Why am I crying?
got too hot and passed out..feel a bloody nose on its way. Now time to dissociate- Oh! What a day! :3
When you start intentionally triggering yourself because you have been too emotionally stable lately and haven’t had an episode in a while.
this world is terrible
there is so much pain
my empathy soaks up every bit
I cannot stand it
anxiety and shaking
why is nothing in my control
why are people so evil
this world is dark and painful
I want to leave it.
As a person with BPD I wanted to fight against stigmas and go against the odds in fighting for a stable relationship. I tried my best to spread awareness through my finsta and my tumblr to educate those who don’t suffer with BPD.
I used to believe in happy endings
I used to believe in fighting for what you loved and believed in
I’m a person who believed you could fight against the odds.
But deep down what’s the use.
We live in a world full of stigmas and facts that people want to see and believe. And maybe sometimes those stigmas are true
Maybe I am undeserving of love and I will never do anybody I love any good…
I had a real long talk with my therapist today about the concept of a FP coinciding with my bpd. Whilst it was obviously supposed to make me feel better, and help me understand why things make me feel the way I feel, I actually maybe even feel worse. Bc once again my day to day feelings and actions are led by my mental health. I know at some point with time I’ll be able to accept this but it just feels so shitty rn, but I’m glad I brought it up with her. It’s allowed me to understand things with a new perspective and maybe having it out of my own hands (as i can now see it’s something out of my physical control) is better as I might just be able to flow with it? Idk. I already knew of the term (FP) but I’ve never tried to understand it or related it to my life and now that I have it seems too real and I’m not really okay with it.
If anyone maybe has any suggestions or advice relating to it I’d really appreciate it, you can message me directly or under this post :)
please talk to me i just want to talk i know youre doing something important but i need you i need you i need you please please please please please please i just want to talk please just tell me you love me please please i need you i need you i need you i need you i dont know how to deal with my emotions and youre the only one who can make me feel better please please i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
“Pregudices are what fools use for reason.”
I want you to worship me like the God I am. Don’t make me rip those pretty little wings off, angel.
you hurt me so bad but i can’t look past my love for you to get away
Fuck pms makes it like im off my meds. This is what I’d feel everyday so thank god for mood stabilizers and antidepressants anyway.
But yea i go from wanting to do 10 things at the same time to wanting to rip my fucking hair out. (Notice how i say “wanting” bc i dont actually do anything it’s just all stuck in my heAD)
Hyper mood lasted almost 12 hours tho lmfao #thankgodforcoffee
i hate that my heart is so big. i hate that i love people who hate me. i hate i’m trying my best to help someone who hurts me constantly. i hate that i don’t respect myself or put my own needs first. i hate that i would cut my heart out to give it to you. i hate myself i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate
i want to cry. why doesnt anyone understand me??????
i’ve been abused by my parents as a kid, sexually abused online since i was 11, abused by classmates, by teachers, by all my exes. by everyone in society. is it any wonder i abuse myself? that’s all i’ve ever been taught
realizing that your first relationship being with a 21 year old when you’re 13 is so very fucked up and not okay and a reason i’m so fucked up and broken
i’m so broken. i’ve been denied a chance at normal life every step along the way and i still am. i dont know what to do. i really try my best to love everyone and all i do is get hurt. it feels so dark and hopeless and i just want someone to love me just once
im really not feeling well
it hurts that all my money goes to you & other things. i just wanna spend my money on things that will make me happy because I already want to die more everyday.
when ur Favorite Person is abusive & it feels like your entire world revolves around their mood swings and you just can’t give them up
“We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit”