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📷 Marnie Hawson

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I Don’t Know, Otter, That Doesn’t Look Very Tasty to Me

Via kiguru_e_mi

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Classic Chesley Bonestell art on the cover of Collier’s, March 22, 1952.

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*arrives at fifth most populous city in france*

me: Nice

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The art of  Milan Bauer - Graphic / Art / Etching (Czech Republic)

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Istanbul, Turkey

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I was taking photos of my grandmas cat and !!!! He got the peg!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

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I don’t use this account any more. Which is partly why I’m using it now. A place of my own- a place to vent.

I met a girl, of the kind who gets under your skin. I met this girl, and it was like setting off a sparkler. In the sense that it was brilliant for roughly ten seconds and then it was a burnt out stick. Well, a month. Another month has gone now, and she’s still there, in my head. 

I was riding my bike in the sun this morning, listening to John Mayer. And yeah, I thought, say what you need to say. Except I really can’t say it to her because I barely know the girl and that would be weird and a little creepy. I’ve always been somebody who doesn’t fall head over heels very easily, but when I do it’s the full monty. But here, I’m allowed to say what I need to say. And here is what I’d say to her if I had the balls.

A,

I spoke to you first because I knew I’d like you, there’s that gut feeling you get, even just from a couple of sentences, that you’ll hit it off with somebody without question. I never speak first, but I broke my own rule, because I knew I’d like you. 

And then we went out, the next day. A 17th, as it would happen. You don’t know about me and 17ths, but they’re a thing; a something is happening date. Injuries, messages, exams, first times. I didn’t pay any attention to it when I asked you out, it was only afterwards that I realised. I’m not superstitious (but I am a little stitious.) 

Going out with you was like getting coffee with an old friend you haven’t seen in a while. We talked about everything, anything, and it was so easy. I’m pretty awkward as a person and a lot of the time I’m kind of shy, so if I feel totally comfortable talking to somebody then that’s kind of a big deal. If it had come up, I’d have answered any question you put to me, I’d have told you stuff that I probably wouldn’t tell a lot of my friends, because it seemed natural, like you’d understand. And then all of a sudden it was five thirty and we’d been talking three and a half hours, and they were kicking us out to close up.

 It’s not the date itself that resonates with me so much. It’s the feeling I had after we said goodbye. 

I walk home through Bute Park, because it’s the nicest way home. The whole time I was walking I felt like skipping. I felt like I was walking down one of those flat escalator things they have in airports where it doesn’t feel like you’re walking at all because it’s such little effort. The best comparison I can make is when you’ve hiked up a massive hill and you finally reach the top. It’s not specifically you, I suppose, it was the concept of having a date, with a girl, that went well. It was like that weight of being gay, and that fog I’ve had since meeting 8, and all those depressing little voices in the back of my head that tell me I’m unlovable were all just blown away. When I climbed up to Triund in the Himalayas I looked down at the Kangra Valley and realised how big the world was, how far I could roam, and how much was ahead. I’m not saying you’re the Kangra Valley or anything, but that’s what going out with you represented. Possibility, freedom, perspective. I couldn’t stop smiling. I couldn’t wait to see you again. 

Except I didn’t see you again. And that sucks, because we could’ve had something nice. Tell me you didn’t feel those same feelings, tell me it’s all in my head. Then maybe I can let you go. 

#personal

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Signe Bay | @signebay

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Didier Graffet

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by Carly Watts

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