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reasons i haven’t replied back:

- i’m socially exhausted - i don’t have the time right now - i don’t know how to reply - i have a bad memory and got distracted - i’m having a depressive episode and don’t have the energy to socialise

not reasons i haven’t replied back:

- i’m ignoring you just because - i hate you - i’m fed up with you - i don’t want to be your friend anymore

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lmao the amount of times people call andtext and make a song and dance just for me to be like 'whats up' and theyre like ''....nevermind.... nothing' like fucking ok bye, so annoying

someone calling me or texting us everyday about some problem or personal dilemma they have and making it our problem sounds like an exaggeration when i say 'every single day'' but it literally isnt an exaggeration. multiple times a day, multiple people usually. what the fuck do you WANT ffrom me

#ramblings #avril

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someone calling me or texting us everyday about some problem or personal dilemma they have and making it our problem sounds like an exaggeration when i say 'every single day'' but it literally isnt an exaggeration. multiple times a day, multiple people usually. what the fuck do you WANT ffrom me

#ramblings #avril

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Quiet Quitting is when you're not doing anything wrong but the vibes are off

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tbh sometimes it really sucks to be in situations where youre meant to feel positive or a strong emotion of some sort and you just kind of sit back and fully acknowledge that you don't really feel anything in that moment, youre not experiencing things the same as other people around you are. some of our disorders are always so demonised as if we just go out to hurt people and just skip off all happy thriving on pain, but no, for us its a feeling of being an outsider or different and not really feeling the same sense of reward for life that it seems other people do and trying to navigate situations that seems illogical, confusing and often filled with unnecessary problems. i havent always made the best decisions but i can say that ive never just randomly woken up in the morning and thought to myself 'oh yeah im just gonna go out of my way to hurt someones feelings today', it more comes from general feelings of anger and dissatisfaction with life that cause us to snap without meaning to. so much of social interaction just feels so drawn out and unneeded. sometimes i wonder if theres really a point or if we'll ever truly feel satisfied with anything. idk if this resonates with anyone else but we've been feeling that lately. if we talk to people we feel irritated, if we dont we feel depressed, if theres people around we need space, if theres no one around we get bored. we end up putting ourselves into fucked up situations just to feel something which only makes it WORSE, and then people get us wrong and think we're actively trying to be horrible, but then at the same time people cant seem to leave us alone either.

#ramblings #avril #annie

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sometimes im like "wow holy shit im being really fucking annoying. i should stop talking" and then i pull out my magic 8 ball and it says "youve always been annoying and your friends chose to talk you anyways. youll be fine" and im like wow thanks magic 8 ball. and then the ogre attacks me

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Plants actually move around a lot in 24 hours, they just do it very slowly | source

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Amnesia doing its thing

You go girl

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one of the most important things about dissociative identity disorder and generally being a system that i wish people would understand is that it truly isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem for member count.

you’ll see people who say they have “six alters” and then immediately assume it’s six fully fleshed out equal individuals with no confusion or fuzziness regarding identity. that’s simply not true in a majority of cases, as i have seen.

most systems still VERY much deal with confusion regarding potential splits, go through dissociative episodes where they’re unsure of who they are, sometimes feel no attachment towards any identities, feel like they might have split and then suddenly that person is gone, unsure if alters they haven’t heard from often have gone dormant, not sure how to react when alters do come out of dormancy, etc.

it’s not a fun feeling and it’s genuinely unfair in certain situations to force systems to list every single alter to you with full certainty, as if it will never change. because it will. for so many different reasons, systems will grow, they will shrink, they will fuse, they will develop. you can’t expect the person with the dissociative disorder and lack of core identity to be able to keep up a perfected list of forever, it’s simply impossible. you may have alters who stick with you, but that doesn’t mean changes won’t happen.

and systems who may be reading this — please don’t feel bad. you are not a hassle, you are not a headache, and you are not an inconvenience for simply coping with something like this. it’s out of your control and the only thing you can do is continue to cope to find ways to help yourself retrain from these reactions. please don’t allow yourself to be harmed by others who don’t understand what you are going through. there are people who will accept and love you for who you are, all of you.

past, present, and future.

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being a system is going through years and years of abuse and torment. being a system is sitting in the shower sobbing because you don’t know who or where you are. being a system is losing year-long friends because they refuse to believe you. being a system is looking the worst parts of you in the face and going “i think we can change”. being a system is holding a child version of yourself and repeating “i love you” over and over again.

being a system is hugging yourself and saying, “hey, we’re gonna be okay.”

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He’s a musician

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theres so many actions people are taking lately that just make me feel like theyre telling me indirectly 'you should be alone', and idk if they even realise this because then for some reason they seem to want me around but they dont even seem to like me that much

#ramblings

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I feel like there's two levels of chronically online. There's like, the variety where you recognize obscure memes and stupid drama and post constantly but have some sort of tether to reality and have friends in the real world and read the news from time to time, and then there's the kind where you genuinely don't realize that your political position or feelings about popular media are not just non-mainstream but actively fringe and that it's not emotional labor to pick people up from the airport.

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can i just say, it’s really gross how so much of the plural community (as well as doctors, therapists, and friends of systems) sincerely recommends hurting persecutors in order to make them stop persecuting. the amount of stories i’ve seen where systems are bragging about how they beat their persecutor/s into submission is disgusting. persecutors deserve to heal and to love and to be loved just as much as anyone.

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