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I keep seeing people making fun of using growled, hissed, roared, snarled etc in writing and it’s like.

have you never heard someone speak with the gravel in their voice when they get angry? Because that’s what a growl is.

Have you never heard someone sharply whisper something through the thin space of their teeth? Or when your mother sharply told you to stop it in public as a kid when you were acting up/being too loud? Because that’s what a hiss is.

Have you never heard a man get so blackout angry that their voice BOOMS through the house? Because that’s what a roar is.

Have you never seen someone bare their teeth while talking to accentuate their frustration or anger while speaking with a vicious tone? Because that’s what snarling is.

It’s not meant to be a literal animal noise. For the love of god, not every description is literal. I get some people are genuinely confused, but also some of these people are genuinely unimaginative as fuck.

[azureseraph]

I’m so sorry but in the nicest way possible do yall actually read books or just read words??? Cause I’ve been seeing that trend of people not understanding how “snarled” and “eyes darkened” and “eyes softened” etc. was used in a book and like…

Genuinely, do yall just not have imagination?? Or not understand figurative language??? Also eyes do literally darken and soften have you not lived a life??? How do you read with no imagination? Is this how you get through so many books in one month - you simply don’t take the time the understand the words as they are read?

[azureseraph]

Every single day I'm grateful for that time I stumbled on the SVSSS headcanon that while Bingqiu is considered highkey confusing and lowkey cringe in the demon realm, Moshang is known as the Power Couple™. They're the demonic love story. The 'It Couple'.

Just generations of demons sighing over the dramatic and bloody love story of the Northern King and his right hand man plus spymaster, yearning for a love story filled with such glorious violence and betrayal! A classic childhood friends to lovers narrative filled with ups and downs and copious murder and gore! Love at first sight! The story of the loyal spy who rose up the ranks of the brutal Northern Court, culling his competition while providing vital intel to his liege, all the while infiltrating the most powerful cultivation sect in the world and eventually even becoming a Peak Lord! The slow burn of all slow burns! All kinds of spicy complicated power imbalances! Sexy, unexpected age gaps! Years of heavy plot! Decades of passionate courting! The pinnacle of inter-species forbidden romance!The tale of a man who swore eternal loyalty after falling violently in love at the very first meeting, calling a mere Prince His King in his desire and determination to see his beloved's ascension to the throne that was his birthright, and the Demon Prince who was unexpectedly presented with fierce loyalty in a life that had until then been rife with treachery and grabbed it with both hands and never looked back!

...and there's Junshan and the weird human he keeps around. Somewhat interesting if you're into that teacher-student thing I guess. There were very few deaths. Some bland murders. The trial arc and the self destruct thing plus corpse hoarding was interesting but overall very vanilla. Unseasoned. Not even a proper decade of drama. Kinda boring. And Junshan's half human so they're like Walmart version inter-species romance. But whatever the Emperor's into I guess. His dad was kinda weird too but at least his relationship with that human woman had some kick to it. The new generation just doesn't appreciate a long drawn out painful romance tsk tsk...

Like infinitely grateful to whoever first spawned that headcanon. Never fails to make me laugh. Honestly the most hilarious thing I've ever seen in this fandom. Hope your pillow is always cold and you never stub your toe.

[azureseraph]

Palestine Masterlist 

Introduction to Palestine: 

Decolonize Palestine:

Palestine 101

Rainbow washing 

Frequently asked questions 

Myths 

IMEU (Institute for Middle East Understanding):

Quick Facts - The Palestinian Nakba 

The Nakba and Palestinian Refugees 

The Gaza Strip

The Palestinian catastrophe (Al-Nakba)

Al-Nakba (documentary)

The Hundred Years’ War on Palestine: A History of Settler Colonialism and Resistance, 1917-2017 (book)

The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine (book)

Nakba Day: What happened in Palestine in 1948? (Article)

The Nakba did not start or end in 1948 (Article)

Donations and charities: 

Al-Shabaka

Electronic Intifada 

Adalah Justice Project 

IMEU Fundraiser 

Medical Aid for Palestinians 

Palestine Children’s Relief Fund 

Addameer

Muslim Aid

Palestine Red Crescent

Gaza Mutual Aid Patreon

Books:

A New Critical Approach to the History of Palestine

The Idea of Israel: A History of Power and Knowledge

Hidden Histories: Palestine and the Eastern Mediterranean

The Balfour Declaration: Empire, the Mandate and Resistance in Palestine

Queer Palestine and the Empire of Critique

From Haven to Conquest: Readings in Zionism and the Palestine Problem until 1948

Captive Revolution - Palestinian Women’s Anti-Colonial Struggle within the Israeli Prison System

Palestine: A Four Thousand Year History

Except for Palestine: The Limits of Progressive Politics

Before Their Diaspora: A Photographic History of The Palestinians 1876-1948

The Battle for Justice in Palestine Paperback

Uncivil Rites: Palestine and the Limits of Academic Freedom

Palestine Rising: How I survived the 1948 Deir Yasin Massacre

The Transformation of Palestine: Essays on the Origin and Development of the Arab-Israeli Conflict

A Land Without a People: Israel, Transfer, and the Palestinians 1949-1996

The Iron Cage: The Story of the Palestinian Struggle for Statehood

A History of Modern Palestine: One Land, Two Peoples

Where Now for Palestine?: The Demise of the Two-State Solution

Terrorist Assemblages - Homonationalism in Queer Times

Militarization and Violence against Women in Conflict Zones in the Middle East

The one-state solution: A breakthrough for peace in the Israeli-Palestinian deadlock

The Persistence of the Palestinian Question: Essays on Zionism and the Palestinians

Fateful Triangle: The United States, Israel and the Palestinians

The False Prophets of Peace: Liberal Zionism and the Struggle for Palestine

Ten myths about Israel

Blaming the Victims: Spurious Scholarship and the Palestinian Question

Israel and its Palestinian Citizens - Ethnic Privileges in the Jewish State

Palestinians in Israel: Segregation, Discrimination and Democracy

Greater than the Sum of Our Parts: Feminism, Inter/Nationalism, and Palestine

Palestine Hijacked 

Palestinian Culture:

Mountain against the Sea: Essays on Palestinian Society and Culture

Palestinian Costume

Traditional Palestinian Costume: Origins and Evolution

Tatreez & Tea: Embroidery and Storytelling in the Palestinian Diaspora

Embroidering Identities: A Century of Palestinian Clothing (Oriental Institute Museum Publications)

The Palestinian Table (Authentic Palestinian Recipes)

Falastin: A Cookbook

Palestine on a Plate: Memories from My Mother’s Kitchen

Palestinian Social Customs and Traditions

Palestinian Culture before the Nakba

Tatreez & Tea (Website)

The Traditional Clothing of Palestine

The Palestinian thobe: A creative expression of national identity

Embroidering Identities:A Century of Palestinian Clothing

Palestine Traditional Costumes

Palestine Family 

Palestinian Costume

Encyclopedia of World Dress and Fashion, v5: Volume 5: Central and Southwest Asia

Tent Work in Palestine: A Record of Discovery and Adventure

Documentaries, Films, and Video Essays:

Jenin, Jenin

Born in Gaza

GAZA 

Wedding in Galilee 

Omar

5 Broken Cameras

OBAIDA

Indigeneity, Indigenous Liberation, and Settler Colonialism (not entirely about Palestine, but an important watch for indigenous struggles worldwide - including Palestine)

Edward Said - Reflections on Exile and Other Essays

Palestine Remix: 

AL NAKBA

Gaza Lives On

Gaza we are coming

Lost cities of Palestine 

Stories from the Intifada 

Last Shepherds of the Valley

Voices from Gaza

Muhammad Smiry

Najla Shawa

Nour Naim

Wael Al dahdouh

Motaz Azaiza

Ghassan Abu Sitta

Refaat Alareer (murdered by Israel - 12/7/2023. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un)

Plestia Alaqad

Bisan Owda

Ebrahem Ateef

Mohammed Zaanoun

Doaa Mohammad

Hind Khoudary

Palestinian Voices, Organizations, and News 

Boycott Divest and Sanction (BDS)

Defense for Children in Palestine

Palestine Legal 

Palestine Action

Palestine Action US

United Nations relief and works for Palestinian refugees in the Middle East (UNRWA)

National Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP)

Times of Gaza

Middle East Eye

Middle East Monitor

Mohammed El-Kurd

Muna El-Kurd 

Electronic Intifada 

Dr. Yara Hawari 

Mariam Barghouti

Omar Ghraieb

Steven Salaita

Noura Erakat

The Palestinian Museum N.G.

Palestine Museum US

Artists for Palestine UK 

Eye on Palestine 

[azureseraph]

i want to reiterate i don't think israeli hostages have had the time of their lives and i don't think this ordeal was fun or easy for them but looking at how israeli hostages have been released by hamas and how palestinian hostages have been released by israel is a really dark-sided reality check on just how low the standards for israel have been to meet a basic threshold for humanity and yet it still failed

[azureseraph]

Flower for Anthony - chap 2

Chap 1

Series: Pray for us Icarus by @seaskystone

Illustration by me

[azureseraph]

REMINDER

Stretch your back

Adjust your eyes to natural light

Turn the room light on if it’s too dark

Drink some water

When was the last time you ate?

Junk food is better than no food

Eat a cookie or a cake if you can’t manage anything else

Hug an animal or a teddy bear

Put your pyjamas or some comfy clothes on

If you’re wearing a bra or a binder, take it off and take a deep breath

Put on your favourite song

Drink some water

Check on your friends, you’re not bothering them I promise

Make sure you get to sleep on time

Take a shower or a bath if you can

If you can’t, run your head under the water instead

Your bed sheets probably need changing

Can’t change them? Just brush the crumbs off

Take a deep breath

Drink some water

Relax your shoulders

Unclench your jaw

Stretch your arms and legs

Imagine your limbs becoming heavy and the stress leaving your body

If you need to cry, then cry

You’re not weak for crying, you’re strong

Read a good book or listen to a podcast

Drink some water

And most importantly:

I’m proud of you ❤

[azureseraph]

The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System is a story about being unlovable and self-perception and the tragedy of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It's about a story that Shang Qinghua writes, about this kind of damage being passed down from one generation to the next, and the man himself reflects these issues directly, yes, but they seep out into the entire universe he creates. At the beginning, this was the story he wrote, cut off and left adrift and quietly rejected by his own family, in an attempt to scrape by. In the original draft, Binghe would have been left alone and immortal, never truly loved, with everyone he tried to grasp and keep slipping through his fingers as he was the only one left, with his surroundings reflecting his inner emptiness. But then, Shang Qinghua lost that first draft, and he's left with a rushed, sexed-up story that's financially successful in a way that he knows the original story he wanted to share never would have been. It's about feeling certain that nobody actually wants who you really are, and watching that inner feeling come true around you.

Because this story is about Shen Jiu too. Nobody embodies this tragedy as viscerally as Shen Jiu does, and it's telling that his backstory is one of the critical elements of that lost story than Shang Qinghua never actually got to write. He starts out as a slave kid on the streets, he has no value as a person and is aware of that, and pours everything he has into his relationship with Qi-ge. By everyone else, his confidence and ambition are treated as punchlines, whether he's a toy/pet to the Qiu family, or a tool to his scam artist master after making his escape. But it's deciding that Qi-ge abandoned him that really locks this damage into place. There's nothing Yue Qingyuan can give him that will convince him that the gift is the result of care, rather than guilt. There's no achievement that makes him feel secure. It becomes a tragic feedback loop where his standoffishness and abrasiveness damage his interpersonal relationships to the point where in an ambiguous situation, he's offered less and less credit, until he's simply handed over to a torturer. And it's a situation that was built, in part, by his own actions, because he passed a lot of his own pain down to Luo Binghe.

Luo Binghe's situation is the most textual, in the story we get. He was set adrift in a river moments after being born, where he would have died if not for a fortunate rescue. Even after being adopted, it was a difficult childhood. His mother loved him, but she was torn away while he was still young. And Shen Jiu was a teacher who chose him, but then was particularly and viciously cruel to him. Even in the novel timeline, when Shen Yuan gets thrown into the picture and starts pampering him as soon as he can get away with it, a lot of damage has already been done. The abyss plot point does more, and Shen Qingqiu's fear of his canon fate does more and more. Binghe has been internalizing these rejections from the start. He's not interested in hearing about his birth parents until he's forced to listen, and the cracks show multiple times, right on the page, when he speaks about how nobody would ever want him, or choose him. Even after Shen Qingqiu has made it very clear how much he cares and is willing to sacrifice on his sake (which is a whole other kettle of worms, binghe's decreasing ability to cope with people (shen qingqiu) being hurt for the sake of protecting him, and his growing certainty that caring about him is something intrinsically harmful to others), even after Shen Qingqiu leaves Cang Qiong with him, Binghe barely manages to propose marriage before scrambling to backtrack, because it's not something he can conceptualize having for himself, and he's terrified that it's too much to ask.

But it's interesting that Shang Qinghua's struggles are drawn out for arguably the longest. He has a rough time of it, in both his lives. Even after making it into Cang Qiong Mountain Sect on his transmigration adventure, as the author of the universe in question, he's still shunted off into the most overworked and underappreciated of the peaks. Him hurling himself into shameless begging to survive dangerous situations like meeting Mobei-jun is a more clever characterization than I think it appears at first. And it's funny, right? But it becomes more and more of a sad kind of funny as we get all the way into the extras, and he's totally clueless that Mobei-jun is placing his entire life in Shang Qinghua's hands until it's already happened and they're both in an incredibly dangerous situation. Now, some of this is definitely on Mobei-jun, who is hilariously bad at communication, even in this cast of clowns, but it's also really sad that Shang Qinghua wrote his ideal man, and is confident that this person wouldn't even give someone like Shang Qinghua the time of day. It does genuinely move me that Mobei-jun still fell hard for him, but in a really sad, upsetting way, if that makes sense? And even after Mobei-jun has (barely-verbally) been like 'I trust you above anyone else to protect me when my uncle comes to kill me, and I'm so confident in your abilities that I don't think I even need to explain myself,' afterwards, when Shang Qinghua runs off, he's shocked when Mobei-jun comes looking for him.

I adore how often cnovels include extras after the end of the story proper, but my relationship with the svsss ones is odd, because most of them just emotionally shred me, and I finish the experience on a more melancholy note than I would have initially expected. We get all of Shang Qinghua's personal context and experiences in this part, it's where we get the marriage proposal, and it's got all of Shen Jiu's pov sections. It's also got Zhuzhi-lang, another character who either disappeared in the lost draft or who Shang Qinghua never wrote, who embodies this lack of self-worth even more bluntly than the others, and it's got the universe crossover with canon!binghe, who's still grasping after the experience of being loved, but is gripping so hard that he squeezes the life out of the relationships he tries to keep. These ideas are important in the story proper, but the extras are what take the idea of 'it's silly to think that i would ever be loved' and go after it like a dog with a squeaky toy. Seeing this crop up for one character would be fun, seeing it come up so many times, including for the author character himself, is intentional.

[azureseraph]

Happy Valentine's day, everyday for WangXian ❤

[azureseraph]

When 2 different posts pop up but are legit the same.

Bingpup (permanently loved)

#bingqiu #catzun #bingpup

[azureseraph]

i'm begging you guys to start pirating shit from streaming platforms. there are so many websites where you can stream that shit for free, here's a quick HOW TO:

1) Search for: watch TITLE OF WORK free online

2) Scroll to the bottom of results. Click any of the "Complaint" links

3) You will be taken to a long list of links that were removed for copyright infringement. Use the 'find' function to search for the name of the show/movie you were originally searching for. You will get something like this (specifics removed because if you love an illegal streaming site you don't post its url on social media)

4) each of these links is to a website where you can stream shit for free. go to the individual websites and search for your show/movie. you might have to copy-paste a few before you find exactly what you're looking, but the whole process only takes a minute. the speed/quality is usually the same as on netflix/whatever, and they even have subtitles! (make sure to use an adblocker though, these sites are funded by annoying popups)

In conclusion, if you do this often enough you will start recognizing the most dependable websites, and you can just bookmark those instead. (note: this is completely separate from torrenting, which is also a beautiful thing but requires different software and a vpn)

you can also download the media in question (look for a "download" button built into the video window, or use a browser extension such as Video DownloadHelper.)

[azureseraph]

all of this billy attacked lucas billy attacked a kid he hit a kid-

no. watch it again.

billy came in, held lucas against a wall, told lucas to "stay away from her".

and then lucas kicked him in the nuts. lucas fought back, kicked billy, and billy staggered back. and then what did he do? did billy punch lucas? grab him again?

no.

"you are so dead sinclair," billy yells.

also side note; "he has a name now" billy says to max earlier in the series, yet here billy is using the kid's name. so billy clearly never had a problem with max knowing lucas' name, never thought of lucas as a second class citizen; he was just saying shit his dad woulda said, to try and get max to back off for both their sakes.

"so dead," says billy. but billy doesn't do shit. doesn't set up for a punch, doesn't get ready for a fight. he does fuck all.

because billy hargrove is the king of empty threats. "you know what happens when you lie," billy tells max in the car, when she says lucas is just a guy from school. he makes it seem like if she lies, there will be consequences. but in their next scene together, max is lying to billy about "mormons" being at the door, and billy knows she's lying, it's so obvious. and he doesn't do shit.

'you know what happens when you lie' - nothing. nothing happens when max lies.

because billy's threats are always empty.

because he's not his father. he's not abusive.

it's neil's threats that carry weight. neil threatens billy, and then hits him.

so when billy goes after max, and lucas, and holds lucas against a wall, threatens him; it's a warning. not to lucas, but to max. it's a warning that the next time it might not be him who comes after them. it might be neil. and if neil finds max with lucas, it'll be much worse. cos neil will start throwing punches. hell, if neil hargrove can hit his own son just for not knowing where his sister is, think about what neil would do to the black kid who's been helping max sneak out of the house.

billy's threats are empty. neil's aren't.

and when billy goes into that house and holds lucas against a wall, he wasn't there to beat up lucas, didn't want to go off on some kids. he just threw his weight around, grabbed lucas, to warn max that next time? next time it might be neil who comes looking for her.

and neil will start throwing punches at kids.

[azureseraph]

This is my first and probably last post I will ever make. I’m here to consume the content, not necessarily create it.

I see all of you fighting the good fight for Billy and his story. And I wanted to add my thoughts into the ring.

As someone who works with children and adults from abusive backgrounds EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can tell you that Billy checks every single box for being in his survival state 24/7.

I have had extensive trainings about trauma, how to recognize it and the effects it can have on a person and how they act. Personally I have endured a lot of trauma myself and had to unlearn a lot of unhealthy behaviors and ways of thinking because of it.

With that being said: someone who is in a state of survival constantly is not capable of thinking rationally, the only goal is to…survive.

Billy Hargrove was an abused child. A CHILD. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Does this forgive his actions? No. But it explains them. Gives us a deeper insight into the “why?”

Neil hit his son, he insulted him, called him a slur and then reminded him that Max, his younger stepsister’s well-being is in his hands. That’s a lot for a 17 year old to go through. Then he goes to the Byers residence where he’s insulted and lied to. His sister (who’s well-being is in his hands) is alone with 5 boys, one of them is his age? THEN to top it all off, Steve punches him? All that built up rage from what just happened with Neil comes spilling out. Oh and to make matters worse, he gets sedated and Max MIRRORS Neil’s abuse by making him repeat himself. Keep this in mind, while all this is going on Billy has absolutely no idea what is going on. He still doesn’t know what Max is doing with all of these boys in this house.

Moving forward- Billy gets possessed by the mind flayer, he still has no idea what is going on and loses control of his own body. He had to watch as his hands take the lives of many people to feed this creature from his worst nightmares. Then this group of children lock him in a sauna, he is FINALLY able to beg for help and sobs. Even then NOBODY tells him what’s going on, no one really makes an effort to help him. It’s only in the final episode of season 3 that El breaks through to him, she see’s his past, his mom leaving, the abuse. Even standing up to the mind flayer Billy has no idea what he’s up against, he’s still in the dark. All he knows is that it’s him or this child that showed him how to come back to himself. It’s him or Max, and as we already know Max’s well-being is in his hands. Nothing is more terrifying than Neil’s wrath. And in his dying breath he apologizes.

For my fellow Billy Stans- Please never let anyone bully you about what characters you can and can’t like. Your ability to see deeper into the characters and push past the hate is needed in this world. Not just in fiction, but in the real world. If you relate to Billy as I do, from past trauma, I am so sorry. I am so very sorry that you have to fight, explain and rationalize your love for him every time. For whatever reason you stand behind Billy Hargrove, it is valid. And unlike Billy’s story, I hope that yours doesn’t end in tragedy. My inbox is always open for those who need to talk.

Now, for the Antis- I want to say, good for you. You managed to take a broken and deeply complex character and reduce him to a heartless villain in your minds. Think what you want about him, it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is how you act to the people who do relate to Billy. The name calling, the hate, the wild assumptions about real people!! It’s so insane to me. I hope that turning into the bully to make a point was worth it. How other people relate to a character doesn’t affect you in any way at all. Somehow many of you have managed to put people down and make them afraid to express their love for a character. It’s not something to be proud of.

I am not willing to argue with anyone on this, this is just my views and my opinion. Dacre Montgomery stated that he worked hard to humanize Billy Hargrove. Seeing his character be dragged through the mud and continuously be turned into the irredeemable monster by the Duffer Brothers and the fans is just really sad.

Billy Hargrove means a lot to me. For a lot of different reasons. He deserved so much more than he was given. He deserved a chance to redeem himself and to tell his side of the story. He deserved a chance to apologize for everything he did in his survival state. He deserved the chance to finally be happy and be surrounded by people who actually cared for him, who wanted to help him.

Just keep going everyone. ❤️

[azureseraph]

When people are like… Billy is not a complex character!!! I am like, ah yes…

Billy and Will being born in the same week is a coincidence

Billy and Will having the same name is a coincidence

Billy being called a f*ggot by his father just like Will is a coincidence

Billy mirroring his mother smashing a plate over Steve’s head is a coincidence

Billy dressing like his mother is a coincidence

The lock outside Billy’s door is a coincidence

The Mindflayer mirroring his father’s abuse is a coincidence

The fact that Billy’s mom left and he is responsive to the affections of older women is a coincidence

The Tigers uniform Billy wore as a child being the same team name/colors in Hawkins is a coincidence

Billy knowing how to surf and Steve wanting to learn is a coincidence

Steve wearing Billy’s leather jacket is a coincidence

Billy’s pool entry mimicking Phoebe Cates in Fast Times is a coincidence

Steve later referencing that same scene in Fast Times is a coincidence

Et Cetera

‘Merely coincidence! It means nothing! It means nothing! He’s just a one dimensional antagonist! Nothing fleshed out about him!’

If it truly all meant nothing, then The Duffers are bigger fools than I thought when it comes to writing.

[azureseraph]

I'm thinking of an AU where Billy wasn't involved in the shenanigans/horrors of season three at all. He worked at the pool, picked up extra shifts ever since Heather stopped showing up, went to scoops every chance he got just to see Steve Harrington's fat ass in those tiny shorts. He has a night off for once and decides to go and see that new sci-fi movie playing at the mall. Near the end he swears he can hear Harrington laughing like a lunatic with some girl down in the front row, but when the movie ends Billy doesn't see him in the que to leave, just the girl he works with huddled around a bucket of popcorn and giggling to herself while she wanders towards the water fountain. He needs to piss, so Billy makes his way to the bathroom, stopping short outside the entrance when the sound of someone wretching up what must be all of their internal organs filters through the door. He debates just going home, but he actually *really* has to go. So.

Billy pushes open the door, ignoring the painful vomiting sounds three doors down and takes care of business. It's not until he saunters up to wash his hands that he notices a pair of very familiar Nike's sticking out across the floor. And there sits Harrington, hugging the toilet like a lifeline and panting into the crook of his elbow.

"Harrington? Shit, you alright?"

And normally he'd poke fun. Pretty boy is obviously on something, evident by his blown out pupils and glassy stare. But he's also sweating buckets and shaking, tears and snot running down his face. And Jesus ever loving *fuck*, whoever worked over pretty boy's face wasn't pulling any punches.

Steve squints, eyes traveling slowly from Billy's boots up to his face. He smiles, dopey and high and Billy winces at how it pulls the purple black swelling of his cheek.

"Yeah, I feel way better now."

Which. *Okaaaaay*.

"I'll bet. What the fuck happened to your face?"

"I was integrated-..inter...interror-...I was tortured by Russian spies"

Billy snorts, amused despite himself.

"Oh yeah? That why you weren't at the counter today, sailor?"

Steve scrunches up his nose, and damn, Billy's gunna have to ask Harrington what he took when he's a bit more sober. It's some potent stuff if he's not even flinching moving an obviously broken nose like that.

"You know my shift schedule?"

*Shit*. Billy feels the tips of his ears go hot. Clearing his throat awkwardly as he glances down at his boots.

Time to change the subject.

"Why were you being *interrogated* by Russian spies, pretty boy?"

Steve sucks his teeth.

"Cuz the monsters came back and Robin cracked Dustin's code and then we went under the mall in an elevator to a secret Russian Army base and got caught and then they beat me up and shot me and Robin up with truth syrup and-...umm....I think that's it."

Billy blinks.

Once.

Twice.

And. *Huh*.

"That right?"

Steve nods, swaying dangerously forward before catching himself on the stall doorway.

Whatever he's on, Steve obviously *believes* what he's saying. There might even be something to that 'truth serum' element considering how he's answered all of Billy's questions so easily. And Billy never once in his life claimed to be a good person.

"Why were you with my sister at the Byers' house last winter?"

Steve's head shoots up, eyes wide as saucers and for one horrifying moment Billy's sure the guy is going to start crying. Thankfully he doesn't, just slumps even heavier against the toilet with a sigh.

"Because there are monsters in the dark. And I was supposed to protect them. I *had* to protect them. Hopper said to *stay*. And then you showed up and Max said you were gonna kill her and I was supposed to keep them *safe*"

Billy tries to parse through whatever make believe bullshit Steve is spouting before getting caught on the whole *killing his sister* part.

"What, and you believed her?"

Steve gives him a considering look. Barring the rest of *whatever the fuck* Steve is talking about, Billy isn't sure he wants to hear the answer the guy is obviously mulling over.

Finally, he settles on "I don't anymore", and something sharp and hurt in Billy's chest settles.

"Hmm. Alright. If you've been *shot up with truth syrup*" Billy huffs a laugh "tell me a secret. Something you specifically don't want me to know."

Again, Billy's never claimed to be a good person.

Somewhere under all that blood and bruising, Billy thinks he sees a flush creep up Harrington's neck.

*Jackpot*

"I'm the one who keeps stealing your photo from the pool corkboard"

He-..

Wait

What?

"That's-. Uh. Not what I thought you were gonna say."

Steve shrugs, embarrassed and looking anywhere but Billy. And Billy *has to know*. Has to ask.

"Why?"

Harrington looks up at him, not a trace of a lie in his eyes.

"Cuz every time I go to the pool to ask you on a date I chicken out."

Billy can't feel his fucking *face*. He has no idea what to say.

It's at this exact moment one of Max's nerd friends kicks down the bathroom door, holding Scoops girl by the shirt while Sinclair's little sister levels Billy with a challenging glare that has shame curling hot and acrid in his gut.

"STEVE! We've been looking *everywhere* for you! C'mon buddy, we have to get outta here before the Russian guys find us."

These hicks are fucking insane.

After helping Steve up to rinse out his mouth in the sink, Billy walks out of the bathroom with Harrington hanging off his shoulder when a bullet whizzes past his nose to embed itself in the cement wall.

Henderson is screaming "Shit, they found us!" while two men in black combat gear come charging up the escalator, armed to the teeth. They bark orders out in what is obviously Russian before a show car *flies through the air* and crushes them against the wall.

After Billy is introduced to a little girl with God damn *superpowers*, he's given a bare bones explanation while Steve plays with one of Billy's stray curls like it's the most interesting thing in the world. And monsters are real and there's a spider made of people out to get them and apparently Heather is possessed and all Billy can hear is

***Cuz every time I go to the pool to ask you on a date I chicken out***

[azureseraph]

I love the idea of everyone living and going back to high school with their new Scary Dog privileges in the form of Billy coming back with them.

Billy whose funeral half the women of Hawkins attended a year ago that now doesn’t speak to any of them. Billy who no longer has his loud Camaro but instead is dropped off and picked up everyday with his sister Max and Robin Buckley by Steve Harrington of all people.

Billy who gets into a bloody fistfight with Jason after Jason goes after Eddie for “stealing” Chrissy from him. It’s Eddie who pulls Billy off Jason even with his own busted lip from Jason’s first swing. But it’s Chrissy who stands over Jason and tells him if he tries that again they won’t stop Billy next time.

None of Lucas’s old basketball friends will go anywhere near him even though in their eyes he betrayed them for Eddie because they all know Lucas started dating Billy’s little sister again and they’re not sure if they’re more afraid of Billy coming to Lucas’s defense or Max. Lucas still plays though just to spite them all because the town now considers him a hero to the team. But the players don’t do anything because every game you can see all of Lucas’s friends plus Steve and Billy sitting next to the Sinclairs while Erica simultaneously rips apart every one of Lucas’s moves while cheering him on louder than anyone else does.

Someone trips Dustin in the hallway and somehow they end up on their ass on the tiled floor watching a blond mullet walk away while Dustin giggles and runs after him.

They find out he’s a much better tutor than Nancy or Robin despite those two being the smartest in the group and now he’s solely responsible for ensuring Eddie’s graduation and pulling up Eleven’s failing math scores.

Billy whose created his own game of flipping off Jonathan anytime he sees him just for fun but who is the only person who is able to talk to Will about his love life in a way that has Will actually feeling hopeful about what his future could hold.

Billy who “hates” everyone, who doesn’t want to listen to Dustin and Robin’s long winded conversations, who makes fun of both the Wheeler’s like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do, who gives Eddie shit about his musical taste and hits on Chrissy like he’s planning to swipe her out from under Eddie’s nose despite all of them knowing Billy’s spent more nights at Steve’s house since he got back than Max’s. But a Billy who doesn’t go anywhere. He can only give them that much shit because he sits with them at lunch, studies with them after school, and supervises El’s trips out of the house.

Just Billy whose presence alone protects all of them but who also subtly goes out of his way to keep all of them happy and healthy. He complains while the girls braid his hair, and calls everyone nerds while still sitting down with the D&D character created for him to play a game he doesn’t understand.

They know he’s not all bark and no bite, his bites are ruthless and brutal, and never aimed at them. Scary Dog privileges for all 😌

[azureseraph]

first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line