demolitions0ul

[demolitions0ul]

Impermanence is not insignificance

By the way, I moved all of my prints to Inprnt (better quality than Redbubble); you can get a print of this piece here!

[demolitions0ul]

Spring and Summer. Twenty new limited edition prints of these gals are up for grabs at the shop in my profile.

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girl are you okay? you’ve been consuming so much media lately that you haven’t allowed yourself to feel one single human emotion for months

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finding out there's a frankenstein ballet and that it was in october of last year…DEVASTATING

look at this. look at these. im foaming at the mouth

[demolitions0ul]

This is just a vent post which I haven’t done in a really long time because I haven’t felt the need. In many ways I’ve improved greatly my mental health has been so much better and I’m learning to take better care of myself and I have surrounded myself with people that I love. But recently I’ve watched my physical health take a nose dive it’s gradual and it’s terrifying.

I feel more and more out of control. My own body is failing me I feel weak and am often shakey when standing. I’m worried it’ll get to a point where I won’t be able to handle it any more and I’ll have to start using a mobility aid to help me get around. And I know that that’s not the worst thing in the world and people have it far worse. But I’m watching myself get worse and I can see all the things I could easily do get harder to do and one day maybe very soon some of the things I love may be impossible for me to do and I hate that it feels so soon. This is supposed to happen to me when I’m 80 and I’ve lived and not now not when I’m in my 20s and I don’t even know who I am and I haven’t done anything with my life yet. Im going to lose it all before I can even do anything with it.

The other day I got up and I felt so weak every muscle feels tense with every movement and I had to sit down and my legs wouldn’t stop shaking and I felt sick to my stomach cause I just saw it before my eyes my life as I know it slipping away. My freedom my autonomy being ripped away from me by my own body. Im so sick and angry anf so fucking scared I don’t know what to do if there’s anything to do I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I know it’s so fucking vain and such a pathetic thing to be worried about but I’ve always been so worried about what people think of me and how they perceive me and if they think I look nice and people are going to treat me differently if I have something so visibly different. I hate that I’m worried about this. I tell myself I like being different and weird and I like the looks I get because I dress differently but a lot of the time I hate the attention I get because of it. Im so in my head I feel like I get attention all the time anyway and every one sees me and doesn’t like what they see and I just at least if I dress weird on purpose it feels like they’re looking at me because of that and not because I’m making a fool of myself or because everyone can see how anxious I am all the time. It gives me some control.

But this this i have no control over and I hate it.

#vent post #j speaks #chronic illness I guess

[demolitions0ul]

dazed and confused (1993) / clueless (1995) / 10 things i hate about you (1999) / the virgin suicides (1999) / bring it on (2000) / the princess diaries (2001) / freaky friday (2003) / mean girls (2004) / juno (2007) / jennifer’s body (2009)

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just because someone can articulate their point better doesn’t make them right, it makes them articulated. 

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A wall cleared of nails for the ghosts to walk through

Prints here. Another personal piece in the middle of commissions.

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the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

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The Sun, the Moon, and the Queen of Swords.

#tattoo

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i've got a dark alley / x

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Living Cells

by ghost owl attic / darius greene

s6

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Meditate. Twenty new limited edition prints of this gal are up for grabs at the shop in my profile.

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Orpheus & Eurydice

Commissioned illustration for Follow Me Down, a TTRPG inspired by Greek mythology.

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“Even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.”

— Natalie Standiford, How to Say Goodbye in Robot

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— Carol Rifka Brunt in Tell The Wolves I'm Home