whoisthispersonwow - Tumblr blog

whoisthispersonwow · 21 days

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How does it feel, to know you can only love him from afar and never do more than graze his cheeks with your fingertips pretending to make a joke out of it under the scrutiny of strangers, to only be able to grasp at the lapel of his jacket with a roughness he does not deserve under the excuse of a brawl, to know that your passion can do nothing but simmer and painfully burn your guts any time he talks about his lovely fiancee, to feel the kind of love no man should feel for another man and yet not being sorry for it despite how deeply wrong it is supposed to be when he smiles at you, to be jealous of how gently he picks up a dog that does not understand how lucky it is to be swayed around with softly, to know how deeply you wish it was you in his arms, your arms around his shoulders and waist, to feel your world disappear when you hear of his death and wanting nothing more than crash in the most horrible way to join him, to feel everything light up again upon hearing his voice saying your name as if he had never left and took your entire soul with him, to know that once the war ends, he will leave you, go back to a life you never believed you could pretend enjoying while you were in the midst of combat, no one to come home to and no soft cheek to kiss except his forbidden one, and you'll be left with nothing but your unrequited love and the aching heart of a drunk man, no better than his dad despite it all, plagued by your vices, while he builds a family of his own and takes pictures in which you never stand by his side? How does it feel, to know you are no better than a trailing dog without a leash, defined by nothing but the blind love you hold for your master until your last breath, even as he tries to coat you away from a life you cannot be a part of, to know that your heart will break when he goes, and yet will never stop beating for him, that until you die you will feel the ashes of bitterness coating your tongue every time you smoke a cigarette, that every blue sky will remind you of him and that you will be helpless to do anything but hum a long forgotten song, the one you sang to his face in the boldest move you could muster, a memory you hold tenderly and hide on the inside of your ribs, something so precious to you that will remember it for decades, but that he probably has no recollection of, busy building new ones with a family you won't know from names or faces, in a life you're not a part of, and being beaten from Hell and back will feel a mercy compared to the ache between your ribs thinking about this will cast upon you, the poison coating your throat as you swallow your longing away: in no future does your love lead anything, in no future do you end happy despite all your sacrifices, and yet, like the fool you are, you decide to love him anyway. How could you not?

little drabble (is this a drabble??? i decided it is) about john, idk i was feeling silly..... Maybe it's his consciousness, his inner-saboteur talking to him? who knoooows :p

#bucky x buck #john bucky egan #clegan #gale cleven #mota #drabble #angst

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whoisthispersonwow · 22 days

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bucky egan acts like the war widow of all time in eps 4 and 5. aside from the fact that everyone was gearing up to tell john about buck going down like he was a wife on the home front, you’ve got the suicidality and recklessness, the drinking and insomnia, the need to burn down what took buck even if it reignites his own moral crisis about the cost of war, the last minute jacket switch so if he goes down it’s not in a jacket buck hates… i am gonna be thinking about this forever

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whoisthispersonwow · 25 days

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MASTERS OF THE AIR — insp. x and x

Subway, Caityln Siehl // I Bet on Losing Dogs, Mitski // The Bird, Denise Levertov // Untitled (You Construct Intricate Rituals), Barbara Kruger // The Hours, Michael Cunningham // The Triumph of Achilles, Louise Glück // Beautiful Short Loser, Ocean Vuong // The Beauty of the Husband, Anne Carson // Béloved, Yves Olade // Lies About Sea Creatures, Ada Limón // Specific Affliction, @ agooduniverse // Ballad of Fred Noonan, Antje Duvekot // Fast Car, Tracy Chapman // The Affliction, Marie Howe // Future Home of the Living God, Louise Erdrich

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whoisthispersonwow · 1 month

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Tumblr account is 6 today, no way (and i only posted ONCE, crazy how life works, yep)

#tumblr birthday #tumblr milestone

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whoisthispersonwow · 1 month

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something is COOKING, yes it is (mots = words, just frenching, don't mind me pls) and to PROVE IT, here are some extracts from the wip!!!

"NoHo, New York. The street is a kaleidoscopic vision of clashing colors, highlighting the walk of passers-by against a backdrop of barely-there dusk, contently setting on a backdrop of buildings. Bricks, windows, doors, all of them so similar to one another they seem to be all cut from the same cloth, patterns upon patterns of a cosmopolitan city. Thousands of steps echo onto the asphalt, the sound drowned in the roaring of passing cars: and as many people as there are beats onto the concrete, all walking alongside strangers towards different goals. The ever busy hive of the city.

Winters are rarely forgiving, in New York. Gusts of wind whistle and blast, eerie in sound and feeling. No matter the layers of clothes upon a body, the frigid blows find their way through all of them, shaking people to the core and rattling chilled bones. When a weather this cold dawns on the city, people tend to walk swiftly, holding their coats shut with shaky hands clutching at their chests. Their bodies are kept as warm as they can be, as they all huddle towards heated buildings as fast as they can.

No one looks at other passers-by, when the rain falls; everyone's focus is turned towards gazing at the sidewalk trying to contain rushes of shivers from gaining the upper-hand. People are a blur of limbs moving forwards, shaken by the cold drops falling in their hair. They keep crossing their arms over their chests as they walk, a vague attempt at protecting themselves from the weather. All of their focus is pulled by the sudden and uncomfortable wetness of their clothes, as they stare at the puddles of dirty water onto the sidewalks and try not to whine. Despite it all, John Egan is grateful for the wind whipping his cheeks."

[...]

“— How have things been, Buck?”

Buck. A nickname John has bestowed upon him which holds no connection to Gale nor to Gleven in sonority, that reeks of possession; a shortened version of his own, a part of him that is to stay with Gale at any given time: a means to make them even more inseparable, if possible. It makes sense, in their own idealized version of the world that only exists within the confines of Gale’s apartment, away from the scrutinizing eyes of a world that does not know what to make of men like them. John mutters it against his skin, with a sort of reverence even God could not get of him. It is sunk deep in Gale’s body, his most hidden secret, put there by the bloodied and sharp teeth of the man who loves him. John’s lips graze his pulsepoint, soft and gentle: Bucky never bites, unless he is asked to. Gale sways the both of them gently, revels in the feeling of John’s calloused hand on the back of his neck, the grounding weight of it. His own fingers reach calmly for Bucky’s curls, caress their wet length with a frown.

“— God Bucky, you’re drenched,” he says, in lieu of answering the question.

“— Yeah well, it’s raining so that’s to be expected,” John ironises, his voice muffled: each of his words has his lips touching Gale’s skin, kisses shaped in the form of his grin. Despite the confidence that John exudes, Buck knows better than to trust his words: he feels the trembles of his shoulders against his chest, the slight shake of them as Bucky nuzzles impossibly closer. He soothes his hand into the wet mass of black hair, lets it slide to his nape, and squeezes gently."

Hello people of tumblr! :)

I am not used to using this app but I thought i would give it a shot as the fandom works featured here are straight up the best things i've found on the internet, and the community seems just AMAZING on all regards!!! So I thought, yk, that I would share my ideas for this AU fic that perhaps maybe I would write sometimes...... idk....

Actor Bucky x Model Buck

Set in the 90s, this AU follows this rough outline : despite the 90s being a time of counterculture for the youth, (grunge, alternative movies being pushed forward and towards larger audiences) and being out of the 80s and all it entails (glam rock and so on) there was this paradoxally reinforced idea of masculinity (leather jackets, men having to be "strong", etc.) and lattent ideas of homosexuality being a "bad, filthy thing" in some places, interlinked with the misinformations concerning the HIV epidemic (if you're gay, you'll get AIDS, you'll die in a few months, all this stuff), which causes the Bucks have to hide their relationship from the public in fear of retaliation and backlash.

Buck is a male model, in a decade in which supermodels are emerging, and put on a pedestal : it's a decent job for him, despite not being a Claudia Schiffer or a Kate Moss (as female models, especially in that decade, were getting paid way more than male models, and overall just represented couture houses more than men did.). People know his face, he's had a few campaigns, but it's not enough to make him one of the A-list celebrities, not that he minds. He's slimmer than what is the norm for male models, but compensates it with his face : it is his strength as much as his weakness concerning bookings. He is known by his peers as this wise and generally kind man, not overly flairy as people can sometimes be in their industry, and overall very discreet about his personal life. He is extremely professional, a master of his craft that knows exactly what is expected of him at any time.

Bucky, on the other hand, is an actor. Freshly discovered among the rest of a new generation of actors, he climbs steadily and surely his way to the top, and has people from all over the USA watching his career with interest. He acts in movies which in our timeline would feel like "The Matrix" ; "Trainspotting" ; "Fight Club", and all of those sorts of very "mainstream yet still posessing their bit a flair" movies. He's extending his choices and taking more risks, ones that could perhaps lead him to great rewards (not that he is especially looking for it : Bucky would be content to act in a short movie by a middle schooler if it was done with love and passion.) Charming, bubbly, he is loved by many of teenage girls (and others, ofc :p). Everyone has a story about Bucky, be it good or bad. "Oh yeah, he bought me a car when mine broke down" says a make-up artist on a set. "He got so drunk he forgot I was here and punched me square in the face when i got up to pee" says his friend Curt Biddick.

(i made an ugly ass moodboard for the vibes)

-> now i'm gonna dump random infos for no particular reasons

TW : mentions of drugs, alcohol, homophobic cliches.

-They met at a party/gala of some sort for a brand, for which Buck modeled and Bucky was ambassador : it didn't click right away, but closely enough for it to feel like fate played a part in it.

-Buck is kind of excluded during parties as he's fully sober, whether it's from drugs or alcohol : a rarity, in the modeling world, and often not a welcome one.

-Bucky on the other hand, is a bit too much of a party monster : he drinks a lot, perhaps snorts a little cocaine in the bathroom, takes a little speed... Which GREATLY concerns Buck.

-Bucky is as cocky in his confidence and his career as he fears (and represses A LOT) the possibility of everything tumbling down and just going back to being nobody (THIS MAN NEEDS TO BE LOVED BY EVERYONE)

-He's terrified that fame will change him, that he will become a parody version of himself, that people will only know and like the version of himself he presents them and nothing else, not seeing his worth as a person, as an individual of flesh and feelings.

-Between the two of them, he's the one who desperately wants to tell the general audience about their relationship, not caring about the consequences, because in his eyes, love is love, and there sure as hell ain't nothing wrong with loving Gale Cleven, and people should know that he loves him, that they love each other, that they're a pair, that life only ever feels complete when they stand side by side, hanging in each other's orbits. They sometimes argue over this.

-Buck, on the other hand, wishes for their relationship to stay a secret, as he fears if it was to be known, it would taint Bucky's image, this very manly, confident and suave man, mingle it with dumb cliches (in a gay couple one is a "Folle" and the other has to be effeminate, because they're like GIRLS yk) and that it would basically ruin his career, tarnish his talent and hard work, get him blacklisted from most studios/directors and only perhaps offered type-casted roles in homophobic movies written by straight men. Buck could not stand seeing the love of his life being disgraced in the public's eyes, just because of some dumbass cliches, because of his love for him.

-Marjorie (Marge) covers for Buck. She's his front : They are seen dining together and huddling on benches by paparazzis, giggling and talking as they walk in the street, and that's enough. Their story makes people dream, these two young people who grew up together and fell in love, still a couple until this day, still loving each other as much as they did on the first day... They are a lavender couple (when both member of a relationship are queer, and use their couple to cover any suspicions) which helps making Buck and Bucky seem like just buddies. Marjorie is most likely not famous, or if so, she'd be more of a writer than anything else.

-Bucky is EXTREMELY jealous and FUMES whenever he cannot kiss Buck in public, touch him, do his little Bucky things, make Buck feel his. Despite that, he's sort of reckless and allows himself gestures that would not fly were the two men not viewed as pinacle of masculinity and a great example of brotherly love. Buck can't even bring himself to ressent him for it, and does not hold it against him : he too wishes they could hold hands on red carpets.

-Bucky is basically a disaster waiting to happen at some point, a pressure cooker dangerously whistling : he bottles everything he feels, just grits his teeth and says he's fine when dark times arise, drowns himself in alcohol and wishes to forget about his worries, thinks about simpler times when he had none at all. Gale stays by his side, no matter what, no matter his terrifying relationship with alcohol and the memories of his father.

-They live together, despite the risks : Buck couldn't bear having to say no to Bucky when he bought their appartment with a huge check from the royalties he earned over his first blockbuster. It is approprietly cozy : most of the decorum is Buck's doing, but Bucky's things still find their ways in there ; baseball posters, pictures, awards and silly little drawings on stick-it notes... It feels like home, to both of them.

-They probably have bought some sort of ranch or farm, somewhere, to run away from the city when things get crazy : they bask reverently in the fact that there, nothing they do or say matters, watching the sunsets on their patios, enjoying the melody of nature without any civilization.

That's pretty much it for now, I'll most likely add things later! :D I'm begging you to excuse any mistake I made, i'm just a poor French person trying her best. Don't hesitate to tell me how you feel and stuff, I am so nervous to make this post you can't imagine lmaoo

To end things, I guess I'll just post an extract of a wip, a written transcription of a fake interview Bucky probably had on some talk show!!! :]

#john bucky egan #alternate universe #idk how to tag sorry #wip #mota #clegan #buck x bucky #bucky x buck #gale cleven

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whoisthispersonwow · 2 months

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Hello people of tumblr! :)

Actor Bucky x Model Buck

(i made an ugly ass moodboard for the vibes)

-> now i'm gonna dump random infos for no particular reasons

TW : mentions of drugs, alcohol, homophobic cliches.

-They met at a party/gala of some sort for a brand, for which Buck modeled and Bucky was ambassador : it didn't click right away, but closely enough for it to feel like fate played a part in it.

-Buck is kind of excluded during parties as he's fully sober, whether it's from drugs or alcohol : a rarity, in the modeling world, and often not a welcome one.

-Bucky on the other hand, is a bit too much of a party monster : he drinks a lot, perhaps snorts a little cocaine in the bathroom, takes a little speed... Which GREATLY concerns Buck.

To end things, I guess I'll just post an extract of a wip, a written transcription of a fake interview Bucky probably had on some talk show!!! :]

#clegan #buck x bucky #bucky x buck #gale cleven #john bucky egan #alternate universe #idk how to tag sorry #mota

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