davidmseth-blog

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If the world is going crazy, I'll be calm. And if they're calm, I'll be the one hanging off the chandelier."

Jim Carrey

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1300 Miles On Bike. Can I Do It?

That’s the plan. From Randle WA to Slab City in Southern Cal... and then a plane to Costa Rica, where I’ll hostel & bike in a Glorious Tropical Freaking Paradise. And all the time, working on my web business remotely, laptop tethered to smartphone.

45 days in the Sierra Nevada mountains. Camping off-grid, immersed in the gorgeous Outdoors, day after day. Biking a few hours a day.

Wake up when the sun wakes me up, typically about 6-7 AM, eat some protein bars & trail mix, break camp, pack up, and start biking.

Biking is the easy part, even though it’s with 50+ pounds of gear & food & water on a 30 pound bike. Love it. Crank up the Bluetooth headphones and ride for hours in the mountains and sunshine and bliss, listening to punk and post-punk and hard rock and 90′s Alternative and random craziness, mixed with Buddhist dharma talks and instructional talks on Wisdom in all forms.

Here’s the playlist I’m listening to now as I write this, and will be listening to occasionally while biking on this tour:

~ I Want It All by Eve’s Plum ~ The Way by Fastball ~ Good To Be Alive by DJ Rap ~ Stuck To The Sun by Gwen Mars ~ Bonfire by Knife Party ~ Hell Broke Luce by Tom Waits ~ Let The Bodies Hit The Floor ~ Tubthumping ~ No Sleep Till Brooklyn by Beastie Boys ~ Sucker Love remix by Sneaker Pimps (the slow version) ~ End Of Days by Abney Park ~ Stolen Car by Beth Orton

After biking for a few hours, it’ll be time to camp & feast. Find a great spot to camp, set up camp, get the stove out & fired up, grab the food. 

Crazy amounts of planning goes into figuring out the healthiest, easiest, tastiest meals possible while bike touring.

Occasional foraging? Sure! Grab those dandelions and munch’em. nom nom nom.

Afternoon to evening: time to take care of business. Tether the laptop to the phone, plug into the ‘net, and get busy on the web businesses. Work on building a Wordpress site, or deal with the client, or cold call to get clients, or manage outsourcing the site, or watch videos to learn something new (there’s always something new to learn... bottomless pit...), or whatever. Four hours of work a day. While listening to music. That’s the rule. ‘sfun.

Then it’ll be time to CTFO. Won’t have my guitar with me, which will suck, but I WILL have a harmonica, and will be practicing it daily. Maybe next bike tour, I’ll get a BOB bike trailer & be able to put a small acoustic guitar on it, but not for the moment. So I’ll read Kindle books on Bukowski and Costa Rica and Zen and Buddhism and Dharma Punx and Yoga and Consciousness in general and Wild and Cheryl Strayed’s other books and The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck and whatever’s most enlightening out of the billions of amazing books I can access.

Sleep will come upon me pretty suddenly. I’ll just get dead tired a few hours after the sun goes down, and then about 15 minutes after that, I’ll pass out in my semi-mummy sleeping bag.

That’ll be the typical, awesome day.

I’ll blog about whatever else happens...

#modern primitive #bike tour #permanent vacation #extreme biking

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The Mirkwood Hideout

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Hell Day

Woke up early, after waking up a dozen times at night. dead tired, but got up anyways. Packed and prepared tent for long spell away from it, for about 1.5 hours. 2 hour hard bike ride to town, bike loaded down insanely, up steep hill for the first 45 minutes. Got to town, biked to library, charged up for 20 minutes. Biked to Housing Center for 20 minutes. Waited 1.5 hours, as they were busy as hell helping tons of devastated homeless people. Interviewed and filled out paperwork 45 minutes. biked to restaurant and ate for half hour. bussed to port Townsend for 2 hours, with 45 minute layover. got bungee cord, money from bank for camping. biked 40 minutes to be state park at 9pm at night... And the fuckers closed it at dusk. No campers allowed after dusk... which I swear to god was allowed just a month ago. WTF??? So then I'm stuck with decision of what to do. Not tired at all, but could camp illegally in the woods. don't want to risk it, either. Fuckers will destroy you if they catch you, and the cops and rangers are intent on doing so in this area. So I decide to stay up all goddamn night. it'll be 11 fucking hours before the park opens. bike back 40 minutes. stay at fuckwad McDonald's for 1.5 hours, killing time as productively as possible, until they close. then head on over to Safeway, the only place open 24 hours... and am there 5 increasingly hellish hours, back killing me, deliriously agonizingly tired. then bike back to state park for 40 minutes... and realize I still have 3 hours to kill. So I head off into he forest, get out my pad and bag, and rest fitfully for 2 hours in the forest, worried rangers or nazi cops might get me and go insane. idiotic asinine situation. illegal to sleep anywhere, no shelters around, hundreds of acres of forest, all illegal to stay in, while assholes give you no sane option, unless you're rich and can afford $100 for a motel room for 1/2 of one day. so I stay in the forest anyways for a couple hours. get up, pack, Steeg back out of the forest, bike 10 minutes, where I'm now waiting out of sight for nazi rangers to open up at 8 a.m.... 7:51 right now... I will show up at 8:10... leaving in like 9 minutes. then I will pay fuckwad fee to stay on patch of dirt in the park, set up camp for half an hour, and finally get some fucking sleep... I hope... OMFG. OMFG OMFG OMFG. Oh Fuck. The campground is CLOSED FOR THE SEASON. The website said they would close October 15... but the sign here says they're closing early this season, and already closed ten days ago. omfg. So I biked back to town 40 minutes. freaking out entire time. finally decide to bus back to Port Angeles, and stay at the hostel there. 7 hours later, finally got to the hostel. beyond dead tired and delirious. Got a few hours of shitty sleep in loud ass hostel... now 7:30 PM and feeling wasted. Hope I recover in a day or two.

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A Badger's Ass Against My Tent?

So I was a bit sloppy with my food bag one night, and some fucking furry creature out here managed to thieve some food, and has been harassing me and the food bag each night since. (It has not succeeded in further thieving because I put three consecutive plastic trash bags around the fabric food bag, which seems to have disguised it adequately from the. creature.) I think it's a badger, though I don't seem to have any rational justification for this... But last night I swear I woke up with something exactly like a large badger's ass up against the tent right where my fucking foot was up against the tent. So, freaked out, I instantly react in panic by kicking it, of course... which of course freaked IT out, whereby it took off like a bolt of lightning away from the tent, charging wildly through the underbrush for what sounded like a hundred yards or so.

Sounds improbable, indeed, but I tell you It's True. Foot was also right where tent corner overlaps an animal path, and the sleeping bag said foot was in was probably the softest thing in the forest; so I can see why a badger might come across it, and why it might choose to sit there.

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Bearanoia

Okay, the one critical issue I haven't adequately addressed is that of bears coming into the tent. I have my food and garbage and any scrap remotely smelly packed in several layers of thick garbage bags outside of the tent, and not even the mice or the raccoon that invade my camp nightly try to get into those bags, so they must be sealed tight enough to keep the scent in, and to not attract bears. However, what if a bear smells the slightest thing coming from inside my tent? While I'm eating, for example? And will it come in claws & jaws-first, ripping the tent open, then freak out and attack me? Or if I pepper spray the bear, what if the pepper spray is weak, or misses momentarily, and just makes the bear Furious and Vengeful and throws it into a murderous rage? Or: what if the bear just nonchalantly stomps the tent down, with me inside it, crushing me to death? The first order of business is getting another stun gun / Bear Scaring Device, as I left my old one at the library, and the new one I bought a week ago disappeared mysteriously. (I suspect Gremlins or Gnomes took it, but it could have just fell out of the stupid shallow pockets on my athletic pants). The black bears in this area are scared easily by loud synthetic noises, and stun guns crackle very loudly with very synthetic sharp noise, so I think that's about the best bear-scaring device possible. Simply zap it from inside the tent, and I expect most bears would take off running. (Works that way for large stray dogs in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, but that's another story.)

And I can't bring myself to ask the nice librarians if anyone found a stun gun lying around. Seems like that'd be a very uncomfortable discussion... Anyways, even with a stun gun and pepper spray, it is a bit tense here without foolproof bear protection. The easiest, most efficient, most effective way to deal with this situation is to build a frame of 4-5 inch thick logs around the tent, and then to make a network of criss-crossing lines of stovepipe wire. just need about 4 such logs, to form a sort of teepee-like frame, then a few hundred feet of stovepipe wire. Run the wire horizontally and vertically, about a foot apart. Tie the wires together at every intersection. So it'd be like a wire net on all four sides. Reinforce it by running the wire in all directions to the surrounding trees, too, creating a matrix of wires around the tent as another line of defense. I think that should do it. Would put an end to the Bearanoia. Will keep updating this blog on the Bear Defense Matrix as it progresses...

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Terror at 5 a.m.

It's the Hour Of Assassins... so called because it's statistically the most likely that the victim will be asleep when the assassin comes for them (or at least, that's the way it is in the Dune Chronicles)... but I'm awake, due to insomnia. And then I hear a footfall outside my tent. Stealthfully and slowly. I'm instantly frozen with fear. A minute goes by, and another footfall drops, stealthfully and slowly like the first. And I realize it sounds like something maybe 50 to 100 pounds. Freaked out, I instantly spring into action after the 2nd footfall, grabbing my stun gun and zapping it hard in the air, inside my tent. It crackles super loudly. I also frantically grab my pepper spray with my free hand. Nothing but silence outside the tent. No sound of anything running away. Hmm... So I wait for about 15 minutes in dead silence and darkness, hoping it's just a medium-sized or small critter, and will be gone soon, or has already left... And then I hear IT step on an aluminum sign that had fallen to the ground recently, about 8 feet from the tent. Spooky as hell in multiple dimensions. Weird sound, plus tells me that this Creature has been out there all this time, waiting... and was NOT frightened by the stun gun... and from the sound, it sounds HEAVY, like it's 50-150 pounds, far as I can tell. Bad Shit. So I'm now on high alert, DEFCON 1, left thumb on stun gun trigger, right thumb on pepper spray button, big bag of clothing plus backpack frantically thrown up against the tent wall in the direction of the noise... for about 45 minutes, waiting to see if it'll try attacking the tent. Small chance of that, but that's still too big of a chance to just ignore. And what if it's a mountain lion? They live here, in addition to bears, although more rare. Pretty sure it's not a bear... but those stealthy footfalls... just like what you'd expect from a mountain lion, stalking me at 5 A.M., the Hour Of Assassins... An hour goes by in Extreme Tension.

Now it's 6:18 A.M.... relaxing slightly to DefCon 2, writing this, while prepared to drop this smartphone and grab my stun gun and pepper spray at a moment's noti-- HOLY SHIT OH MY FUCKING GOD {And he was never heard from again. The End.}

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Smoking Death Star With The Blair Witch

So there are two main different strains of cannabis: Sativa and Indica, with countless sub-strains and hybrids of each. Sativa is largely a stimulant and a psychedelic, which most people seem to enjoy, but can cause anxiety and paranoia in some people, such as myself. Definitely don't need that alone at night in the middle of a pitch black forest, far outside of Screaming Distance (the distance that another person could potentially hear your screams) from anyone else. Indica is mostly a relaxant, including a muscle relaxant, that mellows you out. One of the purest all-Indica strains is called Death Star, and tends to mellow me out and relax me so much that I can hardly move. So, on those nights in the deep dark rainforest when it's ultra-freaky for whatever reason, and it feels like The Blair Witch is closing in, my plan is to smoke Death Star. Haven't needed to yet, and still need to find some Death Star here, but I plan to get some as soon as possible...and we'll see if Smoking Death Star With The Blair Witch makes her less enthused about devouring me. Couchlock can be an issue though, if you overdo it with heavy duty strains of Indica, as I've done before with Death Star. You'll notice that you're thirsty or have the munchies, and water and food are just a few feet away, and you say to yourself, hey, I sure am thirsty and hungry... And then ten minutes later, you say the same thing, but it seems just sooo hard to get moving... And pretty soon half an hour has gone by, and you notice you still haven't moved... And this can go on an on, until the force of your increasing hunger and thirst finally overcome the force of Couchlock. Took me about an hour last time I overdid the Death Star. But it was a very relaxing, fun hour nonetheless...

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WTFAID?

WTF Am I Doing? Bike touring and camping on the gorgeous Olympic Peninsula, while applying for permanent housing. Adventuring until something great opens up in Port Townsend, WA, or nearby. Incredible biking opportunities abound, while PT is an awesome little lefty paradise in itself, with bike / bus / ferry access to downtown Seattle just an hour away. Awesomeness. Just spent 5 days camping in the middle of the Olympic National Forest, in a crafty little spot I call my Hideout. It's deep in the rainforest, at the top of a cliff on two sides, at the bottom of a cliff on a third side, and almost impossible to access on the only thin, tiny, twisting route in. Getting in requires throwing yourself into a thick, virtually impenetrable mass of bushes and foliage 6 feet high for dozens of yards, then scaling a hill so steep it's practically a cliff face, while the mud and roots and logs underfoot make it a bit nightmarish to navigate -- if you can navigate it all. The spot is so hard to get to that I don't worry in the slightest that anyone would ever get to it without my guidance, while I imagine even the bears in the area are like, fuck THAT noise. Bears are the main issue. Have had a few close calls with them in the past. You see, this is a spot I've actually lived in for months, covertly, on various adventures Into The Wild. Took me weeks of hunting and thinking about spots until I found the perfect one. Once, at this spot, I was awoken at 3 am or so by this horrendous scraping, rending, ripping sound a couple dozen yards away. Sounded like a very large monster eating a very large tree. Found out later that bears sometimes like to claw the living shit out of trees, for some reasons I can't remember, other than to terrify he living shit out of solitary campers in the middle of the night. Another incident involved an open packet of mustard that made a mess throughout my backpack. Ultra pungent food scent + being in bear territory = BAD NEWS. Felt very iffy about exploring much that day as a result... And then I can across what looked like a human leg bone. Stared at the leg bone a bit. Then decided to say Fuck THAT Crazy Shit. Went back from whence I came, across a field for a hundred yards, then across a road, to where my bike was. Suddenly, a car stopped, a couple nice round fat people got out, and were gawking in EXACTLY the direction I had just come from. "Holy Shit!" Exclaimed one, "That's the biggest fucking bear I've ever seen!" I was a couple dozen yards away, behind a mass of bushes, and by the time I came out to see, the bear had scampered back into the forest... Exactly where I'd been 20 minutes prior. So I currently have 3 defenses versus a bear attack. Bears fear loud shrill synthetic sounds, and the million-volt stun gun I have makes the craziest loudest electric crackling synthetic sound imaginable. So I'm pretty sure just the sound of it would scare off the vast majority of bears in the area. Then I have pepper spray with a wide area effect that shoots 20 feet, for when I'm out of my tent. But you don't want to be spraying pepper spray INSIDE of your tent, in case of a bear attack, so I have a second, gel-based pepper spray that requires you to aim well (as it comes out as a stream of gel), but doesn't fill the air with a cloud of devastating pepper mist that would choke and blind you as much as your attacker were you to fire it in your tent. So I feel pretty safe in my little tent, in my Hideout, in the middle of the deep dark forest... Except for sometimes, in the middle of moonless nights, when it seems like The Blair Witch is right outside the tent, waiting to devour me. It's a pretty unusual thing, being alone in a tent deep in the forest, deep at night... And sometimes, just freaky as hell. Feels like you KNOW She's out there, waiting to kill and eat you, and maybe not in that order. But for the past 5 days, no sign of The Witch. Felt very peaceful, quiet, tranquil out there, every night. But should The Blair Witch threaten, I have a plan. Which I'll go into in my next blog post: Smoking Death Star With The Blair Witch.