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aewrie · 1 day

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i've gone so far off the rails but we're in too deep now too late to turn back

or, long ass tirade re: writing consent and lack of thereof and weird nuanced situations is go

(who died and made me the boss? no one. but ppl keep telling me i write this stuff good so presumably i'm doing something right)

first off: if you think deriving enjoyment/catharsis of any kind from fictional nonconsent scenarios is gross and wrong: you're not gonna like me, please go away

second off: i am approaching the majority of this from the angle of writing (hopefully) engaging fiction. this is personal thoughts flavoured by my preferences, not a universally applicable how-to guide and not a consent 101 for real life purposes

also, for context

'excplicit on-screen consent is awkward'

skill issue

but yes. it can be. very much so.

i'll start off with that i have put words into characters' mouths at times bc i felt the need to tell others something (even if intended audience for a given message might never stumble across it) and will do it again, But good luck trying to figure out what those instances are,

but anyhow i think that's where a big part of the problem stems from. people (writers) try to tell their audience things (educating them on consent) at the expense of their story and characterizations. and then when they try to make it sound less awkward they attempt shortcuts like a handful of specific Sexy Ways To Ask For Consent lines that i saw people lamenting about in the notes of that post, rather than, again, trying to think of how these characters might have this interaction happen and if it serves the story and its purposes

(what i mean by 'a story's purposes' is what's the goal here. is it to explore these characters. is it to make the audience feel a certain way, or to have them think about something. and bc we're talking about smut here too is the point to get off and that's it)

if i try to think back i can remember exactly one (1) pwp smut fic where a character stopping abruptly in the middle of business to ask for consent in an somewhat questionable situation was entertaining, and that's bc the other one's response was basically that ship sailed ages ago don't you fucking dare leave me hanging here

'fiction influences how people act irl'

"...and therefore all sex scenes should have on-screen consent to help model healthy communication"

to a degree, yes, fiction can influence people when information on a topic is otherwise scarce, but the solution here isn't to turn porn into sex ed, it's to provide better sex ed outside fiction. if you write explicit enthusiastic consent SOLELY because you think your average reader needs help grasping the concept, i worry. to paraphrase a post i can't be assed to dig up bc it was years and years ago: if we rely on people's chance encounters with pornography as a means to educate the masses on safe sex, we've already lost the ball. grievously.

and i need to stress that i LIKE writing explicit consent, when it makes sense, and in ways that make sense. i'm not opposed to showing what attempts at healthy communication can look like in fiction. i think there should be stories like these! i think they can be great in introducing people to new ideas and encourage learning more outside fiction. but also i think in many situations it's just better to share educational resources separately and let the stories be stories, even if the aim is to have the communication etc reflect what you'd generally want/expect irl.

one thing i like to include (when applicable) is the term edgeplay in my descriptions/tags; it's a small thing but maybe someone not familiar will see it and realize that maybe they shouldn't be diving into what my characters are doing headfirst, even if it works out in the story

i do think mainstream porn especially could use more things like brief scenes after the main meat of a film where the actors are just chilling and stuff. a little grounding moment when it's time to 'return to reality', particularly with more hardcore stuff.

but we're primarily talking smutty fanfic, a niche within a niche, and like. honestly a lot of fanfic does better on this front already, bc we tag for these things. the understanding is already there that the fic is following tropes and kinks and specific crafted scenarios regarding consent. #sex pollen is the author telling you here will be that particular kink/trope, but also that someone's decision making is influenced/impaired by some substance belonging under the sex pollen category

wait i thought a good way to highlight the key point here;

> author's wanting to include on-screen consent because they prefer that, or want to encourage people, even if on a small scale, to think more about this more, etc: awesome! go for it! i do this too!

> other people pushing an expectation that fanfic smut writers of all people are responsible for educating the masses in order to fix a society-wide problem: please get a grip

i have written a pretty wide range of situations where there was on-screen consent but i'll get more onto that later,

and then i've also written/drawn stuff where there's absolutely no whiff of anything resembling healthy discussion or concern for boundaries, and a good chunk of that has been smut. i do love pwp fic/erotic art where you can read into it what you want to read into it; eg i have a fic that *could* be read as the pov character is really into it, the consent just isn't explicit on screen OR yeah that's just straight up noncon and brainwashing, just subtle about it -- i tagged for power imbalance. readers can read and imagine further details as they like. a one shot pwp with no wider narrative attached to it lends itself particularly well for something like this.

when there is a bigger story attached, i gotta start considering more how characters interact with each other and what their relationships are like, but even then, please refer to the diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm fic post

and of course the one part of this wank that only noncon enjoyers seem to even notice: i'm more worried about the people who write ""consensual"" sex scenes that are in fact dubcon at best, because they genuinely do not seem to realize this, than the ppl writing wildly not-appropriate-to-replicate-irl scenes with full awareness that this is the case. and often, you can tell. even if it's not spelled out in the text itself.

'consent is sexy'

i am facepalming and groaning (in frustration, just for the sake of clarity) and glaring at my screen

rl? consent isn't sexy. it's necessary. it absolutely CAN be sexy but that's not a prerequisite. in fact sometimes these discussions can be actively unsexy and THAT'S FINE (trust a cnc kinkster to be the one voice of sanity in the notes of that post and be the one to bring up this point; you, random tumblr user, are a real one) bc being sexy is not the point. the mutual agreement and knowing what you're getting into is the point

(i get this phrase is less or more something created with the purpose of basically marketing consent but still)

in fiction, it can be many fucking things. including the worst boner killer you've seen. refer back the where we started, and also the whole, when the reader's here just to get off chances are they aren't in the mood for a lowkey lecture in consent (and/or safe sex)

also!!

i wouldn't say character gasping i want you in the middle of making out is sexy bc it's explicit consent, but rather it's sexy bc they're needy. because they can't contain how much they desire the other person and are emotionally vulnerable in expressing that. and does leaning into something like that not make for a more interesting and engaging (including in the sense of being arousing) storytelling than 'yes, i, a mature adult of legal age to consent and not currently under the influence of any substances that might impede my judgement, enthusiastically consent to performing the sex with this person who is my equal in every way'?

(i am exaggerating for comedic effect but that's how reading some examples i've seen feels like at times. and if someone out there thinks that is sexy i want to study them under a microscope. fully solidified brain risk centers has me fucking weeping.)

people writing things with consent/boundary issues that aren't straight up noncon (moderately spicy opinions time)

you see here' the thing with me being comfortable acknowledging that something can be noncon AND sexy: i am also perfectly content acknowledging more grey area type situations that so many others completely miss on their crusade against the Problematic noncon (and age gaps. let's be real fandom loves to hate on age gaps even when they're a completely non-issue, and then is damn oblivious to often far more glaring potential red flags. (see hannigram. apparently some people think the ship is Bad because of the age gap and no other reason.))

coffeeshop aus being the ~fluffiest most wholesome trope~ that's actually problematic bc that's just sexually harassing a service worker who may not be able to do shit about it is just one oft used example. other such things include: teacher/student or mentor/student relationships, doctor/medic/healer + their patient relationships, gods + their followers/priests, spiritual leaders + regular people of the applicable faith, ceo/evil overlord/whathaveyou and their employees/staff/underlings, the list goes on, wrt consent these are all at the very least sketchy by irl standards even if everyone was an adult and technically consented, and i didn't even list nearly every scenario imaginable,

and oh boy i almost forgot to mention things like love potions, sex pollen, aphrodisiacs, characters in heat, etc etc

BUT in fic, if we're not all fixated on being Pure and Unproblematic, these can be fucking great and romantic and sexy. for a moment we can pretend that getting flirted on by the cute regular and writing your number on the back of a receipt to hand with their drink you have memorized bc that person always orders the same thing is the pinnacle of romance. we can imagine that a follower in their blind devotion isn't a prime target for exploitation but rather their god's favourite pet who gets special treatment. you get the idea.

just, don't whine about problematic fic if you can't face the iffy parts in your own favourite romance/sex fantasies?? we're all freaks here and slapping a BUT my characters EXPLICITLY STATE that they consent on yours doesn't change that my dubcon pwp and your coffee shop au both inherently have a certain disregard of boundaries built in. it's a feature. it makes the story better at what it is supposed to be. that is: a fantasy. trying to shoehorn in standardized explicit on-screen consent can get weird beyond a superficial level of wholesome, unless you're willing to acknowledge the fact that this is actually at least a little Problematic. you don't have to spell it out in the fic, but. at least think about it, if depicting only the most wholesome consensual educational intimate encounters is so very important??

back onto depicting attempts at healthy communication/consent for a bit

the thing is, care and communication and respecting boundaries and trusting each other and all that can just as much be a fantasy explored in a story(!)

and i say 'attempts at healthy communication' rather than 'healthy communication' for a reason. even when i try to go for something grounded in how these things can look like in reality, characterization and narrative comes first. i've cut banger lines bc they felt too much like we're trying to do therapy and i'll damn well do it again. same with consent. i'm here to tell a story. even when it's grounded in realism. i'm not First And Foremost trying to model a healthy relationship even if my story has an element of hey, practising good consent *can* look something like this. characters can and should stumble and make mistakes and have conflicts that don't have perfect solutions, and that applies here too. we apply suspension of disbelief everywhere else in fiction. this is no different.

!! and, in insisting on reading this kind of fictional intimacy as Educational, people are going to miss more subtle ways in which the scenario may not be ideal. i shouldn't have to explain why that's Not Good

you can have fun with this actually And make it another tool of characterization etc

and on-screen consent doesn't have to look the same for every scenario and character. in fact it shouldn't. bc if it does, now you've probably stumbled into the pitfall of writing consent 101, possibly with an attempt at making it more sexy, rather than story.

like, just some ideas off of the top of my head that aren't 'yes, i consent':

normally abrasive character who needs to be in control at all times becomes more subdued and allows another to get intimate. just maybe a reserved 'you can', and them not fighting like they usually do with everything just out of habit

characters who cannot keep their hands off of each other because they're just desperately wanting to get as close and intimate as possible. no time for words. no chance for words because between kisses they're too out of breath anyway. (how is there any argument about this sort of scenario leaving consent 'vague'??)

normally reserved & quiet character making a subtle first move that, when coming from them, is Big

character is too excited and aroused and struggles to make the words go but their actions very much scream Want, while the other is going on about how sexy they are

honestly, nala giving simba the bedroom eyes in tlk style situation is a good one if you're just fading to black

'i want you', 'i need you', 'let me have you'

actually i'm providing some examples by yours truly;

my longfic is just. there's two sex scenes. one character is very experienced and the other is aroace and has not had an intimate relationship of any kind prior to this. i put emphasis on the curiosity and uncertainty and the more experienced character wanting to be sure that everything's fine, because he cares about that. for how i wrote these characters and this relationship, this approach made sense. i have lines like:

"You would give me this experience with you, then?" "Is this alright?" "I know my boundaries. That includes knowing which ones I am willing to bend." "Go slow at first and it's all good." "Tell me how it feels?"

I wouldn't necessarily label ^this scene smut in a conventional sense tbh. it's more the characters trying to figure things out and being a bit awkward about it at points.

and then i have this example later on of how a lack of clear 'yes' can be more fun:

If they think they are going to get a coherent answer out of him, they are wrong. The sight between his legs demands his attention, and he knows nothing sensible would come out of his mouth now, if he tried. The best he manages to give is a whine that maybe was supposed to be a 'please', but who knows. He certainly doesn't.

from a different story with same characters, we have

"You are so responsive to simple touch, my friend." Simple, he says. Distracting. That it is.

closely followed by

"If I should stop, will you tell me?" They look up. Tell him? They don't bother, often, with trying; so many don't pay attention. Most keep a distance anyway. But some, they don't care if they push away or try to leave, unless they want to go away themselves; don't care that they hold a weapon until they use it, they know how to use it, it is not an idle threat. Easier to fight or run away, depending. Not to bother, when others deny their mind, their decisions. But he wants to know? "Three taps. Or something else, but still thrice. Somewhere I can feel it. I will know, then." So simple. They can do that. "Will you?" He wants to know. Nod; yes. They will.

in which we establish a safeword without calling it a safeword! to have a clear way of communicating no/stop when these two aren't that familiar with one another and the pov character is nonverbal. again, bc it made sense for my characterizations. frankly(!) leading up to this there's little things that are less good consent, like pov character feeling they have to decide on the spot if they engage or not when they realistically would have liked more time to think (and did not expect further checking ins along the line bc Unfamiliar Territory) but for the oneshot fic it works, bc it gets things moving along at a decent pace.

also good spot to go on a tangent about how perhaps im just too aroace for all this nonsense bc I KNOW the gag is that oh you're reading this very filthy smut? we all know what you're here for ;) ;) and i'm legitimately like. good character writing?? yes?? with tasty word building on the side as a bonus maybe?? i Do Not look at sexual content as inherently or even primarily as something that exists for the sake of sexual gratification, it's just another thing you can include in a story. if it's sexy for others and all that awesome, if not, that's a you problem lol.

then less plotty more smutty ones;

The King parts his legs, then, just enough to allow access.

^depending how you kinky you'd like something like that, it could be an invitation or a command. depends on the surrounding context

He listens to the raspy breaths above him; they do not betray much, but he knows the subtle differences in the pattern, knows when he is getting close. / They would expect him to do something. They delight in the spontaneity, -- / -- watching how their hands twitch, listening to their little sounds. How he adores those sounds.

a selection of small things implying these characters are familiar with each other. and, that there's not so much of a point in confirming consent for everything every time. you can have it in there without spelling it out if you want, and especially with established relationships, that just makes sense, unless it's a Thing for them to go over the details each time. in which case: why. explain the logic and convince me (is it a kink for them? you could make it a kink thing if you want to play up the sexiness, but do realize that's going to be a niche thing.)

ooc is ooc. how would your character show or not show that they want to get nasty?

sidenote for kink etc: if your story isn't set in present-day real world or something close enough, you can implement a system that the readers will understand is a safeword, even if you don't call it that. is there something unique to your setting/characters that they might use instead, that might even make more sense in-universe? ALSO, in scifi/fantasy settings particularly you can possibly take stuff MUCH further than would be plausible or possible irl. don't be restricted to real world rules for kink, and with that, consider how this might impact stuff like negotiation. eg, 'anything that doesn't leave a permanent mark goes' carries a whole lot of different meanings when you have access to magic healing that leaves your skin looking perfectly unharmed. (this is for if your characters are aware that they are doing kink; if your characters aren't aware of this, proceed accordingly)

fixating on a verbal 'yes' like it's some kind of magic word just shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what consent even is

[cw for talk about sexual abuse etc from here out]

(if you're not familiar, please look up the fries model of consent. it's not a be all end all, but a solid starting point, particularly for vanilla scenarios.)

you can have a character go through the motions of consenting without it meaning jack shit due to the circumstances that lead them there. this partially ties to the whole people writing noncon without realizing. bc fiction generally involves conflicts of some kind, the things that drive your story forward can at the same time be what makes consent between your ship-to-be iffy, even if we all know that it's actually fine and no one's really being hurt (again, we apply suspension of disbelief etc), or just not good consent by any stretch of imagination.

is my neglected and emotionally abused ~late teens oc meaningfully consenting to sex when she's being pressured to 'earn her keep' by her caretakers and then getting pimped by her boyfriend who manipulates her? she says she's consenting. must be fine, then. right? right? (hint: No.)

another oc initiated what was at first a consensual encounter, voiced discomfort when things started going sideways, and when things Really went to shit, started fawning (among other things). is a yes, go ahead, i like that good consent here, or later in different situations, when this trauma rears its head and they're fawning again? (hint: No.)

and don't get me started on the 'verbal' part of a verbal 'yes' bc apparently some people out there genuinely insist that that's the only thing that matters- like YES, irl, if someone's body is responding to stimulus but they're saying no, that verbal no is what you pay attention to. but communication is so much more than plain spoken words. ffs.

writing lack of consent (spicy opinions incoming)

disclaimer addendum: if you're writing based on personal experiences, do whatever makes you comfortable. and i mean whatever. hell, even if it's not personal experiences or you're not sure, still that applies. i sure as fuck know it isn't so simple knowing if your experiences 'count' sometimes. again, personal thoughts/preferences re: fiction. not an edict to follow.

so, with fictional sexual abuse/nonconsent, i find a common point of struggle with this is a) person is writing noncon smut and they try too hard to make it Sexy, b) person is writing a story focusing on trauma and they try too hard to Be Sensitive

like honestly the best ones i've read, regardless of what the purpose of the story was, are the ones where the author approached it like just another topic to write about. go into detail when it serves the story you're telling. be vague when it serves the story you're telling. let the characters react in a way that makes sense rather than in a way that tells the reader how sexy and/or terrible this situation is. even if you're keeping things off screen, show what's going on in the character(s) heads.

for smut, trying too hard to make it sexy can come off as awkward and at times comical. and i'll wager, not in a way that's intended. not a noncon exclusive phenomenon, but perhaps more obvious here with the tone issues that come from that.

trying too hard to be sensitive is. it can come off as condescending? i don't want to chew up anyone for being uncomfortable, but i do take issue when people act like their way of dealing with their trauma is the Only Correct One (please shut up) and anyone who disagrees is Not A Real Survivor (please shut up), and especially if anyone more removed tries to dictate how to supposebly be respectful as if trauma worked the same for everyone

...have you ever watched a crime drama featuring sexual abuse and the general vibe that the whole situation has is just this oh you poor pitiable thing :( wrapped in a package of copaganda dressed as revenge fantasy. and it isn't even that the victim wants revenge, or anything really, for that matter, they're just kinda there to look vaguely sad. it's all just a side note to the getting the fix of Justified Corporeal Punishment

adjacent to that, is what comes with the territory of writing a sensitive topic with care: people beating around the bush and using vague euphemisms instead of describing ANYTHING. i'm not saying every single instance of depicting sexual abuse has to be graphic, but when it comes across like this is something so terrible and gross that you can't even mention it, are you being sensitive, or are you being avoidant? not every story that features sexual abuse in some capacity focuses on that, but with the ones that DO, worth considering why something is being left offscreen/underscribed.

(like i can straight up say when i've been Avoidant it was bc *i* was not in the spot to be dealing with that particular scenario in depth OR bc i was pre-emptively wanting to appease hypothetical others. for daring to include something a touch more personally vulnerable in art/fiction. neither was exactly the best mental place to be creating something planned to publicly share from.)

uh oh it's complicated

idk if i'll make any sense but i'll try to words

a somewhat tame example: unexpected kiss that gets handsy. we could have rough division of scenarios as such

1) character didn't consent to this, but actually wanted it so it's fine, 2) character didn't consent to this, and aggressively makes it clear, 3) character didn't consent to this, and it's complicated

scenario 1, when done well, is the surprise affection is sexy situation. characters know exactly what the other wants. there's a fantasy in that, of not having to voice your desires to have them realized, and whatnot.

with scenario 2, when do things pause to give it some weight? character in the receiving end shoves the other away and yells at them, or someone else does it for them, and then the whole matter gets brushed off after maybe a quick are you ok, feels like the usual way it goes. from a storytelling perspective, even a brief moment to show discomfort would make that land far better, if the point is to show that this is creepy and unwelcome?

and 3 is. what if it is unwanted, but the response doesn't scream get off of me. what if the character has complicated reactions, for a possibly wide variety of reasons. where things get messy. this compels me. but it's very different from both the prior ways to go about the same scenario and easily the most complicated, because we don't get that immediate simple dramatic 'resolution' either way, if you do this properly.

i love good dubcon/soft noncon/technically consensual/things of that nature. and i will argue that you can't really do those well if you don't have a decent understanding of consent. you can't properly navigate the nuance and grey areas and technicalities and it isn't consensual, but it's complicated or consensual but not safe or sane for a compelling, believable story if you don't have a solid grasp of how these things work

depicting sexual trauma without showing anything or even directly naming it

a while there was a post about how if you can't bring yourself to use words like 'kill', instead opting for euphemisms like 'unalive', then you probably aren't mature enough to write about death with any grace, and shared there was the sentiment that this applies to sexual abuse as well. absolutely valid point but also i had happened to finish a fic relevant to that discussion recently and Now i'm getting out that particular yes but there's also this other angle to consider

which is: does it make sense for the characters to describe things using a given phrasing?

my character who's just been slapped in the face with a significant trauma and is struggling not to dissociate probably isn't going to talk about it the same way as someone who's had time to process and heal and just had an epiphany in therapy. probably.

but i'm getting sidetracked from getting sidetracked so onto the next point (for now?)

if you're not allowed to write it badly, are you actually allowed to write it?

do your research and approach these topics with care and all that, yes, but also, are we demanding that people potentially writing about their own trauma and lived experiences are masters of their craft? does a vent fic or an autobiographical work have to stand up to scrutiny of representing sexual abuse 'respectfully'??

like, a bunch of people have pointed out how demanding people publicly disclose their trauma to be judged by complete strangers in order to determine if they're allowed to write something is all sorts of shitty, but hey, here's a thought adjacent to that i don't think i've seen anyone bring up. because seriously. if someone's screaming that they're hurting why the fuck should the primary concern be but are your creative skills up to par??

(i'll be blunt again and say this is in part why i've been extremely hesitant up until recently to include these sorts of things in my stories in much detail, but far more so, i'm thinking about all the fucking awful treatment i've seen others receive for talking about/depicting fictionalized retellings of their traumas ""incorrectly"".)

i'll admit it: my first attempts at depicting sexual trauma even as a sidenote to another story just plain sucked. there was an attempt but it was no good. in part i was young and less aware of everything, in part i was poorly mimicking existing examples that were generally meh

i'll also admit that what was genuinely most helpful at getting better was reading graphic noncon smut/angst. the well written stuff. because those fics aren't afraid to go into detail; rather, they enthusiastically dive into all the little and not so little things that make it more worse. they present the whole thing without dressing it to be palatable, and the jump from side note to copaganda to brutally honest survivor story was- i think the first really graphic one was the first time i could sympathize with the character and root for them in their journey to overcome the trauma. as opposed to almost voyeuristically (ironically enough) observe from a distance and then forget about it when the rest of the plot moved forward and forgot about it too.

and then one more thing relating to that that's been rattling around in the back of my mind for probably years now: there's one fic from years ago in particular that i think of when i consider the topic of fanfic depicting rape inappropriately. because that fic is not so different from noncon kink works i at times see from the type people arguably disrespected in said fic, just more novice in execution. it also makes me think of how i handled various areas of this whole consent/communication/boundaries jumble in my earliest attempts vs now. which is just one of those reasons i'm reluctant to judge intentions in these situations, at least outside mainstream entertainment where standards/expectations should be completely different.

in conclusion

this has been an i was exhausted and the filter was off ramble that got too damn long

have good day/night/whatever

#yourebabblingjulle #this got over 5k words btw it's Long

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