depressedzelda

[depressedzelda]

[depressedzelda]

[depressedzelda]

#feel like it needs an honorary rb here

[depressedzelda]

Edvard Munch - Consolation (1894)

#aw man

[depressedzelda]

Literally what did olivia laing say about loneliness leading to more loneliness. Loneliness being so repulsive that people sense it from you and stay away. Crazy crazy

#damb ! well

[depressedzelda]

Suffering hours I hate my stupid balance life I am so tired of this PLEASE what is it like to feel NORMAL anymore I DONT KNOW!!!!

#starving but nauseous and struggling to keep what little i did get in downnnn #ohhh mii gahdddd so tired of this so tired of this so tired of this #is it stress is it anxiety is it the fact that i definitely am malnutritioned IDK but i cant fix any if thay if i cant EAT #HELP ME !!! FIR THE LOVE OF GOD WNOUUUUUGH

[depressedzelda]

Can I have a morning where I wake up feeling fine. Can I have a day where I am not repulsed by the very idea of food despite being starved

#every single day i am fighting for my life over some dumb bullshit i am so sick of this

[depressedzelda]

I just constantly feel like I am dying non stop omg. I legit cannot remember what it is like to be completely healthy anymore UM the vices are taking their toll

#bro i forgot about the rammies....uhhhhhhhhMMMMM #idk if im like a hypochondriac except Just for exclusively physical ailments like constantly believing my like. #heart or lungs or kidneys are shutting down or if im having symptoms of bejng about to have an aneurysm #or if im just incredibly malnutritioned. and anxious LOL

[depressedzelda]

#me for real in real life

[depressedzelda]

honestly maybe I am lacking in nuance with my relationships over my life but there are certain things I don't forgive and I don't regret despite the loneliness it caused me. If you're willing to not just allow but assist putting someone you claim to care about through some awful alienation and bullying sorry but I don't trust you anymore lol

#every meaningful irl friendship ive had has ended like that idk what it is about me but im never worth fighting for #its happened more times than i can remenber apparently and it dies change you :( anyways!

[depressedzelda]

while deleting old emails I accidentally downloaded a video I have zero memory of taking in 2016 with a friend of her getting skyrim married back when id visit her and we'd just game. Couldn't even finish it bc the memory hurt too much lol

#if anyone couldve been a long term friend it wouldve been her #but she kind of chose another friend that was suoer fuckin mean to both of us over me and allowed me to. like. suffer through that lol #goddamn it.

[depressedzelda]

MASKING MYTHS BUSTED: “Masking = Acting NT.”

FALSE.

Autistic masking does not necessarily mean “pretending to be allistic/neurotypical," although you’d definitely be forgiven for thinking it does.

Non-autistic researchers have been referring to it as “camouflaging” for years, framing it as an intentional choice to suppress autistic traits and replace them with allistic ones in order to “blend in.” Doing an internet search on the term will return several similar results.

But now, Autistic researchers are in the game, and their take is much more nuanced and comprehensive than that. (Funny how that happens, isn’t it?)

They’ve found that:

- It CAN be intentional but is often subconscious and involuntary 

- It is a protective response to trauma and feeling unsafe 

- It is often about suppressing more than just autistic traits 

- It is about identity management and being able to predict how people will treat you, not just “blending in”

Some people will lean into being “the bad kid” because they know that’s what people expect of them. Some people will even act “more autistic” because they know that’s what people expect of them. Others still will do things to attract attention in controllable, more “acceptable” ways to avoid attracting attention in unsafe, more stigmatizing ways. Not because they WANT to be that way, but because it lets them predict people’s responses better, which feels safer.

Also, there are Autistic people who can’t “pass” for non-autistic no matter how hard they try. That doesn’t mean they’re not masking. They may actually be working hard to suppress A LOT, they just can’t do everything to neuronormative standards.

None of these people will be accused of “blending in,” yet they are still masking their hearts out. When we assume they are not, we miss all the harm that masking is causing them. But they are suppressing themselves and suffering the consequences of that just as much as any Autistic person whose mask successfully says, “Hey, I’m just like you!”

(For more on this, please see the work of Dr. Amy Pearson and Kieran Rose.)

#oh hey lol haha ive done and do All of that

[depressedzelda]

omg what an annoying 2 days lmao between me being a pity party baby and then ALSO having to deal with (tmi incoming) the like 1000099999th uti I've had jn my life . Killing my elf

#so fucking stupid i was fine ALL day waiting since 10am for ben to wake tf up so we could finally go to costco #he sleeps in until fucking 2pm and when we are FINALLY ABOUT TO LEAVE GUESS WHAT HAPPENS. #PAIN AND INCREDIBLE UNCOMFORTABILITY #so ofc now hes mad at me for not coming with him and im the bad guy SO FUN #dying. dying. dying. dying death dying

[depressedzelda]

[depressedzelda]

[depressedzelda]

The consequences of not eating enough are scary lol. Keep forgetting that

#have not had much to eat for the last like 3 days ummmmm j forgor #you think id be tired of fighting for my life every single morning i wake up but every day here we go again

[depressedzelda]