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wtfmurphy · 6 years

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at any given moment in my life, there is a 93% chance that i would rather be asleep. that being said, becoming an early riser when i started graduate school was the best thing i’ve ever done for myself and for my productivity. so an alternate title for this post could be

HOW TO TRICK YOUR BODY INTO GETTING VERTICAL AND STAYING THAT WAY AT AN HONESTLY UNREASONABLE HOUR.

put your alarm someplace far, far away from your bed. when i was in undergrad and i really had to get up for something important, i used to put my phone in a box on top of my dresser. in order to turn it off i had to get out of bed, drag a chair over to the dresser, stand on the chair, and open the box before i could shut it off. this required way more in the way of motor skills than just rolling over in bed and swiping the screen. this is an extreme example. now i put it just far enough away from the bed that i need to walk to it. other, saner options include apps that require you to solve a math problem or a puzzle, but in all honesty, i’ve tried those and just rolled over and passed back out anyway.

pick a wake-up time and stick to it. mine is anywhere between 6:00 and 6:30 (which, I know, is not that early for those of you in high school, and believe me when i say i am so sorry). eventually your body will begin waking up at that time by itself, which is kind of horrific, but which also makes your life a lot easier. my advice is to gradually work your way towards that time, in 15- or 30-minute increments. on the weekends, when i stay in bed until 8, it feels like the height of luxury.

have some early-morning jams ready. on the days i’m feeling particularly daring i let myself lie back in bed until the song’s over, and then i get up. this is pretty dangerous, though, so use cautiously.

drink water. you can do this when you wake up, like all the fitblrs tell you. or you can do what i do, which is to drink between 8 and 12 ounces immediately before going to bed, so that when my alarm goes off my first thought is how badly i need to pee. unless you’ve got some ongoing health issues, that usually requires you to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom.

open all your blinds before you go to bed. i know, this seems counter-intuitive. but i’ve got a roommate who has those fancy light-blocking curtains and i never see her before 10:00. i, on the other hand, have an entire wall of windows and no curtains, just broken blinds circa 1980, and am up earlier than god herself.

in an emergency: early morning flight? time for a nap after an almost-all-nighter? make the alarm harder to get to, sleep with the light on, or have a friend or parent in another time zone call you to make sure you’re awake.

also, maybe most importantly, remember that even though the act of waking up itself sucks, once you’re up and moving things are great. i get my best studying and reading done in the morning, and it’s the best time to sit for a minute and plan our your day. plus, you know, the sooner you get going, the sooner you can get back in bed. good luck bumblebees!!!

EDIT: sequel!! how to go to bed and actually fall asleep.

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wtfmurphy · 6 years

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