batman-obsession-by-secret

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Happy not birthday!

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[after Bruce asks them to start making money]

Damian, carrying a painting: Where can I get this appraised?

Dick and Steph: *pull up in a sports car*

Dick: Quick, we gotta get the plates off.

Steph: Open the garage, let's go.

Jason: Hey guys, don't wait up. I'm working late tonight.

Jason: *puts on a ski mask*

Tim and Cass: *breaking open a safe*

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I saw this and immediately said "what every batkid said to Bruce" lol

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i need a himbo bruce au where he never became batman, his kids however, they are all vigilantes and try their best to keep it a secret from their father - how they become vigilantes? who knows, maybe they took up mentorships with other heroes or villains. still, their morals kept them on the 'good' side of the law as best as it could - but bruce while being incredibly intelligent and likely a doctor (because i imagine he would finish med school in this au) doesn't realize how odd it is that his kids disappear in the night and have a plethora of wounds he tends to almost daily.

oh well, to him they're just crazy kids and definitely not a modge-podge of ex-assassins and bird themed vigilantes.

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kon: ugh who died and left you in charge??

tim: there’s actually no way you just said that …

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Red Hood climbs up onto a roof with the intention of watching some drug smugglers below, only to find Robin, crouched in the perfect hiding space Jason had noticed. The boy is eating fries from a curled down Batburgers bag and sipping a Riddler Shake.

Jason: What are you doing here, Boy Wonder?

Tim: Probably the same thing you are. Spying on criminals.

Jason: ...

Tim: Want some fries? They're Jokerized, just to warn you.

Jason: Why?

Tim: Kon-El got some to try the last time he sneaked into Gotham and it turns out they're really good.

Jason: No, why would you offer me fries?

Tim: I have enough to share and I can always buy more?

Jason: Why are you being nice to me?

Tim: I'm offering fries, not a kidney. Why wouldn't I?

Jason: Because of the knife to the throat or, you know, that time I beat you within an inch of your life?

Tim: ...

Jason: ...

Tim: What the fuck was your time as Robin like?

Jason: The fuck?

Tim: A mentally unstable individual violently attacked me because he was scared or mad at Batman. That's like a bi-monthly occurrence for me, minimum. At least you we're really insane and want to get better now-

Jason: I never said I wanted to stop killing.

Tim: I said get better. You want to be in control of yourself instead of being all Lazarus crazy, right?

Jason: Yes. But that doesn't mean I won't kill.

Tim: That's still wanting to get better. You think half the rouges who rotate through Arkham are actually trying to get better by even that much?

Jason: No.

Tim: Me, either. So that makes you an improvement over the usual. Plus, you know, the trauma from being murdered and all.

Jason: That's not an excuse to attack a kid.

Tim: But it's an explanation, which, again, is better than the usual. And you're showing signs of genuine remorse. That's huge around here. How often do we get that?

Jason: Anyone ever tell you your standards are kinda fucked up?

Tim: They'd have to pay closer attention for that.

Jason: Fucking what?

Tim: Doesn't matter. It's not like you're going to talk to anyone and even if you did, who'd believe you?

Jason: ...

Tim: So, you want some fries?

Jason: Yeah, sure.

Jason: These are good.

Tim: Right?

Jason: Is this nori?

Tim: Uh-huh; with paprika, kosher salt, and msg. I think there might be something else in there, but I haven't been able to place it.

Jason: Potato starch.

Tim: Oh, that makes sense.

Jason: I am definitely Jokerizing my fries from now on.

Tim: Try them with the Riddler Shake, too. The mint really compliments them.

Jason: I'll do that.

Tim: Wait. Doesn't that guy work for Black Mask?

Jason: Yes, he does.

Tim: So...want to pull a World's Finest?

Jason: What?

Tim: You know, a team-up?

Jason: You-? Fucking- You know what? Sure. Let's pull a World's Finest. *under his breath* Little freak.

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More than half the League is betting at any time that they know when it's actually Batman under the mask, or someone else. Unfortunately, they were wrong when:

Dick was doing a phenomenal job of playing Bruce (didn't give himself even once with a smile), because he fell asleep

Batman stubbed his toe against a table and swore like a sailor which led to cash exchanging hands as several people figured it was Jason, but Bruce had recently switched out of Matches Malone to dress up as Bats and hadn't shaken the Mindset yet

Batman's suit sat weirdly empty at the table and Oliver, annoyed, tried to tell Damian that this was too serious a meeting for Bruce to delegate, but it was Batman, hit with a de-ageing spell and too stubborn to sit out

After sustaining pretty serious injuries, Batman was whiteknuckling the table, in an awful mood, and nobody thought anything of it. Barry offered to help Bruce up (if the pain was keeping him trapped (trying not to insult Batman too much), and Jason tightly replied that if he moved the suit was going to tear.

Clark and Bruce had a bet for how long they could replace Bruce with a mannequin without anyone noticing, and because Clark kept looking over at "Bruce" and giggling (pretty par for the course for them), nobody noticed for five hours.

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I love seeing the entire process of drawings <3

Crisis on Infinite Pillows

I ain't one to draw about DC no more, but I wanted to do a cute little thing about child imagination, which I'm quite fond of drawing always. The baby girl is a combination of Stephanie Brown and Barbara Gordon. On the bottom right, loosely lit there is a little mansion doll house, a child made bat signal, a toy robin, and a toy joker.

The little batgirl is in the "batcave" using two carboard boxes with drawings of computers on them. The batcave is a blanket with the image of a house taped on the top. Overlooking the scene is a clock tower, surrounding the the area are little star stickers that glow in the dark. There's a cat at the top left also looking curiously into the scene. And Batman and Robin are pla- fighting crime by the windows.

Since I happen to be a big fan of these kinds of drawings, more will be likely to follow. ❤️

To read more about my art go here! https://www.patreon.com/bardicious

#art #batman

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Tim/Kon being a peak ship except every few days they realize they’re acting too much like Bruce and Clark and have to ditch the relationship until they can look at each other again without flinching.

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Hal: "Have one of your enemies died or something, I've never seen you smile like that."

Bruce, putting his phone away: "No Alfred just sent me a dick pic."

Hal, frozen in place, seriously reconsidering his thoughts on rich people and their butlers: "That's... nice of him."

Bruce, cursing his kids for normalizing "Dick pics" in their house as a way to refer to photographs of his eldest: "It's not like that."

Hal, holding up his hands and avoiding eye contact: "I think I preferred it back when I overshared and you told me to keep things professional."

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I drew @an-entity-i-think 's post

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i need the batfam fandom to give damian the same energy we give tom hollands peter parker in fics like

i want Field Trip to Wayne Enterprises fics

fics where damian gets phone calls from his famous siblings in class

fics where damian has to deal with the other kids watching thirst traps of his older siblings

fics where he’s getting bullies and one of them shows up in full vigilante attire to scare the middle school bully

just

damian al ghul wayne fanfic that centers around his school life and protective family

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au where instead of wanting to murder his own replacement, jason just decides to. replace somebody else. and that's now dick ends up in an increasingly ridiculous back and forth fight between himself and some random fucker who keeps showing up in a nightwing costume pretending to be him

dick's never been more pissed off in his life. theres literally nothing he did to deserve this, and now he has to fight for the vigilante persona HE created? it only gets worse because the more frustrated dick gets about the whole situation, the funnier this fake nightwing seems to find it.

it gets personal when damian starts calling the fake nightwing his big brother too. of course, jason was there first, but dick doesn't know that. and it's driving him fucking insane

he thinks that he's got the guy when he stands on top of a building in the middle of a massive fight, tries to do a quadrupal somersault, and promptly eats shit in front of everybody, but instead of realising he's a faker now the rest of the underworld thinks that nightwing's losing his touch.

he cries in alfred's arms at the injustice of it all.

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Jason: *points gun at Bruce*

Bruce: I don't believe in guns.

Jason: Well, trust me, they're very real.

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picard is gay as fuck if lwaxana had her milf titties all up in my face like that…brother id bury myself in em

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jason in titans tower staring at bruce: how’d you know i was alive old man?

bruce: robin - tim - is an avid follower of your tumblr blog that has mysteriously updated after years of you being deceased

tim: mhm, at mrsbennetluvr88 started quoting hamlet and titus andronicus after years of radio silence, it was the only rational conclusion

jason: … at least you know your shakespeare…

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hate when a batman artist isn't committed to bruce's lame bat schtick... give that man a bat insignia on the bottom of his boots rn