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This is Alejandro Ripley. He was a young autistic boy who was murdered by his own mother. Why was he murdered you ask? Because his mother couldn’t be asked to deal with him anymore. She decided his needs were too difficult so she thought she’d just kill him. Sounds totally reasonable right?

I have no words to describe the emotions this case makes me feel. Alejandro was such a beautiful soul and now he is gone from this world. This case is not about his parents who are both to blame, nor is it about “how hard it is to raise a special needs child”, (I don’t give a fuck if it’s hard, you don’t kill your kid!!!), it is about Alejandro Ripley. It is about his life being taken from him. It is about the abuse he endured for just being autistic and nonverbal.

When I researched this case a lot of what was popping up was people sympathising with the parents, saying how difficult it is to raise an autistic child. You can imagine how angry I felt reading all these comments from parents. I don’t give a shit how hard it is for the parents quite frankly because it’s 10x harder for the child. You don’t give up on your child, ever, no matter how hard it gets. You take a breath and you carry on because your child needs you. I know what it’s like to feel like there is something wrong with you and that your parents wished you were different. It destroys you, and I just hope Alejandro didn’t feel like this before he died but I suspect he did. His parents are garbage human beings if you can even call them human. His mother is especially evil and never deserved to have children. I encourage every parent out there who has an autistic kid to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start focusing on the feelings of your child. Of course being a parent is hard, is one of the hardest jobs in the world, but when you decide to have children you are signing up for any sort of child. They might be autistic, disabled, gay, trans or whatever, you sign up for that when you become a parent and you can’t walk away if you didn’t “expect” it and didn’t “want” it. Don’t have kids if you’re not prepared to deal with a child who is different in some way.

I wish I was Alejandro’s mum because I would have given him so much love. I would have learnt his ways of communicating and I wouldn’t have cared about him being nonverbal. I would have taught him to love and accept himself and I wouldn’t have tried to change him or put him in abusive therapies to do so. He needed parents who loved and accepted him for who he was and his parents were the opposite of that. Alejandro had so much going for him in life. He was kind, caring, fun and loving and he could have gone on to do so much in this world. I never met him or knew him but it feels like my own brother has been killed and it breaks me. He deserved so much better. Now all we can hope is that the mother is given the maximum sentence for what she did and the father has a really miserable life with no happiness or love.

All I want to do is give Alejandro a hug and tell him he is loved and that there are people who care about him. That’s all I want to do.

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Different people with Asperger’s Syndrome have different experiences. This is just about me. 

If your reaction to finding out that I have Asperger’s Syndrome is, “Everything makes sense now,” please feel free to stay away from me. I didn’t go public about this so you could scour all my previous behaviour, actions and writing for corroborating evidence. 

“Is Barry being weird, or is Barry being stupid, or is it just the Asperger’s Syndrome?”

How the hell would I know? I’m stuck inside this brain and it’s the only brain I have. I understand that there’s something wrong with it, but I’m never entirely sure where that starts or stops. Sorry if you find this disorienting, but I guess we can ride the lightning together.

I’ve been fighting it all my life, and most of the problem is other people. One category is people who mocked me because I’m weird but were “willing to make allowances” once they heard I have Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m the same person I always was. It doesn’t change who I am. It’s just a part of me (that I’d prefer not to have) and it always was.

To be clear, if you made fun of me before and you still make fun of me now, then we’re cool. I have a lot of time for freelance, non-denominational assholes. If you made allowances for me before and you still make allowances for me now, then we’re cool. You people make everything easier and thank you.

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(M/N) was heading home from school, happy that the people who tormented him backed off today. He was practically skipping home, not really paying attention to his surroundings, even though the sounds of the traffic and the people walking past him echoed in his ears, refusing to be unheard. Well, (M/N) had long since gotten used to these sounds, so they were nothing new.

However, one sound did catch his attention.

It was that of screeching tires, so painfully loud that (M/N) cried out. He didn’t notice the people around him running for cover, but he didn’t notice the sound getting louder and even closer to him. Looking up, the only thing (M/N) saw before he was in the air was a black car. Then, after flying for some time, he hit the ground, unable to move.

He was vaguely aware of people surrounding him, but what had his attention was the gut-wrenching cries of a man who seemed to be desperately trying to get to (M/N). He was screaming things like “Oh god, I killed a kid!” or something of the like.

It was terrible, and, because he couldn’t move, (M/N) could only silently cry.

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No one thought it would happen, but it did. Belarus finally set her eyes upon someone else other than her brother; (M/N), and now, impossibly, they were in a relationship.

At first no one believed it, until they began seeing the younger sister of Russia arrive to meetings with her hair wrapped in (M/N)’s exquisite and complicated hairstyles and with a bright smile on her face, something that was quite a rarity for the usually scowling girl.

They were also surprised with how patient Belarus was being with (M/N), especially when it came to kissing or hugging.

Every time (M/N) wanted to obtain a hug or a kiss, he would ask Belarus or vise versa. The countries, except America of course, never thought (M/N) would be so loyal to anyone romantically, and boy were they wrong. One time, (M/N) bought Belarus a bouquet of roses and presented them to her with a big smile on his face. Belarus couldn’t resist the flowers or him, for she thought he was so cute.

This made America smile proudly, but sadly, the latter which confused the others, even Belarus. One time Belarus decided to ask him about that emotion.

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Despite himself, Romano found himself scooting as far away from (M/N) as he could.

The reason why? Because (M/N) looked ready to plunge the pencil in his hand into his eye.

Currently, the boy was sitting in the quiet meeting room while his father was out with the others getting lunch, trying to do his homework. However, this homework was over something he didn’t understand, and stress was starting to build up.

Finally, before Romano could leave the room safely, (M/N) couldn’t take it anymore.

He began to scream and thrash around, banging his head on the table, sobbing uncontrollably, and even slamming his hands on himself. Unfortunately for Romano, he was too afraid to get the boy to calm down, thinking that (M/N) would attack him if he got too close.

Though, fortunately, the door banged open, and America rushed in, and hurried to (M/N)’s bag, taking out his iPod and doll, before he proceeded to restrain the boy long enough for the boy to give up his antics.

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China, who was visiting America’s house with the other countries, was wondering around the large home, searching for something to do. America was too busy with his paperwork to listen to China complain about his debt, in fact America coldly brushed him off, being so mature about it he temporarily shocked the older nation.

He had said this, “China, is that all that’s going to be on your mind these days? Debt this, debt that? If it is, then the door’s right down there, and make sure it doesn’t hit you on the way out, as I’d rather not have to clean up the mess you leave behind.”

China was too shocked to retort, so America pushed him out of his office and shut the door behind him, locking it in the process.

So, here China was, wondering the house for something else to do.

Naturally, he was thinking about the way America acted with him earlier and these past few months. Being the foster father of a severely autistic son seemed to have its perks, but if that was the case, why did he act so childish before the nations even knew of the younger boy’s existence?

Being so caught up in his thoughts, China didn’t see the door to America’s storage closet until he had bumped head-first into it.

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if i may reveal too much about my mental health for one moment…

in therapy right now we are still working on my severe memory loss. it has been really scary not remembering so many days, and it is also hard to bring things up in therapy when i literally can’t remember anything. acknowledging that this is also the reason I have close to no memories of being a child, and it is only getting worse, is scary too. when I am trying to remember anything, my mind just hits a wall and i stop. i can’t keep thinking past that. it feels weird and unsettling.

another thing is that my ADHD diagnosis may be misdiagnosed ASD (or that I also have ASD). i can’t be sure, and it is tough to talk about, but i just know something is up. and while my therapist is all for self dx and finding a community in diagnosis’, i feel weird about calling myself autistic.  

and this isn’t even all it, but it is just a lot. and there is so much going on in the world right now and I am so overwhelmed by it all.

don’t know what I’ll get out of posting this. maybe someone has gone through something similar. i dunno

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It was Christmas morning, and it was relatively quiet at Canada’s home, but that was how the little family liked it.

America and (M/N) were visiting, and the latter was currently, and quietly, playing with his little mochi, America Mochi. The little ball was slightly bouncing where it lay (or sat, however you see it) while sitting next to the fireplace. Canada watched at the orange and red lights of the fire illuminated (M/N) and America Mochi’s forms, thinking in the back of his mind how perfect this moment was.

When America first brought (M/N) from the orphanage, Canada wondered if his brother had lost his mind, since he was so energetic and all, and (M/N) was severely autistic to the point where he couldn’t even speak. However, America shocked Canada by being the most loving father Canada had seen (besides France).

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America really wished he informed the others on how bad (M/N) was with sharing, and now his carelessness was coming back to bite him in the ass.

Right now, (M/N) was sitting in a seat like a protective cocoon, shielding his doll from the curious Sealand, who had asked to try braiding the hair on the doll himself. To say that (M/N) was completely reluctant with this was a huge understatement.

Even when he was young, (M/N) hated sharing, as whenever one of the children America had invited over would rearrange (M/N)’s stuff, to put it simply, the kid freaked. Out. That was enough to scare those children into not coming back, not that (M/N) had cared, because that meant that they would no longer mess up his stuff.

Now it was probably going to happen again.

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I was feeling severely understimulated once again, and I didn’t want to relapse like I did last night, so I’m kinda making this list for things you can do if you’re understimulated! Feel free to add any other suggestions!

  • Bounce around! I have a tiny trampoline, but you can jump around on sofas, your bed, jump rope, do that thing where you put your legs in a pillow case and hop to a certain distance, all that good stuff! It gets you energized and pumped up! Please remember to do this safely, though! Bind safely, make sure you don’t hurt yourself while bouncing!
  • Funny accents! I find it fun to say random things in very over the top accents. Just say the most ridiculous thing you can think of in the funniest accent that comes to mind! If you’re able, maybe make it a game with another person. See who laughs first!
  • Sniff candles! When I get anxious or understimulated, I love sniffing this vanilla candle. It’s very gentle and comforting and makes me feel relaxed, try to find a scent that works for you! I’ve seen people get essential oils and sniff that whenever they’re going through a rough patch.
  • I have a Minecraft world where I build things and make friends with the animals! It makes me feel accomplished and happy to feed the new friends!

Feel free to add on! I love seeing suggestions when feeling like this!

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Just a quick note, I don’t know much of what the girls in the Nyotalia episode are saying here, so please forgive me for messing up somewhere. Also, I’m using the dubbed episode.

Estonia had been peacefully sleeping when he felt something tap the table.

“Hey! Um, hello? Wake up or else Estonia!” a female voice spoke, and awakening Estonia instantly. He recognized that voice, but at the same time, it was different.

“What the crap do you think you doing? I was totally talking and then you just fell asleep you douche!”


Looking up, Estonia saw a familiar bomber jacket, but a female was wearing it. Right next to the girl was another female, and she had (M/N)’s (h/c) (a/h/l) hair, (e/c) eyes, and rocking figure, though she was wearing a big sweater and skirt. In her arms was a stuffed rabbit that she was constantly playing with.

Immediately, Estonia felt his heart stop.



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“Come here, buddy,” America cooed to (M/N) when the latter was losing a little bit of control of his body and started to slam the table just to get the feeling to stop. (M/N) didn’t hesitate to grant his father’s request and latched onto the taller man, the latter chuckling a little before patting (M/N) on the back. After a little bit, they draw away, and (M/N) squeaked with happiness before returning to his seat.

Unfortunately, the other countries had witnessed this ideal, and it gave the clueless Italy an idea.

Until he saw America give him a warning look, making him shrink back.

Later, America approached Italy and sat down next to him.

“Look Italy, the reason I gave you that look earlier is because if you try to hug (M/N), he’ll freak out. The only reason he allowed me to hug him is because he’s used to it. You just need to be patient with him and give him space okay? If he wants a hug, he’ll ask you, okay?”

Slowly, Italy nodded, while America gave the same warning look to France, who, surprisingly, nodded back to him, showing he understood.


Sorry this is so short. Anyway, autistic people are known to either not favor hugs or don’t prefer them much. It usually takes a while for them to get used to someone else’s hugs, or else they’ll be very uncomfortable. Some other autistic people just don’t need as much affection as NT people, and there’s nothing wrong with that! Just wish people would remember that…

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Today, (M/N) was visiting Russia’s house (which was more Russia’s idea than America’s), and was watching as the taller nation scared the Baltics without the former’s knowing. Their fear was literally emitting off the smaller nations, and it was really starting to choke (M/N).

He was starting to get scared. Not for himself, but for the Baltics.

However, his whimpers were pretty loud, and it was enough to draw everyone’s attention towards him, confusion written across their features. Latvia, uncertain what to do, walked over to (M/N) and placed a hand on his shoulder. The reaction was what caught Latvia off guard. (M/N) pounced on him and began to sob into his shoulder.

Latvia, still confused, glanced up at Russia, who had forgotten to inform his servants about (M/N)’s autism. The other two also glanced up at their boss.

Russia was, in mind, planning on beating himself to a pulp later.


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It was training day again for the Axis powers, and (M/N), who was visiting, was watching them, comforted by the repetitive patterns of feet hitting the ground and heavy breathing. That was, until…

“PASTAAA~” (M/N) cried out in pain, his ears ringing as the loud noise ruthlessly attacked his eardrums. He didn’t register himself sliding towards the ground until he found himself sitting.

He whimpered, wishing the ringing would go away, and then he felt a hand on his shoulder. However, (M/N) didn’t look up as the movement made the ringing worse. He was too busy trying to get rid of the sound he didn’t hear Germany scolding Italy, again, while Japan was calling America, unsure of what to do.

“Vhat did jou do Italy?!” Germany demanded.

Italy burst out crying. “I don’t know what I did!”

Meanwhile, Japan was busy asking America what was wrong with (M/N).

“What happened?” America asked on the other line.

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“Late again…” Germany growled as he stared at the empty seat that should’ve been inhabited by now.

Yup, America and (M/N) were late.

Just as the broader man was about to lose his head, the door opened, and America and (M/N) quietly walked in, but there was something unusual along with them.

A white blob with a face that looked exactly like America’s was on (M/N)’s head, and it looked around at everyone and everything, lightly bouncing on (M/N)’s head with enthusiasm.

Speaking of (M/N), the boy was squeaking lightly and smiling happily, surprisingly being careful with the…creature…on top of his head.

Japan, seeing this, immediately took out his camera and snapped a picture.

“Sorry we’re late,” America apologized sheepishly. “(M/N) was refusing to leave the house without this little guy.” He gestured to the white blob on his foster son’s head.

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England was in a frantic mood at the moment. Why? Because he couldn’t find Flying Mint Bunny, or FMB for short.

So far, he was kind of making himself look like a crazed madman, as he was running throughout the entire building, searching every nook and cranny for his “imaginary” friend, calling out for the mint-colored rabbit.


“Ahah! Hah!” England heard the sound of (M/N)’s joyful giggling, and the familiar voice of FMB.

“Stop! That tickles!”

England immediately rushed towards the sound, which happened to be located in the meeting room, only to see something he never thought he would see in anyone.

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The meeting room was very quiet as the other countries worked to solve the issues of the world for once, without disturbing (M/N) who was quietly playing with both his doll and some music on an iPod.

However, they all halted in their tasks when they saw (M/N) put down his doll, turned off his music, and turned to America, who was busy doing his own paperwork. They watched as the young boy reached out to take his foster father’s sleeve, gaining the latter’s attention. Next, (M/N) lifted his hands up to his chest and formed the heart.

America smiled in a fatherly manner, before he did the same. (M/N) smiled back before the two went back doing their own thing.

What was that?


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Japan was watching as (M/N) glanced down at the meatball with reluctance. Of course, this confused the country, for America had personally told him that his foster son enjoyed meaty products, so Japan made sure to bake some meatballs and rice for him. However, what America neglected to inform Japan of is that (M/N) is unable to swallow certain food combinations.

Finally, (M/N) picked up the meatball, making noises and rocking back and forth as he stared at the ball. Japan had long since gotten used to (M/N)’s habits, and was now in the process of creating a manga based on (M/N). If you got passed the boy’s habits, you would realize how adorable they made him.

(M/N) took a small bite of the meatball, but almost instantly, he began to whimper and twitch violently. Japan watched with concern as (M/N) tried to swallow the bite, but his throat wouldn’t obey him, forcing him to rush to the nearest trashcan and spit out the bite. Upon recovering, he glanced up at Japan with guilty eyes.

Japan understood that (M/N) hated wasting food, a fact which he often reminded his foster father of, and he smiled. “It’s arright, (M/N)-kun. At reast you tried it.”

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