goodday! I was curious if there are any IF that features a disabled mc? this might be odd but as a physically disabled person, its always nice to see some representation :)
hi! since the definition of disability is rather broad, we decided to take this opportunity to turn this into a master post encompassing both physical, mental, and neurological disabilities. We will divide everything into subcategories so it’s easier to find what you’re looking for!
and remember, if you find that any game is missing from this list, please, let us know :)
180 Files: The Aegis Project (optional) by Karelia Hall
Remembered: The Past (optional) by Kristin Jahu
The Eight Years Revolution (option for hearing aids) by @eight-years-revolution
Varðir (option for hearing aids) by @vardir
When It Hungers (upcoming option to be HoH in rewrite) by @roast-ifs
Fields of Asphodel (Alekto) by @asphodelgame
Hollowed Minds (Alonzo - not specified in the demo yet) by @shai-manahan
Powered (Simon) by @powered-if (no demo)
Project Hadea (Ki-Ha) by @nyehilismwriting
Twin Coves (Lir is HoH) by @twincovesgame
When It Hungers (Nico) by @roast-ifs
You Live And Fern (Char) by @beetlebethwrites
The Brighter the Dawn (MC’s father is is HoH) by @dawning-games
The Northern Passage (Branwen) by @northern-passage
Hollowmoon Valley (option available to be silent) by @hollowmoonvalley
Legend of a Savior (One of the planned routes is an MC without a tongue) by @legend-of-a-savior-if (no demo)
The King’s Hound by @the-kingshound (18+, no demo)
The Twilight Order (Désiré) by @exn0bisstudios (18+, no demo)
Wolfwater (Lux) by @carrs-universe (no demo)
All Paths Lead to the Underground (mute secondary character) by @pol-writes
Lost Birds (Ghost) by @if-lostbirds
The Brighter the Dawn (Ranada is selectively mute) by @dawning-games
Other physical disabilities
Event Horizon (MC experiences psychosis) by @if-eventhorizon
Hollowed Minds (MC will have more frequent migraines over time) by @shai-manahan
Lost Birds (Prosthetic arm and leg) by @if-lostbirds
Remember, You Will Die (Prosthetic options for MC) by @vapolis
The Ballad of Devil’s Creek (Option for MC to be missing an eye) by @devilscreekballad
The Brighter the Dawn (Malcolm is missing an arm) by @dawning-games
The Eight Years Revolution (prosthetic option for MC) by @eight-years-revolution
The Twilight Order (MC can have prosthetics and/or be blind in 1 eye) by @exn0bisstudios (no demo)
Twin Coves (Lir deals with chronic pain, Eli is an amputee with a prosthetic, Azriel has very poor eyesight ) by @twincovesgame
Until the Colors Bleed Gray (blind MC) by @until-the-colors-bleed-gray
Varðir (MC can chose to wear glasses, use a walking cane or have a prosthetic) by @vardir
WALL (MC can have a prosthetic hand or leg) by @notesfromwall
All Paths Lead to the Underground (Balzac, blind in one eye) by @pol-writes
Body Count (Ellis has EDS) by @bodycountgame (+18)
Digital Drive (Isa has a prosthetic arm, Vic has an artificial eye) by @pol-writes (no demo)
Event Horizon (Eris has one arm) by @if-eventhorizon
Herotome (Griffin uses a wheelchair) by @herotome
Magician’s Voyage (Luc has prosthetic limbs) by @magiciansvoyage
Nevermoore (Sterling is blind) by @asteristories
Perfumare 2 (Alan has glaucoma) by @pdrrook (no demo)
Peripety: At Its Essence (Dominik is fully blind) by @gamingperipety (18+, no demo)
Sentinel (Amari has a prosthetic arm) by @nyehilismwriting
Snakeroot (Mal has a prosthetic leg) by @cerberus-writes
The Ballad of Devil’s Creek (Charlie is missing an eye) by @devilscreekballad
The Everheart Thief (A is paraplegic, uses a wheelchair) by @everheart-if (no demo)
The Nameless (Magesmith has a prosthetic arm) by @parkerlyn
The Northern Passage (Merry is blind in one eye) by @northern-passage
Tournament of Souls (D is blind in one eye) by @maxdes
Varðir (Vígríðr has a prosthetic arm) by @vardir
Wayfarer (Calla has a prosthetic arm) by @idrellegames
Witches of Ferngrove (W has a prosthetic arm) by @witchesofferngrove
All Paths Lead to the Underground (the bishop is blind) by @pol-writes
Attollo (Deadlock has migraines) by @attollogame
Mental disabilties and neurodivergencies
Our Life (option for MC to be on the spectrum) by @gb-patch
Peripety: At Its Essence (MC has migraine) by @gamingperipety (18+, no demo)
The Twilight Order (MC can have dyslexia and/or dyscalculia) by @exn0bisstudios (18+, no demo)
Twin Coves (MC has PTSD) by @twincovesgame
When it Hungers (MC has migraines, insomnia, and PTSD) by @roast-ifs
Ace of Spades (A is on the spectrum) by @steph-writing
Advenio (Sifra has ADHD) by @adveniogame
An Angel’s Song (Saori is autistic) by @melkstudio
Diaspora (Sangarinus) by @diasporatheblog
Fields of asphodel (MC and other important characters) by @asphodelgame
Greater Than Gods (Evan has ADHD and Wyatt is autistic) by @technicangels
Hollowed Minds (Alonzo has PTSD) by @shai-manahan
Our Life (Cove is autistic) by @gb-patch
Perfumare 2 (Flavio has insomnia) by @pdrrook (no demo)
Powered (Daniel has ADD, Ilide is autistic and Jake has ADHD) by @powered-if (no demo)
The Brighter the Dawn (Lichtenberg and Twelve are autistic) by @dawning-games
The Golden Harp (Gray is autistic) by @thegoldenharp
The Northern Passage (Clem has ADHD) by @northern-passage
The Starless Throne (Quill is autistic) by @illonius-if (no demo)
Twin Coves (Cass has ADHD) by @twincovesgame
When it Hungers (Nico has ADHD, Isla has PTSD) by @roast-ifs
When Twilight Strikes (A has ADHD) by @evertidings
Witches of Ferngrove (Jules has PTSD, C is neurodivergent) by @witchesofferngrove
Hollowed Minds (Raine-ADHD; Vincent-OCD) by @shai-manahan
Hollowed Minds (recurring hallucinations that may worsen over time depending on decisions—partly involves science) by @shai-manahan
Project Hadea (Imxa has missing limbs) by @nyehilismwriting
The Chosen One [Italian demo] (Rascia is completely colorblind) by @kal-writesif
When it Hungers (Danny) by @roast-ifs
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FUN FACT OF THE DAY
YOU HAVE TO ALREADY BE ABLE TO DO IT
BEFORE YOU CAN BE LAZY FOR NOT DOING IT
SO IF YOU CANT DO IT
GUESS WHAT HECKER
ITS NOT LAZINESS
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hi I'm a bisexual non-binary mentally ill person trying to survive off disability and right now I am in desperate need of financial help. almost all of my monthly disability check goes towards rent and I'm trying to support both me and my boyfriend fiscally and it's become very difficult. the latest issue is that we need $1,000 in car repairs and I am not sure what to do about that because I never see that kind of money. every day is extremely hard right now because I do not have access to mental healthcare and we're both really really struggling.
if you have anything you can spare, I would really really appreciate it.
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so i tried this recently on a communal donation post but it got lost in the notes so here we go. hii i’m astra i’m a disabled black trans nonbinary woman. disability has put me well under the poverty line and the pandemic is expensive and i don’t have enough money for bills currently because of a cost mix up and as well i’ll run out of food pretty soon due to earlier difficulties in grocery delivery. my birthday is at the end of this month and i’d really like to avoid facing it starving, if you have anything to spare it would be life saving.
ko-fi / paypal (dm for my more direct paypal if needed)
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PLEASE REBLOG, MIXED DISABLED TRANS PERSON NEEDS HELP:
Hey all. I hate to do this but I’m in need of help. I’m a 20 year old Iranian American trans person who’s unemployed (actively looking for work), and I’m disabled as well (PTSD, Lupus). I currently have no source of money.
P@yp@l has charged me for something I unsubscribed from, and now it says I’m around $300 in debt to them. I have contacted them and the company it charged me to, and both have stated nothing can be done except paying them back within the next 30 days. I really need help.
I need all the help I can get, because my family is unsupportive and I haven’t been able to get hired. Shares and ANY donations are appreciated.
V€nmo: @ nuvematown
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A friendly reminder that dwarfs are real people and not at all related to the mystical race of "dwarves" depicted in media such as Lord of the Rings and Dungeons and Dragons!!!!
Dwarfism is a medical condition that results in a shortness of stature alongside other potentially disabling complications, such as hearing impairment and arthritis. Little people are people!!! And we're not from erebor!!
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Grant Me Serenity: In Defense of Leeza Scarborough by Mae Murray
[Major spoilers for Midnight Mass. Content warning: Childhood sexual abuse]
Because I exist in disability circles and am privy to the conversations that take place there, I need to get something off my chest:
I think Mike Flanagan got my experience of disability right with the creation and evolution of Leeza Scarborough, a teenaged wheelchair user.
I’ve seen a few premature reactions to her character from people in the disability community, whose only source appears to be the intentionally misleading trailer, or the equally misleading first few episodes of the 7-part limited series. They narrow in on the moment Father Paul withholds the Eucharist and forces Leeza to rise from her wheelchair, making a miraculous example of her before an awestruck congregation.
“We don’t need to be fixed,” is a rallying cry in the disability community. Seeing Leeza rise from her chair is an affront, but one that lacks the context of her complete character arc. Never mind the historical context of this scene’s inclusion; Miraculous healing of disabled bodies is deeply rooted in theology and zealous evangelicalism, and writer/director Mike Flanagan only revels in this moment so that he can turn it on its head in the series’ third act.
I don’t blame anyone for being skeptical. With a track record that includes What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and Forrest Gump, disability as written by non-disabled people tends to get it wrong in over-the-top, egregious ways. So many narratives center the feelings of the caregivers of the disabled person, their angst and anxiety around the burden of caregiving. The conflict in these stories is often the disability itself, and the goal of the characters to find a cure, or to learn life lessons from the pure, lovable, and “inspiring” disabled character. These stories predictably lack the nuance to include the disabled person’s experience of themselves and of the world.
Midnight Mass is not that story. It’s more complex than that, and I think my own experience of disability helps explain why.
Leeza feels robbed, and those feelings are justified. She was robbed of her childhood as she knew it when Joe Collie irresponsibly misfired a gun, paralyzing her from the waist down. One moment, she was walking with her father and the next, she couldn’t feel her legs. Her world was turned upside down. When we meet Leeza, her greatest wish isn’t that she weren’t disabled; it’s that the trauma she experienced had never happened at all.
I also feel robbed most of the time.
My jaw aches from constant clenching, left side of my face perpetually swollen. It feels like there is cotton in my ear, pressure behind my eye. It was a hot July day in Arkansas when it happened. I was eight years old; My older stepbrother shot a bottle rocket at me, the zip and pop of it erupting at my left ear. I heard nothing at first, just felt pain like a needle, felt the rush of blood in my head and the muddled vibration of the creek that ran behind the condemned trailer we called our home.
I held my fingers up to my ear and snapped. SNAP. Snap. I could barely register the sound. I will spend the rest of my life doing that, the ebb of hearing in my left ear changing constantly depending on the day, the weather, or whether I’ve had too much sugar or salt.
Seventeen years later, I was diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus— an inflammatory autoimmune disease that can attack every organ in the body, including the skin and joints. In the weeks preceding my diagnosis, I could hardly hold a spoon or open a jar of peanut butter. On my worst night, my partner carried me to the bathroom because I could no longer walk. My joints were visibly inflamed and radiated heat, a fire that seared my body at every hinge where bone meets bone.
At first, my rheumatologist spoke about the possibility of remission, but we don’t talk about that anymore. Now it’s about pain management, about making me as comfortable as possible in the day-to-day. I live with a constant sense of fatalism, a cloud of dread. I write and hustle and beg for opportunities ravenously like a person chasing a dream with fire at her back. Looking for something like kinship, I read Flannery O’Connor, one of my biggest literary inspirations, taken from the world by lupus at the age of 39. I am acutely aware of my own mortality.
Of course, my lupus diagnosis isn’t something that was done to me by someone else in a direct sense. As is with most autoimmune diseases, it was more likely an amalgamation of biological and environmental factors. My history has been blackened by complex trauma. I have both witnessed and fallen victim to substance use, domestic and sexual violence, and poverty. I believe I was genetically predisposed to autoimmune disease, but the nature of the cards I was dealt in life triggered the inflammatory response that would become this incurable thing within me. Blame a body constantly in fight-or-flight, a body that truly keeps the score.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
The Serenity Prayer resides at the heart of Midnight Mass, referred to most often in the AA scenes between Riley Flynn and Father Paul. It is arguably the most important piece of religious text featured in the show, and its inclusion has a thematic echo that reverberates through each character’s arc, most notably Leeza’s.
Leeza feels isolated. In the first episode, Warren Flynn invites her to join him and his friends out on the beach, but she politely declines. There is something unspoken but clear when she does: I will only slow you down.
I was 25 when I was diagnosed with lupus. It would be unreasonable to deny that life was different, that there isn’t a ‘before lupus’ and ‘after lupus.’ Before lupus, I went hiking frequently. I enjoyed going to the beach and laying in the sun. I would go to clubs and bars, stay out late with my friends, and I was up for almost anything. Now, those things are impossible. I’m exhausted, can’t get through the day without a nap. I’m photosensitive and have what amounts to a sun allergy; even a little exposure can cause rash, severe fatigue, and inflammation in my lungs, joints, brain, heart. The pain I feel is constant, and sometimes so excruciating that I can’t sleep. There are times I have to use a cane to walk.
Eventually, invitations to hang out came less and less, and when they did come, they were often to do things I was no longer able to do. I would politely decline, usually with an apology. I will only slow you down.
Leeza and I live with grudges inside us. My hearing loss was something done to me by someone very, very cruel (that same older stepbrother went on to sexually abuse children— a much deeper cut, a much more painful wound). The trauma I experienced throughout my life was likely the reason lupus manifested in my body; those things I witnessed and endured, most of them done to me or to others where I could see, creating a body in overdrive that seeks to destroy itself. These things weren’t always.
If you asked me if I could change myself, if I could ‘fix’ what has been done to me, I would tell you yes. Not because there is anything inherently wrong or bad about my disabled body, but because of how it came to be. I see in Leeza a disabled person who feels the same way. When she confronts Joe Collie in his trailer, she unleashes the anger she has been harboring silently for so long. You stole from me.
Eventually, viewers learn that Leeza’s ‘healing’ is the result of ingesting vampire blood fed to churchgoers as the sacrament. Bad backs are miraculously pain-free, elders are made young again, and yes, Leeza can walk. But this comes with a price, and the population of Crockett Island pays it. Father Paul’s own motivations are revealed as well; that he could not accept the love of his life slowly dying, and so sought to reverse what would otherwise be inevitable.
And it’s that inevitability that I dwell on, an aspect of the show that is as haunting as it is beautiful. Our mortality, our fates, the ways in which we feel we are meant to live our lives, the reality, and what we would do to change it. What would I do? What wouldn’t I do?
Leeza’s exploration of love and forgiveness, of hatred, of her relationship to her body in an ableist religious community, is one of the less talked about cruxes of the show, but to me and the disabled body I inhabit, it is the most important. In the end, salvation did not come in the healing of her disabled body, but in the embracing of it.
And if Leeza could do that, maybe someday I could do it too. Just two good but complicated disabled people grappling with what was done to us, but able to find serenity despite it all.
The final scene finds Leeza adrift in a small rowboat with Warren Flynn, watching from a distance as the fire consumes everything they’ve ever known; family, friends, the island they called home. The boat they’re in gently rocks on the water. Despite the horror of what they have just experienced, their faces are at peace.
I can’t feel my legs, Leeza says.
And then: she smiles.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider tipping via Venmo (maemurrayxo), CashApp ($maemurrayxo) or PayPal (firstname.lastname@example.org). Don’t forget to share your thoughts via Twitter or Instagram. Thank you for reading!
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body: "Knock knock"
me: "Who's there?"
body: "A flare up!"
me: "Oh come on, you know that that's not how the game works"
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"are you busy?" Is very complicated question when you're autistic
When? Right now or a few hours from now? For what? Is it going to exhaust me mentally or ruin my schedule? If it's to join you watching television then yeah im too busy for that, but if it's to help you with your work then im not busy, i have something to do to night tho.
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Though the jokes that "since gay pride month is over, july is now gay wrath month" are funny and all, it's important to remember that July is ACTUALLY Disability Pride Month and y'all should really be focused on boosting disabled voices and issues this month! For instance, the fact that marriage equality doesn't actually truly exist in the United States for disabled people, or the fact that disabled people are forced to live in poverty or lose their disability benefits, or the fact that 1 in 5 people with chronic pain end up sufferring from alcoholism or other addictions, or how accessibility is still a daily battle for all of us, or how there are active hate groups on places like reddit who try to "call out" those they see as "faking" their disabilities.
This July, boost disabled voices. Talk about the issues that our community faces. Call out ableism.
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It helped me to realize this.
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☆ Happy Disability Awareness Month from your local little person! ☆ (they/them)
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[Image Descriptions: A tweet from Alice Wong saying: "The delights of being disabled: I found out the BiPap machine I use at night and day (both models) are RECALLED (US only). Due to disintegrating foam inside!! That people...who need respiratory support...are breathing in." A retweet from Erik Ekins (QueerlyAutistic) saying: "The fact that people are finding this out through Twitter, about the machines that literally help/enable them to breathe."]
SIGNAL BOOST for anyone who needs to see this:
Here's a link to the recall page:
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Disability pride month
July is Disability Pride Month. The first Disability Pride started in Boston, MA in 1990 but it has since become an international celebration. The aim of Disability Pride is described by the founders of Disability Pride NYC to “promote inclusion, awareness, and visibility of people with disabilities, and redefine public perception of disability”.
(ID: an image of the Disability Pride flag. The background is black, with blue, yellow, white, red and green lightning bolts in the center, one of each color. End of ID)
The disability pride flag
The Disability Pride flag has some very interesting symbolism interpreted by the artist which include:
The Black Field: this field is to represent the disabled people who have lost their lives due to not only their illness, but also negligence, suicide, and eugenics.
The Lightning Bolt: the shape of the lightning bold represent the non-lateral lives that many disabled people live, often having to adapt themselves or their physical routes to get around an inaccessible society.
The Colours: each colour on this flag represents a different aspect of disability or impairment:
Blue: mental illness
Yellow: cognitive and intellectual disabilities
Green: sensory perception disabilities
Red: physical disabilities
White: invisible and undiagnosed disabilities
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the body positivity movement needs to start moving hard into including disabled bodies and this is what I mean by that. yes, it was a good step forward to change the rhetoric from “your body is a good body if it meets these arbitrary aesthetic standards” to “your body is a good body because it completes these tasks for you” (ie: walking, eating, laughing, hugging, etc.) but that rhetoric is still not fully body positive, because it excludes bodies that do not do these things. the same as saying how we need to “focus on healthy bodies not skinny bodies” sounds good at first, but it completely misses the point that unhealthy bodies deserve to be appreciated too. disabled bodies are still beautiful and still fundamentally good, not because “your body is kind to you so you should be kind to your body”- because not everyone’s body is kind to them. but all bodies are still good bodies because they are what houses your soul. your body is what allows you to exist and live your life in whatever way you live it, and for that reason, it is a good and beautiful body. your body is what your loved ones see when they look at you and the love they feel for it as an extension of you makes it a good and beautiful body. your body doesn’t have to look a certain way or behave a certain way to be good. it is good just for being here.
if you don’t like this post that’s fine. if you don’t agree with this post that’s fine. I am literally just a person, a real person behind this account, who isn’t a fucking disability activist for a living, I’m just Some Guy who has a degenerative chronic pain condition and was frustrated with language I was hearing. if you’re frustrated with language you’re hearing here, make your own post about it. don’t fucking derail the fact that this makes me and many other people feel better. don’t fucking tell me I’m wrong when I’m not fucking talking to you. if this post doesn’t resonate with you, then guess what- it’s not for you. I didn’t tag you in it so you can just move on. I said what I needed to hear and there are some people who needed it too. if you arent one of them, don’t try to make us feel shitty for trying to make our lives as bearable as possible.
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Is it weird to sometimes want to be back in hospital where there were people who genuinely cared for you, showed you more emotional warmth than your family ever did and accepted you the way you were? Because the chief physician told you that you're like his own child to him? Because he did everything in his power to help you get better not because he had to but because he cared? Because by being open about his own emotions and by encouraging you he helped you to allow showing weakness instead of pretending to always be strong? Because he's been more of a father to you than your own dad?
Asking for a friend.
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Yet another reminder that faking is a conscious choice that you make.
It is not something you can do accidentally, regards of what you're talking about.
You can't accidentally fake depression, or anxiety, or bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or any other mental illness.
You can't accidentally fake Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, personality disorders.
You can't accidentally fake ADHD, autism, Tourette's Syndrome, auditory processing disorder, aphasia or any other neurodivergence
You can't accidentally fake being trans or ace-spec or aro-spec or any other LGBTQIA+ identity.
You can't accidentally fake chronic illnesses like CFS, fibromyalgia or any chronic illness.
You also can't accidentally fake being good/intelligent at something. You didn't fool your peers into reaching your position.
You can't accidentally fake trauma, PTSD/cPTSD, DID/OSDD/DDNOS or any other trauma-based disorder.
Faking is a conscious choice.
You cannot do it by accident.
If you are worried that you are faking, that in itself is proof that you are not.
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