he says i don’t need to starve
but i know he would love it if i were thinner; to be able to lift me up effortlessly, picking me up and spinning me around like a doll; his big hands against a small waist; pretty skirts and dresses he could take off to find something even prettier underneath, ribs and collarbones and slim thighs, all for him
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*trying to open up about my ed*
‘So do you just like not eat’
me: ‘obviously I eat’
‘Oh that’s good then, I’m glad it’s not serious’
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at the ed clinic i went to i overhead this one girl saying "when jesus doesnt eat for 40 days its called a miracle but when i do it i get sent to an ed clinic"
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Me: Eats like a normal person for a week.
Me: This is detrimental why do I keep binging, I’m faking my eating disorder.
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the way not eating is actually a lot of work. I have to plan according to what im gonna eat when, who’s gonna be there, coming up with lies, its a whole full time job frfr
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small
i want to feel so delicate and fragile, like a china cup that he gets to break; loose clothes slipping off of my skinny thighs, they could be so slim and pretty, and my thin fingers digging marks into his back as we move; kisses leaving marks and bruises on sharp jaws and raised collarbones, down exposed ribs and hips; watching him look at me, watching how sick i am, but taking me regardless
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I hope I DO have body dysmorphia bc if I actually look like this we have a problem
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