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whys king kong………..so fucking large

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mom I don't think you should send this to me

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folks do i even need to say it.

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i got suspended on twitter because i post too good

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children existing in public spaces is genuinely like. necessary for the continuation of society. it doesnt have to be your kids you dont have to volunteer at a daycare or whatever but you need to be able to tolerate the presence of someone who is learning how to exist as a human and interact with people

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The lastest update for minecraft pocket edition! Including new mobs and bow and arrows! Go update/download it now!

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during the peak of among us' popularity during the 2020 lockdowns i would name myself dad and go into lobbies with strangers and tell them i loved them and was proud of them and i ended up making a few people cry i think

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me: oh man im starving but im not sure what i should make for dinner……

the spirit of a 12th century templar knight that died a horrific death due to torture that started haunting me after i found a sword in the middle of the woods: spaghetti once more, prithee?

me: henry you are brilliant. spaghetti it is

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Doc, what are the top five items food banks LOVE to receive? I'm doing a collection soon and want to ask for specifics.

MONEY. WE WANT MONEY. MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY. WE CAN DO SO MUCH WITH IT. WE HAVE ACCESS TO DEALS YOU COULD NEVER. MONEY

That aside.

 I’m only going to talk about food items but if your food bank takes personal items, a lot of times diapers, feminine hygiene products, etc, are very very welcome. 

1) Canned chicken and beef 

looooooove this stuff. It’s expensive, it lasts forever, it tastes good and it can be used a variety of ways. This stuff is fucking catnip to food banks, it’s so hard for us to provide proteins. 

2) Fancy nut butters

Peanut butter is a standby for food banks as a shelf-stable inexpensive protein, but if we have a family with a kid with a peanut allergy that’s not going to work. Non-peanut butters are expensive and it’s something we hardly ever see donated. (we also like peanut butter, but that’s easier for us to buy ourselves than non-peanut butters)

3) Canned or packaged tuna

You may notice a trend here in shelf-stable proteins. And yeah. That’s basically it, so I’m not going to keep harping on it. But this stuff is a godsend. 

4) Easy breakfast things for kids (Granola bars, instant oatmeal, and the like) 

Whatever Donald Trump tells you, most people who get food from food banks are actually working their asses off and so they have to leave Obama to raise their baby or whatever, and they don’t have a lot of time in the morning. Things like this that kids can make for themselves are expensive. (Another trend you may be noticing–donate shit that costs a lot of money. That helps us more than all the shitty green bean cans in the world) But they are so helpful for busy working families where the parents may not have a set schedule and sometimes little Amanda is making her own breakfast before she runs off to school. Don’t let kids go to school hungry. 

5) Shelf-stable juice

This is one people never think of! But if you show up with a bunch of (preferably reduced sugar stuff) bottles of juice at my door, oh man, you are gonna get so many check mark and okay hand emoticons. This stuff is great for kids, and it doesn’t require refrigeration until it’s opened, so it works great for food drives. 

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Good news everyone I have accidentally discovered the stupidest fucking conceivable way to make myself to do chores

It goes like this…..

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My car: *low gas light on*

Me: I mean, I COULD stop at the gas station on the way home… OR! I could just NOT do that and deal with it tomorrow

Me: but what if I get stuck in a time loop starting tomorrow and every day I wake up and my car is on empty that would be so annoying

Me: uggghhh FINE I will stop at the gas station.

****LATER THIS EVENING:****

My sink: *has all my bowls and tea mugs in it*

Me: okay I don't actually care about this problem for tonight I am not planning on eating soup or tea

Me: …yeah but if i do end up being stuck in a time loop starting tomorrow it is going to SUCK to have only dirty tea cups in the morning forever

Me: uuuuughhhh okay clean sink it is

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I hate this. My brain must have an extremely low opinion of me to even try it, and it worked.

But hey, I don't have to try to remember to leave 5 min early tomorrow for a gas run?

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note: i mean do you leave the oven door open, not whether you leave it turned on

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This is still one of the greatest things ever made.

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Still remember when a homo- and transphobic acquaintance tried to bring up JKR’s views on trans people in conversation and I shut it down with «oh yeah she’s been saying a lot of dumb shit on Twitter after she finished writing Harry Potter, like when she claimed Dumbledore was gay, just to be politically correct», which made it absolutely impossible for him to admit that he agreed with anything JKR had ever said. Sometimes you just have to weaponise people’s homophobia against their transphobia.

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Realised strange nerd is an anagram of transgender and my life suddenly got better

#omg #is me….

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