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More this or that things🍓

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I make a lot of jokes and poke fun at myself for my tics. It’s part of how I deal with a lot of my problems, and it makes other people around me more comfortable. But something I wish everyone understood is that, even if you cant see the struggle, even if you never see me have a tic attack, tourettes is super hard to deal with sometimes. Its ugly, even when you dont get to see me melt down. Sometimes, weeks after, you can tell that I’ve had an attack. One of my tics that comes out when I’m particularly stressed is scratching. Hard, repetitive scratching at my body. It leaves scratches, bruises, and gashes usually on my face and neck. I have scars on my arms from it. And its embarrassing. I hate going out in public and ticking, it makes my agoraphobia so much worse. I hate being stared at for my tics. Its embarrassing shouting in quiet places because I can’t help it or I got nervous. Its embarrassing having to wear gauze wraps on my arms to keep me from scratching sometimes, its embarrassing having to explain to people what’s going on. And I know that I dont owe anyone an explanation, but I get real bad anxiety. “What if they think my boyfriend did this? What if they hate him?” When in reality he tries so hard to help keep me from hurting myself. This is not something to glorify. I have so many other harmful tics and so does most every other person with tourettes, tic disorders, or tics from other things. We make jokes because it makes things easier on us. But that’s the end of the reason, at least for me… Please be understanding of the people around you, and dont make jokes unless you know the person is okay with it and in a good headspace. It makes it so much easier for everyone.

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Y’all love to say that you want mentally ill, neurodivergent, and traumatized characters until they display those characteristics in a way that you don’t like.

As an example, I’ll use the Doctor. Specifically the 11th and 12th. (A lot of the things 11 did that made me uncomfortable were out of character. Looking at you moffet)

11 wasn’t the sad eyes of 10’s trauma. He could be a bitch, a complete ass. He did the thing that I did for years as a result of my trauma (I went to therapy for this), whenever someone would point out something about him that he hated, he would point out something that they didn’t like about themselves to get them to leave him alone. This is a direct result of trauma. Also, the Doctor is autistic and each Doctor presents differently. Ten was the most “normal” (I think this might be why people actually like him so much) 11 didn’t understand personal space or emotions. He would act almost childlike (another result of trauma) and use that as a coping mechanism.

12, my favorite. He was, in my opinion, one of the most realistic displays of trauma among the Doctors. He also attacked people when he felt he was cornered. He was rude and abrasive. He shut himself off. He was harsh. He didn’t lie like the other Doctors. He knew that what he did could be morally wrong and he didn’t act as though he didn’t. He was scared of having relationships with people (platonic like Clara) so he would shut them out. He treated Danny so badly because he saw himself in him. He didn’t have much empathy. But he was a kind and good but not nice. (I also think that a lot of people didn’t like him because he wasn’t young and handsome)

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my brain: you need to bite something

*sees boyfriends hand*

my brain:

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Heightened risk of posttraumatic stress disorder in adults with autism spectrum disorder: The role of cumulative trauma and memory deficits
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0891422220302808
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The other day I saw a post on Instagram from an autistic person saying we understand exactly what neurotypical people think of us.

And I can’t help but think back to how true that is.

I have spent my whole life being surrounded only by neurotypical people. So obviously I’ve spent my whole life having to analyze how they think and try to imitate them.

Now I understand their thought patterns almost every time. Sometimes I overinterpret things, or I’m too naive about their intentions, but most of the time I understand exactly the reasoning going on in their minds.

I know how they think, but I can’t seem to think the same.

It’s… a little complicated to explain. I know what they want from me, but I can’t do it. I understand the reasoning behind their behaviors, but I don’t understand WHY they have this reasoning.

In fact, it often got me to think : “what’s wrong with them ?” then I realize that I am the only one who doesn’t understand so I think rather : “what’s wrong with ME ?”

But there is nothing wrong with me, it’s just the system that makes us believe that the neurotypical way of reasoning and perceiving is the only one that is valid, but it’s not true, my perception is as valid than theirs.

So yeah… it’s not like I don’t understand absolutely nothing about their way of thinking. I understand how they reason. It’s just that, from my point of view, it doesn’t make sense. If I could choose to reason like a neurotypical person, I would refuse.

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me: *forgets to stim for the entire day because of online school and masking*

me at dinnertime: whY AM I SO ANGRY??? WHY DO I HATE ALL THE TEXTURES??? EVERYTHING SUCKS AND I WILL EAT BREAD >:(((

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some fucking douchebag always drives by my house with his bass on 10,000 and it’s so fucking annoying

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I get the question “why play loud music if you’re trying to get away from loud sounds” a lot and I havent known the answer but I think I’ve got it now. my loud music is one thing, I can expect what’s coming, I know the sounds. theres a difference between millions of different noises I cant identify and a familiar beat thumping in my headphones.

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Please Read!!!

TW: r slur

Aight. We gotta talk about slurs.

Last night some rather unfortunate events befell me regarding the r slur and I am still suffering the effects.

That word is an extremely offensive and outdated term, and additionally, is hugely triggering to many members of the autism community, myself included.

When I see someone using it, I usually try to explain to them why it shouldn’t be used, because sometimes people who use it just don’t know or don’t understand. Other times they are just ignorant. Unfortunately, last night I came across someone who fell into the latter category.

They had commented on one of biggest-gaudiest-patronuses’s posts and said something along the lines of ‘posts like this are stupid, this is the final straw and the reason I’m unfollowing you’ and calling OP the r slur.

Now is maybe a good time to mention that this word is a mild trigger for me. However, there are many people in the autistic community, some I know personally, for whom the word is a very serious trigger. This is one of the biggest reasons for my speaking up when people use this slur. So I responded: “[unfollowing]’s your own decision and that’s totally valid but it’s not cool to use the r word. It’s a slur and can be very triggering, so please don’t say it again”

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About ten minutes later, the person responded. Immediately after their response, I also received an anonymous ask which I can only assume came from the same person:

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Needless to say, this was extremely triggering and caused a lot of distress on my part. I debated deleting tumblr, but I don’t actually want to do that, because I think this is important. So instead I’m here sharing this with you, and begging you to help.

Tumblr has always been my safe space, a place where I never had to hide this huge part of myself or worry about people judging me for being the way I am. Seeing these words shook me to the core. I was shocked that someone would respond this way and I felt betrayed. And more than any of that, I felt not only my safe space, but also myself, had been violated.

I have worked very hard to come to terms with who I am. I have battled every day to be able to accept myself as I am, disabilities and all. I have overcome insecurities and self-loathing and ableism to get to the point where I was comfortable with this part of myself. 

And then this person comes along and tears that all apart with a few simple words.

I will be okay. I will rebuild myself and I will learn to love who I am once again. And I will keep doing that as long as I need to, as long as there are people out there intent on knocking me down. 

But I can only do so much overall. The toll this one interaction took on me still weighs heavy on my shoulders, and heavier on my heart. I am not telling you this because I want pity or consolation. I am not telling you this to seek attention for myself. I wanted to share with you a little bit about my experience to draw attention to the problem this presents to the autistic community as a whole. 

As an autistic person, there is only so much I can do, both because of the way the use of this slur is triggering for me, and also because the people who are the biggest problem won’t listen to me. 

This is where you come in. If you aren’t autistic, you have a certain amount of privilege that we don’t. I am imploring you: speak up! If you see or hear someone using a slur, whether this one or any other, and you aren’t a part of the affected group, speak up! You are able to do so without the same ramifications as those of us who are targeted, and if allistic (non-autistic) people show that they are not going to let these things slide anymore, then maybe the people using the terms will stop. And that would mean a whole lot less trigger calls for us.

By no means am I trying to ask you to speak for us—we don’t need a knight in shining armour—but it sure is nice to have an ally.

PS: I encourage you to rb this, even if you are not autistic!

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do u guys have any comfort clothes?

i have cat socks!! and they help me with shutdowns :D

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bwuhh i dont understand neurotypicals, today my dad got mad at me bc apparentlyhad to see him doing dishes and help? but he never asked for help he was just doing the dishes and grumbling. he said “ahh youre so manipulative and youre always trying to skate out of doing things for other people youre selfish and lazy” and i was so confused?? it doesnt make sense how he gets mad at me for things i had no idea i was supposed to do? he is still just pacing and glaring at me but i have no idea. anyways i asked him if i could help cus he said “why do you never ask to help” but when i did he said that it was no point and to leave bc he didnt need help anyways? no idea what was going through his brains does he expect me to read minds??? ok! and now he is mad at me again bc i am sitting on the couch instead of doing a task that i was never told to do, like how would i know to do the task.. it was across the house.. it is not a routine anyways. and also another thing that neurotypicals/abled people do a lot that confuses me is that they list all of the productive things they have done that day as a way of making you feel guilty for not being able to do as many things. i dont get it man i hope this is relatable and people can understand ok thanks for reading bye

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I typed this question into Google but all I got were ABBA people, resources for parents of autistic children, and studies that proved the opposite.

I’m asking this question because I’ve noticed that my autism symptoms seem to have been getting worse over the years (starting when I was probably somewhere between 11-13). I went through a very long period of time (maybe from ages 6-11) where I didn’t get sensory overload at all. Now I get it at least once a month. I’ve also noticed over the past few months that I’ve started ticcing more often. Is this normal? And what causes it?

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One thing it took me a long time to understand is that in conversation many people take a neutral tone to be negative. Or if I say I don’t have a strong opinion they hear it as “I don’t like what I’m hearing”. Is this an autism vs NT thing? How do you guys interpret neutrality? How do we express neutrality so that it is clearly understood? I still don’t get that one.

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I’m sorta under the impression that a lot of allistics just straight up think we have some sort of hive mind. Like like they expect me be this math expert just cuz they met some autistic person with math skills?

Ngl sounds like a cool idea, kinda wish I could tap into that sweet hive mind for college honestly.

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