annedeep

[annedeep]

I don’t know what waiting for me anymore. It seems like there is none. Ganito pala yung feeling na yung mga tao sa paligid mo nalahat nagpoprogress na pero ikaw nandito parin sa isang lugar. In other words napagiiwanan. Nauubos na ko. Nauubos na yung pagasa at pangarap sa sistema ko. Parang wala ng chance para sakin. Bakit ganun? Bakit yung iba 2-4 times ng try nakuha na agad, bakit ako ilang beses na wala parin. Ganun ba ko kamalas? Ok sana kung yung sa career lang ako failure eh kaso pati dito sa pamilya ko tingin nila sakin failure. Siguro dalawang tao palang ang nagcheer up sakin sa buong panahon na naghihintay ako ng opportunities. Yung parents ko todo support before every interviews pero pagdating ko sabahay tas yung result di satisfying they all start to rant how incompetent i am, syempre tao lang sko nasasaktan and mabilis ako masaktan especially kapag words na talaga. Triple na yung sakit. Fail ka na sa job interview tas discouragement pa maririnig mo pag uwi. 

I always pray. Lagi akong nagppray na sana matapos na to. Pero obviously di matapos tapos. Di ko alam kung sobrang tatag ko ba kaya pinaghihintay ako ng ganito ni lord o baka ganito na lang talaga. Sometimes binibigyan niya ako ng encouragements through people around me. And for a while gumagaan pakiramdam ko pero iba yung lakas ng pag discourage sakin dito sa bahay tagos tagos kahit sa bone marrows. Sobrang napapagod na ko. Minsan kapag natutulala ako parang gusto ko nalang humagulgol sa sobrang lungkot. Sobrang baba na ng tingin ko sa sarili ko. Napaka failure ko ba? Bakit ganun? Bakit ganito? Di na ko makapagopen up sa mga friends ko kasi lahat sila on the process to success ako ito tengga sa bahay. Syempre ayoko hilahin sila sa lugar kung nasan ako ngayon. I want them to succeed na hindi kailangan magworry sa akin. Ayokong kaawaan ako. Tuwing gigising ako sa umaga di na ako natutuwa. Hindi na other day for chance nararamdaman ko.New day of failure and disappointment na yung naiisip ko. Sobrang bigat na sa feeling na parang gusto ko nalang di magising kinabukasan kasi alam kong ganito nanaman ulit. Malungkot nanaman ulit. Di na ko na iencourage na maggrow kasi parang wala namang saysay. I still keep on praying for signs na panandalian lang to na matatapos din to. May times na napapagod na din ako manghingi ng signs kasi di ko narramdamang dumadating pero kapag ginive up ko to, wala na akong kakapitan. Baka bigla nalang ako magsuicide kung pati yung faith ko aalisin ko na. Sobrang bigat na talaga. 

[annedeep]

[annedeep]

Ikaw ang pinaka bad influence sa buhay ko. Kahit na gustong gusto kong mawala ka sa buhay ko hindi ko magawa. Ikaw yung bisyo ko e. Nag iisang bisyo. Daig mo pa yung sigarilyo para sa tatay ko. Ganun katindi. At ako, Isa lang sa mga bisyo mo.

Unearthed15

#credits to owner

[annedeep]

[annedeep]

I think anytime i’ll break down. Anytime soon. 

[annedeep]

Ang swerte mo pag nakahanap ka ng seryoso sa panahon ngayon.

[annedeep]

Para di ka masaktan isipin mo na lang. Na di ka na fall

Credits to the stranger

[annedeep]

Then I realize what it is. It’s him. Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn to liquid. Or burst into flames.

Veronica Roth

[annedeep]

It really hurts .it feels like the pain will never leave. Why, why did you stop chasing me?

[annedeep]

"There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn't need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don't romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise." - Emery Allen

#remember

[annedeep]

"Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now, and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest, and making someone fall in love with you is easy, and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.” —Harvey Milk

#remember

[annedeep]

“I know Love is supposed to be romantically crazy and I know you should be able to do anything for the person you love, but no one has to endure the kind of love where you get lied to or cheated, betrayed or taken for granted. I believe Love is between two people who care for each other and don't cause pain to one another. ‪#‎LoveStories‬

People should start seeing their worth and should start fighting for what they deserve.

My friend, your dignity and self-respect should always be a priority.” -  The Lunatic, The Lover, and The Poet

#self reminder #reminder

[annedeep]

I deserve someone better. I deserve someone who’ll stay and someone who’ll fight and never let go of my hand. No matter how crazy my thoughts are, no matter how difficult it is. I deserve someone who’ll pursue me not because he doesn’t have a choice but because he chooses me.

[annedeep]

Ayokong hilain, ang taong hindi naman dapat hilain.

Ayokong kapitan, ang taong hindi naman dapat kapitan.

Ayokong isipin, ang taong hindi naman ako iniisip.

Pero bakit gusto parin kita?

[annedeep]

Ayoko na ng ganitong feeling. Nakakashit eh. Nakakapagod na. LAgi nalang ako ganito pagdating sayo. Pwede ba erase nalang?

[annedeep]

Kaya atrasado ako sayo eh. Kasi ganyan ka. Kahit effort hindi mo man lang mapakita. Ang bilis mo sumuko. Nakakainis.

#prsnl

[annedeep]

Putangna. Nagkasakit ako kaya hindi kita natext. Sana naman naisip mo yun. Sana naman kahit konti lang naisip mo yun. Hindi yung iniignore mo din ako ngayon. Grabe ka naman eh. 

#prsnl