bookstaninthesoul

[bookstaninthesoul]

Everywhere, Everything: Chapter Three

Chapter Summary: In the aftermath of sleeping with Azriel, Elain finds herself a distraction in the form of a new boyfriend. Only, that distraction isn't working out quite as planned.

Word Count: 3.9k

Missed the first two chapters? You can find the masterlist for this fic here 🥰

A/N: Thank you so much for all the love and support on this fic. It means everything to me 💕 Please accept my apologies in advance for this chapter lol but repeat after me - fuck! graysen!

ENJOY XX

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“Your mom hates me.” Elain tipped her head back against the passenger seat headrest and closed her eyes against the bright light of the full moon. Graysen’s foot pressed down on the gas pedal, sending them flying faster down the freeway towards his apartment. She couldn’t bear to look at him. Couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in his eyes, the tension in his jaw. She had one job tonight and she’d failed miserably.

“I told you to make sure you cleaned yourself up after work.” Graysen’s voice was low, barely audible over the sound of the road. His gaze stayed fixed straight ahead - as if he couldn’t stand to even glance in her direction. 

Hot tears pricked at the corner of Elain’s eyes, threatening to spill. She didn’t know why she’d bothered to hope that maybe he’d try to reassure her, that he’d say something to make her feel better or to let her know that it didn’t matter to him whether or not his parents approved of his new girlfriend. It shouldn’t have surprised her that all she got was blame even if she had spent an hour in the bathroom after work, carefully pinning her hair into place and making sure her makeup was done just right. 

She didn’t know how she’d failed to notice the smear of dark crimson juice that had dried on the side of her hand or how she’d forgotten to scrub off the smudge of dirt that had somehow made its way onto the side of her neck but Graysen and his mother had both certainly noticed. 

It had been the first two things he had pointed out seconds after Elain slid into his car earlier,  foolishly expecting a compliment on her dress - one of his favourites -  only for her faults to be pointed out instead. 

He’d found those things endearing once upon a time, in the early days of their relationship, back when he’d come by the apothecary after closing and crowd her up against the door or the counter. It used to be a game between them - kisses pressed along her wrists, shoulders, and neck until he could correctly guess which fruits or herbs she’d been working with that day.

She didn’t know when it had all changed but she supposed it was only to be expected given just how quickly things had progressed between them in the first place. 

…

Elain had met Graysen a couple months after she’d moved to Meadowview. 

She’d sworn off boys and deleted all her apps. The intention had been to take some time for herself for the first time in her entire adult life and figure out what the hell she was doing. But the universe seemingly had other plans because one week before Thanksgiving, Graysen approached Elain in the wine aisle of her local grocery store.

She’d seen him for the first time a few weeks before that. He’d been studying the bottles of wine on the top shelf and she’d caught him sneaking glances in her direction as she half heartedly scanned the lower shelves looking for something good and cheap. They’d exchanged a few coy smiles, a casual wave in greeting or farewell, but never anything more. It wasn’t until they’d ended up in the same aisle at the same time for the third week in a row that Graysen finally decided to make his move.

Elain had seen it coming from a mile away. She’d caught that initial spark of interest the very first time their eyes had met two weeks prior and she’d seen the determination in the set of his shoulders when he turned the corner that night and saw her crouched down as she tried to decide between two bottles of wine.  She wasn’t even a little bit surprised when she shifted her gaze from the wine in her hands to see the supple leather shoes that had stepped into place beside her, standing in stark contrast to her own dirt streaked, worn white sneakers.

She’d slowly dragged her eyes up to see him looking down at her with a confident and obviously practiced smile - one that Elain figured he’d used on countless women over the years, easily charming them into a date or into his bed.

Graysen was tall and lean with sandy hair cropped close to his scalp and bright blue eyes that seemed to pierce straight through her. He was impeccably dressed - always in a well tailored shirt and pants with cufflinks neatly pinned to his sleeves and an expensive, probably designer, belt wrapped around his waist.

He’d introduced himself to her after she stood up on wobbly legs and Elain had found herself falling victim to that easy charm. She’d said yes to a drink with him - yes to a drink with this complete stranger - perhaps out of boredom, perhaps as a way to distract herself from the memories that continued to haunt her of her life back home, of the loss of her father, and the friend that had been there for her in the weeks after - the one that hadn’t so much as batted an eye as she ruined his t-shirts with the salt from her tears. 

She’d gone out with Graysen for a drink that Saturday night and it had been… fine. 

Graysen was wonderfully vanilla. Perfectly predictable. He had a routine and he stuck to it. He was just like all the other guys she tended to date - guys that were so far removed from her actual type. Which when she really thought about it, came down to just one particular man with broad shoulders and hazel eyes flecked with green if you only got close enough to notice. 

She’d felt so neutral about Graysen that she hadn’t been particularly interested in seeing him again after that first night. Their date had lasted a few hours. He’d showed off by ordering an extensive bottle of wine and then explaining the various notes and flavours to her in extensive detail. He told her about his job but hadn’t really asked about hers. He hadn’t really asked her much at all that night, when she thought about it. She’d given him a kiss on the cheek and sent him on his way at the end of the night, telling him that she’d be going out of town soon but maybe they could catch up for another drink or dinner when she got back. 

She had no intention of actually following through on that until she’d gone back home and royally fucked everything up by acting on a long suppressed impulse and ending her Christmas tangled in the sheets of her best friend’s bed.

What happened with Azriel was the exact reminder Elain needed that she’d been right to avoid being alone with him in the months leading up to Christmas. It was also the reminder she needed that she’d gone from relationship to relationship when she lived back home for a reason. Because even then, before the idea of Azriel being anything more than a friend had taken root in her mind, she’d somehow subconsciously known that dating someone else was the only way to keep her from falling hard and fast for him.

She’d called upon that go-to tactic once again when she’d returned back to Meadowview and decided that a distraction was extremely necessary and long overdue because just a few months of being single had sent her running into Azriel’s arms not once, but twice.

Graysen had been the obvious option. One quick text and Elain was on the road to moving forward. At least that’s what she tried to tell herself. 

Elain had taken it upon herself to figure out exactly what Graysen was looking for in a girl quite early into knowing him and she’d adjusted herself accordingly - quickly and easily falling into an all too familiar routine of molding herself to be whatever someone wanted or expected her to be. She’d done it for her parents, for her sister, for her friends. And she most certainly did it for the men she dated. 

She’d always excelled at it. She knew exactly how to tailor herself to be what a man desired and she’d been fine tuning her skills from a young age, leaning into the covertness of being just a pretty face. She knew how to stay quiet and be demure. She knew to let them take the spotlight, knew when to laugh at their jokes. To let them kiss her but to hold back on sex just long enough to keep them wanting more. 

She’d done it all with Graysen - knew that he would love the idea of taking a pretty girl who was just a little bit rough around the edges and putting her in a sophisticated dress and expensive jewelry. Knew he’d like that she was  quiet with only a few friends so that she could dedicate all her spare time to him. She’d leaned into the bit of her personality that she knew he’d love and shoved every other part of her to the side until even she forgot that they’d ever existed. She’d done it so effectively and efficiently that he’d wanted to parade her around his friends and high flying colleagues mere weeks after she’d sent him that first text.

It was supposed to be casual. It was supposed to be like all her other previous relationships that were really nothing more than just the occasional dinner and sex a few times a week until they inevitably saw through her lack of commitment and called it off. It certainly wasn’t supposed to go as far as meeting his parents and she definitely hadn’t thought that she’d ever agree to introducing him - or anyone else she’d dated - to her family. 

But here they were, three months and one disastrous dinner later.

Elain had never met Graysen’s parents before but she’d heard stories and she’d seen the photos that dotted his swanky apartment in the heart of the city. She’d known just from the look of them - the severe posture and those clinical smiles - that she could expect them to be just like their son.

She’d been nervous to meet them but she’d been somewhat confident that she could charm them in the same way that she’d charmed Graysen and all the other men before him. She’d been wrong, so very wrong.

Graysen’s father had been alright. He hadn’t said much to her other than a hello and a murmured  interesting that dripped in condescension after she’d informed them that she worked at an apothecary running soap making workshops and lecturing patrons on the many intricacies of herbal teas. His mother, however, hadn’t even tried to hide her distaste. Elain wondered if it wasn’t so much a personal vendetta against her specifically or something broader - a preordained disdain for any girl her only son might’ve brought to meet her. 

Veronica had stared daggers at Elain for the better part of two hours - the same piercing blue eyes as her son shamelessly cataloging Elain’s black dress, one she’d spent a good chunk of her paycheck on when she’d clued into the types of restaurants and venues that Graysen liked to frequent and realised that her thrifted flowy skirts and dresses wouldn’t suffice. She’d noticed the tight frown on the woman’s thin lips as she marked the chipped red nail polish on Elain’s index finger along with that smear of cherry juice along the side of her palm. That frown had only increased each time she spoke and Veronica realised that her perfect, accomplished only son had brought a girl with two dead parents and an unfinished college degree to meet her.

Elain ran her thumb along the chain of her necklace, pressing the pad of her finger into the engraved rose as she tried to figure out how she could possibly salvage this evening but with each mile marker they passed, she only found herself withdrawing further and further into herself until all the light had left Graysen’s eyes and the grip of the hand he had on the steering wheel had turned his knuckles white. 

For twenty minutes, she sat in the car and rehashed every second, trying to figure out what she could’ve done better. Had she talked too much? Too little? Laughed too loud like she had a tendency to do when she got nervous?

They were almost back to his apartment when she felt his attention on her again. Elain raised her eyes to his just as his hand fell to her thigh, fingers pressing in lightly through the satin of her dress. 

“Lain,” Graysen started. 

“I told you not to call me that.” Elain interrupted him.  Only one person had ever used that nickname for her and she couldn’t stand the sound of it from anyone else, but especially not from another man. She’d made that clear to Graysen in their first few weeks together.

“El,” Graysen corrected himself, sighing in frustration before he continued. “My mom can be extremely critical but she’ll come around.” 

“You didn’t even try, Gray. You didn’t even try to defend me or anything.”

“I know. I should have said something but I was just frustrated because I told you to clean up and I thought you’d answer their questions -” 

“You’re turning it on me again,” Elain pinched the bridge of her nose. “What did you want me to do? Lie about my career? Tell them that I grew up like you did?”. 

“No, I just… fuck, I just wanted them to like you because I… I love you.” Graysen paused, reaching for her hand. “You know I love you. Don’t you, El?”

Elain’s heart dropped and she tensed under his grip as a flood of indecipherable feelings hit her. 

This wasn’t the first time she’d received a halfhearted apology from him after he’d hurt her feelings and she suspected it wouldn’t be the last. At least this time the apology had come directly from him in a timely manner instead of being delivered as a note written by someone else and attached to an overpriced bouquet of flowers or yet another necklace that would sit on her dresser untouched for months to come. 

“I know, it’s fine.” She finally said, bringing his hand up to her lips and pressing a kiss to the back of his palm. He’d told her he loved her a few times now but she’d never said it back. Not when she couldn’t quite return the sentiment. Instead, she waited for him to pull into the driveway and put the car in park before she leant over the center console and slid her hand up his neck to tilt his face towards hers for a slow, deep kiss. 

Once he pulled away, forehead against hers, chest rising and falling unsteadily, Elain laughed under her breath and gently tapped the sliver of skin visible where he’d undone the first couple of buttons on his crisp, white shirt. “Maybe my sisters will hate you and then we can call it even.”

A small part of her regretted the pettiness of the words but she couldn’t help but allow herself to make the joke, not after the night they’d had. Luckily for her, it seemed that her kiss had done enough to diffuse the situation because he didn’t come back with a sharp retort of his own. Just a huff of breath and a small shake of his head as he turned the engine off. 

Two weeks. She had two weeks until she had to make good on her panicked decision to go home for Nyx’s fifth birthday and then the accompanying panicked agreement she’d made when Graysen suggested accompanying her on the trip in front of his parents.

Elain pushed the thought from her mind. She couldn't think about all that would entail. What going back home would now look like. How much more anxious she felt about it now compared to her last trip back home because now she had an actual reason to be nervous. 

It wasn’t enough to be faced with the predicament of potentially seeing Azriel again but this time she had to do it while pretending that they hadn’t done what they’d done… and she’d have to do it all with her new boyfriend watching as a front row spectator. 

She’d never once introduced any of the guys she’d dated to her family. Never once had they stepped foot into her house or shaken her father’s hand. Not a single one of them had ever been subjected to the scrutiny of Nesta’s menacing gaze. 

But she couldn’t very well say anything to deter him now. She’d gotten herself into this hole and now there was no way out. 

She knew it was a stupid decision to take him back home with her but a small, reckless part of her wondered if this wasn’t for the best because even after months of establishing a relationship with Graysen in the hopes of erasing what she’d done with Azriel, it was a lost cause.

 It wasn’t even the memory of his skin under her palms that hurt the most, it was everything else she’d lost as a result of crossing that line. 

It felt like she was missing a huge chunk of herself. There were empty spaces in her life where Azriel used to be and as much as she’d tried to fill in those gaps with someone else, it just wasn’t the same. She still found herself checking her phone first thing in the morning to see if he’d texted her. She missed seeing his picture pop up on her phone when he called. The random photos of Shadow he used to send her and the constant stream of conversation between them. All their inside jokes. She found reminders of him everywhere and it was hell to keep pretending like she was fine with it all. To keep pretending that anyone else would ever be able to understand her the way Azriel had.

But she’d done this. She’d made that first move and ruined something that had been so natural and easy. 

Maybe it was best to take Graysen back home and put the final nail in the coffin because with any luck,  introducing someone to her family - to Azriel - would make this all real and would force her to move on once and for all.

… 

Azriel sat at Feyre and Rhys’s kitchen counter, woefully tossing MnMs at their toddler who was trying - and failing - to catch them in his mouth. 

He’d been spending the last few weeks like this, trailing Rhysand’s family like a lost puppy because he simply had nothing better to do with his life. 

It’d been just over three months since he’d woken up to an empty bed after what he might’ve deemed to be the best night of his life had it not all gone to hell and while he thought it would get easier with time, it most certainly hadn’t. 

Every day was the same. Wake up, walk Shadow, work out with Cassian, log in to work and stare at a screen for hours on end, walk Shadow again, go to bed. Rinse. Repeat. 

He’d tried all his old tactics of distractions but no amount of drinking in his local bar or aimlessly flirting with whatever girl inevitably sauntered up to him could ease the ache that had taken root in his chest. He hadn’t been able to be with anyone else since that night. He’d tried - just once - a couple weeks after Christmas, and it had ended with him abruptly pulling away from a half naked, very confused girl just as she’d reached for his belt. He’d apologised profusely and left her apartment promptly to go back to his own house and contemplate how he’d gone from a regular rotation of casual hookups to not even being able to kiss a girl without thinking about Elain.

Really, he shouldn’t have been surprised because Elain was all he ever thought about. Every day. Every night. Each time he flipped over his phone just to check if maybe she’d decided to break her silence. He’d been torturing himself endlessly like this for months now to no avail. 

It’s why - when he heard Feyre mention Elain’s name in passing as she spoke to Rhys- he found himself speaking before he could even think to stop himself. 

“How’s she been?” He asked, trying desperately to keep his voice level as he reminded himself that there was nothing unusual about asking after a friend. 

Still, Rhys gave him one of those looks that he’d been giving him for years at the slightest mention of his wife’s older sister. He wondered if Rhys would go into cardiac arrest if he ever found out exactly what Azriel had done with his friend’s beloved sister-in-law.

“She’s good!” Feyre gave him a bright smile. “I actually spoke to her yesterday for the first time in weeks.”

There was nothing on her face to hint that she knew exactly why he was asking. He certainly hadn’t said anything to her after Christmas. He’d kept what happened to himself. Had only casually asked Nesta about her sister’s whereabouts just to be told that Elain had needed to leave because of an emergency at work.

“Oh, that’s good.” Azriel returned her smile with a small one of his own.

“She’s coming back for a visit in a couple weeks.” Feyre continued, her smile faltering ever so slightly.

Azriel stilled. 

“For Nyx’s birthday,” Rhys chimed in, once again carefully studying Azriel before he continued. “And she’s bringing… what’s his name, again?” 

“Graysen.” Feyre nodded, raising up onto her tiptoes and then back down again. It was a nervous habit of hers that Azriel had picked up on by the second or third time he’d hung out with her because she’d done it constantly around Rhys in those early days.

Graysen.

He could pretend that he’d never heard that name before but he’d be lying if he didn’t say he’d scrolled through Elain’s social media to find a picture of him the first time he’d heard Feyre and Nesta gossiping about some new guy Elain had been seeing back in January. He hadn’t found much, just a glimpse of blonde hair and an expensive watch in the background of a picture she’d taken while out to dinner..

He’d seen no sign of a man in any of her limited posts since then and he’d selfishly hoped that that had meant it hadn’t gone anywhere.

“He’s coming back with her? Here?” Azriel asked slowly, staring straight at Feyre while refusing to look at Rhys. He knew his friend’s eyes would be narrowed in suspicion.

A soft ringing filled Azriel’s ears as his heart slammed against his chest. He didn’t let any of it show on the outside, going out of his way to maintain that calm and collected mask he was known for. But it was dread that coursed through him. Dread that extinguished any hope and excitement he might have once felt at the prospect of Elain returning home.

“Yeah. It must be serious,” Feyre swallowed as she once again raised up onto her tiptoes and then back down again before she met Azriel’s eyes. He was usually so good at reading people but for the first time ever, he couldn’t quite put his thumb on what he saw in Feyre’s gaze as she looked at him. “If she’s actually willing to let us meet him.” 

[bookstaninthesoul]

Everywhere, Everything: Chapter Two

Chapter Summary: One thing leads to another when Azriel and Elain find themselves alone for the first time in months.

Word Count: 6K

Warnings: Smut, 18+ please

Missed the first chapter? You can find the masterlist for this fic here 🥰

A/N: Thank you so much for all the love and support on the first chapter of this fic. It means the world to me and I am SO excited to share this next chapter with you 💕

ENJOY XX

Read on AO3

Elain Archeron had always had excellent intuition. 

It was Elain that had glanced between Nesta and Cassian the first time they had all met and quietly told her older sister that she’d end up marrying Cassian one day. At the time, Nesta had scoffed - claiming that Rhys’ loud, overconfident friend was the opposite of her type and she’d rather stick pins in her eyes than entertain the idea of going on even one date with him. Two years to the day later, Nesta had shown up to dinner with a glittering diamond on her ring finger. 

It was also Elain that had tilted her head, her mouth skewed up in a mischievous half smile as she surveyed Feyre one morning and whispered “you’re pregnant” to her younger sister who much like Nesta, had scoffed and said that there was absolutely no way. Nyx arrived thirty four weeks later. 

It was that same intuition that had left with her with an ominous feeling in the weeks leading up to her father’s death. That darkness had lingered around her for so long that Elain had finally decided to give up and ignore it - a decision that she’d come to regret just a few days later when she’d slipped out of her then-boyfriend’s bed to see the countless number of missed calls and texts lighting up her phone screen.

But while her intuition seemed to always be right on the money when it came to other people in her life, it was all but non-existent when it came to her own. Otherwise, she might’ve immediately known that when Azriel had greeted her earlier this evening with one of his rare smiles and an “I missed you” muttered into her hair for only her to hear, they’d end the night alone in his kitchen - flickering candlelight and his hands on her thighs. 

Azriel’s house had been bustling with activity for the past few hours. Festive music was on, the fireplace was lit, the warm lights of the Christmas tree glittered along with the numerous candles that he’d lit and carefully placed around his kitchen and living room so that they were well out of reach of small hands. Drinks had been poured, food had been devoured, gifts had been opened and only now were things finally quieting down. 

Rhys and Feyre swayed together in time to whatever song was playing, wrapped up in each other’s arms as their toddler desperately tried to pry his way in between their bodies. Nesta was sprawled out on Azriel’s couch, long legs draped over Cassian’s lap. Elain watched them all, a small smile on her lips, from where she sat on the floor next to Shadow’s bed - one hand softly stroking over the chest of Azriel’s greyhound as she dozed with her long snout resting on Elain’s lap. 

She had been nervous to come back home after being away for the last six months, afraid of what feelings might come rushing to the surface when she returned to this small town that had been the setting for all the best and worst moments of her life. She’d felt unprecedented anxiety on the entire flight over and then again on the drive to Azriel’s house for Christmas dinner. But her heart had immediately eased when she’d spotted the paw prints imprinted into the walkway when she strolled up to the front door earlier and now that she was here, cross legged on the floor of a house that had come to feel like a second home, she was perfectly content. 

Even her nerves around seeing Azriel had dissipated into nothing when he’d opened the door and given her one of those rare, dazzling smiles that made her heart ache. He’d pulled her into his arms, placed a chaste kiss to her cheek, and she’d almost cried from the relief of being back here with him. At how natural it felt to be held by him again. She’d missed him to the point of pain, even if he was part of the reason she’d packed up and moved halfway across the country in the first place. 

It wasn’t that she hadn’t seen him in the eight or so months that she’d been away. They’d still spoken, still exchanged the occasional call and text to check in with each other. They’d even caught up the last time she’d been in town for a friend’s wedding that Autumn but she’d insisted on meeting him in a café - somewhere public and busy where she wouldn’t have to deal with that simmering temptation that seemed to plague her each and every time she looked at him a little too long. 

Elain lifted her eyes to sneak another look at him now, just as she’d been doing since she’d stepped foot into his house earlier this evening. He was as beautiful as ever, sitting on the floor across from her, his back against the couch Nesta and Cassian occupied, long legs stretched out in front of him. His head was tipped up and to the side. The small gold hoop that hugged his earlobe caught the light of the fireplace and drew her eye there, to the strong cut of his jaw and the cheekbones that were on perfect display as he exchanged quiet words with her older sister. 

The sweater he wore was a green so dark it almost looked black in the dim light and it fit him in a way that emphasised the breadth of his chest and shoulders.  The memory of him pushing up the sleeves of that sweater while he bustled around the kitchen earlier resurfaced before she could stop it and Elain had to drag her eyes away from him, her cheeks heating at the way she’d been unable to look away from the dark ink of the tattoos scattered on his golden skin and the way they had subtly danced with each flex of his forearms.

…

Nesta and Feyre both decided to head home as the clock ticked closer to 1AM. Nyx had fallen asleep on Azriel’s couch an hour ago.  Feyre was well past drunk, her entire body slumped against Rhys who held her up with a firm arm around her waist. Nesta was steering an also far from sober Cassian into the passenger side of their car. 

“I’ll stay and help tidy up,” Elain told Rhys as she helped get Nyx in his carseat while Rhys wrangled his wife into the front seat. “Feyre gave me a key earlier, I’ll let myself in.” 

“Az could probably drive you back, he’s only had a couple.” He replied, sighing as he carefully shut the passenger door. 

Rhys followed her as she made her way back up the path to Azriel’s house. She didn’t miss the slight raise of Azriel’s brows as she said goodbye to Rhys and brushed past him, heading back inside the house instead of leaving with her sisters. She kept moving, not bothering to stand around as Rhys lowered his voice and spoke to Azriel. 

She was in the kitchen, putting away leftovers and wiping down the benchtop when Azriel sauntered back in. 

“You didn’t need to stay and help,” he said softly, bottom lip pulled between his teeth as he watched her. 

“And you didn’t need to host us all tonight, but you did.” Elain gave him a pointed look before she looked away from those piercing hazel eyes. “Besides, I haven’t seen you in a while. I thought it’d be nice to stay back for a bit… catch up, just the two of us.”

“Just like old times,” he said, softly.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye just in time to see the way those full lips of his tilted upwards. 

“Just like old times,” she nodded.

And just like all those other late nights, the conversation came easily. There was no awkwardness between them. None of the resentment that she had feared he may hold for her. It was just as it had always been - whispered words and quiet laughter. The gentle skim of fingers over shoulders and waists as they effortlessly maneuvered around each other, taking entirely too long to clean up because they were so distracted by falling straight back into their old routine.

But while things had been going better than she could’ve hoped, that temptation was still there. She still felt the heat course through her every time his hand pressed to the small of her back. She’d hoped that it had been a fluke. That putting distance between them would temper the overwhelming desire that she had for him. Being alone with him now, even despite the ease and the comfort, she couldn’t help but wonder how she’d deluded herself into thinking there was any way that she could just resort back to friendly feelings when her feelings towards him had always skewed to a little more than just platonic. 

“Want a slice of pie?” Azriel asked, looking at her over his shoulder as he opened the fridge and peered inside. 

“It’s late, Az. I should probably head back home, you must be tired.” Elain said, draining the last bit of red wine from the glass that Azriel had refilled not once, but twice, in the last hour or so. She was a little bit tipsy, her eyes the tiniest bit bleary - although whether that was because of the wine or the lack of sleep, she couldn’t be too sure. 

“Just one slice, Lain.” Azriel pulled a plate of pumpkin pie and a can of whipped cream out of the fridge before using his elbow to shut the refrigerator door. “One slice and then I’ll call you a cab.”

Elain bit the inside of her cheek, a coy smile forming on her lips. She’d take any excuse for a few more minutes with him. “I’ll just have a bite of yours.”

Elain hoisted herself up on the counter and watched as Azriel nodded, carefully cutting a slice and setting it on the plate before making his way back to her. He gathered a piece on the singular fork he’d brought with him and held it out to her, his other hand cupped under it to catch any stray crumbs. Prickles of heat crept from her chest up her neck as she leant forward, all too aware of the way Azriel’s eyes were glued to her mouth as she wrapped her lips around the fork. That heat only intensified as she watched him take the next bite, his own lips sliding over where hers had just been.

“You forgot the cream,”  she swallowed down whatever feeling was coursing through her and looked away from him, hands extending out to reach for the canister of whipped cream. 

Azriel took it from her, a devious look on his face as he gently gripped her chin and tipped her head back, filling her mouth with the cream.

“Stop!” She laughed, pressing her foot into his thigh to push him back as she snatched back the can and attempted to gracefully swallow the copious amount of cream. 

“My turn,” he stepped forward, his eyes on her face even as he slotted himself in between her knees. Elain didn’t dare look down to see how high her dress had ridden up her legs. She just raised the can, shaking it a few times as he tilted his own head back and parted his lips.

She went easy on him, taking her finger off the lever as soon as he had a good mouthful. 

Elain watched as he swallowed, his eyes shining with amusement. She watched as his tongue collected what remained on his lips and then her focus went to that little bit of whipped cream that remained right at the corner of his mouth. 

She felt light headed, a little bit out of her body. She was only vaguely aware of her own movements as her hands landed on Azriel’s shoulders. She only just caught the look of surprise in his wide hazel eyes before she pressed her lips to the corner of his, collecting that lingering cream into her own mouth. 

Elain pulled back quickly, suddenly painfully aware of what she’d just done, of the line she’d just crossed. An unspoken and admittedly blurry line, but one that had been firmly in place between them for the past decade. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know why… it must be the wi-”

Elain didn’t have the chance to finish her sentence, however, because Azriel’s lips were immediately on hers. One large hand of his found her bare thigh while the other landed against the small of her back, holding her close to him. Her hands slid from his shoulders, up his neck and into his hair. Her fingers twisted into his midnight waves as she pulled him even closer, her entire body arching up into his touch. 

The moan that left his mouth as her lips parted for him, as her breasts pressed against his chest, had an immediate ache building between her thighs, one that only coiled tighter as that hand on her thigh slid dangerously higher, his fingertips digging into her supple flesh as he kissed her.. 

She’d never be able to look at a pumpkin pie, never be able to taste cinnamon or cream again, without thinking about this. Without picturing Azriel standing in between her legs, his hand under her dress, his tongue in her mouth. 

“Is it really just the wine?” He pulled back from her lips just an inch to look at her properly. His hands were still on her body, his touch searing. His lips were swollen, his chest heaved in time with hers as they each attempted to catch their breath.

Elain bit down on her lip and shook her head, her nails scratched softly at his scalp. “No.”

She shifted forward and the movement caused Azriel’s fingers to slide over the thin scrap of lace she wore underneath her dress. 

“Fuck,” he swore under his breath, feeling the damp fabric. She whimpered as his fingers pressed in slightly as he dragged them up and over her center. “I’ve barely even touched you.”

He didn’t say it with any sort of pride. Didn’t say it as if he were teasing her. He said it with a certain sort of disbelief, like he couldn’t quite comprehend that she could ever have that sort of reaction because of him. 

Elain’s cheeks blazed with heat, her head spinning. She was so far gone, too consumed with the familiar scent of him coupled with the unfamiliar feel of his hands in a place they’d never gone before to think straight.

“Lain,” He whispered, his lips sliding up her jaw towards her ear. “Tell me to stop.”

“Don’t want you to stop,” she mumbled, turning her face until her lips met his. Her eyes fluttered shut, a moan of her own leaving her mouth only to be swallowed by him as his thumb circled her clit over her underwear.

She should’ve told him to stop. She most definitely should’ve gone home. But she couldn’t bring herself to put an end to this. She couldn’t think of anything past the insistent throbbing between her legs that only he’d be able to satisfy. 

This was Azriel. 

Azriel who’d taught Feyre to drive. Cold to the world Azriel, who warmed so slowly to people but had seemingly been so willing to open up and share himself with her. 

This was the boy that had slotted himself next to her in the church pew and gently took her hand in his at her father’s funeral when the guy she’d been seeing at the time had all but disappeared into the ether. 

It was Azriel that helped Rhys and Cassian at the small reception after the funeral so that the girls didn’t have to worry about anything. And when it came time for Feyre and Nesta to return to their own lives and families after a week of the three of them sharing a bed like they so often did when they were kids, it was Azriel that she had turned to during a moment of weakness, admitting that she couldn’t bear to be in the house alone. 

It was Azriel that had stayed with her all those weeks. It was his arms that she fell asleep in night after night, his shirt that she soaked with her tears. His voice in her ear whispering that he’d always be there for her. 

It was during those weeks that everything had changed. It was on one of those nights when he’d held her close, his fingers pressed to the small of her back, that she’d felt the urge to press her body closer to his, to tilt her head up and kiss him. She’d gone as far as sliding her hands under his shirt, pressing her lips to his neck before she’d gotten ahold of herself.

The desire had been so intense, so all consuming, that it had made her feel ill. 

She’d turned in his arms that night, afraid of what she’d do if she looked at him for even a moment longer. And the second that she faced away from him and he readjusted his grip on her, his fingers tightening on her hip over her shirt - always over, never under, she choked back a sob. 

She’d been so ashamed of wanting him like that, completely overcome with sheer guilt that she could feel anything besides grief in the wake of her father’s death. 

She’d decided then and there that she had to go. That she needed to put distance between herself and this place. Him. So much had already changed, she couldn’t bear to complicate things any further and she knew it would be inevitable if she stuck around. 

It would have been entirely too easy to let it happen, to give in to that pull she’d always felt towards him. But she refused to risk it, too afraid of all the possible repercussions on everyone else involved. So she took the savings she had and the money left for her in her father’s will and she moved across the country just to prove to herself that she could. 

But now that she was back here with his hands confidently navigating her body, there was no time to think. There was only here and now and all she wanted was him on top of her. Under her. She didn’t care as long as she could have him inside her. 

Elain didn’t protest as his hands slid under her thighs, his scars gliding over her smooth skin. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he lifted her and carried her upstairs. Their mouths were fused together apart from split second separations to go over the necessary questions.

Yes, he’d been tested recently. No, he hadn’t slept with anyone since that test. Yes, she was on the pill. No, she didn’t want him to use a condom.

Elain grappled with the hem of her dress, tugging the tight fabric over her head and discarding it somewhere on the landing at the top of the stairs. Azriel’s lips wrapped around a peaked nipple barely a second later as he blindly made his way towards his bedroom, kicking the door shut with his foot before he gently laid her down on his bed. 

He stayed standing, eyes scanning hungrily over her body, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth. Elain blushed under the heat of his gaze. She thought that she must look ridiculous, laid out like this - naked aside from a measly bit of lace and the thigh high black tights she’d worn under her boots. 

“Even prettier than I pictured,” Azriel said, voice soft as he peeled the stockings off each of her legs. His fingers hooked in the waistband of her underwear and she raised her hips, holding her breath as he removed them - torturous and slow - until she was utterly bare before him.

“You pictured this?” Her voice was breathy as she propped herself up on her elbows to watch as he knelt on the floor in front of her. 

“More times than I can count,” he admitted. Azriel’s voice was steady but she saw the smallest inkling of embarrassment in the light dusting of pink high on his cheeks. 

Elain didn’t have a chance to reply to his admission, a gasp leaving her mouth as his fingers gripped her hips as he dragged her to the edge of the mattress and hooked her legs over his shoulders. An unbearable heat stoked low in her stomach at the realisation that the breadth of his shoulders meant that she was spread open inches from his beautiful face.

“Did you ever think of me? Us? Like this?” His lips brushed over the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. 

She couldn’t focus, couldn’t conjure up a single thought when his mouth was so close to where she needed him. 

“Lain?” He prompted her again, clearly seeking an answer before he’d give her what she so obviously wanted. 

“Yes,” Elain gave him a shy nod. “A few times.” 

A vast underestimation. 

She’d learnt long ago that just imagining Azriel’s face was enough to get her over the edge. She’d take it to her grave the amount of times she’d whispered his name into her pillow as she imagined his fingers in place of her own. 

Azriel didn’t say anything else but she felt him smile against the crease of her thigh, moments before he finally gave in and ran his tongue over her.

Elain’s fingers grasped at the white linen of his sheets as she tried to remember how to breathe. Azriel was relentless, his talented mouth coaxing out little whimpers and moans from her despite her best efforts to keep quiet. She bit down on her lip, holding back a desperate moan as he slipped a single finger inside her. His other hand slid up the plane of her stomach, fingers bracketing her ribs as his thumb grazed the soft curve of her breast.

Her back arched off the mattress, hips bucking up under his mouth. He moved his hand down from her breast, slinging that arm across her stomach to keep her in place as he added another finger and wrapped his lips around her aching clit. 

She couldn’t bring herself to care about how quickly she came for him, her thighs threatening to close around his head, her nails digging so hard into the arm pinning her down that she knew he’d have little half moon marks on his skin for hours to come. 

Elain grasped at the fabric of his sweater to pull him up to her and Azriel stood, reaching for the material at the back of his neck and pulling it off his body in one smooth motion. She raised onto her knees, eyes still locked on his as she bent and pressed a number of kisses across his hips, her fingers making quick work of his belt, followed by the button and zipper of his trousers. 

She took pride at the sight of her red lipstick smeared on his skin as she leaned back and watched him finish undressing. She could see the shape of him through the thin material of his boxers and still, her mouth went dry when they came off and the length of him was revealed to her. She moved forward again, wanted to reach for him and feel him in her hands. Take him into her mouth. Leave her lipstick all over every inch of him. But Azriel stopped her, shaking his head and gently guiding her back down to the bed. 

“Lay back,” he instructed. His hands ran along the curves of her body as he guided her thighs apart with his knee and settled himself between her legs. 

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” his lips brushed against the shell of her ear. “As much as I’d love to feel your pretty mouth on me, I just need to be inside you.” 

She swallowed, biting down on her lower lip at his earnestness.

“Do you want that?” He continued, pulling back slightly so he could look at her properly.  “Want me inside you?”

She didn’t say anything, only reached between their bodies to run her hand along the hard length that rested heavy against her stomach. 

Azriel groaned at her touch and the sound sent a new wave of warmth coursing through her body. “Answer me, Elain.” 

Elain could’ve come right at that moment, just from the authoritativeness of that command, but she took a second to collect herself, dragging her thumb over him and smoothing that drop of moisture around the head of his cock before she answered him. “I want you inside me, Azriel.” 

Azriel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, two fingers tucking under her chin to lift her lips to his just as he started to slowly and carefully push into her.  

Elain had spent years of her life picturing what it would be like to fuck Azriel. 

She’d thought of him putting her on her knees, taking her from the back. She’d imagined his hand around her throat, maybe tugging at her hair. She’d thought that it’d be hard and fast and edged with a little bit of pain. Maybe she’d expected that from him because it’s what she was used to from most of the men with whom she’d shared a bed. 

What she hadn’t expected was for him to take his time with her, to treat her with such care. Azriel kept his eyes on her as he sank into her, waiting patiently for her breathing to steady as she adjusted to the stretch of him. She hadn’t expected the smooth, slow roll of his hips. Hadn’t dreamed that he’d continuously pull her closer and closer. She hadn’t ever let herself go as far as to imagine that he’d intertwine their fingers, holding her hands tight in his as he fucked her. 

Not that this could be considered fucking. Not when it felt a whole lot more like something else.

“You’re perfect. Every fucking part of you is perfect.” Azriel whispered against her lips, more to himself than her, as he thrusted into her, tearing her out of her own mind. Out of the terrifying thought that this was anything more than simply sex. He’d brought one of his knees up, allowing for a deeper angle that had her grasping at his back, her nails sharp as they dragged down his skin. 

“Azriel.” His name was all she could say and it left her mouth in three long drawn out syllables punctuated by sharp intakes of breath. It was the only word in her vocabulary as he moved within her, the head of his cock hitting that sensitive spot inside her that left her scalp and skin tingling as white hot pleasure once again coiled low and tight in her stomach. 

“I know, Lain.” He nodded. He didn’t need her to say anything else. They’d always understood each other with as little as a shared glance and so he knew that she was close. Could most likely feel the way she tensed around him. Felt the frantic way she grasped his shoulders, his hair. Could probably hear it in the keening of her voice as she begged him to go a bit harder, a little bit faster. Pleading with him to give her more.

Azriel gave her what she wanted, patiently following each of her garbled instructions as he picked up his pace. The hand that had been holding her thigh up to her chest moved in between her legs to run quick circles over her clit and Elain moaned his name over and over again, fighting to keep her eyes open through her climax so she could watch his face as he pulled out of her, his hand sliding over the length of his cock as he finished with her name on his lips. 

Azriel kissed again, long and slow, before he sat up and knelt between her legs once more. His eyes traveled slowly from her face down her body, lingering on the proof of what they’d just done decorating her stomach. 

He rubbed the back of his neck, his throat tensing as he swallowed. “You’ll be the end of me.”

…

He’d cleaned her up after,  had held her in his arms and told her little stories about Shadow’s escapades and the new pieces of jewelry he was working on. He listened as she told him about the workshops she ran at the apothecary she’d taken over and about the two twins that had become more like friends than employees since she’d hired them. 

 Elain had thought that she was in the clear, had been elated that things seemed normal, that crossing that line between them hadn’t somehow ruined everything. But she’d lulled herself into a fall sense of security because once Azriel’s eyes closed and his breathing slowed, it all hit her at once.

One minute she was silently tracing the planes of his face with her eyes as he slept and the next she was fighting back tears, her heart pounding against her chest as what could only be described as panic started to consume every bone in her body. 

The sheets felt too heavy, the scent of sex was too strong, and the sudden realisation that she could no longer pretend that her feelings for him didn’t extend far past simple friendship had her silently slipping from between his sheets and out of his bed. 

A sob wracked Elain’s body the second she was on the other side of his bedroom door, stark naked in his upstairs hallway. She moved quickly, grabbing her dress from where she’d discarded it earlier in the heat of the moment. She slipped it over her head, tugging it down to cover herself before scrambling down the stairs. She stopped in the kitchen to collect her phone and her bag, ignoring the forgotten slice of pie on the counter. Shadow lifted her head from her bed by the Christmas tree in the living room, those all-knowing eyes bearing into Elain’s soul as she quickly slid on her boots and closed the front door.  

There were no Ubers available at this hour, no cabs in the vicinity. She couldn’t call her sisters. Definitely couldn’t call their husbands. Elain had no choice but to walk the hour back to Feyre and Rhys’ home in a too short dress and no coat because she’d left it in his house along with her underwear and her dignity. 

The sun was just beginning to rise when she finally reached her destination, exhaustion settling deep in her bones as she trudged up the icy walkway. There were blisters on the back of her heels from where her boots rubbed against her feet as she walked. She unlocked the door with her borrowed key, quietly shutting it behind her with the intention of going straight upstairs and crying in the shower where she would attempt to regain feeling in her body.

“What the hell happened to you?” Elain turned to find Nesta sitting in an armchair in front of the fireplace. Her gray eyes widened as she took in Elain’s appearance.

Fuck. 

Elain was still sobbing, trails of hot tears rapidly falling over her frozen cheeks. There was snow in her hair and on her clothes, leaving her a miserable, wet mess as it melted. 

“Elain?” Feyre appeared on her other side, most likely coming back to this room from the kitchen. Her arms wrapped around Elain’s shoulders, quickly steering her towards the chair opposite Nesta. “ What happened? Did you walk here?” 

“I…” Elain collapsed into the chair. Feyre scurried around, quickly finding a thick blanket and tucking it around her trembling sister. “I messed up.” 

“What do you mean?” Nesta asked, deep lines of concern formed on her forehead. “Weren’t you just with Az?” 

Elain sobbed harder at the mention of his name. 

“Is he okay? Why didn’t he bring you home?” Feyre knelt in front of her, her hands gripping Elain’s arms. 

“I… we…” Elain tried to calm herself down, to force air into her lungs. “I’ve ruined it.”

“You’re not making any sense, El. What do you mean you ruined it?” Nesta asked again, voice firm but hushed. 

“I had sex with Azriel.”  Elain buried her face in her hands, meaning to avoid seeing her sister’s reactions but because she couldn’t help herself, Elain removed her hands and raised her bloodshot eyes just in time to see the fleeting look of surprised amusement her sisters exchanged before their eyes were back on her.

It was Nesta that eventually  motioned with her hand, wordlessly prompting Elain to explain herself.

“We were just talking and then he asked if I wanted some pie and he had a bit of cream on the corner of his mouth so I kissed him. It was just a peck, but then he kissed me and it… wasn’t just a peck.” Elain explained, words spilling from her mouth as she nervously wrung her hands. “And then one thing led to another and we did what we did and he fell asleep and I was looking at him and then my heart started pounding and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack so I left.”

“You just left?” Nesta stared at Elain, dumbfounded. “No note? No text?” 

“I didn’t even stop to find my underwear, Nesta. Do you think I left a note?” Elain snapped. 

“This isn’t necessarily bad, Elain.” Feyre bit her cheek. “I mean, I think I’m mostly surprised the two of you haven’t hooked up before this.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah,” Nesta chimed in. “You guys were always together. Constantly sneaking off together… you weren’t seriously just out for a drive or a walk all those times?”

“And the way he looks at you! I mean, come on, El…” Feyre cut in before Elain had a chance to tell Nesta that she and Azriel really had just been out for quiet drives and walks. That they hadn’t exchanged much more than a hug in all these years. 

“Oh my god!” Nesta’s eyes went wide as she turned to face Feyre. “Do you remember my wedding video? The way he looked at her when she came down the aisle!”

“And when they danced!” Feyre added in, her smile widening. 

“Cass and I swore that they’d gone home together that night when we watched it back.”

“Jesus. Stop.” Elain tossed the blanket off of her lap and stood up as fresh tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. She couldn’t take any more of this. Couldn’t stand to listen to her sisters rehash a list of moments that she herself had taken careful measures to repress. “I have to go.”

“Yeah, maybe you should get some rest.” Feyre nodded. “You’ve had a big night and you’re overwhelmed but it’ll be fine. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“No,” Elain shook her head. “I have to go. I can’t be here.”

“Elain,” Nesta rose, Feyre tailing her as the two girls followed Elain as she made a beeline for the stairs. “You’re completely overreacting. Just take a few deep breaths and everything -” 

“I don’t want to fucking meditate, Nesta. I want to go home.” Elain turned to face them, only to see twin expressions of shock on her sister’s faces at the result of her outburst. 

Elain closed her eyes for a second before she continued, attempting to keep her voice as level and calm as possible. “He’s my best friend and I’ve ruined it. I can’t be here. I can’t be in this town. I can’t see him. I just need to go.” 

“El…” Feyre reached for Elain’s shoulder but she maneuvered out of her grasp. 

“Please don’t tell the boys.” She whispered quietly, glancing between her sisters - letting them see the desperation in her eyes. 

They both exchanged concerned looks but ultimately nodded, silently promising that this would stay between the three of them. Elain muttered a thank you, tears steadily sliding down her cheeks, before she turned around and made her way upstairs to quickly shower and pack her back.

Two hours later, she was at the airport and booking the first available flight back home. 

The first thing she did when she got back to her apartment, after wearily collapsing into her bed, was pick up her phone and open a text thread that had sat ignored for a couple weeks now.

Hey! I’m back in town - you free this week?

[bookstaninthesoul]

Everywhere, Everything: Chapter One

Chapter Summary: When he wakes up alone in bed, Azriel is left to consider the events of the night he'd spent with Elain as well as how they'd ended up in bed together in the first place.

Word Count: 2.8K

A/N: If you've been following along on my WIP Wednesdays, you'd know this fic is a long time coming. I am very nervous but very excited to start getting this out. Thank you to everyone that's been hyping up all the puzzle pieces I've shared over the past couple of months. The next chapter should be up next week if everything goes to plan.

ENJOY XX

Read on AO3

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She’ll break your heart, Az. 

It had started as a joke - a firm hand clasped on his shoulder as Rhys grimaced and told him to please, for the love of God, stay away from Elain when Azriel had quietly enquired about the middle Archeron sister after seeing her for the first time all those years ago.

Azriel wasn’t quite sure how it had come to be that he and Cassian had found themselves doing manual labor early on that Sunday morning when it was Rhys that had been trying to impress the father of his new girlfriend. Nevertheless, he’d ended up on the roof of an unfamiliar house, shirtless and sweating under the blistering morning sun as he helped Cassian fix a few broken tiles on the roof of the Archeron family home while Rhysand watched from the ground, shouting up instructions that Cassian and Azriel both chose to ignore.

He’d been mid eye-roll, watching his friend preen in the reflection of a window, twisting this way and that to flex the muscles in his abdomen just right when the gauzy curtains of the window they were stood in front of parted and Azriel caught his very first glimpse of Elain Archeron. 

She’d stared at them in shock, bleary eyes widening slightly as her gaze flickered between the two men standing directly outside her bedroom window. Cassian, having met her already a few weeks ago, had given her a bright smile and a wave and then quickly disappeared, leaving Azriel standing still as night as he continued to stare at the girl staring back at him.

Those big brown eyes of hers had flickered down to his bare chest for a fleeting moment before they were back on his face. His own eyes had quickly traveled over her in turn. He catalogued the bare legs, the little white pajama bottoms that were dotted with what looked to be tiny roses just barely skimmed the very tops of her thighs. The thin white straps of the matching tank top were stark against her lightly tanned shoulders and her hair was a tousled crown of chestnut waves that framed her pretty face. 

Azriel had only just remembered where he was, had only just realised that he was a stranger standing on a roof and staring into the bedroom of a girl who clearly had no idea that she’d be waking up to two idiots on her roof that morning. He’d only just come back to his senses enough to sheepishly raise his hand and wave to her when the curtains were yanked shut and all he could see was the shadow of her frantically ducking out of view.

She’d avoided him that entire day. Wouldn’t even look him in the eyes as they sat across the table from each other at lunch. Hadn’t said a single word to him other than a whispered thank you when he insisted on helping her clear the dining table. They were such limited interactions and yet Azriel hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her and couldn’t help himself when he nonchalantly brought her up as he drove Rhys and Cassian back to the apartment they had all shared at the time. 

That had been the first time Rhys had delivered his warning but it certainly hadn’t been the last.

Rhys had said that she would break his heart but Azriel had always seen that comment for exactly what it was which was nothing less than a thinly veiled warning, a polite way of Rhys telling Azriel to stay away from his girlfriend’s sister as if she’d be the one to ruin him when they both knew what kind of track record Azriel had with women. It was Rhys’ roundabout way of letting him know that Elain was the type of girl with her head on her shoulders, the type of girl that preferred a steady relationship while Azriel had never had much interest in maintaining anything more than a rotation of regular, no strings attached acquaintances. 

Azriel had laughed off the warning each time but it had stuck with him and he knew deep down that even though he’d never felt that sort of instant draw to someone else before, he’d never be good enough for Elain. Still, even armed with that knowledge that she was so far out of his league, he couldn’t bring himself to stay away and Azriel had inevitably found himself finding any excuse to be around Elain in those first few months.

It had all started innocently enough - timid looks and shy conversations in those early days when they found themselves spending more and more time together after it had become clear that Rhys and Feyre were in it for the long haul. That time had only increased after Nesta had finally broken down and admitted that she liked having Cassian around for more than just sex. Numbers were exchanged, casual hangouts were planned, and Elain had opened up to him slowly but surely - various facets of her personality unfurling as the months and years went by and she grew increasingly comfortable in his presence. 

Rhys had continued to deliver that warning all the while -  each and every time he caught Azriel looking at Elain for a little too long, laughing a little too loud at her jokes. Each time the two of them snuck away for a drive or a walk around the garden for a moment of quiet amidst all the noise. All those times they’d stayed up together after everyone else had gone god knows where to do god knows what and Rhys would come downstairs early in the morning to see his friend fast asleep on the couch, the plush blanket Elain favored carefully draped and tucked around Azriel’s body. 

Rhys had reminded him again, one last time, before he’d left the two of them alone together just last night but Azriel had waved him off just like he had every other time the warning had been delivered to him because he’d never expected to actually have to heed it. Not after all these years. Not when nothing had ever happened between them apart from a lingering hug or a kiss on the cheek. Not when Elain had always been with some boy or another the entire time he’d known her. Even though she spent at least a couple evenings of the week on a couch with Azriel, her feet in his lap as they caught up on their days. 

She was his friend. One of his best friends. Elain had called him that a few times over the years and it had made his heart swell with boy joy and disappointment because while he’d never admit it, her choosing him in any way - deeming him her best friend - meant the world to him. 

He was good friends with Feyre and he had a strong bond with Nesta built on a mutual understanding of their similar personalities, but Elain had been different from the beginning. That initial attraction of his towards Elain had morphed into something else entirely as he got to know her and then before he knew it, she’d become one of the most important people in his life. 

It’s why he’d decided to sit down and make her that necklace just a few years into knowing her even though he’d never once before made a piece for a friend in all the years he’d been making and selling jewelry in his spare time. 

Azriel had taken his time with that necklace, meticulously hammering out the gold until it was exactly the right shape. He’d carefully engraved a delicate rose into the front of the small pendant, fashioned after a picture she’d sent him of a rose that she’d grown. And then, because he was never able to help himself, he had added the tiniest ‘A’ to the back of the gold oval.

It had satisfied some small part of him to offer that necklace to her on her birthday. To know that something he’d made with his own two hands specifically for her would rest against her skin. He’d never forget the unfiltered joy that had spread across her entire face when she opened the box.  H’ed never forget how eagerly she’d turned and lifted her hair so that he could fasten the chain around her neck. 

He’d certainly never forget the way she’d turned back towards him after he’d secured the clasp, one of her hands clutching the pendant while the other pressed gently against the side of his neck as she raised up on the tips of her toes to press a kiss to his cheek that was so different from any friendly kiss they’d exchanged as a greeting or a goodbye in the years before. 

It was the first of those moments. The beginning of instances that were few and far between in which Azriel allowed himself to believe that maybe the affection he felt for her may actually be mutual.

There’d been a handful of those almosts over the years since that night of her birthday. Moments in which Azriel thought that Elain had wanted him to lean in, to kiss her. To take the hand that seemed to live in the space above her knee whenever they were sat next to each other and slide it higher up her thigh. There were times he wanted to stay back a little longer, follow her upstairs at the end of the night instead of heading back to his own home.

He’s caught her looking at him a time or ten. Saw the jealousy that lit in her eyes when one of his idiot friends thought it appropriate to bring up the girls he’d taken home over the years in casual conversation. Girls he never saw for more than a night or two every few weeks. Girls that never really even made it further than the couch in his living room if they even made it into his house to begin with. 

It had never made sense to him, that quiet jealousy that radiated from her. Not when she had always been with someone in the time he’d known her. Although he certainly hadn’t missed that despite those boys that she kept around for a year or two before moving on to the next, it was always his necklace strung around her neck. Even when one of those boys had gifted her a pretty necklace dotted with tiny pearls as a Christmas gift, Azriel had been shamefully delighted that it had never even made it out of the jewelry box on her dressing table.

But because things never went quite right for him, all those stolen moments had come to an abrupt halt after Elain’s father had unexpectedly passed away a few months ago. 

His calls and texts had all gone ignored for a few excruciating weeks after the funeral and he’d panicked one night after he couldn’t take the silence anymore, driving to her house only to find her kneeling in the garden and hastily pulling up weeds in the dark. Her hands had been covered in countless cuts and scrapes - some new, some already scarred over - an indication that it hadn’t been the first night she’d spent taking out her emotions in the garden. 

Azriel had silently guided her inside, set her on the powder room counter and carefully cleaned and bandaged her wounds. When she’d finally broken the silence and whispered that she couldn’t bear to be in the house alone, Azriel had found himself sharing her bed and holding her close as she cried herself to sleep. It had continued like that for an entire fortnight, tears  gradually easing with each day that passed until one night she’d looked at him with something other than sadness in her eyes. He hadn’t known what to do when her fingers slid under his shirt, her lips hot against his neck. But she’d paused and pulled back at the exact second he opened his mouth and said her name in a questioning tone, turning her back to him and shuffling to the corner of the bed. It was a moment that ended just as quickly as it had started and while they hadn’t spoken of it since, Azriel had never forgotten. 

He had each and every one of those touches and glances carefully stored away in the back of his mind. It was a never ending rolodex of examples of the way the line between them had slowly started to erode with time until only the faintest streak remained. 

That line had been completely obliterated last night -  initially smudged when she’d walked into his house in a dress that clung to each and every curve in a way that made him want to bite his fist like a goddamn cartoon character and then it had been erased from existence a few hours later with the slightest press of her lips to the very corner of his mouth. 

He certainly hadn’t expected the turn of events but it had all happened so seamlessly. It had all felt so right.

He’d been happy to see that line go, thrilled to fall asleep without a single thing between them - his arm slung heavily around her bare waist, her fingertips delicately tracing patterns over the sharp line of his jaw.

Azriel had awoken this morning with a small, satisfied smile on his face and the heady taste of her still lingering on his tongue. He reached across the bed, eyes still closed, fingertips seeking out the smooth skin that he’d memorized every inch of last night. His smile faltered when he came up empty - one eye peeking open only to find cold, crumpled sheets and an empty space where Elain should’ve been. 

He shut his eyes, turning onto his back and pressing the heel of his palms tight against his eyes as he counted to sixty. 

It was something he’d done as a child - squeezing his eyes shut as hard as he could stand as he counted a full minute in his head, desperately hoping and praying that the scars that covered his hands would disappear after the minute was up and he opened his eyes. But just like his scars had remained in place each and every time he deluded himself into believing that his trick would work, he hadn’t been able to use sheer will to make Elain appear safe and sound in his bed again. 

Azriel knew immediately, without a shadow of doubt, that Elain had left. He knew how things had ended the last time things had gotten a little too intimate between them. That had only been a heated look at a vulnerable time in her life and it had sent her running off across the country so he dreaded to think what the events of last night would result in. 

Still, he begrudgingly sat up and looked around for signs that maybe she hadn’t actually left. That maybe she’d just gone to the bathroom or that she was just downstairs making coffee and keeping his dog company. But his house was quiet. The only audible sounds were the subtle ticking of a clock and the soft howl of the winter wind as it rattled his bedroom windows. 

He thought back, searching for signs that would explain her sudden disappearance. If it wasn’t for the light smears of dark red lipstick across his chest - his hips - he might’ve thought he’d dreamt the whole damn thing. But it hadn’t been a dream. She’d been here. In his bed. The intoxicating scent of her perfume still lingered on his sheets. 

A sense of dread filled him as he considered that maybe he’d crossed a line, taken something that she hadn’t offered. But he knew that wasn’t right. All he could remember was the affirmative words, the sureness of her hands. The way she’d asked, begged him for more. The way she’d grasped at his skin, tugging him closer and closer until there wasn’t even a slip of empty space left in between them. 

She’d wanted it. She’d wanted him. Just as much as he’d wanted her. 

It’d been dangerous to get close to her to begin with, even just as friends. Letting her know him was a level of intimacy he usually avoided because it left him open to a world of hurt if things went south but he’d been too far gone last night to even chastise himself for the thoughts that were better suited to a teenage boy. Too distracted by the feel of her throat under his lips to wonder if it was a mistake to be touching her at all. 

And now that they’d done everything they’d avoided all these years and he’d found himself alone with the sun shining bright in his room, highlighting the empty space beside him, he was afraid that maybe Rhysand had been right all along.

[bookstaninthesoul]

Cheap Alcohol and Ruined Sleep

Pairings: Elriel/Feysand/Nessian

Summary: Cass and Rhys make regretful 'college student' choices. Az is homicidal. The sisters' night is ruined with them having to help play babysitter. Nesta is annoying. Feyre is tired. Elain is trying to help Az keep his sanity.

Warning: Modern college AU.

Words: 2.4k

Characters: ACOTAR; Sarah J Mass.

~~~~~

“Huh?”

Elain sat up in her bed with a frown, resting the book she’d been reading on her nightstand. The furrow of her brows deepened when she saw what time her clock displayed. Another knock was heard from across the small apartment she shared with her sisters, both peacefully asleep in their own rooms.

Pushing away the glaring screen of her laptop displaying the assignment she’d been working on for the past few hours, she climbed out of her bed and padded out of her room and towards the entry door, wondering who it might be this late at night.

She curled her fingers around the knob and pulled open the door only to be greeted with a sight that surprised her but also didn’t at the same time. “Azriel?”

Hazel eyes like sunsets and autumn leaves and spring trees shot up to meet hers, a weariness to them that made her eyebrows rise as she asked, “What’s wrong?”

With all the seriousness of the world, Azriel questioned, “Would you, by any chance, have some chloroform lying around?” As if that were the most normal thing to ask, and not at all concerning.

“Umm…” Elain blinked up at him, taking in his disheveled raven hair falling onto his forehead and his wrinkled white tee and black sweats and the slight redness to his eyes along with the circles underneath. “Az, why would you need chloroform at two in the morning?”

So monotonous in his reply, it genuinely surprised Elain as he spoke, “I plan on using it on Cassian and Rhysand and then I’m going to drag them out and load them into my truck to go dump them in a shallow ditch somewhere faraway so that I can finally be rid of them and get at least one good night’s sleep.”

“Huh.” Elain stared up at him in the dim light of the silent hallway with her lips parted. Her eyes flicked to the door behind Azriel almost as if she could see the other two men inside. “And what are they up to this time around to get you so worked up?”

Before Azriel could even open his mouth to answer, a disturbingly loud bang of someone’s body slamming into a wall sounded, followed by muffled cries of curses, startling Elain.

A moment later, the door to the apartment opposite Elain’s, that Azriel shared with his brothers, swung open and out came two very drunk and very clumsy men who just so happened to be said brothers and Elain’s question was answered without Azriel having to say a word. Azriel groaned out a series of colorful choice words while burying his face into his hands.

“Lainy!” Cassian gasped as he rushed towards her, face flushed and eyes droopy, and squeezed her in a hug that lifted her off her feet and almost made her lose the ability breathe.

“Oh God, Cass, put me down, please,” she wheezed out, repeatedly tapping against Cassian’s shoulder.

“Put her down, you idiot. You’re suffocating her, for fuck’s sake.” Azriel rubbed at his temples, already over having to babysit two grown adults who were acting like children.

Elain took in a deep breath the instant Cassian let go off her. With a hand to her chest and wide eyes, Elain could only watch as Cass barged right into the girls’ apartment, slamming the door against the wall in the process with a very loud ‘Nes!’ on his way. Nesta was so going to kill him when she woke up. And she most definitely had woken up by now. Elain just knew it. Feyre had most likely too.

“Hiya, ‘Lain,” Rhysand slurred with a drunken smile and ruffled her hair clumsily before joining Cass, murmuring if his ‘Feyre darling, love of my life’ was awake.

She slowly turned to the third person who was currently busy glaring daggers at his brothers while massaging temples a little too hard. Az turned his attention back at her with an apologetic look. “Sorry for ruining your night as well.”

“No need to apologize, even though I would’ve much preferred a quiet night,” Elain murmured out the last part under her breath as she rubbed her palms against the sides of her pajama-covered thighs. “Just…why are they drunk on a weeknight anyway?”

“Cass came home with some cheap alcohol to celebrate the fact that he passed in a test he was sure he’d fail. Managed to rope Rhys in as well, somehow.”

“Dear God…Nesta is going to be so pissed,” Elain groaned.

“I know,” Azriel sighed.

As if she’d been summoned by her name, the door to the room next to Elain’s flung open to reveal a murderous Nesta, blue-grey eyes shimmering with rage as she took in the scene—Cassian conveying something absolutely incoherent to Rhysand while the two sat on or more like threw their weights onto the living room couch that looked way too small beneath the two large men.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Nesta snapped.

The door beside Nesta’s opened as well, though a lot slower this time around, and Feyre stepped out with her hair in disarray, rubbing her eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Nes!” Cassian all but cried out as he jumped up from the couch and Elain winced at the way Nesta’s eyes narrowed on him.

“You. What the fuck are you doing here at this time?” Nesta demanded, steel voice sharp like knives.

“I missed you, Nes!” Cass was going to get himself killed.

“Rhys, why are you here at two in the morning?” Feyre, though clearly annoyed at being woken up so rudely, was comparatively calmer than their older sister.

Rhys, suddenly standing in front of Feyre now with his hands cupping her face, only grinned at her lopsidedly. “I—I’m so drunk, Feyre darling.”

“I can see that. Why are you drunk?”

Rhys shrugged, though it was difficult to tell with all the swaying he was doing, unable to hold his own weight. “Cass—Cassian he…” God, he could barely get the words out. Elain didn’t know how Feyre managed to keep a straight face. “H—He made me drink.” Was he actually pouting?

“I so did not!” Cass, not yet so far gone, protested with an overly dramatic gasp and slapped a hand over his chest rather too loudly. “You wound me with your lies right here, in my very heart, Rhysand!”

“Shut your trap, you idiot!” Nesta hissed, clearly still very grumpy while Rhys flipped Cass off and threw back a “Like I give a fuck.”

“Oh, my god. Someone kill me,” Az murmured.

 “Let’s…” Elain blinked, turning away from the shitshow currently taking place in her living room. She made sure the guys’ apartment door was closed before gently pulling Azriel into the girl’s apartment, closing the door behind them. “It’s better if the neighbors don’t hear them.”

“Yeah. Wouldn’t want they at our necks with noise complains in the morning.”

“This escalated a little too quickly,” Elain commented, looking back at the scene and feeling Az rest his forehead on top of her head.

���Hmm. Tell me about it,” he grumbled. Elain only patted his disheveled hair.

Nesta was out of her room now, busy threatening Cassian’s family jewels while he only smiled down at her lazily. Feyre was still handling Rhys, listening to his ramblings. It was a chaotically wholesome and hilarious scene and Elain wanted to capture it in her memory to laugh recalling it come morning when she knew there would be many regrets coming from the two drunken men.

“Don’t you have an early class tomorrow?” Elain asked Azriel, making sure to keep her voice low.

“I do.”

“Reason why you’re contemplating homicide?”

“You know me so well, flower.”

“Um-hm. You might just have to skip, unfortunately.”

Azriel only groaned and then proceeded to curse the fuck out of his brothers’ bloodlines under his breath. “I might just have them sleep on their backs tonight, just in case. Wanna come help me prove my innocence when the cops arrive?”

“Azriel!” Elain gasped, eyes wide and all.

“Kidding. Kidding.” A beat passed. “Or am I?”

“Alright, none of you are leaving this apartment until those two sober up.”

“There you go spilling unnecessary water on all my plans of peace and freedom, flower.”

“Well, forgive me for not wanting you to get locked up for familicide.”

“Whatever would I do without you, love?”

“Probably something morally questionable and self-hazardous.”

“Hmm.” He finally lifted his head to see how much the shitshow had progressed.

Cass slung his arm around Nesta’s shoulders, either not registering or blatantly ignoring the daggers she was shooting at him with her heated glare. “Did you fall out of a vending machine, Nes?”

“What?” Nesta scrunched up her nose, arms crossed across her chest, though made no move to throw Cassian’s arm off her shoulder. She probably sensed he’d fall right on his ass and hurt himself if she did.

“Because you’re one hell of a snack,” Cass smirked, looking very much pleased with his shitty-worse-than-an-amateur flirting skills.

Nesta blinked at him, looking very unsure if she wanted to smack him or get him some help. “What is wrong with you, honestly?”

“Nes! Nes, are you an edible? ‘Cause I’d eat you right up.” Cassian wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively, a shit-eating grin pulling at his lips. It was all far too painful to watch.

“Oh, my god, that was so bad it makes me want to kick you in the nuts,” Nesta stated, cringing. Though, amusement, just a tiny speck in her eyes, gave her away.

“But you still wanna kick me in the balls. Me. You want to fuck me so bad, it’s so obvious.” Talk about delusional.

Azriel wondered what past sins he’d committed that were so atrocious that he was being punished for them like this. He wanted to be taken out. Preferably quickly and at that very moment.

Nesta looked at Az then. “Just what type of blasted shit is he on? Did he snort something or what?”

“Cheap alcohol does that to him,” Az replied with a withering glare at Cass who was busy trying to get Nesta’s attention back on him.

Rhys on the other hand… “Feyre darling, I’m the most handsome, aren’t I?” he slurred his words, arms tightly wrapped around Feyre’s waist and face buried deep into her neck.

Feyre just hummed, stroking her fingers through his hair and rubbing gentle circles on his back. “Sure are, you big baby,” she drawled with a smile, affectionate humor sparkling in her blue-grey eyes.

“And you’re even more pretty, Feyre darling. You’re the prettiest,” he went on.

“Um-hm.”

Not even giving her a chance to open her mouth again, he continued, voice muffled and childish, “And I won you over with my glamourous wit and charm…” and on and on he went and Feyre let him, content in just babying the grown-ass man.

“It’s a good thing Mor isn’t here to join in with them,” Elain joked as she watched everything unfold.

“I’d have thrown myself out of the nearest window if I had to babysit her as well,” Azriel deadpanned from behind her, dead eyes glaring with murderous intent.

Elain leaned back into his chest and patted his cheek considerately, shaking her head gently with a smile that conveyed both pity and amusement. It was a good thing Mor was away on a field trip.

On that note…“What of Amren?” Their senior probably wouldn’t have been of much help either but still.

“Busy with Varian, as usual. She probably would’ve chewed everyone up for even thinking about disturbing her quality time.”

Elain huffed out a laugh. “Definitely.” Straightening back up, she sighed, a small smile still on her face. “Alright. Let’s go help them before Nesta actually kills Cassian or poor Feyre gets crushed under Rhys with all the weight he’s putting on her.”

“Eh… I’ve got an even better idea. How about we sneak back to my apartment and let those two deal with their drunk men.”

“Az...”

“…”

“Azriel.”

“…fine.” He let out a long suffered sigh. “Just ‘cause you asked nicely, flower.”

“Good.” Elain shook her head with her smile still intact and physically pulled Az with her to deal with their respective siblings’ antics.

“Come on, Rhys. Get off me. You’re heavy.”

“But Feyre darling…”

“We’ll both fall!”

“Cassian, I love you but I’ll seriously chop your dick off if you don’t stop with the cheesy pick-up lines.”

“I thought they were working!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Azriel, come get your brother!”

“Why do I have to put up with this shit?”

“Elain! Help me with Rhys, please!”

“Dear God…”

~~~~~

It seemed that in the midst of chaos, no one was actually able to return back to their designated spaces. At some point, everyone had found a spot to fall asleep in the girls’ living room itself, though their backs were sure to be disagreeable with when they were to finally wake up.

Cassian ended up falling asleep on the floor with one foot on the couch, snoring loudly. Nesta was right there with him, her head cushioned on Cassian’s stomach as she slept soundly, not paying any mind to the rumbling under her head.

Rhysand and Feyre were a few feet away, both on the floor as well, all cuddled up with each other. Rhys had a hand wrapped loosely around Feyre’s waist, curling up against her as they both slept facing each other, legs intertwined and all.

Azriel and Elain slept leaning against the couch. Or more like Az with his back against the couch as he sprawled out on the floor with Elain’s back against his chest as she slept curled between his legs. Head tucked under Azriel’s chin, Elain was all but glued to his front with his arms resting circled around her shoulders.

All were in awkward positions and yet all were deep asleep. Completely and utterly relaxed. Alarms were missed, classes were skipped and assignments were left forgotten and incomplete.

Although, there was a ton of grumbling and groaning and cursing when everyone finally came to. Especially from the two who were miserably hungover and regretting their life choices. They did get quite an earful and a few particular choice words each from the others who did not take it easy on them for fucking up their sleep with their drunken escapades.

~~~~~

Wanted to try writing about all three couples and not just elriel tho this is still kinda elriel centric I just can't seem to help myself 🫠

[bookstaninthesoul]

Pairing: Elriel Rating: E Words: ~2.4k Tags: A/B/O Dynamics, Omegaverse, Dubious Consent, Knotting, In Heat/Mating Cycles, Modern AU, Sister’s Boyfriend’s Best Friend Azriel, Omega Elain, Alpha Azriel Summary: When Elain goes into a breakthrough heat in the wake of a messy breakup from Graysen Nolan and calls her big sister for help, there’s only one alpha for the job: Nesta’s friend Azriel.

Read the first chapter on AO3 now! Snippet below the cut.

When the knock finally comes, Elain Archeron is a mess.

A whining, trembling mess.

She’s clinging to her sanity by a thread, and she’s close. 

So damn close. 

The hand buried between her slick-drenched thighs doesn’t so much as pause. She ignores the knock and circles her clit again, arching her hips up off the bed as she chases her pleasure recklessly. Her body is on fire, from the scorching heat in her cheeks to the aching tips of her breasts, and she needs more. 

More.

More. 

With her free hand, she digs blindly through in her nightstand, searching for the only sex toy she owns.

She could kill herself for tucking it away in the back. For hiding it in a box with her stretched out hair elastics and twisted bobby pins and a mostly-empty tube of lotion.

A voice in the back of her mind that sounds like Nesta’s spits, Fucking Graysen. 

That’s what Elain got for dating a knothead like Graysen Nolan—an alpha who proposed with a hideous pearl-and-diamond ring when he knew Elain hated pearls, who made concerned noises about the damage heat suppressants would do to her body until she tossed that little packet of pills in the trash, who encouraged her to do the same to the small stash of knotted omega toys she bought in college because the only knot Elain needed was her Alpha’s…

Who lasted just one miserable, unsatisfying heat before he found an omega with a more enticing scent.

He even had the nerve to ask her to give the ring back.

Fucking Graysen. 

The knock sounds again, three firm raps on the front door of her small apartment. The knife’s-edge of her orgasm is gone, ruined by the mere thought of her ex, and Elain lets her frustration guide her as she shouts in the general direction of the front of her tiny studio apartment.

It’s something along the lines of Go away! or I’m not home! or Alpha, please, need a knot, Alpha, Alpha, Alpha— 

She can’t exactly remember, because her aching cunt clenches around nothing and her hand slaps down on the silicone knot at the back of her drawer in the same moment.

“Oh, thank the gods,” she gasps.

——— Keep reading on AO3.

[bookstaninthesoul]

I Do Bad Things with You - Part 45

Back again, with a doozy of an update. I recommend grabbing a snack for this one. You'll be here for a while. 😅 This update does feature a torture session, so mind the trigger warnings. Only four parts and an epilogue left! Hope you like it! 💜💙💚

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault , language, NSFW

Word Count: 11,274

Three days later, Emerie had the adoption process in full swing. Elain wouldn’t lie, having a multi-millionaire husband made people work fast. What should’ve taken weeks (or months to be honest) to get through, only took two days. They would be taking Kaden home that night for the first time so he could get settled, and would remain with them throughout the adoption process.

The hospital approved him to stay in the ICU in the meantime to avoid having to place him in a temporary foster home, a perk of her job, and having the chief of surgery vouch for her. Elain had been worried that with an unfamiliar place, his now-healing arm in a cast, and his fear of people, would negatively impact him. The hospital board agreed—though Elain assuring them that she and Azriel would pay for the board in full probably did something to help sway their decision. She understood why hospitals had boards for making decisions, but sometimes she thought they cared more about the money than their patients.

Azriel had taken the last two days off of work to prepare the spare bedroom for their newest addition—Elain helping to the best of her ability when she got off. Due to Kaden’s small size, he also needed a booster seat that was meant for somebody younger than him. She hoped that it wouldn’t be long before they got him to a healthier weight and could put him in something more appropriate for his age.

They still hadn’t told their family, wanting to wait till after they got the approval from social services when they completed their adoption interviews the following month, but they did let the Moonbeam twins know, seeing as they would be carting him and her to work most days. Kaden was going to temporarily join the daycare group at the hospital until they got him into school. Unfortunately, the year had already started, and they were elbow-deep in research for the best ones in the area to enroll him in as soon as possible.

With the twins expected in four months, and now Kaden, it also meant they had to move—the penthouse no longer serving them and their growing family. Azriel had been in touch with his realtor to get the process started, and she hoped they had a new place and time to settle before the twins were born.

Her husband had some very specific requests for their new home security-wise, and she couldn’t disagree with any of his suggestions. They were going to lose the safety the penthouse provided with combo locks and front lobby staff twenty-four-seven. The first thing Az had requested was something gated, preferably away from others, and large enough to host their entire family in spare bedrooms. He would be able to add in the additional security, but this was the foundation of what they were searching for.

To put it lightly, they were running around like crazy trying to get things in order.

Elain was eternally grateful for her husband who could drop everything to take care of things. Perks of being the CEO, she chuckled to herself. He was going to meet her here later on that evening to pick her and Kaden up, wanting to be the one to bring him to the penthouse for the first time.

Finding that Kaden loved being read to, they had already put together a full bookshelf in his bedroom filled with books of various sizes and reading levels, along with too many stuffed animals, a boatload of other toys, and, of course, clothing. They had stocked up on items for him to last through the next year, even with the possibility of him growing.

Elain was sitting next to his hospital bed, reading him a story about giving a mouse a cookie. She was nowhere near the level of enthusiasm that Azriel had provided when he read “The Three Little Pigs” the other day, but Kaden was enamored by her nonetheless.

A commotion at the children’s ICU front desk caught her attention and she glanced up to find a man in a suit shouting at the nurses, looking agitated, furious, and threatening.

She knew who it was immediately, snatching her phone from the front pocket of her scrubs and shooting a text to the Moonbeam twins.

SOS. Children’s ICU level 3. Now.

Her fingers stroked Kaden’s plump cheek. “I’ll be right back,” she whispered, setting the book down on her chair and striding from the room. Elain closed the curtains, shielding Kaden from view before sliding the glass door shut.

But it was too late. He had seen her and the boy and was stalking his way over to them.

Elain’s back straightened as she lifted her chin, meeting him head-on just outside the room.

“Give me my son,” he snarled.

“You mean the boy that has been here for three days and you’re just now coming to claim?”

He flicked his hand, far too close to her face for comfort but she refused to flinch. “I’m here to collect him.”

Elain’s anger flared, but she reined it in, not wanting to give him more of a reason to react violently. “If you want him, you will have to go through child protective services. Because I am not releasing him to you.”

His tanned skin flushed at her comment, his rage rising to meet her challenge. “He is my son—”

“Blood doesn’t make you a father,” she snapped.

Those green eyes took her in, narrowing to slits. “You’re the bitch trying to steal him from me.”

The breath rushed from her lungs. How did he know they were trying to adopt him?

Lorenzo’s mouth curled up in the corner with a cruel smile. “Move, the fuck, out of my way.”

He shifted to his left and she countered, stepping to her right. “No.”

His gaze snatched down her body, taking in her swollen stomach before returning to her face. “If you don’t move, I’ll make you regret it.”

Elain’s heart pounded in her chest, but like hell was she letting him anywhere near her son. Kaden was hers and Azriel’s and this pathetic excuse of a man wasn’t ever getting near him again. “Touch me and I can guarantee you’ll be in a body bag by the end of the week,” she breathed. In her peripheral, she saw Fenrys and Connall jog from the elevator, spotting her across the room. Elain swung her eyes back on Lorenzo’s face. “You’re nothing but an abusive monster and if you want to try and take him, you’ll have to go through me.”

The man swung, palm open to crack across her face.

But a golden-tanned hand snatched it around his wrist, halting him just inches from her cheek, the breeze fluttering the loose hairs over her ear.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Fenrys deep voice purred. “Her husband wouldn’t like it.” Though he sounded amused and wore a slight smirk on his face, Elain saw the darkening of his eyes. A cold look of a predator waiting to pounce.

Connall wore a similar mask, standing so close to Lorenzo’s other side that any large breath would have his chest brushing against his shoulder.

Both males had become not just good friends of hers, but rather protective too. Even more so since they found out she was pregnant. She knew that with them there, Kaden’s father couldn’t touch her.

Lorenzo glanced down at her name badge, pinned to the front pocket of her scrub top at her waist. His eyes widened in surprise as he took in that hyphenated last name.

Archeron-Knight.

Only a fool wouldn’t recognize that name, and if she was correct in her assumptions about who this man was or whom he worked for, then she knew he’d know immediately who her husband was.

She saw the recognition flash across his face; the hint of fear too before he quickly tried to cover it up with a sneer.

Elain wanted to slap the scorn off his face, but she settled on using her words instead. “Unless you get clearance from social services, you are hereby banned from entering this hospital and trying to reach Kaden. If you step foot in that lobby, I’ll be sure to have you thrown out.”

His nostrils flared furiously, but before he could respond, she looked at Fenrys and nodded toward the exit behind them. “Get him out of here.”

Connall gripped his other arm as they lugged him away, curse words falling from his lips faster than she could hear them.

Her heart raced beneath her ribcage at how close it came. He would’ve hit her to get to her boy had the twins not interfered. But Elain would’ve taken it if it meant protecting the little one behind her. Taking a few steadying breaths to slow her heart rate, she turned and slipped back into Kaden’s hospital room.

He was still awake, green and hazel eyes wide with fear. It was obvious that despite the closed door, he had heard his father’s voice.

“He’s gone,” she murmured, slowly approaching his side. “You’re safe with me.”

As soon as she sat on the edge of the bed, he curled into her side, little hands gripping her scrubs. “You stay wiff me?” he asked her in such a soft voice, she almost missed it.

Elain’s chest tightened at him finally speaking. At being comfortable enough to open up to her. She carded her fingers through his soft, inky hair. “Yes, sweetheart. I’ll stay with you.”

And she did, notifying Thesan to remove her from the rotation for the rest of the day while they waited for her husband to arrive that evening.

~~~~~

Blood sprayed, showering his torso in tiny, red droplets. He felt his knuckles split at last as he threw another punch into Elias’s jaw, tooth cracking.

Azriel withdrew into the darkest corner of his mind, the place he firmly kept buried deep and only brought to the surface when his fury needed a bloody and brutal outlet. It was the tainted part of his soul that was bred and honed into him as a child. Brought upon by fists and fire.

His father made sure of it.

So did his brothers.

When he delved into the monster, he felt nothing. Became nothing. He had to in order to inflict the pain, the torture, on those who crossed him. Az didn’t let himself think about her, about their growing family. He couldn’t taint their image with the cruel, twisted version of himself that he turned into.

No matter that the man deserved every single ounce of brutalized agony he delivered. Azriel had always used violence as a method for managing his anger. Some may have called it an “unhealthy coping mechanism,” but was truly the only outlet for his fury. It was the reason why he and Cassian would spar as teens, his elder brother the only one of the two who could really throw down with him when he needed to release his pent-up rage.

As an adult, he didn’t let himself cross that bridge too often—at least not anymore—but it was even less so since she had reentered his life. For her, he tried to be a better man, wanted to be, and typically let Ruhn handle the dirty side of things.

But not for this. Not after what he did to his wife. Tried to do to his unborn children. Those acts were unforgivable and Elias would pay for it with his life.

Eventually.

The man spat it on the floor, grinning savagely up at him, despite the fact that he was tied to a chair in an abandoned warehouse and hours from death. “Is this how we end things, Azriel? You kill me to satisfy some sick fantasy?”

It had taken Ruhn a while to finally track down Elias’s hiding spot. Some secluded cabin way out of the city. But once he finally caught the trail, he tailed him like a rabid dog until he captured him for good.

He readjusted the sleeve of his right arm, pushing it back up to his elbow. His scarred fingers stained red. “Oh, Elias, how blindly imprudent you are,” he taunted, throwing another punch and nailing him square in the nose.

To Elias’s credit, he didn’t yell or shout, simply hissed, spitting more blood onto the tarped ground.

“This isn’t some fantasy. This is revenge for what you did to my wife. You signed up for this the first time you put your filthy hands on her.” Az grabbed a knife off a nearby crate, flipping it once between his thick fingers. “You will beg for death before I grant it to you,” he snarled, embedding the blade into the top of his thigh.

This time, Elias did scream, fight it as he might, the pain, the surge of blood were too much for him to hold back. His head tilted back in agony as Azriel yanked the dagger out and plunged it into his other leg.

Elias’s body tensed, fighting the restraints that would never give, as he sucked in heavy, rasping breaths. “We were supposed to have been partners,” he wheezed between clenched teeth.

“No. I was forced into a partnership with your uncle. Not you. I gave you a way out and you chose to throw my generosity in my face.” His lips curled up slightly at the corner in a sinful smirk. “Your downfall is on you, Elias. You have nobody to blame but yourself.”

The dimmed fire reignited in those dark eyes at his words. “Your slut is to blame,” he spat with a renewed vengeance.

Quick as a flash, Azriel had his large hand wrapped around the man’s throat, squeezing until Elias’s face turned an ungodly shade of red. His body twitched under the force, but Az didn’t give in an inch as he struggled and fought to breathe. Leaning forward until his lips were nearly touching his ear, he whispered, “If I were you, I would choose your words very carefully. Nobody refers to my wife in such a manner without consequence.” The smirk turned sinister as he watched Elias turn from red to purple. “It’s not so fun being on the other side of this, is it?” he mocked, knowing how Elias put his soiled hands on his wife’s neck, bruising her pale flesh for almost two weeks.

He tightened his hold, squeezing the thrashing man with a sick vengeance. He could’ve easily snapped his hyoid. Literally choke him to death. But that wouldn’t have been satisfying enough and only released his throat when he was on the verge of passing out.

Elias choked on his air, coughing with the might of his lungs. “Your fucking bitch,” he wheezed with as much venom as he could muster.

Ripping the dagger still protruding from his thigh, Azriel gripped his hand and twisted the index sideways until a distinctive snapping sound echoed in the warehouse. Pressing the blade into the joint, he began to cut, severing skin, tendon, and bone.

Hands flexing beneath his grip, screams tore from Elias’s mouth, loud enough that Az was surprised his voice hadn’t given out. Maybe he should’ve shattered that when he crushed his windpipe; at least then he could’ve had some peace and quiet. But he didn’t stop until he dropped the amputated digit onto the floor in the pooling blood that stained the bottom of his dress shoes red.

He moved to Elias’s other side, intending to even out his hands when the ringing of a phone cut through the air. His eyes flashed to Ruhn, leaning on the wall while letting him exact his revenge.

Ruhn pulled Az’s phone that he’d been holding onto out of his pocket. “It’s Connall.”

He stuffed a gag into Elias’s mouth, effectively silencing him before wiping his hands on a rag and taking the phone from Ruhn’s outstretched hand. “Connall,” he said in lieu of a greeting.

“Azriel,” he started. “I’m glad I caught you. There’s been a situation.”

His heart plummeted into his stomach. “Is Elain okay? Is she hurt? What about Kaden?”

“Everyone is fine and safe. We had an unexpected visitor today.”

His eyes flashed to Ruhn, though he knew the other man couldn’t hear the conversation. “Who?” he gritted out.

“Kaden’s biological father, Lorenzo, showed up and caused a scene. We’ve removed him from the premises, but I thought you ought to know.”

Another name to add to his list. Azriel swore if one more person went after his wife or family, he was going to lose his shit and rain hellfire on this fucking world. “Did he lay a hand on either of them?”

The very distinct pause had another blood-thirsty sense of fury washing over him. “No,” Connall finally admitted. “He attempted to strike her, but Fenrys caught his arm before it connected. They are both physically unharmed, though by the way she’s comforting Kaden, it appears he may not be emotionally or mentally.”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’ll be in this afternoon to pick them up—Kaden is coming home with us today. Until I get there, I want at least one of you stationed outside of his room and the other monitoring Elain.”

“Already done. Elain informed us that she has requested the rest of the day off and is sticking by his side. We’re posted on either side of his door. Nobody in or out that’s not approved by her.”

The twins deserved a raise, he realized, noting that detail for later. “Thank you, Connall. For the update and keeping them safe. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Always, Azriel.”

The line went dead and he had to take a breath to settle himself. Too many emotions had risen to the surface and he needed to separate himself again to finish what he started. But as he turned to face Elias once more, his overwhelming need to make him suffer hours—if not days—of torture vanished.

He didn’t need to torture the man. Az just needed him dead. “It’s your lucky day, Elias,” he said, striding over to rip the gag from his mouth. “My desire to torture just took on a new face.”

Some sick satisfaction swept over him at the hope that lit Elias’s dark eyes. Because he knew the man thought Azriel was going to let him go, and he was about to rip that dream of freedom right out from underneath him. “Which means, your life has served its purpose.”

True terror blanketed Elias’s face and before he could even voice a shout, Azriel snatched the dagger from the crate where he left it and slashed it across his throat.

Elias choked on his blood, drowning in it as it poured from his lips.

Dropping the knife on the ground, he turned his back on the dying man and told Ruhn, “Bury him on top of his uncle. So, the beginning and the end of their regime can meet in death.”

He left the warehouse without another word, letting Ruhn handle the cleanup and dealing with the body.

As the sunlight warmed his skin on his walk to his car, Azriel released the mask of his inner demon and summoned his true self back into its place. The man who loved his wife and their growing family. He let out a heavy breath, breathing out all of the darkness from his soul. Climbing into the car, he drove away from the warehouse and did not look back. 

~~~

Azriel had done his research in the short time since deciding to proceed with the adoption, needing to know what they would face by taking in Kaden. Lorenzo was, in fact, a part of the Illyrian Mob, though he wasn’t ranked high. He had about three superiors before he reached Nick, let alone Frankie. His death wouldn’t even cause a stir in their pyramid of power.

A kernel of knowledge he kept in the back of his mind because that’s what he signed up for when he went after Elain and Kaden. His death by Az’s hands. Another stain on his blackened soul, but he would taint it for her. For them. He’d carry the weight of the world if it kept his wife and family safe.

But that would come at another time. Right now, he had to focus on the boy they would be bringing home that night. He pulled into a parking spot outside the hospital and climbed out of the car. He and Elain spent the morning installing the booster seat in the back for Kaden before she left for work, and he did a last-minute glance over to make sure everything was ready. Snatching the small backpack filled with proper clothing inside, Azriel strolled into the front lobby of the hospital.

He took the elevator up to the third floor, nodding at the Moonbeam brothers who stood guard outside of Kaden’s room and knocked on the door.

Elain waved him in with a smile on her face as she got up off the stool to greet him. “Hello, Az.” She swooped in for a sweet kiss, his hand automatically settling onto her rounded stomach.

“Hello, my love,” he grinned, leaning forward for another small peck of her lips.

Her eyes glanced down at the hand cradling her belly. Her fingers grazed the fresh wounds that littered across his knuckles. “What happened?”

Azriel twisted his wrist to grip her palm, bringing it up to plant a soft kiss there. “Just work stuff.”

She frowned but didn’t ask him to elaborate. Elain was intelligent and could easily guess how he split his knuckles. But she knew better than to bring it up in front of their little boy, who was watching them closely.

Knowing that he came from a rough home, they made sure to show their affection to each other in his presence, wanting him to know that he was joining a loving home.

Azriel looked around her shoulder, smiling at Kaden sitting on the bed. “Hello, Kaden. I brought you something to wear.” He stepped forward, unzipping the backpack and pulling out a pair of pants, a long-sleeve shirt, socks, and sneakers, that he hoped fit him.

Elain moved to shut the curtain, offering them some privacy as they helped change him from his hospital gown to street clothes. “I’m going to put your bear in your backpack to take him home, okay?” she said, showing him the stuffed toy being placed in the dinosaur backpack.

Kaden’s dark hair rumpled when he tugged the shirt over his head and Az couldn’t help but chuckle as it fell into his eyes. He’d need a haircut soon.

His little hand rose to push it back, but a shy smile tugged on his lips.

Azriel felt his heart soar from that smile. He hadn’t been offered one yet, but spending the last few days here with him had helped tremendously. Kneeling, he helped put his shoes on, tying the laces, and then carefully lifted him off the bed and onto his feet. “Shall we go home now?” he asked.

Kaden immediately took Elain’s offered hand, but he was surprised when he felt small fingers wrap around his pinky. Azriel looked down to find the boy staring up at him.

Every single worry he had about this kid not accepting him as his father vanished from that moment on. He was his, no matter his blood, and Az would do anything to keep it that way. Nobody was ever going to take his son away from him and Elain.

He pushed the curtain aside and opened the sliding glass door, tugging his little family into motion. The Moonbeam brothers fell into step behind them, always guarding their backs but now with even more reason and focus. Azriel had seen the way they stepped up in their protection detail since Elain had gotten pregnant, and he knew that their dedication would extend to Kaden tenfold.

They rode down the elevator in comfortable silence, a pleasant hum running through his body. Viviane looked up at them when they made it to the nurses’ station, a smile pulling on her lips and she clapped Elain on the shoulder as they passed.

At the car, he kissed his wife’s cheek, murmuring for her to get in as he lifted Kaden and strapped him into the booster seat. He ruffled his hair with a large, scarred palm, catching that green-flecked gaze.

Closing the door, Az dismissed Fenrys and Connall for the weekend before climbing into the driver’s seat.

“What’s for dinner tonight?” Elain asked, turning to look at the boy in the back.

Azriel glanced in the rearview mirror, watching as he took in the sights around him. “Steak with mac and cheese,” he said out loud, pulling out of his parking spot.

She rubbed a hand over the swell of her stomach. “One baby agrees with that decision very much.” Her light laughs echoed in the car, and he reached over to feel the hard kick from one of the twins.

A little fighter, that one was.

Elain’s cravings had varied throughout the pregnancy. In the beginning, she wanted nothing but carbs. Then she was into Mexican, and Az spent a lot of time making bean and cheese burritos at two in the morning when she woke up hungry. But right now it was barbeque. Steak was his go-to, but last week, she was dipping chicken breast into frosting because, apparently, it was sweet and savory. He had to hide his disgust over the last one, but the image of her utter happiness while eating it brought a smile to his lips.

When they made it to the penthouse, Azriel immediately went to light the barbeque and put the mac and cheese in the oven while Elain gave Kaden a tour of the downstairs living area. Once finished, they walked him up the stairs to her old bedroom where he would temporarily be staying until they bought a new place. “This is your room, Kaden,” he said, opening the door and allowing him to slowly shuffle his way in.

Green and gold eyes went wide at the outrageous display. To be fair, he and Elain might have gone a bit overboard on things to buy, but they wanted to make sure Kaden felt at home and well-loved.

Az had put together two bookshelves against the far wall that were nearly overflowing. A rocking chair sat with them so that they could read together in the evenings before bed. A basket full of stuffed toys sat in the corner, and a large shelving unit was placed next to the dresser and contained everything from a dinosaur set to blocks to racecars.

They had decided to keep the queen-sized bed in there for now, not having had the time to replace it, nor wanting to. So, they purchased kid sheets instead, with a cartoon character on them that he couldn’t remember at the moment.

Truthfully, the bedroom looked like it belonged on the cover of a home décor magazine, but their only concern was comfort.

Kaden glanced up at them, waiting for permission.

“Go on,” Az encouraged him with a gentle nudge on his back.

The little boy ran for the boxes on the shelves, opening the tubs they had organized before sliding them back. He then took off for the plush toys, digging around until he found a stuffed dog.

The squeal he let out had warmth flooding his body and Az turned to share a look with his wife, whom he could tell was experiencing the same kind of utter joy.

Kaden stopped at the bookshelves, roaming the selection before he carefully placed his dog on the rocker and then ran back to them. He threw his arms first around Elain’s legs, making her choke out a sob, and then carefully around his, almost as if nervous to show affection towards him.

Az’s throat grew thick with unshed tears and he crouched to put himself at eye level, holding out his arms to see if he would embrace him.

The little one hesitated for a second before he slowly stepped into his chest and wrapped his arms around his neck. Azriel held him tightly to his body. Felt the heaviness of his worries that this boy wouldn’t accept him disappeared within that embrace.

“We’re happy to have you home with us, buddy,” Azriel whispered, pressing his lips to the side of his son’s head.

His son.

The words hadn’t hit him until that very moment. But as he clutched that little body to his torso, he realized how right it felt to think it. To say it.

Elain sniffed, carding her fingers through Kaden’s soft hair. “Go play, sweetheart. We’ll come to get you when dinner is ready.”

Azriel released him, letting him toddle off back for the assorted containers. He stood back up and wrapped an arm around her waist as they watched him a moment longer explore his new bedroom. “Come on, let’s get you changed.”

Though it was obvious that both of them wanted to stay, they also agreed to give Kaden some space to settle in, so it didn’t feel like they were hovering over him.

Elain padded to their bedroom to swap into some comfier clothes while he went back downstairs to throw the steaks onto the barbeque. They busied themselves in the kitchen, listening to Kaden’s imagination run wild up the stairs. Though not loud, it was something they both kept sharing shy smiles over.

“He seems to love it,” she breathed.

He looked over at her. “You did well in picking out stuff for him. I don’t think I would’ve had any of the right toys.”

Elain laughed softly, brushing a soft kiss to his cheek. “You’ll get better at it as you grow into your role as a father.”

They harmoniously worked together to finish prepping dinner, basking in their contented silence—it wouldn’t be long until the silence became a rarity for them—and it wasn’t until a distinct crashing sound had him racing up the stairs, two at a time.

Az threw open the bedroom door.

Kaden whipped around, looking guilty and nervous at the blocks knocked onto the floor. It was clear he had accidentally dropped the container as he pulled it off the shelf.

His son slowly took a step back, like he thought he was in trouble. The evident fear made his stomach clench, sorrow and range dancing through him at the mere thought of somebody harming this child for making any sort of sound.

Elain gripped his shoulder and he glanced at her, seeing that same worry on her face.

He turned back toward the little boy, hoping to calm him. “Are you all right?” Az asked carefully.

A minute passed, then another until finally, they received a silent nod in confirmation.

“We thought maybe you got hurt,” he tried explaining. “You’re not in trouble.”

Those shoulders relaxed slightly.

How often did he get hit or shoved or yelled at, simply for being a kid? It made his heart ache and his blood boil for vengeance on Kaden’s biological father. That man had a limited number of days before Az sought him out.

“Dinner will be ready soon, sweetheart,” Elain cooed, offering him a sweet smile that seemed to provide him some semblance of ease. She gently closed the door and they both paused, holding their breath to see if he would continue playing. After a moment’s hesitation, they heard a car being rolled across the hardwood floor.

She gripped his hand, tugging him down the stairs. “It’ll take some time to adjust to his every sound, but I think we can hold off on running up the stairs whenever he makes a peep,” she teased, shooting him a grin over her shoulder that didn’t touch her eyes. Because she knew as well as him the horrors their little boy faced in his short lifetime already.

Az sighed more to himself than anyone else. “After everything he’s been through, I can’t help but want to make sure he’s okay, one hundred percent of the time.”

“That’s fatherhood calling you, Azriel. Our kids are going to get scrapes and bumps and bruises. That’s just a part of childhood. The best we can do is just make sure we’re there to bandage them up and kiss away the hurt.”

He stopped her, turning her around to kiss her softly. She melted into it. “You are my rock, El.”

Her breath teased his lips as she looped her arms around his neck, securing him to her. “And you’re mine.”

Azriel felt those words settle into his heart and spread all over his body. Warmth and love and the undying faith that he knew to be true. Together, they could take on the world.

~~~~~

The next few weeks had been a blur. Kaden blossomed under their care, speaking to them in a quiet voice, though they could tell he was a bit behind in his speech. They hired a speech therapist who worked with him three days a week after school. Kaden loved school, even if he was shy with the other kids, and they did find out he’d never attended one before, which also explained his developmental delays. He mostly kept close to his teacher, who had been informed of his past and fears, but a few of the kids in his class kept trying to engage with him and only the day before were they informed that he accepted an invite to play with one of the other children.

After dinner, they’d each take turns reading to him and with him, hoping to help catch him up to his classmates. Both Kaden’s teacher and speech therapist had recommended it, and she and Azriel would do everything in their power to help their boy succeed. And though he was calling them by their given names now, they were working toward momma and daddy.

It was progress, Elain had said one night. “Every day, I see a little bit more of the boy he’s supposed to be.”

There were a few rough challenges they had to handle. About a week and a half into living with them, Kaden woke up late evening with a nightmare. Elain didn’t think she would ever forget it…

Azriel was on his side, head propped on his fist as he spoke to her belly. It was something he did every night, wanting the babies to hear his voice as much as possible. Sometimes he read them stories, sometimes he sang, and other times he just told them about his day and how much he couldn’t wait to meet them. Whatever it was, Elain always had to choke back tears at the love and joy that shone on his face when he talked with their children.

It was nearing eleven o’clock when they heard Kaden’s desperate scream.

Her husband launched out of bed, tearing down the hallway to reach their son’s bedroom. Elain hurried behind him, though her waddling—yes, she was fucking waddling now—slowed her down a bit. When she reached his room, Az already had Kaden’s crying form tucked into his chest.

“You’re okay, Kaden. You’re safe. Nobody will ever hurt you again,” he murmured, pressing kisses to the top of his head. His golden eyes met hers, blazing with a fury she only saw when his family was threatened. “Love, can you get some clean sheets out?”

Her brows raised in surprise, but with the hallway light on, she could see the dark stain on the bed where their son had wet himself from fear. Elain’s heart ached, but she nodded, slipping to the cupboard just outside the door and pulling out new linens.

She set the bedding on the dresser and then headed into the bathroom to start the water in the tub. “I’ll trade you,” Elain said, indicating for the child.

With one last kiss on his head, Azriel placed Kaden into her arms and began stripping the bed of its soiled sheets.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you cleaned up.” She rubbed his back in comfort, hoping it would slow the tears still rolling down his red cheeks. Once he calmed down enough, Elain helped him out of his pajamas and got him into the bathtub.

As she was gathering his clothes from the floor, he asked her, “Is Azweel going to punish me?”

Her head snapped up, catching Azriel in the mirror whirling around in shock at the question. She could read the devastation on his face. The hurt of being associated with that monster. Knowing she had to carefully address this, Elain knelt by Kaden at the edge of the tub. “No, sweetie,” she murmured, running a hand through his soft hair. “Azriel isn’t going to punish you, sweetheart. It was an accident.”

It became clear that this wasn’t the first time Kaden had an accident and received corporal punishment for it. A level of anger she’d never felt before kindled in her gut as Kaden’s bottom lip quivered.

Gathering his clothes, she stepped out of the bathroom, finding the bed already remade, and Azriel standing there looking as if he’d been slapped.

“He thinks I’m going to punish him?” he asked in disbelief.

But that wasn’t quite right. “No, he believes that he will be punished for an accident because he likely has been before. You are stepping into the role of his father, Az. It’s going to take some time for him to see the difference in how you respond to things versus the man who sired him. He will see it, though. I promise you that he will.”

Az chewed on his bottom lip, a habit he did when he was anxious about something. “Should I go in there?” he worried.

“I think it’s important that you do.”

He nodded, picking up the clean sleepwear for his son, and stepped into the bathroom.

Elain tossed the soiled pajamas into the hamper before leaning against the wall, just outside the bathroom to listen to her husband.

“Hey, buddy. You ready to get out now?” Azriel kept his voice whisper-soft, not wanting to give Kaden anything to worry about.

Water sloshed and she heard the distinct sound of the drain popping.

“I heard you ask momma if I was going to punish you…” there was a pregnant pause and she held her breath for the rest of that sentence. “No matter what, Kaden, I will never punish you like that. Whatever happens, I promise you that you won’t ever have to fear me, okay? I love you so much, Kaden. And I will always, always protect you.”

A wave of tears washed over her, rolling down her cheeks. Damn hormones. She glanced into the bathroom, catching Kaden as he slipped his arms around Az’s neck, hugging him tightly.

Her husband rose to his feet, still clutching their son in his arms. He turned, catching her watching them, and shot her a pleading look.

Elain knew what he was asking her for. Could read his desire to continue holding his son. So, she reached out a hand for him. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

They walked back down to their bedroom, Az lying down on his back so Kaden could sleep on his chest. Elain snuggled in next to him, her hand rubbing up and down their son’s spine until he drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

“You’re good with him,” she whispered.

“We’re good with him,” he amended. “I don’t think I could let him go, now.” He left the rest unspoken. How, if social services didn’t approve of the adoption, they would fight until their dying breath to change their minds. Because like hell were they letting anyone take their boy away.

But she didn’t doubt that they would be seen as the best thing for Kaden. And she would use that confidence to power through their interview which could change their lives forever.

Much like the little boy sleeping on her husband already had.

Elain blinked, drawing herself from her memory. They were on their way to the adoption interview, and though she had confidence that this would go their way, it didn’t stop the butterflies from erupting in her stomach from her nerves.

Almost as if he could sense it, a large, scarred hand reached across the console to squeeze her knee. Az glanced at her once before returning his eyes to the road. His touch instantly soothed the anxiety running through her.

“Ewain,” Kaden called from the backseat.

She twisted her head to look at him over her shoulder. “Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can we get ice cweam?”

Azriel let out a chuckle as she smiled at the little boy. “I think we can do that after the interview.”

“Yay!” he cheered, throwing his arms into the air and kicking his feet wildly in his booster seat. Despite fall having rolled in a few weeks earlier, summer had yet to lessen it’s hold on the city and a cold bowl of ice cream did sound appetizing.

At that, her husband laughed, deeply and so full of love as they pulled into the parking lot of the social services office. Azriel collected Kaden from the back who grabbed both of their hands, nearly swinging between them as they walked into the building.

“Mr. and Mrs. Archeron-Knight. Welcome,” a woman said from behind the front desk. “Please follow me.” She escorted them to the back into a private room. Half of it was set up with a couch, desk, and two chairs, while the other half was clearly designed for children, including a small table with coloring utensils and a cubby holding various toys. “The interviewer will be in shortly. Please make yourself comfortable.”

They moved to sit on the couch together, Az gripping her elbow to ease her down. The joys of being pregnant with twins.

“Can I go pway?” Kaden asked, shooting them those puppy-dog eyes that neither could resist. They were definitely in for trouble with that face.

“Of course,” she told him, brushing a curl behind his ear.

He went straight to the table, grabbing a coloring book and some crayons to occupy himself, humming lowly while his feet swung beneath his chair. Kaden had a love of art; something his Aunt Feyre would go nuts for.

“We’ll have to get him more coloring supplies,” Azriel murmured, pressing his lips to the side of her head.

A knock sounded from the door before it was opened, revealing a young woman with dark hair braided back, and a beautifully tanned complexion that could only be from her heritage.

She smiled brightly at them. “Hello Azriel and Elain. My name is Nesryn. It’s lovely to meet you both.”

At the sound of a new voice, Kaden’s head whipped up and he quickly made his way back over to them, wiggling to place himself between their bodies.

Her brows raised in response to his shyness.

“Kaden is still a bit uncomfortable with strangers,” Elain said, running her hand along his back as he buried his face into her torso. “We’re taking it slow in introducing him to people so he doesn’t feel overwhelmed.”

Nesryn’s lips turned up at the corner. “I can’t say that’s entirely a bad thing, or surprising for that matter given his history.” She took a seat opposite of them, using the table as a buffer between her and their son. “I took a look through his file and, frankly, the number of past injuries is highly concerning. I know that Emerie was originally on his case, and she will be conducting his interview because I believe she may have a better chance at working with him but given her close relationship with you, Elain, she’s asked me to conduct your interviews to prevent any biases.”

She nodded. “I think that’s fair.”

Flipping open the file in front of her, Nesryn leaned back in her seat and asked, “So, why do you want to adopt Kaden?”

They shared a look before Azriel responded. “To put it point blank, he’s our son, without a doubt.”

“When Kaden was first brought into the hospital, I connected with him instantly,” Elain added. “He seemed timid with the nurses and other doctors, but with me, he relaxed. I knew from that initial meeting that he was brought into our lives for a reason. Even with his nervousness around men, he opened up to Azriel fairly quickly too. Almost as if he knew he could trust us to love him.”

Nesryn nodded, noting something down in her file. “And how has he progressed with you since he’s been living with you?”

“He’s communicating with us, will tell us what he wants to eat, and asks if he can do something. His food intake is good and I can see he’s beginning to put on some healthy weight,” Az explained. “He’ll sit with us as we read bedtime stories and let us kiss him goodnight.”

She smiled. “It sounds like you have a solid routine for him, would you agree?”

Elain tucked her foot behind her ankle. “Yes. We try to keep a set schedule with him as much as possible. Dinner time, bedtime, when we wake him up to get ready for the day.”

“How’s he sleeping?”

Azriel glanced at her, a question in his eyes and she nodded. “There was an incident the first week. He woke up one evening with a nightmare so terrifying for him that he wet the bed.” Nesryn’s brow cocked, but she didn’t interrupt. “We comforted him, cleaned him up, and put new sheets on his bed, but it was a question he asked that concerned us…”

“What was the question?”

He sighed, lips parting. He hated having to admit this, but it was important to be honest with the social worker. They had discussed whether or not to talk about that night earlier and decided if it was brought up, then they would. “He asked Elain if I was going to punish him.”

Nesryn noted that down and he fought the hackles that rose as a result. “Did you punish him?”

The question caught him off guard. “No! Of course not. He didn’t do anything wrong and I would never punish him in the way he was asking.”

“What way is that?”

“We believe corporal punishment was used on him in instances like this,” Elain spoke up, seeing how the question twisted at Az’s insides. “After he asked me that, Azriel went to speak with him and reassured him that he would never punish him like that. That he would always protect him.”

The woman smiled. “That was probably the best thing you could’ve offered him at that moment.” She turned her dark eyes onto her husband. “I don’t ask these questions to pry or to insinuate anything, Azriel, but just to get a feeling of how well you two respond to it. I could see that you were upset by that question and I wanted to make myself clear. You both have shown me that you would make excellent guardians for Kaden already.”

She flipped through her file, checking off a few boxes. “Now, I do need to address the obvious.” Her eyes flashed to Elain’s rounded stomach before returning to meet their gaze. “You’re expecting in a few months. That’s a hefty change for you both. How do plan to balance having newborns with a newly adopted child at the same time, along with the additional financial obligations that come with it?”

“You don’t need to worry about the financial aspect. We are more than capable of handling whatever expenses come our way,” Az told her.

Nesryn huffed a knowing laugh. “True, but I’m still required to ask it.” It was no secret to her how wealthy they were.

“As for balance, I think it’s important to note that even though Kaden will not be our biological son, at no point will he ever feel like there’s a difference in the love we show him in comparison to the twins. He will always be our son, no matter what. And we will do everything we can to ensure that he’s settled, included, and as much a part of our family as anyone else. There is no limit to the love we can give him.” Elain said each and every word with her whole heart, feeling Azriel take her hand as they huddled closer to the little boy still sitting between them.

“While Elain will be taking a generous maternity leave, I will also be taking two months off from work to be at home after the twins are born. And then will work from home for a good portion of the few months after while we establish a rhythm, to settle with our three children, and to make sure that Kaden is as comfortable as possible.”

Her whole face lit up with a smile. “I’m happy to hear that. Many fathers aren’t able to take time off like that and adjust their schedule to help out, so knowing you plan to, I believe will make all the difference in adjusting to your new life.” She skimmed through her notes and then closed the file. “Well, I must admit that you two would make wonderful parents to Kaden. I don’t have any concerns with approving your adoption of him.”

The air whooshed from Elain’s lungs in one giant breath. Relief and happiness and so many other emotions rushed through her until her eyes grew misty. “Thank you, Nesryn. That means a lot to us. Truly.”

“Always a pleasure.” She stood from her seat. “I’ll send Emerie in for Kaden’s interview now. You two will need to step out of the room for it, so we can try and get unbiased answers from him.” She indicated to the mirror on the side of the room. “You’ll be able to watch through there. His interview won’t be as extensive as yours was.”

“And if he doesn’t answer her questions?” Az asked, nervous for the same reason she was. Would that affect their ability to adopt him if he refused to speak?

“His questioning is just to get an idea of how he’s feeling. If he doesn’t respond, then we will notate that and go with just your interview.”

She breathed out a sigh of relief.

A moment after she bid them farewell, the door opened and Emerie walked in. “Good morning,” she beamed, stepping up to the coffee table. “I was hoping that perhaps Kaden and I could chat over there,” she pointed towards the area where he’d been coloring earlier.

Elain glanced at the boy, still tucked against her side. “Do you want to go color again?” she asked him softly, brushing his hair back.

Kaden peeked up at her, his green-speckled eyes wide. He dipped his chin in confirmation.

They got him set up at the table to continue his drawing from earlier when Az knelt next to him. “All right, buddy. Emerie here wants to talk with you for a minute by yourself. Momma and I will be right outside the door if you need us. Okay?”

Elain kissed the top of his head on her way out the door. They made their way to the side room where the one-way glass was, watching as Emerie made attempts to communicate with their son.

“Do you like living with Elain and Azriel?” she asked him as she worked on her own drawing. Nesryn explained that it helped reduce the anxiety of feeling interrogated.

Kaden nodded, not looking up from his drawing.

Silent communication was better than no communication, she thought, relieved to see that he did like being with them.

Azriel gripped her hand in his large, warm one.

“What do you like about living with them?” she encouraged, picking up a new color.

He was quiet for a moment, then told her, “They’re nice.”

“He’s talking to her,” she breathed, throat constricting with emotion. They had done that. They had broken through his barriers to help him speak.

“Nice, huh? Was your dad not nice?”

Az shot a look at her, puzzled by the question.

Kaden shook his head, grabbing a yellow crayon, but didn’t elaborate. Not that she expected him to. Elain realized early on that Kaden didn’t like to talk about his biological father, even with them. She hoped that in time, he would open up about it, but they weren’t going to push the subject with him.

“Did he hit you?” Emerie asked quietly.

His coloring slowed, eyes never straying from the paper in front of him.

She reached out to touch his hand, but he snatched it away from her. “You can tell me, sweetie. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I don’t fucking like this,” Az growled, tensing as she pushed their son into speaking.

“Did he hit you, Kaden?”

His head snapped up, crocodile tears rolling down his cheeks. “Where’s Azweel? I want Azweel!” he shouted, voice cracking in desperation.

Elain felt that pain in the pit of her stomach; her husband already moving.

“Fuck this shit,” he snarled, throwing open the door to the interview room and hurrying to collect his son.

“Azriel!” Emerie started.

“This interview is over,” he snapped, cradling Kaden’s crying form to his chest.

Elain reached his side, her palm running along Kaden’s arm in comfort as he clung to his father’s neck

Emerie rose from her chair, arms crossing. “I know that it’s hard to watch, but if we can get a verbal statement from him, admitting to his father’s abuse, we have a stronger case against him!”

“Do not raise your voice in his presence,” he said forcefully. “What you’re doing isn’t helping him. He’s not ready to talk about what he went through and I will not stand by and watch him have to relive his abuse when he is not ready for it.” Azriel was a force to be reckoned with when it came to his family. “I don’t think you understand the trauma a child goes through after living in an abusive household. We have worked so hard to get him to open up to us, to progress forward, and if you push him, we’re going to lose all the growth we’ve made.”

“If and when he’s ready to talk, we will be there for him, but we’re not going to continue like this,” Elain added, standing with her husband on this.

Footsteps sounded behind them and Nesryn walked in, skin turned a ghastly pale color. She held her phone in her hand as she looked at them all. “We don’t need to worry about building a case against him…”

Emerie frowned. “Why?”

“Because they just found Lorenzo’s body.”

~~~

They were silent in the car, the last hour replaying over and over in her mind. After hearing the news about Kaden’s biological father, chaos broke out. Phones were ringing and both Emerie and Nesryn were arguing with their superiors about how nothing changed their minds.

Elain, for a brief second, thought she was going to lose her son in the madness. Only Azriel’s strong presence at her side kept her from breaking down completely. But when the dust settled, they received the stamp of approval for Kaden’s adoption.

She had wept with joy, kissing her husband, still holding their son to his chest, before she descended upon Kaden’s head until he giggled at her.

But now, as they were headed home, having stopped to grab an ice cream to go, she couldn’t stop the question from passing her lips. “Did you do it?” Elain asked, glancing at Azriel behind the wheel.

His eyes shot to hers for a brief second before returning to the road. “No,” he told her honestly. “No matter that he deserved it and I should’ve.” Azriel’s words held a dark and dangerous tone and she knew that he would’ve ended that man if the opportunity had presented itself to him. Not just for their son, but for the time Lorenzo nearly attacked her too.

She breathed out a sigh of relief. Elain couldn’t exactly blame him for wanting Lorenzo dead. The man had tortured the sweet boy in the back seat for years. Left hurt, scared, and to fend for himself. She saw a lot of her husband in him and she knew Az saw himself too—saw the trauma of his childhood in those green and golden eyes.

“Should we be worried?” If he didn’t end Lorenzo’s life, somebody else did. And the timing was just too coincidental for her not to have concerns.

Azriel let out a heavy breath. “I don’t know,” he admitted.

Elain looked over her shoulder at the boy humming while he ate his ice cream, most of it smeared on his lips. His feet kicked happily over the edge of his booster seat.

“No matter who did it, nothing will ever happen to him, El. I promise you that.”

She looked back at her husband. “I never doubted that. I’m just worried at why it was done.”

He grabbed her hand, kissing her knuckles. “Let’s not think about it right now and focus on our growing family.” Az ran his thumb over the back of her palm. “We need to let our siblings know.”

Elain pulled her phone from her purse. “I know. I was thinking of dinner. What about tomorrow night? You could barbeque again—ooh, barbeque…” Her mind wandered to Az’s grilled specialties, which he made for her three times a week to curb her cravings.

His chuckle pulled her mind back from thoughts of food and the growl in her stomach. “I can barbeque, my sweet.”

“You spoil me.”

Az’s head tipped back in a laugh. “You’re the one growing two babies inside of you. I think making your food is the least I could do.”

Her grin split her face as she typed out a message to her sisters. HerH

“Momma, I’m all done!” Kaden shouted from the backseat.

Elain whipped her head around at the name, sucking in a sharp breath. For a moment, she just stared at the little boy, replaying the sound of him calling her momma. Tears welled in her eyes and it took her a minute to realize he was holding out his empty paper bowl and spoon for her to take. With a shaking hand, she reached out and collected the carton, heart hammering in her chest.

“Tank you!” 

“You’re very welcome, sweetie,” she managed to spit out, still in shock.

Azriel pulled into their parking spot in the penthouse garage, turning off the ignition to smile broadly at her.

He called me momma, she mouthed at him.

Leaning across the console, he kissed her, cupping her jaw and letting his thumb swoop over her cheek. “You’re his momma,” he whispered only to her.

Her phone dinged twice and she lifted it to read the text from her sisters. “Dinner for tomorrow is a go,” she told him.

They glanced back at their son, oblivious to the shared moment. Tomorrow, their siblings would find out they had a new nephew. And she couldn’t wait to share the news with them.

~~~~~

Azriel was on the balcony, checking on the two chickens he had on the grill. His wife’s obsession with anything barbeque still made him smile. He did his best to mix up the way he prepped it so he and Kaden didn’t grow tired of it, but Az didn’t dare to tell his wife no when it came to whatever she was craving.

It was a quarter till six when he heard the elevator ping and made his way back inside to greet his siblings. “How do you all manage to show up at the exact same time?” he asked, sliding the glass door closed behind him.

“Impeccable timing?” Cassian supplied with his signature shit-eating grin.

Az simply rolled his eyes, calling for his wife. “Elain! Everyone is here!”

“Be right down!” she hollered back.

They had decided to have Elain bring Kaden down to meet everyone at once, hoping it would be less intimidating for him. He wasn’t sure how their family would react to the adoption, but he didn’t believe they had anything to worry about.

“We brought wine,” Feyre announced, heading towards the kitchen in search of glasses.

There was nothing he could do but let her further into the dining area, watching as she paused at the table, brow furrowing. “Az, do we have somebody else joining us? The table is set for seven.”

Before he could answer, absolute silence descended upon the room as Elain appeared at the top of the stairs, carrying what looked like a sleeping Kaden in her arms. She managed to take only three steps down before Az reached her, taking the little boy from her arms. “Come here, bud. Momma shouldn’t be carrying you right now.”

Even in his sleepy state, Kaden willingly went into Azriel’s embrace, arms sliding around his neck.

“He was asleep on the floor when I went into his room,” Elain told him, taking his elbow as they made their way down the stairs to where their gaping family awaited.

“Question,” Cassian started, looking utterly bewildered. “Did you two have a previous child that we don’t know about?”

Elain laughed softly, running her fingers through their son’s dark locks. “Everyone, we’d like for you to meet our newly adopted son, Kaden.”

Azriel turned so he could see his aunts and uncles. “Kaden,” he murmured quietly, running a hand down his back. “Kaden, this is your Uncle Rhys and Aunt Feyre,” he said, then turned towards their other siblings. “And your Aunt Nesta and Uncle Cassian.”

Those green eyes peeked out from his chest, glancing at the four new adults before he turned his face and buried it into his neck.

He chuckled, hoisting him up higher in his arms. “He’s a little shy.”

Their siblings remained frozen like statues. Much to his surprise, it was Nesta who managed to snap out of her reverie first, stepping forward and presenting her daughter propped on her hip. “Hello, Kaden. It’s nice to meet you. This is Sutton,” she told him, angling the almost one-year-old so he could see her better. “She’s your cousin.”

That had him turning to look at the little girl in his aunt’s arms. “Baby,” he whispered, fingers grappling with the collar of Az’s shirt.

He kissed the top of Kaden’s hair. “That’s right, buddy. She’s a baby, like what your brother and sister will be.”

“Does anybody want to explain what is going on?” Rhys demanded, startling the boy in his arms.

“Lower your voice,” Az said fiercely, taking a step back from the group to murmur words of comfort into his ear. “Would you like to go color before dinner?” he asked, already moving towards the coffee table where Kaden had left out coloring books from earlier.

He gently set his son on the floor, kneeling to kiss the side of his head before rising and ushering the adults further into the dining area to give Kaden some space.

“Kaden was brought into the hospital a while ago with a fracture to his arm that required surgery,” Elain explained. The cast had come off the previous week and his surgical site was healing well. “X-rays showed that it wasn’t his first fracture.”

“Or his second, or his third,” Az practically growled, still furious at how much the boy had suffered at the hands of his biological father.

“Four fractures?” Cassian breathed in horror.

Elain touched the back of her head. “He had one on his skull, here. Likely the result of being pushed into the corner of a low-lying table.”

“Oh, my god.”

“Because of the obvious abuse he suffered, he’s very timid around adults, particularly males. Despite that, he connected with me in the hospital. Clung to me,” his wife told them, looking at their son with such love that he had to wrap his arm around her waist and tug her close to him, wanting to bask in the warmth she radiated.

“We were approved for the adoption yesterday, and go to court in a few weeks,” Azriel announced.

Silence descended one more before Cassian cleared his throat in obvious discomfort over what he was about to say. “Not that we aren’t truly happy for you both, you do remember you’re having twins in just a short while, right?”

Elain’s eyes snapped to her brother-in-law, going impossibly dark. “Well, fuck me, Cash. I’m pregnant? Who would’ve thought?”

Azriel snorted in amusement at the hostility.

Cassian’s tanned face went pale. “I didn’t mean it like that, Elain—”

“Then how did you mean?” she snapped, not even letting him finish his sentence.

It surprised him that Cash, of all the siblings, made a comment. He had always been the more accepting of the group to changes and surprises.

His brother scratched the back of his head, knowing he’d dug himself into a hole. “I just meant that newborns are a lot and you have two on the way. Taking on another child could be more than you anticipate.”

Jesus Christ his brother was burying himself in a grave.

Elain stepped out of his grasp, shooting daggers at Cassian. “Azriel and I are well aware of the responsibilities that will come with adopting a child and having newborns. We’ve discussed things endlessly to ensure that Kaden feels welcomed and loved even with the twins’ birth.” She crossed her arms as she stared him down. “But I’m curious, would we not see the level of support that we have shown you since Sutton’s birth?”

At that, Cash blanched. “Of course you would.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Forgive me, Elain. It was not my intention to question your ability to parent and raise three children. I know you’re more than capable of it.”

She turned her attention on the rest of the group. “Does anybody else have any opinions they’d like to address?”

A chorus of declines sounded from the rest, making him chuckle.

“Good.” Elain turned to face him. “How are we doing on the chickens?”

Azriel glanced down at his watch. “They should be done. We can start bringing stuff to the table and I’ll carve.”

His family went to scatter, Nesta slowly approaching Kaden with Sutton in her arms and asking to join him on the floor. Nesta laid her daughter on her stomach, sitting back against the couch with some toys. He watched as his son cautiously stepped toward his niece. A smile touched his lips, already seeing a life-long bond between the two children.

Feyre and Rhys followed Elain to the kitchen, helping her pull dishes from the fridge and finish setting the table.

Cash took a half-step toward his wife when Azriel reached out and snagged him by the crook of his elbow, forcing him to look back at him. He lowered his voice to ensure the others couldn’t overhear him. “Don’t you ever speak to my wife like that again,” he warned.

Regret flashed in those hazel eyes so much like his own. “It won’t happen again.”

He nodded, releasing Cash’s arm. “Good. Now help me with the chicken.”

Gathered around the table, the family welcomed their newest addition, growing more and more excited for all the new changes coming their way.

~~~~~

Remember, sharing is caring! Please reblog if you liked the fic. It helps spread my work and I truly appreciate it. 💕

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[bookstaninthesoul]

I Do Bad Things with You - Part 44

This part fought me at every corner, but I said screw it. Let's post and move on. 😅 It's crazy to think there are only 5 more parts left and an epilogue. The end of an era is arriving soon. I'm excited though, to have this one finished because I've got a lot of other goodies in the works right now. Stay tuned!

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Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault , language, NSFW

Word Count: 5,852

It had been a month since the car accident and their family found out about the pregnancy. The first week after the wreck had been rough, always worrying over whether she would eventually start bleeding as a late-term consequence of the crash. Azriel, her blessed husband, was doing everything in his power to keep her calm.

But she didn’t. Not a speck of blood.

Elain thanked every god for the safety of her babies knowing she wouldn’t have survived losing them.  

She and Az hadn’t discussed any further on his retaliation tactics, hoping that he would drop the whole issue. Escalating right now when they were about halfway through her pregnancy didn’t seem like the best idea.

Elain did trust Azriel’s decisions, even if she didn’t necessarily agree with them.

A sigh escaped her lips and she rubbed her palm over her more prominent belly. She was beginning to round out now, rather than just looking like an oversized, carb-based pudge. Her scrubs were starting to get tight and it was only a matter of time before she had to invest in a larger size. At least in the top. The bottoms still had some stretch available.

“Doctor Archeron,” her boss called and she whirled around to face him. “We have an incoming pediatric patient who needs a surgical consult. Are you up to being my second?”

Pediatric surgeries didn’t come often, so when they did, he always made sure she had the opportunity to assist—especially since she was the Attending and would be taking these cases on with the team of residents here soon.

She was already moving to his side. “I’m in.” With her nausea and dizzy spells, Elain had to cut back on some of her surgical procedures, unable to give her best results to the patient. She was sure it was the combination of the stress and the constant standing that always had her head feeling woozy. So, she took what she could, and then made rounds for surgical consults in the pit. Having built a strong bond with the residents, they were always eager and willing to grab her a snack or craving when she needed it, even when she profusely told them they did not need to do so. But Elain had to admit, it was nice when they did, and she made sure to reward them with her knowledge and expertise when handling difficult cases.

They slid open the glass door where the young patient was held and she stopped in her tracks. The little boy couldn’t have been more than four years old, with dark hair that brushed over the tops of his ears, and golden-brown skin. His eyes flashed when they entered revealing a green and golden gaze.

Elain recognized his heritage immediately.

He was Illyrian. Like Azriel.

She also read the fear plastered on his face, in his movements as he cradled his broken arm to his chest. Large tears littered along his lower lash line; something inside of her cracked at that desperate look.

“Hello, Kaden,” Thesan said in a kind voice, lowering the iPad to his side and looking directly at the boy. “We’re going to help take care of that arm for you.” He took a step forward and Kaden flinched, crying out softly as the movement tugged on his injury.

Her boss stopped his approach; a level of uncertainty crept into his gaze as he glanced at her for assistance.

Elain cleared her throat, capturing the boy’s attention. She moved the rolling stool closer to his bedside and slowly sat down on it, making sure he watched her every move. “Hi, Kaden,” she spoke in a soft voice. “My name is Elain.” She shuffled slightly closer, relieved when he didn’t balk at her approach. In fact, it almost seemed like his eyes flicked down to her swollen stomach before returning to her face. “I see that your arm is hurt. Would you mind if I took a closer look?” Elain held out her hand, letting it lie on his bed palm up in a calm, welcoming gesture.

When he hesitated, she added, “You’re safe here, sweetheart. We won’t hurt you.” She wasn’t sure why she said it, but something in her gut told her that it wasn’t just strangers he was afraid of. It was people altogether. And that concerned her, more so than just from a physician’s standpoint.

Finally, he moved his arm over to her, those tears falling down his cheeks as he whimpered in pain.

“I know, baby. I know. You’re doing so well,” she cooed, gently examining the injury between her fingers. From the disfiguration, it was obvious that it was a transverse complete fracture, the radius and the ulna having stacked on top of each other, and somehow not penetrating through his skin.

Elain sat wondering how the hell this child had such a severe injury, and it was then she noticed the scar on his other arm from a different, extensive wound. She frowned, glancing up at Thesan through her lashes. “Without a proper x-ray, I can’t be definitive on how extensive the damage is, but I’m certain he’ll need this surgically repaired.

The other doctor crossed his arms.

Kaden flinched.

Her mouth parted. Because that wasn’t just a flinch of fear. It was a flinch of abuse. Elain had no doubt in her mind about his home life. A lump swelled in her throat at the thought of it, and she watched as Thesan slowly lowered his arms to appear less intimidating toward the young boy.

Without thinking, she reached up to trace the pads of her fingers across his temple, sweeping his hair back before brushing away the tears that still stained his cheeks. Elain released a breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding when he didn’t shy away from her touch. “I’m going to put your arm in a brace to hold it still until we can fix it, okay?”

He didn’t speak, didn’t even shake his head to indicate that he understood her, but he watched her, those green and gold-speckled eyes wary, but curious too.

She slid the stool back, reached into one of the drawers on the moveable cabinet, and grabbed what she needed. Getting him into the brace was a whole thing on its own. He cried and screamed as she tried to be as gentle as she could, and every sound he made felt like a knife in her chest. “I know, sweetie. I know. But this will help, I promise,” she murmured, trying to calm him.

His pain broke her heart. Shattered it into a million pieces. Because no child deserves to suffer like that.

Once she finally got him strapped in, Elain released his arm but didn’t step back. No, she couldn’t leave him in this state. Instead, she brushed more tears away with her thumb, cupping his cheek in comfort. It was completely out of line in that patient-doctor relationship, but frankly, she didn’t give a damn. Elain wouldn’t leave him like this—refused to. So, she gave him the gentleness of her touch, the security she knew he didn’t receive from his parents, wherever the fuck they might be.

“Elain,” Thesan said, catching her gaze. “Can we speak in the hall?”

She nodded, swiping her thumb over his cheek one last time. “We’ll be back, Kaden,” she murmured, resisting the urge to kiss the top of his head. Those damn hormones were really getting to her.

He slid the door shut behind them, turning to face her. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

She knew he didn’t mean her actions. “The severity of his fracture looks like it came from a large fall. Maybe down a staircase. Did you notice the scar on his other arm?”

“I did,” Thesan told her, eyes going hard. It wasn’t a look she saw on him often, but child abuse cases were always difficult. “It looked like something that required stitching but didn’t receive it. It’s too harsh to have been healed properly.”

She grunted in agreement. “I don’t think we’ll be able to get an x-ray from him. Not when he’s this terrified. I know he needs surgery without it, but maybe we can grab an x-ray after we put him under?” Her boss nodded his head in a way that said he was on the same wavelength as her. “Where are his parents? How did he get brought in here?”

“I’m about to go find out from Viviane. Hopefully she or one of the other nurses can give us more detail.”

“I’ll reach out to social services and see if I can get our social worker from child protective services down here quickly. I suspect child abuse and we’re going to need somebody to sign off on his surgery,” Elain said, already pulling her phone from the front of her scrubs.

He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “You did good in there, Elain. He wouldn’t have let me get near him, but you connected with him.” He paused, eyes flicking between hers. “It was that maternal instinct coming out. I could see it in how you handled him—comforted him. Excellent work.”

She couldn’t stop the blush from rising to her cheeks. “Thank you, Thesan.”

Gripping her once more, he strode away, heading for the nurses’ station to speak with them about their patient.

Elain glanced back over her shoulder at the child in the room behind her, his body curled up on his side as best as he could with his arm braced. His little hand fisted the sheets, eyes having drifted close. Her heart hammered in her chest. What else could he have been through that they didn’t know? Scrolling through the phone, she tapped on the name of their CPS contact.

It rang twice before she picked up. “Hey,” Elain said quietly. “I need you at the hospital. Now.”

A pause before she said. “Give me fifteen minutes,” and hung up.

She stared through that glass door, lips pulling down into a sad frown. Something drew her toward him, and Elain was determined to figure out why.

~~~

Elain was waiting for the CPS worker at the front of the nurses’ station. She and Thesan had a quick convo where he informed her of everything they knew about their patient, which turned out, wasn’t a whole lot. He had been sent over from the hospital in Illyria, not having a pediatric surgeon on hand to help him. Technically, she and Thesan also weren’t pediatric surgeons, but they’d been trained in those patients to be able to provide him the care he needed.

Her attention snagged on the tall woman walking into the building, her pace quick and determined.

Elain met her halfway. “Emerie,” she murmured, shaking her hand. “Thanks for coming so quickly.”

“You sounded urgent on the phone.”

They strode through the hospital to the elevators. “It is. My patient’s name is Kaden. He has a transverse complete fracture that requires surgery.”

Emerie flicked her thick, dark plait of hair over her shoulder. “Parents won’t sign off on it?”

“Parents aren’t here,” Elain said, pressing the button for floor three to take them to the pediatrics department. “His neighbor called it in when she got home from the grocery store. Told the EMTs that she heard his screams and just called for help.”

“How old is he?”

The doors slid open and they stepped out of the elevator. “Just over four.” She directed them toward his door. “There’s something else,” she started, looking over at the boy in question. “He won’t speak and seems very intimidated by people. Fearful of them. I suspect he’s a victim of child abuse. I was barely able to get the brace on him, so we haven’t attempted an x-ray yet.”

Emerie pursed her lips in contemplation. “What’s your plan?”

“We want to do the x-ray while he’s under. It’s obvious he will need his facture repaired surgically, but we won’t get a clear picture of the damage until we get him prepped.”

She nodded. “I can get on board with that after I try and talk with him of course.” Emerie looked in at the child lying on the bed. “You said he’s just over four?” she asked.

“Yes. His chart shows his birthday was a few months ago.”

Those dark eyes found hers. “He looks awfully small for a four-year-old.”

Elain’s heart ached in her chest. “Yes, we were thinking he appeared a bit malnourished.”

“Do me a favor. When you get him in for x-rays, get some of his body. I want to see if any previous injuries can sanction the abuse.”

Elain’s chin dipped in confirmation as she grabbed the handle of the door and slid it open. “Hello, Kaden,” she said, voice softening. “I’ve brought a friend who wants to talk with you.”

His head turned to look over at them, eyes going straight to Emerie. He shuffled on the bed, curling into himself.

She shared a glance with Elain before moving forward, cautiously. “Hello, Kaden. My name is Emerie. I’m here to help you.”

He blinked at her, not unfurling from his fetal-like position.

Emerie frowned, returning her attention to her. “Do you think he might be deaf?”

Elain’s brows shot into her hairline. She hadn’t thought that at all. “He seems like he can hear us, but let me see,” she said, turning to sign can you hear me at the little boy.

No response.

She shook her head. “I don’t think he’s deaf. Just mute.”

The social worker’s mouth turned down further. “I’ll sign off on the surgery. I can see the injury from here. Has anyone tried to contact his parents?”

“There’s a number for a father, but it’s been disconnected. I can give you his file to see if there’s anything you can pull from it.” Emerie gripped her arm in thanks, moving to sit down on the rolling stool that she sat upon earlier. “I’m going to call up to the OR to get a room prepped. A nurse will be in with the forms to sign in a bit.”

She gave Kaden a small smile, hoping it would bring one to his face, but he just stared at her, little hands fisting the bedsheets. Elain felt an undeniable pull toward the child. A deep-seated need to help him—care for him. She just needed to figure out how.

~~~

Four remodeled fractures.

Elain sat in the chair next to Kaden’s bed as she looked through the X-rays they took of him. She pulled out four, severe remodeled fractures—now five with the one they just repaired. How the fuck did a child of four have five fractures in his lifetime already?

Anger, unlike anything she’d ever experienced before burned inside of her like a volcano readying to erupt. It was obvious that this boy had experienced such tremendous pain and horrors in his young life. She couldn’t help but compare him to her husband, born into cruelty. Abused and neglected. Left to fend for himself.

It left a dangerous spot in her heart. One where she wasn’t sure if she could untangle him from.

The door slid open and Emerie popped in, her dark eyes glancing toward the sleeping child. “How’d it go?” she whispered. Getting him under had taken some work. The anesthesiologist ordered him to be held down so he could put the mask on his crying face when she entered.

“Do not hold him down,” Elain had growled, storming into the operating room after having scrubbed down. The surgical nurses seemed to back up at the look on her face. Even the two residents assigned to the surgery hesitated. She’d moved to his side, fingers stroking his soft cheek. “Hi, sweet boy,” she murmured, voice softening. “I’m going to fix your arm now, but you need to go to sleep first. You don’t want to be awake for this.” Her thumb made a gentle caress back and forth on his face. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

She made quick work wiping his tears away, humming under her breath a simple lullaby. Elain waited until he was calm, silver-lined eyes drying as his eyelids slowly lowered without her even using the gas on him. She knew he was likely exhausted, having gone hours without much sleep. The constant crying would’ve drained him too. So, only when he finally shut his eyes, did she take the mask from the anesthesiologist and place it over his face.

The door clicking shut behind Emerie pulled her from her memory. “Getting him under was rough, but I managed to get it done.” She held out the X-rays for her. “He’s had four other fractures that I found. Two hairline ones on his third and fourth ribs, one to his left femur, and one…” her words trailed off, unable to spit out the location of that last injury.

Emerie took a seat on the stool, facing her. “Where was the last one, Elain?”

She took a ragged breath. “On the back of his skull.”

“Any ideas on how he got it?”

Elain sat back in the chair she’d brought in. “Looks like he might’ve collided with something. Probably pushed backward and fell into a table or something similar.”

“They were set properly, though?”

She nodded. “Yes, the last one looks to be about a year old now. The others are about two.” Elain frowned. “The first four were cared for, but this time he was left alone to deal with it. What changed?” she wondered more to herself than anything, but it appeared the social worker had the answer.

Emerie handed her another file. “His mother died. It wasn’t in his medical report, but I had some people do a little digging and found the name of his birth parents. Lorenzo and Anastasia Salazar.” Her lips turned down in the corner. “Reviewing everything you’ve given me and the reports I’ve pulled, I’d theorize the abuse came from the father and when he left, the mother took him to seek medical attention off books.”

“Off books?” Elain asked, brows furrowing.

“There’s nothing in his medical history about the abuse. No flags have ever been attached to his profile in the system. So, either they paid off whatever doctor they used, or they had somebody private doing at-home calls.”

Like Azriel’s personal medical team…She was careful to keep her face neutral, but Elain had a feeling that Lorenzo was a part of some gang, if not the Illyrian Mob itself. Sighing, she looked back at the sleeping boy, her heart racing in her chest.

“Should I be looking into other options for him aside from foster care?” Emerie asked carefully, eyes flicking down to her pregnant stomach and then back up.

Elain’s dark gaze met hers. “I don’t know,” she said earnestly.

The social worker seemed to understand. “Tell you what. I’ll prepare both options for you and then you can decide what you want to do after you talk to your husband.”

Something inside her chest unlocked at her words.

A groggy sigh caught their attention and they twisted to see Kaden’s eyes fluttering open. His small whimper had Elain moving, sitting on the edge of his bed to run her fingers through his dark hair.

“Hello, sweetheart,” she murmured.

He looked at her with large, hazel, and green eyes before curling into her side, cuddling close to her.

It took all of Elain’s willpower to not sob in elation that he felt comfortable with her now. How long had he gone without love or affection that he would cling to a near stranger who showed him any sort of warmth?

Emerie smiled, rising from her chair. “I’m going to go start handling some paperwork. Call me if you need anything in the meantime or if anything changes.”

She waved her off, resituating herself on his bed as she gave herself a few more seconds of snuggling this precious boy.

~~~~~

Azriel knew something was bothering Elain the moment she stepped through the elevator door. He could read it on her face, in the half-assed smile she shot him. In the way she picked at the food on her dinner plate.

It frustrated him that when he asked her about work, knowing something was wrong, she lied to his face and said it was fine. It wasn’t fine. Nothing about the way his wife was acting was fine. He just wished she would tell him what it was.

“You need to eat, El,” he tried, keeping his voice soft.

She pushed her plate back. “I’m not hungry.”

He tried not to get irritated—he knew Elain was carrying a lot on her plate with her job and the pregnancy. But he was done with her not being honest with him. Azriel sighed, setting his utensils down on his plate with a clank. “All right. I need you to tell me what’s going on.”

Her dark eyes glanced at him, before returning to stare at her meal. “It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit, Elain. I can tell something is wrong without you even having to say it. It’s written as clear as day on your face. I am your husband. You’re supposed to confide in me. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s the matter.”

Az expected her to relent. To sigh, eyes rolling to the sky and finally tell him everything. What he didn’t expect was for her to burst into tears.

Her face fell into the cradle of her palms as a heart-wrenching sob tore from her throat.

For a moment, he froze, blind-sighted by the sudden emotion. And then the panic swept in. He was out of his seat a second later, moving around the edge of the table to pull her chair back and kneeling in front of her seat. “Hey,” he murmured, rubbing his hands on her thighs. “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He kissed her kneecap, squeezing her legs gently to show her he was there for her.

Elain sniffed, running the back of her hand under her nose. “You didn’t upset me.”

His brows furrowed in confusion. “Then what did, love?”

She let out a shaky breath, hands falling into her lap. He took one in his, gripping it tightly. “I had a patient today with a fractured arm that we had to surgically repair. He was only four, and was brought in alone—no father and the mother died last year.” Elain sniffed again. “I found four other remodeled fractures on him from over the last two years. One of them was on the back of his skull.”

Azriel had a feeling about where this was leading. “Abuse?” he asked, voice carefully soft.

Elain nodded. “It would appear so.” She wet her lips, finally meeting his gaze. “Az, he looks like you. He could be your son.”

His eyes widened, unsure of where she was going but he had a hunch.

“I picked out his Illyrian heritage easily enough, but his circumstances, the way he’s been brutalized…they all remind me of you. Of your past.”

He couldn’t argue with her. Just hearing about the pain that had been inflicted on him reminded Az of his childhood. In how his father and half-brothers tortured him. It took an effort to not glance down at his scarred hands, a physical reminder of the trauma he’d endured. “What’s going to happen to him?”

“I’ve been in touch with Child Protective Services and he will likely go into the foster care system. But, looking at what’s been done to him, in the fact that he refuses to talk, and is terrified of adults, I’m concerned he won’t even be considered for adoption…” She let the words hang there, hoping he’d pick up on the unspoken ones she hadn’t yet said out loud but was hinting toward.

Az cocked his head to the side. “You want to adopt him.” It wasn’t a question—it didn’t need to be one. He could see Elain’s every desire as if it were written on her forehead. She had fallen in love with that child.

She dipped her head in confirmation, lower lip trapped between her teeth.

He squeezed her fingers again, thinking over his next few questions. “Love, I need to ask you something, and I want you to promise me you won’t get upset with me for it. Because I think this question needs to be asked.”

Her tongue darted along her lip, but she nodded for him to continue.

“Could the desire to adopt him have anything to do with your pregnancy? I know you have a lot of hormones running through you right now, and your maternal side is going to be very potent. This isn’t just because of that, right? You truly want him?”

Elain was already shaking her head. “No, it’s not that. He was brought to me for a reason, Az. I can feel it in my gut.” Her small hand cradled her stomach in emphasis.

He kissed her knuckles. “And it’s not because he reminds you of me?” He needed to hear her say it. That she wasn’t trying to save this child because of the similarities, but because she truly wanted to take on another kid.

“I’ve never been one for higher powers, but there’s something about Kaden that has completely unraveled me. He fears people but he trusts me. I know, deep in my heart, he was brought to my hospital because I could give him the life he deserves. That we could offer him something better and love him so fully, he’ll never remember a time where he suffered.” Elain wiped the tear from under her lashes. “He is supposed to be our son, Az. I just know it down to my bones.”

It was a lot to consider. She was halfway through her pregnancy with twins and adopting a third child right now would be insane. But he knew they could do it—that they had the means and the love to give to three children. People might call them mad, but looking at her, he had never seen such determination in her eyes and he could feel it buzzing under his skin. “All right,” he said, squeezing her hand again. “I’ll come to the hospital tomorrow afternoon to meet him.”

Elain’s brown eyes brightened like rays of sunshine. “Really? You mean that?”

“If he’s important to you, then he’s important to me, love. That’s the only thing that matters.” And he meant it too. Azriel would lay the stars at her feet if she asked for them.

More tears ran down her cheeks as she slid off her chair and threw her arms around his neck. He held her close, one hand cupping the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair, and the other running lines up and down her spine.

“Thank you, Az,” she cried, dampening the skin of his throat.

He hushed her sobs, pulling back to hold her cheeks in his palms. “I love you, Elain. All of you. And I would give you anything your heart desires.” His words had her crying in earnest, enough so that it took him a while to calm her down.

Thoroughly exhausted, Azriel carried his pregnant wife up the stairs and put her to bed; a hum of excitement stirring in his chest at what was to come.

~~~

Azriel pulled into a parking spot outside of the hospital at exactly three o’clock. His heart was racing in his chest like he’d just run a marathon, his gut swirling with anxiety. Elain had told him that the boy—Kaden, he reminded himself—was fearful of adults. In particular, males.

What if he didn’t like him? If he was scared of him? The questions had been daunting him all day and if he was being honest with himself, he was worried. He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to form a connection with this child. That he’d only bond with Elain and would resent Az’s presence.

It was fucking irrational, he knew that. But still, the thoughts invaded his mind and refused to let go.

He pulled out his phone and checked the messages from Elain.

Third floor, children’s ICU.

He’s been exceptionally clingy to me today.

Az smiled down at his phone at the second message, picturing the little boy snuggled into his wife’s side when she visited him. Which, was every chance she got.

Taking a deep breath, he climbed out of the vehicle and headed to the front entrance.

The Moonbeam twins had taken up residence in the lobby and spotted him immediately, rising from their seats to greet him.

“Mr. Knight,” Fenrys spoke. “Is everything all right?” he asked, looking over his shoulder into the emergency room concerned.

“Everything is fine. I’m just meeting Elain for an appointment.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. They had decided to forgo telling anyone about the potential adoption until much further into the process, not wanting anyone to try and talk them out of it.

“Of course,” Connall said, stepping aside. “We won’t keep you waiting.”

He offered them a quirk of his lips before heading for the elevator, but he stopped on his way, spying the hospital gift shop. In particular, the stuffed teddy bear in the window. With a glance over his shoulders to make sure nobody had spotted him, he turned into the shop and plucked the bear out of the window display, taking it to the cashier.

A few minutes later, he was riding up to floor three, the soft, plush toy in his grip. Az tugged on the knot of his tie, loosening it around his neck. His hazel eyes spotted Elain across the floor, sitting on the edge of a bed. Her mouth was moving, but she was behind a closed door so he couldn’t hear what she was saying.

Like a moth to a flame, he moved toward her, his heart hammering in his chest as he approached the glass slider and knocked.

Elain’s head snapped up, the most radiant smile pulling on her lips as she beckoned him in with a wave of her hand. Fuck, she was so gorgeous. Even made more radiant by the pregnancy as she entered into the second-trimester glow.

Azriel slid the door open, catching the end of her sentence.

“—someone I’d like for you to meet.”

Her fingers threaded through a dark mop of hair, and he finally let his eyes roam over the small child clinging to her waist.

“Kaden, this is my husband, Azriel. Azriel,” she said, gaze flicking to his with a soft smile. “This is Kaden.”

He looked at the young boy, meeting his stare and offering him a calming smile. “Hello, Kaden. It’s nice to meet you.”

Not a sound. Nothing from him other than turning to bury his face further into Elain’s side.

His heart broke, but Azriel was nothing if not determined, placing the teddy bear on the bed against the railing.

Elain grinned at him, thumb rubbing over Kaden’s cheek. “Did you see what Azriel brought you?” she murmured.

A green eye, flecked with gold peeked out from Elain’s waist, glancing at the plush toy but he didn’t reach for it.

Az sat down on the rolling stool, sliding over to the opposite side of the bed as his wife.

“We were just reading a story,” she announced, handing him the book. “How about Azriel finishes for me?” she murmured, brushing Kaden’s dark hair away from his face. “How does that sound?”

He thumbed open the book, going to the page she indicated they left off on. Clearing his throat, he began to read, using the inflections of his voice to aid him in his efforts to make it engaging. Kaden didn’t move away from his wife the entire time he spoke, but he did eventually turn his head to watch him.

Azriel took in the child in his peripheral, seeing the resemblance of himself. He could see why she had claimed he could’ve been his son. Bearing nearly his identical coloring and many similar markers of his Illyrian heritage, Kaden could easily be mistaken as his biological child.

And yet, it was obvious that Kaden was terrified of him.

He sat there for an hour, reading with him, trying to converse with him, and nothing. Azriel felt like a failure. Rising from his seat, he bid the boy farewell, shooting his wife a sad smile.

“I’ll walk you out,” she told them, ruffling Kaden’s hair before following him out of the room.

“He hates me,” he groaned, stopping in his tracks and scrubbing the heels of his palms over his eyes.

Elain moved to stand in front of him. “He does not hate you, Azriel. He’s just intimidated by you—”

“How is that better?”

She ran a hand up his bicep to grip him around the back of his neck. “You can make yourself less intimidating, Az. You in a suit is a force to be reckoned with, and frankly, I have a feeling his father wore similar attire.”

His brows furrowed. “What makes you say that?”

Her thumb traced over his jaw. “The woman who found him refused to give the paramedics her name. They said she looked terrified to even be talking to them. He’s Illyrian, Az…” her voice trailed off, leading him to the answer.

“You think his father is in the Illyrian Mob.” Not a question but a statement of fact.

“Lorenzo Salazar,” Elain confirmed.

The name didn’t immediately register anything in his brain, but he had something to go off of now. Azriel would look into him, find every single detail about the man’s life, and then decide if he deserved to die for the pain and suffering he put his son through.

“Come back tomorrow in jeans and a plain shirt and I’m sure it will help,” Elain told him, bringing his attention back to her face. Her eyes glanced over his shoulder to the boy in the room, a smile tugging on her lips. “Az,” she whispered, nodding toward the room behind them.

Something warm flared in his chest as he turned, and saw Kaden clutching the teddy bear he brought tightly to his body.

Elain stepped up to his side. “If he was afraid of you, Azriel, he would not be touching that toy. You connected with him, even if you can’t physically see it, but you did.”

A sense of awe washed over him, followed by an overwhelming urge to love and protect that boy. He wasn’t sure how long they stood staring at his sleeping form until he breathed, “I want him, El…I want him to be a part of our family.”

Her soft hand slipped into his, fingers lacing. “So, let’s bring him home.”

With joy and love, they stood watching the boy who would one day soon become their son.

~~~~~

Remember, sharing is caring! Please reblog if you liked the fic. It helps spread my work and I truly appreciate it. 💕

While I have moved most of my fics to AO3 only, I am still going to utilize a tag list here on Tumblr. This as a permanent solution and may change in the future. For notifications, you can follow and subscribe to my fanfic account where I will be reblogging updates and snippets only. You can also find me on ao3. If you would like to be added to my tag list, please leave a comment on this post.

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[bookstaninthesoul]

High Infidelity - Part 1

Storm Coming, Good Husband, Bad Omen

You voted, and here it is! The first part of High Infidelity, my Elriel Friends with Benefits AU. I've been sitting on this for a while and I'm excited to share part 1 with you. Not sure how many more will be after this (as I am still working on it, of course) but there will eventually be at least one more. You'll see why... 😏

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Trigger warnings: language, NSFW

Word Count: 4,119

Read here, or view snippet below.

Elain threaded her slim fingers through the dark mop of hair upon Azriel’s head, her hips gyrating against his wicked, sinful mouth. His tongue lapped at her, toying and teasing her until she was trembling with need. His name passed through her parted lips in a breathy moan. “Azriel.”

He smiled against her—he always did. Elain could feel the way his mouth curled up at the corner against her sensitive slit. He fucking loved bringing her to that blissful edge, over and over, but never letting her cross the finish line until he deemed it time.

“Please, Az,” she pleaded. He’d been edging her with his mouth and fingers for what felt like years, and she was delirious with need.

Those amber eyes, blown wide with lust, peeked up at her through his dark lashes. “Would you like to come, my good girl?” he breathed, her wetness dripping off his chin.

Fucking Azriel was every girl’s wildest dream. The man knew how to pleasure a woman. He was skilled in every arsenal when it came to bedroom habits. Had touched on all of her dirtiest, kinkiest fantasies without missing a beat.

Read More

~~~~~

Remember, sharing is caring! Please reblog if you liked the fic. It helps spread my work and I truly appreciate it. 💕

While I have moved most of my fics to AO3 only, I am still going to utilize a tag list here on Tumblr. This as a permanent solution and may change in the future. For notifications, you can follow and subscribe to my fanfic account where I will be reblogging updates and snippets only. You can also find me on ao3. If you would like to be added to my tag list, please leave a comment on this post.

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[bookstaninthesoul]

Accidental Chemistry Holiday Series - Part 2: Gifts Galore

Happy New Year!! 🍾 I thought we could kick off the new year with my final holiday fic of the season. If you sent me prompts, don't worry! I will definitely try to come back to those in the future. Hey, blink and @elriel-month will be here, right? 😉 A special thank you to @impossiblescissorspeachpaper for sending me this prompt. 💕

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: minor language

Word Count: 2,772

This fic will be posted on AO3 only. Read the beginning below or click here to head to AO3.

Azriel watched as Elain brought in bag after bag of Christmas presents for Oliver.

At his raised brows, she shot him a sheepish smile. “I’ve been saving small bits of my paycheck for a few months now. And there were so many good sales. I saved like $200 on everything.” She shrugged, even as a blush touched her cheeks.

He reached to grab a few of her bags off her shoulder and set them on the table. Money was a sensitive topic for her, and one she didn’t like the dwell on. So, he said instead, “Well, it sounds like you scored a good deal today.”

She dropped her purse on the counter, peeking into the living area where her little one was crawling all over the floor. One of her rare smiles bloomed across her face. It was one she always seemed to get when she watched her son. And sometimes she shot at Azriel when she’d catch him playing with Oliver. A thing of secret, lovely beauty. That’s what he called that particular smile. “Thank you for watching him today. I appreciate it.”

“I was happy to do it,” he admitted, meaning every single word. Az had gotten comfortable with Oliver over the several months of them living there, building a relationship with the boy and his mother. He never imagined himself as a father figure, but something about the fierce protectiveness he felt towards Ollie—and Elain for that matter—the warmth that spread through his chest whenever he got one of those big grins, made him start believing that perhaps it was something he had truly desired after all.

Read More

~~~~~

Remember, sharing is caring! Please reblog if you liked the fic. It helps spread my work and I truly appreciate it. 💕

While I have moved these fics to AO3 only, I am still going to utilize a tag list here on Tumblr. This as a permanent solution and may change in the future. For notifications, you can follow and subscribe to my fanfic account where I will be reblogging updates and snippets only. You can also find me on ao3. If you would like to be added to my tag list, please leave a comment on this post.

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​

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Taglist: 

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[bookstaninthesoul]

Accidental Chemistry Holiday Series - Part 1: A Tree for Three

Merry Christmas!! I had a couple of holiday prompts for my Accidental Chemistry AU, and I wanted to share at least one for Christmas. Don't worry! More holiday prompts should be coming. I'm still working on a few. 🎄❄

The prompt can be found here, thank you @nikethestatue!!

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: minor language

Word Count: 1,323

This fic will be posted on AO3 only. Read the beginning below or click here to head to AO3.

Azriel had never had a Christmas tree since he moved out of Rhys’s parents’ house. Never had a reason for it, nor wanted to deal with the mess of the pine needles after dragging it into and out of the house.

But when he happened to catch Elain scrolling through various Christmas décor images on Pinterest, he decided that perhaps this year would be a good time to start a new tradition. Especially since this would be Ollie’s first Christmas.

He couldn’t be the reason Ollie had a shitty first Christmas.

So, he placed an excessively large order of ornaments, and stockings, and garlands, and everything else to turn his house into Santa’s fucking workshop. But if it made her smile, which she had been prone to doing more and more these days, then it was fucking worth it.

Three days later, his garage held seven delivered boxes of Christmas decorations. The only thing missing—a tree to decorate. Az buttoned his flannel and grabbed the small box he ordered for Ollie, strolling out to the living room where Elain sat on the couch, giggling as her son squealed from the floor.

She glanced up at him, brows raising as she took in his outfit. “Hot date?” she teased, cheeks flushing in that cute way of hers. She’d been doing that around him a lot recently and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t give him some sweet satisfaction.

Az shot her a lazy smile. “Yeah.” Her smile faded. “With my roommate and her cute son.” He pulled the box from behind his back. “Put Ollie in this and let's go get a Christmas tree.”

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~~~~~

Remember, sharing is caring! Please reblog if you liked the fic. It helps spread my work and I truly appreciate it. 💕

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[bookstaninthesoul]

Shadow Puppets

For the amazing @leiaamidala!! I'm your Secret Santa this year, and I hope you love cheesy, Elriel fluff! Thank you for being such an amazing person and a wonderful friend. I wish you a year full of happiness and cheer (and confirmation 😘)!! ❄🎄

This fic is based on the artwork linked here.

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Trigger warnings: minor language. Mostly tooth-rotting fluff

Word Count: 1,136

This fic will be posted on AO3 only. Read here.

Azriel shadow-walked them to the front door of their home from the River Manor. Typically, he preferred to fly. But with Elain two months from giving birth to the twins, and their adopted Illyrian son, flying became too much of a challenge to do so safely. Especially since Kaden was still learning how to properly fly, having not been taught before he was left at the orphanage, nor during his time spent there.

It was something Azriel could relate to more so than anyone else. That fear of flying becomes ingrained into your mind without realizing it until you’re standing on the edge of a cliff with a looming drop before you.

Kaden had tremendously improved since they began their flying lessons, but he still struggled to maintain himself if caught in a wind draft and Azriel preferred not to have his pregnant wife in his arms should he need to save his son.

So, when it was the three of them—soon to be five, gods spare him—he preferred the easier method of transportation. He still couldn’t believe they were going to be a family of five soon. He didn’t know what he did to be blessed with such a beautiful wife and the most perfect children. Lord knows he had done atrocities for the sake of his court. But somehow, through all the darkness surrounding him, Elain saw the light he never knew was shining inside of him.

A soul to match hers.

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~~~~~

Remember, sharing is caring! Please reblog if you liked the fic. It helps spread my work and I truly appreciate it. 💕

While I have moved these fics to AO3 only, I am still going to utilize a tag list here on Tumblr. This as a permanent solution and may change in the future. For notifications, you can follow and subscribe to my fanfic account where I will be reblogging updates and snippets only. You can also find me on ao3. If you would like to be added to my tag list, please leave a comment on this post.

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[bookstaninthesoul]

elriel x mistletoe kissing but it's a human tradition and azriel doesn't understand it

Hello lovely!! Thank you for sending me this cute prompt! 🎄💕 I wrote a little something and posted it on AO3. Link is below. 💗

Under the Mistletoe

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Trigger warnings: minor language. Mostly tooth-rotting fluff

Word Count: 850

Read on AO3. Snippet beneath the cut.

Azriel leaned a hip against the wall as he sipped from his glass of amber liquid. It was the good stuff—it always was the good stuff during the holidays. Rhys made sure of it.

His family had scattered throughout the sitting room, watching a toddler-sized Nyx play with all the new toys he received. His happy squeals and sweet giggles kept the adult’s attention enough for him to sneak into one of the darkened alcoves just to observe the others. And for some peace and quiet. Azriel loved his family, he really did. But they were a loud, rowdy group, of which he was not.

The only person who noticed his absence from the sitting room was the one he was hoping would seek him out. She always seemed to catch him trying to sneak away. It was one of many things they had in common.

“Hiding out?” Elain said quietly, pink lips quirking up.

Azriel slid his gaze over her body, taking in the amethyst-colored gown she wore. Her golden-brown hair glowed like a summer dawn in the gilded fae lights. She was gorgeous. He told her as much, earning a bashful smile in return.

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~~~~~

Remember, sharing is caring! Please reblog if you liked the fic. It helps spread my work and I truly appreciate it. 💕

While I have moved these fics to AO3 only, I am still going to utilize a tag list here on Tumblr. This as a permanent solution and may change in the future. For notifications, you can follow and subscribe to my fanfic account where I will be reblogging updates and snippets only. You can also find me on ao3. If you would like to be added to my tag list, please leave a comment on this post.

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@secretpuppyflower

@justreallybored

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@roseandshadows

@tcursebreaker

@kingravinger

@mis-lil-red

@eloeloeheheh

@fawnandshadows

@swankii-art-teacher

@miss-bee-cat

@bookhhrelaz

@impossiblescissorspeachpaper

@elrielbaby

@lesolehabitantdelalune

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[bookstaninthesoul]

A Match Baked in Heaven

Part Vl

My Mind is Ramblin’

A pair of gorgeous deep green eyes looked back at Azriel. Sharp, perfect features so delicate and precise they might have been etched in marble or glass. Lustrous dark skin. Full lips. Silky black hair.

“Who the fook is this?” Azriel muttered under his breath, looking at the photo. 

“Nuala Raith,” Elain said, “your first match.”

“Wow!” was all he could manage. “For real?”

“I take it you find her attractive?” 

“You take it correctly. Freakin’ gorge she is!”

“Well, I am glad that you are pleased, Mr. Night,” Elain said, her voice a bit dry.

He took the photo, looking at it closely.

“Are all the birds that you match look like that? ‘Cause then I might be very interested in your matchmaking services,”

Elain folded her arms on her chest and looked at him, her face glum.

“Beauty is only skin deep,”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind getting deep into this beauty,” he mused.

Elain blushed as usual, and her expression soured, but she didn’t say anything.

“Can I see more?” he requested.

“More of what?”

“The gals you got!”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“This, this,” she was panting, outraged, “Mr. Night, this is not you Boomble!”

He frowned, “what?”

“Brumble? Trumble?”

“Are you having a stroke?” he queried, somewhat concerned and reached for her hand. She pulled it away.

“No. I am perfectly fine! Those sites, where people go to find matches.”

“Like match.com?”

“No, the other ones, where it’s based on looks! Trimble?”

“If you mean Tinder and Bumble,”

“Yes, those! This is exactly the opposite of that, Mr. Night!”

“Okay, okay!” he raised his hands, trying to placate her.

“No, it seems that you still don't understand the nature of my services–I am not peddling pretty women to lonely men. My services are based on compatibility, mutual interests, chemistry and not just looks!”

“Okay, will you relax?”

“I am relaxed!” she half-shouted.

“Then why is there steam coming out of your ears?”

“I am fine. But I find you exasperating!”

“Hmmm,” he looked at the photo again. “Seems like you got real mad when I commented on how pretty she is,” he noted.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” she argued, indignant.

“I am just making an observation,”

“It’s incorrect, your so-called observation. Of course I want you to find her attractive and I am glad that you did.”

“Yeah, okay,” he concurred reluctantly. 

“This is Nuala’s profile,” Elain handed him a sheet of paper.

“Oh, a footie lover,” he smiled to himself, as he read through it. “A swimmer too…AND a model? Overachiever much.”

Elain didn’t respond, letting him read.

“If you are interested,” she told him at last, “I will arrange it with her and provide you with her number, so you could decide on a date.

“Now, normally, if the date goes well, you go on a few more and if there is a relationship, I would bow out of the arrangement,”

Azriel threw a sharp look at her and immediately said, “but,”

“But my arrangement with you, and the way that Cassian negotiated it, is that it must result in marriage. Therefore, I will be in the loop regarding how the relationship progresses. If things don’t work out between the two of you, then we’ll move on to the next match.”

“Hold on, how much am I paying you for this?” he chortled.

“£30,000,”

“Not cheap, are you,” 

“That’s just for the matches. If you get married, it’s £75,000.”

“Jesus fuck! And my accountant approved this shite? Highway robbery is what it is,” he complained dramatically. 

“You’ll be getting £230 million in return. I think you’ll be fine. Besides, I know how much you are worth,” she notified him with a dismissive shrug.

“Oh you do, don’t you?”

“You aren’t exactly poor.”

“I can get my own wife, for free and not blow 75,000 quid on you,” he grumbled.

“Ha! Right…you just admitted not never having been in a relationship. I am highly doubting that you can find yourself a wife in 4 months considering your record.”

“Anything else you know about me? My sperm count?”

“Not my concern,” she said dismissively. “You aren’t having children with me, so why would I care?”

“Maybe Nuala cares.”

“That’s between you and Nuala.”

“Fine. Set it up,” he told her.

Elain nodded and gave him the folder. Then she stuffed her IPad into her bag and said, 

“Baby boy, let’s go.”

“Okay,” Azriel nodded and called for the bill.

She looked up at him and grinned.

“Shit,” he hissed.

She dissolved in laughter.

“I am not the ‘baby boy’ am I?”

“If you’d like to be the ‘baby boy’, I suppose you could be…”

“How about ‘handsome’?” he proposed.

“No, Mr. Night. I am not calling you ‘handsome’ and we are not doing pet names.”

“Alright beautiful, as you wish,” he agreed calmly.

“Mr. Night,”

“Yes, gorgeous girl?”

“I am this close to firing you as a client,” she clicked her nails.

“Oh, you can do that?” he asked curiously. “Can I fire you?”

“If you wish to, then yes.”

“Something to keep in mind then. Alright, beautiful, get the pugster and we are outta here.”

Elain laughed softly, whispering, ‘the pugster’. Then she reached into her purse and took out a hundred pounds, laying on the table.

“What the fuck is this?” Azriel grunted.

“For the tea,”

“Put that away,” he ordered harshly.

“Why? I,”

“You’ll put your money away,” he interrupted her. “I am a man and I pay when you are with me.”

“Is this a man and a woman thing?”

“It’s my thing. And it’s not negotiable. I am a man and you will do as I say in this matter.”

Elain’s mouth popped open at his tone, but his glare forced her back into her chair and she took the money back nevertheless. She glimpsed the savage that was hiding behind Azriel’s handsome veneer. The creature that grew up on the streets, the creature whose knuckles were permanently scarred from fights, the one who used to resolve his issues with violence, the one who was unyielding and firm in his beliefs.

“Fine, if you want to be macho, go ahead.”

“Oh, you got that right–I want to be macho. Listen, Ms. Archeron–I find it cute when you are all bossy and demanding with me. I will never demean or diminish the work that you do, even if I find it bloody weird. I respect you. Your tenacity, your belief in love and happy endings, as ridiculous as it is, your intelligence–they are very admirable. 

“But for the record, you ought to always remember that I am a male beast that cannot be tamed. And I am a man, which means I will act like a man in all situations that require me to act according to my sex and my values.”

He got up and called out ‘Pinky, let’s go’ at which Piglet immediately stopped his modelling show and trotted after Azriel. Everyone groaned and snapped final photos of the dog, while Elain belted her coat. Azriel extended his hand to her, and while she didn’t know why, but she took it.

“Thank you for the tea,” she told him when they were in the lift.

“My pleasure. Let me message Dev so he could drive the car around.”

“We could walk for a bit,” she proposed quietly. “We need to walk off the pastries and the sandwiches.”

Azriel laughed and said, “How can I refuse my favourite matchmaker?”

-

It was dusk by the time they came out of the Shard. The crowds swell around pubs, especially because the evening was clear and crisp, and the darkening skies were almost cloudless. A breeze came off the river and autumnal browns, oranges and yellows were in full colourful swing. As they walked, Azriel’s huge warm hand wrapped around Elain’s, he kept looking at Halloween decorations around them, and criticised them, telling her that ‘theirs’ were better. Elain couldn’t help but smile at his critique, because he was so wholeheartedly aggressive about it.

The driver, Dev, was going to meet them a few streets down, by the river, and Elain wasn’t in a hurry. It was cute watching Azriel hold Piglet’s lead, as the dog acquainted himself with the new surroundings, eager to explore further.

“Have you thought about what you’d do with your 230 million?” Elain wondered. “It’s a big sum–you could do many different things,”

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it,” Azriel nodded. “I think I will…”

It all happened instantly. But also in slow motion.

Elain was shoved and almost spun around, thrown into Azriel’s chest.

Her bag was torn off her shoulder and a young lad in trainers and a hoodie sprinted ahead of them, clutching the bag to his chest.

He was young, probably a teen, fast and agile, running fast, pushing like an angry bull through the crowds of people. 

It was logical that Elain was a target–she was walking in her high-heeled booties, her skirt, with her large bag and her pug. She made a perfect victim…only the lad underestimated who she was with. 

“What the fuck!?” Azriel bellowed, bounding over Pinky and giving chase. Not to be outdone, the dog ripped his lead out of Azriel’s hand and dashed after Azriel, the lead dragging behind him. 

The mugger looked over his shoulder, his eyes widening, as he realised that he was being pursued by a huge man and a dog. It didn’t matter that the man was wearing leather shoes and a suit–his long legs ate up the road ahead of him with incredible speed. 

The kid was fucking fast.

He ran like Azriel used to run when he was a teen mugger himself. Azriel recognised the patterns, the parcour-like ability to skirt around pedestrians, jump over any obstacle, propel himself against walls, but Azriel was an athlete and a runner with over twenty years of experience. The kid was good, but Azriel was bigger and had longer legs and extreme stamina. He was a fast fucker.

“Pinky, what the fuck are you doing?!” Azriel gasped in shock, seeing how the three-legged pug was keeping up and was running alongside him.

The pug only glanced at him sideways and continued running.

People were yelping and crying out in alarm, falling by the wayside, and allowing the chase to continue, and that gave Azriel the opportunity to gain on the kid. 

“Oh ya little cunt, stop!” he shouted, seeing as the mugger was panting loudly now, his face dripping in sweat, the thick hoodie probably making him extra uncomfortable. “Just,” Azriel leapt ahead, “fucking,” and tackled the kid on the ground, “stop!”

His fist connected with the lad’s sweaty red face and he punched him hard. 

His knuckles sang back in pain, but he punched him again, making his man’s head snap to the side. The kid howled, and Azriel slapped him hard, though he no longer used his fist.

“Who the fuck do you think you are grabbing my girl’s purse, you arsehole?” he ripped the purse out of the mugger’s clutching arms, and slapped him again.

“Get off me!” 

“Get off you? I am gonna break your jaw, you bloody fool!”

“Awww, come on, mate! Stop it!” the kid cried out like a little bitch, crying and spitting. “Stop hitting me!”

“You don’t know what hitting is,”

At that moment, Pinky bounded forth, and landed on top of the unfortunate bloke, his sharp little teeth sinking into the sleeve, and then into the arm that stole Elain’s bag.

“AAAAAAAAAAAaahhh!” the guy screamed loudly, while the pug latched onto his arm, and wouldn’t let go.

“Is it rabid?!!” he screamed in terror.

“You are fucking rabid, you douchebag. Don’t call my dog rabid!”

“Get it off me!” He tried to shake Piglet off, but without success.

“Be grateful he isn’t biting your cock,” Azriel said calmly, rising to his feet.

“You got the bag back, fucking let me go!” the guy shouted.

“Oh, you think I shouldn’t call the cops?” Azriel taunted, as he wiped his brow.

Meanwhile, Piglet finally let go of the arm, but now he was going into a full body shake, jumping and bouncing, snarling and snapping his teeth, his whole demeanour definitely saying Oh, you want to fight me? Come on you punk ass bitch! Come on and fight me! Yolo!

“Alright, Rambo, let’s go,” Azriel picked the dog up, “let’s go to Ellie. She is worried about us. Let’s go get our girl.”

“Fuck, it’s you!” the kid suddenly exclaimed, his eyes wide. “I knew it! It’s you!”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s me,” Azriel muttered. “Seriously, mate, if you are about to make a scene, I will fucking break my leg on your arse,”

“But it’s you!!” smearing blood all over his face, the wannabe mugger kept pointing at Azriel, star struck at once. “I can’t believe it’s you! None of my mates will believe this!”

“Well, boo-freakin’-hoo. I don’t care,”

“Can I have an autograph?!” the guy asked excitedly.

“Are you serious  right now?” Azriel raised his brow at him. Pinky was still trying to escape his grip and go back to savaging the mugger, so Azriel held on tight, pressing the pug to his chest.

“I am telling you this dog is rabid!” the guy shook his finger at Pinky, which was greeted by more teeth snapping. 

“Don’t rile him up!” Azriel ordered. “My woman is gonna have my head if something happens to him.”

“Sign something for me,” the guy whined.

“Oh fuck off! I am not signing shit for you. Be grateful I am not calling the cops. Also, shouldn’t have stolen my girl’s purse,” he shrugged. 

“I didn’t know she was your girl!” the mugger cried defensively.

“Sucks to be you. Piss off. I think some of these people are definitely calling the cops on you.”

“Sure no chance of an autograph?”

“You have about three seconds before my fist reacquaints with your face,” Azriel warned.

In the distance, they heard the frantic slapping of feet and Elain’s fast running, as she cried mournfully ‘Piglet! Piglet! Mr. Night!’

Piglet surged in Azriel’s arms and Azriel released him at last, as the pug catapulted towards Elain. 

In the next minute or so, Azriel saw her turning the corner, Piglet under her arm, running wildly towards him, her shoes in her hand. 

“Hey beautiful,” Azriel opened his arms to her and she flew into him so hard, he stumbled back.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” she kept muttering, her hands exploring his body feverishly, her face pale and eyes terrified. “Are you okay? Tell me you are okay!”

“I am okay,” he assured her gently, stroking her head, “I am just fine. Here is your purse,”

He handed her the purse and she rolled her eyes, crying, “it’s not worth it! It’s just an IPad! Some money…I don’t care…I don’t care about any of this!”

“Well, no one steals your stuff on my watch,” smiled down at her, drawing his knuckles over her cheek.

“What if he had a knife!” she exclaimed.

“Well, then he is fucking dumber than he looked, because it’s pointless to bring a knife to a fist fight with me,” Azriel smiled.

“What are you talking about?! He could’ve hurt you!”

“Lassie, I was in a gang. I can handle myself and some lad who snatches purses isn’t exactly a threat.”

“You run really fast,” she murmured in admiration, her cheeks slightly pink, her hair wild and undone. She shifted on her bare feet and Azriel tsked, shaking his head.

“Are you out of your mind, beautiful? What are you doing?”

“I had to,” she mumbled, “I had to run…I didn’t know what happened to you…to Piglet. I…don’t know…” she added quietly. “I couldn’t…if something happened to you…”

“Nothing happened to me,” he wrapped his arm around her waist and lifted her off the ground.

People started applauding. Some snapped photos. The fighting pug in a Burberry jacket also got a lot of attention. He didn’t mind it. He rubbed against Azriel’s ankles, whimpering and snorting softly, happy that his Elain was okay.

“You can put me down,” Elain whispered, blushing and squirming against Azriel’s broad chest and within the circle of his iron arms. Goodness gracious! He had a lot of muscles. He was so big…with so many muscles…so firm…so heavy…she loved his weight…how solid he was…

“Naw, pretty matchmaker, I am hauling your plump arse all the way to the car, so we don’t get into any more misadventures.”

“All the way to the car?!” 

“All the way–you are not walking barefoot here, and you were stupid enough to take your shoes off. Were you gonna beat him to death with your shoe?” he teased, adjusting her in his arms, and wrapping Pinky’s lead around his wrist. These two could not be trusted with their own safety. They had the same amount of common sense–and it wasn’t much.

“I couldn’t run in them!” she hissed. “But I can put them back on.”

“Those are nice expensive shoes and you aren’t putting your gross dirty feet in them.”

“Ohmygod, I don’t have gross, dirty feet!”

“You literally just ran barefoot for three-four blocks on the streets of London. You need to be hosed down.”

“You are so mean and nasty!”

“And yet, here I am carrying you in my arms to the car.”

People stared at them, at Elain’s shoeless feet, and her torn hose, and watched the two of them with surprise, while many probably recognised him, but Azriel walked quickly, before anyone could stop him.

Elain was lighter than he thought she would feel, but she was also soft and cuddly, like a stuffed animal. Compared to the women he usually dealt with, it was obvious that she’d never passed an apple crumble that she didn’t love, but he didn’t mind that at all. In fact, he pressed his face into her hair and inhaled. She shifted in his arms, feeling his lips on her head, but he didn’t say anything and just pressed her closer. 

Why did she attract him?

WHY?

There was nothing in her that should’ve appealed to him whatsoever, and yet, here he was, drawn to her in some inexplicable way. He didn’t even like her. He wanted to make fun of her. She was irritating. She was snooty. Most of the time, she drove him crazy. She had a bad attitude. She wasn’t impressed by his fame and accomplishments. He was pretty sure that she didn’t even like him much. Yet, here he was, fighting the desire to message Dev and tell him to drive around for a bit, so he could continue carrying her in his arms.

“Mr. Night,” she said after a long stretch of silence, where she just burrowed herself into his chest.

“Yes, beautiful?”

She cleared her throat in warning, and he corrected himself, “Ms. Archeron?”

“Please promise me that you are not going to make stupid, impulsive decisions anymore. Especially not in my name,”

“What’s the fun in that then?” he chuckled.

“I am serious. You have a goal–you need to be married by March, and that’s what we’ll concentrate on. You cannot risk yourself or your well-being for silly things. You need to be in tiptop shape mentally and physically. So, promise!” she insisted.

“Naw, darlin’. I ain't promising nothing like that.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause things change and I don’t know what’s gonna happen. What if I fall for you? What if you fall for me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

He shrugged and continued,

“Also, there is a matter of Pinky,”

“What about him?” Elain demanded, immediately alarmed.

“We need to figure out some type of joint custody agreement, because,”

“Excuse me?!!” she fumed. “He is mine! Why are you even interfering?!”

“Sorry, darlin’, but Pink likes me. I am the male figure in his life. We need each other,”

“He doesn’t need you!”

“Well, I beg to differ, but also, he needs me.”

“Forget it. After this is over, you can’t see him.”

“Pfff, right! Are you gonna stop me?” he challenged, pretending like he was about to drop her and she screamed and threw her arms around his neck, while he threw his head back and laughed.

“You bloody wanker! What the hell?!” Elain cried out, slapping his shoulder. 

“Can’t argue with facts. I am a wanker,”

“Eww I don’t want to know!” she even attempted to cover her ears, but he noticed her hot, flaming cheeks, which was his favourite way of hers to be. 

“Been going through a bit of a dry spell, if you know what I mean,” he grinned. “Where should I take Nuala?” he then pondered.

“I am not giving you dating advice!” she ground out. “Normal people go out for drinks.”

“And abnormal people?”

“You’d know more about that.”

Azriel slowed down and Elain turned her head and saw Dev standing next to the Bentley. The chauffeur opened the door and smirked,

“Rough tea?” he asked, seeing as Elain was being carried and missing her shoes.

“You could say that,” Azriel nodded, while Piglet made his way inside the car and settled by the window. “My lass here was mugged and then she murdered the mugger with her shoe.”

“Ahh,” Dev didn’t seem surprised.

“I did not!!!” Elain screeched.

Dev smiled cryptically and said, “it’s alright, miss, I get it. Plausible deniability and all.”

“Seriously, you are going to throw some legal jargon at me?” Elain asked incredulously.

Azriel deposited her inside the car and slapped Dev’s shoulder.

“It’s alright, love. Dev is an old mate of mine. We grew up in the same place. He knows a lot about the law. And how to avoid any trouble with it.”

“Good to know,” Elain muttered and moved in her seat closer to Piglet.

Azriel slid in beside her and Dev took his seat behind the wheel. The car took off towards the bridge and Elain looked out the window, gently stroking Piglet’s back. 

He was her good boy today. So brave. So fearless. Sometimes she wondered if anyone else loved her as much as Piglet loved her.

Azriel looked at Elain and her beautiful, dishevelled hair, her gloriously gorgeous face, and when his eyes dipped lower, the question that he'd been asking himself the whole day was answered.

Her skirt had ridden up on her soft thigh, and in the slit of the trench, he saw that she was indeed wearing stockings. The lacy top wrapped around the pale skin of her thigh and was held up by a garter belt. It was gorgeous. The whole thing was gorgeous–her skin, the soft fat of her thigh, the nude lace, the fishnet of the stocking, and Azriel couldn't tear his eyes away from her. For the first time since he met her, he found himself wanting to touch her. Like that. He wondered what she’d taste like: her lips, her skin, her nipples. What she’d look like naked. What she’d sound like when he entered her. How her lovely face would flush. What her moans would be like as she came all over his cock.

Nope.

Absolutely not.

She was the matchmaker. And he wasn’t going there. Ever. Never.

So he smiled at her and then gently covered her exposed leg with her skirt and her coat.

Enough.

Enough now.

-

It was Sunday morning. Piglet clawed at the bed, whining softly.

“It’s too early!” Elain moaned heavily, to which Piglet responded with a decisive bark.

“Aw, no barking!” she ordered, rubbing her temples. 

Damn Halloween party.

Damn dog, who knew no peace.

Piglet clawled at the bedsheets, demanding that she wake up, give him food, cuddles, put a bow on him, take him out and in general, devote as much of her as possible to him. 

“Piglet, not now,” she barked back at him.

He growled and butted the bed, and Elain threatened, “I swear, I will take you to the pound!”

At that, he gasped in shock and stepped back, before dramatically hanging his big round head and starting sniffing and crying pug tears. Then, he slowly turned around and just as slowly walked to the door, all the while throwing pensive looks over his shoulder, to make sure that she was watching him and that she was feeling bad. 

His bed was located at the top of the staircase, in an alcove, where he slept, keeping vigilant of any intruders, ready to attack, while having Elain nearby. She didn’t let him sleep in her bedroom, because…well, he was a pug, and he made a lot of pug noises. He snorted, he grunted, he panted. He farted. He liked to talk to himself in his yippy pug language. Sometimes he freaked out over nothing, and ran in circles just for the fun of it. In general though, he didn’t mind having his own space, and he liked his domain and his plush dog bed. But the mornings belonged to him and he needed attention.

How he knew what the ‘pound’ was, Elain had no idea, but that was the greatest threat that she could throw his way. Even the mere mention of it made him act like she actually took him there and left him. 

“Pig-let,” she called him.

He didn’t respond.

“I am sorry. Come back.”

She knew that he needed a good fifteen minutes to calm down and live down the insult.

Even though she didn’t want to, she finally got up and went to shower.

The party at Feyre’s last night was pretty wild. It was mostly the bohemian crowd that Feyre hung out with–artists, musicians, tattoo artists, performers, even people who performed in sex clubs. Feyre told Elain in no uncertain terms that she wasn’t permitted to wear pearls. Sometimes, her sister had the most bizarre notions about what and who Elain was. Kind of like Mr. Night.

And just like that, he popped into her head. 

Why? Because he did chivalrous things like fight a mugger, or hold doors for her, or carry her in his arms, or keep her freezing feet in his hands, while they were in the car? Or was it because he did oddly romantic things too, like taking her out for tea, and gently talking her through her sadness and staying on the phone with her? Or was it that checked in with her every night via text, to make sure that she was home and safe? 

He was a pest. A worm that burrowed his way into her brain: a song that she couldn’t turn off. No one else affected her like this! Never before. Certainly none of her clients. And that’s what he was–her client. Even thinking about him outside of their business arrangement was unprofessional. 

And yet, she loved the feeling of elation every time her phone dinged and a message came from him. She loved that he started following Piglet’s IG page, under the handle of FootieFreak–she just knew that it was him, because who else could it be? He sent her random, rambling messages. They were sincere, but she knew that writing wasn’t his forte. He made adorable grammatical mistakes and his writing style felt strained, as if he wasn’t good at expressing himself, let alone expressing himself in writing. But it also felt like he was making an effort, just for her. He also sent her long and pointless stats about football, and profanity-filled rants about training or players. Elain found it cute.

And therein lay the problem.

She was developing an attachment to this man.

His uncouth, brash, but fun and funny, uncontrolled manner was unusual, but also felt fresh and endearing, and he always kept her amused and entertained. He wasn’t exactly hard to look at either. The man was criminally good looking. Wild and untamed and savage. He had no finesse, wasn’t particularly well educated, or polished, but he also had charisma, peculiar confidence and a wild sort of attitude that could be considered elegantly feral. 

And Elain hated that she was attracted to him. Because she knew that it could never go anywhere. It frustrated her, just like he frustrated her, but what was she supposed to do? She couldn’t just put an end to her attraction to him, it wasn’t exactly like corking a bottle, but she supposed that she could not act on it. She was a professional, after all, and she’d just grin and bear it, just like she always did.

Elain, the peacemaker. Elain, the one who was soft and smiley and gentle. Elain, the matchmaker. Elain, the flower grower. Elain, the plump, old-fashioned, awkward beauty who never knew how to play all her assets up. 

Whatever. Life was for others. At least she had Piglet.

She wrapped herself in a terry robe and tied a towel around her hair. Grabbing her phone, she went to the landing, and saw Piglet burying his face in his bed, his ass turned towards her, still holding a grudge. He didn’t turn when she called him, and she had to grovel and ask her pug for forgiveness. He was still pouting when she simply went over and picked him up, and then went downstairs, while he attempted to snap at her. 

She let him out in the garden, and he did his business quickly, because it was cold and drizzling, and then he was ready for breakfast. To appease him, Elain cooked some ham especially for him, and sliced up an apple and a carrot–his favourites–and considered making his all time beloved meal of chicken and rice for dinner. She scrambled eggs for both of them, though Piglet’s didn’t have any salt or pepper or spices, but he was fine with that. ‘The pound’ was soon forgotten, because he was busy eating and having a good time.

She sat at the table that overlooked her pretty garden and sipped her coffee.

The thing was that she’s been agonising over this since yesterday. She fingered her phone, contemplating. It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean anything if she sent it to him. It was just a photo. It was just a fun photo of her in her costume. Why couldn’t she send it to him? Yeah, technically, she’d never send the photo to any of her other clients–obviously–but was Azriel Night one of her usual clients? No. She didn’t go to tea with her clients. And Piglet didn’t jump on them either. Piglet typically avoided her clients and preferred to sit in his lounge and nap or watch videos. But Piglet wouldn’t leave Azriel’s side.

And that gave Elain her first brilliant idea.

She pulled up a photo from last night and sent it to Azriel, forbidding herself from any further thinking or doubting. She was just going to do it.

Piglet was a Piglet last night, she wrote.

And then she put the phone down, convincing herself that she didn’t care if Azriel responded.

The problem was that he responded very quickly and she grabbed the phone instantly, reading the response.

Beautiful, you have no imagination. You dressed a pug that you named Piglet as a pig.

Elain snorted. Of course he was going to critique her!

Well, I think it’s cute!!!!!

In a few moment he responded,

That’s a very aggressive usage of exclamation points. 

Tell me that he looks cute! She demanded.

😀

He looks cute, Azriel conceded. He is the cutest dog in London. He looks good in any costume.

That made Elain smile. He wasn’t wrong about that.

Can you show me what my favourite matchmaker was wearing for Halloween?

The unexpected request was straightforward. Bold.

No.

Come on, beautiful. You can do it. I know you want to.

Stop calling me that!!! And I don’t want to.

Yes you do. I bet you are proud of your costume.

She was. It was very daring, her costume.

Biting her lip, Elain gnawed on her thumb, as she looked through her photos. They looked good. Her costume was that of a sexy Little Red Riding Hood–she wore a very short pleated red skirt, black tights, kneehigh black boots and a bustier. She draped herself in a bright red cape and put on dramatic makeup with bright red lipstick and dark, smokey eyes. When she stepped into Feyre’s loft, Feyre barely recognised her. It was Piglet who was the giveaway. He bounded in in his pink piggy suit and Feyre almost smothered him to death with hugs. He actually began growling at her, and she had to give him a banana to placate him. He spent the rest of the evening dodging aggressive huggers and playing ‘the Pleading Pug’ card, when he saw someone holding cheese or sausages, before finally falling asleep under the table.

Elain sorted through the photos. Some were silly and taken out of context they would look odd, though she didn’t think that Azriel would care. You’d think she was a massive boozer, considering how she held some kind of drink in every shot. She did get a bit rowdy last night, but it was a good mix of people, and she was pretty relaxed. But she wondered throughout the evening what it would be like to have Azriel there. As her date. 

Her business phone dinged and she frowned. It was Sunday. Who the heck was ringing her on a Sunday morning?

*Nuala Wraith* 

Elain frowned, debating whether she should pick up, but eventually she did, though she was frowning. 

“Elain?”

“Good morning, Nuala. Is everything okay?”

Nuala wasn’t the type to ring on weekends.

“Yes, yes. I am sorry I am bothering you on a Sunday.”

“It’s alright,” Elain lied. “How can I help?”

Nuala’s voice sounded excited. It was like she was panting. 

“Azriel Night…” Nuala said breathlessly. 

“Yes…oh god, what did he do?” Elain winced to herself. Jesus. She didn’t even know where to begin thinking about what might have happened.

“This man,” Nuala continued. “Is perfect!!!” the last part came out as a snorty sort of squeal.

“I am sorry?” Elain winced again, this time in confusion.

“You’ve met him, right?” Nuala demanded.

“Well, yes, of course.”

“So did you not notice that this man looks like a god? He is brilliantly funny. I was laughing all night through!”

“Oh, you went on the date?”

“Yes! Two in fact.”

“Two dates?”

“We went on Friday–just drinks, but we stayed talking until closing time and then he drove me home and,”

A wave of heat suddenly flushed over the entirety of Elain’s body.

Hot, sweaty wave of embarrassment and dread.

What was Nuala about to tell her?! What if she was going to start talking about the incredible sex that she and Azriel had after their first date. What if she was going to go into gruesome details? Was she going to describe his…appendage?

“And he is just such a gent, you know. Dropped me off right at my doorstep,” Nuala kept going without taking a breath, “and…I was surprised, you know,”

“About what?”

“Well,” she laughed softly, somewhat shyly. “It’s…embarrassing, really…but I was definitely putting out signals, you know?”

“Oh,”

“Yeah. If he was keen, I was keen too. Is that bad?”

“No. You are adults,” Elain assured her feebly. “But…he, didn’t,”

“No, he didn’t pick up what I was putting down, if you catch my drift.”

“Yeah, I understand,” Elain confirmed through slightly gritted teeth. Why was she so irritated? Wasn’t this what she wanted? For Azriel and Nuala to find their matches and live happily ever after.

“I mean, from all the stories that I’d read about him in the Daily Mail back from 5-10 years ago, it seemed that he was Mr. Orgy,”

Elain blushed to herself.

He did have a reputation. She considered discussing it with him when they were at the Shard, but then she didn’t find it in herself to broach the subject. However, Nuala was correct–Azriel had a reputation for someone who had a chequered and questionable sexual history. Involved in an orgy was a fairly common comment to read in relation to him.

“But you went on a second date?” Elain confirmed.

“Yeah!” Nuala, normally composed and quiet, seemed very unlike herself. Giddy and jolly and hyper. 

“And the conversation was good?” Elain pressed.

“Oh yeah! It was so easy. We didn’t talk about anything serious, but it was lovely,”

Elain chuckled, “what, no talks about baby names and how many children he wants?”

Nuala paused, and even though Elain couldn't see her it seemed like she was perplexed by the comment.

“What do you mean? No, we haven't talked about children! He doesn’t strike me as someone who’s ever thought of baby names!” she laughed at the ludicrousness of the suggestions.

Elain laughed nervously, and quickly agreed, “No, no. I just thought that since it went so well…”

“No, no! We didn’t get that far. We talked about footie and stuff,”

“Haha,” Elain huffed, “were you subjected to one of his Chelsea related rants?! How horrid their defence is and how,”

“Oh, he talks about that?” Nuala seemed amused. “He was very complimentary of everything and everyone…”

Hmmm. Well, that was interesting. Was he just playing Mr. Nice Guy with Nuala? Or was he just dumping all his aggravation and hopes and dreams into Elain’s lap for some reason?

Excitedly, Nuala announced, “we are going on our third date on Tuesday!”

“You are? Moving quickly!”

“He is amazing. We went to this nice intimate Spanish tapas place in Maida Vale–the neighbourhood was kind of dodgy and I didn’t even know why he was taking me there, but then, the place was absolutely incredible. The owner cooked all our food to order!! Just him. No one else in the kitchen. The most adorable and cosy place. I have no idea how Azriel even knew about it, but I’ve never been on a date like that.”

“I am almost jealous,” Elain laughed a totally fake laugh. “It does sound incredible!”

“It was…we had fried sardines and chorizo stuffed dates, and two pitchers of Sangria!” she paused and then said, almost shyly,

“Honestly Elain, when you told me ‘Azriel Night’ I was doubtful. My first thought was–what is Elain thinking with this? But you…god, you know what you are doing, don’t you? That’s why you are the Rolls Roys of matchmakers and it’s so difficult to even get an appointment with you. You just…know. I am sorry I doubted you.”

The words warmed Elain’s heart. Regardless of her personal feelings on the matter, she was proud of what she did. Of the 80+ couples who found their happiness with each other because of her. In fact, she did know what she was doing. She knew how to match people, and what made them tick. How they fit. She’s had this gift since she was a little girl, and she was lucky to put it in motion when she was in Uni, and then, actually carve a career for herself doing what she loved. A lucrative career, where she was able to make quite a comfortable living for herself, while bringing joy to others. 

But now, she had an almost pathological need to know. So she asked,

“So the Spanish restaurant went well, since you two are already almost on date three. Anything else?”

Nuala laughed.

“Did we do it?”

“Oh my, Nuala, I would never pry like that!” Elain gasped. She was definitely prying though.

“No, I know, Elain! Sorry. I am just joking. We didn’t though. Not so much as a kiss,” Nuala sighed. “I mean, he took me home and then he kissed me on the cheek. Who even kisses on the cheek nowadays?”

Elain smiled.

Azriel Night apparently.

“He kissed you on the cheek?”

“He did,” Nuala laughed. “He is very respectful. I think he is cautious, because he is a public figure. Maybe he doesn't want to rock the boat and make assumptions? You know how footballers are often accused of things. Perhaps it takes time to cross that line,”

“Yeah, you might be right. Now that I think about it, that could be the reason,” Elain nodded to herself.

“Anyways! I don’t want to take up any more of your time. I am sorry for ringing on a Sunday, but I just wanted to share how things were progressing.”

“Thank you. Keep me posted. Good luck.”

It seemed that her time with Mr. Night would be shorter than expected.

Elain wouldn’t have been surprised if Nuala was scrolling through Pinterest, looking at wedding dresses and ideas.

“Have a nice day, Elain!”

“You as well.”

Elain put aside the phone and looked out into her garden. 

The rain was coming hard now, beating down the glass like tears.

She picked up her personal phone and saw a message.

Where is my photo, beautiful?

3 minutes later.

Still waiting…

2 minutes later.

What did I do? You don’t need to send it to me if you are shy. Though I’d like to see it.

She sighed and said loudly,

“Piglet, we are going out.”

Piglet raised his head and gave her a doubtful look, after he glanced out the window and saw all that rain.

“Come on,” she slapped her thighs and got up. “You are a dog, you are fine.”

She looked back at her phone and then turned it off completely.

[bookstaninthesoul]

A Court of Blood & Mercy - Ch.12 - “Heaven’s Kiss & Hell’s Slice” now up!

[bookstaninthesoul]

That's a damn WRAP on "The Pointe of Love!" 🩰🫀🦢🌹🌙

Chapter 16 - "I'm In Love With You Too" now up.

[bookstaninthesoul]

Resilience and Roses

CHAPTER TEN — YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES

Read on AO3

Masterlist

This chapter can be read as a stand-alone or in order with the others.

Pairing: Elain/Azriel

Summary: Azriel returns from a lengthy mission, defeated and tired. After Elain and Azriel share a few surprises with each other, Elain tries to help Azriel relax.

Word Count: 3.6k

Photo from My Garden: Lamb’s Ear “Helen von Stein”

Azriel willed his tired wings to beat the air, each overtaxed muscle aching from exhaustion. There was a slight chill to the late spring breeze that swept through the blue skies around him, but the blazing sun and long flight left him overheated and irritable.

He wouldn’t have made the journey all at once had he been any less exasperated from the mission, but after what he’d been through, Azriel craved the comfort of home and was willing to put his body through hell to get there.

And now that Rhys and Feyre’s massive, freshly built estate was within his line of sight, relief swept through him, even though he knew true rest would elude him there as well.

Azriel still had hours of reports to sift through and directives to write and dispense to his team of spies. And then there was the matter of admitting his failure to Rhys and scrounging up another plan to get the information they needed.

Closing in on the manor, his sour mood lightened as he looked toward the expansive back garden and caught a glimpse of a berry-red dress and golden-brown hair glinting in the sunlight, the loose waves flowing out from beneath a wide-brimmed hat.

As he drew closer, he could tell Elain was collecting flowers and foliage and placing the stems in a bucket of water. Azriel smiled with both admiration and sadness, knowing exactly what she was doing—preparing to assemble small bouquets for Feyre, who would give them to the children who attended her art studio.

When he’d first come upon her gathering the first blooms of early spring, Elain had told him she hoped the flowers would bring some small amount of joy and healing to children who received them, whether they kept them for themselves, gave them away to friends or family, or left them at the resting place of a loved one who’d been lost to the war.

He also knew that each time she did this, she would make her own bouquet to leave at her father’s headstone. It would be a trying day for her. Visits to the gravesite often rendered her silent and dismal for hours after she returned.

But there were no signs of despair on her face when the brim of her hat tipped upward and she met his gaze with a brilliant smile.

Azriel touched down with a graceless drop, the sharp impact stinging his knees. He rolled his shoulders, stretching his sore muscles and folding in his wings at last.

“Welcome home, Azriel,” Elain said as she stood upright from adding another cluster of flowers to the bucket beside her.

Pruning shears still in hand, she shifted on her feet and grabbed her wrist. It was a gesture of restraint, as if she wanted to run into his arms as much as he was yearning to hold her.

When Azriel returned from his travels, he never greeted Elain as Cassian often would, by pulling her into a tight hug, and he didn’t press a quick kiss to her cheek as Rhys occasionally did, because he knew if he allowed himself that much, he would hold her close until he was tasting her perfect lips and his ruined hands were gently tracing her curves. Until he was begging to give her everything.

Elain’s observant doe eyes took one quick pass over his body, surely noticing his posture and the shadows that circled in rushing streams of smoky black. “It didn’t go well,” she said. Not a question—an understanding.

“It didn’t,” he said gravely. “I was met with dead end after dead end.” Azriel blew out a sharp breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “Three miserable weeks away and little to show for it. A waste.”

Every failure was personal—evidence of his incompetence, an insinuation that he did not deserve his place in his court, a place among his family.

“Your worth isn't bound to whatever information you did or didn’t find,” Elain said with that soft, calm reassurance that began to soothe the jagged, open wound of self-disgust within him.

“I brought something back for you,” he told her as he reached into his shadows and withdrew the small bouquet he’d made for her.

It wasn’t lush or colorful like the assortment of flowers that sat in Elain’s shallow bucket of water. His bouquet was nothing more than the skinny tip of a tree branch, laden with leaves and unusual fruit, tied up with a tangle of wildflowers he’d swiped from the edge of the forest, yet the look in her eyes was awestruck as if she were gazing upon the most precious jewels.

“I love it, Azriel,” she breathed. “Thank you.”

“The yellow ones—there are entire fields of them,” he said. “And most of the others grow along the borders of woodlands. The forests are mostly made up of tall, leafy trees, with small streams passing through them, and some of the trees bear fruit, like this.” He nodded toward the twig he’d snapped from one such tree. “Much of the land is covered in gray, snow-capped mountains so high that little can grow there at all.”

He knew how Elain longed to travel and his descriptions of far-off landscapes always captured her interest. Whenever he’d settled in from his travels, she would consistently ask to hear about the cities he visited and the surrounding wilderness.

“I thought this might help you imagine it,” he said, explaining his motivation behind assembling the bouquet rather than simply buying a more attractive arrangement from a vendor. “But if you want, I can ask Rhys to show you through his memories.”

“No, this is perfect,” she said, her eyes still flitting from bloom to bloom as she carefully admired each wildflower. “It sounds breathtaking. Maybe I’ll see it for myself one day.”

“Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to be the one who gets to take you there.”

Their eyes met with so many unspoken questions heavy in the cool air between them.

“I have something to show you at the town house,” she said. “Later tonight, or maybe tomorrow, once you’re settled in and rested.”

“We’ll go now,” Azriel said firmly.

Elain’s eyes flashed with surprise. “Wouldn’t you like to give your wings a break?”

“I’d like to see it now.” Besides his own curiosity, he would never turn down a chance to fly with her, no matter how much his body was pleading for rest. “I have enough power replenished to travel there through shadow, and then I’ll fly us back.”

Before she could reason against it, he clasped her hand and his shadows swallowed them and seconds later, they reappeared before the town house’s large garden, just beyond the back door.

All at once, Azriel’s attention was captured by swaths of pale pink flowers, held up by long stems that rose above the green of new growth that was still emerging from the ground. The finely manicured shapes of the usual evergreens served as a backdrop to the awakening garden.

“The tulips from the fall,” he said in realization.

Azriel didn’t fight the grin that spread across his face.

Months ago, he had joined Elain in the garden, the two of them bundled in warm cloaks to shield against the chill of fall, and together they had dug shallow trenches into the ground and laid two hundred tulip bulbs scattered in sweeping clusters about the flower beds.

He still remembered the rich smell of the loamy soil as he tamped it down while burying the bulbs. And once they’d finished the task, there had been no visible sign of their toiling beyond patches of freshly turned earth.

The flowers did not grow naturally in Prythian and the bulbs they planted had been imported from the continent. They’d looked like little more than onions to Azriel, but Elain assured him they would each give life to beautiful flowers in the spring, and the display before him was proof she had been right.

Azriel knelt down before a tulip and slid the silky petals between his fingertips. It didn’t seem possible that he had any part in this, in the cultivation of something so delicate and beautiful.

“They’ll bloom for a few weeks,” Elain told him. “About four if we’re lucky, and they’ll return every spring.”

“It was worth it,” he said.

It was worth it to bring her here to see them now. It had been worth it to plant them in autumn to see the joy they brought to her eyes today. And he knew with each coming spring, he wouldn’t be able to see the tulips without remembering the way she’d gently wiped a dark smear of soil from his cheek in the garden that day, or how they’d rushed back into the sitting room afterward, spreading a thick blanket over their laps and drinking cup after cup of hot tea to warm themselves from the cold.

Elain led Azriel through the garden to show him the progress she’d made while he was away and the seedlings she was growing in a cold frame.

“Let’s get back home so you can settle in,” she said, once they’d completed their quick tour of the garden. “Don’t bother with the shield.”

“I can handle it,” he said, a bit defensively, reluctant to admit to his utter exhaustion.

“I know, but I’d like to feel the wind,” she replied with a glimmer in her eyes.

He couldn’t deny her. So he swept her up in his arms and took to the skies without any shield, as she’d requested. When they left the ground, Elain clung to him tightly as they ascended higher and higher. He checked her face for any signs of fear, but only found the most joyous smile and eyes that were bright with wonder.

“This is incredible,” she said as Azriel’s wings caught the breeze and they began to soar smoothly through the air.

“It is,” Azriel agreed, allowing himself a moment to hold her just a bit tighter.

He loved seeing her like this, in his arms, flushed and beaming with exhilaration, her long hair whipping wildly behind them.

Once they landed back in the river house garden and brought Elain’s cut flowers indoors, she told him, “I’ll see you later on, I’m sure you’d like to catch up on some rest.”

Azriel frowned. “I can’t. I’ve been gone so long, there’s too much that needs done. I have paperwork waiting for me, and I have to meet with Rhys to explain why I’ve returned with such little useful information.”

“Is there any possible way it could wait until tomorrow?” she asked. “Or even later on this evening?”

Azriel crossed his arms. “I see what you’re trying to do.”

“You seem tired, Azriel.”

“I am tired.” He huffed a short laugh. “I look that bad, then?”

“I said you look tired.” Her gaze passed over his face, lingering at his lips before drifting back up to meet his eyes. “I didn’t say you were any less handsome.”

His blood heated at her remark, at the way her eyes had caught on his mouth and darkened.

Azriel held her stare. “It still seems unfair when you’re even more beautiful now than when I left.” It certainly felt that way. Each time he returned home, Azriel was nearly stunned to the point of speechlessness at the sight of her.

“You flatter me,” she said, shaking her head as a blush crept over her creamy skin.

“No.” Azriel’s voice was low and utterly serious. “I don’t waste my breath on flattery. When I compliment you, I mean every word.”

Elain swallowed, her skin flushing even further.

“Are you hungry?” she asked, turning her gaze from him and combing her fingers through her wind-tossed hair.

Azriel shook his head. “I stopped for a meal not long ago.”

“Can I make you some tea?”

“You don’t have to do that for me,” he said automatically, so accustomed to refusing such offers that it had become second nature.

“I’m making tea for myself,” she said simply. “If you want some, I’d be happy to share with you.”

Before he could think of a way to protest without seeming as if he was trying to deprive her of the tea she allegedly wanted for herself, Elain strode toward the kitchen to put the kettle on.

Azriel slumped down into the nearest armchair and tipped his head forward, allowing his eyes to close for just a moment. As tired as he was, he knew he had far too much adrenaline still streaming through his body—was too on edge to stand any chance at falling asleep. Even if he went up to his room now, he would toss and turn until he gave up and attended to the paperwork looming over him.

“I made these for you this morning,” Elain said when she returned with a tray of his favorite cookies and two cups of fragrant herbal tea. Azriel nearly flinched from it, from accepting an offer of generosity he certainly didn’t deserve. It unsettled him to imagine anyone spending time catering to his preferences.

“Thank you,” he said, appreciatively. “You didn’t have to do this for me.”

“Be sure to hide them in your room before Cassian finds them,” she said with a smile.

Azriel chuckled as he thanked her again.

He knew Elain was aware of everyone’s favorite cookies and baked them often. But the thought of her baking these cookies especially for him and hoping to surprise him—imagining her in the kitchen, maybe thinking of him, maybe missing him—it felt different. It meant more than he could explain.

Elain took a seat on the sofa and frowned at him.

“What is it?” he asked.

“You’re like a tightly wound string on a violin,” she said after a brief pause for pensive thought. “Spread thin to the point you risk snapping completely.”

“So what should be done with me?” Azriel smirked. “Should I be thrown out and replaced with a new one?”

“No,” said Elain, unable to hold back a soft laugh. “You just need to be… loosened up a bit. And treated gently.”

Azriel gave a sharp laugh. “And how exactly do you suppose I do that?”

“Give me thirty minutes,” she said quietly.

“What?”

“Give me thirty minutes to help you relax.” Her voice was soft and sincere.

With his refusal already taking shape inside his mouth, Azriel held his tongue.

“Alright,” he eventually conceded, once he’d realized she truly wished to help him and wasn’t teasing him or trying to prove she knew best. “But short of taking control of my shadows and doing my job for me, there’s nothing that will help.”

She pursed her lips, thinking. “Get started on the tea and I’ll find a blanket.”

He called her name to tell her to stop, that he would look for one, but Elain pretended as if she didn’t hear him as she made off toward the staircase.

Azriel lifted one delicate teacup from the tray. He recognized the tea’s sweet, warm fragrance as a mix of herbs Elain had grown and dried this past summer. He took a greedy mouthful of the familiar brew and helped himself to the cookies.

Soon after, Elain’s gentle footsteps sounded from the hall and she was soon before him with a knitted cream-colored throw blanket draped in her arms. But rather than handing it to him, she unfolded it and held two corners high as if she was about to drape it over him.

“Elain, I—” he started, attempting to claim he would do it himself, but by the time the words left his mouth, it was already done.

And then his senses were rendered useless, overwhelmed by the heavenly scent that emanated from the blanket. Her scent.

Azriel cursed the gods as he realized she had given him her blanket. Her favorite blanket. The one she huddled beneath almost nightly while she read or gazed through the windows here in the sitting room.

Azriel fought against every primal instinct that urged him to gather up the plush fabric and breathe that scent into his lungs, to nuzzle his gods-damned face against it. Silently, he cursed again and wondered if Elain had any idea what she’d just done to him.

And now she was staring at him expectantly, as if she’d asked him a question and he’d heard none of it.

“What was that?” he asked, aloof as he could manage in spite of his shallow breathing.

“Do you mind poetry?” she repeated, patiently.

Azriel furrowed his brows. “I don’t mind it, why?”

“It’s either poetry or a handbook on the elements of garden design,” she said as she pulled a thick volume from the row of bookshelves. “Now lie back and close your eyes.”

“Elain…”

“At least lie back,” she said, handing him a small throw pillow.

Azriel hesitated with the pillow in his hands before stuffing it behind his lower back and reclining in the armchair.

Elain drew the curtains and sat, taking a sip of her tea before setting the large book on her lap and flipping through the pages.

All the while, Azriel questioned why he’d permitted any of this, beyond his apparent need to give Elain anything she asked of him.

He’d just agreed to postpone his work, even though he knew he would do nothing but dwell on it the entire time he sat here. At least listening to her voice was certainly more appealing than being holed up in his room, forcing his bleary eyes to read through page after page of tedious reports.

The poem she read described an uncharted island, with long, sandy beaches and deep forests; a land rich with myths of spirits and beasts that lived within the surrounding waters.

Azriel wondered if she’d picked it randomly from the shelf or if she’d read from it before, as it struck him as the sort of literature she might enjoy.

But to ask would be to stop her lovely voice from its melodic rise and fall, so he vowed to ask once she’d finished. As it was, he was exhausted enough that opening his mouth to speak seemed too daunting of a task.

Before long, the landscape of the poem began unfolding before him—the lush forests, waterfalls that spilled into turquoise pools, and beaches that stretched on for miles between mystical sea caves.

The images in his mind came readily, following the expressive descriptions from the poem and the smooth, tranquil cadence of her voice.

Azriel could hardly believe she was tending to him like this. Could hardly believe he’d allowed it.

In fact, this entire afternoon seemed so far from the realm of possibility, Azriel began to wonder if he was dreaming. It seemed much more likely that it was all some desperate, subconscious fantasy his mind had pieced together to soothe his listless soul.

He didn’t want it to end.

Especially now that the burdens that weighed him down were nothing more than distant black clouds disappearing beyond the horizon.

With Elain’s calming scent of jasmine and honey swirling through his lungs with every breath and her lovely voice coaxing his tired eyes to close, Azriel knew this must surely be a dream.

~~~~

Azriel opened his eyes to a dimly lit room that was silent apart from the faint music of birdsong filtering through the windows. Elain’s scent still enveloped him and he glanced over to where she sat on the large sofa, reading silently from the book of poetry.

So he hadn’t been dreaming. His afternoon with Elain had been real, and Azriel had just awoken from a deep and dreamless sleep. And she’d stayed by his side the entire time.

Elain’s eyes alighted as she noticed him beginning to stir. Her face bore no arrogance over her success, only genuine relief that he was able to relax enough to truly rest.

“How do you feel?” she asked gently.

Cared for.

For the first time in a very long time.

But he couldn’t bring himself to admit that to her. So he glanced at the clock and replied, “I feel like I’m two hours behind schedule as a result of a nap I hadn’t planned to take.”

Elain shook her head. “It’s okay to take time for yourself. To rest when you need it.”

Azriel wished he could take back his smart remark. He hadn’t known what to say when it felt too forward, too vulnerable to speak the truth to her.

“I’m sorry… I should be thanking you,” he said, softly. “I didn’t think it was possible. To fall asleep. I thought it would be a waste of time to even try.”

“I would help you find sleep again like this, if you ever wanted me to.” A darkness shaded her eyes as she added, “I know how difficult it can be.”

Azriel was aware of how she struggled. Elain had confided in him about the visions that came to her while she slept, disturbing her dreams and waking her time after time, night after night. It made sense she took it upon herself to try and prevent him from enduring the harrowing sleeplessness she knew so well.

But even so, he hadn’t been expecting her to do anything like this for him. Wasn’t used to this sort of attention.

Considering the amount of paperwork hanging over his head and the shame he carried from his failed assignment, it was impossible for Azriel to feel good, but he felt better—with his head much clearer, and strength beginning to return to his body.

Azriel considered all that Elain had done for him that day, without being asked, without expecting anything in return, just to help him, even while he resisted.

He still felt it—the warmth Elain had given him, like day's first light, melting the bitter frost from the untouched recesses deep inside him.

And Azriel wondered if this was what it felt like to be loved.

Thank you so much for reading!!! You guys are amazing!! I hope you have a beautiful day!! 💗

[bookstaninthesoul]

New Chapter of A Court of Blood & Mercy is up! Chapter 13 - “Daylight.” 🕊️🌸