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deathstrandingsecretsanta · 2 years

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Secret Santa - Death Stranding - First Christmas

I decided to do this long time ago.

I got @roguishknight. Tried to do my best, it's the first time I'm writing for Sam ( I really should have done earlier) Hope you like it :)

Wants:

Genre: Hurt/comfort, Fluff Characters: Cliff Unger, Lou, Sam Bridges Note: I'm not too picky about what needs to be included but having these 3 characters are the most vital to me, anything else is up to the secret santa!

tagging @deathstrandingsecretsanta

gif by @idontfindyouthatinteresting

Christmas was never something that bothered Sam much. Because nowadays, there is no Christmas. At some point in the past, it used to be only something that existed. Sam knew nothing about it, not anymore. Because he wanted to forget this. Just like the people forgot about it. The first time he got back in touch with it was when he had one of his flashbacks, and saw his Dad wearing a Christmas hat, bringing presents to his mother and himself. He didn't think about it much more, tried to forget it again. Because he wanted to forget so much, he only remembered more about it when he found that one special memory stick that had pretty much every detail about those holidays on it. He couldn't stop reading about it and remembering more and more, even if it was painful for him. Because he wanted to have something like that, but never got it.

About the warm fire in the fireplace, about children staring wide-eyed at a tree decorated with lights, about the joy it was supposed to give. Even the ugly Christmas sweaters have been mentioned.

It must have been a wonderful time for the most people. He read everything about it, watched videos from the old days. Of spending time with the people you love. Of giving each other a treat that came from the heart. Those times were long ago, so the memories he has of it have faded a lot. Today, people hide, afraid of this world and have no time to think about such things because they're happy to have their lives.

But today, for whatever reason, while watching Lou sleep in her cradle, he had to think about it again. About what it would be like for her. He thinks about the memories that kept coming up, of a time that was almost forgotten.

Sighing, he sits at his table, now staring at the wall in front of him, enjoying the silence that surrounds the bunker.

He can't help but imagine what this cold place would look like with lights that he accidentally found a few weeks ago. Actually, he wanted to deliver the lost cargo. But somehow he forgot about it. It was just a little container, and nobody asked for it. And then he opened the container one day and saw those strings of lights.

He taps thoughtfully on the tabletop and keeps glancing at Lou who is sleeping peacefully in her cradle. When she flinches in her sleep, he's directly on alert and want to go to her. But instead of waking up and crying as expected, nothing happens. Except for a small smile on her face, which he automatically returns.

He watches Lou for another moment and suddenly he stops moving his fingers, so that a silence spreads in the bunker that only the breathing of the two can be heard.

Frowning, he looks into the cradle. Finding a suitable tree should not be a problem in this area. The time rain hardly ever comes here. The surrounding area is seeded with large and small trees, a few square meters of refuge for him and also all the animals that flee from it. So he could get one very quickly, even before Lou would wake up. The trunks are not thick, and would be easily cut through.

How would she react if she woke up and saw a decorated tree?

Would she be happy?

Or be frightened and get scared?

Shaking his head, he banishes this senseless thought and becomes a bit sad again as he has to think of his parents. How would Christmas have been with them? If his father had already brought him presents as a baby and celebrated it in this difficult situation? While his mother was literally dead? What would Christmas have been like with them both? What would it have been like with his family? With his daughter he never was allowed to met?

These questions hurt, and Sam knows they won't get him anywhere. They never have. Cursing, he shakes his head, trying to shake off these thoughts that threaten to pull him into a spiral of grief. Because he has a reason now, he can't drown into self-pity. Not anymore.

It doesn't matter what might have been, he can't change it. There is only one thing that still matters to him: Lou.

And the fact that he made her a promise. The promise that she would have it better than he did. That she would be happy.

So it's just another second of thinking until he gets up from his chair and decides to make it as perfect as possible for little Lou. To make Christmas as special as possible with her and for her.

He walks back to the cradle, and as he watches her, a slight smile creeps onto his face. He pictures again how he would prepare this bunker for Christmas, how amazed Lou would be, how happy she would be to receive a small gift, even though she is such a little girl.

Lou is all freshly changed and fed and should actually be asleep for the next few hours, so he has plenty of time to get everything ready.

Sam doesn't notice how quickly the hours pass as he sets up the tree and attaches the string of lights to it. When he turns on the lights and takes a step back, he feels a little weird. Not in a negative sense, but he doesn't know this feeling and it scares him a bit. Without a movement, he stares at the tree, and the scent of the needles spreads more and more throughout the bunker, adding to the unfamiliar feeling. But when he hears Lou whimpering from the other room, he turns around startled, and with the lost focus, the feeling is gone too.

"Hey, little Lou," Sam smiles at her, and she grimaces with tears in her eyes as he gently picks her up in his arms. But she doesn't start to cry and instead leans against him, whimpering. Carefully, Sam keeps stroking her back, slowly walking her up and down as he whispers soothing words to the baby.

Lou suddenly stops whimpering and coos, pushing away from Sam's shoulder with her tiny arms. For a moment only, Sam considers what she has now discovered, and when he looks over his shoulder and can see the lights of the tree reflected in her gaze, he smirks. Staring at the lights without stopping, Lou's entire concentration seems to be just on the tree while she clings to Sam's shirt.

"Hmm... you like that?" asks Sam, wanting to walk with her toward the tree. But when he turns around, he has to hold Lou tighter because she turns her gaze back to the tree so quickly that she almost squirms out of his arms. The closer he gets to the tree, the bigger her gaze seems to get.

When he arrives at the tree, he has real trouble holding the baby in his arms because she drops forward with her arms outstretched, trying to reach for the lights. As this is unsuccessful as Sam holds her at a safe distance, the baby's angry cry fills the bunker.

"It's called Christmas, you know. And I actually have something for you... Let me see, where did I put it?" But no matter which way Sam turns, Lou keeps turning back to the glowing tree.

He remembers that people used to hide presents under the tree and that's what he did. Stupidly, the branches of this Christmas tree are so thick that the gift is no longer visible.

As he leans down with her to reach for a small package, she reaches for the lights again, and even almost gets a hold of one. He has had this gift waiting here for some time. Actually, he was going to save it for when she was a little older. But today seems like the perfect time.

He looked for paper to wrap it for a long time, because that's not a given anymore in this day and age either. He searched for it and asked every single person he met for it. And luckily, one of them had a piece of it so he could wrap it in real paper. It's not like it used to be in the old days, it doesn't have stars or snowmen on it. It's just paper.

Sam chuckles as he holds the package out to Lou and she just stares at it for a moment. She doesn't know what to do with it. How could she? It's not until Sam moves the package and it begins to rustle that her hand carefully moves toward it as she opens and closes her little hand over and over. She giggles out as she touches the paper and the paper crackles under her touch. Lou notices that the more she reaches, the louder the paper crackles and she loves it. Especially as it begins to rip open under her little fingers. By now she's so curious that she reaches for it with her other hand, too, and keeps reaching into the paper, fascinated.

Sam helps her a bit, ripping the paper open more for her until the fluffy contents are revealed more and more. She keeps laughing out loud, until the moment she stops grabbing the paper and grabs the contents.

Her happy scream echoes through the bunker as she suddenly reaches into the fluffy fur. She freezes almost completely in her movement, the only thing still moving are her small fingers that keep reaching into the fur. With a soft smile on his face, Sam removes the last piece of paper and keeps a tight grip on the teddy inside. Lou hesitates and carefully holds her hand on the stuffed animal as she looks at it with a wide gaze. The teddy is almost bigger than she is, and for a moment he worries that Lou might actually be afraid of it.

"Merry Christmas little girl... this is for you..." explains Sam in a soft voice, carefully holding the teddy closer to Lou, whereupon her grip loosens at first, in contrast to her gaze. She looks at what Sam is holding out to her with great interest. He fears for a brief moment that she would be afraid of it. Until she suddenly cries out loudly and grabs the teddy and pulls it to her.

Relieved, Sam exhales, and as Lou holds the teddy tight in her embrace and looks to him, tears form in his eyes because she seems so happy. So this is what it feels like, what he expected it to feel, the real Christmas.

Sam can't stop smiling as Lou cuddles the teddy close as if she'd never done anything else. And then when she leans against Sam's chest with the stuffed animal in her arms, he knows it was worth all the effort.

When he then carefully sits down with her in front of the tree and watches it, he feels happier than he has been in a long time. The little baby lies without any movement on his chest. But she is not asleep. Again and again he can watch her fingers clawing into the teddy's fur, and her eyes fixed on the lights on the tree. She holds the stuffed animal so close in her arms, as if her life depended on it.

With a light sigh, Sam leans back, and whether he likes it or not, the memories of Christmas come flooding back more and more. Maybe he shouldn't fight it, maybe it's finally time to stop mourning it.

And while he also watches the lights, he gets more and more sleepy, so that he has to make an effort not to fall asleep. Lou lies safely in his arm, and also seems to be still tired. For her movements become slower and slower and her breathing heavier with each passing moment.

Again and again his eyes close a little longer, and when he already expects to fall into a short nap, he suddenly startles when he can spot a shadow behind the tree.

He blinks again and again, rubbing his eyes, but the shadow does not disappear. Strangely, however, he is not overcome by fear, but more by curiosity. After a quick glance at Lou, who is now fast asleep and still holding the teddy bear, he gets up. At least that's what he wants. But when he sees the outline of the shadow, and that it is not a shadow, he swallows hard. This is impossible.

"Merry Christmas, my son! Enjoy your time with her, they grow up so fast!"

Sam's breath is going way too fast, but even if he wanted to get up, he couldn't. It's him. In his bunker, next to the Christmas tree, looking at him and Lou with a sad look.

"Your mum would be so proud of you" he tells him, stopping in the shadow of the tree. The lights illuminate him a bit, but only so little that Sam has the impression that the silhouette seems still blurred. He reaches out, trying to get his legs to stand up. But as he's about to get up, he is suddenly startled by Lou's bitter crying.

After a deep breath, he opens his eyes, looks again at the tree. But there is nothing there. No shadow, no Cliff. But Lou still cries, as if she were on the verge of starvation.

"Hey, kiddo. What's wrong?" Sam asks in a hoarse voice. But even as he asked the question, he knows what happened. Her face is streaked with tears as she reaches toward the floor with both arms, desperately trying to pick up the teddy she lost in her sleep.

The sight almost breaks Sam's heart, but on the other hand he is pleased that Lou has already taken the stuffed animal to her heart.

He quickly picks up the teddy and hands it to Lou. She tries really hard to grab the teddy immediately, stretches far forward, and the moment her little fingers touch the teddy, her crying abruptly stops and turns into a quiet whimper. Only when she holds the teddy back in her arms again does she thankfully calm down.

"Someone's happy, huh? You really like him a lot, am I right?" he says, smiling again as she leans back against Sam's chest, tightening her grip on the teddy.

This was the best idea he's had in a long time, and he's sure he'd do it again.

#attentionplease

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