economistontherun

[economistontherun]

Yesterday Sucked, Today Better

I needed a reminder of how much my butt hurt less than 24 hours after PRP injection. I got such good news on Tuesday. My right hamstring is 75% connected from what the ultrasound shows. That is awesome! Do you ever get news and you want to celebrate but then realize you can’t quite because something is holding you back. Whelp, that would be my left leg. I don’t want to blame my left leg because it feels so much better after the tenex and it deserves the same TLC the right leg received. I’m just a bit rammy. 

I haven’t exercised since the middle of June (sans the few days of swimming with pull buoy). I am thrilled that I have the means to have this treatment and the summer flexibility to give myself the proper time to heal. But damn, I miss doing stuff. Walking through Philly, taking Harry to the Art Museum to sit on the steps, walk to WXPN and wander around Independence Park. This is my respite and summer recharge. I’m trying to be productive and read more but sometimes I have chimp brain and I just sit and stare. I miss the endorphins and the sleep from an exercised body. I feel like my bike legs are getting soft as is my belly. This is not a negative body image thing at all, just miss feeling fit. 

My coach had a Lake Placid course preview webinar last night and I had an internal battle over attending. Did I belong since I wasn’t doing the race? Would it make me sad because I can’t do it this year? What if I can never do the race? I realized that the tone of my thoughts were negative and I had to flip the script. Yes I belonged there. Learning is learning whether for now or in the future. I love the Lake Placid course and to hear about it connected me to my great bike rides up there. So what if it makes me sad, that is understandable but it will also make me feel included. Never say never, recovery and rehab take time and all of us are different. Finish lines do move and my sights are set on that Oval. 

I logged on and I really enjoyed hearing Maria’s voice and her enthusiasm. She loves the course so much and her infectious attitude helped gel my love for the course as well. It is beautiful. Just freakin beautiful. Hearing about the course made me excited and I felt like I was part of something so much bigger than me. I laughed at a comment about the climb out of Wilmington and Maria saw it and commented on it. It made me feel good. I am still a triathlete and I have something to contribute even if I can’t train right now. The only part that got me choked up was hearing about the finish. I long to cross that finish line. I want that Ironman feeling that I can slow down this time (in Louisville it felt like someone else was crossing and I as watching from above). I will cry at least once for myself because I can’t do the race this year, but I will cry more happy tears for my friends and triathlete family out there racing their hearts out. 

Lake Placid Training Camp with No Limits Endurance - June 2019 

I realized that there is something special about having knowledge of the course, you look at the athlete tracking and can visualize where they are and relate to how they are feeling. The ups and downs that come with a long day on the Ironman course and the elation of finishing each discipline. I’m so glad we are going to experience it and cheer for the athletes. 

Lake Placid Swim Start - Training Camp June 2019 w Jaime (watch for her on the Oval) 

Someday soon they will be cheering for me. 

[economistontherun]

Left hamstring surgery completed with PRP injection on Tuesday. Anxious to see progress of right hammy too. 

[economistontherun]

Volunteering is Good Soul Food

Today is the day I have tenex on my left hamstring followed with PRP tomorrow. Last week was full of ups and downs fueled by the fact that the left leg was going to send me back to the couch for ten more days. I felt like I had to squeeze in as much as possible before the second surgery. 

Last week included swims at the Kelly Pool (50 meter outside) with a pool buoy. I swam from 1500 to 1900 meters and was so thrilled to be moving and still have cardio and arm strength to swim over 2000 yards. It was equally fun to be with friends that I haven’t seen in a while because of my rest and recovery. I had my first physical therapy evaluation and it was a very positive experience. There are many good things on the horizon, I have to dig deep and find my patience. 

This week didn’t go without some dark times. The weekend tends to be tough because of all the runners and cyclists out and about. The weather is horrible with “feels like” 100 degrees but damn I really need a good sweat. 

I cheered for G and friends at a 5K on 4th of July and had a really great holiday. The 5K doesn’t torture me because I don’t like that distance. It always hurts and my fast twitch muscles don’t fast twitch very well. I’m like a diesel engine that needs a while to warm up. What I really miss is the community of runners and triathletes at races. I love the energy and the excitement in the air. It’s like bees buzzing around until it’s game on and there is a hush that settles over the athletes. That feeling of waiting to begin is like being shot out of a cannon and I love it. 

In the realm of practicing mindfulness, I realized that I needed to be part of that buzz and I had a very short window due to my surgery with which to work. My tri club was volunteering for the Women’s Philadelphia Hand and Stone Triathlon not far from my house. This would be perfect. Delmo puts it on and it is a high energy, pulling out all the stops for women sprint distance. It is the perfect race for first timers and seasoned triathletes. Pool swim, nine mile bike, 5K and a metal as large as a dinner plate. I had friends doing the race and volunteering was a great way to be on the inside of the action. There is no FOMO for me in this race because I don’t enjoy sprints or pool swim races either. 

Bike Sticker Check at 4:30! I gave the bullhorn back because I didn’t need it. The guy behind me was on bullhorn point! 

I signed up for the 4:30-8:30 shift at bike check in. It was super fun to great the athletes, help them with stickers and calm a few nerves. I channeled my coach Maria Simone when I spoke to two first timers about slowing everything down and walking through transition to get accustomed to the layout of transition for each change in event. I even gave them the tip of counting bike racks because you may be a bit disoriented when you get in T1 or T2. I could see them exhale and become more relaxed and that made me so happy! 

In prior events I loved when body marking volunteers drew hearts or flowers on the back of my leg near my age. I came equipped with my Sharpies and was ready to roll. It wasn’t my job description but when I got into transition to help a friend I was surrounded with people who needed to be marked and I enjoyed chatting and helping them out. One observation is that as women we need to be loud and proud of that age on our calves! Doing a triathlon is a big scary thing. It was so great to be able to be a calming force and give a you can do this and you are awesome to all of these women. 

As a triathlete I feel most scrambled when I’m getting on the bike. Getting dressed for the bike when you are wet is interesting. Your feet can be sandy or dirty, trying to put socks on wet feet and depending on the weather you may have to change up top. Running with the bike in bike shoes is awkward and could be slippery (I am in awe of those who can get on the bike and put shoes on while riding). The other thing I notice is that I hear volunteers giving me instructions, but at that point in time I don’t always listen. I’m not the only one. My second gig as a volunteer was at Bike Out. This is where athletes run or walk with their bikes and cross a line (pink line in this case) and mount the bike after the line. This is for safety and to spread out riders in order to reduce collisions. I found that is helped if I just said, “Get on your bike once you pass me.” Then I was able to tell each and every one of them to have a great ride! 

The guts of these women of all shapes and sizes was evident all day long. There were three expressions on their faces, fear, excitement and eye of the tiger focus. I made sure that I told athletes with tension in their face to take a deep breath and enjoy the ride. This is a reminder I appreciate from volunteers when I race because I literally forget to breath. I also appreciated all the different types of bikes in the race. This spoke to the access to emerging triathletes. This race is welcoming, challenging and extremely supportive. It was a wonderful day for so many and I wish I could thank each and every one of them for sharing it with me. 

2019 is a Challenge for Many

I left my shift at 8:30 right after my friend went out on the bike course. This year has been challenging for her as well. I’m so proud of her and the day she had! She needed a day to focus on her. A little mobile self-care. 

My right leg was tired and my hamstring was tight. I was worried as I limped a bit going back to my car and then I thought.....I haven’t had hamstring tightness since before I tore it. In my heart, I’m hoping this is a good sign, I will find out on Tuesday if this is true. 

I needed to be part of the community I love so much and this was just what my heart and soul needed. I encourage women everywhere to get outside of your comfort zone and try something that scares you a bit. You will feel so alive! 

[economistontherun]

I'm shack wacky today

Me - 8 days post op

[economistontherun]

Thrown a Curveball

Today is the day I was thrown a curveball. Thought I had this racing and training FOMO under control, but nope. I was invited to a couple of Ironman Lake Placid Facebook groups and I felt my stomach sink and my heart drop. Yup, this sucks and here it is. Looking right at me. What do I do with this? I talked to myself a bit and offered advice on the course and wished everyone well. I really mean it and I love to help fellow athletes, but this time it made me want to cry. I cried a bit and felt sorry for myself too. I figured that was acceptable. I have a bad habit of moving on quickly from things that hurt me. I want them gone, so I put them in there deep. When certain moments trigger them, BAM! My answer to coping with that it to walk. Walk far and long, but I can’t do that either. I’m trying to create headspace, positive self-talk and all that stuff. But today it feels like a bunch of poop. I’ll walk Harry to get his haircut, the groomer will be judgemental because he is a mess. Oh well. I will work for the good moments in today. Gotta tap into what training and racing taught me, there will be ups and downs. When there is a down, just be patient because the up is on the way. 

[economistontherun]

Your effort in itself is a success

Sister Madonna Buder “The Iron Nun”

[economistontherun]

Finding Gratitude in Recovery

I am getting better because I’m more obsessed with my allergies and the pounding against my Mose scar on my face. That is a either a gentle reminder that the end of 2018 was foreshadowing to the stress that would be poured upon me in 2019 or I handled that surgery and recovery with as much grace as possible and if I could do that, I could certainly win at recovery of this. 

That brings me to a conversation about age and health that seems to keep popping up. I’ve become acutely aware that there are certain members of the medical community that will look at my age of 51 and treat my injury and rehab as “Well, what do you expect? You are 51.” Yes I am 51 and I’m proud of that. I went into this surgery in the best shape of my life since last year. My expectations of my recovery are a full recovery. Not the senior citizen version of I’ll be able to walk in the “Walk” lane of the Ocean City, NJ Boardwalk. We all know we have limitations as we age, but that doesn’t mean that we are supposed to take that as a get out of exercise free card. If your doctor makes you feel that way, then find another doctor. Now, I’m not saying that you go for multiple opinions until you get someone to say what you want them to hear, I mean that everyone needs to have the care of a medical team who understands who you are as a person and an athlete. Tough love is necessary at times and it is important to listen to the advice when it is rest. I wish I listened to that a bit more when I was in my thirties and forties for sure. 

Further on the subject of recovery, I never knew you should shop for a physical therapist. Frankly, I didn’t know what to ask. When my doctor did a clinic on this I was surprised and excited that I now knew what questions to ask to get the care I needed. When you are wired like I am it is important that your physical therapist knows that as well. I’m looking forward to physical therapy next month and will be dedicated to improving my mobility and listen to the advice and guidance of my doctor and PT.  The bottom line is that going to PT and getting to swim a bit gives me a bit more control over my recovery. Movement is key, it just makes me feel better. I feel like I have control over very little so I do like knowing this is around the corner. 

Not All Created Equal aka The Gene Pool is Deep

My parents were always active. I come from good stock as they say. As my parents age it is hard to cope with the deterioration of my mom’s mobility. I look like my dad, but I have similar medical conditions as my mom but mine were identified earlier. I remember my mom walking miles with me pushing Ethan in a stroller in her fifties. Now it is hard for her to get up and down steps and into a chair. It breaks my heart and scares me at the same time. At times I wish she would rise up and be my mom in her earlier years. No one could keep up with her. Dynamo and full of fire described her perfectly. She slowed down over time and arthritis started to twist her fingers and back. Her legs became skinny and she tipped to the side. She now uses a walker or cain and she can’t move very quickly. This makes me want to cry for her because she is the same person inside. She wants to go and do all the things she used to do, instead she is trying to keep up or doesn’t go at all. At the same time, she does not want anyone feeling sorry for her. She is strong, loving and hates having to be taken care of my my dad. I’ve always admired her spirit and she is an inspiration to me. 

It is difficult for me to have challenges with my hips, hamstrings and to see my thumb begin to twist. I am determined to remain positive through this recovery and to use her fight as my inspiration. She didn’t have her diagnosis as early as mine and it is my hope that providing my bones, spirit and blood with positive energy, rest and nutrition that I will be able to tap into the strength of our genes and not succumb to the pull of the negative. Have you seen the video of the 103 year old woman at the senior olympics or the Iron Nun? 

They have tenacity, will and good genes on their side. It is my goal to be joining them and have a long life of active fun. It keeps you young and I will be back out there with all of my friends. 

“Your effort in itself is a success” - Sister Madonna Buder 

#recovery ageism ironnun

[economistontherun]

I drove and went to the grocery store today. It was liberating.

Jill Beccaris-Pescatore 6 days post hamstring surgery 6/25/19

[economistontherun]

1st Recovery Weekend

I’ll describe the first weekend since surgery as enlightening. Common threads are gratitude and patience. It was tough to keep the focus on having both of them.

I awoke trying to practice my mindfulness activity and my mind raced to my leg. I wondered how the plasma was doing in there and imagined it rebuilding my hamstring. I’ve also had a sinus headache that makes my ear hurt and want that to go away so my body can focus on healing my leg. This is something I have not control over but when you have sjogren’s syndrome you worry about anything that taxes the immune system. I knew I had to reel it in and focus on my main goal, recovery.

My head felt like a rewind of an old cassette tape, that whirrrrrrr sound to go back to the beginning. Deep breaths, check. Positive affirmation, check. Coffee in bed, check. Let’s crush this day ;-)

MIssing My Bike Friends

Louise is my TT bike. She is grey with pink and blue trim and we tacked the IM Louisville course together. She is bold and solid with a lot of grit. I feel powerful when I’m pedaling in aero on her. She is sitting on the trainer in the small back bedroom of our Philly row home. I was prepared to put the trainer away pre-op but I took G’s suggestion to leave her out as a symbol of me coming back and I did. It was a great piece of advice and I saw hello to her every morning and promise I will be riding her soon.

Saturday was a beautiful day. It was a rare cool, sunny day with no humidity. It was a day I should be riding long. It hit me that this was the first time since November 2018 that I wasn’t riding my bike on a Saturday. It made me sad and frustrated. I missed my training partners. We are a great fit, we work hard, push each other and my goodness we laugh. I mean belly laugh. It is a rare find and I cherish those times on the bike.

I tried to distract myself with sitting on the roof deck, trying to meditate, grading class discussion boards and reading. I was so unsettled. Tried to take a nap and just couldn’t get comfortable. I would get lost looking outside imagining the entire world running or biking on this gorgeous day. Yup I was a bit pissy too. Not the best patient.

Geez this Row is Small

Gerard got a lot done around the house after his long run. He even trimmed the tree that hangs over the roof as Harry and I watched from the deck. Cooked our dinner and did everything I could every ask for from a caregiver. As the night approached I was anxious and I could tell that we were both a bit frayed. It finally occurred to me that both of us missed my long bike ride today. I’m generally full throttle energy on a weekend and G is more laid back. We also do fun stuff, but he needs a quiet recharge when I’m at times too stubborn to sit down for fear of mission out on something. I was literally looking at the glistening buildings of the Philly skyline imagining all the people sightseeing and hanging out in parks on this gorgeous day. Yup, I was not in a good frame of mind.

I wised up and put myself to bed. We had been together almost non-stop since Wednesday and we both needed a little space. I found it to be fascinating that many relationships get frayed from one partner spending a great deal of time training for endurance events of any kind, but ours actually needed that time so we could recharge in the manner that worked best for us.

Slowly Improving

My right leg was feeling much better. I was able to navigate stairs leading with the good leg but actually bending at the knee on the right instead of hoisting up the leg like it was a log. My mind made the mistake of trying to walk steps normally and I felt the weakness in the right hamstring with a quick “I won’t be making that mistake for a while.” I’m eating good foods and trying to stay away from junk food because I’ve gone from Ironman calories to sedentary calories.

I keep visualizing the platelets fueling my recovery and getting me back in the pool, but it is a hard. I made a conscience effort to be much more positive on Sunday. I find that getting ready for the day as soon as I get up sets a good tone. Made a smoothie and took my New York Times to the roof deck to read it on a Sunday. That is a miracle! G & I went to brunch and I walked about a quarter of a mile. I graded and the day was really enjoyable. It was capped off with meeting my triathlon club friends for a Ladies Night. They bowled, I watched. One on my training friends sent me flowers and a get well card.

I found a lot to be grateful for in this weekend. I have support from so many people. I’m deeply touched by those who are pulling for me and I’m finding once again that the world is made up of incredible people. We just have to find the ones we want to keep close and don’t let those with negative energy take our fire.

I’m on the road to recovery and however long that road is, I will try to find the positive in every mile.

[economistontherun]

One day you will tell your story of how you've overcome what you're going through now and it will become part of someone else's survival guide

Found on Instagram 

#grateful

[economistontherun]

Recovery Training Cycle  - Day 2

The second day post op is my PRP injection day. PRP stands for platelet rich plasma where the patient’s blood is drawn and then spun down to the platelets. My non-medical observation is that there is a big vile of blood drawn and it comes back looking like the levels of a parfait. 

I slept much better after taking half a pain pill. I’m only taking Tylenol the rest of the day and my leg was feeling much better today. As long as I stayed in the same position my right butt cheek didn’t hurt. Getting up and down has been a challenge and I’m trying to limit my movement as much as possible. The morning dragged on a bit so not much exciting going on. I have a summer session ending this week, so I got a great deal of grading done. 

Gerard came home to take me to the doctor’s office for the PRP injection as well as the pre-op for my left hamstring. I was nervous about this procedure because of the needle in the butt and trying to keep as positive as possible so my body would use that fresh blood and repair itself. I used the quote from Deena Kastor again and had a smoothie with kale, chia, strawberry, banana and peanut butter. Visualizing those nutrients feeding my hamstring. I realize that this may sound a bit nutty but I really believe in positive self talk and sending positive messages to my brain. My mom taught me this when I was a kid. For every negative thought I had, say three positive thoughts. Mom knew all those years ago what the research supports now. For what it is worth, she also knew that margarine was not good for you and kept on feeding us butter :-) 

I started reading the book, “The Mindful Day” by Laurie Cameron. Found out that my coach, Maria Simone, weaves much of this in her coaching but I like the actual activities that will try to calm my anxiety and swirling brain. 

PRP - Said like the AC/DC song, “TNT” 

As expected blood was drawn and Gerard and I waited for the plasma to make its way back into the room with the doc. A little cold spray and the ultrasound showed that the crunchy stuff that my physical therapist was scratching at since April was gone and there was already inflammation. That is GREAT news! The goal of this procedure is to turn chronic tendonosis into an acute condition so the body will heal. The PRP gives the process a jolt by introducing platelets to the tendon area that doesn’t get as much blood flow as a muscle. Again, I am not a doctor and this is my interpretation of the procedure. And it hurt, yup, burned and I just kept breathing deep and imagining those little suckers like soldiers marching in and healing by hammy. 

That was it. Orders are to lay low and in ten days I can swim with a pool buoy, two weeks start PT and then on July 8th start this process all over again with the left leg. 

Great news is I will be able to swim in Mirror Lake when we go to cheer for our friends in Lake Placid and I would be able to do the swim leg of the relay of Ironman 70.3 Atlantic City in September. It gives me something to look forward to and be a part of the racing community which I miss so much. 

Pre-Op Part 2

I’ll make this short. Left leg proximal tendonosis but my hamstring is in tact. When the lidocaine was injected it went right down my leg which means there is some scar tissue near the sciatic nerve. Doc found a back door to get to the area and we are good to go for July! 

What a relief that phase one is done. I was really hungry and was able to have a glass of wine with dinner. Roof deck and friends made the night go easy. Tomorrow will be another story because it will be the first Saturday since November that I haven’t been on a long ride. Gotta keep my eye on the prize and stay positive. 

[economistontherun]

Recovery Training Cycle - Day 1

I couldn’t be happier with the Summit Surgical Center, my doctor and nurses. Gerard brought me home and my right leg was still and sore but a pain scale of about a 4, which is what it was when we started. I didn’t sleep very well from stiffness. I continue to take Tylenol and keep a positive attitude.

It is almost 5:00 pm and thank God I made it through day 1. I spent a lot of time on the phone texting friends. The amount of love that I’m getting from friends and family is amazing and up lifting. I am a very lucky lady. My leg is getting stiffer and more sore as the day goes on and I’m following the  20 minutes on and 20 minutes off with ice.

There was a lot of scar tissue removed from the proximal hamstring so I understand the pain and keep imagining strong healing cells going to that area and rebuilding me and my strength. I pulled out Deena Kaster’s “Let Your Mind Run” and found the section I wanted to reread. This was when she was sidelined because of an injury and for the first time in her life she couldn’t run and questioned whether she would able to compete at a high level again.

“....it dawned on me that I was fine because running had prepared me for this moment. It taught me to pay attention to goodness. It gave me the tools of resilience and gratitude, of awe and optimism. And even without running, these were with me. Views would still inspire me, gratitude would always fill me. The positive approach that contributed to my running was ready to strengthen any passion or pursuit. Right now, I was applying it to my health.” (266)

This quote is helping me to prepare for the injection of the plasma rich platelets that will feed my hamstring with fresh blood. I often thought that people that thought that was a little bit wacky, but visualization works. Positive attitude works and I want my brain and body to be in the best possible shape to bring my strength back and to be healthier than I was when I was training.

I would not be able to do this without help of Gerard. I am not good at sitting still so this process is going to be tough on certain days. But for now, he’s home and I made it through day one with only breaking the rules once by taking Harry outside this afternoon. I’m so happy to see G!

Gerard and I have been together for almost 20 years. Over those years I’ve said I want to grow old with you many times. The last 24 plus hours showed me how deep that feeling goes. The act of washing a loved one’s hair weather is a true act of unselfish love and complete trust. I’m so beyond grateful for his help.

#hamstring triathlete runner

[economistontherun]

Let’s Fix This Hammy (Leg 1)

1. Decision that DNS better than DNF for  2019 Ironman Lake Placid - 😢

2. Move up hamstring surgery and PRP to June and July - ✅

3. Buy and prep lots of healthy foods for recovery - 🍉🥑🥦

4. Suspend Zwift and Coaching for a few months - 🚴🏻‍♀️

5. Make a list of books to read and papers to write 

Well I guess I’m ready to start move toward Jill 2.0. I’ve been struggling with low level hamstring pain since last fall but it presented as glute tightness that would relieve itself a few miles into a long run. It didn’t bother me on my bike and I don’t kick all that much when I swim so I was ok there too. Or so I thought I was ok. I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with proximal (high hamstring) tendonosis. It is when the acute condition of tendinitis becomes chronic and your body will not heal itself. 

This is pain in the ass. 

There were two things that drove me to seek medical help. One, I could not run without pain and feel like my right hamstring was shortening as I ran. Two, driving was excruciating. It felt like a tooth ache in my leg and I found myself popping Aleve, sitting on ice and a heating pad to alleviate some of it. Once I was diagnosed I was sent to physical therapy. I’ve been doing eccentric exercises to aggravate it which is very strange for your brain. After doing this for months with no relief, I had an ultrasound done. This showed severe scarring and the doctor told me that any shot of cortisone would rupture both hamstrings. Back to PT and then back to doctor. After an MRI it was discovered that I tore my right hamstring yet I have not recollection of doing this. We concluded that my pain threshold is so high that I just didn’t notice. That is the downside to badass and now I had to be super careful not to tear the fragile left hammy. 

But Ironman Lake Placid......

My coach and I had a heart to heart. As long as I had permission from the doctor to do the race, I could walk the marathon. Please keep in mind that although walking didn’t create the pain that running did the action of lifting your leg up on a curb was painful. I can best describe it as being forced to think “ok leg, lift up” instead of it happening automatically. This pain at the ischial tube or sit bone was acceptable pain but anything radiating below or causing stress on other smaller muscles was a no go. STOP and turn back! 

The bike was fine and I was up to riding 6 hours so things looked good. Walking a marathon was not the most pleasant thing to think of, but I blew up at IM Lou and had to walk most of the marathon because of belly issues so a planned walk would enable me to take in the fun! 

During this time I went for a second opinion on my treatment for the injury. I wasn’t convinced that scraping the muscle and tendon with a needle and injecting PRP at the same time was the only option. My new doctor confirmed the diagnosis and proposed a procedure called Tenex and follow that up with PRP. This sounded less barbaric and we scheduled it for middle of August after Ironman. 

Is that Pain on the Bike?

My coach has a camp in Lake Placid in June and it is so much fun! Think summer camp for adults. I would not miss it for the world, in fact my husband comes up to run the Lake Placid Half Marathon and we’ve decided it is our peaceful place. So love to be there. 

I had a long ride on the trainer, about 5 hours, on Memorial Day weekend and my hamstring was mad at me. I just chalked it up to riding on the training is pedaling for 5 hours straight and I’ve been riding outside and you can coast out there. I just kept an eye on it and would walk on Sunday at Lake Scranton. 

More heart to heart talks with my coach and we decided that my upcoming planned DNF (I wasn’t doing the run) at 70.3 Connecticut (formally Quassy) and camp would provide us with enough information for me to decide on whether or not I was going to race Lake Placid in July. 

I’m an economist to a quick Cost Benefit Analysis sums it up - 

Benefits

1. I’ve trained since January and had great bike fitness

2. I got my swim down below 2:00/100 

3. Lake Placid is so beautiful and I want to cross the finish line at the Oval

4. I’ve never bailed on something this big

5. 2019 has been emotionally rough for me and my training is about all I had control over

6. My anxiety and mental health suffered much this year and training is the only relief I find

7. I love training and racing with friends. I’ve already miss the time with running friends, this would cut out my time with riding friends too. 

8. Lose payment on hotel and no gear from LP

Cost

1. I could injure myself further

2. I may not be able to train or race again

3. Gaining weight 

4. Later surgery when I’m working could slow down recovery

5. Missing the race

6. Missing my training friends

7. Going Fu**ing crazy because I haven’t been forced to sit still in decades

Conclusion:

In the 75th mile of my 112 mile bike ride at camp in Lake Placid my hamstring hurt above the back of my knee. My doctor was training at the camp and we discussed good pain and bad pain. This one was the bad pain. I turned the bike around and had a good cry when one of the coaches found me and asked how I was doing. I knew my race was not going to start and now I had to deal with this when all about me were athletes excited and training for their races. 

Many tears were shed and I needed some alone time. I told Gerard I needed to go swim in Mirror Lake. I swam only about 500 yards but it helped a bit. Side note: you can cry in your goggles. The next day I cheered for Gerard in the half marathon and then swam the entire loop of the Lake Placid Ironman. I was able to feel free and enjoy every stroke. This was good for my body and soul. 

Letting Go 

I understand that people have struggles in life far more pressing than my injury deciding not to race an Ironman. I get that, but for me training for races whether running or triathlon is more about the opportunity to dream big and challenge myself. It makes me feel alive. The community is wonderful and I find that it helps me do better at the other facets of my life as well. It doesn’t hurt that it gives me a bit of street cred with my students too. 

I consulted with my doctor after the ride and then with my husband and my coach. The race would always be there. I needed to take care of myself and recover sooner rather than later. I cried, wallowed and it is the morning of my surgery and I am anxious, nervous and scared of the future but I am also energized and ready to win at recovery. 

There is something else. This year at camp I was more anxious and put more pressure on every activity where last year I was like the dog hanging out the window of a car. Everything was an adventure and a learning experience. The extra pressure I put on myself made me tight for my swims. I even got sick after some drills and missed the time to do a complete swim loop. I totally enjoyed the first bike loop day and had zero pain but the group left a little early on the big bike day and I was left feeling rushed. So much so that I started to cry and my coach had to snap me out of it with some tough love. I now realize that every pedal stroke was an analysis of a full body check. I was conflicted because I was so much stronger on the bike but I was losing power because I was compensating for the bad hamstrings. Mental pressure creates tightness. I felt the best on my long swim after I had decided that I couldn’t do the race. 

Lessons 

Stress equals stress to the body regardless of the source. My body was getting beat up by physical training and mental stress. That is hard when you are 100% but so much more difficult when you are nursing an injury. Through therapy I learned that I constantly put everyone else’s needs ahead of mine and take care of me last. That isn’t my intention, I just want to help but in doing that I also take on their stress and make it mine. For the first time in my life I suffered from panic attacks and vivid bad dreams. Thank goodness they’ve subsided. I’m a fixer and a doer. I want to move on with things quickly and get it done. This may not seem to resonate with a back of the pack endurance athlete but it does. I know that the training takes time and it slows me down. That is a balance for my brain that goes a million miles an hour from the time I open my eyes until the time I go to bed. 

I’m not sure how the next few days will go, but I know that I will need to put myself first, ask for help and win at recovery and rehab. 

Let’s do this. 

PS It’s only 8:20 am and I’m starving. 

[economistontherun]

I loved the swim! aka Who am I?

On my adventure to my first Ironman, the Philly Escape Series Olympic distance triathlon was my first race of the tri season. This is my third attempt at swimming this race. The swim was cancelled both times prior. It is in my backyard so I can bike to the start and I know the bike and run course well. My coach put my goal as a hard training day to get more experience in an open water river swim, get comfortable with my new Liv Avow tri bike and focus on perceived effort and heart rate, and finish with a strong run. I was so excited to race with my tri club friends and the great people of Philadelphia. 

Race Prep - Night Before

I find the process of making lists, collecting and categorizing my gear and finally putting it into piles and packing it my bag to be soothing to the pre-race chimp brain. I check off the items as I pile them and then cross it off when I put it in the bag. At my first No Limits Endurance Ironman Training Camp in Lake Placid, I was thrilled to know that others share my freakish organizational quality. 

I like this Training Peaks print out with the space for goals on the top :-) 

Nutrition & Breakfast

Notes for nutrition and directives for T1 & T2 in a zip lock for transition set up (I’m such a dork). 

Dinner @ 6:30 pm

2 slices of Pizza, cheese and crackers, Founders All Day IPA & water with Nuun

Breakfast @ 3:30 am 

6:30 am start for the race (more on that later) with 5:30 am transition closing 

1 plain bagel with peanut butter

1 coffee black

1 bottle of water with Nuun lime flavor

Banana at 5:00 am 

1 non-caffeine Peanut Butter GU at 5:50 am pre- swim 

- The swim start was rolling and I didn’t get in water until 7:00 am. I was hungry & I grabbed a half a banana from a table. You do crazy things when you are hungry. 

Nutrition Plan for race

Swim - 1 Gu pre race start - (this was not enough and I have to figure this out. I saw a woman taking shot blocks into the swim tucked under her wetsuit..hmmm. I will have an opportunity to try this again in the 5K OWS swim in July. I have time to get this right for IMLOU. 

T1 - Salted Carmel GU with water

Bike - 90 minute bike bottle - 4 scoops of Perpetuem and 12 oz of water for 4 3 oz sips every 20 minutes

2 bottles of water with Lime Nuun 

T2 - Salted Carmel GU 

Run - 1 Salted Carmel GU and water on course (no gatorade) 

Swim

The swim start was a 3/4 mile walk north of transition on the Schuylkill River. It was a self seeded rolling start with a downstream 1500 meter swim. The swim was organized with many canoes & even scuba divers. I felt really safe in there. Any of my anxiety from the swim melted away as I walked with my T3 tri club members and started talking to two women doing their first triathlon. I self seeded at the back of the 35/front of 40 minute group. It was wetsuit legal for my sleeveless and it was exactly the right choice for 74.8 degrees. 

I found that the cure for nerves was waiting around long enough that you just want to get in the water and swim! The swim was great. I didn’t have the shock of the water hitting me when I jumped in. I just got in (the bottom felt a bit weird on my feet) and I started my rhythm breathing from the right 3 breaths, then switch to the left for 3 breaths. I did have the sensation that I wanted to get it over fast, but I put myself back in my box of one buoy at a time. I loved that the distance on the buoys counted down instead of up. 

I wasn’t touched by anyone except when I touched another swimming trying to pass them. Yes, ME, passing someone!!! I felt myself moving into what felt like a steady effort and got better as the swim went on. 

I started out to the left of the buoys and then made my way back toward the buoy line. I even found a yellow line connecting them and followed that without having to sight as often. I swam really straight after that! There was a point that I realized how much the swims in Mirror Lake helped me to handle the water in the river. There was one section of chop and I visualized the swim that was really choppy and I calmed down and kept at it. 

It was the coolest thing to be swimming under the Columbia Bridge and seeing the college crew logos from the water that I always see them on Kelly Drive. It was so much fun!!!! 

PR for the distance: 1500 meters 32:48 (2:00/100 yards) my Garmin had 1:57/100

Reflection: In the future I would seed myself in the 30-35 minute wave. This would help me to get out of the water faster and not be one of the last athletes off the bike and on the run. (Need to figure out calories better with a contingency plan for delayed start).

T1 - Gotta speed this one up - 3:42

I knew where my bike was and had my crib sheet to get going quickly, but I had trouble getting my wetsuit off my ankles. I think I’ll be trying Pam on my ankles next time. Thinking back on it, I definitely “toodle” and in part that I treated this T1 like a 70.3 T1 and not trust that I have everything I need. 

Bike 

Got on the bike and took a caffeinated salted caramel GU. 

The bike is two loops through Fairmount Park. I know this route and the hills. This is a benefit in that I know when the hills end although I found myself looking forward to the hills, shifting into a lighter gear and keeping my HR in the desired zone. I know it is the correct approach but I really can’t stand getting crushed by people on the hills. I suspect that what is happening with my bike is what happened when I first starting training with heart rate and running. There was a disconnect between pace and HR, but now it is dialed in. The same thing will happen as I continue to train. 

This was the first race with my new bike “Louise.” I went into it wanting to reach my target HR, keep a cadence around 80-85 on average, anticipate shifting and avoid the klunk and drink and eat throughout. 

My secret goal was to finish in under 90 minutes, but that will come. I was able to take the downhills with much more control. Brake before the turns instead of in them, work the flats in aero and have one heck of a great time riding my bike outside with so many people in MY CITY! My average speed was better too! 

I got to see my biggest supporter, my husband, at the top of one of the hills! It made my day to see him there. At the second loop, he said - PUT the HAMMER DOWN. I laughed because this is an inside joke about the size of the Hammer fuel containers in our house. 

I felt like my nutrition was on point. I need to check my watch because it didn’t go off every 20 minutes and I ended up taking a sip at the end of the ride. I don’t know if this impacted my run at all. I had a GU right when I got off the bike. 

I am super stoked over my bike handling in hydration. When the front torpedo needed to be filled, I decided to fill it with the bottle behind my seat when I was going up hill. Slow enough to change the bottle, yet enough momentum to allow for balance. I did it! I even yelled “Woo Hoo!” It’s a challenge to get that bottle in the back container blind. Victory! 

This was a great bike! I had so much fun on this ride! I pushed the entire time and learned that I am totally capable of doing that! Lots of room for improvement and this ride was a view of what is to come. 

PR for Distance: 40k 1:33:24 

Louise’s first race! So much fun!!!! Photo Credit: Gerard

T2- Less thinking and more automatic moving - 2:11

Triathlon is not a glamour sport when it comes to putting your body through the paces. I was well hydrated and as soon as I got off my bike, I peed myself. Yup. Just like that. Never had that happen before. Saved a trip to the portopot. I had an extra bottle of water that I washed myself off with and away I went. I laughed as I exited run out thinking of how Maria (my fearless coach) was going to laugh at this story. 

Run

This is an out and back two loops of the 5k run right on the surface of the sun. I should be able to crush this course, but not today. I stuck to my plan taking it easy for the first mile until I got my legs under me. It took longer this time than when I remember before. I used my mantras from the “Calm the F*** Down” book to push back the heavy legs. I should be able to run faster. I managed to do a progression run and my HR was between Zone 2 & 3 but I still felt like there was part of this run that I could have mentally pushed. I counted to 100 over and over on the 2nd loop and it made it go by faster. 

It was hot (91 degrees). I kept drinking water and putting it over my head. My shoes were so wet the insole moved and if the run was any longer I would have had a blister issue. No gatorade on the run, it made my stomach flip over the idea of drinking it. I had some cramping in my belly, thought maybe it was salt or calories so I took a GU. 

I passed so many people who were doing the sprint or were barely running at this point. I just wanted to go faster and then maybe I was good with where I was. It is hard to say. I find it very difficult to go into the same pain cave I can tolerate or set my mind to endure 5K or 5 mile running race. It is a challenge to get my adrenaline to the same level during the run in a triathlon. I still have a lot to learn about this portion of the race. 

The other thing about this race is that there are athletes already on the run course when riders like me are heading into the second loop of the bike. Riders pass them on the course. The bulk of the athletes seem to be on the run course when I have about 2 miles to go on the bike. I actually said out loud - this is your race and only your race, you are going to PR today! They are all running their own races. This put me back into the driver’s seat of my own awesome day!  

Later, when I was riding home, I saw people still finishing up the run course. They were awesome! We are all awesome. We got to swim, ride bikes and run. I am always grateful and think of how my mom would love to be running again, but her body won’t let her. It inspires me. Gerard and I are so fortunate to be able to do what we love and support each other. How can we not smile? 

10k Run  - Negative Split :-) 53:27 

Total Finish Time: 3:05:30 - 6 minute PR for Olympic Distance 

Next stop - a first - a 5K swim..... In other words - “Clear Your Mind of Can’t.” 

Victories:

Great open water swim! No anxiety and was able to get to steady pace.

Safely and successfully filled front water bottle & returned back bottle into cage.

Hit my HR targets for bike and pushed through the times when my mind and body wanted to relax and settle in. 

Road over the crest of the hill & other bike skills

Ran a negative split/progression run for 10k

Kept positive even when it got tough 

Had so much fun & I am really believing in my success to become an Ironman in Louisville. 

[economistontherun]

Boston in a Rowboat

Running the Boston Marathon is always a privilege. Let’s face it running any marathon is pretty special when you turn 50. 2018 is full of big goals for me to match my shiny new age group. It was the 5 year anniversary of the bombing and I wanted to go back to where I felt the ground shake beneath my feet on the day that changed the running community forever. 

This was the second marathon with my coach Maria Simone. Throughout this cycle she taught me to push my edges and pick an attainable goal that was a little bit scary. Both Maria and my husband Gerard as coaches have this way of putting your mind in a place where you didn’t think was possible. It is a gift. I trained hard for this race with a goal pace of 8:24 and a new PR. 

The training was different than other marathons because I’m also training for my first Ironman in October (big goals, remember?). I swam two or three times a week, biked twice a week and ran quality workouts. Training this often at goal pace was new for me and frankly intimidating. I would see 4 times 2 miles at marathon pace and think......how will I do that? It is going to hurt. The track work was fast and pushed me out of my comfort zone, but there wasn’t a doubt that I was going to try and after I would whine to my husband he would just tell me to go into Spock mode and be done with it. I also knew I wasn’t going to go back to Maria with some shit-quit excuse about it. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t go to pieces on my 20 mile progression run in the freezing rain and come home crying because my arms and hands were frozen. Or that my hip didn’t act up from a previous injury. It did, but I kept on going toward Boston. 

One of the most important things I did during this training cycle was work hard on the muscle between my ears. I’ve always been amazed by athletes who can flip a switch and just work through the pain. Tell the negative voices in their chimp brain to shut the f*ck up and go for it. Gerard calls it “Spock Mode” and Maria calls it “embracing the suck.” I want to gain this quality and not settle in to that comfort zone in my racing. 

Race Week 

I was full of mixed emotions this week. G trained hard for this race and we were supposed to both be running. He sustained an injury about 6 weeks out and he wisely chose to take care of himself and not race. As a runner I know how tough that is, but I’m so proud of him for making that decision. We had many friends running this race and he shifted gears to become the unofficial photographer and the best race supporter with 1 mile to go ever! 

G, L, C & me for the traditional finish before the Finish line picture. 

Weather stalking is always a bad idea. Couple that with runners on social media and the frenzy is just wasted energy. I shut that down when people were posting about Boston weather 2 weeks out. New England weather is unpredictable and April in Boston can be anything. As I packed for the trip I was prepared for a range of weather especially rain. My husband gets the award for the best addition when he suggested I take hand warmers for my gloves and the rain poncho from Disney. 

This is the 4th time I’m toeing the line in Hopkinton. The weather is always the topic of discussion on this point to point course. 2013 was perfect weather pierced with the devastation of a terrorist attack, 2014 was a beautiful day for redemption, 2015 was sideways rain and 50 degrees and 2018 was going to challenge runners and spectators alike. Rain, snow at the start, pouring sheets of rain, 30 mph headwind gusts and it was freezing cold. But every runner was facing this challenge and I was lucky enough to have my friend Char for the journey to the start. 

Charlyn & I heading to the buses race day morning. 

Race Day Nutrition:

Breakfast: 

Yogurt & Coffee at wake up

Bottle of Water, Bagel with PB on bus

Banana and remaining bagel 1 hour pre race

PB Gu (no caffeine) 15 minutes pre race

During Race:

Gu every 4 - 5 miles (Water at water stops until mile 16 then gatorade)

Started caffeine GU before half marathon mark and dropped one. Took Cliff caffeine GU at mile 17. My mind was wandering so I needed a bit more calories. 

*Need to have a better hydration plan for that race. The water and Gatorade every mile throws me off my plan. 

Race Day Clothing:

Pre Race (stay dry)

Throwaway sneakers and socks 

Sweatpants

2 throwaway shirts w sweatshirt

Plastic poncho

Garbage bag

Hat on top of cap and headband

Racing clothing:

New Balance Zante

SFRC crew socks

Shorts

Boston 2013 short sleeve shirt

Bike sleeves (my intention was to throw them, but they saved me)

North Face rain jacket with hood

Boston Marathon cap over headband (hat on top of that which wasn’t thrown until it blew off at mile 24) and hood on top of head.

3 pairs of mittens/gloves - 1 pair for pre race, 1 pair mittens for race and 1 pair in ziplock back until mile 16 or 18. I can’t remember. 

*Wish I had - Playtex Dishwashing Gloves, Shower Cap, Actual Rain Pants & Rain Coat. 

The Race 

I raced in 2015 and it was on the BAA list as “unusual weather.” I PRed that day so I had my mind set on the big goals I trained to achieve. I also knew that I had to take what the day gave me in terms of conditions. There is where my work with focusing my energy on what I could control was key. I kept using positive self talk and telling Mother Nature to bring it. I was going to choose to have a positive attitude in challenging conditions. Let’s see what I can do! 

Char and I kept as warm as we could at the start. It was great to have her there with me. She is a positive force and it kept me focused on all the work we did to get here. In fact people complaining fed our fuel to race hard because this is Boston! 

I won’t lie. I’ve never seen it like this and it was obvious that runners had packed it in before they even started. The normal rush to the starting line was more like a slog and a number of runners from the earlier waves were choosing to be in my wave (3). I quickly came to realize that this was going to have more of an impact of my race than the weather. 

Took one last potty stop on the way to the start, changed my shoes and off I went. It was clear that the day was going to be different. The number of spectators at the start was significantly less than prior years and who could blame them and the start was really crowded. Those first few miles when runners have a tendency to go out to fast were slow. I was thrilled to have people cheering in very creative tents to keep themselves dry. 

I started the race with an extra layer on and a garbage bag on top. I dumped both of those at about mile 5 and largely drafted behind other runners when the driving sheets of rain came and pushed us around. 

I began to execute my race plan. Keeping pace for the first 7 miles was a challenge because of crowds but also because I could not feel my feet. They were like running on two blocks partially frozen mashed potatoes. I had a little give but hard at a rock in the middle. I wasn’t going to let my brain tell me that it was a problem, so I moved a bit faster to get the heat moving in my body. This proved to be my method of keeping warm for the entire race. I was soaked, working harder provided enough extra body heat to keep me warm and running. 

This race was a mental challenge. I struggled around mile 8-10 with voices telling me I’ll never race this again. All that work and this is what happens on race day.....small marathons are better...then I’d push them away and keep on going. I raced conservative for the first 16 miles and I think I would like to be a bit more aggressive the next time I do this race. When I turned to go into the hills at Newton, I wasn’t able to work as hard as I intended. It was odd at that point in time because my heart rate was well under racing zone and I was struggling to get any more speed. I knew I had the leg strength but it just wasn’t there. This part of the course is a mental battle when it is beautiful, but I was really perplexed by my body not responding. 

This was also a time when runners where dropping out of the race or already walking. Shivering runners in heat sheets where something I had to put out of my mind. This wasn’t going to happen to me. It did remind me to change my gloves for the last time. It was then I realized that I had very little use of my fingers. My split slowed down as I tried to put my fingers in gloves that appeared to shrink. I had 2 more hills to go and then Heartbreak Hill to Brookline! 

The race is a bit of a blur from that point. People where cheering as they held their disintegrating signs. The rain was relentless and the headwind was worse, but I’m small and there is always someone bigger to draft off of. I love the turn on Commonwealth Ave. I extend my arms like I’m flying around the corner. It is the point where any monkey on my back gets sent on its way. There were a few runners that were messing with my jam because there were still so many people who where slowing down and running 5 across. This was never the case in my previous experiences. 

Once I can see the Citgo sign for those last 5 miles, I’m energized. The carnage of those who had a rough day from the downhills and the uphills is apparent at this part of the course, but this day was particularly bad. It was also unusually quiet. Those who cheered Des Linden to her Boston Marathon win were long gone and the rain wasn’t letting up. I liked it. I like the quiet. It gives me a chance to focus and begin to pass people. This is also special because I’ve been running for hours so I can see Gerard cheering at 1 mile to go! 

There he is! He’s soaked to bone and I stop to kiss him and apologize for being slower than I planned. He laughs and tells me to go get it! 

One Mile to Go! Picture by Gerard. 

That last mile is striped with a blue Adidas line guiding you to the best 2 turns in marathoning. I looked at my watch and knew I punched my ticket to a solid BQ. When I made the right onto Hereford Street the crowds were awesome and the sky opened up. The rain, as it was all day long, was so hard you could hear it falling from the sky before it hit the ground. I put my arms up in the air and yelled “Bring It!”

The left onto Boylston was surreal. It is the longest-shortest sprint to the finish with spectators screaming. It is so loud it is quiet. I was overjoyed to run a BQ and be consistent on an unpredictable day. 

I was about 10 minutes slower than my goal time and that seemed to be the order of the day for many racers. Note to self - 30 mph headwinds with rain equals 10 minutes slower. 

On a serious note, I now believe I was meant to run a 3:52 that day. When I crossed in front of the memorial for those who had their lives taken 5 years ago the announcer asked for a moment of silence to commemorate the exact time of the bombing. The entire street became quiet. Chills went down my spine. I was running past ground zero of what those bastards did during the quiet. Then the announcer said, “Now let the world hear what Boston Strong sounds like!” The cheers were deafening. I cried again and crossed the finish line with such joy, pride and gratitude for the racing community and the city of Boston five years later. 

Thank you Boston! I will see you next year.

A huge thank you to my husband and best friend, G  and my coach and friend Maria Simone. Here’s to the next adventure! 

#boston bostonmarathon running marathon

[economistontherun]

This guy. So proud. #mothersandsons #prom #abington #classof2016 #onward

#abington #onward #mothersandsons #classof2016 #prom

[economistontherun]

Prommin' #abingtonhigh #classof2016 #sons #dogsofinstagram #boysbestfriend

#sons #classof2016 #dogsofinstagram #abingtonhigh #boysbestfriend