alllisborealis

[alllisborealis]

I'm golden-child!Jason and not-even-a-silver-egg!Dick truther for life, and that's so funny.

Bruce is used to the chaos he calls his son, so when Jason actually behave, Bruce is soooo confused.

Like, what do you mean Bruce can tell him to not do something and Jason will??? Obey??? The order??? Dick would never.

Bruce, fully prepared for scandal: You are not allowed to jump from one wardrobe to another, it's dangerous for you.

Little Jason, who has no idea why he should: Ok? I wasn't planning to anyway.

Confused Bruce: You wasn't?

Little Jason who are scared to touch anything here, because it probably costs more than his life: I don't want to ruin the mansion...

More Confused Bruce: You don't?!

Or 

Bruce: so, you are saying that if I tell you to sit in your room and read books, you will really sit in your room and read books?

Little Jason, who has no idea why he shouldn't: Yeah?

Bruce, whispering to Alfred: I didn't know they could do that.

[alllisborealis]

I don't think we give the Robins enough credit for fighting the joker at 10-13 years old. Because from a human point of view the guy is terrifying.

[alllisborealis]

I think it’s funny to think that whenever Jason shows up to ANYTHING with a duffle bag the batfamily and co think there could be decapitated heads inside:

Dick: whatcha got there Jason?

Jason: my luggage for the mission??

Dick:

Jason:

Dick:

Jason: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS THERE AREN’T HEADS IN HERE

Dick: THERES ALWAYS THE POSSIBILITY

Jason: I HAVEN’T KILLED ANYONE IN MONTHS

Dick: THAT WE KNOW OF

I imagine that then the Justice League becomes weary of Jason with duffle bags due to the bats. So the outlaws could be helping with a mission and:

Superman: Hood if it’s alright we’d like to search your bag?

Red Hood: there’s just my gear inside

Superman: we just want to double check it is your gear…

Red Hood:

Red Hood: not you guys too

Red Hood: THERE AREN’T ANY DECAPITATED HEADS INSIDE

Arsenal: at this point you should just put heads in there.

Red Hood: I’m not trying to get back on the Justice Leagues Wanted list Roy

[alllisborealis]

Bruce: Status report, how's the stakeout going with the two of you? Damian: You know father, when I came to live with you nobody warned me it would involve sharing a family tree with some sort of loathsome cave creature. Cass: Hn. Damian: I mean, are you sure we should be letting her walk around and not chaining her in the basement to be placated once a month with virgin sacrifices? Cass: Are you done? Damian: Unlikely. I've been writing these down for hours.

[alllisborealis]

I will never have enough of that angst where Tim purposefully sets himself up to be Jason's actual placeholder. He doesn't "replace" Jason because that would imply Tim has worth as himself. No, he becomes what Jason was. He allows himself to be called by the dead Robin's name both in and out of mask. He lets a grieving family pretend he's someone else.

Tim becomes useful. Not because he's Tim, but because he reminds them of Jason.

[alllisborealis]

I refuse to let boring, toothless fanon/Cass win, so here is a non-comprehensive list of actual things Cassandra Cain has canonically done: -conquered and lived amongst a pack of wolves -eaten (among other things) the contents of a Gotham City dumpster, a raw cow carcass and the flesh of at least one interdimensional demon -brought down Two-Face's crime ring by stealing all his coins so he couldn't make any decisions -stabbed Rose Wilson in the throat to checkmate Deathstroke -played a game of chicken against Batman, in jets, and WON -broke Stephanie Brown's jaw for trying to stop her digging up a corpse -stopped a murderer's heart for several seconds as a teachable moment -broke the Joker out of Arkham just to kick his ass -threw Dick Grayson out a window for hurting Barbara's feelings

[alllisborealis]

Alfred: Please, please stop drinking tea by putting the teabag in your mouth and chugging hot water

Tim, very very sleep deprived: Sorry for being cultured

[alllisborealis]

it's a fun hc of mine that during dick's robin days, he went through the "omg i wish i had a cool secret language so i can have secret conversations with my friends" phase all kids go through. but one of his closest friends at the time also happened to be the batman, a guy with possibly the most bizarrely diverse arsenal of skills in the world. bruce sees the merit in the entire idea of a coded language to communicate rudimentary information when they can hear but not see each other. so why not make a code built on bird vocalizations? it's pretty much incomprehensible to anyone without a trained ear or comprehensive knowledge of birding and impossible to even passably mimic without proper training, so while the chances of interception are high, the chances of someone understanding it enough to interrupt during the middle of a bird-convo and feed false information are not.

it also, batman and robin come to realize, feed into the "holy fuck our vigilantes are cryptids" idea. bird sounds that come from seemingly no determinable location (ventriloquism) come to mean batman and robin are nearby. to the goons of gotham, bird song becomes inextricably connected to getting your ass kicked by the dynamic duo. the real reason why criminals don't operate during the day is because they get skittish and jumpy about if the sounds of birds chirping are real birds or some masked vigilantes lying in wait to rock your shit, and it's just easier to commit crimes during the night when all the birds are asleep so you know for sure.

ornithologists have boards on their bedrooms dedicated to the bird-bats of gotham. they've written dissertations.

the bird language becomes a bit of a batfamily bonding connection. teaching each other how to do different clicks and whistles, making up slang so bruce and barbara can't complain of clogging up comms with non-mission relevant talk, searching up birds to associate them with different people, psychologically terrorizing the criminal populace of gotham by chirping at them...

how the bird code works is that there's a bird assigned to each one of gotham's major heavy hitter criminals and vigilantes, and a few assigned to heroes out of the city (by which i mean the ones the bats associate with often enough to have a sign to address by). the only birds i've got so far are the robin (for robin. self-explanatory) and the glistening-green tanager (for the joker). i only have one for the joker bc i wanted to reference this hc in one of my fics and so searched up green birds to find the most eye-searingly annoying-to-look-at green bird i could find, and the glistening-green tanager was the closest one to fit the bill.

[alllisborealis]

Is there a weather app in Gotham but for rogues?

MR. FREEZE BROKE OUT: Temperatures will probably hit below freezing despite it being August.

SCARECROW SEEN IN BRISTOL: Take your gas mask with you when leaving home.

KILLER CROC FLEES TO SEWERS: Avoid sewer grates and connected basements.

[alllisborealis]

im keeping the assassins you sent to kill me. theyre mine now.

#tim drake

[alllisborealis]

My favourite Tim headcanon is that Alfred the cat absolutely adores him and Damian tries his hardest to convince the cat that Tim isn't that great

Tim has walked by Damian's room a few times and seen that the kid has gathered all of his animals together. Titus the dog, Alfred the cat, Batcow the cow, and whatever other animals are at the Manor are shoved into Damian's room. Tim would have told Dick about it, part to see Damian get lectured and part to see Dick coo at Damian, but he pauses when he overhears the conversation.

"Don't be fooled by Drake's demeanor. He may appear as if he is capable of excellent pets, but consorting with the enemy is prohibited. Some of you," Damian side eyes Alfred but doesn't outright mention him, "have taken to begging for pets. This is unacceptable behavior."

The lecture to the animals goes on for another ten minutes.

When the animals are released, Damian walks into the library to find Alfred the cat stretched out on Tim's lap. For a split second, Tim catches the betrayed and then exasperated expression of Damian. The kid quickly covers it up.

A week later, Tim catches the animals and Damian in another meeting.

[alllisborealis]

Damiiiiii, I should drawn him more

[alllisborealis]

[alllisborealis]

Thinking about the JL finding out that Bruce has contingency plans for all of his kids and being horrified. But when the League asks them about it, all the kids are like “yeah! we actually all have them for each other just in case” and move on like it’s perfectly normal to have three different ways to take out your brother on hand (for emergencies).

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“And if you could trade this one for the dead one, son for son, would you do it?”

For an instant, the image flashed into his head, seductive and alluring—Jason back, Jason home, Jason alive—before it vanished, leaving behind a young boy broken in pieces and Jason’s horrified expression.

“No,” Bruce said hoarsely, and it tore at him, but he could never trade one life for another.

“No?” Hood repeated, voice harsh.

“Because then I’d have no sons,” Bruce said quietly.

“Gave up on the dead brat already, huh.”

Bruce wished he could punch Hood and wipe the stupid sneer off his face.

“If I exchanged an innocent life to bring Jason back,” Bruce said, struggling to keep his voice level, “Then he would never speak to me again.”

[alllisborealis]

Doodles!

[alllisborealis]

Tim deserves a villain arc