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i understand hun, i know how much it sucks and hurts when you want to be there and support people but you’re struggling yourself so much. just remember that sometimes you can’t be there for everyone, and that doesn’t mean you don’t care or you’re selfish, it just means you cant right now. it’s okay to lean on people, you need help and support and it’s okay to ask for it. if others expect you to always be okay and or comfort them, that’s not a flaw with you but them. it will be okay, just don’t pressure yourself to be fine love. and what happened with you and your little i’m sure happened for a reason hun.

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If it scares you that much and since you have a history of PTSD, you definitely shouldn’t be watching it. Continuing to do so is self harm, which is also probably why you wanna keep watching it; self harm is addictive. And if you continue doing it, you’re likely going to trigger yourself into having a flashback of your own, which is obviously not something we want.

Please please please take care of yourself and stop watching it. And maybe try finding something else to watch that’s thrilling without being harmful to you. That might help you fill the desire to watch Jessica Jones. And if that doesn’t work, you can try picking up a hobby like horror video games or something else thrilling/scary maybe 😊

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A coworker said he fancies me. That if he was 20 years younger he’d do everything to win me. That I’m a natural beauty. Sometimes he poked me. He took a picture of me although I said I don’t want him to. We have an app where we see which team we’ll be working in every day, and he called the person responsible for the planning to get us planned together. This morning I also called that person to ask not to be planned with said coworker anymore. The coworker then said I am betraying him and tomorrow will be a useless day since he’s not planned with me, and that he’ll miss me etc. He’s 50 years old or so, and I’m 25… I’m so scared that he’ll try to be planned with me again. Or that he’ll ask why we are not planned anymore. Or that he’ll send weird messages to me outside of work. I confided in another coworker whom I trust a lot. But we do on-call duty every so often, and what will I do when I’m on call with him? I’m so scared to go to work. My coworkers are all men and I’m the only woman there. But that person is the only one behaving like that and I don’t want him to destroy my work life. I like working there. But it also makes me feel filthy and like I have to do everything to become ugly. I want to hurt myself and lose so much weight that I’m unattractive. Alcohol doesn’t make me forget it…

Please post as anon and tag thetho. Thanks :)

Hey there,

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I can really relate to wanting to hurt yourself and lose lots of weight to become unattractive though so you are definitely not alone with thinking this way. To be honest though (and it took me a long time to realise this) but doing these things will only hurt yourself and not the other person. This co-worker may always fancy you but it’s not fair on yourself to punish you for the way that another may feel towards you. Does that make sense?

It sounds like from what you have written too that you have done everything in your power to try to distance yourself from this co-worker. It can be so hard to work in a job where you are the only female, and I can understand that you love working where you do. In the end though work is meant to be a safe haven where you can do what is expected of you in your work duties and do this work whilst feeling comfortable and not feeling filthy and like you need to become ‘ugly’ to just be left alone and be accepted and treated like you deserve to be (which sounds like you aren’t right now).

So I guess that in the end you have to know when enough is enough. You deserve so much better and I wish so much that you could see this too! You are an amazing and beautiful person just as you are and instead of trying to take this beauty away from yourself, you need to find a way to make peace with this situation and decide if you want to keep working where you are under the current situation or if you would be happier and more comfortable working in a better environment where you can just be yourself! Unfortunately though, no one can make this decision for you but yourself!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please know that we are here for you if you need to talk some more. You are not alone!

I’m thinking of you!

Take care,

Lauren

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(+) (previous genital warts / hpv anon) Not only do I know now I have violated someone, betrayed their trust . I feel like I took away their chance of actually consenting, I feel like a rapist. Although it wasn’t intentional, I still know deep down it’s something I should’ve told them before becoming intimate. I don’t know how to process everything right now.

Hey there,

It can be really hard when it comes to something like genital warts and educating yourself about it and especially when you think you are all clear since already being treated for them. I am very surprised though that your treating doctor did not explain to you that the virus that causes genital warts can unfortunately not be cured. So even though you are feeling incredibly bad right now in possibly giving the virus to him, you weren’t to know that this was a possibility, so in saying this please don’t be too hard on yourself as your treating doctor should have at least given you some information about all of this so that you could have safe sex and not have this happen in the first place!

Unfortunately what is done is done and all you can really do now is try to make better choices with the information that you now have. I’m so sorry that this guy has not spoken to you since you explained everything to him but I am proud of you for telling him everything as not everyone would have been brave enough to do this. You did the right thing though and now that you know more about genital warts and the virus that causes it, you can make sure to practise safe sex with others in the future.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and made you feel like you were less to blame for all of this! Please know that I am thinking of you at this tough time!

Take care,

Lauren

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my mom is extremely abusive and she is very dangerous for my mental health and she’s threatening violence. i’m not safe but i can’t get a job because i’m applying for disability and if i get a job it will automatically disqualify me. i can’t work enough to afford to survive on my own due to my disability. she is amplifying my disability with her extreme abuse and i don’t know what to do. i can’t do anything for myself because the abuse has made my disability even worse. my own mother is torturing me for some sick satisfaction it give her by exploiting my mental illness. 

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You do not want to marry someone who treats you like an option or after thought. If he doesn’t care enough to hide his transgressions, an ultimatum isn’t going to make him feel guilty. You deserve better than ruminating over someone that is cheating. Have that discussion, make the right decision, and cut your losses. (If it was me, I wouldn’t say anything. I’d just leave/cut off. LOL.)

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I’m thinking in 3D, like theres a tube, and that’s my esophagus, and then there’s another tube and that’s my throat, and i can like look into it, and theres fucking particles, and they’re like little cubes, like those blue cubes from elementary school when they were showing us how to count, and theyre three by three, and its like tall infinite fucking beams of that.

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Hi!

Your boyfriend saying “I love you” to his friends is more of a friendship kind of love, so I think that’s why he can say it without hesitation. I think he can’t say “I love you” to you yet because you and him are dating, so you’re different from his friends. 

There are a lot of possible reasons as to why your boyfriend doesn’t say “I love you.” It really depends on the person. Your boyfriend might think that by saying “I love you,” it means he has to fulfill certain expectations and he just isn’t ready to do that yet. Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t want to try; he might be just afraid of the expectations. Your boyfriend might be the type of person who like to show that they love their partner, instead of saying it. Or maybe something happened in the past, and it’s difficult for him to say those three words. Maybe he’s dealing with something personal.

Hmm. There must be a reason why his mom keeps saying that your boyfriend and you are “just hanging out.” Perhaps she thinks that you and him are “just hanging out” because your boyfriend gave her that kind of impression somehow. He might have told his mom that he is “just hanging out” with you. You must consider the fact that although he cares about you, he unfortunately might not be in love with you. I hope that’s not the case.

You should ask him why he can’t say “I love you.” That way, you will know for certain. Hopefully, he will listen and answer your concern. Understand what “I love you” means for your boyfriend. Then, you can both decide what to do next. You can both think of a solution together.

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