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cynthia steffe f/w 2010

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No one:

Ana Tumblr posts:

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you think you’re faking?

you think you’re faking depression? oh ok, then you know, stop being sad. it’s a conscious choice to fake, so just stop it. get off tumblr, stop reblogging sad shit, and be happy. let’s see how that’ll work out for you. if you think you’re faking, you can stop doing it right now. 

you think you’re faking anxiety?oh ok, then stop being nervous. if you start feeling like you can’t breathe then just stop it. if you really didn’t have it, you could do that. but can you stop?

oh, you think you’re faking ADHD? oh ok,you have 2 weeks of incomplete homework,so just do it. what’s stopping you? what’s blocking you? if you didn’t have it why can’t you just start writing right now? just stop. 

you think you’re faking an eating disorder? oh ok, then go to the kitchen right now, yes, right now, and eat. DON’T count calories, don’t obsess over it, don’t puke it up, finish the whole thing. why can’t you do it? nobody’s stopping you.

this applies to all mental illnesses. there is reason why your brain is giving you these thoughts, ‘’you’re fakingggg!!’’, it’s hard to become aware of how ill you are, your brain is trying to cope in the best way it can, by pretending you’re fine. but it’s ok to not be ok. you are not faking, even if you were subconsciously faking somehow (which almost never happens), the pain is real and valid and you deserve and need help. everytime you feel like you’re faking, keep all of this in mind. 

you can try to save this post or write it somewhere, or screenshot it when you feel bad. 

please, reblog and boost this, more people need to hear it. you deserve to heal and be happy and ok. if yall like this I’ll make more~ 

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Hey, so please nobody take their life tonight. If for nothing else do it for me, I would be devastated to find out that any of you had passed. No matter what happens- we have eachother’s backs.

Any reason is a good one to stay alive. Get some ice cream, call a friend, post some among us codes. Do what you can tonight to stay alive.

Crisis text line: text SHARE to 741741

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my molly was laced w meth with me luck :D

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10.21.2020

Today’s total was way too high.

1147 total calories in... fuck. I just need to get my shit together. I’m tired of feeling like a total clown all the time.

I skated a bit- burned around 100 for that.

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'Oh but what a death it would be to die by the poison of your lips.'

A. M. W.

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haven’t been active much lately. I still havent been able to weigh myself and it’s been weeks. i can’t tell if i’ve been losing or not... i would hope so. I’ve been staying on track fairly well, which is kinda surprising. anyways. that’s all.

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[an account of a conversation with my older sister about how eating disorders affect those around you]

My sister comes up stairs and looks at me sat on the floor of my room. I can tell she wants to talk.

She stands in the door way and leans her head against the wooden frame and sighs, and then she says;

“I just want you to get better. I want you to get better so bad.”

I nod.

She stands very still and waits.

I don’t say anything.

Eventually she takes a deep breath, looks me in the eyes and tells me that deep down she’s not mad at me, she knows I’m not taking so long to recover on purpose, really she’s just angry. She’s so so fucking angry with my eating disorder. She says it’s NOT FAIR that she lost her sister for so long. It’s not fair that I went away.

She says she can’t help it. She feels guilty.

Because she didn’t notice me leave.

It was gradual, the dimming of life in my eyes.

It took a while for a waking shell to sit silently next to her on the sofa.

For life to hollow out.

She says she began to think it was just how I was.

I’m a teenager. Lots of things change when you are a teenager, she says it wasn’t understandable, but perhaps explainable, when I became isolated and plain instead of the colourful sister she had grown up with. When I no longer danced with her in the living room, when I stopped devising drama scenes with her on holiday, stopped sitting at family meals, stopped watching TV after dinner, stopped talking, stopped sleeping, stopped laughing.

Then she back tracks a little,

“actually,” she says,

“I remember when you stopped laughing.”

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October 6th, 2020

Breakfast - Monster energy drink (0)

Lunch - 2 Monster Energy drink (0)

             Rice Cake (35)

             1 Tbsp Mustard (9)

Dinner - Black Bean Patty (240)

              Barbecue sauce 2 Tbsp (50)

              Mayo 1 Tbsp (90)

Total - 424 Calories

Burned - 195 Calories

Net - 229

I’ll be going skating later tonight so i’ll update this when I get home from that <3

#anorexik #annarexya #ana thoughts #food log

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