beyondthetemples

[beyondthetemples]

#{{ I don't usually reblog food stuff to this blog but my Dove muse got really happy at the thought of all these fruit.

[beyondthetemples]

Dove nodded and did so... and was then thoroughly surprised by how completely the lenses blocked out her vision.

"I think, maybe, my glasses are broken..." She looked around-- left where he was, right where she should see the bay, down at where the city should be. There was nothing but black, and for someone who had acute vision even in the deep of night, that was a whole new experience. "I can't see anything."

Dove held his hand back, and her eyes flitted to where they met, which provided a convenient excuse to look down, because Azar, she was blushing.

She found herself smiling beneath it, though. It was hard for doubt to survive when faced with so much hope and sincerity. Fear was fighting, and losing ground. And Dove was happy to try letting it give way, especially with him by her side. There was just so much promise in his words, his mind, this moment. It made her want to believe it, too.

"Okay," she said, her voice a little shyer than she expected. "Okay. I think I can do that."

#{{ Sorry for the delay! This entire week has been insanely busy. #cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

Dove held his hand back, and her eyes flitted to where they met, which provided a convenient excuse to look down, because Azar, she was blushing.

She found herself smiling beneath it, though. It was hard for doubt to survive when faced with so much hope and sincerity. Fear was fighting, and losing ground. And Dove was happy to try letting it give way, especially with him by her side. There was just so much promise in his words, his mind, this moment. It made her want to believe it, too.

"Okay," she said, her voice a little shyer than she expected. "Okay. I think I can do that."

She watched him as he spoke, and for a little while after, her eyes searching him, mulling it over, and letting her senses help it sink in... He wasn't lying to make her feel better. He really believed it. He really meant it.

Then she looked out at the city again-- out at the world. So much had changed since that day. She wasn't helpless anymore, she wasn't alone anymore, and now that she thought about it, on that day there had been no peace. The whole world had been on fire-- two whole worlds, too close together. And her prescient alarm had been overwhelming her with dread, and fear, and...

...and here, today, she realized he was right. There was none of that. Just a world awash in light, people on the ground living their lives and celebrating. Just her and Caleb sitting here together on the roof, her mind awash in his hope.

"It really is different, isn't it...?"

#cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

She watched him as he spoke, and for a little while after, her eyes searching him, mulling it over, and letting her senses help it sink in... He wasn't lying to make her feel better. He really believed it. He really meant it.

Then she looked out at the city again-- out at the world. So much had changed since that day. She wasn't helpless anymore, she wasn't alone anymore, and now that she thought about it, on that day there had been no peace. The whole world had been on fire-- two whole worlds, too close together. And her prescient alarm had been overwhelming her with dread, and fear, and...

...and here, today, she realized he was right. There was none of that. Just a world awash in light, people on the ground living their lives and celebrating. Just her and Caleb sitting here together on the roof, her mind awash in his hope.

"It really is different, isn't it...?"

Dove's lips grew tight like they wanted to grimace, and she nodded. But for a moment, she couldn't look up. Those memories were heavy things, still steeped in the horror of feeling a thousand deaths at once, the lostness of knowing she would never be able to go home, the terror of knowing her father was so close... and at the time, she hadn't known what to do about ANY of it.

"I was so scared," she murmured. But as ever, his mind was a beacon amidst her dark thoughts, and rather than let them swallow her, she raised her eyes to him and at least tried to smile.

"Sorry, it's... It's probably silly to still worry about that. I had my grandmother's ring, and my mother's spells, and if I could survive it then, I could... probably survive now. Right? At least, I still have the ring." (It was her weak attempt at a joke.) "But... When has the sky going dark ever been a good thing?"

#cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

Dove's lips grew tight like they wanted to grimace, and she nodded. But for a moment, she couldn't look up. Those memories were heavy things, still steeped in the horror of feeling a thousand deaths at once, the lostness of knowing she would never be able to go home, the terror of knowing her father was so close... and at the time, she hadn't known what to do about ANY of it.

"I was so scared," she murmured. But as ever, his mind was a beacon amidst her dark thoughts, and rather than let them swallow her, she raised her eyes to him and at least tried to smile.

"Sorry, it's... It's probably silly to still worry about that. I had my grandmother's ring, and my mother's spells, and if I could survive it then, I could... probably survive now. Right? At least, I still have the ring." (It was her weak attempt at a joke.) "But... When has the sky going dark ever been a good thing?"

"I don't know. Maybe, I..." Again her voice trailed off. She was acutely aware that she had his full attention; her receptive telepathy wouldn't let her deny it, or that his concern was genuine. And for some reason, she didn't find it embarrassing. Maybe, somehow, it was even reassuring.

It was that sense of calming that led her to sit down at his side. (Well, she sat a bit farther back. She wasn't brave enough to sit at the edge-- sure, if she fell she could levitate in theory, but in practice it was unreliable at best.)

"It's... strange. Everyone is so excited about today. About..." She gestured to the sky in general. "...that. But... I'm not sure I like the idea of..." She paused there, mentally trying to slot the words into place. And when she finished, her voice low as if speaking it was a bad omen, she dipped her head to watch her hands fidget with the glasses in her lap.

"...of the whole world going dark."

#cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

"I don't know. Maybe, I..." Again her voice trailed off. She was acutely aware that she had his full attention; her receptive telepathy wouldn't let her deny it, or that his concern was genuine. And for some reason, she didn't find it embarrassing. Maybe, somehow, it was even reassuring.

It was that sense of calming that led her to sit down at his side. (Well, she sat a bit farther back. She wasn't brave enough to sit at the edge-- sure, if she fell she could levitate in theory, but in practice it was unreliable at best.)

"It's... strange. Everyone is so excited about today. About..." She gestured to the sky in general. "...that. But... I'm not sure I like the idea of..." She paused there, mentally trying to slot the words into place. And when she finished, her voice low as if speaking it was a bad omen, she dipped her head to watch her hands fidget with the glasses in her lap.

"...of the whole world going dark."

Her eyes came into focus when he arrived, and she turned to him as he approached.

"Caleb! Oh-- Uhhm. Thank you." She took the glasses, though rather than trying them out, she blinked at them, and held them where they were. "I wasn't sure if I would watch it... or..."

As if distracted, she turned her head to the city across the bay-- notably, not towards the sky. Her gaze was going distant again. And she never finished her sentence.

#cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

Her eyes came into focus when he arrived, and she turned to him as he approached.

"Caleb! Oh-- Uhhm. Thank you." She took the glasses, though rather than trying them out, she blinked at them, and held them where they were. "I wasn't sure if I would watch it... or..."

As if distracted, she turned her head to the city across the bay-- notably, not towards the sky. Her gaze was going distant again. And she never finished her sentence.

Caleb was at his base looking at the time , waiting for the eclipse to start . he had a thought and grabbed two pairs of glasses for viewing and teleports to the the tower . he tries her room first but no luck , he can sense her nearby though .

he teleports to the top of the tower finding her up on the roof . he approaches her , not worried about scaring her as he knew her senses would have already told her his was there . " don't forget these " he says handing her a pair of the glasses .

@beyondthetemples

#{{ Yeah a post works just fine! Probably better actually because we can keep reblogging from the original and not have the initial ask there #cyberninja #{{ Sorry it's so short but it kind of felt like it told enough with the words I have there.

[beyondthetemples]

{{ Note to self while I'm getting ready to view the solar eclipse (half hour to go!):

I have to figure out how Dove would respond to seeing one herself.

I don't think it would be as bad as a thunderstorm/fireworks, but still, it would make her Nervous.

Because I don't think she would've seen one in Azarath. Certainly not the way it would happen on Earth where it darkened the whole world. (I headcanon Azarath to have two suns and three moons, the latter being based on a comic panel showing their sky. Based on the way it's narrated, I also headcanon their skies had never darkened before they did on the day of Raven's birth.)

But more interestingly: There was a total solar eclipse right before The End of the World on EARTH!

This is CANON. It's very subtle and mostly shown visually, but it was in the old Cartoon Network (dot) com's description for the episode ("the sun is in eclipse"), and you can see it happen in End pt. I.

The shadow comes over the sun...

...and the whole world goes dark for a minute.

Right before Raven goes all glowy and they figure out "today's the day".

Dove was hiding on Earth when that happens. (Probably just beginning to move through the forest, because it's so shortly after Azarath was destroyed, and thus shortly after she fled that destruction.)

Granted, there's a few hours between the eclipse and when Trigon actually arrives (given the day was bright enough to Get Dark during the eclipse and it's nighttime when the Titans are fighting off Slade and the fire-demons), but it would be something Dove had Seen, and probably Sensed, her precognitive sense would've been blaring all sorts of alarm bells, and maybe it was even part of the prophecy as they tell it on Azarath?

(I doubt the prophecy was only those four lines chanted by the spirits/statues. Given the way Azar talks about the prophecy in the comics...)

Well, for now I have to get ready to see it for myself! (If nothing else, living in Ohio is perfect for being in the path of totality today!)

But I definitely want to come back to this at some point. I think it would be one of those things she'd be Very Nervous about, but if someone showed her Its Wonder and It's Okay Now, she'd come to admire it.

#dovemun headcanons list

[beyondthetemples]

Dove swallowed.

"I know what you mean. When I was-- When I-- When people died because I couldn't stop it... I wasn't in my right mind, either. Because I was afraid, and I--" Her breath caught; she could feel it wavering in her throat, and exhaled slowly, steadying herself against his all-consuming emotions and her worst memories and the desperate pain she felt to see him like this. It wouldn't do him any good if she broke down, too.

"I was making mistakes. Serious mistakes. Things I knew I shouldn't be doing, things I should have done and didn't. I was... "

Stupid, afraid, intimidated, weak, pathetic--

She blinked, startled at how easy it was to feel those thoughts creeping back to haunt her. But then she took in a deep breath, and exhaled again, slowly, and dropped her gaze to stare, unseeing, at where their hands clasped. "I thought I could handle it alone. I-I thought I HAD to handle it alone."

She squeezed his hand, and stood to retrieve a tissue to offer him.

"Someone once told me... you can't define yourself by your mistakes." She sat back down, watching him with a smile strained by sadness. "And someone else once told me you can't stay stuck in the past, or you miss out on the present."

That someone else was sitting right in front of her.

She nodded. Azar, oh AZAR, she understood why it would shake him up.

“It should’ve been me”-- Dove hissed an inhale quietly; she knew that thought, and she knew how it could consume you. Survivor’s guilt, Robin called it. It was something she still wrestled with, late at night.

“Nightmares are terrible. They come, and they shake up your whole world, and there’s nothing you can do to stop them… Even when you think you’re… OVER the worst memories, you think you moved on… Right until it comes back, and it’s like the fear and pain never left.”

She shook her head to herself. She swallowed down the unease. And then she set her eyes on him, her head tilted and voice low, gentle.

“What came back tonight?”

#cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

It was a wise move on his part; she could feel the precautionary block go up in his mind like a sudden barricade against her senses. She wasn't about to try breaking past it. But she also couldn't simply let something like that go!

"How?" He was right: It made her angry, and Dove didn't like it. But she wasn't used to handling anger, and didn't know what to do with it other than try to tuck it away. But…

"How can I not be angry? They hurt you. And… You're my friend, Caleb."

She glanced away, brow furrowed, and her mouth works mutely, forming attempts as she sought the words… before she settled, stilled, and looked to him, gaze steady, and though it was pained and small, she tried to smile.

"That's it. You're my friend. And friends share their burdens. Don't they?"

“Azar–”

Dove hadn’t meant to gasp it, but between the horror story Caleb told and sensing his reaction, she was overwhelmed.

There was a ferocious churning in his mind, a Charybdis of powerful emotion and emotional power that set her head spinning. It only exacerbated what she felt in herself. Her jaw set, her back tensed, her breath felt shallow. Not only was she horrified, but it made her unfamiliarly… angry.

On top of everything else: there was a stirring deep in the shadows of her mind, called to by the anger and the smallest, briefest leak of power from him, and it was dark and tempting and–

Dove took a sudden sharp breath and closed her eyes; she needed a moment to wrestle the simmering anger down, and assure herself the demon wouldn’t rise.

Her voice still came louder, harsher. “Did they really do all that? Raven told me how some people use t– torture, but I didn’t– I’ve never…”

Words failed her, and she scoffed.

#cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

i feel like i’m cursed forever but other than that i’m doing alright

#{{ If Dove had a blog she probably wouldn't put this on it but I'm the one running this blog and it ABSOLUTELY suits her. #...I don't think I have a tag that's just ''Dovecore things'' though...

[beyondthetemples]

"Azar--"

Dove hadn't meant to gasp it, but between the horror story Caleb told and sensing his reaction, she was overwhelmed.

There was a ferocious churning in his mind, a Charybdis of powerful emotion and emotional power that set her head spinning. It only exacerbated what she felt in herself. Her jaw set, her back tensed, her breath felt shallow. Not only was she horrified, but it made her unfamiliarly... angry.

On top of everything else: there was a stirring deep in the shadows of her mind, called to by the anger and the smallest, briefest leak of power from him, and it was dark and tempting and--

Dove took a sudden sharp breath and closed her eyes; she needed a moment to wrestle the simmering anger down, and assure herself the demon wouldn't rise.

Her voice still came louder, harsher. "Did they really do all that? Raven told me how some people use t-- torture, but I didn't-- I've never..."

Words failed her, and she scoffed.

Dove shuddered involuntarily. War was hard for her; as a pacifist, as someone perpetually horrified by the Earthen cycle of violence and bloodshed, as someone who had only ever seen death in the lowest moments of her life, there was no glory in her idea of war.

And for reasons just like the story he was telling. Too many people get hurt. Innocents. Civilians. People who don’t deserve it, all because some leader is greedy, or power-hungry, or upset. Even good people like Caleb.

She nodded, her lips set tight. She could feel his mind taking hold of the memory, working it, reliving it. And she could feel his mind still working at other angles, too, like that wasn’t all he was thinking about.

“I’m glad you were able to help them. That’s what we fight for, isn’t it? Those scars aren’t just a reminder of evil. They’re also a reminder of why we work against it.”

#cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

Dove shuddered involuntarily. War was hard for her; as a pacifist, as someone perpetually horrified by the Earthen cycle of violence and bloodshed, as someone who had only ever seen death in the lowest moments of her life, there was no glory in her idea of war.

And for reasons just like the story he was telling. Too many people get hurt. Innocents. Civilians. People who don’t deserve it, all because some leader is greedy, or power-hungry, or upset. Even good people like Caleb.

She nodded, her lips set tight. She could feel his mind taking hold of the memory, working it, reliving it. And she could feel his mind still working at other angles, too, like that wasn’t all he was thinking about.

“I’m glad you were able to help them. That’s what we fight for, isn’t it? Those scars aren’t just a reminder of evil. They’re also a reminder of why we work against it.”

beyondthetemples​:

Dove nodded, slowly, deeply. There was something different in his mind, a familiar sort of writhing subconscious thing rising until its ripples finally disturbed his conscious mind. Dark and private thoughts were nothing new to Dove. But seeing Caleb actively wrestling with them was.

It almost made her breathless. This was going to take some getting used to, the trust she’d bestowed on him being returned as an offer, a confession.

This wasn’t something she could take lightly.

And so, her brow folding over widened watchful eyes, Dove followed him to the table and cautiously took a chair across from him.

“It’s– It’s okay. I know you have secrets… There were things I hid from you, too, at first. I know…” She hesitated, characteristically unsure of her words, struggling to capture the immensity of her past, their pasts, how deeply and truly and vividly she knew why he’d want to hide it. How many reasons she knew personally. Her voice felt frail when she finally said, “I know it’s… hard.”

But to his question, she was resolute: “Only if you want to tell me.”

he pondered which one first “ the X slash on my chest is my reminder of war …. everytime i see it i remember exactly what i am trying to fight against . “ he let his mind wander back to the battlefield as his mind vividly recalled the story “ it was Crawler and me returning from a recon mission . halfway back we got intel of a strike on a civilian camp and we rerouted to evacuate all civilians .. w-we were late … we walked straight into an absolute massacre …. i can never forget what they did …. things so horrible words can not describe it . we pushed them back enough that the rest of the civilians left except for a man and his daughter they were about to strike down “ he had to stop for a moment pondering on it for few seconds “ i couldn’t allow them to die , i teleported between them and took the hit from the sword …. i was close enough that it couldn’t slice thought my body but it was enough to trail the blade off across my chest . “

he reached up almost touching the scar as he told the story “ i knocked him out , and turned around to another blade cutting me open from the other direction …. crawler was able to dispatch him and by that time backup arrived and forced a retreat . the last thing i remember i passed out on the ground and heard someone calling for a medic …. after that things get to fuzzy to remember . so every morning i wake up it serves as my reminder of the evil in this world “ he chose this one in particular for a reason . the next would prove much more difficult to talk about as it hit on a much more personal base .

#cyberninja #{{ I'm not going to be copying things into blockquotes anymore because the latest version of xkit and the Tumblr dash don't allow that! #(I mean it allows ONE set of blockquotes but it won't allow for two previous replies to be inset anymore.( #However it DOES let me trim previous reblogs off the post so we can keep replies in regular reblog text and I'll still be able to keep them #from growing 3 feet long on the screen!

[beyondthetemples]

She nodded. Azar, oh AZAR, she understood why it would shake him up.

"It should've been me"-- Dove hissed an inhale quietly; she knew that thought, and she knew how it could consume you. Survivor's guilt, Robin called it. It was something she still wrestled with, late at night.

"Nightmares are terrible. They come, and they shake up your whole world, and there's nothing you can do to stop them... Even when you think you're... OVER the worst memories, you think you moved on... Right until it comes back, and it's like the fear and pain never left."

She shook her head to herself. She swallowed down the unease. And then she set her eyes on him, her head tilted and voice low, gentle.

"What came back tonight?"

continued from , here .

“You’re upset,” Dove said, succinct and sympathetic, response immediate because it was abundantly obvious to her. Her brows were furrowed and her head tilted, her gaze searching him. As if the tone in his voice wasn’t enough, abdicating its usual steadfastness, it was in his mind too, the kind of turmoil that was so familiar in herself, meeting her awareness from him with shocking rarity.

“You’re allowed to be upset.” She was pretty sure his magic didn’t work the same way hers did, anyways. Emotions alone didn’t precipitate danger for him like they did for her.

That didn’t make them any less painful, though.

“You’ve been… holding yourself together for so long. And when you do that for so long, falling apart feels like it breaks you. But… You’re not broken. Right? You’re still breathing, still alive.”

She moved her hand, and… hesitated, froze. But then she picked it up again to place it gently over his. Her heart lurched in worry for him as the contact deepened what she sensed, and she was breathless with how much it hurt her to know he was hurting so much. But her quiet voice was no less certain for it– if anything, it was more certain of this than she’d been all day.

“You’re still here, with me.”

broken ? that word in particular would be the best way to mildly describe it . “ the nightmares have been getting worse … the last one felt so lifelike . i was there again … i could hear the gunshots so clearly , i could feel the pain in my head … i could even taste and smell the blood this time … i woke up still wondering if i was dreaming . “ there was a sealed off part of his mind seeming to open up as he describe the dream .

the touch of her hand calmed his nerves , the touch of someone close to him and the words of comfort making it much easier to recall everything . never before being close enough to anybody to share what actually happened that night , his mind found its way to block out the memories , but now there was one person capable of drawing them out and helping him begin to truly come to terms with the events “ i shouldn’t be alive …. it should have been me “

@beyondthetemples

#cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

💭what about killing . but the person who dies is a really , really bad person . Like serial killer bad ( throwing one more in the hat . If you don't want to do another one, I understand . This is something Caleb does, so it felt right to write it in character as well . Lol )

Dove flinched like the question would hurt her.

And in many ways, it did.

"Killing hurts." She spoke the words harshly, as if they would choke her if she didn't get them out. "Do you know what it's like to die?"

Every death Dove had ever felt was a murder, a pointless sadistic thievery of innocent lives. A broken neck, bleeding to death, the instant immolation of a thousand people at once...

All of her worst memories hinged on death, death, death. And she'd shared the experience. The electric jolt, and the slow fading, and the searing heat of incineration--

Azar, just thinking about it made her sick.

She shook her head, hard. "Does it matter who they are? Killing is killing. They're dead. Gone. And you killed them."

And you never forgive herself.

At least, she never did.

#{{ This was a really good one! #Dove answered an ask #cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

💭doing the wrong thing for the right reason .

Send 💭 + a topic and my muse will tell you what they think about it.

"That's... unfortunate. But I've heard... stories. Sometimes, people have to do something bad. Or think they have to. Sometimes people don't have a choice, and all they can really do is... just... try to do what they can... and sometimes the only thing you can do is something wrong. I think... I think the reason makes a difference, though."

#{{ ooc additions: Dove has Almost Certainly had a conversation with Raven about things like this. #Since... you know. Raven kicked off The End of the World and she DOES talk to Dove about that a little bit in the final chapter of DDD. #(She's basically telling her she knows what it's like to regret but she can't DEFINE herself by it.) #But sidenotes aside Dove understands that on this world of violence and evil and pain #sometimes good people have to do bad things for the greater good. #She's not happy about it. But she understands why people have to do it. #(It's part of her resignation of being a hardcore pacifist but wanting to do hero work too.) #She knows there's also good and benevolence and love on this world too. And she knows they're valuable. #So even if she's a bit defeatist about the struggle between them being never-ending: she respects that some people Make Hard Decisions #to tip the scales towards Good. #Dove answered an ask #send me a symbol #cyberninja

[beyondthetemples]

💭 places that attempt to reform hardened villains

Send 💭 + a topic and my muse will tell you what they think about it.

"Somebody has to do something about them... and, I guess, it's worth letting them try to reform... Isn't it?"

#Dove answered an ask #send me a symbol #cyberninja #{{ ooc additions: Dove is only peripherally aware of what goes on in those places! #She's ambivalent about whether criminals can BE reformed. But she knows DDD happened (Dove actually killed people). #And she knows she intends to never let that happen again. So while a lot of the Nuance^tm is lost on her... #she believes in giving people a Chance to change and do better. #With how often she sees repeat villains she's not sure if it ever works or not... but she's still hopeful that maybe it will for SOMEBODY. #Having Dove say all of this out loud felt rather out of character though. :P