dearestghost

[dearestghost]

i know i am being super erratic with posting lately, and that i’ve also been posting only stuff about vanya lately BUT i have another hc for you all.

vanya is non binary, but they’re actually not out to any of their siblings as of the end of season 2. this isn’t a malicious thing, it’s just that for vanya, their gender identity is important to them and feels more like a vulnerability than anything. of course they wouldn’t give a shit that they use she and her pronouns, it’s just that vanya feels close to precisely none of them. there’s a lot of mending that has to be done following season 2, and vanya has to participate in it. it’s not one sided. that facet of their identity is just something they’re not ready to share with any of them yet, except maybe five, but that’s a strong maybe. five was the one they felt closest to as a child, yes, but they’re now almost 30 now, which has undeniably shifted their relationship. 

#VANYA HARGREEVES ! ✂︎ ━━ i’ve seen homesick insomniacs uninterested in rest engineer bedrooms out of the loose skin of a musician !

[dearestghost]

did y’all think i was joking ?    not on your life. apologies for this being a mess, i’ll write up a nicer version of this later.

vanya has diagnosed borderline personality disorder, and there’s been debate among her past therapists if she also fits with narcissistic personality disorder ( though there is strong agreement that she has narcissistic traits. ) as a result, to call vanya’s relationships volatile is an understatement, as vanya does form very strong and idealized attachments to people and concepts. this includes her feelings about five, which is not to say their relationship wasn’t strong, but to say it was definitely idealized before and especially after his disappearance. this is also a very strong point as to why vanya became so attached to leonard even if i write their relationship as having been significantly longer. it’s why she doesn’t question him much if at all, especially when compared to her siblings.

her siblings with the exception of five (mostly) exist on the other end of the pendulum’s swing. they are villains. she couldn’t gain their affection and so she holds them in similar regard to reginald. they are villains in her mind, they enabled her abuse and so she felt completely justified in not just burning the bridge but trying to destroy them. if not for allison’s powers, that book probably would have destroyed her career, and it all but definitely caused some fairly intense public backlash against her. it affected all her siblings in ways she did and didn’t think about, but she didn’t care because she wanted them to hurt like she did.

the most common diagnosis people tend to give vanya is rapid cycling bipolar i because of her clear emotional instability in the limited time we have with her in the show and the evidence of mania. first of all, rapid cycling bipolar is four or more mood swings in a year. not a week, a year. instability on a day to day and hour to hour basis is much more indicative of borderline, which hinges largely on the presence of others and relationships to them for any vague stability. it’s also impulsive decisions ( the initial decision to write the book, running off to a cabin with your boyfriend on a whim, what if we ran away together with your son even though it’s physically impossible to outrun the apocalypse, murdering leonard even if he pushed her )  and the extremities of relationships. people are either loved and the most important figures in her life, or hated. she falls in love hard and fast, and hates with unparalleled intensity to the point of actively trying to destroy their lives. even tempered dramatically by the medication used to suppress her powers and numb her, she still felt so much resentment towards her siblings that she wrote the book, just try to imagine that level of intense disdain and entitlement to others’ trauma and experiences. vanya embodying the white violin the way she did in the end of season one was an embodiment of extreme mania, she was lashing out in extreme and violent ways after detoxxing from her medication which also does not happen that quickly for the record i know this is a show with magic powers but biology still exists.

it’s also worth noting the way vanya takes her pills in the show makes absolutely no sense unless they are a fast acting anti-anxiety medication in *addition* to an intense mood stabilizer. if she took her meds just whenever “felt right” she would have discovered the white violin SIGNIFICANTLY earlier because she would have been emotionally unstable and rapidly cycled between over and under medicated.

the tl;dr of this absolute mess ; the show had a chance of showing a really compelling character with bpd and narcissism but instead they fumbled it hard and instead they gave us a messy arc in season 1 and a half assed arc in season 2 by removing vanya’s memories and thus 85% of her agency and even if i love sissy and harlan i refuse to just play along with not handling *any* of what vanya went through in season 1 for convenience ( mark my words in season 3 they won’t address it any meaningful way either ). thank you for enduring my messy ramblings.

tune in tomorrow for my extensive meta about why and how vee is heavily coded as borderline and why rapid cycling bp is very heavily misused in media and how the fact that vee has lowkey narcissistic tendencies ( i said what i said ) plays into all of this because i have a lot to say.

#VANYA HARGREEVES ! ✂︎ ━━ i’ve seen homesick insomniacs uninterested in rest engineer bedrooms out of the loose skin of a musician !

[dearestghost]

✰  THE ‘ WE’RE ALL STILL EMO AF ‘ LYRIC STARTERS

FALL OUT BOY 

‘  am i more than you bargained for yet?  ’ ‘  cause that’s just who i am this week.  ’ ‘  isn’t it messed up how i’m just dying to be him?  ’ ‘  i confess, i messed up.  ’ ‘  i don’t blame you for being you, but you can’t blame me for hating it.  ’ ‘  darling, what did you expect?  ’ ‘  i could have died with you.  ’ ‘  let’s play this came called ‘when you catch fire i wouldn’t piss to put you out.’  ’ ‘  breaking hearts has never looked so cool.  ’ ‘  you were the last good thing about this part of town.  ’ ‘  i’m not a shoulder to cry on, but i digress.  ’ ‘  i wrote the gospel on giving up.  ’ ‘  joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of best friends.  ’ ‘  my back is breaking from this heavy heart.  ’ ‘  thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great.  ’ ‘  see, he tastes like you, only sweeter.  ’ ‘  get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes.  ’ ‘  i’m a liner away from getting you into the mood.  ’ ‘  last year’s wishes are this years apologies.  ’ ‘  we’re the new face of failure. prettier and younger, but not any better off.  ’

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

‘  what’s the worst that i can say?  ’ ‘  things are better if i stay.  ’ ‘  so long and goodnight.  ’ ‘  and then we’ll meet again when both our cars collide.  ’ ‘  never think i’ll make you try to stay.  ’ ‘  i don’t love you like i did yesterday.  ’ ‘  fix your eyes and get up.  ’ ‘  i never said i’d lie and wait forever.  ’ ‘  you are never coming home.  ’ ‘  if you wanted honesty that’s all you had to say.  ’ ‘  i never want to let you down or have you go.  ’ ‘  i’m not okay.  ’ ‘  for the last time, take a good hard look.  ’ ‘  when i was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a marching band.  ’ ‘  we’ll carry on.  ’ ‘  your misery and hate will kill us all.  ’ ‘  the world will never take my heart.  ’ ‘  go and try, you’ll never break me.  ’ ‘  give a cheer for the broken.  ’ ‘  teenagers scare the living shit out of me.  ’ ‘  you’re never gonna fit in much, kid.  ’

TAKING BACK SUNDAY 

‘  can’t you just forget it?  ’ ‘  i started something i couldn’t finish.  ’ ‘  if we go down, we go down together.  ’ ‘  everything i know about breaking hearts i learned from you.  ’ ‘  i’ve made long term plans based on these mistakes.  ’ ‘  don’t let it get to your head.  ’ ‘  boys like you are a dime a dozen.  ’ ‘  you’re a touch overrated.  ’ ‘  you’e a lush and i hate it.  ’ ‘  all i need to know is that i’m something you’ll be missing.  ’ ‘  maybe i should hate you for this.  ’ ‘  i’d never lie to you unless i had to.  ’ ‘  the truth is that you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath, i’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt.  ’ ‘  you are everything i want cause you are everything i’m not.  ’ ‘  i just wanna break you down so badly in the worst way.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna make damn sure that you can’t ever leave.  ’ ‘  you won’t ever get too far from me.  ’ ‘  your lipstick, his collar… don’t bother, angel. i know exactly what goes on.  ’ ‘  will you tell all your friends you’ve got your gun to my head?  ’ ‘  that all was only wishful thinking.  ’

PANIC AT THE DISCO

‘  am i who you think about in bed?  ’ ‘  i’ve got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck.  ’ ‘  sweetie, you had me.  ’ ‘  no, no, no, you know it will always be me.  ’ ‘  i hope you didn’t expect to get all of the attention.  ’ ‘  what a shame, the poor groom’s bride is a whore.  ’ ‘  haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?  ’ ‘  i mean, technically our marriage is saved.  ’ ‘  it’s much better to face these things with a sense of poise and rationality.  ’ ‘  it’s just the end of the world.  ’ ‘  things are shaping up to be pretty odd.  ’ ‘  now i’m the only one to blame.  ’ ‘  things have changed for me, and that’s okay.  ’ ‘  northern downpour sends its love.  ’ ‘  you clicked your heels and wished for me.  ’ ‘  i know the worlds a broken bone.  ’

ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS

‘  your subtleties, they strangle me.  ’ ‘  i can’t explain myself at all.  ’ ‘  maybe it’s best you leave me alone.  ’ ‘  i can’t explain what you can’t explain.  ’ ‘  it ends tonight.  ’ ‘  when you see my face, i hope it gives you hell.  ’ ‘  truth be told, i miss you.  ’ ‘  truth be told, i miss you. and truth be told, i’m lying.  ’ ‘  if you find a man that’s worth a damn and treats you well then he’s a fool.  ’ ‘  you’ll never see what you’ve done to me.  ’ ‘  you can take back your memories, they’re no good for me.  ’ ‘  let me know what i’ve done wrong.  ’ ‘  you are the only one that needs to know.  ’ ‘  i’ll keep you my dirty little secret.  ’ ‘  don’t tell anyone or you’ll be just another regret.  ’ ‘  speak to me.  ’ ‘  when all you got to keep is strong, move along.  ’ ‘  when everything is wrong, we move along.  ’ ‘  i’m dreaming of her.  ’ ‘  the nights are long and i am left while the tears fall.  ’ ‘  did you think that i would cry on the phone?  ’ ‘  do you know what it feels like being alone?  ’ ‘  i’ll find someone new.  ’ ‘  can you help me find a way to carry on again.  ’

MAYDAY PARADE

‘  may i say i loved you more?  ’ ‘  this time we spent together was meant to last us for awhile.  ’ ‘  you’re an angel sent to save.  ’ ‘  if you go down, i go with you.  ’ ‘  let’s drink to memories we shared.  ’ ‘  before too long, you’ll be a memory.  ’ ‘  so tell me honestly, did you ever really wan this?  ’ ‘  my jealous heart can’t take that.  ’ ‘  i’ll be okay. is that what you want me to say?  ’ ‘  it’s called break-up ‘cause it’s broken.  ’ ‘  please don’t tell me that i’m dreaming.  ’ ‘  i’m throwing away pictures that i never should have taken in the first place.  ’ ‘  i’m just hoping you’re not seeing his face.  ’ ‘  it was him that took my place.  ’ ‘  even broken hearts may have their doubts.  ’ ‘  you smiled the whole way through it, i guess maybe that’s what’s worse.  ’ ‘  i hope this makes you happy now.  ’ ‘  take me home.  ’ ‘  i’d rather die than be with you.  ’ ‘  i know you’re trying your hardest.  ’ ‘  the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared.  ’ ‘  compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright.  ’ ‘  let’s not pretend like you’re alone tonight, i know he’s there.  ’ ‘  i guess that i can live without you but without you i’ll be miserable at best.  ’ ‘  without you i’ll be miserable at best.  ’ ‘  you’re all that i hoped i’d find in every single way.  ’ ‘  the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay.  ’ ‘  it’s been three whole days since i’ve had sleep ‘cause i dream of his lips on your cheeks.  ’ ‘  i got the point that i should leave you alone, but we both know that i’m not that strong.  ’ ‘  i miss the lips that made me fly.  ’ ‘  young love is such dumb love.  ’ ‘  you’re still out of my reach.  ’ ‘  how could i ask you to leave me?  ’ ‘  we were just kids in love.  ’ ‘  the first kiss stole the breath from my lips. why did the last one tear us apart?  ’

#for what it's worth vanya's muse is AWAKE and she is FEISTY

[dearestghost]

#VANYA HARGREEVES ! ✂︎ ━━ i’ve seen homesick insomniacs uninterested in rest engineer bedrooms out of the loose skin of a musician ! #ALBUS DUMBLEDORE ! ✂︎ ━━ it’s ten years later and they are still dead ! #CURT MEGA ! ✂︎ ━━ it’s strange how you can miss something you hate ! how raging fullness is always preferable to the quiet empty ! #ELLIE ! ✂︎ ━━ deep down under the blood and viscera i know you’re a good person ! #JANE PERKINS ! ✂︎ ━━ my paper death somewhere suddenly breaks her pirouette ! #LEONARD PEABODY ! ✂︎ ━━ all is not lost so at least i am alive enough to be mad about all that is ! #PETER PETTIGREW ! ✂︎ ━━ a memory is a story told so well it becomes a part of the body ! #i write a whole lot of hot messes huh

[dearestghost]

tune in tomorrow for my extensive meta about why and how vee is heavily coded as borderline and why rapid cycling bp is very heavily misused in media and how the fact that vee has lowkey narcissistic tendencies ( i said what i said ) plays into all of this because i have a lot to say.

[dearestghost]

*leans in very close to the microphone*          vanya is not a nice person. i love her to absolute pieces but she is also a bitch who knowingly and purposefully retraumatized her siblings not because it gave her any sort of closure, it was explicitly to hurt them as retribution for what they did as kids. what they did as kids was not fair or okay or justified but what she did as an adult was not an impulse decision. it was written on a typewriter. it was edited. it was sent to a publisher. it was edited again and again until it was just right. it was publicized. she did readings and press tours. she made an active decision to lash out at all of her siblings in the harshest possible way that she could. she wanted them to suffer for it. she is not a nice person, and her trauma does not excuse her actions in any way shape or form. she is capable of being nice, and of being an absolute monster, but she places the full blame for the latter on her family and she needs to learn some personal accountability for it.

#VANYA HARGREEVES ! ✂︎ ━━ i’ve seen homesick insomniacs uninterested in rest engineer bedrooms out of the loose skin of a musician !

[dearestghost]

meltedwiing​:

@dearestghost

​ said :  ❝ you don’t know me, you only know what i allow you to know. ❞

       ❝ yeah? and despite your little book, sis, ❞   he spits back, a dagger aiming for its mark and… falling short.   ❝ you don’t know shit about me, either. ❞   ( the lie detector determined that… is a lie. rough news, buddy ). and then, because he never knows when to keep his goddamn mouth shut,   ❝ you should be happy dad didn’t force you through our training. do you know how many times i nearly killed five? how, if luther hadn’t pulled a punch, i would have gone through a fucking wall? but sure, him ignoring you was just the goddamn worst, wasn’t it. ❞

                  ❛  i’m  sure  you  could  tell  me  all  about  that  number two.  ❜     the word is bitten off with no small amount of malice, she’s long since learned not to be cowed by the imposing figures that her siblings cut. she hardly uses the s word with regards to them anymore after spending so long in the collective shadow of the academy.      ❛  the  book  even  made  it  to  number  one  ,  not  that  you  ever  did.  you’re  just  scared  to  admit  you  were  the  same  as  me  ,  never  good  enough  for  dad.  ❜ 

                    she doesn’t feel remorse for this, or the book. her therapist says that it’s borderline narcissistic, vanya simply calls it survival in the hargreeves household. not that she lives there anymore. did she ever really ? or was she just haunting the halls until it was her turn to make an escape from the gravity of the black hole that reginald had created.      ❛  the  hero  complex  isn’t  fooling  anyone  either.  you  left  the  police  academy  before  they  could  kick  you  out  ,  left  the  academy  because  dad  wouldn’t  notice  you  ,  and  your  girlfriend dumped  you  ,  so  now  you  play  batman  on  the  weekend  to  make  yourself  feel  better.  ❜     at least, that’s what the ex girlfriend who had been in the academy said at the time, and she assumes it to be true enough.      ❛  so  tell  me  again  how  i’m  the  one  who  had  my  life  destroyed  by  dad  ignoring  me.  or  at  least  that’s  what  i  blame  it  on  ,  right  ?  ❜

#meltedwiing #VANYA INT ! ✂︎ ━━ i have lost all interest in having a self ! being a person has always meant getting blamed for it ! #i'm so sorry for her behavior 0 to 100 in 0.58573 seconds

[dearestghost]

“I’m looking for an angle I can use on Bulshar.”

#BOBO DEL REY ! ✂︎ ━━ time is a conversation that continues to move whether or not you are paying attention ! #BOBO & DOC TAG PENDING. #FENRIR GREYBACK ! ✂︎ ━━ there is nothing i wish to contain !

[dearestghost]

TAGS 5 !

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE !         ✂︎ ━━  it’s ten years later and they are still dead ! ALBUS INT !         ✂︎ ━━  can you perform autopsies on conversations from lifetimes ago ?  ALASTOR MOODY !         ✂︎ ━━  what will you sing if the hunger resides in your blood ? ALASTOR INT !         ✂︎ ━━  what does it mean to have an instinct ? BOBO DEL REY !         ✂︎ ━━  time is a conversation that continues to move whether or not you are paying attention ! BOBO INT !         ✂︎ ━━  this is what you get for not believing in demon ! CLAUDIA YORK !         ✂︎ ━━  attention ! all is lost ! contact your loves while you still can ! CLAUDIA INT !         ✂︎ ━━  the world as a glass of wine on the edge ! if someone doesn’t do something we’ll get blood on the carpet ! CURT MEGA !         ✂︎ ━━  it’s strange how you can miss something you hate ! how raging fullness is always preferable to the quiet empty ! CURT INT !         ✂︎ ━━  it’s not every day a bar crawl turns into an international heist ! DEBORAH MURPHY !         ✂︎ ━━  you said you would do anything for love ! it’s their fault for not believing you ! DEB INT !         ✂︎ ━━  i have a sword made of moonlight and the means to bury my ghosts ! smiting the fuck out of you is still on the table ! ELAINE OLIVO !         ✂︎ ━━  you are a good person and that is probably the worst part of you ! ELAINE INT !         ✂︎ ━━  i wish having answers and getting closure actually counted towards something ! ELLIE !         ✂︎ ━━  deep down under the blood and viscera i know you’re a good person ! ELLIE INT !         ✂︎ ━━  there’s a whole big world out there ! i call dibs on drowning it ! FENRIR GREYBACK !       ✂︎ ━━  there is nothing i wish to contain ! FENRIR INT !       ✂︎ ━━  it is eternal and sometimes unspeakably brutal ! GWEN BARRYWOOD !         ✂︎ ━━  the world gives you so much pain and here you are making gold out of it ! GWEN INT !         ✂︎ ━━  i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals and ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside !

#ALBUS DUMBLEDORE ! ✂︎ ━━ it’s ten years later and they are still dead ! #ALBUS INT ! ✂︎ ━━ can you perform autopsies on conversations from lifetimes ago ? #ALASTOR MOODY ! ✂︎ ━━ what will you sing if the hunger resides in your blood ? #ALASTOR INT ! ✂︎ ━━ what does it mean to have an instinct ? #BOBO DEL REY ! ✂︎ ━━ time is a conversation that continues to move whether or not you are paying attention ! #BOBO INT ! ✂︎ ━━ this is what you get for not believing in demon ! #CLAUDIA YORK ! ✂︎ ━━ attention ! all is lost ! contact your loves while you still can ! #CLAUDIA INT ! ✂︎ ━━ the world as a glass of wine on the edge ! if someone doesn’t do something we’ll get blood on the carpet ! #CURT MEGA ! ✂︎ ━━ it’s strange how you can miss something you hate ! how raging fullness is always preferable to the quiet empty ! #CURT INT ! ✂︎ ━━ it’s not every day a bar crawl turns into an international heist ! #DEBORAH MURPHY ! ✂︎ ━━ you said you would do anything for love ! it’s their fault for not believing you ! #DEB INT ! ✂︎ ━━ i have a sword made of moonlight and the means to bury my ghosts ! smiting the fuck out of you is still on the tabl #ELAINE OLIVO ! ✂︎ ━━ you are a good person and that is probably the worst part of you ! #ELAINE INT ! ✂︎ ━━ i wish having answers and getting closure actually counted towards something ! #ELLIE ! ✂︎ ━━ deep down under the blood and viscera i know you’re a good person ! #ELLIE INT ! ✂︎ ━━ there’s a whole big world out there ! i call dibs on drowning it ! #FENRIR GREYBACK ! ✂︎ ━━ there is nothing i wish to contain ! #FENRIR INT ! ✂︎ ━━ it is eternal and sometimes unspeakably brutal ! #GWEN BARRYWOOD ! ✂︎ ━━ the world gives you so much pain and here you are making gold out of it ! #GWEN INT ! ✂︎ ━━ i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals and ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside !

[dearestghost]

—   ask meme   :   MABEL,   a podcast by becca de la rosa and mabel martin.   episodes 23 (bull in the maze) & 24 (coalescence).

i’ve been cultivating unkindness. i’ve been cultivating a lot of things — i’m a fertile field, it turns out — but unkindness is the most interesting.

it is unkind of me to try and play a trick on you.

i can hear everything, warped and distorted but broadcast somehow.

i can’t dig you out; i can’t reach my fingers deep enough inside my own brain, inside my own ribcage.

without you, divorced from even the idea of you, i have no substance, no form.

you are the antithesis that gives me definition.

another tragic love story, who needs that?

tragedy is the point.

do you think you have a monopoly on anger?

i’m not really anything like a person.

i love you and love you and love you, just as i am gone and gone and gone.

i can’t imagine a version of myself that would not love you.

i dream of you. sometimes in my dreams you are singing. sometimes you’re raging at me.

don’t leave me.

i killed someone. i killed someone.

i’ll set myself on fire to give you light.

i don’t want you to be lost. i don’t want you to be stuck. i just want you to be free, and joyous, and buoyant.

i woke up needing you, you artery ripped loose from me, all bloody and twining.

time rattles on its hinges.

i’ve come to barter.

do you think i’m as fickle as a human?

are those matches? what do you think you’re doing?

i do not have time for this. you can be angry at me later, you can scream and rage at me when you’re not in danger anymore.

am i the martyr or are you?

there are other ways to get me to shut up, you know.

i believe you. i always believe you.

you’re always so right. it must be such a burden.

i must hate you, is that it? that’s why i did all this, because i want you gone.

i am with you because i want to be. that’s all.

i will love you like a fire loves a forest.

time has made liars and cheats of us all.

i will make a bullet of my mouth. i will make a knife of my heart.

you think you are the monster at the end of this book?

[dearestghost]

♡   PINTEREST FINDS  -  VOL. 3

adult  themes / language tw.customize  as  you  need / wish  !

Sometimes there’s honor in revenge.

You don’t get to die and be reborn the same.  You come back, but you come back wrong.  This is the price you pay for resurrection. 

Just found out the world doesn’t revolve around me. 

Honest feelings and bad timing make the most painful combinations.

If you met my family, you would understand. 

I have songs that always make me think of you.

You already know how this will end.

We have each other.

If (s)he’s important to you, show her/him.

We should kiss.

If you don’t let your past die, then it won’t let you live.

True friends stab you in the front.

Something about you made me feel a little more alive and a far less lost. 

My brother never came back.

You don’t need a reason to save people. 

The fact that you are trying is proof that you are strong.

Always have an escape plan.

Some things go too deep to be forgotten.

Don’t let your friends drink alone.

Filled with poison but blessed with beauty and rage.

I think that saving people is just about the coolest thing someone can do.

You don’t know me, you only know what I allow you to know.

While we wait for life, life passes.

I don’t know what I feel anymore.

The silent ones are the most observant ones. 

I am, as the poets say, a mess.

Let my tongue explain how bad I crave you.

Always in the mood for you.

I noticed everything. I just acted like I didn’t.

My problem is that even when I hate you, I love you. 

We were a family of weirdoes, I had to admit. 

[dearestghost]

TAGS 4 / SHIPS [ PLATONIC & ROMANTIC ] !

VANYA & EMILIE !         ✂︎ ━━  and the eternal struggle of silence and dissimulation can cease ! VANYA & BETELGEUSE !         ✂︎ ━━  from time to time we avenge ourselves for all our enforced concealment and compulsory self restraint ! VANYA & KLAUS !         ✂︎ ━━  sometimes enduring is too much to bear ! you forget how to go on in a world that didn’t want you !

PETER & JAMES !         ✂︎ ━━  you were always strong ! when you were young you’d kick things just to see if they would fall ! PETER & SIRIUS !         ✂︎ ━━  you are screaming far too loud to hear me swear just because i left doesn’t mean i’m not still there ! PETER & REMUS !         ✂︎ ━━  the scratching grows so loud because all that unwanted animal wants is to get out ! PETER & MARAUDERS !         ✂︎ ━━  grow each time that thunder in your lungs begins to rumble at the world ! PETER & FIRST ORDER !         ✂︎ ━━  ret not dear heart ! let not them hear the muttering of all your fears the fluttering of all your wings ! PETER & LILY !         ✂︎ ━━  you watch the stars hurl all their fundaments in wonderment at you and yours forever asking more !

GWEN & PIERCE !         ✂︎ ━━  what could one possibly say about life to a person who has already seen the smirk on death’s face ? GWEN & BARRYWOODS !         ✂︎ ━━  half of you is postcard the other half of you is trying to rebuild what years ago was burned to the ground ! GWEN & SOLVE IT SQUAD !         ✂︎ ━━  i know i’m lucky to be alive at the same time as you but i also know you’re more afraid of opening up than losing me ! GWEN & KEITH !         ✂︎ ━━  you visit while i sleep ! your fingers trace my spine and i listen to you breathe ! please stop haunting me ! GWEN & DYLAN !         ✂︎ ━━  we once had fear and reverence for angels and aliens !

CURT & OWEN !         ✂︎ ━━  when he broke your heart did he also crack your spine so you would always fall in his direction ?

#VANYA & EMILIE ! ✂︎ ━━ and the eternal struggle of silence and dissimulation can cease ! #VANYA & BETELGEUSE ! ✂︎ ━━ from time to time we avenge ourselves for all our enforced concealment and compulsory self restraint ! #VANYA & KLAUS ! ✂︎ ━━ sometimes enduring is too much to bear ! you forget how to go on in a world that didn’t want you ! #PETER & JAMES ! ✂︎ ━━ you were always strong ! when you were young you’d kick things just to see if they would fall ! #PETER & SIRIUS ! ✂︎ ━━ you are screaming far too loud to hear me swear just because i left doesn’t mean i’m not still there ! #PETER & REMUS ! ✂︎ ━━ the scratching grows so loud because all that unwanted animal wants is to get out ! #PETER & MARAUDERS ! ✂︎ ━━ grow each time that thunder in your lungs begins to rumble at the world ! #PETER & FIRST ORDER ! ✂︎ ━━ ret not dear heart ! let not them hear the muttering of all your fears the fluttering of all your wings #PETER & LILY ! ✂︎ ━━ you watch the stars hurl all their fundaments in wonderment at you and yours forever asking more ! #GWEN & PIERCE ! ✂︎ ━━ what could one possibly say about life to a person who has already seen the smirk on death’s face ? #GWEN & BARRYWOODS ! ✂︎ ━━ half of you is postcard the other half of you is trying to rebuild what years ago was burned to the groun #CURT & OWEN ! ✂︎ ━━ when he broke your heart did he also crack your spine so you would always fall in his direction ? #GWEN & SOLVE IT SQUAD ! ✂︎ ━━ i know i’m lucky to be alive at the same time as you but i also know you’re more afraid of opening up #GWEN & KEITH ! ✂︎ ━━ you visit while i sleep ! your fingers trace my spine and i listen to you breathe ! please stop haunting me ! #GWEN & DYLAN ! ✂︎ ━━ we once had fear and reverence for angels and aliens !

[dearestghost]

TAGS 3 !

HADES !         ✂︎ ━━  the heartbreak never washes out of the floors ! but the blood comes out of the clothes ! HADES INT !         ✂︎ ━━  in the temple of ribbed walls my heart is prickling ! JANE PERKINS !         ✂︎ ━━  my paper death somewhere suddenly breaks her pirouette ! JANE INT !         ✂︎ ━━  like an empty perfume bottle dim glass without contents but still the phantom scent of withered flowers ! JEREMY CHETRI !         ✂︎ ━━  and i woke up broken and laughing ! JEREMY INT !         ✂︎ ━━  keep to a strict diet of ill advised enthusiasm and heartfelt regret ! LEONARD PEABODY !         ✂︎ ━━  all is not lost so at least i am alive enough to be mad about all that is ! LEONARD INT !         ✂︎ ━━  our bodies are ours to break ! to throw into rivers ! to light on fire ! to launch into the depths of space ! LEX FOSTER !         ✂︎ ━━  you are laughing ! you are crying ! you are filled with red burning heat ! you can’t tell if it’s anger or love ! LEX INT !         ✂︎ ━━  i know that chainsaws can laugh ! that everything that cuts loves to laugh ! LINDA MONROE !         ✂︎ ━━  a thunderstorm that sounded like glass ! like crystal ! like an orchestra ! LINDA INT !         ✂︎ ━━  and my heart is again in the fog ! bitterness of thoughts is a blade in the language ! LUNA LOVEGOOD !         ✂︎ ━━  she once was a soft melody soothing your sad soul now she is a chilling silence ! LUNA INT !         ✂︎ ━━  in the gaps of the flesh the heart is beating uneasily ! MISS HOLLOWAY !         ✂︎ ━━  the dark you walk blazing is truly your own ! HOLLOWAY INT !         ✂︎ ━━  what if i split this yearning open and held it to the light ? I doubt either of us would survive that kind of truth ! PETER PETTIGREW !       ✂︎ ━━  a memory is a story told so well it becomes a part of the body ! PETER INT !       ✂︎ ━━  i don’t know what tense to frame my own trauma ! SIR REGINALD HARGREEVES !         ✂︎ ━━  here is where my body lies ! it lied as well in life !

#HADES ! ✂︎ ━━ the heartbreak never washes out of the floors ! but the blood comes out of the clothes ! #HADES INT ! ✂︎ ━━ in the temple of ribbed walls my heart is prickling ! #JANE PERKINS ! ✂︎ ━━ my paper death somewhere suddenly breaks her pirouette ! #JANE INT ! ✂︎ ━━ like an empty perfume bottle dim glass without contents but still the phantom scent of withered flowers ! #JEREMY CHETRI ! ✂︎ ━━ and i woke up broken and laughing ! #JEREMY INT ! ✂︎ ━━ keep to a strict diet of ill advised enthusiasm and heartfelt regret ! #LEONARD PEABODY ! ✂︎ ━━ all is not lost so at least i am alive enough to be mad about all that is ! #LEONARD INT ! ✂︎ ━━ our bodies are ours to break ! to throw into rivers ! to light on fire ! to launch into the depths of space ! #LEX FOSTER ! ✂︎ ━━ you are laughing ! you are crying ! you are filled with red burning heat ! you can’t tell if it’s anger or love #LEX INT ! ✂︎ ━━ i know that chainsaws can laugh ! that everything that cuts loves to laugh ! #LINDA MONROE ! ✂︎ ━━ a thunderstorm that sounded like glass ! like crystal ! like an orchestra ! #LINDA INT ! ✂︎ ━━ and my heart is again in the fog ! bitterness of thoughts is a blade in the language ! #LUNA LOVEGOOD ! ✂︎ ━━ she once was a soft melody soothing your sad soul now she is a chilling silence ! #LUNA INT ! ✂︎ ━━ in the gaps of the flesh the heart is beating uneasily ! #MISS HOLLOWAY ! ✂︎ ━━ the dark you walk blazing is truly your own ! #HOLLOWAY INT ! ✂︎ ━━ what if i split this yearning open and held it to the light ? I doubt either of us would survive that kind of #PETER PETTIGREW ! ✂︎ ━━ a memory is a story told so well it becomes a part of the body ! #PETER INT ! ✂︎ ━━ i don’t know what tense to frame my own trauma ! #SIR REGINALD HARGREEVES ! ✂︎ ━━ here is where my body lies ! it lied as well in life !

[dearestghost]

TAGS 2 / SHIPS [ PLATONIC & ROMANTIC ] !

VICTORIA & LUCY !         ✂︎ ━━  i will rip my heart from my sleeves and let the carnage remain beneath my nails ! SCHAFFER & MCNAMARA !         ✂︎ ━━  no one could ever be comparable to the way you and i understand each other in the absence of words ! DEB & BILL !         ✂︎ ━━  i hate that i have to remind you to remember me ! DEB & ALICE !         ✂︎ ━━ say if you love them because a love not confessed is a poem not read goodness that’s withheld ! WILEY & HANNAH !         ✂︎ ━━  did you ever feel as though something were rising up inside you ? ! a fire white ghost ! WILEY & MCNAMARA !         ✂︎ ━━  you can put down the blade made perfect by your blood ! set aside the fury until you need it ! WILEY & WIGGLY !         ✂︎ ━━  now about the cruelty that made modernism ! LEX & ETHAN !         ✂︎ ━━  crashing worlds ! falling stars !  breaking all of who we are ! I want infinity with you ! LEX & HANNAH !         ✂︎ ━━  remember you’re fundamental to the connectivity of this world nothing’s insignificant about you ! LEX & WILEY !         ✂︎ ━━  i think i’m seeing ghosts in the nightmare of reality ! LEX & WIGGLY !         ✂︎ ━━  like dry leaves in autumn i will burn every memory you left me with !

VANYA & LUTHER !         ✂︎ ━━  on the moon listening to the air hiss out of his spacesuit. he can’t find the hole ! VANYA & DIEGO !         ✂︎ ━━  you would rather die than confront your mistakes ! VANYA & ALLISON !         ✂︎ ━━  the gouging tooth of beauty sinking in ! VANYA & FIVE !         ✂︎ ━━  we wish for nothing more than truth and straightforwardness we are surrounded by a net of misunderstanding ! VANYA & BEN !         ✂︎ ━━  you can get hit with a day ! an hour ! a half a second when so much happens it's almost like you’re born again ! VANYA & LEONARD !         ✂︎ ━━  if you offer a sorry mouth they’ll break it ! VANYA & HARGREEVES !         ✂︎ ━━  everyone gets hurt and the hurt can be heard asking the same question ! why is no one stopping this ? VANYA & REGINALD !         ✂︎ ━━   he cannot hear the voice of my silence and i will not listen any longer when his speaks in return ! VANYA & GRACE !         ✂︎ ━━   a thousand moments that i took for granted because i assumed that there would be a thousand more !

#VICTORIA & LUCY ! ✂︎ ━━ i will rip my heart from my sleeves and let the carnage remain beneath my nails ! #SCHAFFER & MCNAMARA ! ✂︎ ━━ no one could ever be comparable to the way you and i understand each other in the absence of words ! #DEB & BILL ! ✂︎ ━━ i hate that i have to remind you to remember me ! #DEB & ALICE ! ✂︎ ━━ say if you love them because a love not confessed is a poem not read goodness that’s withheld ! #WILEY & HANNAH ! ✂︎ ━━ did you ever feel as though something were rising up inside you ? ! a fire white ghost ! #WILEY & MCNAMARA ! ✂︎ ━━ you can put down the blade made perfect by your blood ! set aside the fury until you need it ! #WILEY & WIGGLY ! ✂︎ ━━ now about the cruelty that made modernism ! #LEX & ETHAN ! ✂︎ ━━ crashing worlds ! falling stars ! breaking all of who we are ! I want infinity with you ! #LEX & HANNAH ! ✂︎ ━━ remember you’re fundamental to the connectivity of this world nothing’s insignificant about you ! #LEX & WILEY ! ✂︎ ━━ i think i’m seeing ghosts in the nightmare of reality ! #LEX & WIGGLY ! ✂︎ ━━ like dry leaves in autumn i will burn every memory you left me with ! #VANYA & LUTHER ! ✂︎ ━━ on the moon listening to the air hiss out of his spacesuit. he can’t find the hole ! #VANYA & DIEGO ! ✂︎ ━━ you would rather die than confront your mistakes ! #VANYA & ALLISON ! ✂︎ ━━ the gouging tooth of beauty sinking in ! #VANYA & FIVE ! ✂︎ ━━ we wish for nothing more than truth and straightforwardness we are surrounded by a net of misunderstanding ! #VANYA & BEN ! ✂︎ ━━ you can get hit with a day ! an hour ! a half a second when so much happens it's almost like you’re born again #VANYA & LEONARD ! ✂︎ ━━ if you offer a sorry mouth they’ll break it ! #VANYA & HARGREEVES ! ✂︎ ━━ everyone gets hurt and the hurt can be heard asking the same question ! why is no one stopping this ? #VANYA & REGINALD ! ✂︎ ━━ he cannot hear the voice of my silence and i will not listen any longer when his speaks in return ! #VANYA & GRACE ! ✂︎ ━━ a thousand moments that i took for granted because i assumed that there would be a thousand more !

[dearestghost]

TAGS 1 !

LIEUTENANT AMANDA SCHAFFER !         ✂︎ ━━  nothing exists except atoms and empty space everything else is opinion ! SCHAFFER INT !         ✂︎ ━━  something always has to die for the rest to live ! a truth we cannot avoid only try to circumvent ! COMMANDER UP !         ✂︎ ━━  i am riding the night on a full tank of gas and my headlights are reaching out for something ! UP INT !         ✂︎ ━━  where i am falling to rise and rising to fall ! a constant refining ! VANYA HARGREEVES !         ✂︎ ━━  i’ve seen homesick insomniacs uninterested in rest engineer bedrooms out of the loose skin of a musician ! VANYA INT !         ✂︎ ━━  i have lost all interest in having a self ! being a person has always meant getting blamed for it ! VICTORIA WATSON !         ✂︎ ━━  on a scale of bearable to feral i am raised by wolves and showing ! VICTORIA INT !         ✂︎ ━━  while a video buffers i delete tinder for the third time this month and realize i may be an isolated god ! VIVIAN NIGHTINGALE !         ✂︎ ━━  my heart is a capricious beast ! VIVIAN INT !         ✂︎ ━━  where your pleasures are ruthless and your words are sweet ! TOM RIDDLE !         ✂︎ ━━  imagining myself as a sketch of a person ! messy strokes around a vague outline ! TOM INT !         ✂︎ ━━  apocalypse coiled in my tongue ! i am searching for the word finished ! some year i will take this word too far ! WAVERLY EARP !         ✂︎ ━━  i am not a passing ballad ! not a bird with a crescendo caught between its beak  ! WAVERLY INT !         ✂︎ ━━  a heart so loving no colors could compare to its beauty ! UNCLE WILEY !         ✂︎ ━━  adam in the shadow of all these pale animals ! adam who is always hungry ! WILEY INT !         ✂︎ ━━  and when these hands touched your throat showed you how to take the apple and the rib !

#LIEUTENANT AMANDA SCHAFFER ! ✂︎ ━━ nothing exists except atoms and empty space everything else is opinion ! #SCHAFFER INT ! ✂︎ ━━ something always has to die for the rest to live ! a truth we cannot avoid only try to circumvent ! #COMMANDER UP ! ✂︎ ━━ i am riding the night on a full tank of gas and my headlights are reaching out for something ! #UP INT ! ✂︎ ━━ where i am falling to rise and rising to fall ! a constant refining ! #VANYA HARGREEVES ! ✂︎ ━━ i’ve seen homesick insomniacs uninterested in rest engineer bedrooms out of the loose skin of a musician ! #VANYA INT ! ✂︎ ━━ i have lost all interest in having a self ! being a person has always meant getting blamed for it ! #VICTORIA WATSON ! ✂︎ ━━ on a scale of bearable to feral i am raised by wolves and showing ! #VICTORIA INT ! ✂︎ ━━ while a video buffers i delete tinder for the third time this month and realize i may be an isolated god ! #VIVIAN NIGHTINGALE ! ✂︎ ━━ my heart is a capricious beast ! #VIVIAN INT ! ✂︎ ━━ where your pleasures are ruthless and your words are sweet ! #TOM RIDDLE ! ✂︎ ━━ imagining myself as a sketch of a person ! messy strokes around a vague outline ! #TOM INT ! ✂︎ ━━ apocalypse coiled in my tongue ! i am searching for the word finished ! some year i will take this word too far ! #WAVERLY EARP ! ✂︎ ━━ i am not a passing ballad ! not a bird with a crescendo caught between its beak ! #WAVERLY INT ! ✂︎ ━━ a heart so loving no colors could compare to its beauty ! #UNCLE WILEY ! ✂︎ ━━ adam in the shadow of all these pale animals ! adam who is always hungry ! #WILEY INT ! ✂︎ ━━ and when these hands touched your throat showed you how to take the apple and the rib !