arcana-simp - Tumblr blog

arcana-simp · 3 years

Text

So this post happened and my dumb braincell went crazy and now it's y'all problem so...

Contains mild angst and slight NSFW mention (it's really just mentioned unfortunately), but mostly it's just crackhead

MC x Courtiers but it's the plot of a cliche Christmas RomCom film

All of these of course start from the basic premise of you/MC coming back to your small town for winter holidays.

(The cut is there because boi did this get longer than I thought....)

Vlastomil

City judge who lives reclused life on a farm outside the city and wants your family's piece of land for his worms of smth

You don't even know this until you come home and want to take a walk on that parcel of land and notice your parents going awfully quiet. They decide to tell about this issue over a cliche rich breakfast that nobody ends up touching.

It turns out the issue started with your niece who ventured a bit too far and ended up on his farm and he found her stepping on one of his worms, which led to screaming on both sides and "this is my land!" "No, it's me auntie's!" debate which led to a trip to the city hall which led to the discovery that someone was drunk when he drew property lines and that parcel appears as yours in one set set of documents and as his in another set.

You go over to his house to see if you can settle this and while having tea you find out he already has architects over planning to build a greenhouse on that plot of land and he wants to hear none of your talk. Despite already talking over tea about this. Logic.

He does give you a tour of the property, the butterfly room being the most enjoyable and say he plans to move them outside so they can get more light. The way he talks about all his 'children' makes him not look so bad but you have to keep reminding yourself why you're here. He still has none of it and sends you home.

While running errands for your parents a nice old lady fairy godmother grocery seller tells how that the reason the judge is so bitter and so fond of his little friends is because that's all he was left with after his wife cheated on him and left him for some 20 y.o. surfer many years ago right after Christmas dinner.

Your mind deciding it's time to confront him, you head back out and tell him all of this and that you know he's bitter and tell him a bunch of emotional stuff that tie you and your family to that plot of land and that he needs to let go of all the hurt. Then your heart decides he is not that bad of a man after you see him break down and cry. Then whatever you have between your legs decides that you should definitely comfort him.

Apparently the Christmas magic under the sheets worked because next morning you two agree that he will build the greenhouse and your family will still be allowed on that parcel. Just then a messenger from the city hall arrives and says the calculations were both wrong and that land is split evenly between the two of you and doesn't understand why you two begin laughing.

The film ends with a time-skip of about 4 years that shows you two now married at a huge family dinner on Christmas, and two little toddler (biological or adopted your pick) tugging at your clothes to go see the butterflies outside.

Valerius

The Grinch mayor who seems like an absolute douchebag when it comes to Christmas because he never actually understood the joy of it because parents didn't get him gifts unless he won the spelling bee

You get into an absolute beef with him when your mother tells you between tears that he doesn't want to hold the traditional Christmas fair this is year because he thinks it's a waste of money and time and could barely be persuaded for a tree in the center of the city

So, as any RomCom heroine you march into his office to give him a piece of your kind and naive mind that already has Christmas lights wrapped around it...

...and get very unceremoniously thrown out after he gives you a piece of his. There is an entire frame of him just looking hella fine in a suit as he gazes out the window then turns to look at you and the buildup collapses when he frowns like 'wtf gurl?'

You make it your mission to throw some holiday cheer on his grumpy face and nothing will stop you! The townsfolk deserve their holiday market!

During a family dinner you find out from a relative, who arrived with perfect timing from out of town to tell you this, that the mayor's family is all like that and for them Christmas is considered nothing more than a normal day when they get to show off more than on other days, that his parents are very distant, and a sad story about how his favorite nanny got fired when she tried to teach him a Christmas carol when he was like 10 or smth.

Now happy that you get to also save his soul from eternal bitterness, you head out to search for him and find him looking at a run down building. He tells you that it used to be a theater, and then about other various buildings around the city who fell apart due to poor management, and he seems these as a better investment than a week-long Christmas market.

You hold an emotional discourse about what Christmas means to you and some happy childhood memories. He doesn't seem too fazed at first but since it's getting late he invites you over for dinner at his house.

Of course as you're eating, a snowstorm starts and you can't leave, poor you, so you have to spend the night. A few glasses of wine and bonding over some childhood trauma of his later, you two get cozy by the fireplace....cozier.... cozier... ok now put your leg around his waist like that....good thing the neighbors can't hear that.

The movie ends with you two suddenly getting the genius idea that you can hold the Christmas market and use it as a way to gain donations for restoring the buildings. You become Mayor-consort in the post-credits scene.

Volta

Struggling bakery owner who is upset people see Christmas only as a consumerist holiday. Sorry hun but you are the Grinch at the beginning of this one.

You're so overwhelmed by your office job that has almost totally dehumanized you that her cheerful and kind attitude seems a bit suspicious and your first interaction ends with a sarcastic remark on your part about how all Christmas spirit can be bought, which deeply upsets her.

After you get home and try some of those delicious cupcakes that are magic or smth because you suddenly remember you have a heart and that girl was really nice to you and your mother raised you better than that ffs, you start feeling remorseful and head back to apologize.

You catch her at closing time and offer to help her clean around, you find out that while you have student loans she has a loan for the bakery that she hasn't been able to pay up lately because she gives so much of what she makes to the local homeless shelter, the orphanage and the old people who have nobody left that she barely makes enough money at the end of the day to buy ingredients for the next day.

Cue enter main villain loan shark who hates Christmas more than his father hates him because he hasn't called since he left for college but anyway. L.S. threatens if Volta doesn't pay up by immediately after Christmas, 'because I do have a heart, Miss' (fuck you loan shark, you don't and nobody likes you), he will take the bakery from her.

You put your office person brain to work and come up with whack marketing campaign for her bakery to save it, including a huge sale on Christmas Eve, because she has been so busy with everything she had no time to spread the work about it.

You stay up late with her the day before to prepare everything, it's night time and you're sitting exhausted on the floor with two cups of hot cocoa with marshmallows that she made, looking out the window and you promise her that everything will be alright and she says she knows because you are with her.

Yes, you need to sanitize that countertop... And that table in the corner... And sorry to that batch of cookies that perished in the name of love when your head was between her legs and she grabbed the table cloth and the cookie tray went bye bye. Ahem.

The sale is of course a success, loan shark cries for the first time in years and after trying a cookie decides to call his dad and apologize for ignoring him all these years but he thought he could never be good enough for his standards.

The end of the movie shows you coming back every weekend to your bakery girlfriend, until next Christmas when you tell her over a cup of hot cocoa that you decided to quit your job and open a start-up here so you two could be together.

Vulgora

Your childhood bully, now town fuckpal who is also the coach of the local highschool football team

You run into them at a highschool reunion and of course at first they don't miss the chance of mocking you under the pretense of 'banter between old friends' but you immediately show them you can stand up for yourself now and give them a piece of your mind regarding what they did to you back then and they go *surprised Pikachu face*

They spend the rest of the holiday trying to make amends with you by showing up in random places where you have business to attend to, complete coincidences of course. You find out they hold charitable sports events at the school and the kids absolutely adore them.

The moment of the movie is when you leave the supermarket after a very tiring day with obviously too many groceries to carry unless you're an octopus and one of your paper bags rips.

You sigh in frustration and begin picking them up and your hand meets theirs on top of a canned soup and you look at them surprised because you totally didn't see them in that empty parking lot

You look at each other for a couple seconds, sad music playing in the background, they give you a genuinely sad look and whisper "I'm sorry... For what I did back then... Let me make it up to you"

But you're a strong independent person so of course you say "A bit too late" with tears in your eyes as you dramatically get up and abandon the soup and run away, as if your car wasn't also there but okay

Fastforward Christmas day, one of your family members gives a tear-jerking speech about people who can change and the importance of second chances, and you flashback to when you actually had a crush on them and they offered you a ride one day after school when it was raining, so you, again dramatically, leave the Christmas gathering (grandma will never forgive you lol) and go to their apartment.

Sad music plays again as you see they live in a small apartment and they are not happy with their life and say how they always envied you and it's the whole 'i was extremely dumb and picked on you because I liked you but there was no way someone like you would ever want to be with someone like me' trope.

This time a slow holiday music plays as you too get it on, furniture flying around (told ya it's a small apartment), and grandma is secretly proud you ditched you uncle's boring stories to get laid. She's not upset anymore.

The movie ends with you going back to the city and taking them with you as they shout "GOODBYE, LOSERS!" out the car window as you two drive away.

Valdemar

Town doctor who is basically Grinch in a white coat and more charismatic.

You can somehow remember them arriving in town just as you were finishing highschool a few years back and everyone being surprised that a doctor with such good recommendations came to such a small town. When asked about it they merely said they prefer the peace and quiet here after working in the big city for most of their career.

While most of the year they are manageable, during winter holidays they become downright insufferable to anyone who exhibits any type of cheer. And children are their favorite. One year a mother angrily shouted at them across the vegetables aisle in the supermarket because they told her daughter Santa isn't real. Eye witnesses reported that they seemed more than pleased with this reaction.

And this year it's your nephew's turn apparently. It ended up being you who had to take him to their office for a bad cough and the precious little kid wanted to ask the pretty doctor what plans they had for Christmas. What he, and you, totally didn't expect was a very tough real-life lesson about Christmas that was explained so simply that a 6 year old understood. And started crying.

Of course you got fired up because hey who do you think you are saying that to the kid wanna catch these hands doc? They seemed awfully bored by your lecture and after they opened their mouth again, there were now two crying people leaving the office and them happily waving goodbye at you.

You keep fuming about this and them and ugh and come Christmas day, your nephew decides it would be a good idea to climb into a tree half covered in ice and snow. Big ouchie. Big. Rush them to the doctor's office and it ends up with multiple stiches and kid has to spend the night because he's unconscious anyway. You decide to stay with him.

Extremely sentimental moment in which you are sitting in that dark room around midnight, and they walk in and sit down next to you, you exchange a glance and after a few minutes they gently squeeze your hand in reassurance and you fall asleep on their shoulder.

Next day you visit them to properly thank them for saving your nephew but still call them out for acting like a prick that time. They shrug it off but as you wonder around their house, of course they invited you in they are civilized, you uncover the fact that the main reason they are like this is that they have always been alone, since they were young and such displays of cheerful spirit was looked down upon and made fun of where they come from.

So of course in from the goodness of your heart and other body parts you take it upon yourself to make their holiday less lonely, a lot less lonely. And find out the various ways and positions your body could bend into that you had no idea about untill now.

The film ends with a time-skip, showing you arriving in your hometown on an unspecified Christmas in the future and entering the clinic just in time to see a young boy showing Valdemar a toy horse and cheerfully explaining that Santa got it for him and your heart stops for a while but they just pet the boy on the head and tell them it's a very nice present. After the boy leaves you go up to them as they lock the door and they give you a 'don't even start' look but you obviously can't help it and wrap your arms around their neck and ask them what did Santa get you this year, kiss and fade to black scene of you two walking away hand in hand.

#god this is amazing #i love it

107 notes · View notes