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I feel like this is what I did at the gym yesterday.

This is not remotely what I did at the gym yesterday.

Super woman

🎥 evolve.nation

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Last night I slept terribly. I went to bed at a normal time, around 9:30. At first I found it difficult to get comfortable. I kept tossing and turning, dragging my body pillow with me, readjusting my pillow and blankets. Because the bed is right up against a window and our ancient building has little insulation, I was chilly with every turn. Inevitably I had to get up to use the restroom and returned to bed colder than ever.

I was already half awake. It’s common for people to be making noise in the street whether they’re just walking past chatting or drunkenly fighting for the attention of someone they’re attracted to by “Wooooooo”-ing and singing or whatever it is they think is clever. It’s the price you pay for living in a college town--downtown, nonetheless. There’s a nightclub in the building next door so there are frequently cars blaring music waiting to pick people up, groups of people smoking in the alley and an outpouring of people at last call. So it’s no surprise that there was a slamming door in our hallway that shook me from my sleep at 2am. I took the opportunity to use the restroom again. Any twinge in my bladder would be excuse enough to keep me awake. I turned into the bedroom and knew I was in trouble. I was as alert as if I had just woke up from a nap on a warm summer day. But there was no warm sunshine. There was no hammock to get out of or beach umbrella to adjust. Only my dark bedroom and snoring husband. I must have laid there for an hour before falling back to sleep. My alarm was set for 6am. At 5:36 I woke up to a squeaking noise. The sound is like a rusted fan that refuses to stop spinning at full speed or a car’s loose fan belt. It’s a noise that doesn’t surprise me, though I’m not sure where it’s coming from. There is a gap between our building and the building next door. There are plenty of mechanical units in that space though they are inaccessible to anyone without a key or a window on the ground floor. The noise echoes through that space and, despite numerous calls to our management company, it has not been addressed. So I woke up GRUMPY. My Fitbit says I got just over 7 hours of sleep but it always registers me as asleep even if I’m laying there unable to sleep. Regardless of my mood, I hopped out of bed. No need laying there to get annoyed by the noise. I brushed my teeth, put on my gym clothes and packed my breakfast and lunch. I woke up my husband and he teased me that the noise was all in my head. Of course it is. But it’s also outside and persistent. When it goes all day, it keeps me up until about 10pm when it inexplicably stops. Then I worry for a bit that it will wake me up early. It doesn’t always. But I worry. Sleep is very important to me. If I don’t sleep well, I’m a wreck, unable to concentrate and unable to control my moods. I’m on the brink of tears most of the day. But I powered on. I went to the gym. Because it’s been wet lately, I had to cram my winter jacket and rain boots as well as my bag for work, my gym bag and my lunch bag all into a tiny half locker. Because of my poor night’s sleep, I already felt weary in my legs, as if I had run 5 miles in my sleep. I focused on the music and the prompts from my app and made it through my running workout.  I picked up a towel from a student employee. Nothing is less reassuring against stranger-nudeness than these towels. They are beige, scratchy half-towels that barely wrap around my chest. One could easily get a peak at my nethers as it is impossible to keep the bottom closed when quickly walking from the shower to the front of the locker room where I often leave my locker unlocked for quicker access to my clothing. But today this didn’t matter. Today my shower felt more heavenly than usual. First and foremost, I was pleased to discover that I was the first user. The shower curtain was curled over the rod, there were no balls of hair covering the drain, no puddles of previously used water on the floor. 

As I unfurled the shockingly white shower curtain I came to a new realization: it was a new curtain. This is not exciting for any sanitary reasons. This is exciting because this curtain is full-sized. Unlike the fiendish towels threatening to fully expose you at any minute and unlike the curtains that were hanging there just last week, like the towels only about half the size they needed to be, this curtain stretched the whole way across the shower entrance. No need to pull this way and that to decide which angle will better cover you from the gaze of others! My day might not be so bad after all! I turned on the water and washed away the sweat and stink from my workout. The shower on my hair and face seemed to lull me into a state of complete calm. I could feel each drop of water rolling down my back, down my legs over my feet and onto the floor. For a moment, I was glowing. The water on my skin made it feel like it was shimmering. For a moment, I was experiencing bliss. Any weariness was forgotten. I was alone with the the sound of the shower and the water. When I was done, I resumed my normal business. I dried myself off under cover of the new full-sized shower curtain. I wrapped myself up as best I could and made my way to my locker. As I began to dress myself I heard the sound of the keypad warning that someone was about to enter. I turned my back and quickly put on my pants, pulled my top over my towel-wrapped head and continued with my morning rituals. 

I barely looked at myself in the mirror before I left. I was dressed in mostly black with my brown Xtra Tuff boots rubbing against the back of my heel. I had forgotten to bring socks long enough to cover the exposed area. I’m sure that I will get blisters.  When I drop my used towel off, I’m still content. I greet the student warmly and wish her a good day. In the 50 feet between then and the door outside, I remind myself that I had a wonderful experience. The misty rain, the mundane interactions that are sure to come, the people that will annoy me in person or by phone or email...I felt bliss for a brief time today. These are fleeting moments. I used to think that they made life worth living. But it’s different when you feel like you have to cling to these moments like they’re crutches to get you through life. It’s a very different attitude and this shift makes me think I should get on some medication for my depression and anxiety. Le sigh.

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Take things a little less seriously.

Honest New Year’s Resolutions (see 10 more)

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Heathy New Year's Resolutions That Don't Involve Weight Loss

While many of us think the obvious resolution is to lose some weight in January, you can do better than that! You can be happy without getting thinner! If you want to make some healthy improvements to your life in 2017, choose to make a resolution that goes beyond losing weight. Instead, target areas of your life that can be directly improved:

Make doctor and dentist appointments in a timely fashion

Cook and prepare lunch instead of relying on processed foods

Floss

Support local farms and food producers

Get more quality sleep

Eat vegetables at every meal

Meditate

Spend more time outside

Actually eat your fruit before it goes bad

Bring your own bags when grocery shopping

Don’t watch tv or use the computer during meals

Take vitamins

Stretch and improve your flexibility

Drink herbal tea instead of coffee

Concentrate on improving your posture

Clean your kitchen and dishes after each meal

Participate in Meatless Mondays

Stop biting your nails

Cut back on your sodium intake

Regularly donate unworn and ill-fitting clothing to a local shelter

Wear sunscreen every day you’re outside

Quit smoking

Get an eye exam and update your prescription

Cut down on the amount of plastic you use each day

Re-try foods that you hate, but haven’t eaten in years

Moisturize and remove your makeup before going to bed

Keep a journal

Focus on changing your behavior instead of changing your body, and then every step will be a step forward.  

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Smoothie time! Santa brought me a nutri bullet for Christmas and I'm ready to use it! Blueberry smoothly was yuck. Green smoothie was my jam. Recipes here: http://www.zerobelly.com/4-best-zero-belly-smoothies-for-weight-loss I'll tinker.

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You’re only human

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Sometimes it just feels like you have to fake it 'til you make it, you know?

#dreams #snark

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Make it happen Monday! New hashtag?

#makeithappenmonday #motivationmonday

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