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#actually autistic

One of the blocks had been bombed during the war - a doodle bug coming in a window, killing all the residents who were sheltering in the basement. My neighbour Ethel told me about it. She had been living in the council estate next door with her family and wanted to visit her friend on the Peabody Estate that night because the friend had just brought home a new baby. The air raid sirens sounded and her mum said ‘no’. While her friend and her baby and her family and neighbours all thought they were in a safe shelter under the building Ethels family were in a nearby railway arch. She said that when the bomb hit the block the arch was suddenly robbed of air. Everyone inside had been buried alive and it took weeks for men like her father to dig out the bodies and body parts. One night at the tea table he started crying and Ethel said to him “Buck up, dad”.

The space where that block had been became a car park. Another block had been removed like a tooth from the middle to create a large partially sunken space, and inside that recessed outline of there was a play space which was eventually fitted out with slides and swings. With the surrounding blocks in a rectangle around it this worked like a giant loudspeaker. The gentle brushing of the courtyard by the porter would wake me up in the morning, you could hear any conversation clearly, and in the summer the children yelled and screamed all day long.

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I fucking hate the time around July 4th. The fireworks drive me fucking crazy. This year, I lost my noise canceling earplugs. Even when I’m inside with all doors and windows shut, the neighbors fireworks are too loud for me. If I had my earplugs, this would be bearable but I don’t. I fucking hate this. I have never done well with fireworks unless I had noise canceling earplugs/headphones. Fucking sensory issues can go to hell. Oh great. Now my neighbors vagina gremlins are shouting. Fuck. Now I have to deal with fireworks AND screaming children. Fuck Independence Day. Honestly.

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Something I’m nervous about once shelter-in-place is over is the fact that, due to me being furloughed and my boyfriend working from our studio apartment, we haven’t been as much as a separate room for more than 2hrs a day in the past 4 months and what if I have separation anxiety?

Do I just bring him to work going “Please sir, this is my emotional support boyfriend”?

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Me the morning of my ASD assessment: Oh hell, why did I agree to this? I’m so ridiculous, they’re just going to laugh at me, and then shout at me and call me names for wasting their time,  I’m going to slam the laptop down and run away, or maybe I’ll just scream. Idk

My assessors after my ASD assessment: After all those years you spent not understanding why everything was so difficult for you and being told you were just lazy and needed to stop making excuses: and you were actively engaging with therapy and medication and not seeing much if any improvement and wondering why you were so broken: well, you have your answer. You’re on the ASD spectrum. You were never broken, you just live in a world that isn’t accommodating you and have received the message loud and clear since birth that who you are isn’t ok. But it is. Now you can learn more about how to accommodate your own needs, and go forward with self-compassion and understanding

Me immediately after my assessment: *Bursts into tears* I feel so valid!

Me laying in bed that night: But what if they made a mistake and call me back in the morning to tell me, I what, bodyswitched without realising for the entire duration of the assessment, what are you going on about brain?

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I think my general special interest is anime and anime-like cartoons

because I could literally talk about that for HOURS (and I have before)

I’ve been confused on what my SpIn is for a bit because it feels like so many things at once, but I’ve realized that I don’t have to be specific.

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So it seems like having a blog sharing simplified/clearer recipes for autistics/other NDs is something people might want. I’ve made a separate blog for it @autisticrecipes, feel free to follow and I’ll put together an introduction post over the next few days.

I’m going to try and have a go at writing a few recipes including the suggestions I’ve been given (thank you everyone!) and I’ll share them, it probably won’t be perfect at first (both because there’s a lot of accessibility issues that might be conflicting and because as someone who already has a fairly detailed knowledge of cooking there may be things I miss out). Feedback will be welcome and encouraged.

These are the general ideas I have so far:

- step by step instructions (where each step is actually one step, including things that might seem obvious to NTs/people who are comfortable cooking, e.g. Turn off the oven)

- steps/ingredients that can be altered and/or omitted (ie aren’t necessary) and that must be included

- recipes will all serve one where possible so easier to multiply if needed for more (rather than trying to figure out how to make a ‘serves 4’ recipe serve 3)

- timing for when to start different components of dishes so can all be served at the same time

- which herbs/spices go well with a meal

- submission of dishes and recipes people want simplified/altered (specifications inc particular accessibility or sensory needs encouraged, otherwise will follow a standard format)

- submission of recipes simplified by followers also welcomed/encouraged

- I think it would be useful to have some other mods (at the least, someone who knows more about/different things about cooking who’s preferably ND and another autistic or ND who finds recipes difficult to follow/knows less about cooking, so they can tell me if recipes are easy to follow or not)

- feedback on ALL recipes WELCOMED and ENCOURAGED - will edit and update recipes to make them more accessible

- possibility of multiple versions of one recipe? (so people who want to know what must be included/exact and can be excluded or altered are provided for, but so are people who just want simplified steps and may be overwhelmed by too much information)

Please let me know if you have any questions, I know this is a fairly rough outline at the minute but I’ll make a more coherent post on autisticrecipes when I’ve written some recipes.

(I can’t tag the new blog properly atm, presumably because I’ve just made it but I will link it in a reblog along with tagging everyone who’s contributed so far)

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