anneswiftie1305

[anneswiftie1305]

I should be applying for jobs but my heart aches so much lol i don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lock myself in my room forever.

[anneswiftie1305]

Am i self sabotaging myself or this is really the right thing to do to protect our peace. Who knows but i am definitely not tat peace rn that’s for sure. Maybe the rainbow will come after this storm?

[anneswiftie1305]

I don't know of what i'm doing is right. I just don't want you to hurt anymore because of me. I know now that i'm not capable of loving someone deeply. And i don't know the reason for that. Maybe i just don't deserve anyone. why am i so selfish.. it hurts so much god please let me do the right thing. Please.

[anneswiftie1305]

He sent me a long message during work. I'm trying so hard not to cry rn. My heart feels like its gonna explode

[anneswiftie1305]

I'm not going to beg for someone who doesn't want me

[anneswiftie1305]

A friend of mine told me to take care of my peace. If something messes up your feelings/mind, even if how much you think its worth fighting for, its not worth it. i wanna believe that things will get better in time, i've always believed that. But why am i always the one that gets blamed?

Is it the fact that he's not able to accept me as i am? I've accepted him despite his flaws too. And i don't expect him to change as much to the way that i want him to be to the extent that i feel bothered. i don't feel bothered if he remains the way he is because i love him for him. There's nothing about him i would change, not because he's perfect, but because i'm able to accept the way he is and tolerate that. I want him to feel the same way as i do but he doesn't. There's always something that i need to improve on, there's always something that he needs to know that i am doing. I constantly have to keep myself on my feet and on the move, when i'm just comfortable on my feet.

[anneswiftie1305]

I wish i'd knewn this before i got into a relationship. To love myself more. To be able to be as i am without someone imposing their expectations on me.

“Accept yourself as you are. And that is the most difficult thing in the world, because it goes against your training, education, your culture. From the very beginning you’ve been told how you should be; Nobody has ever told you that you are good as you are”

— Osho

[anneswiftie1305]

The amount of support i have.. is... truly refreshing. All this time i thought i could only depend on one person, when there's a lot of people around me that could also help.. i'm so grateful

[anneswiftie1305]

Crying again

[anneswiftie1305]

I can't help but think about you and cry at night dreaming that one day i'd be able to lie beside you, because i've always have all this while, but i don't get to dream about it anymore cus it'll never happen

[anneswiftie1305]

Never thought i'd have such warm and comforting words from people i barely know, strangers.

[anneswiftie1305]

I have to stop crying like this

[anneswiftie1305]

So weird

[anneswiftie1305]

My heart is acheing and i can't stand pretending that everything is fine. I just want to be left alone in my room but i can't do that. My sister, my very best friend decided to check up on me and sent me a message saying she misses me and how am i... i can't do this. How does she even know haha. everything just feels so empty now

[anneswiftie1305]

Getting that feeling where life is so empty and everything is just a heavy feeling

[anneswiftie1305]

I hate myself

[anneswiftie1305]

I can't stop crying today. Everything just sucks.