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#vent post

what’s up i got so fed up with myself and my whole situation today that my boyfriend had to come get me once my classes were finished because i was crying so hard and spiralling so bad that we both were worried i was gonna pass out or do something really dumb lol

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im so angry right now there’s this classmate of mine who wont stop trashtalking two girls in my class in the groupchat im in with him and finally i was like “what’s your deal with them?” and he was just like “oh they always suck up to the teacher” (you do that too and you were literally one of those student-council-spirit-week-volunteers-for-everything kids in high school and dont say you drastically changed you ran for student council this year too) (also they dont fucking suck up to the teacher they just actually engage in the class and dont literally attend class from the toilet) and “just hearing them speak makes me figuratively homicidal” im so angry he always makes fun of this one girl who i really like and so does this other girl in the groupchat and it’s killing me because she’s literally just autistic and awkward and doesnt know all the right social justice terms and theyre making fun of her behaviors and stuff and it’s so upsetting and i hate it hate it hate it why cant they just be nice??? theyve never done anything mean to you they genuinely like you and you are constantly making fun of them behind their backs?? and also this makes me think that he’s probably making fun of me and my weird talking and other shit i do and i hate it here i cant wait until next year bc maybe ill be able to make actually decent friends when we go on campus

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I hate Christmas. A lot. I know my theme is using Christmas colors and a character from Vivizie Pop’s Christmas short, but that’s because I do like the colors. And the short.

But anyway, I hate the season so fucking much that I can’t even celebrate what was once a very special holiday to me because of retail. I’ve worked in retail most of my working years and it never gets better. I don’t mind the buying small presents for people, it’s the whole assholism of every fucking prick that flips out because they can’t exactly what they want and they do this to the people who have no control over that. I get that there are times where this can be devastating because that person only has that money right at that moment, but most likely the person you are screaming at can’t do shit about it because they are most likely the peon. And being the peon, no manager is gonna give a point blank fuck about what that person says to them. Go for the manager if you are angry about something. Trust me on this, the peon isn’t gonna be able to go over their managers head for anything.

Another thing I hate is the buying of useless gifts. Everyone right now is buying so much shit that will most likely end up donated or forgotten in a week’s time right after Christmas.

Not to mention that I now have to work 60 hour work weeks in order to keep up with this shit. What happened to simple gifts or just getting together and just enjoying each other’s company? I know what happened, capitalism happened. And now I have to work 5 twelves in a fucking row because of this shit and we are still in the middle of a fucking pandemic. I just want this to stop. I hate all holidays because of this. I never can enjoy them because my job always has to come first and I fucking hate it. Fuck holidays and fuck capitalism. And fuck 2020

image

This is now my favorite meme that I’ve used so many times throughout the year. I forgot who made this. But it’s fucking awesome

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anyone ever want to make a hat for a friend, so you ask them if they want a hat and they’re like sure and so you show them the options for yarn and tell them about the different textures of the yarn and stuff (like some yarn is thicker so the hat would be warmer since it’s more tightly knit while the thinner yarn makes for good slouchy hats) and they asked to talk about it tomorrow since they were really tired and overwhelmed and you agreed, but you’re pretty sure the overwhelmed thing was your fault and you feel vaguely guilty whenever you see they’re online, and also it’s tomorrow and they haven’t brought it up yet and you’re a little scared too

or is that just me

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For the first time in recent memory, I did not find our tree. My sister did. Like for real, my sister usually bails and mathew loses interest and my dad doesn’t care. So it is often me and mom in the field analyzing the shit out of a Christmas tree. Last year was almost 5 hours. So I am a little peeved. And my mom is helping my dad load it on the car…just like the things that were my jobs aren’t and it is annoying. Like I am 25 and still live with my family, and I don’t want to leave but as time goes on I feel like I don’t fit anymore.

Maybe i am just tired and dehydrated.

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Does everyone just have this overarching dream of becoming a Youtuber or…? I’ve been seeing so many kids my age start on their journey and get successful and thats cool and I love it, but its also lowkey discouraging because I myself have not progressed, and feel as though by the time I’ll get there it’ll be pointless to pursue.

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the stars would burn you if you caught them anyways.

so we lay on the ground, caressed 

by the earth that scarred us so deeply

and gaze at the stars, and dream

recklessly

hopelessly

lying about the hope they held

and wishing to hold that fiery ‘kindness’ close

knowing that the scars the earth left on us

are the greatest kindness we’ll

ever

receive.

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do you think the reason my art gets barely any attention is cause i pretty clearly draw for myself and because of that other people don’t like, get it 

that or my art is just generally unappealing

i consider myself to be a pretty self motivated artist, like i don’t really rely on feedback to keep going, i draw cause i want to, but it still kinda sucks when i work hard on something and no one else really cares, i feel like the likes i do get are just pity ones cause they saw it on their timeline or dash and didn’t want to seem rude 

and i feel really guilty trippy about posting stuff like this, even if i’m not intentionally looking to do that, so i just never talk about this stuff cause i’d feel like i was forcing people to feel a certain way about the stuff i make 

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