andessence

[andessence]

for the love of fucking god, tag your drug use.

#biting and biting and biting and biting and biting and biting and biting and biting and biting and biting and biting and biting and biting a #worst day of the year for a guy with drug use trigger. cannot express what i am feeling at you all. it's an emotion only known to shrimp #but there's bloodlust in it. if you are posting untagged drug use i hate you personally actually & am wishing you agony & suffering forever #||x sheer calculated silliness [ ooc ]

[andessence]

Re-watched the first season of The Alienist recently and given the state of Laszlo's leg, realized the middle photo is a film still from a scene that was cut from the end of the 8th episode and I'm like, shit... out there somewhere is a clip of Laszlo (and John) discovering Mary's lifeless body.

Let that sink in.

#;; with a bewitching face [ mary ] #;; kindness and compassion [ mary: on laszlo ] #;; enjoy some respite together [ mary: on john ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]

[andessence]

the mary energies are strong today!! going to have lunch and then put on my girl's playlist and see what we can get done in them there DRAFTS.

#mary palmer my beloved..... ur everything to me #simply tragic that the alienist rpc doesn't exist anymore 😔 mary deserves the attention.... #||x sheer calculated silliness [ ooc ]

[andessence]

Russian Doll (2019- ) Reflection (S01E06)

#;; there was something terrible in me [ caddy ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]

[andessence]

so evil that i have to "lesson plan" and "go to bed at a reasonable hour" and "go to work" like isn't it enough for u that i'm a little freak thinking about raoule de vénérande? isn't that enough? i can't believe this...

#this expectations are ludicrous ... i am made to think about fucked up literary characters and make highly specialized playlists #i wasn't made to be a productive member of society..... #so cruel...... #anyway i want to be here writing but tomorrow's busy so fingers crossed my vibes hold over until thursday #i'm also going to be rewatching 'oliver!' soon so brace for more Him. #i also feel the self destructive urge to comb back through the alienist for mary content.... we'll see where that takes me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #||x sheer calculated silliness [ ooc ]

[andessence]

not nice :((

#;; the discovery of modern love [ raoule ] #;; pure as the heavens [ fleur de lys ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]

[andessence]

#calling myself out :') #||x at least there's something under the mask [ mun ]

[andessence]

wanting to talk to people is so fucking embarrassing. literally hi it's me again I wanted to have a conversation with you because I think you're fun to talk to. oh god you can just fucking kill me if you want sorry

#;; who? me? [ david ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]

[andessence]

literature moodboard : Raoule de Vénérande (Monsieur Vénus, Rachilde)

#;; the discovery of modern love [ raoule ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]

[andessence]

How do you need to be touched?

raoule — cautiously.

your teeth are bared, as they have been, your jaw aching for so long as growls slip free. you always have to defend yourself. you lash out in fear. you need someone who does not shrink back… a hand falling slowly to your shoulder, however briefly, in a reminder that you do not have to lunge. there is no danger here, now.

Tagged by; @polarean (thanks babe) Tagging; you! steal it and tag me! i want to see what you get!

#there are only three options on this uquiz and so exactly as i feared my renfield and raoule results are the same which feels WRONG #but i guess this is sort of fair for raoule. i think it does capture his aggressive posture and his idea that love has to mean pain #but ehhh i wouldn't say this is so accurate #;; the discovery of modern love [ raoule ]

[andessence]

so cruel to be stricken with blorbotions for a character in a mediocre source material. i love u ma'am but ur covered in bad writing grime!! idk if there's anything i can do for u....

#this is about honoria from the buccaneers and i'm in pain #i just need someone to tell me why this show parses like it's fully missing episodes' worth of plot and character development. #why do characters constantly reference events that never happened on screen #why do they think they've earned their jane austen angsty confessions when we haven't done enough building on any relationships here #honoria and mabel are quietly having the x500 speedrun of every lesbian period piece's plot without any of the emotional logic #like the writers really think they can have characters have fights and storm off and then.... without doing any scenes that show developmen #..... jump right to a ' i'm so sorry for the things i said. i've totally changed my perspective and gotten over this conflict. offscreen <3 #guys.... guys u need to show characters interacting with conflict and mind-changing stimuli they cannot just whiplash between vibes #with absolutely no apparent motivation other than 'this is what has to happen next for the plot' #killing me over here. honoria sweetie i'm so sorry that an ugly ass writer's room like this would even say that oh my god #i don't even read edith wharton's works but i KNOW she has to deserve better than this adaptation is doing to her writing #||x sheer calculated silliness [ ooc ]

[andessence]

i’ve decided to carry some undying hope with me every day. as a treat

#;; purest good drawn from the vilest evil [ oliver ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]

[andessence]

old drawing of Jainan and Kiem from Winter's Orbit, if you haven't read it i highly recommend it😭🙏🏼

#;;newslog nightmare [ kiem ] #ღ nobody could want more than who you are [ kiem & jainan ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]

[andessence]

The Chaos of Longing, K.Y. Robinson 

#||x understanding is a dream [ edmund: musings ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]

[andessence]

hey all! with my writer's block lately, i'm trying to narrow my focus and get something happening again. to that end, i'm camping over at my fiyero acc @avinkusprince, thinking that a single muse blog might be more streamlined and centered rn. not closing up here or anything, but i'll be giving my attention to fiyero for the moment, so come say hi!

#||x sheer calculated silliness [ ooc ]

[andessence]

on the bright side, at least my debilitating fear of abandonment will never leave me

#;; dared to clasp a cloud [ edmund ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]

[andessence]

love is about hunger and sex is about hunger and starving is just yearning felt in a different organ

#||x i see your heart [ josiana: musings ] #||x you have no idea how crucial the timing and location are [ queue ]