athoraw

[athoraw]

Was playing Mac and brockhampton your sign to me?

[athoraw]

I tilted my head back with the cold air forcing it’s way around me. The song describing anything I could ever feel. I held on tight to the roof rack while my shoes stayed inside where my best friends reside.

I’m free. I’m open.

I stare at the stars that spread father than what can be seen in town. The maps took us on a unfamiliar road which then I knew I was supposed to be there. The trees wrapped my vision on each side. I couldn’t help but yell in excitement.

This reminded me of you.

Home

[athoraw]

The first sound of the slow thunder

The first light in the sky that shoots through showing everything in the dark

The first “storm” of the season always brings excitement and a deep heart feeling

It brings every memory back of every storm in the sky that brought me comfort

I try to remember each one

It makes me think of each person I care about, telling them if they have seen it

It makes me think of being with them and what I would do, creating a memory

This one I’m alone, seeing the first storm in my own

It made wonder if you find significance in it too?

If you hear the rain and find peace in knowing this is the first one

I want tell you what I feel about it

I want you to see the little things

I can’t help but feel lounging in my heart on this first storm

But I’m grateful for the clarity that it brings

[athoraw]

I’ve always felt the comfort for rain. The moody sky doesn’t create sadness but guidance. I appreciate every moment of it and try to lock into my brain. The low clouds skimming the hills. The grey that compliments the blue. Perfect music to add to the cozy feeling. A feeling that makes you at home but still not being able to put it into words.

I’ve wondered what color makes me think of you.

The few rainy evenings that have come along recently have told me what it is. The navy blue that keeps the rain around.

These feelings match. You remind me of rainy events where all I want to do is go and appreciate every second of it. Because it only comes around here and there.

Comforting cool colors.

I sat in my car listing to the rain in silence. I want to know what this weather gives you, what does it make you think.

It makes me think of the future.

#Spotify

[athoraw]

That’s why she stood out to me so much, bc you loved her too

[athoraw]

No it’s not curiosity.

I’ve tried compile a million reasons to fill this hole and never take a step over to look into it again.

But lately, I find myself wanting to put a light inside.

As grow more each day I am met with a new detail of what I’m doing. A new detail of who exactly I need to heal. What also comes along is a new detail of this journey that I am on.

It’s something else can I add. I often think of when I used to say I wish it wasn’t me, now I think, it feels weird to look back on who I was.

I’ve said before that this chapter has let me know I’ve been numb, again without even realizing it. I get memories on social media and I can’t even recognize the girl that displays on the screen, I can’t read her thoughts, I can’t help to let her know that so much is coming.

Friday I woke up with no trace of being able to go back to sleep. I wake up with signs and then I dig deeper. I feel the need to go out when the light shows and sit alone with my thoughts and tools.

So I did just that. I sat alone at falling rock. First wanting it to be known because communication isn’t a thing. I begin to start my morning affirmations, thinking of one on my own but eventually just taking one from the past. I get into my book and leave it at the last two pages.

The sun peeks her head through the trees and I can’t help notice the fine details around me. How there are so many lives but I am the only one who chose to spend their time here. I’m grateful for it. Songs play and I am remind by little girl cora with no intention. I think about what she really wanted. I answer with hesitation but then I come up with adventure. She wanted to see and do things. She wanted to remember as much as she could. So much that she used to put time, date, and even the day on her pictures that she drew. Maybe even how the mood was. She also focused so much on the future, she always wanted something to look forward too to get by the next days to come.

One thing she did not learn was to stay present in the time she is in now, which she is being currently taught. No matter how the feelings feel, I am starting to feel grateful to be taught whatever lesson that has shown her face.

I stare at the trees and my mirror with an abandoned three bedroom home. Which if I didn’t slow down now I would have never noticed it and would have never gotten the gratitude feeling that came over me. I take pictures to remember this moment.

I am amazed.

Today I’ve learned to let it go, not necessarily forever but just not to force it.

Images have become sounds

And I wish to stay strong through out the visit that is yet to come, I know cora will pull through.

[athoraw]

stages 🤍🖤🤍

[athoraw]

I feel so much now

[athoraw]

July 18th

[athoraw]

this is no story, I wish to keep it to myself

[athoraw]

The saddest but most reassuring thing is that I’ve been straying away

yet to still feel the same

[athoraw]

“I would like to be known as an intelligent woman, a courageous woman, a loving woman, a woman who teaches by being.”

—

[athoraw]

it doesn’t come in waves anymore

It’s constant

[athoraw]

You Know

[athoraw]

“you should think about yourself first”

@8:01

hotel convos

[athoraw]

baby I gotta get out of this town

[athoraw]

I can feel m dreams coming true