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What is it about millennials, who have absolutely no idea how to give a clinical history?

No idea at all about time frames. 

When was your last period? (empty blank look, then a frown) When last have you been sexually active? “Before I broke up with my boyfriend.”  (Duh) When was that? “Last year?” (look of confusion)

When last year? January? June? December? The year was 12 months long...(Silence, and vague offence...)

Am I just a bitch, or is this unacceptable vagueness?

#millenials #inability to count

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Priceless.

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Watching someone die is no easier just because you're their doctor. Sometimes the window into the lives of others that one is privileged to look through creates a bond in an unexpected way.

Dearest Norah, go gently into the night and may your soul fly into the great beyond and may you find release from your struggles.

[bichz-b-crazy]

Dr Penis strikes again

So I was told today by my patient, after he'd made the "mistake" of taking his parts to another doctor for the second time while I was unavailable, that he'll never go to anyone else besides me to freeze his genital warts, because the scarred him and missed the bugger anyway, and "cause no one else does as good a job at freezing off penile warts like you do, and no one else has your naughty sense of humor while sorting the thing either".

Aahh, thanks? I think?

#cleanly shaven crotch #should i feel relieved or weirded out because he did it to make my life easier? #saved by blue nitrile gloves

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God bless Africa and all her children, those who have left and those who have remained...

There are days, some more than others, when I am awed by the incredible people I meet. I was honored to have met an inspirational young New Yorker today, whose home is officially in London, but who hails from southern Africa. "But the true home of my heart will always be Zimbabwe."

She works for the UN in the field of dealing with trauma in refugees, a PhD and, more importantly, passion and love for her fellow man. So happy to see the beautiful daughters and sons of Africa shining bright.

#This is why i do it #...this is what keeps me loving it #the incredible human beings in front of our very eyes #wonderful stories of beautiful people #primary care doctor #drBpost

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Dementor?

So, to paraphrase my fellow bitch-girl in the room next door, as she deflated herself into the chair of my office over the lunch lull, “So, if the Metabolic Syndrome describes the cluster of obesity, hypertension, diabetes and hypercholesterolemia, I really think we need a name to describe the cluster of Bipolar, insomnia and fibromyalgia. Don’t you think?”  I can’t think of a clever one right now, but maybe we can use Heartsink Patient meanwhile?

[bichz-b-crazy]

So, to paraphrase my fellow bitch-girl in the room next door, as she deflated herself into the chair of my office over the lunch lull, “So, if the Metabolic Syndrome describes the cluster of obesity, hypertension, diabetes and hypercholesterolemia, I really think we need a name to describe the cluster of Bipolar, insomnia and fibromyalgia. Don’t you think?”  I can’t think of a clever one right now, but maybe we can use Heartsink Patient meanwhile?

#the heartsink patient #primary care doctor #drBpost

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"I'm so happy to see you I could cry..!"

So, 10 minutes before I finish my 11 hour shift this evening, in runs mom with 4 year old Strawberry-puff whom I saw 8 hours before with bilateral otitis media and referred for opinion. Said Strawberry-puff has a laceration on her chin that needs suturing after she fell in the bathroom this evening.

She looked trustingly at me with never a peep while I sorted her out, wrapped up pancake style in her blankie, peacefully.

Mom repeated it, tears of relief in her eyes: "Its been a helluva day. Surgery booked for Thursday. You have no idea how happy I was to find you on duty at this time. I could cry..."

#there are things that make it worth it #redemption for drB #primary care doctor #primary care #drBpost

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Endless phonecalls make me feel like a biatch: like I don't like my patients today. While I was growling at my messages, Dr. Gorgeous-but-I-dont-know-it sagely quipped, "You need a holiday."

Ain't that the truth. The more tired I am, the less I like myself.

#time to tap out #primary care doctor #my second practice is telephonic #i hate the phone

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The first installments on an idea I fantasize about:

Handbook for Patients

Behavioral guidelines for being a good patient:

One or maximum two problems per visit please - the more we fit in, the easier it is to miss out important issues, and the harder it is to manage time.

Please book one appointment for every person wanting to consult - while it's hard for me to refuse, it really messes up my time management fitting in extra patients. This really is less about money than time!

Please arrive 10 minutes early for appointments - lateness is the prerogative of the doctor, and we can assure you it's never intentionally to annoy you. That's why you're called the patient. I sadly do run late at times, in part because of unanticipated problems, but also because of late arrivals.

Being rude to my staff is just not cool - I actually like them and take offence on their behalf.

What is said to my staff always come back to me - so think before you complain, as it may not be in the best interests of the doctor patient relationship.

Spit it out at the beginning - I really hate completing my examination and washing my hands, then being told "Oh! I have another problem." I don't mind spoilers. Lay out your list at the beginning (on the assumption that Rule No.1 has been ignored). I specialize at problem solving in bulk, sadly.

Do not discuss your Google "research" with me - you're only a researcher if you already have a degree in the field. I do. And Dr. Google is a quack.

Do not save the best for last - A doctor's heartsink moment is the doorhandle complaint, commonly a red flag symptom. Dessert first please!

It's never really okay to be chatting on your phone while I'm consulting with you - though I get that sometimes one needs to kill a call quickly. In fact, a silent phone is first prize.

One consultation does not entitle you to 3 related follow up phonecalls - this is a time factor. Just consider the mathematics of the thing.

#handbook for patients #my fantasy #Behavioral guidelines for being a good patient #primary care physician #let me spell it out #drBmeta