burntgod

[burntgod]

funny story

#i just wanted to update since it’s been so long and i left on a negative note #things have turned up for me recently #i was able to get sober and i’m at 7 months and counting!! i returned to school and i’m actually doing well? #at least passing and finishing my classes which is huge for me #i’ve been eating all my meals #brushing my teeth #i have friends that i play too many video games with but they are really great and i was able to visit them in california #i’m working part time and managing to keep it all together #i even work out a couple times every week #it’s crazy how much has changed #i’m content for the first time in a long time and while i still have a long ways to go #i’m going you know #thank you to everyone who encouraged me #i know it may seem like leaving you behind was part of what improved things for me #but really you guys gave me the courage to work on myself and really face my fears #i couldn’t have done it without you #i hope everyone gets where they’re going #even if we never speak again #even if you don’t end up reading this #thank you for being my friends #i was lucky to have known you even when i probably didn’t deserve you #i have so much love for every friend i ever had the pleasure of knowing in these communities #there aren’t enough words in the english language to properly explain how strongly i feel #thank you guys #keep dancing #ooc /

[burntgod]

long story long

#i don’t feel good here anymore #everything about these characters makes me sad these days and it’s easier to not think about them #things aren’t the same and i don’t find joy in it like i used to #i know that there’s only a few people left that this might concern but i may or may not be back #i wish i could write it all out to be honest #things have taken a turn for the worse #the more i unpack it the more i realize how bad it all is #just when you think you’ve reached the bottom … oh boy you have NOT #i’m a little too close to a grippy socks vacation #i have to keep reminding myself that i’m not fragile as i think i am i was just put through a lot #and i don’t make it any easier on myself #i’m trying to #i hope i have better news when i return #if i return #to those few people #i hope you are well #i’m sorry if i’ve left you hanging #i’m wishing you the best

[burntgod]

          a  recovery,    a  quick  comeback  from  this  imposter’s  mouth,    hushed  but  so  hasty  that  it  stopped  Katsuki  in  his  tracks  for  a  moment  at  least.      the  boy  in  front  of  him  moves  with  the  same  erratic  and  nervous  motion,    same  voice  and  intonation,    an  almost  perfect  copy    —    but  what  other  less  intense  images  can  conjure  in  the  mind  when  confronted  with  a  walking  memory    /    a  living  corpse  ?      Katsuki  felt  his  tongue  run  dry,    he  thinks  of  using  his  teeth  to  make  the  skin  bleed  in  order  to  swallow  something;    the  pain  can  be  a  pinch,    remind  him  that  he’s  awake.      no,    he  knows  he’s  awake.      are  they  fucking  with  him?      but  how  would  they…    how  could  they  know?

          red  gaze  is  wide,    follow  without  blinking,    until  he  couldn’t  bear  to  witness  anymore.      (  flashes  of  a  thick  and  dark  substance,    restraining  and  drowning  him,    flashes  of  light  that  did  nothing  to  prevail,    and  the  aftermath  of  a  body  too  frail,    too  quiet,    too  still…  )      there  it  is  again,    the  rise  of  bile,    and  he  closes  his  eyes  tight  shut  and  faces  down.      shit,    his  breathing  is  more  agitated,    panicked.      he  grits  his  teeth.          “  stop  messing  with  me.  ”          an  empty  threat,    there’s  nothing  he  can  do  as  he  is  now.      he  opens  his  eyes,    still  looking  down,    and  convinces  himself  that  he’s  only  shaking    (  as  slight  as  it  is,    the  metal  clinks  undeniably  in  his  tremble  )    from  trying  not  to  puke  without  having  a  way  to  wipe  his  own  mouth.      Katsuki  starts  to  breathe  in  deeply,    voice  gruff  but  lower  in  volume  to  not  bring  any  more  witness  to  this.          “  whatever  bullshit  you’re  trying  to  pull…  i  don’t  buy  it.  ”

izuku can’t help the frown that pulls down on his cheeks, brows that furrow with worry as he sheepishly examines his old best friend. he remembers the day he died, he recalls the tense moments leading up to it. the fear he felt for kacchan, the fear he felt from him. after everything he’s done to izuku, nothing changed, izuku still tried and failed to save his life - quirkless and all. maybe he should be more compassionate — resurrection is horrific, it sickened him the first time he woke and the mirror no longer remembers the boy that used to look into it. 

“  kacchan . . . i’m sorry. ”  he approaches with caution once again, given that bakugo has quieted down. “  i know - they’ll come rescue you, it’s only a matter of time. so it’s okay, right? it’s gonna be over soon and you can forget about all of this and move on. ”  become a top hero like we always planned, save the world, and never look back. “  until then, you should really drink this … you’ve got to be dehydrated by now. ”

#madestars #yoinks scoob #muse / midoriya izuku.

[burntgod]

#sorry i been dead things have not been Party Rockin in the House for me #focus is at a zero and i’ve been Suffering #ooc /

[burntgod]

so i read dead apple ....

#build that confidence sweetie #you’re doing Amazing 💝

[burntgod]

the heart of darkness quotes that strike me down;

#musing / #it echoed loudly within him because he was hollow at the core ….

[burntgod]

❝ you of all people should understand…we don’t owe him anything. ❞ // for akuuu !

the grey morning topples for grey mourning, replacing a tincture of loneliness with a plethora of longing. nothing was better when dazai was an executive. if anything akutagawa is far less beaten down than he was before, even if he still trains himself until he can’t breathe. it’s never like it was. not in the darkest seconds when he feels dazai’s reign over him like a hand gripped around his throat, not since he trained kyouka in the same manner that he was brought up in. nothing could replicate the leash that dazai had akuatagawa on. something was severed when he left, something that couldn’t be healed. so when chuuya pleads with him, when chuuya says that nothing is owed to dazai: it feels as hollow as akutagawa does. 

everything is owed to dazai osamu.   he wouldn’t be alive, his sister wouldn’t be alive. and if by some miracle they had survived, they’d still be scrapping by for a chance in the depths from which they had risen. some people are born with everything. akutagawa was born with nothing and dazai was the first person to hand him something. to trust him with the honor of belonging. how should he understand anything else? “  you don’t,  ”  he affirms,  “ don’t speak for me like you’d understand. ”   they’re two different stories.  “  i owe him the rest of my life.  ”

#agravaki #muse / akutagawa ryuunosuke. #aku vc: thats only like less than five years so its fine lol

[burntgod]

❝ i want so badly to be mad at you that i could do that, but i CAN’T, so i’m mad at myself instead. do you even understand how unfair that is? ❞ // for dazaai

enter, the tragedy of the sycophant, his pulse drifting the further he strays from his heart. it outstretches like the petals of the lotus, a familiar ache inside that ruins from within. dazai is no stranger to the facets of chuuya’s anger, despite the mysteries that still surround them. there’s a wicked impulse to be the center of it all, to become the stem of each and every emotion that grows within that small body. perhaps it’s a method of possession, to consume and concur all that dazai desires. this is what loves feels like, he thinks. to reach inside another and claw out whatever he needs, to burrow himself inside and create a summer home there. oh, how he longs to be arahabaki.

so here they are again, age having changed nothing in chuuya while dazai wears different skin, the same meaty flaws beneath. dazai sits in chuuya’s armchair, his finger mindlessly stroking a circle in the purple velvet while he patiently listens. he still harbors the air of an executive, though his status is leagues less glamorous than when they were younger. “  so the world’s unfair,  ”  he chews on his words like an infant playing with his food, “  and chuuya’s angry with me … what’s new exactly?  ”  a cheeky smile cracks on his face but it’s absent of any joy. dazai leans forward until his elbows sit on his knees and his hands hold up his chin. “  what’s stopping you,  chibikko ?  you want to take your anger out on me, so why don’t you? if you really want fairness, then take it for yourself.  ”  he lays the bait like always. pretending he doesn’t know what chuuya will choose, like he always chooses. typical. the good ones are never really that surprising.

#agravaki #muse / dazai osamu. #bonks him on the head #shut UP scrub

[burntgod]

             if we were villains    ❧    sentence starters

feel free to change pronouns as needed! taken from the absolutely recommended book ‘if we were villains’ by m.l. rio.

❝ seems like just yesterday my dad was shouting at me for throwing my life away. ❞

❝ last time we went skinny-dipping i fell on the dock buck naked and spent the rest of the night facedown on the couch with ______ pulling splinters out of my ass. ❞

❝ i know what you’re capable of, and i’ll be damned if i don’t drag it out of you by the time you leave this place. ❞

❝ everyone has a weakness. even you. the strongest thing you can do is admit it. ❞

❝ get drunk, get loud, get lucky. ❞

❝ okay. let’s kill them. ❞

❝ i’m not playing. don’t fucking do that again. ❞

❝ i’m bleeding. you son of a bitch. ❞

❝ you’re lovely, but you’re not worth it. ❞

❝ be careful, ______. you’re much too trusting. ❞

❝ you’ve got puke on your face. ❞

❝ we need to decide what to tell the police about what happened. ❞

❝ you of all people should understand…we don’t owe him anything. ❞

❝ i’m going to bed unless you’ve got something to say. ❞

❝ i’ve had enough sexual misadventures for one year, thanks. ❞

❝ if it makes you feel any better, i’d have done exactly the same thing. ❞

❝ c’mon. it’s fucking freezing and i’m not leaving you out here alone. ❞

❝ when did we become such terrible people? ❞

❝ i’ll be the first one to admit i don’t know what we’re doing here. but i want to figure it out. ❞

❝ are you going to cold-shoulder me all night? ❞

❝ what’s gotten into you? you don’t sound like yourself. ❞

❝ i guess my other option is an existential crisis. ❞

❝ you can’t quantify humanity. you can’t measure it. people are passionate and flawed and infallible. ❞

❝ you know, ______, i like you. mostly in spite of myself. ❞

❝ i want so badly to be mad at you that i could do that, but i CAN’T, so i’m mad at myself instead. do you even understand how unfair that is? ❞

❝ fuck! fuck this, fuck me, fuck YOU. ❞

❝ don’t do that, please –––– right now can we just be ourselves? ❞

❝ i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i want to hurt the whole world. ❞

❝ ever heard of hate sex? ❞

❝ don’t follow me. ❞

❝ no! don’t come too close. keep your distance. tell me what happened. ❞

❝ why don’t you fight back? why won’t you get your hands dirty? ❞

❝ i’d have killed him myself if i thought it would keep the rest of you safe. ❞

❝ will you marry him? it’s been long enough. ❞

❝ the future is wide and wild and full of promise, but it is precarious, too. ❞

❝ you know, the bare-chested, covered-in-blood look, it’s working for you. ❞

❝ would you change the ending, if you could? ❞

❝ we’ll never forget it. that’s the worst part. ❞

#is there anyBody Out there? #meme /

[burntgod]

#im starting new meds and they fuckin Suck!! #not good man! #kicks my soul around like a soccer ball #stops myself before i vent in the tags #ooc /

[burntgod]

Herakles, Euripides (tr. Tom Sleigh)

[burntgod]

no i havent finished the new season but im sorry have you SEEN UZUI ?? ? ?? ? !!?

#i just wanna be his goddamn WIFE #ooc /

[burntgod]

there’s something to be said about the setting of the sun on autumn afternoons at the todoroki estate. cicadas whistling their sweet songs and the empty thresholds of a broken home feel taller still. it’s his first time coming back to this place since the touya incident. shōto’s still wrapped in bandages where his burns are taking longer to heal. recovery girl promises one more appointment should take care of it but shōto doesn’t mind the pain so much. it’s made a good distraction. he’s not sure he’s even ready to do without it. soon there’ll be nothing left between him and another betrayal but the space where he has to feel it all. 

he’s supposed to meet fuyumi and natsuo to visit mom together but fuyumi had cancelled last minute. now he waits for his brother, who shōto’d hardly shared words with since everything exploded in their faces. the dead rose and walked all over them. how are they supposed to move on when they’re drawn back to a graveyard time and time again? shōto sighs, hands sinking deep into his pockets while he kicks at a rock with his foot. when natsuo arrives, he croaks out,  “  hey.  ”

@beastincidents / for natsuo.

#beastincidents #muse / todoroki shōto. #U SAY SHOTO N HIS BIG BRO #I COME RUNNIN

[burntgod]

#like this meme for a starter #will be varied ranges of length based on if we’ve interacted befoore #SLAPS THIS BADBOY #COME GET YA SAUCE #ooc /

[burntgod]

               the   veins   in   his   arms   twitch   and   pulse,      red   eyes   glued   to   the   strong   metal   encasing   his   hands.         it’s   the   anticipation,      not   nerves,      he   tells   himself.         it’s   adrenaline   that   pumps   his   blood   faster,      widens   his   senses,      and   has   the   sweat   drip   off   his   fingertips   as   he   waits.         and   waits   and   waits,      and   he   has   no   choice   but   to   sit,      stir   in   the   heat   of   his   skin,      without   knowing   what   the   hell   is   going   to   happen   next.         his   mind   can   conjure   up   a   couple   of   things   but   he   refuses   to   let   creativity   fly   so   vividly.         stay   focused.         the   weight   of   these   cuffs   slump   his   shoulders   forward,      the   nitroglycerin   gathered   up   can   be   enough   to   break   through   iron   but   it   will   also   damage   his   hands   and   he   has   to   be   smarter   than   that,      he   is   better   than   this,      he   is   above   fear.         there   has   to   be   an   opening…

               with   another   presence   felt   so   near,      Katsuki   snaps   his   head   back   up,      muscles   tense   and   grown   taut   like   an   arrow   ready   to   spring.         but   the   cord   snaps.         where   his   eyebrows   furrowed   with   grit,      he   finds   now   his   entire   face   become   slack,      even   pale.         that   voice,      and…         no.         no.         that   can’t—               “   you   sick…   ”               the   moment   rises   back,      all   hair   and   hell   raised,      his   jaw   clenches   as   voice   halts   to   a   grit,      a   growl   that   surfaces   in   his   throat   like   bile.         Katsuki   fights   against   the   restraints   again,      despite   knowing   how   futile   that   is   but   he   doesn’t   fucking   care.         he   leans   and   glares   up,      any   calm   of   the   storm   he   has   tried   to   maintain   for   his   own   sake   getting   dangerously   close   to   breaking.               “   you   sick,   ballsy   bastards—   !   ”

bakugo’s reaction spawns a recollection of fear,  izuku’s eyes peeling wide and his shoulders tightening. in his hand, he crushes the paper cup unintentionally and the water spills over causing him to drop it all together.  “ sh-shit — shut up!  ”   he whispers hastily,  “  stop yelling!  i’m not supposed to be in here so shut the hell up!  ”  he waves his hands urgently, he thinks he’d try and cover bakugo’s mouth if he weren’t sure to be bitten. izuku quickly whips his head towards the two entrances to assure that no one’s heard and come to check in. maybe they’ll assume bakugo is making a ruckus by himself - that wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibilities but izuku hates to gamble. 

it dawns on him again that midoriya izuku is dead to the world, including old friends and family. only the league knows he’s still alive — something new sprouting from that first mangled corpse. he tries not to think about it too much, can’t accept the state he must have left his mother in. the guilt would eat him alive if he let it. izuku frantically picks up the fallen cup which had emptied all over the floor. luckily they’re in a barroom and izuku can rush over to the sink to refill it then swiftly return to bakugo’s side. “  if you don’t stay quiet, things will get much worse for both of us, okay?  ”

#muse / midoriya izuku.

[burntgod]

there’s luck in izuku’s lack of size,  he can slither in unnoticed by everyone but kurogiri who seems to purposefully turn the other way from the interloper. they make eye contact for a strained second, a cup of water trapped between izuku’s teeth so he can crawl on his hands and knees. kurogiri promptly leaves the room as if nothing happened and izuku lets out a relieved sigh, continuing on. the seat bakugo is strapped to comes into view and izuku can feel his pulse race with conditioned fear. he takes a quick look around the bar room to make completely sure the coast is clear before standing and removing the cup from his mouth. he clears his throat and swallows back the bile. 

“  he-hey,  ”   izuku stutters, unable to handle as little as eye contact with his old friend / tormentor. it would only be a matter of time anyways, someone would save him, wouldn’t they?  a hero student matters in this society.  they’ll know he’s missing and they’ll come get him. at least that’s what izuku believes. he just has to play the part until then. he pulls out a paper towel wrapped bread roll that had been stuffed in his pocket since dinner. it wasn’t much but it’s better than starving for the night.

@madestars / bakugo.

#muse / midoriya izuku. #:')

[burntgod]

private multimuse. selective. headcanon based & para-centric & iconless. by mars. carrd.

#pinnest post /