a-thousand-eyes-and-one

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

why is the illustrated edition of ASOS cheaper than the regular version on kobo 😭😭

#agatha speaks

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

if you were in charge of the hypothetical hbo blackfyre rebellions show, what directorial choices would you make to improve upon the source material?

this is not improving upon the source material so much as tailoring it to my tastes

start w baelor’s court i feel strongly about this. first episode a sort of bizarre womanless church of a court with a king wandering around barefoot in rags and the girls in the maidenvault. in my blackfyre rebellion show we’re doing themes about women and themes about the faith and also prince aegon unworthy breaks daena out and daemon blackfyre is conceived. baelor dies shortly after this maybe bc of shock and horror maybe bc viz ii poisons him i kind of like the latter bc ->

aegon poisons his own dad to get the throne quicker. i would want at least a season of aegon iv reign i want them to do the mistresses and the increasing number of bastards at court properly. aegon psychologically tormenting naerys and aemon and ignoring weakling daeron in favour of his handsome chad bastard son daemon

not the first to say this but i want aemon to also be creepy to naerys but to desperately punch this down bc shes so Good she would be horrified by his affections. daeron isn’t his

aemon and naerys not idealised beautiful arthurian knight and lady i want them to be PALE and SICKLY. drawn and stricken-looking with that pink eye makeup thing they do to the targtowers. aegon comparatively conventionally handsome deteriorates over the season w gout and five million stds

daemy blackfyre charismatic jock kid intentionally similar to young aegon who broke daena out. daeron fucking hatess him once he takes the throne hes taking out his feelings towards his own shitty dad on his shitty dad’s bastard he liked more than him. telling daemon he can’t have two wives bc its wrong and this is the real world and barely able to keep a smile off his face about it when daemon leaves in a huff

focus on barba missy and bethany + the bracken blackwood feud in general. i want barba to be weirdly close w aegor as her perfect royal son her golden ticket connection to the throne

bittersteel focus <- non negotiable for me hbo would neverr do this. in the sense that hes an unmarketably misogynistic homophobic old-gods-hater deeply unpleasant catholic brute in a love triangle where theyre just dating and he has a problem with it. horse girl. keeps throwing tantrums. loser. only guy there without magic powers or blonde hair. manipulating his half brother w the kingsword into usurpation

those cruel intentions promo posters where theyre all draped over each other but its their stupid triangle. shiera makes him and bloodraven kiss for her amusement

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

Le Morte D'Arthur Dashboard Simulator

roundtableconfessions follow

I'm SOOOOO sick of meeting Tristram and Lancelot out on aventures and getting asked to help them out because of fellowship or whatever like oh my goddddd not all of us are bouyed by transcendental love and can defeat 30 knights in one go you OVERACHIEVERS...last time I got stuck with Lancelot I was bedridden for 3 months after no joke

#roundtable #pentecostalknights #weknowitsyoudynadan #king arthur

1045 notes

roundtableconfessions follow

acc so embarrassing someone managed to slay a lady on their first big quest lol like how do u even manage that

gawayyyyyne follow

:(

33, 026 notes

urknightlyfaveisproblematic follow

YOUR FAVE IS PROBLEMATIC: SIR TRYSTRAM DE LYONES

WEDDED Isode Le Blaunche Maynes of Bretayne even tho he promised to always serve La Beale Isode and be her knight in all right and wrong ...

labealeisode follow

wtf

lancelotdulake follow

omg I can't believe he'd be an untrue knight to his lady ☹️ so disappointed in him...

40, 897 notes

urknightlyfaveisproblematic follow

YOUR FAVE IS PROBLEMATIC: SIR LAUNCELOT DU LAKE

French

Begot a child upon Elaine daughter of King Pelles

queneguenevyre follow

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU @ lancelotdulake

knightprisonerthomasmalory follow

He was literally enchanted omg it wasn't even his fault see my post here I explain it all!!!

60, 354 notes

knightprisonerthomasmalory follow

WHY SIR LAUNCELOT DU LAKE WAS AT NO TYME OVERCOME BUT BY TREASON OR ENCHAUNTMENT

this is a long one so buckle up

Read more

5 notes

questingbeastupdates follow

THE QUESTING BEAST HAS BEEN SPOTTED NORTH EAST OF TINTAGEL!!

(submission from sirpalomides)

100, 500 notes

insp insp

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

dante saying he thinks arthurian courtly romance is immoral irredeemable media bc reading about guinevere and lancelot would make women cheat on their husbands and go to hell for lust so funny. i would have blocked his tumblr

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

arthurian dashboard simulation

🦌 jovesganymede

lancelot kind of homophobic for killing that giant just for keeping knights in a dungeon to whip. or jealous 

🧅 villeinous

morgan le fay needs to stop trying to fuck her way about the table round and come to my hamlet. out of the way chastityboy i’m about to get it

🧅 villeinous

jesu i have been trapped for a year to be drained with diabolic sex

🐗 hungryserf

op where is this happening. the diabolic sex

✍🏻 tonsurance

we need to get gawain off the streets every time i check in he’s killed twenty more knights when does it end 

🔮 preeminentwycche

i heard he was unicorning for older het couples 

🫂 merlinbignaturals

serial killer AND bad bi rep 

🖼 theilluminatedmaid

reopening commissions !! <3 the farm has been razed to the ground again and even one would help so much

🖼 theilluminatedmaid

i just got a guinevere x lancelot commission from MORGAN LE FAY ?? 😭😭

🫘 t4tgwencelot

she’s actually so real

🦌 jovesganymede

need her

🐻 strongandtrue

if i saw merlin i’d kill him with a hammer

✝️ spiritussanctus

actually some of the most disgusting shit i’ve ever seen on this hellsite all you freaks unfollow me rn if you find this shit funny. those are real knights with real families. i bet op is a fucking gw/ncelot too

🪰 wretchedesthive

lancelot isn’t going to fuck you

⚔️ roundtablewatch

sir kay spotted in camelot

🐗 hungryserf

girl who cares

🫦 nakedasaneedle

likely place for him to be

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

What do you think happened to Kate Middleton?

binge watching sopranos

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

i think harrenhal but also the riverlands in general has several petrifying wells a la mother shipton’s cave (cave where the water always coming down the walls and dripping from the ceiling petrifies objects (once thought to turn them to stone now understood to be covering them in hardened minerals) where people hang objects on clothes lines to petrify them as souvenirs) no indication of this in the series but if grrm knew about mother shipton’s cave i think he’d rock with it thematically

#harrenhal

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

Something very funny about reading brienne and jaimes sword fight on the bridge and how passionately it is written and you as a reader go wow this is just such a well written passage that plainly shows, not tells, how deeply intimately important swordsmanship is to these two characters AND is a brilliant revelation of Jaimes developing feelings for Brienne.

And then jaime thinks "DUDE... THAT WAS LIKE... SEX..."

Wow jaime so perceptive. Brilliant observation you empty vase of a man. Anything else you'd like to interpret for us? You oracle?

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

It's kind of underrated on how everyone was 100 percent sure Loras was going to commit regicide the second he saw Joffrey abuse Margaery, so the rest of his family had to hurry up and plot a murder before Loras could become a kingslayer. Aemon the dragonknight could never

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

So just to go over a couple facts with everybody, my narrow face and receding chin are a sign of immense intelligence. Furthermore, my flat midface, smooth philtrum and small eyes are indicative of a royal "dragons blood" lineage. VERY frustrating to see my recent photos described as "miserable mouth breather with a FASD" Im incredibly fuckable and can detect life force energies due to the aforementioned dragons blood lineage factor

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

jon snow aka the fraudulent president of an arctic penal colony where everyone hates him also will 100% be assassinated tomorrow: my worst enemy is this fucking bird

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

definitive dark sister wielder power ranking

9. i’m a simple person with simple tastes. i make a list and jaehaerys WILL be ranked last on it. nasty hands should never have touched the girl sword not even for a month. he couldn’t handle it

8. whichever gay son he gave it to instead of alyssa. fuck you old man

7. daemon targaryen (canon) crazy ass bad at planning suicide rusher

6. aemon the dragonknight. busy dickriding for his evil brother for literally no reason and incredibly easy to trick

5. baela if fire and blood was good. she’s got a lot to process

4. daemon targaryen (if able to obtain HRT and an adderall prescription)

3. 13 year-old Maegor Targaryen. His mommy would never let him lose a fight.

2. brynden kissinger rivers. why can’t you beat this skinny nerd with no depth perception in a fight? because he had you killed three weeks ago and used your death to destabilize relations between the brackens and the tullies do keep up.

1. wire mother herself

#WIRE MOTHER… real

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

so sad that cersei lannister never found out robb stark married a descendant of maggy the frog when he was the king in the north because i would have LOVED to see how her beautiful mind would’ve processed that piece of information

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

Which character would be a gaylor

sansa no question about it. actually lmfao also cersei but in the way that insane republicans are where they think she's funded by Big Pfizer and call travis kelce her beard

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

getting my hand of the king to jerk me off and ignoring all his advice

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

Ok but grrm writing fantasies about grown men killing little girls is a little weird let’s be honest

in abstract yes lol but not so much with context; he didn’t write it unprompted, it was part of a series of ‘cage matches’ run by some website that were hosting a bracket for fictional characters (fandom olds welcome to correct me on exactly what the set up was but something to that effect). Jaime was the character selected from George’s series, and for every match Jaime appeared in he wrote his own blog post detailing how he thought it would go (w Jaime winning every time iirc). so there are prev entries where Jaime fights Cthulu and a bunch of other random ass fantasy characters.

Hermione was one of the characters pit against Jaime and GRRM had a vendetta against JKR before anyone did because she won a Hugo in the category GRRM had hoped to win one for ASOS, and didn’t even send anyone to receive the award on her behalf LMAO so he’s bitter and has also enjoyed playfully taking the piss out of quidditch and shit over the years. so Jaime (and Tyrion ofc). butchering hermione does seem fucking deranged on the surface but it looks like GRRM is just fucking around. and personally I think it’s a Jaime moment of all time

[a-thousand-eyes-and-one]

i must not fear. fear is the mind-killer.

prints + merch

#‼️‼️‼️