you who will see this. i'm trying to use this more, i really want to start an active blog where i just talk about anything and everything going on in my life. like a fun public diary that approximately zero people will find. so enjoy this new blog that i'm gonna get all spruced up soon :) idek if anyone uses tumblr anymore. i guess we'll find out

#random thoughts #new blog #updates

[thoughtsbykae]

(Seen on FB)

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE. 

When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.

I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.

“What are you struggling with?” he asked.

I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.”

Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?”

I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it.

I wanted to have something more substantial.

Something more profound.

But I didn’t.

So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes.”

I felt like an idiot even saying it.

What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes?

But my therapist nodded in understanding and then said:

“RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”

I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me.

“Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules.”

It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express.

That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times.

I felt like I had conquered a dragon.

The next day, I took a shower lying down.

A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit.

There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.

Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.

But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:

THERE ARE NO RULES.

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE!!!

(by Kate Scott 2018)

[thoughtsbykae]

*suddenly realizes i'm horrifically lonely and haven't done anything meaningful with my life and don't know what i can do to change that at this point while in the line at the grocery store*

[thoughtsbykae]

[thoughtsbykae]

“All the love you have given to the wrong people—it will find its way back to you.”

[thoughtsbykae]

Can’t remember what my personality is supposed to be like I wish I had written it down

[thoughtsbykae]

a serious inquiry for my mentally ill brain:

why are you always so depressed until midnight, where you become manic and keep me up until 5am. 

[thoughtsbykae]

purposely choosing to ignore current events about the murder of black lives, for the sake of not wanting to see any “negativity” is so fucking stupid. blocking that out doesn’t make your fantasy bubble dreamy, it only shows willful ignorance and/or being blinded by your own privilege. that also goes for those who say police brutality is an american problem and it doesn’t affect them— the lack of sympathy is truly telling and anti-blackness exists everywhere so that’s relevant. if you’re present on social media, i guarantee you’re just one click away from at least knowing what the hell is going on. it’s so important these days since misinformation spreads like wildfire.

[thoughtsbykae]

Mastering the craft of writing is not easy, but that’s the beautiful part of being a writer. Fixing the weak points of your story, figuring out how to make that novel readable, these are the things that help you grow as an artist, as a creator.

[thoughtsbykae]

[thoughtsbykae]

You don't exist to please anyone. No matter what you do or say someone will disagree, someone will be disappointed, someone will criticize you, someone will say you're doing it all wrong. Just live your truth and be happy.

[thoughtsbykae]

god bless the woman that chases nobody, needs no validation & minds her own.

[thoughtsbykae]

this is extra relevant right now

you’re so young and you have so much time. life is longer than you think, and there will be time for you to do everything. if you lost your youth to mental illness or abuse, your life isn’t over. you can do everything you missed out on, and more. if you’re losing your youth right now, there will be time for you to do the things you want to do. it’s gonna be okay, you still have time.

[thoughtsbykae]

oh to run away and live in a tiny cottage in the hills of italy

#my words #spilled thoughts