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Got buns?
Known on the streets as the Anaconda. Known at home as Lee Kwangsoo. Only my friends call me that, though; don't think about it, or I'll strangle you. Because that's what Anaconda's do: they strangle you before they eat you. So don't think about it, or I'll strangle you before I eat you. 31 with a bark that boasts a bite.
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Dropping notice
Hey guys!! I’m the shittiest person I swear to God--- like Kwangsoo, I too am a 🐍 I’m so sorry for coming back from my month long hiatus only to drop him ( that’s face hogging status orz ) But I lost the muse for Kwangsoo here and in hindsight, I think I didn’t give the muse proper enough thought and consideration bc well, here I am... I should’ve paid more attention to him and started him off in a way that could make him develop into a character I really wanted him to become, but alas, I’m a bad mun who’s fickle with a tendency to get too into things and burn out quickly ;n;
To the RM crew, you already know I’m dropping <3 Thank you so much for being so welcoming, I really appreciate it!! You guys took me in like one of your own and here I am, being the biggest dummy in the world ;n;
Special mention to @mikanggary, I’m so sorry for doing this orz we had such a great plot on kang joon as well but alas, I’m terrible and cannot hold up to my end of the bargain---
I AM SO SORRY GUYS I FEEL LIKE HITTING MYSELF ;n; If my kwangsoo muse ever gets inspired by a running man episode or two, I might come back!!! Maybe one day I’ll once again be able to write with all you amazing people/writers ;u;
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mikangjoon:
@kwangsooxmi
it was christmas time, but even when he still was with his family they barely saw each other during holidays. excluding his cousin kwangsoo. whatever he did in the past, it rarely didn’t included his dear cousin. kwangsoo was one of the few people who had understood him and supported him and gave him fullest attention. despite them being kids in the past, kwangsoo had always been mature and responsible (or so it seemed to kang joon at that time) to care for his baby brother.
that is why he although he had cut off all ties to the lees and now was seo kang joon, he still secretly hold contact to the only lee that knew he wasn’t dead yet. even though he wasn’t the son of that chaebol anymore, his relationship to the long hyung hadn’t died.
the male had called his cousin over. normally he tried to not fool around like before and gain money through his jobs, even though his cheeky and naughty side often shone through, kang joon felt like he had to take a little break. thus calling kwangsoo for a cousin date during christmas. he wanted to have some fun, joining the norm and just be like other young males in his twenties. and hitting on people was one of those things that young adults normally did. especially single ones.
so he had specially prepared a little surprise for anaconda, hidden underneath his jacket. a mistletoe that could be attached on the santa hat he was wearing, as well as another santa hat for his brother. a call was made to find out about the other’s location. “hyung, come over quickly! i have a surprise for you!” he chuckled. the idiot duo was on the roll once again.
Only Kwangsoo would think of picking up chicks on a month of Christmas celebration, where one would put aside all bad thoughts to celebrate innocently with the family, or at least, to make it on Santa’s ‘nice’ list. But alas, this is the man who named himself the Anaconda thinking it would be a name that would strike fear into the hearts of others, not nausea.
Now, if only he could convince his much cooler cousin to jump on the same wavelength in which he operated. Because if there’s anyone who would voluntarily agree to Kwangsoo’s cringe worthy ideas, it would be Seunghwan.
Kwangsoo had been only seconds away from calling Seunghwan—sorry, Kangjoon, he always forgets—when he got the call from said cousin, and Kwangsoo took it as fate. The Christmas market had been open for a few days now, and Kwangsoo thinks this is the perfect opportunity to charm the ladies—young, old and everything in between, the Anaconda doesn’t discriminate. So as he travels towards Kangjoon’s location, he practices the speech he hopes will successfully convince Kangjoon to join him on his journey.
He brings with him a sling bag, and in it are two pairs of ice skating boots (perfect for falling on top of ladies—and men—and ending up in a compromising position) some mints (in case their lips get a little too irresistible for those whose pants have been charmed off by the idiot duo) and a mistletoe (to explain away any unwanted kisses; also to break the ice). When he finally sees Kangjoon, his smile widens tremendously at the sight of the Santa hat on Kangjoon’s head.
“Okay!” he screams in approval as he runs to the latter, his hands pulling the sling bag close to him lest anything falls out in his haste, “Kangjoon, I have the perfect idea!”
And then from his sling bag, Kwangsoo pulls out the two pairs of shoes which he holds by its laces, and in his other palm, the mints and mistletoe.
“You and me picking up milky thigh gods and goddesses at the Christmas market. What do you say!?”
Never mind the surprise Kangjoon has promised through the phone; this is urgent and much worthier of their time.
*mistLEEtoe brothers
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hiatus notice
I am currently overseas, but I will be back home on Jan 30th! I might still be able to write replies etc, but my activity will be spotty because the internet here is spotty!! I’ll try my best to get everything done!!!
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🐍 animals of the jungle: lks&kjk
@jongkook-mi
If Kwangsoo were any smarter than he is now, he’d probably know that crossing Black Lotus is not the smartest thing to do.
(Amendments: if Kwangsoo were much smarter than he is now, because as of this moment, Kwangsoo’s intelligence—or lack thereof—is rather shocking.)
Anyway, here come three large bears, ready to trample on the Anaconda, and although the sentence boasts of a dramatic fight in which not one party will go down easy, reality is often much more disappointing than imagination.
“Hey giraffe!” he hears them coming—that’s the thing about bears: they understand not the element of surprise—and Kwangsoo really wants to put on a strong front. He longs to curse at them, wishes to bash their head in with his bare fists, but he is being realistic and realistically speaking, there is a better place to do all that he has promised.
And so, he puts his long legs to good use: Kwangsoo runs at an alarming pace—a speed at which not many know he’s gifted with—and behind him, he hears the three men stomping as they try to catch up. He’s smart about this, though, because he knows that as far as he tries to run from Black Lotus, he will never be able to hide from them. So he twists and turns at specific corners, his destination being a specific alley in which a metaphorical Batman seems to frequent.
When he gets there, he slows to a stop. He longs to put his hands on his knees and puff from using all the stamina he never knew he had, but Kwangsoo knows that it would only make him look weak, and in this particular scene, he knows that it’s not foolish to look strong. (In fact, it’s insanely strategic.)
When the three gangsters finally catch up, curse words and death threats following shortly, Kwangsoo stands up straight and turns to look at them, a mean look plastered on his prominent features.
“You are all dead!” he assures with a loud roar, and his hands stretch out at a ninety degree angle to his side, “I am not called the Anaconda for nothing! The Anaconda is a large snake that strangles their victims to death then eats them up all in one go! That is what will happen to you today!”
And then he topples the metal bins and kicks stray beer bottles at them, loud groans scratching against his throat with every elaborate movement. If one were to look at Kwangsoo, they might think he’s gone mental, but what they don’t know is that he’s performing a summoning ritual to summon a fearless lion with a great mane.
(It’s worked many times before, trust him.)
When there’s nothing left to throw at them and he’s successfully butchered the cleanliness of the alley, he screams, “you’re all dead, because the Anaconda has mighty friends!” and waits a beat—one, two, five—for what seems to be nothing. Even Kwangsoo is alarmed by non-events—did he fuck up the summoning ritual?—but he really can’t afford to be wrong about this, so desperately he screams again, “I said the Anaconda has mighty friends!”
One second passes.
Two.
Ten.
(Alright, where the fuck is that bastard, Jongkook?)
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🐍 make you feel my love: lks&khg
@mikanggary
Even as a kid, Kwangsoo has always been a people pleaser. That may seem rather odd, considering he has turned out to be a ruffian of sorts, but it does make sense when the audience that he is trying to please consists only of criminals.
Or at least, it used to.
Today, he walks into the police station for the umpteenth time, but in place of handcuffs around his wrists, he’s carrying a large box of assorted doughnuts instead. Why, you may ask?
The answer is clear and simple: Kang Heegun.
To elaborate, Kwangsoo is a frequent in the police station due to his sloppy work and the fact that because he is an annoyance to practically everyone in the mafia world, everyone is all too ready to use him as a scapegoat when they’re ambushed by cops during a job. But all any cop has to do is take one look at tall, awkward Kwangsoo to know that he’s harmless and innocent, although he tries his hardest to be otherwise. He just doesn’t have the stomach—the balls—for the criminal life. And in an incredible plot twist, although he defines the word ‘annoyance’, Kwangsoo is a hard man to hate, what with his abnormal friendliness and natural humour.
Thus, when the cops find Kwangsoo standing alone in the middle of a crime, they simply facepalm, bring him in to take a statement as per protocol—but really, what they actually do is enjoy a nice chat with him—before letting him go. He knows every cop by name, and he comes in practically every Tuesday in handcuffs.
To them, Kwangsoo is a walking comic, and so they simply laugh and enjoy the laughter he brings. But not Kang Heegun; no, the man sees him for what he truly is: a crook.
It came as a shock—Heegun’s stern treatment of him, of course—when everyone else in the station thinks of him as a joke. And so Heegun has always struck fear into Kwangsoo’s heart, and he’s always left wondering what it is he did wrong to make the man hate him so.
Thus, doughnuts. Because Kwangsoo is a people pleaser, he truly wishes to get on Heegun’s good side, and he thinks that a bunch of doughnuts may please the man.
(Basically, he’s resulted to bribing an incorruptible cop. Perfect.)
He walks into the police station with a swagger that can only be described as a pubescent teen trying hard to please his jock seniors, but not knowing any better. The general direction he’s heading is towards Heegun’s office, but he greets cops by their names along the way, asks how their families are doing, and gets eye rolls and smacks on the head with rolled up newspapers in return. When he finally reaches Heegun, Kwangsoo clears his throat before speaking a decibel too loud and an octave too high, “hyung!”
And then he holds out the box of doughnuts towards the latter, his head bowed comically, “these are for you! Eat well, hyung!”
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Sibling goals. LOL.
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🐍 dream big dreams: lks&ker
@erisxmi
If the bullies he had hung out with during his high school days could see him now, he likes to think they’ll get on their knees and beg for forgiveness for their poor treatment of him. Because now, he is not only Lee Kwangsoo, but he is also the Anaconda, and those who hear of his name either want to be him or want to be with him. Such is his street cred, he deludes himself into thinking.
He argues that it’s true, that he has a lot of evidence to back it up. Though it is harder to prove the former statement—this is the world of gangs; no one will openly express that they wish to be like someone else because it ruins their own reputation—the latter statement is much easier to fact check.
Case in point, one of his many admirers, Eris. She’s a beauty, and he thinks that if she were in his high school, every guy would kiss the ground she walked on. Kwangsoo likes to think that if she had been with him in his high school, then perhaps his high school days wouldn’t have been so rough, especially since he would’ve been dating such a pretty thing like her who commanded respect. But oh well, the past has gone and he should now think of the present.
And as of now, he skips towards a location in which they’ve bumped into each other once or twice before. He doesn’t know if she’ll be there today, but he hopes that her heart will be called to the spot through telepathy. (After all, he likes to think that they’re soulmates. But then again, his understanding of soulmates may be a little skewed, considering how the identity of his soulmate often changes depending on his mood.)
His baseless hope is proven to be a fact when he catches sight of her at the very location he had called to her in his dreams. A bright smile pulls at the corner of his lips when he realises that she has answered to his call, and if he wasn’t convinced that they were soulmates before, he surely is now.
“Eris!” he calls in a sing-song voice as he closes the gap between them, “did you miss me? Come give oppa a hug!”
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🐍 the woes of police officers: lks&jsr
@seraxmi
“Hey, let go of m— what are you doing— hey!” he protests, his prominent features shaping an ugly scowl. He tries to get up from the seat he’s on, but what with being handcuffed to the leg of the table and his height, it’s impossible for him to stand up straight. So he chooses instead to awkwardly bend forward, his eyes fixated on the police officer that handcuffed him to the table—the guy must be new, because he doesn’t recognise the latter; the poor treatment would also make sense—and curses at the man’s retreating back.
“I’ll sue you! Prepare to hear from my lawyers! The gang leaders will kill you for this! You’re a dead man!” he screams loudly for all to hear, but said police officer is unyielding.
Once he’s calmed down, he realises the awkward position he’s in, and so he finally chooses to plop onto the seat. Fist banging angrily against the leg of the table in which he’s attached to, Kwangsoo curses himself for getting caught yet again.
(And how did he end up in this position, you might ask?)
It all begins that morning, when Kwangsoo gets the text insisting he comes in for a job. He hardly ever gets such requests from any of the four gangs nowadays, considering how his involvement often produces more negative than positive outcomes, so they must be getting really desperate. Kwangsoo, of course, is just smart enough to make this connection, but he extrapolates and thinks that perhaps this is his moment: if the gang is that desperate, then surely they’d eat their words and finally accept someone as great as the Anaconda into their gang. He thinks that maybe today, he’ll even get a better job—one much more important than being a metaphorical water boy.
When he arrives at the location listed in the text, Kwangsoo’s disappointment grows when he realises that his job is no different than all the previous ones. Today, he is one of the many men assigned to escort a truck carrying precious cargo—he has no idea what it actually is, access to such information is far above his pathetic paygrade. He’s annoyed to find that he’s not even assigned to drive the car, but to merely sit in the shotgun seat and scan the environment for undercover cops. Still, he convinces himself that it’s an important job, one that only he has the skillset to accomplish.
(In some ways, it’s true, because Kwangsoo has been caught by the police so many times that he’s basically acquaintances—even friends—with almost everyone on the force. The downside is that nearly every cop is also aware of who he is and what he likes to do. And so they make him put on a surgical face mask in hopes of hiding his more defining features.)
The job seemed to be going swimmingly, but it all came crashing down when cop cars drove up to ambush them. Everyone else had run away, but it was clear that the blame was on Kwangsoo: it was his job to spot the cops. (Plus, because he’s friends with some, a few of them suspect that he had betrayed them by going undercover.)
And as they say, the rest is history.
Kwangsoo sobs as he bids a mental adieu to the one gang that had bothered to contact him. After today, there’s no way they’ll ever hire him again. This day could not get any worse, he thinks, and at a time like this, he wishes karma were true. If he’s dealt with such a shitty hand, then surely things can only look up, right?
To his amazement, he finds that to be true when he catches a familiar scent as a certain someone walks past him. God knows what perfume she wears, but Kwangsoo has always thought it was heavenly—just like her pretty face.
“Sera!” he calls out, and although having limited motion, he manages to shift his body and angle his head to gaze upon her form, “hey Sera! Hey!”
A large grin pulls at the corners of his lips, and his pearly whites shine through for all to see, “where are you going? I’m over here! I’m glad you decided to visit me!”
#seraxmi#p: the woes of police officers#( everyone that works at the police station is an officer to him sob i'm sry#he does not understand the different titles ;; )
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🐍 turning tables: lks&kjg
@jonginxmi
To Kwangsoo, the four notorious gangs dubbed ‘Murder Inc’ is similar to that of four popular boy groups with overly attractive members to sasaeng fans. And as such, he spends his days reading up about them, his nights stalking them, and in between all of that, he likes to imagine that he is part of them and thus, takes pride and squeals in delight at the mention of their successes.
But the fact of the matter is that none of them will ever acknowledge him as one of theirs because he’s just not made for this life. Kwangsoo is nothing short of a middle piece of a My Little Pony puzzle trying to squeeze itself into a Batman jigsaw; try as he might, it wouldn’t fit, and even if it does magically fit—which again, it most definitely won’t—it’ll stick out like a sore thumb.
(But still, Kwangsoo tries, and he tries, and he tries again.)
Thankfully, he’s starting to be disillusioned, starting to entertain the idea of him never getting accepted into any of the gangs for the rest of his life. And he thinks briefly, what would happen if he just branched out to be a solo artist instead. Perhaps the four groups don’t deserve him, and they’ve rejected him because he’s an unstoppable force that even they cannot tame. Perhaps he’ll become his very own gang, one man that’s just as infamous as the other four groups that consisted of uncountable members.
(So maybe he’s not disillusioned, after all.)
He whistles a fancy tune as he imagines this scenario, imagines the movies that will be written about the great Anaconda in the future, and he thinks that he would want this particular scene to be displayed at the very start of his very own documentary. He finds himself walking down a dark alley, hands in his pocket and features maintaining a smug expression, when he realises that there is someone walking in the opposite direction of him—and thus, is walking towards him. Overcome with confusion, he furrows his eyebrows, because this alley is rumoured to be particularly dangerous to civilians, and most self-preserving individuals avoid it like the black plague.
A scoff rolls off his tongue; how dare this man just waltz in here like he owns the place. Kwangsoo supposes since no one else is around, he’ll have to take up the responsibility of shoving this peasant back to the bottom of the food chain, where he belongs.
So Kwangsoo shuffles to the side to block the man’s path. A long arm stretches out to rest his palm against the wall, and he sniffs as he appraises the man in front of him.
“What do you think you’re doing here? Don’t you know what this place is?” he asks with a raised voice, “do you want to die today, by the hands of the Anaconda?”
And then he retracts his arm and cracks his knuckles.
(And if the latter pays extra attention to Kwangsoo, he can perhaps tell that sweat is breaking out on his forehead, and the slight wrinkle at the corner of his eye is because he’s unable to hold back the wince because damn, cracking one’s knuckles sure hurts. They sure don’t tell you that in the movies.)
“I’ll give you a 5 second head start! If I catch you, you’re dead!”
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introductory post!
hello friends i am so excited to be here!!! my name is andrea but feel free to call me wHATEVER YOU WANT TO ( whispers preferably anaconda ;D ) anyway!!! kwangsoo is my first muse here but i already have plans for another o ho ( just wait a lil bbys )
fast facts!
anaconda!kwangsoo is actually just running man!kwangsoo
that means expect a lot of betrayal, a lot of conceited “yo i know you like me bc i’m hot--blushes--but please control yourself” and a lot of lols
all friendships w kwangsoo is only superficial sadly bc he will betray everyone ok!! this is a dog eat dog world every man for himself yo
kwangsoo probs gets caught by the police a lot bc he is v sloppy w his work, also the other gangs don’t give a shit about him so no one to bail him out and he’s basically just left in the dust--- it’s like he has the power of invisibility when it comes to the mafia world ok--- the good thing is a lot of evidence surrounding him is inconsequential bc obv the gangs will clean up after themselves, and then what’s left is kwangsoo’s mess which rly isn’t much BC he does not have the stomach for violence--- and he’s a coward l o l he hesitates when asked to do criminal activities
he looks like a tol but is actually a smol
he wants to be badass ok tell him he’s badass and he’ll flip his imaginary long hair back and ask u to tell him more
ok yo like this post if you wanna plot!!! and i will!!!! roll into your ims!!!! pls come come
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