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+ sae x f!reader | wc 5.3k
notes: iâm in love with this man, and wrote this on a whim :â) hope yâall like it !! feedback & reblogs are greatly appreciated !! <3
summary: youâve known sae since you were both sixteen. heâs always dreamed of going overseas and facing the world, will he ever be ready to come home?
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sae can read almost everyone flawlessly, you included.
heâs not close to you, not at all. physically? yes, because youâre his seat partner. but in all other aspects? no, definitely not.
youâre scared of him, he can tell. whenever he moves, you get self-conscious, immediately pulling your own chair in, giving him way. then you check on him as he moves away, because youâre scared that somehow youâve managed to offend him.
you never did. because to offend sae, youâd need to be someone who can even bother him in the first place.
sae doesnât care about what you do though, he just happens to notice you. out of convenience, because he sees you every monday to friday and sits next to you for every class.
itâs the same routine thing every weekâyou sit next to each other, barely say a word all day and then before he knows it, itâs the end of school day.
it doesnât even matter. you donât matter.
nobody really does.
he peeks at you out of the corner of his eyes, your eyes peering down at your paper with the utmost concentration. he quickly looks away though, because the last thing he wants is to get caught and be labeled as a cheater on a history quiz. especially when heâs not cheating.
yeah, you really donât matter.
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soccer, soccer, soccer.
thatâs all sae can think of nowadays. just do whatever he can to improve his skills, everything else is up for debate.
youâre still his seatmate, still ever so distant. he gives you credit though, for greeting him every morning now even though you look terrified and nervous all the time.
âgood morning.â
today is no exception. saeâs eyes flick up to you and then back down to his desk, and thatâs all of the acknowledgement you get, as usual. itâs nothing personal, he just doesnât want to get into small talk at all.
but heâll give you points for trying, even if he doesnât exactly know whatâs going through your head right now. somehow, he canât read you as well anymore.
thatâs how you usually are now, the newer version of you. a little more upbeat, a little friendlier, less awkward but still as shy as he first pegged you to be.
well, now youâre just slightly more amusing. somehow, sae starts to find himself wondering how youâd react to different situations.
itâs almost the middle of the school year and youâd kept up with your usual greetings everyday. sae keeps up with his usual stoic demeanour on his part.
until today.
âgood morning!â youâre extra chirpy today, he notices.
sae blinks at you once, twice, and youâre still smiling at him, and heâd like to know whether youâre still that same nervous mess inside, so he opens his mouth this time.
âmorning, y/n.â
simple, easy, basic courtesy.
but somehow youâre looking at him as though heâs a fucking freak.
to be fair, thatâs exactly what he expected. but itâs now been a whole minute and youâre still staring dumbly at him.
âwhat?â
you shake your head, laughing sheepishly as you take your seat beside him, ânothing, itâs just⊠you never bothered talking to me before.â
sae shrugs, because itâs not like he bothers now, per se. heâs justâwhatâs the wordâbored? âi can shut up too if you prefer that.â
âno!â
you look so embarrassed by your quick outburst that sae almost snickers. thatâs the most reaction youâve nearly managed to get out of him yet.
âi mean,â you stutter, looking for the right words to say, and maybe sae is getting a little bit of an ego boost right now because he can tell youâre flustered. âyouâre pretty terrifying most of the time soâŠâ
he knows what you mean, but he acts like he doesnât. âoh, so you like terrifying? okay, i can do that.â
the way your face instantly switches to a straight expression is fucking amusing, and for a split second his guard falls and you get to hear him snicker.
luckily, the bell rings right after and mr hayato is never late. sae never got to hear what you thought of that.
every single day after that passes by a little bit easier, your non-friendship inching a little closer together, sae might even consider you an acquaintance now.
he converses with you a lot more fluidly (as much as he allows himself toâhe doesnât like you being too comfortable, likes to keep you on your toes), and he finds himself teaching you things he notices youâre absolutely horrible at.
like logarithms, because no matter how much you try to wrap your head around it, you refuse to ask anyone for help. youâre a little stubborn, but sae can live with that, just has to speak to you in a way that doesnât seem like you look like you need help.
âno, youâre forgetting that the log of e is always one, there, see?â sae sighs as he explains, because youâre quite muddle-headed. âitâll be much easier once you get all the definitions in your head.â
âwere you born a genius or something?â you ask innocently upon catching his test scores. a 94 out of 100, compared to your 63.
that day, neither of you notice the fact that other people are beginning to notice your growing friendship.
sae starts tutoring you whenever he can, because apparently youâre hopeless without his help. (he says this to your face. heâs always straight with you.) and then he finds himself noticing you in ways he never did before.
how you look absolutely angelic when the sun hits your face. he notices the way you puff out your cheeks when youâre thinking hard. even the perfume that wafts through the air. you smell good.
this is ridiculous.
âhun, do you want anyââ
fuck. saeâs head whips around to see an older woman at your door, almost a carbon copy of you, eyes wide as her gaze falls onto him.
no, heâs not particularly nervous or feels like he should be, but something tells you if your mother is anything like you, sheâd misunderstand. this is just a lot more trouble than itâs worth. youâre a lot more trouble than itâs worth. whatâs he even getting out of tutoring you?
âoh hi there! and who might you be?â
he can see stars in her eyes, all hopeful and excited as she shifts her gaze between you and sae and back to you again.
âmom! heâs no oneââ ouch, heâs tutoring you and you introduce him as no one? âa friend and heâs tutoring me for some math stuff so could youâŠ?â
itâs like the gears are turning in your motherâs head when she eyes sae knowingly. god, he has to do some damage control. donât want either of you expecting anything much out of him.
âiâm itoshi sae,â he introduces himself, shaking her hand. âi just make time to tutor some of my classmates to earn extra credit.â
not even close to true, but neither of you need to know that. heâd much rather spend his free time getting in some training or going to the gym but he decided maybe he could spend a few hours out of today to help your dumbass with numbers.
heâs an expert at sidestepping small talk and in no time at all, your motherâs out of the room. you still seem embarrassed, he can feel the heat emanating from your cheeks.
âconcentrate,â sae sighs, and he wonders why heâs even doing this for you. heâd rather go home right now, he thinks, maybe kick the ball around with rin, or just lie down in bed because waking up at 4am to train every morning is taking its toll.
you mumble a hushed apology and rub the sleepiness from your eyes. the both of you had been at this for a couple of hours now, maybe looking at numbers too much is making you tired too.
sae acknowledges youâre a fast learner though, if you have a proper teacher. heâs not surprised that ms kinaâs teachings are lost on youâsheâs not that good at explaining concepts. sae is, though. he usually doesnât bother sharing but hey, maybe now is just a glitch in the matrix, maybe now heâs just trying to do good samaritan things and help you out so you donât fail the damn midterm test.
âokay then, see you,â he says, picking up his bag and slinging it around his shoulders, only to have you grab his wrist. âwhat?â
you look a little bashful once you realise what you did, and then you let go of him immediately. you look like you really want to say something, but you donât, you just shake your head.
donât do it, donât do it, donât do it.
saeâs putting his bag back down before he knows it, and he groans internally. âsay it.â
âif-if you donât mind, maybe we could schedule a tutoring session every week?â youâre so, so timid and so, so soft.
he blinks once, twice, realising what you actually mean to say. you donât want the tutoring session, apart from logarithms youâre fine with pure numbers, but you want time. with him.
it boosts his ego a little, if heâs being honest.
âiâm too busy with my soccer trainings,â he tells you, nonchalant until he sees how quick your expression falls and then he has to hate himself for continuing, âi have some time on friday evenings though.â
like a puppy, youâre instantly chirpy again, saying how maybe he could tutor you after heâs done with whatever stuff, and how youâd get a head start and grab some seats at a cafe or something.
youâre both seventeen when your weekly tutoring sessions start. itâs beyond himself why he agreed. all he knows is that he doesnât particularly like being the reason your expression goes sad.
first week in, youâre still too nervous, too jumpy.
the second week, youâre a little too full of nonsense, daring to laugh at him, or with him, depending.
by the fifth week, your bare arm is already brushing his and youâre not even flinching.
youâre both seventeen when sae realises that maybe he cares for you. in the way lovers do. in the way he gets you to walk on the safer side of the sidewalk. in the way he sends you home every friday. in the way he actually responds to your goodnight texts and wakes up waiting for your good morning.
in the way he listens when you tell him that your mother is actually sick, that you want to take care of her. that your dream is simpleâto find your passion one day, and to be able to earn enough to let your mother live peacefully, to help her fight whatever she has to because you donât want her to be alone.
in the way, for the first time in his life, he reaches out to you, putting his hand on top of yours as he lets you cry on his shoulder.
your birthday falls on a friday this year, and he tells you not to bring your books that day in class. you look at him with pure shock, but then quickly adjust yourself and bring up a grateful smile.
âyes, sir.â
that night he meets you up on the rooftop of your complex, in the middle of the carpark, and youâve never looked any happier than you did when you saw him holding that petite round galaxy cake in his hands, the sparkler candles so pretty in the night.
âhappy birthday.â
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the next school year starts and sae enters into it still close to you as ever. you havenât met in just over a month, what with saeâs intense training camps and your family holiday. but the both of you still talk to each other daily, and he finds himself waiting for your response every night.
itâs like the both of you are in a relationship, but neither of you are saying anything about it. whatever this relationship-non-relationship is, sae thinks he likes it.
but itâs barely three months into the school year and sae has to break your heart.
âitâs the opportunity of a lifetime, iâm sure you understand right?â his coach rambles on, disgusting with how heâs talking with his mouth full and chips keep falling out of it.
sae nods, because he does. heâs almost sure heâll go for it. itâs not everyday kids from japan get offered a spot to play for a european club.
âgreat! so letâs get your parents involved and get you to spain.â
âyeah, sure.â
itâs frustrating how heâs not more excited. itâs there, but itâs faint, because itâs lingering on the traces of his feelings for you. heâs never really thought this far, and maybe that was his fault. heâll keep that in mind; he canât risk this situation again. he canât risk getting your hopes up and being the reason that theyâll never recover.
minimise damage, yeah, thatâs what he has to do.
you go from talking endlessly in class to being quiet because sae is trying to concentrate. you go from meeting every friday outside of school to every other friday, to once every month, to none at all. you go from texting a good morning and a goodnight every day to barely getting responses from sae, barely ever even get your messages read.
then one day sae just doesnât show up to school at all. and you finally hear that heâs been scouted for a club in spain, that heâs going to be away for god knows how long. and then you realise that maybe thatâs why heâs been distant lately, because you refuse to believe that the sae who took so much time out of his busy schedule for you, the sae who made the effort to buy you a birthday cake and spend all night on the carpark just listening to you talk on and on about insignificant things because you were nervous, the sae who you fell in love withâyou refuse to believe it wasnât real.
thatâs why you hold your hopes up and ride your bicycle to his house, which youâve been to once before, just outside though, because youâd asked him where he lived and he finally obliged. itâs still beautiful as ever, neat garden lined with flowers and a soccer field in the back.
when you knock on the gate, you see a familiar face come out; itâs itoshi rin, his younger brother. you only know that because saeâs spoken about him a few times, and you saw a picture of the both of them together on his phone.
âoh, um, hi, who are you?â rin asks, cautiously, because evidently, heâs never seen you.
âuh, iâm one of saeâs⊠classmates,â you decide, and it stings that you realise you canât even say that anymore. how did it all spiral from cloud nine? âis he home?â
rin blinks a few times. his lower lashes are slightly longer than saeâs, heâs carrying a soccer ball, and you just know heâs been training all day because heâs sweating from head to toe. sae has said rin wanted to be a striker just like him.
âoh, didnât you hear? my big bro got scouted, he left for spain last night.â
it shouldnât be this upsettingâhe isnât even your boyfriend. no matter how much you wanted him to be. he was just⊠someone you studied with, spent time with, made efforts for.
but something forms in the pit of your stomach when you hear that saeâs already gone, that heâs already halfway to spain without even saying goodbye, without giving you any warning.
youâd thought whatever friendship you had with him was worth more than a silent goodbye, than a one-sided decision.
âo-oh, okay, thanks!â
you bolt off before rin can say anything else, itâs better that no one can see you crying anyway.
that night once youâve sort of calmed down, you open up saeâs message thread, which as of late is mostly a string of messages from you and sae only replying with oh or i see or iâm busy.
the last time he even bothered replying to you was last week when you asked if he wanted to watch a movie together and he said a simple no.
âyouâre an ass, itoshi sae,â you cry to yourself as you bring up the keyboard on your phone, your tears falling onto the screen.
i hate you, itoshi sae.
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soccer is the same; thrilling, tiring, demanding.
itâs been a year since he left japan and heâs still surviving, still thriving, still being revered as a genius midfielder. sae knows he has what it takes to bring victory to a good enough team, thatâs what he came here for anywayâto be the best in the world.
âgood job out there, sae,â the captain claps him on the back, but saeâs mind isnât there.
itâs been a year since he left japan and he still pulls up the last message you ever sent him.
i hate you, itoshi sae.
perhaps itâs good that you do. thereâs no place for your dreams in spain, or anywhere else in the world except for japan. you need to move on from him. maybe you already did, from what he hears from his classmates who still check in on him from time to time.
the first time sae hears about how some other guy asked you out, he canât say he doesnât care. but heâs relinquished his right to be jealous, so he barely responds to the news.
but maybe heâs beginning to see where he fucked up, because he shouldnât have gotten close to you in the first place, shouldâve just left you alone.
instead now heâs left with this sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. is this how it feels like to really miss someone?
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youâre now in college and youâre past whatever happened in high school. itoshi sae still lingers in the crevices of your mind, with his teal eyes and his pretty lashes and the way his hand felt when they were on top of yours.
some part of you thinks youâd never get over him, but you have to make peace with that. just because he never bothered to give you closure doesnât mean he should be allowed to ruin your life.
besides, youâre pretty sure he read what you last sent him. thereâs really nothing else for you to do if he doesnât even bother talking to you.
youâd been trying to properly move on anyway, and thatâs exactly what you try to do later that night, after accepting ryusei shidoâs invitation to dinner.
heâs like the opposite of sae, though. heâs all expressive and goofy and wild because heâs got you trespassing on private property just to borrow their garden and he likes to drive fast, really fast, because he loves the wind in his hair.
if you had met him first, youâd probably be in love with the rush he gives you, the adrenaline pumping through your veins. when he kissed you, if only you didnât have itoshi sae in your head, then maybe youâd have kissed him back.
when youâre twenty, you find out that maybe you canât move on without giving itoshi sae a piece of your mind.
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saeâs career has been rapidly progressing, heâs part of the starting team and is hailed as one of the worldâs up-and-coming top soccer stars.
the earlier game cemented it.
his team won, with the commentators naming him as the most valuable player, assisting in all the goals scored by his team.
when heâs pulled aside for an interview, he canât help but wonder whether youâd be watching through the television, hanging on his every word. or maybe youâd already moved on with this shido guy he hears about.
fuck that shido guy.
and when an interviewer asks whether thereâs anyone special in his life that motivates him, he finds himself wishing he could say your name.
ânothing of that sort.â
interviews pass by quickly, as they always do for him because heâs not much of an interview guy, with his stoic expressions and lacklustre responses. heâs on the way back to the locker room when he hears a familiar voice calling out to him.
âsae!â
he spins around to find his mother and father there, surprising him. they mustâve heard he was playing and booked a flight out. rinâs not here though.
ârinâs busy with some soccer matches of his own back at home,â his father explains, as if he read his mind. âhe couldnât make it, but heâs surely watching the match from home.â
how silly of sae to have wished that it was you calling out to him, for that split second. youâre still in his head, and thatâs annoying.
âoh! sweetheart,â his mother coos after sheâs done gushing over his game, âwe ran into one of your friends earlier! whatâs her nameâah wait there she is!â
sae furrows his brows, following his motherâs gaze and finds you there, hugging the walls, sheepishly waving your hand at him. heâs starting to doubt his vision, maybe youâre just his imagination, maybe his motherâs looking at someone else.
âhey, sae,â you greet him, mellow and polite.
heâs still standing there like heâs the one whoâs starstruck, like youâre the famous one. are you really here?
âwhat are you doing here?â
not the best greeting, but thatâs the most he can muster when he hasnât seen or heard from you in over three years.
you smile, and he thinks he might melt, but he doesnât because heâs just toldâlied toâthe world that thereâs no one special to him.
âwhatâs wrong with supporting one of my friends?â you say, as though this is a neighbourhood soccer match and you didnât have to fly halfway across the world for it.
âitoshi! get in here!â by the sound of his voice, itâs the captain talking. sae doesnât even want to take his eyes off of you, but he has to.
âgo,â you tell him, âiâm staying near the airport, if, uh, you wanted to do anything afterwards.â
does he?
sae swallows the lump in his throat and nods. âyeah, okay.â
that night, he figures out which hotel youâre staying at and pays you a visitâit annoys him how fast his heart is beating and how your sudden presence threatens to mess up his life.
he knocks on your door, and you open it, beaming at him when you see him. âi thought we were meeting at the restaurant,â you say as you let him in, closing the door behind him.
âi was just passing by, sent my parents to the airport and thought i would just drop by,â he answers, lying through his teeth. his parents are still somewhere in spain and he just wanted to see you sooner, thatâs all.
âwell, iâm still getting ready,â you tell him, straightening your dress and looking at yourself in the mirror.
how is it possible you keep getting prettier everyday? your hairâs a little longer now, and you look more mature, youâve learned to do makeup, and your dress hugs your body in just the right places. heâs cursing himself for staring at you.
âi thought youâd be too busy to come out with me tonight, honestly,â you confess, putting on some lipstick.
sae has to look away, âand i thought you hated me.â
that has you stopping in your tracks; this conversation happened earlier than you expected, but youâd been gunning for this all the same.
âyeah, well you left japan without saying a word to me, like i was just anyone else.â
he understands why youâd think that. that was what he was going for anyway, and it reminds him what he should be doing instead of entertaining you right now. sae should be rejecting you, you and your efforts, should turn away from you like youâre another one of his fangirls.
âwhy?â
but the shakiness in your voice takes him off guard.
âwhy what?â
âwhy didnât you say anything?â
âi didnât have to,â sae responds, simply, like he doesnât owe you a damn thing.
âwas i imagining it?â you ask, finally turning around and looking him in his eyes.
no, no you werenât.
âi donât know what youâre talking about.â
âthen why are you here, sae?â you burst out, and he stills in his position, feet glued to the floor. âyou wouldnât give a second thought to people you donât care about, so what now?â
âi was just taking an old friend out to dinner, thatâs all.â
heâs stubborn, so so stubborn. heâs hoping heâll hold out.
âi donât get you,â you mutter softly, to yourself or to him, he doesnât even fucking know.
sae really shouldnât, but he thinks about how he might never see you again and tries, âwhat do you want?â
âwhat are you talking about?â
âdo you know what you want?â sae turns it around on you. âyou flew halfway across the world to get here, for what? for me?â
heâs intimidating when he speaks a little louder than usual, and you shrink back just slightly.
âi-i wanted to talk to you,â you try your hardest to form an excuse but itâs not working.
âand what did you want out of that?â
you fall flat, and you feel like giving up. you know the answer, but you donât want to admit it. you donât want to tell him that you wanted him to want you too, you donât want to admit that youâve been thinking about him nearly all the time and what couldâve been.
âjust forget it,â you relent, averting your gaze, but the next moment you feel an unfamiliar sensation on your lips, the taste of his on yours.
sae doesnât know why heâs doing it, but his body moves on its own; something he got from playing that manages to bleed into his daily life, apparently.
you taste so much better than he expected, and you feel like you belong in his arms, like youâre made for him because thereâs absolutely no one else in the whole fucking world who could ever bring itoshi sae to his knees.
heâs been in denial all this time, yes, and heâs tired of it. if you came all the way here, heâs not wasting it. he pulls away from you, absolutely dazed by the wanting look in your eyes.
youâre twenty one years old when you first hear itoshi sae telling you he loves you.
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âsomeoneâs chirpy,â your mother says from the couch, looking up from her ipad. âi sense⊠a date with sae.â
you roll your eyes, throwing one of the cushions at her. âmom, shut up,â you groan, still embarrassed whenever she calls you out for it.
saeâs still in spain most of the time, but the both of you make it work. you make a point to video call at least twice a week, and he responds to you like a normal boyfriend does. itâs back to that good morning, goodnight love you shared back in high school. he makes as much time as he can, and you appreciate him for it.
âiâm glad youâre happy, sweetie,â she tells you, and you smile gratefully.
youâre more than relieved now that sheâs managed to fight the cancer off. itâs the only reason she pushed you to go see sae last year. you technically wouldnât have done it without her.
a knock on your door signals that heâs here, and your mom gives you a knowing look before she excuses herself to her room.
when you open the front door, you feel a burst of excitement when you see sae there holding a bouquet of flowers.
âhappy birthday, pretty.â
even when heâs busy, even when heâs swamped, heâll never stop making you feel like youâre on top of the world.
both of you are twenty-two when sae decides that youâre his world.
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this is the year you find out long distance is actually really really hard.
sometimes sae loses the match, and sometimes he canât separate friend from foe from you. he gets frustrated, and so you do too. he has less than kind words when heâs venting, and you happen to be on the receiving end.
sometimes you get stressed from your finals projects, and you push him away, and sae leaves you to it. sae doesnât check up on you as much as youâd like to, and youâre a little too stubborn to tell him that you mind.
sometimes sae would get interviewed and would have to address dating rumours, whether itâs the upcoming supermodel from america or that renowned sexy sports photographer from brazilâitâs hard not to get jealous, especially when youâre kept private.
you canât blame him for that, not when everyone likes to send hate to the pretty girl heâs supposedly dating.
this is also where you find out that itoshi sae knows you better than anyone. itâs where he always leaves you a reminder he loves you, even when youâre fighting. itâs where he sends you a goodnight text even when youâve hung up the phone hours ago in anger. itâs where he keeps japan in his weather app just so he can tell you not to be a klutz and fall down when itâs raining. itâs where he declares on international television that no, heâs not available but thatâs none of their business.
even if you yearn for him to be next to you at times, saeâs off doing what heâs always wanted to do, and youâre not going to let yourself be a burdenâso you do what you want to do, because the last thing you want the headlines to blast is the fact that itoshi saeâs girlfriend is a good-for-nothing.
twenty-three is the age where you start writing articles for a local magazine company, where you take lead on fashion articles while occasionally helping with the sports section.
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both of your careers are in full flight.
so is your relationship.
saeâs always proud of you, of your achievements, of your efforts even if they didnât bear fruit. youâre doing so well, making yourself a name in Japan with your articles, with your wonderful insights and funny wit.
he always reads your articles, tells his assistant to get a subscription on the magazine and send it to saeâs hotel, always reads the articles you write. he doesnât tell you about that though. doesnât want you getting a big head.
and every time you talk on the phone about your articles and how hard it was to write or how youâre afraid people will take it the wrong way, he acts like he doesnât even know which article youâre talking about. (he absolutely does.)
âhey, whenâs my contract ending again?â
saeâs assistant looks up from his ipad from his seat across him on the private jet. he blinks twice before rifling through his different folders.
âoh, next year.â
a ghost of a smile appears on saeâs face and his assistant thinks heâs hallucinating.
âgood.â
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sae is twenty-five years old when he finally decides heâs ready to come home.
it makes the headlinesâhow he quit the club and refused to play for them anymore, the reason being that he wants to go back to his roots.
back to you.
because now, at your front door, after he knocks once, twice, and you open it, surprised, saeâs never been more sure that heâs making the right decision.
after all, youâre the only one in the world capable of bringing itoshi sae to his knee.
âwill you marry me?â
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