chiyarlz

[chiyarlz]

i want a best friend

i want a bestfriend for myself. for myself only. yknow how some people know each other that well that even from miles apart they know. they know somethings up. and they wont stop until you tell them whats up. theyll be there to listen to you. even at 4am in the morning when you need someone to talk to, theyll be there. when you found something that passes your feed and you badly need to tell someone about it theyre the first one who pops in your mind and they respond. asap. youre not even done typing a message they already know. you just keep each other. when midnight strikes and you get all feely with emotions and you just want to cry you know theyll be there to hug you to sleep or even listen to you ramble for hours end until you calm down or at least until you find something else to talk about. the level of comfort you have just by seeing them and ramming them to the ground because you miss them and they do the same (well not really but you get my point). i just want someone for myself. but all i am is just someones other friend. thats all ill ever be. ill never be the main friend to somebody. youll never hear me as their first answer as to who is their closest friend. and yes i am depressed. but no im not suicidal i just need to let out my feelings. thanks for reading up to here i know it was kinda draggy but it means a lot.

[chiyarlz]

funny. im still holding on to an empty promise that one day we'll try again because the world wont conspire to bring us together now. and its making my life hard because i cant move on and find somebody who fulfills promises instead of empty promising.

[chiyarlz]

seeing my mom buy so many things make me wonder where she gets that money even though we dont have a cent to our name. we're half a million down in debt and i dont know how she manages her credit cards. and i also learned she may or may not have breast cancer. she doesnt tell me. i dont ask. its a very sensitive topic i dont want to discuss. but if she has all that guts to splurge on anything that pops in her mind (literally, i mean she just bought three pandora bracelets because she wanted them) i dont want to know but i think she really might be dying. and i dont know how im gonna handle that especially i have absolutely no one to confide in. im a wreck. i have friends who have their own bestfriends/boy/girlfriends who isnt me. and it makes me sad knowing that when i one day suddenly disappear no one's going to look for me. no one's gonna care. but i think its better that way. no pain for anyone else. thats probably im here at 6am writing my thoughts off because i cant sleep.

[chiyarlz]

oh boy i hope santa brings me self-esteem this year

#i need a boyfriend more #self esteem doesnt sound bad either

[chiyarlz]

I asked a freshman for a high five today as I walked past him in the hallway and after he gave me one I laced our fingers together and said “we’re dating now love u bae” and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a boy look so fearful and confused before in my life

#happened to me on the bus #idk him he was like 'high five' #and i was like ok #so i nervously put out my hand #he slapped his hand on mine #but clasped it together #nonetheless i went down on the wrong stop #might be a rapist u know

[chiyarlz]

i swear genos looks like noiz got turned into an alpha unit

#dmmd #opm #robots #what if opm had dmmds story #saitama having boyfriends #bottom saitama???? #WTHA THE FUCK

[chiyarlz]

how did you even reach this